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Hello everybody, I'm Matilde from France and I arrived at Wasilkow School this week. I don't speak Polish at all so communication is a real challenge.... But I'm so glad to be here !!!

This week was very special for me. The school organization is so different from what I'm used to know, I'm still not sure of what my missions are ... So I go around from one place to another without really knowing what is happening around me. I'm observing. I can feel that it's the first week for everybody, some children are sad to go back to school, some of them are excited, teachers are busy... And I'm in the middle of all of this.

I am not saying this in a bad way. For sure it's difficult, I can't just come and talk to them, i can't answer to their questions... But every small success makes me super happy. I managed to do an origami activity with them, and some girls asked me a lot of pusheen drawings. The next day, I decided to bring pusheen coloring papers and they were so happy! I think it's a good begenning .

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I spent my second week of volunteering in Warsaw for my arrival training. I met a lot of people from all around the world and I felt like I was part of a community. We were spending all our time together from the morning to very late sometimes ! ( Playing volleyball, hanging out in the city or playing cards ....) I also enjoyed a lot of great meals. From the traditional polish soup to donuts,

it was literally impossible to be hungry !

I also learned some basics of Polish language and I really hope I will be capable to use it on real situations. As Europeans volunteering corps we also talked about solidarity a lot and I experimented this solidarity after being stung by a hornet on the last day. It was painful I don't recommend it ~

It was a great experience full of emotions and I really want to say thank you to everybody who made it work !

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It's been 3 weeks since I've been in Poland and it's starting to be very difficult to stay away from the people I love.

Do you know the sentence " home is not a place, it's people" ? Now I can really feel what it means. Home is a feeling, you can be surrendered by all your stuff but if people are missing, it's just a room. My flatmate told me , that she is still not capable of saying "let's go back home" here in Poland because the flat where we live is still meaningless to her. I guess every volunteer felt and will feel the same way. We knew it would happen and that's why we live all together.

About school, I think I'm doing well for the beginning. I know I can do better but my motivation is very low due to my homesickness. I really love being with children, that's what I need but at the moment I'm alone I lose all my energy.... BUT I should force myself to enjoy every small success of the week. I've made several children smile and I'm happy!

I gave french classes for the first time and I liked it, the atmosphere in the classroom was good, I made some bracelets and origami again, and a big poster about the sea with children's!

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This week was the European week of languages, so it was a little bit special. I went to different schools to talk about myself, my country and my language. I shared a lot of good moments and it helped me to remember why I am in Poland. My best day of the week was definitely in the Szkoła Podstawowa w Zlotorii. I'm really glad I visited them and I really want to thank them again. In the morning on Wednesday they took care of me and my appetite with a lot of Polish food: Babka ziemniaczana, Pierogi, bigos, Szarlotka ( yes all of this in the morning). The children's asked me a lot of questions, they were so interested in me it warmed my homesick and fragile little heart ❤️ I visited Zlotoria village in good company, teached them origami ans played outside with them. I think that's what I needed at this specific moment. When you feel a lack of energy it's amazing to be in contact with passionate people. I felt a lot of energy and kindness in this school. It really boosted my self confidence.

Then I went to another french volunteer school on Thursday, . This time it was more professional, I had to make a presentation about France several times and it was exhausting me. I felt like I wasn't close to them at all. I was giving information without anything in return and that's not really what I am looking for.

On Friday I went with Florian ( the french volunteer) in Wasilków and I felt more comfortable because it's a place I know, with people I know. It is more reassuring to me. We did the same presentation again and again and I kinda liked it. But I can say one bad thing , my disability to speak polish. Florian was capable de communiquate with them in polish, and it makes the contact way more easier. The language barrier is a real problem to me and it makes me sad. I have my owe way to communicate with them by creating things together for example but this difference makes me more shy.

I do believe every volunteers have different abilities and qualities they share in the school but unfortunately my polish is not one of them. I'm scared to be compared....

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On Monday I took a free day for my birthday. I just turned 21 far from my friends, family and home. I had a great day, I'm grateful to have other volunteers to be there for me. On Tuesday I went back to the school and I tried to continue the decorations on the wall I started the previous week with children. It turned more into a " draw me Pusheen and browl stars caractère" activity. I'm okay with this if they are happy .

Then on Wednesday and Thursday I participed to the school trip in Gdańsk. I will remember how beautiful the city is, and I felt happy to see the sea. I did great things and I'm grateful for this opportunity without any doubts. But I felt weird because I was always surrendered by so many people, it was always noisy and yet I felt lonely. I was following the wave without knowing what will happen next because I couldn't understand all the explanations in polish.

I should have asked more questions and talked more to people, what happened?

The more you wait the more the gap between you and the others becomes bigger. At the beginning I was tired and shy ( I also had some feminine troubles and to deal with pain) and then it evolved into a fear. The group was big and I was alone, incapable of speaking the same language as them. I'm disappointed by myself on this point but it's way more difficult than it seems to be.

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This week was kind of successful, more kids started to know me so it became easier to begin activities. When I come they want to know what I'm doing, they are curious. Sometimes they want to join, sometimes they don't. It depends on the group's energy and what is already happening in the room ( it's not rare in the morning to arrive and they are almost all watching a movie ). In this case it's more difficult to make them want to join me. But some activities really worked this week and I was happy. When it works I feel so much better, I'm scared to be useless here.

