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TEAM 7 (Uyển My, Trần Hân, Ngọc Trâm, Hồng Bảo)

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TEAM 7 (Uyển My, Trần Hân, Ngọc Trâm, Hồng Bảo)

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Strength: vocab and complex grammar structures

Suggestion:

To further strengthen your argument, consider providing more specific examples, Make sure to review and revise your essay for grammar and punctuation errors.

The lives of celebrities are often closely followed in the media, but little attention is paid to ordinary people - the people who operate todays society=> today's society. Learning and sharing the stories of The lives of these people are not only worthwhile, but also valuable because of the profound values ​​they bring. In my opinion, I partly agree with this statement.

First of all, what convinces me most is that attending to the ordinary people => k có the help us promote empathy and understanding in society. As a matter of fact, humanity exists and develops by our humanistic values. These include many things like love, compassion, togetherness,... They help society not become emotionless and create opportunities for many people. For example, thanks for => thanks to the posts about people having difficulties (poverty, disease, war...) in life, they have received a lot of attention from good people, even changing their lives. News writing about the efforts of ordinary people also inspire young people by empathizing in the situation.=> đoạn này sẽ tăng điểm nếu có 1 ví dụ cụ thể cho luận điểm phía trên, vd 1 bài báo về người thật, việc thật e đã đọc Beyond any doubt, human's empathy and understanding are necessary and they deal with many problems in society.

In addition, another justification for this matter is that people tend to be drawn by the thrilling articles about celebrities, and it leads straight to the lack of attention and interest in social issues among ordinary live => in ordinary life, which should be adressed =>addressed probably. It's common knowledge that the more trending an article can be, the quicker people notice those social challenges in that article. For instance, just take a loon at the case of 2 billion vnd being embezzeled by an high school's principle=> principal. If this hadn't been brought up on the internet and quickly be noticed by a huge amount people, no one would ever know or even try to do anything about the embezzeled money. And importantly, who knows if there are still problems like this out there in society, still waiting to be blown up in media so that people would pay enough attention to dig up and address it carefully like how it should. There is no denial that without the support from medias, challenges among the ordinary people won't be adressed carefully and remains unsolved, and by that, sometimes, online newspaper should promote more about ordinary difficulties, rather than drawing more attention into only celebrities and famous people lives.

Inclosing, celebrities' live have a lot of effections in today society, however the people who needed those attentions aren't being treated properly especially in the internet, wherein there living condition and there contribution need to be wildly spread. Those story will beatify the society, giving life lesson to every individual and creating a better life for everyone.

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Team 4 ( Thiên Kim(14), Bảo Như , Hoàng Tài ,Văn Trung)

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Team 4 ( Thiên Kim(14), Bảo Như , Hoàng Tài ,Văn Trung)

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Many people argue that the media should spend more time reporting on the lives of ordinary people instead of the lives of celebrities such as actors singers footballers . personally i just partly agree wity thic matter for the following reasons

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Team 4 (Thiên Kim 14, Bảo Như, Hoàng Tài, Văn Trung)

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Team 4 (Thiên Kim 14, Bảo Như, Hoàng Tài, Văn Trung)

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Strength: Specific example of Sulli

Suggestion: data to support your argument in body 2, Check for grammatical errors, particularly in verb tense consistency and sentence structure.

Many people argue that the media should spend more time reporting on the lives of ordinary people instead of celebrities such as actors, singers, footballers...Personally, i just partly agree with this matter for the following reasons.

First of all, what convinces me is privacy invasion and negative effects on mental health. In fact, celebrities are followed almost everywhere. They lose their privacy and are easily depressed because of anti-fans. There are many cases of singers and actors committing suicide due to depression. For example, Sulli-a korean singer, she suicided because anti fan make her depress => chia thì quá khứ. Beyond any doubt, posting news about celebrities means that they will lose their privacy and always have to worry about being photographed, which can affect their mental health.

