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He wants to have his parents approval of him and everything he does.

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Q: Are there any other difficult situations within your family?

A: When it comes to decision making such as choosing furniture, me and my brother will be asked to make a decision but my parents will always go with his and I can see the biasness.

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This shows his mother's irresponsibility towards the family as she was also part of the reason why there was family violence in his household.

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His instincts of wanting to defend his mother shows that he still cares and is concerned for her well-being.

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Learnt a lot of self control as he managed to control his emotions so as to not lash out, which will definitely cause more harm than good.

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The biasness that his parents have towards his brother and against him has lowered his confidence level and self esteem.

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As he could not remember the memorable times spent with his family who is living with him such as his parents and brother, this shows that there is a lack of interaction between him and them, meaning that they do not have a close bond with one another.

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His memorable times with his family all involved his aunties/uncles

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He had to normalise the fact that he had no close bond to his parents

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Q: What was your most memorable moment with your family?

A: Wah, actually none I can think of sia. But with the family as a whole, like my family and my aunty, uncles family was when we had a yacht party together before the COVID pandemic.

Q: When was the most memorable moment with your Aunties/Uncles?

A: It was when my aunt had a big family BBQ gathering at her place.

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He would like a familial relationship and bond with his parents (But because of past hurt and distrust he is unable to go and try)

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Still cares and feels responsible for his parents' well-being (Familial piety)

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Due to his independent nature, he worked part time (support himself by working part-time so that he doesn't need to take allowance from his mother and to buy the items he wanted)

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Feels unfair about his situation (Does not understand why it must be him who is stuck in this family)

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Feels inferior to his peers (Doesn't have a loving family like they have had)

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Was not close to his sister during his secondary school days (Age gap and gender between siblings may cause them to drift apart as the years go by)

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As time passes, the pain/disappointment from having 'nobody' with him doesn't subside.

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Going to church since a young age, taught him the right values, enabling him to grow up well (in this interviewee's case the church was a 'safe haven'/'guiding light' to him, and a good religious foundation, to prevent him from making any grave mistakes)

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These experiences since birth made him a very independent person since 5 years old

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Running away from home, and sleeping over at friends' houses/bus stops (Felt threatened often and felt that his home had a lack of security, enough to run away)

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Yearns for a family whereby everyone can get along well with each other, and have the time to bond together.

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Yearns for a home where he felt a sense of security and comfort

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Did not have a good relationship with his father at the time of divorce. (Determining factor of which parent to follow, is based on the relationship between the parent and child at that time)

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Yearns for peace in the household ( better to split the family rather to suffer together)

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Built back his relationship with his father after divorce. (Repairable relationships are possible)

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Grandparents cared for him, but did not have enough resources to take care of him. (Family was financially stressed, no free time to take care of him as well)

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Struggling to make ends meet (His family hardly had enough money to finance his daily necessities)

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He felt envious of peers (parents bring them out/buy them the 'cool' things, pamper them and shower them with love and affection)

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Felt that home was not a place that he could relax in after a long day (Created distractions for himself, so as to not go home, was desperate not to go home where there was nobody/nothing)

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Wished that he was financially stable so that he could be like his peers and "keep up with the trend."

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Parents are busy as hawkers, and there is a bias towards his younger brother (felt neglected)

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Q:during your free time, when you were a teenager, how did you spend time with your sister or your mum?
A: I don't spend a lot of time with my mother. That is the harsh reality . With my sister, a little bit more, because after that I'll start to go to church with her. More often. But what happened is that during my secondary school days, because the age group was a bit different, and we start to drift apart a little bit. She was in another school I was in another school. So of course I was already, when I was in secondary school especially. I was already much bigger I could take care of myself. I stayed away from home a lot. So ill go to school, go home only about 7 or 8 o clock. Even if I have nothing to do, ill be in school. So ill be playing basketball, I'll be doing all sorts of things then ill go to the band room, and do stuff lah. Do anything that I can except go home.

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Q: What actually frustrated you the most? 

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Q: What actually frustrated you the most? 

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"When you were in primary 1 and primary 2 and when u finish school somebody maybe waiting outside the school gate for you. You know? You will see a lot of children going out and there will be a lot of helpers, parents, waiting to pick their kids up from school. Even in kindergarten, all the parents will be waiting outside or some of you will be in school where there will be cars outside waiting to pick kids up from school. Nobody is waiting for me. Everybody has somebody waiting for them. When it was raining, people would come out with umbrellas and stuff like that. So you can imagine when I was young, when I walk out of school I know that there was nobody waiting for me. So that was when it starts to sink in, and of course when you grow older it starts to sink in and stuff like that. Why is it that I cannot do this? Why is it that I don’t have? And people would ask me, especially when you’re small, especially in p2 p3, they start to ask questions like, oh what does your father do? This one my father give me one.. then you will start to think you know, like why is it that I don’t have it? Why is it that I don’t have this father taking me out? Or people will talk like oh you know over the weekend my father brought me to zoo. Then I would be like, I’ve never been to a zoo, I’ve never had anyone taking me out to anywhere, which is quite sad. So that’s when it starts to sink in."

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Q: How bad was your financial situation in your family like? 

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Q: How bad was your financial situation in your family like? 