I also went to a class to talk about my country and french and I loved it. I want to share more about France But I need specific moments made for it, The kids are more focused and I can have real help from the teachers.

And finally I gave my French lessons with teenagers, I love my lessons. I can talk easily with them in English and learn more about their lives in school and how it works from their point of view. We are playing games about french and I'm also trying to learn polish with them. It's more about sharing than teaching and I like it. It's a small group so it's easier to enjoy without pressure and I think they are fast learners.

It was a good week before going back to France for a few days.

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This week was special to me because I went back to France for a few days. I saw my boyfriend, my family and my friends and I feel like my battery is full again! I was so happy in France, so the first day back in Poland I was depressed again. But I also have a lot of people I was happy to see here. It is not like the first day I arrived in Poland, this time I have some roots: my stuff in my flat, my friends, places I like to go, children I like, rooms I feel comfortable in school, the transportation I have to take.... All these kinds of things are making my return easier. But it's strange, when I was in Lyon I felt like my life was exactly the same as before. As if Poland was just a dream. That's why I had to come back, I'm expecting my volunteering to change me a little bit. I need to clarify my goals and think deeply about what my experience here is giving to me.

After my return my week was calm, I like my everyday life here. Buying my food, seeing my friends, going to school... I'm trying to stop stressing out about doing my job correctly or not. I'm just trying to enjoy it. Yesterday ula asked me for some help to create big flowers on paper for an event and I loved it. I like when people give me specific missions, please don't hesitate to ask me anything ^^

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Today I'm writing about a week full of emotions , Monday and Tuesday I felt sick and exhausted so I almost stayed at home all the time. Winter is coming so the cold is bringing diseases with him. It's kinda depressing but I will be okay.

I made several presentations about my culture in classes and I really liked it, I feel more integrated in school and it's better for me to have different kinds of missions. I'm starting to run out of activities ideas with kids. Maybe I should start to give English lessons or ask to use the gymnasium? But I need the help of someone I can communicate with to make it work.

I also went to the traditional polish dance lesson and it was great ! I danced and learned more about polish culture, I felt lucky and happy to have this opportunity.

On Friday I got invited to a special evening where kids make ginger bread at school. I liked the atmosphere and I made a poster in french with the recipe. At the end I was shocked to learn that they put the ginger bread 6 weeks in the fridge. I think I will still be in Poland in 6 weeks so it's okay. I can't wait to see Poland with the Xmas atmosphere !

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It was a very short week, I did some activities to decorate the świetlika with kids and they really liked it. I feel like they are more into it when it's for putting on the walls than doing it for themselves. Like this they see collective results and they are motivated to do several creations. I enjoy seeing this motivation and the room becomes prettier. I've met new kids, the shy ones I guess. More and more kids come to say hello to me and it makes me happy.

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My mood is good, I'm just trying to avoid having a routine. I want everyday to be interesting. I'm really glad to have this experience and my life here is good, but I miss a lot of people in France.

So this week I focused on decorations for independence day, I helped to make flowers and kotylion with children and we put everything in the main hall and świetlika. I really like the result.

I also made some boxes in origami with kids, and I'm happy to see how much they are used to my presence, sometimes they ask me to come in świetlika with them when they see me at school. They also like teaching me polish and wrote me some vocabulary to learn. I think it's very cute of them.

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I spent most of my week making beautiful decorations for Xmas and I think it's a nice project. If it's the best way to be useful then I will make as many decorations as possible before leaving. I'm starting to really enjoy Poland, especially with the other volunteers. We are lucky to all get along very well and we are doing a lot of things together. For example we went to Kraków last weekend and this weekend we are going to see the bison. It is true that my mission here is not fulfilling me completely, maybe I should ask to see more about lessons, like art lessons or PE but maybe it's just a way to satisfy my curiosity than being actually useful. But I'm happy that way, I'm starting to feel sad to think of my return, I will miss a lot of people.

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It's been a long time since I've written on this blog. I got sick and then even sicker. I'm always exhausted and my motivation is very low. Honestly I really don't want to share this vision of myself but after being sick for so long I don't have a fighting mindset anymore. I miss the sun ! ☀️ During these last 3 weeks I still succeed in doing a few nice activities with kids, like the waffles and bookmarks but I'm not proud of myself. I also did a poster as a "volunteering recaps" so I can still remember that this project is still full of good memories and success.

But I still have one week left and I'm really scared to finish my volunteering with a bad feeling.

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Today is my last day of volunteering, after a week at home I am happy to have a lot of human interactions again ! I have mixed feelings between happiness ( because everybody is so kind to me ) sadness to leave and apprehension of coming back to my previous life. I'm scared to be bored in Lyon and I'm scared to miss the people I meet in Poland. Now the balance is reversed, before I was sad to leave France, and now for the same reasons I'm sad to leave białystok . So I consider my volunteering as a success because I made my roots here and I have good life here, surrendered by people I love. I feel strange to imagine that all these moments I'm living in are just turning into memories. ..

Finally I want to say thank you to the school, to the headmaster, my coordinator and mentor for letting me have this amazing experience and taking care of me so well.

Tomorrow I'm taking my airplane and I will be welcomed by a beautiful Christmas three in my living room and the smiles of my family.

Merry Christmas ⛄