On the other hand, looking at the issue from the other aspect, i also believe that the media posts news about celebrities to increase viewership and readership. Usually, the news about celebrities' lives and dramas will attract more views, meaning they will earn more money. For example, news about a famous singer's drama will attract more viewers than news about an ordinary person.=> thuyết phục hơn là cho số liệu về việc tăng lượt view của 1 báo hay đài và lợi ích qua con số đó, There is no denial that the attractiveness of news about celebrities, therefore, it understandable that the media often publishes news about them more than ordinary people.

Overall, posting too much news about celebrities can bring great benefits to the media, but it will cause celebrities to lose their privacy and affect their mental health. In my opinion, it is not wrong for the media to post news about famous people, but they should reduce the frequency of posting and instead post about ordinary people so that famous people can have a little private space.

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Team 6 ( Thanh thảo, thảo vy, trang , kim 13 )

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Team 6 ( Thanh thảo, thảo vy, trang , kim 13 )

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Strength: presents a clear opinion on the topic

Suggestion: Use a variety of vocabulary and sentence structures to demonstrate your language proficiency. Avoid repetitive phrases and grammatical errors (which are highlighted in your essay - sai N số ít nhiều, chia động từ và sai chính tả, chia loại từ).

Nowadays, the events of celebrities become the famous and the tag that attract every ages of people. Someone believe the trend of the media pay much attention to the life of celebrities is good. In other hand, people suggest the media should spend more time to report the lives of ordinary people. Personally, I think the events of ordinary people are more important than celebrities’ events.

In recent years, there are more issue appearing in the society which catch human's attraction. It is certainly true that young people will be influence by those bad events which come from celebrities. For example, people get new on the internet or other media.They must get some information about actors, singers or footballs.However, the event which is not good will give young people negative energy. And young people maybe will learn what famous person do. The example describe a very clear example that will happen. => Nên cho 1 ví dụ cụ thể như 1 idol nào làm mà gây xấu cho giới trẻ bắt chước

The main argument I also against of is that reporting the life of ordinary people that is the country need. The reason of this argument is people should live in the world of their daily life but not to copy what life like to live. It just Means people should know moe daily news in the society which they live. For instance, people should remember how to be an excellent residents in the country and observe what happened around them. Those are what people do not interest in and lack of. But it is necessities. Consequently, I support the media should spent more time on the lives of normal person.

All in all, it is a best choice to pay more attention to the lives and relationships of stars in very part of the world.The information of them is more and more appear. What I believe is that people live for their own but not for the celebrities so that need to get the informations of what will happen in society and daily.

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TEAM 7 (Trần Hân, Uyển My, Ngọc Trâm, Hồng Bảo)

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TEAM 7 (Trần Hân, Uyển My, Ngọc Trâm, Hồng Bảo)

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The lives of celebrities are often closely followed in the media, but little attention is paid to ordinary people - the people who operate todays society. Learning and sharing the stories of the lives of these people are not only worthwhile, but also valuable because of the profound values ​​they bring. In my opinion, I partly agree with this statement.

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Team 3 ( Lê Khiết, Lê Duy, Lê Tuấn, Minh Luân)

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Team 3 ( Lê Khiết, Lê Duy, Lê Tuấn, Minh Luân)

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Team 10 (Anh Duy, Minh Trí, Phương Thảo, Mỹ Mỹ)

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Team 10 (Anh Duy, Minh Trí, Phương Thảo, Mỹ Mỹ)

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Strength: one specific example in body 2

Suggestion: In conclusion, should summarize points developed in the body before further thought .

It is obvious that celebrities' personal life has always attracted the media attention. Consequently, many people argue that the lives of common people should be noticed as well. Personally, I completely agree with this view for the following reason.

