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1. How has education started to change from a “banking education” mindset?                 2. In what ways are you and/or your schools still functioning as “top down” communicators?   3. What chapter or Conversation Belief/Habit do you most look forward to learning about?

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Shared Folder

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For where I am right now, I marked myself as strong with collaboration. I think that is because I really enjoy learning, creating, sharing - and I thrive off of those opportunities. =I would like to build strength with successfully redirecting destructive conversations. Because I really try to emotionally connect when I am listening, I have a hard time taking a difficult conversation and moving it to a productive place if the conversation partner is in a different mindset than I am.

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Something that that I have always valued and tried to initiate is building emotional connections and praising others effectively. I would really like to work on becoming a more present listener that asks more efficient and effective questions. This is a HUGE area of growth for me!!

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Something that that I have always valued and tried to initiate is building emotional connections and praising others effectively. I would really like to work on becoming a more present listener that asks more efficient and effective questions. This is a HUGE area of growth for me!!

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1. I am aware of my communication habits and how much help this book can offer for how I can change those habits.
2. I want to learn to be more efficient and proficient with connection and supportive communication.

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1. Learning is best done in partnership, people learn more when they own that learning.
2.

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1. Education is changing by providing opportunities for student-selected learning. AUTHENTIC learning opportunities vs. checkboxes are being embedded more often!
2. It seems as though we do a lot of sharing with teachers rather than involving them in decisions. We can help to equip everyone with tools to make great decisions and include them more in our initiatives moving forward.
3. I am really looking forward to learning more about seeing conversation partners as equals. I believe that we ARE equal, but am I always SHOWING that in conversations?

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Chapter 2 Questions                                 1. Which of the 6 beliefs do you struggle with the most?As coaches and educators how can we value the opinions of our fellow coworkers and students?2. What chapter or Conversation Belief/Habit do you most look forward to learning about?       3. On page 32, Knight says, “Respecting others’ needs for autonomy is also a good thing to do simply because trying to control others is dehumanizing.”  Is dehumanizing too strong (or not strong enough) of a word in this context?  Explain.   

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Chapter 2 Questions                                 1. Which of the 6 beliefs do you struggle with the most?As coaches and educators how can we value the opinions of our fellow coworkers and students?2. What chapter or Conversation Belief/Habit do you most look forward to learning about?       3. On page 32, Knight says, “Respecting others’ needs for autonomy is also a good thing to do simply because trying to control others is dehumanizing.”  Is dehumanizing too strong (or not strong enough) of a word in this context?  Explain.   

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1. I struggle the most with with showing AND seeing conversation partners as equals. A harsh reality that I had to come to terms with while reading was understanding how I lead questioning and conversations so that I do not become an "expert". 2. We can value opinions by listening and TAKING TIME to place value on feedback. 3. I am excited to read more about fostering dialogue and doing so effectively. 4. I think that it is a strong word, BUT fits when talking about control. When we don't give others a chance to share what they think, there is a loss of that freedom to share or contribute.

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1. Looking back at a conversation where you attempted to identify empathy, how well did you perceive the spoken and unspoken needs your conversation partner had?

2. Looking ahead at a future conversation, what can you do to make sure you focus on the emotions and needs of others?

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1. Which of the five advocacy strategies (74-78) do you struggle with and which ONE strategy do you want to focus on to improve?

2. Which of the four inquiry strategies (78-83) do are you the best at and which ONE strategy do you want to focus on to improve?

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1. Which of the “false question types” do you find yourself asking most often (93)?

2. Why is it so difficult to ask authentic, open questions?

3. What would happen if you became better at asking better questions during conversations?

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1. The belief that I most struggle with is belief 1: I see conversation partners as equals. By reflecting on my conversations, I notice that I really want to give closure and provide people with answers. My need for closure often leads me to some of the midsteps that engender resistance.

2. I am really looking forward to Chapter 5 and Chapter 8. I want to get better at asking the right questions, without leading and pushing towards a certain response. I look forward to chapter 8 as well. Since connecting with people is something that I find as a strength, I have a hard time finding a balance between offering a listening ear and redirecting to a more positive conversation.

3. I think the term dehumanizing is correct in this context, but likely comes across as a hard pill to swallow because I think most of the time, the actions taken are unintentional. However, I am sure that after these converations if we were able to tap into the feelings of our conversation partners, I bet that dehumanized is exactly the way that they felt leaving the conversation.

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1. I definitely feel the struggle with expertise.  I want to have "street cred" and pride myself on "knowing my stuff." I just encountered this last night where I wish I would have worded something better through text messaging instead of including that I knew the tool.
2. Judgement.  I'm not one to judge others and find the good in each person I meet. However, I do struggle with giving unsolicited advice. I think it's the Italian in me!
3. I think using that word may be too strong.  I'd lean more towards devaluing.

-Dana

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1. I am most interested in improving my listening skills, my beliefs around wanting to hear what others have to say are ready for some updates.  The shared struggle of collaboration is when teams feel connected and valued.
2. Better listening habits and asking better questions are my selfish chapters.  Controlling toxic emotions and Building trust have my curiosity peaked, I'm sure there will be things to gain here as well.
3. Dehumanizing matches, top-down dialogue causes an imbalance worth addressing.

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1. With the spoken and unspoken needs of my conversation partner, I reflect on the conversation where I struggled with using strategy 1. I think that often times what I respond with is in agreement, as the chapter suggested, but still interrupts the speaker.

2. In future conversations, I am goign to work on being a better listener. I am hoping that I can really work on listening to understand vs. listening to respond. I think that rather than trying to connect or respond with my personal ideas, I will listen and ask questions to put the ball back in the court of my conversation partner.

