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The claim was amazing. Also the sum up was good. The evidence was the best

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One thing I liked was your sentence starters one I really liked was “As time goes by” It showed how much they really mocked him. Another thing I liked was when you used examples to compare it to things. Like when you said “Instantly, more birds started falling down from the sky “Then after, the wire gets shot up into the air like a nascar going 100 miles per hour.” It shows how fast they really went. One thing you can work on however is your ending. I think the theme used in the sum up could have had stronger word choice. Like instead of “The theme is to always include others.” I think you could have done something stronger like. “The important theme in For The Birds is to always include others even if they are different.” It adds stronger word choice to the end of your paragraph and I think it would help a ton.

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Hey,! Charlie A strength of your theme analysis paragraph, “Bound” is all the evidence that you put into your explanation explaining how the Jackalope helped the sheep get over losing his wool.To conclude, I really liked how you explained why it doesn't matter if your different and that you should love who you are and to accept who you are.However, a suggestion that I can offer for improvement is to next time add the other evidence and explanation before the sum up.

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I think in your theme analysis paragraph, the explanation was very thoughtful. Such as it perfectly explained what the evidence was talking about! Not to mention the strong details, such as when he mentioned that the wool will grow back! It believe it focuses on a good lesson for excepting who you are. But, there are a few downsides to this piece. Such as the length of this piece. As the contents are good, yes. But the length is very low. And I would suggest you write more next time to make it more enjoyable. Since it’s already so enjoyable, so if more is added it would definitely be much better. Another example of this is the transition words. Firstly, one of them is used a few times, which is “To add on”, which is lack of diversity. But, besides that this piece is very good. Good job!

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Hi Charlie. A strength of your theme analysis paragraph “Bound” was how you used a lot of good transition words. I really liked the transition words “Certainly,” and “to elaborate.” I like those transition words because they made the most sense with the rest of your piece and their strong transition words. In addition i liked how you explained your evidence. When you explained your evidence it made me understand it a lot more. It also helped me understand what the Pixar short was about a bit more. However, I feel that you could have used different transition word because not all of them made sense. For example when you said “Yet, one must love who they are no matter what.” It didn’t really make sense to me. Also when you said “Indeed, this matters because Jackalope is teaching the sheep how to get over losing his wool because It will always grow back.” That didn’t really make sense to me either but besides that i thought it was really good.

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I really liked your theme because it really stands out to me, with all of the vocabulary you used, and what your take was on what the short meant. Your transition words were very good, and I liked how you had a lot of them, loving the paragraph along. One wish that I have is that it could be longer, because it only has 1 evidence and 1 explanation.

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Hi Charlie! A strength of your theme analysis paragraph, “Bound” is all of the creative transition words. In particular I enjoyed it when it said, “Certainly, “Yet,” and “To wrap it up.” Additionally, I enjoyed your sum up sentence. It had good word choice. For example, I enjoyed the word, “Unique.” However, a suggestion I can offer is to elaborate further in your explanation. Your explanation is bland and just over views the evidence. You need to dig deeper. But, other than that, great job!

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One thing I think you did well in your paragraph is the explanation. You did well explaining the evidence and how it related to your theme. Another thing you did well was your sum  up. You did well wrapping up the paragraph. One thing to work on is your claim. I think you could have been a bit more descriptive but overall this was very good.

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I really liked the transition words you used and how they were a really good word choice. I also liked how good your claims were and how they really made sense and made the cees paragraphs come together. One which I have for you though is that you could’ve highlighted some of the transition words you had. (Some weren’t highlighted) Overall, nice job Charlie!

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I liked how in your introduction to your on demand essay I immediately knew what side you were on It was straight to the point. I also liked how in the introduction you said how it would help someone like a kid with a disability. One thing you can work on is expanding on the kid not completing his work on time and more about the kid as it would give more information on how it would help.

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Hello, Charlie! In your essay “Sports in school” I saw a lot of words in your explanation! Your punctuation is very great as well! Although i suggest you use different transitions because i saw a low of “To further elaborate” and “certainly” throughout your essay.