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"So for the longest time, uhm, I know the family wasn’t well off. I think from very young already I understood. Struggle is not say really struggle but I will not freely have the resources that most kids will have. That is also the reason why at the age of 14, I started working. When it became legally permissible to work, I worked. I worked all sorts of jobs, I have done packing in factories, I have done giving out flyer, worked in 7-eleven, worked in MacDonald’s, and I’ve worked as a telephone operator. Even to do cold calls to tell people, to ask them to buy things."

"There were times were we struggled to put food on the table, and now because I have money, from investments and stuff like that I stopped taking allowance from my parents already"

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Wished that there was someone there with him to celebrate his milestones and accomplishments with him just like his friends' families. (Envied his friends)

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Yearns for a family where he feels loved and cared for. (Familial love is important to children, child may start to yearn from other places)

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He doesn't feel comfortable and doesn't trust his parents enough to open up to them, but he is more comfortable with speaking about personal stuff with his aunties and uncles (might be because he had been raised by his aunty and his aunties are more open-minded with his problems)

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Feels that divorcing will be a better option for the entire family (When there are unhealthy conflicts, even the children feel supportive of a divorce)

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Rough household, no peace in his household

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Children were put at a crossroad of choice as to who to follow. (Children have a choice over custody as well)

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Q: Do you every envy your friends?

A: now no, but from primary school to sec 2, his family had financial issues and there were things that he couldn’t buy such as new edition toys (e.g. PSP?). all his friends had a PSP and he was the only one who did not have a PSP

Last time, I also envied my friends who had an extremely bonded family, like will take him out all this.

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Q: So you didnt have a close relationship with your mother at all during you childhood?

A: Not at all. Non-existent even, at most. I was lucky because right beside the tamang jurong flat was a church. It was called jurong prebsytarian church, if I'm not wrong. So what I did, was when I was young about 3 plus 4 just before kindergarten. I was spending a lot of time at the church. The church at that time had a huge playground and as a young child I had nothing much to do. So I would read story books, play at the playground and spend most of my time there. Which is also what my grandparents wanted me to do, because they had no way to take care of me or mind me, and to avoid me getting into trouble, they put me in the safest place possible which was the church. So me and my sister went there a lot. So I was very lucky that I got sort of a solid religious foundation when I was young.

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Q: In your whole family situation at that time, in your childhood, what is one thing you really wished for.

A: Family peace, and peace. That's very important. Because, you know you can face all sorts of issues out there, in the society,  your daily adventure outside, you can have all sorts of ups and downs and disappointments. At the end of the day all you want to do, is to go home. And for a long time, I didn't even have that luxury.

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Q: Im sure it affected you quite a bit right? But then when all this family violence was there, did you have some sort of fear that they might attack you?

A: You know, at that time when I was at that kind of age. Young men I think y'all would understand, young men at that age the anger is inside. There were times where I think that I almost wanted to get involved. Because, they will scream at my mother, and instinctively I will want to step in to help and defend her. Luckily I held back, because if I didn't, things would have turned out really really badly.

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Q: So did you ever envy your friend?

A: Of course, absolutely. Uh, this envyness or this sense of why is it that nobody care about me. Continued even all the way  until as recent as when I was in national service. So you would think that when you are NS you will think that you're 18, 19 or so and you will think u are matured enough to handle it. To say that, im used to it what, after 18 years of my life it should be okay. But strangely it doesnt  you know, it doesnt go away. That pain, or that disappointment doesnt leave.

Q: I feel your pain and it is caused by severe neglect right?

A: Yeah yeah, let me tell you a story

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Q: Has this affected you until now?

A: The divorce does not really affect my daily tasks, but from time to time I would wonder
what will happen if my parents did not have the divorce. My relationship with my father is good now so the divorce does not really affect me now.

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Q: What is your relationship like with you parents?

A: it is very normal, no special bond as they work long hours as a hawker so there is very little interaction. However, I will still want to take care of them, because I don't  think of them as a burden But I have always Felt that since young, my younger brother was more loved and had been given more attention lah

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Q: When was it when your parents divorced? Was it conflicted or a mutual parting?

A: My parents divorced when he was still primary 4, at first there was some conflict here and there, but it ended of as a mutual divorce. My brother and I kind of supported the divorce as we felt that it was unhealthy for us so we voiced it out to our mother, we felt that it was for the better and we did not have the whole family suffering together.

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Q: How often do you spend time with your parents?

A: there are times during conversations whereby they debate about topics. I don’t really speak about personal stuff to them. I Speak more personal stuff with my aunties and uncles

My mum passed me to my aunt to take care of me ever since I was born, but I cannot say the reason why. But because of this, I feel that my aunt is like my second mum you know?

That's why I feel more loved when I spend time with my aunties and uncles, I just feel that they understand me more.

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Q: Do you experience any difficult situations in your family?
A: My parents quarreled over custody and at some point asked my brother and I to choose who they wanted to follow. Ultimately we chose to follow our mother, was not a hard choice as the I did not like his father last time.

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Q: What were the times where you felt hurt by your parents' biasness?

A: I always felt that my younger brother had been more loved and had been given more attention. During CNY, my parents will always promote my younger brother’s education status who is in NA instead of mine and will try to avoid the fact that he is in NT. Most of the time they will go with my brother’s decision instead of his and I can see the clear biasness lah

One thing that I wish for my family is that I just don't want my parents to be so biased towards my younger brother