First of all, what convinces me most is that focusing on civilian will addressing important social issues and challenges. It is common knowledge that lives are never easy, especially people who live in underdeveloped areas or areas affected by war. Nevertheless, not all people realize this, thus these obstacles and difficulties need to be pointed out by the media. For example, the future path that every student have to chose, but with no or too little information about the hardship they must face, they become lost direction and thus a vague future. Beyond any doubt, improving people's comprehension of the nature of the reality is essential.

In addition, another justification for this matter is that it will promoting empathy and understanding. As a matter of fact, the concept of ‘knowing’ and ‘understanding’ are different. People are all aware of the same information, but they don’t perceive the same .The media, however, can direct people to one view through the messages it conveys. For instance, the tragic event behind the story of the famous photograph “The vulture and the Little Girl” took by Kevin Carter, who later committed suicide .There is no denial that empathy is compulsory in nowadays society, where every circumstances all have their own affair.

To summarize, I think the media have the duty to report what is true and what is necessary for the people, therefore, they should prioritize covering the lives of ordinary people.=> In conclusion, it is imperative for the media to prioritize the coverage of ordinary people's lives, as this not only sheds light on important social issues and challenges but also fosters empathy and understanding among the public. By focusing on the realities faced by everyday individuals, the media plays a crucial role in promoting awareness and compassion in society.

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Team 5 (Văn Long, Ánh Dương, Ngọc Ánh, An Thi)

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Team 5 (Văn Long, Ánh Dương, Ngọc Ánh, An Thi)

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_ The main ideas are not well-developed, and there is a lack of supporting evidence( more specific examples to strengthen the argument)

_ There is a limited range of vocabulary

Many people argue that the famous person such as actors, singers or footballers are more and more attractive on the media. Personally, I partly agree with this staement that media should spend more time to report the live of ordinary people.

Reporting the live of normal people will be more attractive with the social. Initially, the life which is not famous will be so strange with the general public because they have not seen it before. Secondly, they will have more idea to make a video or picture to upload online and increase the viewership and readership.

On the other hand, it also have so much harmf. Firstly, if they reporting the bad thing of the human's life, people who go on like will comment and some words not very good that may make the main of the video have psycochogy problem. Secondly, if in the future the normal person is famous by a lot of reporting and there are some new person with a new story. Then the media will be forget and do not have any benifit just waise their time.

In conclution, while pay more attention to ordinary people would have more benefit but there always exist the drawbacks so if the general social wait tk have more view by ordinary people. They must think about the result to make sure both of them will have good things.

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TEAM 8 (Đỗ Hân, Nguyễn Yến, Như An, Yến Linh)

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TEAM 8 (Đỗ Hân, Nguyễn Yến, Như An, Yến Linh)

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Strength: Good body 1

Suggestion:

Highlighted parts might be minor grammatical errors (chính tả, danh từ ít nhiều, chia V, thì chia word form, liên kết câu)

Body is quite long => and points are not focused => one body should have only 1 central topic and only 250-300 words

Nowadays , the social media just prefers to focus and spend too much time on discussing about the lives of famous people more than normal people. From my point of view, I totally agree with this view for the following reasons.

On the one hand, what convines me most is that privacy invasion and negative mental for health. As a matter of fact, netizens really like exploiting stories about the private lives of other people, especially famous people, to publish information in newspapers and on social networks has become popular. Additionally, the parrazazi they always follow them, take private photos of them and publish ona the articles and images posted, we can recognize this is a signs of ivasion privacy and causing suffering to others. That lead to have an enormous impact on celebrities's physical and mental health and make them inconfident when they live in their own life. However, instead of concentrating on famous people, we should also mention more information about how ordinary people's life. In terms of privacy, ordinary people enjoy more anonymity and freedom in their daily lives. They can dress, walk, and have fun without constant scrutiny.