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In your persuasive essay, Sports in School, a star I have is that it had very good claims. All of your reasons for why sports should be in school were very good. Another star I have for you is that your essay is that you had a lot of evidence to support your claims. You picked some good parts from the other articles to use in your evidence. A wish I have for you is that your zinger could’ve been a bit more “zingy”. What I mean by that is you could’ve added a quote from someone or some catchy phrase. It would’ve been better then another fact.

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A strength of your essay “Sports In Schools” was your anecdotes. They were good and I could picture them in my head as I read them. I also liked your introduction paragraph. I immediately knew what side you were on and It was good describing it. One wish is for you to change however is your look to the future. I think you could have said something if they didn't add sports at the beginning of it. You could say “If schools don't add sports kids might not ever try sports and wont have as much fun.” This way it expands on what will happen that parents don't want.

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One thing I liked was that with the dialogue you could tell what their tone of voice someone was speaking with. When they are arguing over the program you can just tell that Kevin is loudly complaining. Another part I liked was when you compared crowells speed to a cheetah or the flash. It shows how fast and energetic He really is. One thing you could improve was the ending though. It felt rushed like you just didn't want to work on it any longer, but overall It was a good story!

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In your memoir, “ Memories ” the way in which you started to talk about your memory that you experienced in your past was very sad. I must imagine how you felt about someone you knew your whole life and having to lose them. I also really like in your memoir about how you talked and explained in good detail about how you felt in that memory of yours and all the emotions you felt at that moment in time and all the other details you gave to little things like when you said “ It was a dark and dreary night. I was at my house on the soft and ripped up couch.” I really loved the detail you put onto that one little moment. I like everything else you did in your story however I would have liked it better if you explained how you got to the point you are at now and also you have a few little mistakes I think you should fix.

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A strength in your memoir was how detailed and descriptive you were about how you felt and your inner thoughts about the final day with your dog, another strength about your memoir is how you said at the end a impacting, wise lesson, and you also showed how you loved your dog instead of just saying you loved your dog. However, i think you could possibly improve your memoir is by writing about how it affected you mentally.

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I really like the first 6 senteces I think the attention to detail was nice and very profetinal I liked it a lot. I think you can inprove a bit more by a better leson maybe. all an all 100/100

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I really like the first 6 senteces I think the attention to detail was nice and very profetinal I liked it a lot. I think you can inprove a bit more by a better leson maybe. all an all 100/100

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A strength of your memoir was the fact that you included lots of inner thoughts. They really showed how you felt about losing your dog. I liked the one where you said “I wish I had a time machine.” It added a lot of emotion. Another strength of your memoir was that it was a very emotional and powerful moment. It had lots of meaning and the figurative language helped too. A wish I have is that you could have stretched your ending a bit more. It was very brief and short.😛

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A strength of your memoir was the fact that you included lots of inner thoughts. They really showed how you felt about losing your dog. I liked the one where you said “I wish I had a time machine.” It added a lot of emotion. Another strength of your memoir was that it was a very emotional and powerful moment. It had lots of meaning and the figurative language helped too. A wish I have is that you could have stretched your ending a bit more. It was very brief and short.😛

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I like all the details you added to your story of how you're feeling at the moment.It was emotional which is what made it powerful.i also like how you explained the day outside and how it was a gloomy day.My wish is that you could of explained how your dog looked like so the reader and picture what your dog was like.

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That memoir was so emotional but very nice in a way. I really liked how you ended with something very emotional but relatable. I know how have a pet is awesome, but then losing them is the worst thing to happen. This memoir is also really good for someone who has lost a pet in their life. It’s good because it shows them why sometimes you have to let go. Although the story could have been a little more descriptive on how the day ended, you don’t have to add it if it’s too sad tho.

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I liked how you made it sadder by describing the weather i feel like that made it a lot better i also liked how you were discribing your couch one thing that could have made it better saying how long you had your dog for

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I liked how he mentioned the weather as it related to the sad day he had and how it made it worse. He mentioned how it could have been a nice sunny day but it wasn't. Mentioning how it could have been makes his moment better showing how the weather could have maybe made him a bit better. I liked how he showed how much Ralph meant to him. He said he was the best thing that ever happened to him. By showing the reader how much Ralph meant to him adds more emotion making his piece so much sadder.  I think he should have added some fun memories he had with his dog. This would show the reader he loved his dog instead of just telling them he loved his dog.