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1. Looking back at past conversations, I THOUGHT that I was listening, but I find that I wasn't truly allowing myself to be changed by the conversation. I can think of a few situations where my mindset was fixed and I did not do everything that I could to take in the true feelings or experiences of my talk partner.

2. Looking ahead, I want to be pausing more before responding. Currently, I feel as though I am thinking through a response as the person is talking, BEFORE they finish talking. This is all a part of wanting to solution-seek efficiently, BUT I need to focus more on others' thinking in the moment, and then take time to pause and reflect.

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1. This chapter reminded me of Stephen Covey's 7 habits: Seek first to understand, then to be understood.  Reflectively, this pops up from time to time........or more often than I care to admit....in my listening to respond mode.  A work in progress......

2. I appreciated the quote from p. 50 - Roman Krznaric - two points in particular: the idea of humanizing imagination and that our our personal empathy quota is not fixed.  Seems to tease the idea that conversations are life giving, which I'm selfishly excited to get to!  Interrupting is my target.

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1. I feel that I’ve been a good listener in the past especially in coaching teachers. I’ve felt that “been there, done that” perspective I brought to conversations was a strength and immediate connection with my conversation partner.  However in reflecting, I’m realizing that is flawed. Just because I’ve dealt with similar situations doesn’t immediately translate to understanding and empathy.
2. I need to transfer a growth mindset into my future conversations.  I need to have an openness to a conversation being an opportunity to learn, not just listen. In addition, I need to focus on the “how” I’m going to respond and not just the “what” I’m going to say.  I need to practice the “Pause and Think” strategy in both my professional and personal conversations taking into account the needs of others.

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1. I think that usually I am able to show empathy and listen to others' experiences. HOWEVER, I do not always need to a respond with a "I understand because I've been there". I can just as easily respond with a "I hear you, and your feelings are validated."

2. Looking ahead, I think that I can absolutely put a to-do list aside. Sometimes (even when I don't vocalize it), my brain is focused more on what needs to be accomplished. This will free up my listening and consideration for what's happening in the other!

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1. Being more humble by having more of an ASKING rather than TELLING mindset is something that I want to focus on. While I don't always believe that I know more than anyone else, I like to GET THINGS DONE. Telling seems more efficient, when in reality, I need to ask more questions to develop a deeper connection and understanding.

2. Telling stories is something that I feel is a strength. The teacher in me likes to make connections and relate learning/growth to familiar/engaging stories.

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I struggle with the curse of knowledge. I live by the quote "Do the best you can until you know better. Then, when you know better, do better". Sometimes, with the amount of resources and opportunities people have had to learn and "know better" I have a hard time when knowledge isn't mutual.

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1) Sometimes, I take comfort in not having an anecdote for every situation. I think it is possible to come off as disingenuous if you always have been in the situation. I liked the explanation that empathy meant you felt a similar emotion to the speaker. If you felt a different emotion, you weren't practicing empathy. That's my take-away from this chapter because I can use it to keep myself in check.
2) I plan to try to feel what the teacher is feeling and then try to fix it.

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1) I struggle with the curse of knowledge in this position because, so many times, my conversation partner is looking for that knowledge to solve a problem. It sometimes creates an imbalanced conversation, which can become troublesome. I'd like to work on considering others thoughts and feelings, simply because many of my conversations center around knowledge I have and a quick answer. If I can take a step back and have a conversation before giving answers, maybe we can get further.
2) I like to think I'm good at being open to new ideas. In this job, resources are constantly changing, so we are always learning new things. I'd like to be better at empathy, as I would like to work on being a better listener.

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1) I find myself using demand questions to make conversation when I feel I need to.
2) I think it's hard to ask authentic, open questions because they require time to think and then thoughtfully answer, discuss, and edit answers. In this profession, there is always a misconception that we truly don't have the time to do this. We want answers. We want to check items off the list.
3) I believe we could get further into the "why" of using technology instead of the "checkmark" of using technology if we asked better questions. I think teachers could get more comfortable with their preferences and maybe not judge themselves based on all their teammates and what they are doing.

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1. STUMP QUESTIONS! I absolutely don't intend to catch people in a "gotcha" moment, but this has happened a lot this year with so much information being shared and (at times) so little information being taken in.

2. I think sometimes (depending on the environment), asking questions looks like a lack of understanding rather than an opportunity to seek new knowledge and understanding.

3. Asking more open-ended questions can lead to more creativity and innovative ideas! It gives others permission to think differently and celebrate a variety of answers.

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Record the emotional bids that you made this past week.  You only need include a few words to record the bid, such as,“offered to get coffee for Alex.” Don’t spend more than a few seconds noting each bid. You may even include a bid from somebody that you turned away or against from!

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1. Briefly describe a conversation that you experienced. What common denominators did you find between you and your conversation partner?
2. Did you do anything to avoid common dividers?
3. Is there anything you should do differently to be more effective at finding common ground?

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1. Think about a conversation where you either did or did not redirect a toxic conversation. Briefly describe the conversation you experienced. How quickly did you recognize that this was a conversation you needed to redirect?
2. What did you do to redirect the conversation (interrupt, name it, divert it, or some other method)? Were you satisfied with the outcome of the conversation?
3. Is there anything you should do differently to be more effective next time you encounter a difficult conversation?

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1. What are qualities found in someone that you really trust? What is it that makes them trustworthy?
2. What are qualities found in someone you do not trust?
3. Given what you’ve said above, is there anything you think you should do differently to be more trustworthy?

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This week, while my husband was getting surgery, I waited in the car for three hours and slept. I was supposed to go home since I couldn't be with him, but I wanted to feel more connected to him so I stuck around outside of the building!