While celebrities capture our attention, it’s essential to recognize the value of everyday lives. Ordinary people contribute to society, build families, and find happiness in simpler moments. Therefore, we should limit the invasion of privacy of celebrities, they are human beings and of course they must live like ordinary people and we should also prioritize covering the lives ordinary people to balance our society. => đoạn này hơi dư thừa vì có lập lại như body 1,

In addition, another justification for this matter is that distraction from more important news and issues. Many ordinary people do extraordinary things, which inspire us to greater efforts. But neitizens just concern about celebrities, which are profitless and help nothing for our life. For example, Quach Thi Bich Nu- a teacher as well as a boatman. In the cold weather 8°C, she row a boat to take students to school everyday without any fees. => câu chuyện của cô đêm lại bài học gì??? At last, instead of paying attention to celebrities’s life and private, i think we can study from ordinary people but don’t trivial.

In conclusion, although there are many opposite views, I strongly support the opinion that the media should spend more attention for ordinary people instead of scrutinise the private lifes of celebrities.

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Strength: well-written and makes a compelling argument for shifting media focus from celebrities to ordinary people

Suggestion: adding more detailed examples could further strengthen your argument and make it more persuasive. and complex sentences

In the present age, media platforms are a convenient tool for the press to cover mostly news about celebrities. While it is true to some extent, I would argue that it is better to report more about the daily lives of ordinary people. It not only helps well-known people enjoy their own lives but also gives us a way to know more about ordinary people.

One the one hand, the paparazzi are always stalking the privacies of famous people, which takes a toll on their mental health such as depression. Therefore, instead of focusing on them, the media should pay more attention to the lives of ordinary people. Because it will help celebs get away from unexpected critical comments that let them down and so help them live their own life => Hence, rather than concentrating on celebrities, the media should prioritize the lives of ordinary people. This shift in focus will aid celebrities in escaping unexpected critical comments, allowing them to lead their lives without undue interference.. As we can see, many well-known people try to protect their children from the media due to their privacy. They don't let these kids suffer any negative justifications.

On the other hand, if the social networks talk more about the lives of ordinary people, it gives us insight into things. To be specific, we are always ready to express sympathy to homeless people or disabled people to criticize anyone's bad behavior. Additionally, we all need to be inspired by the positives. Thus, the media should allow us to follow those who set the example of good things and condemn those who commit a crime. For instance, we can hear about volunteers who spend their time, money, and efforts to overcome the COVID-19 pandemic, giving us a sense of humanity.

In conclusion, although it is true to some extent that talking more about the lives of ordinary individuals is a good thing. Everyone can benefit: celebrities have their private lives, while ordinary people have awareness of their realistic lives.

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Strength: x

Suggestion:

consider providing more detailed examples and explanations to support your arguments

Where is your conclusion?=> thiếu kết luận sẽ bị trừ diểm trong ielts

Check comments below for better understanding

Nowadays, many people argue that more and more celebrities are getting the most attention. As the result, the lives and relationships around them are taken note of the media through printing or broadcasting. Instead, they should focus on the lives of the working class. Personally, I absolutely agree with this view for the following reasons.

First of all, what convinces me most is that it increases the potential challenges in finding interesting and compelling stories about ordinary people => cái này bất lợi cho media nếu họ nói về ng bình dân vì khó tìm câu chuyện hay trong triệu người => cho nên đoạn này các em viết bị trật đề, bài này để viết dễ nhất là body 1: lợi ích nếu tập trung ng nổi tiếng nhưng kèm theo ảnh hưởng xấu cho giới trẻ, body 2 lợi ích cho xã hội nhưng bất lợi cho media vì k kiếm dc view để kiếm tiền do chuyện của ng bình dân phải xuất chúng mới thu hút dc ng xem . As the matter of fact, this can prove the people to see the hardships of that work and empathize with their plights. For example, the media are now broadcasting about many cleaners always keep the roads clean,…

On the other hand, media plays an important role in society life, particularly for youngsters. Many young people watch television for entertain, like films and reality shows rather than news because celebrities life become trends nowadays. Moreover, they usually adapt the life style and activity to their life, which can be a bad influence for them if they do not choose wisely. For instance, they will be more tolerant with mini dress or get drunk, so media should to announce good news of ordinary people.

