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I really like your transition word you used. They stood out and your piece was well written. I also admire how your first claim is, the way you said how karma is real, was really great. 👍 One wish I have for you though would probably be to add a little more detail to your evidence #2.

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Hi, Gabe! First off, you and my claims aren’t that different so I agree with your claim . In addition I liked all of the don’t judge a book by a cover talk in your second explanation . But I did see a lot of grammar errors.

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Hello Gabe. To start off your word choice is amazing. Words like “conveyed” and “karma” elevated your piece a lot. Your word choice was truly impressive. Another strength of your essay is giving real world situations and comparing them to what happened in the Pixar Short. I have never seen anybody give real world situations so I thought that was very impressive. However, one wish I have is for you to elevate your explanations a little more. Elating your explanations is the last step you need to take. Overall, great job!

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Wassup  Gabe!!! One strength I found in your piece is your evidences ability to backup your claim. Another strength is the amount of confidence your writing sounds.  But I found dozens of grammar issues many of them were not putting a space after a period or missing letters.

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One star of your piece “the sheep” was your evidence. This was because you do a great job of organizing and actually connecting your evidence to your claim. Another star is that your evidence was long but wasn’t just rambling on and cam up with new topics . My only wish is that you didn’t really have that many transitions.

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One star is your transition words. Your transition words are very good. They vary, so it does not sound repetitive. The length of your writing is very good because it is not super short, and takes a good time to read. It has a lot of information supporting your claim. Something that you could work on is just a few grammar mistakes, like commas in the wrong place.

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Something that I enjoyed throughout your writing was your theme and your lessons. It’s really thoughtful and a good lesson. Another thing that I liked about your story was how the character traits were made. ONe thing that i wish though was i saw some grammar mistakes and more dialouge.

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⭐️I liked how long your story was, I could really see how much work you put into the story.⭐️I liked how steal was incorporated into your story, I also liked how you exploded the moment and how you made me see this moment in my head so I clearly.🧞‍♂️i wish you could add a little more thought into the title of your story

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I think that your details worked out great, all the descriptive words and the figurative language, i really fell into it. I think what your doing is good for now but maybe use different words to make it better, i would think maybe using less boring words instead so the reader really understands or believes the story very well. It can help a lot and with the grammar, go back and help yourself. Change and fix the grammar to. Everything so far is great and perfect. I love it

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You had very good descriptions on what was happening and I could picture the characters and the settings.

I also thought that you had very good figurative language. I really liked it when you said, “The raindrops looked like precious jewels falling out of the sky”.

One thing that you could have changed was your spelling and grammar errors. I noticed a few times where you misspelled words, didn’t have spaces, or you didn’t have capitalization when needed.

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One strength of your narrative is how you were able to describe the details of your story and give me a vivid picture of what was going on. Another strength of your narrative is how you had an encouraging ending that was very motivational. One wish I could offer would be to have better punctuation.

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One strength of your narrative is how you were able to describe the details of your story and give me a vivid picture of what was going on. Another strength of your narrative is how you had an encouraging ending that was very motivational. One wish I could offer would be to have better punctuation.

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I loved how you stated your story well. Though I can see excellent grammar I still wish it was a little bit longer.

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The biggest strength in your memoir is how you described how you felt at the end of the game and how you really described what you feel and how you know your team could have done better. Another strength you have is how you made me feel like I was there with you. One wish I have is I could not find A lesson of your memoir desires saying that being in a championship game is rare. Overall great memoir.

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I love how in your memoir, it was very descriptive so I could picture exactly where you were and how you were feeling. You really showed every detail of every step you took and how you felt after you lossed. It made me feel like I was there with you.

Your use of figurative language was very good and it made me feel how you felt. I really liked it when you said, “I thought it was going to be easy, but it was as hard as a rock”, because it showed how it was a tough loss for you and your team.

I do think that you could have used different words and been a little bit less repetitive. You said the same thing a lot and used the same words. I thought that you could have changed up the vocabulary.