There is no denial that the media should focus more on the common life of normal people to attract the views and increase the profitability and commercials.

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Team 11 ( Sĩ Phú, Trần Yến, Mai Thy, Khôi Minh )

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Team 11 ( Sĩ Phú, Trần Yến, Mai Thy, Khôi Minh )

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Feedback :

Strength: Clear arguments

suggestion: The introduction and conclusion are not smooth

Many people argue that the media focus to much on the lives and relationships of well know person, or they can spend more time for the lives of individual. Personally, I completely partly agree with the former. => Many people argue that the media focuses too much on the lives and relationships of well-known individuals, rather than spending more time covering the lives of ordinary people. Personally, I partially agree with the former perspective

First of all, what convinces me most is that it can increased viewership and readership. As matter of fact, it can bring a lot of money to journalist. For example, if they wrote a news about Ronaldo, netizen would pay more attention on this news. So they can gain a lot of profit from that interaction. Beyond any doubt, that why they follow more information about celeb.

In addition, another justification for this matter is that it promoting empathy and understanding in society. It common knowledge that when actors, singers or another celebrities have many difficulties in their life, at that time, journalists will bring that news to the online community. Those audiences will therefore understand and sympathize with the difficulties that celebrities face. For instance, a famous singer was under pressure in life, she was depressed and didn't want to meet the audience anymore. At this time, thanks to the media, fans can understand the singer's current condition so they can write letters of comfort or send gifts for her. There is no denial that media can help netizen better understand the life difficulties their idols are facing.

In conclusion, journalists should still follow the lives of celebrities, they should also report accurate news about them. I completely agree with my above point of view. => In conclusion, it is essential for journalists to maintain accurate reporting while covering the lives of celebrities. I firmly support this perspective and emphasize the importance of upholding journalistic integrity in celebrity news coverage.

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TEAM 1 (Lê Tài, Anh Việt, Anh Thư, Minh Hoàng)

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TEAM 1 (Lê Tài, Anh Việt, Anh Thư, Minh Hoàng)

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Feedback: Good

The essay provides some relevant examples to support the argument and acknowledges the potential benefits of focusing on ordinary people.

BUT there are some errors in sentence structure and tense consistency, word formation errors are noticeable

In contemporary society, many people dispute that social media is more concerned about celebrities than ordinary people. In my perspective, I entirely agree with this sight for the following reasons.

First of all, what convinces me most is that it can possibly help celebrity get there personal space and ordinary people can also be noticed by other too. As a matter of fact, when the internet focuse on ordinary people more the less paparazzi stalked celebrities for news. For example, Katy Perry the famous idol used to get follow by a lot of paparazzi when she was just going out and have fun with her family and another example is that unordinary things that were done by ordinary people can also be a good story for inspiration and touching story. Beyond any doubt, news about ordinary people do amazing thing need to be more well spread and read so people can stop pointing and judging celebrity mistakes and focus on the amazing thing other can do, that is a healthy way to use social media.

However, I contend that we ought to focus more on the lives of common people. Without reading articles like these, the general public is unaware of the hardships faced by the impoverished and marginalized. The community will be well-informed and look for ways to help the less fortunate if the media provides more information about their struggles. For example, people all over the nation are able to donate money, goods, food, and clothing to victims of the flood in Central Vietnam because of the continuous updates on the situation. Governments can also develop policies and solutions to raise the living standards of their constituents by getting a deeper understanding of their daily lives.

In conclusion, it is indisputable that the media must be informed about the private lives of celebrities. In general, this can be advantageous for both society and the individual, but in order to create a better community, the media also needs to focus more on the lives of regular people.

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TEAM 9 ( Nhật Long, Minh Quân, Quốc Bảo, Bá Hưng)

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TEAM 9 ( Nhật Long, Minh Quân, Quốc Bảo, Bá Hưng)

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Yẹt sơ