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For each stage of development...Add sexual myths as well as sexual milestones/resources that could be helpful if working with clients/patients or students during said stage of development.

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Genital exploration is bad or a cause for concern

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Genital exploration is bad or a cause for concern

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There is no need to have a talk about sex; they've probably learned enough from the other kids at school

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There is no need to have a talk about sex; they've probably learned enough from the other kids at school

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Genital exploration can lead to promiscuity in adolescence.

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Genital exploration can lead to promiscuity in adolescence.

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By adulthood, sexuality should be figured out and 'set'

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By adulthood, sexuality should be figured out and 'set'

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According to the famous psychoanalyst Sigmund Freud, children go through a series of psychosexual stages that lead to the development of the adult personality. Freud's stages of human development, which consisted of five psychosexual stages of development, described how personality developed over the course of childhood.

While Freud's theory of personality development is well-known in psychology, it has always been quite controversial, both during Freud's time and in modern psychology.

One important thing to note is that contemporary psychoanalytic theories of personality development have incorporated and emphasized ideas about internalized relationships and interactions and the complex ways in which we maintain our sense of self into the models that began with Freud.

Overview of Freud's Psychosexual Stages of Development

Freud believed that personality developed through a series of childhood stages in which the pleasure-seeking energies of the id become focused on certain erogenous areas. An erogenous zone is characterized as an area of the body that is particularly sensitive to stimulation.

During the five psychosexual stages, which are the oral, anal, phallic, latent, and genital stages, the erogenous zone associated with each stage serves as a source of pleasure.

Psychosexual energy, or the libido, was described as the driving force behind behavior.

Psychoanalytic theory suggested that personality is mostly established by the age of five. Early experiences play a large role in personality development and continue to influence behavior later in life.

Each stage of development is marked by conflicts that can help build growth or stifle development, depending upon how they are resolved. If these psychosexual stages are completed successfully, a healthy personality is the result.

If certain issues are not resolved at the appropriate stage, fixations can occur. A fixation is a persistent focus on an earlier psychosexual stage. Until this conflict is resolved, the individual will remain "stuck" in this stage. A person who is fixated at the oral stage, for example, may be over-dependent on others and may seek oral stimulation through smoking, drinking, or eating.

The Oral Stage

Age Range: Birth to 1 Year

Erogenous Zone: Mouth

During the oral stage, the infant's primary source of interaction occurs through the mouth, so the rooting and sucking reflex is especially important. The mouth is vital for eating, and the infant derives pleasure from oral stimulation through gratifying activities such as tasting and sucking.

Because the infant is entirely dependent upon caretakers (who are responsible for feeding the child), the child also develops a sense of trust and comfort through this oral stimulation.

The primary conflict at this stage is the weaning process--the child must become less dependent upon caretakers. If fixation occurs at this stage, Freud believed the individual would have issues with dependency or aggression. Oral fixation can result in problems with drinking, eating, smoking, or nail-biting.

The Anal Stage

Age Range: 1 to 3 years

Erogenous Zone: Bowel and Bladder Control

During the anal stage, Freud believed that the primary focus of the libido was on controlling bladder and bowel movements. The major conflict at this stage is toilet training-the child has to learn to control their bodily needs. Developing this control leads to a sense of accomplishment and independence.

According to Freud, success at this stage is dependent upon the way in which parents ​approach toilet training. Parents who utilize praise and rewards for using the toilet at the appropriate time encourage positive outcomes and help children feel capable and productive.

Freud believed that positive experiences during the toilet training stage serve as the basis for people to become competent, productive, and creative adults.

However, not all parents provide the support and encouragement that children need during this stage. Some parents punish, ridicule, or shame a child for accidents.

According to Freud, inappropriate parental responses can result in negative outcomes. If parents take an approach that is too lenient, Freud suggested that an anal-expulsive personality could develop in which the individual has a messy, wasteful, or destructive personality.

If parents are too strict or begin toilet training too early, Freud believed that an anal-retentive personality develops in which the individual is stringent, orderly, rigid, and obsessive.

The Phallic Stage

Age Range: 3 to 6 Years

Erogenous Zone: Genitals

Freud suggested that during the phallic stage, the primary focus of the libido is on the genitals. At this age, children also begin to discover the differences between males and females.​

Freud also believed that boys begin to view their fathers as a rival for the mother's affection. The Oedipus complex describes these feelings of wanting to possess the mother and the desire to replace the father. However, the child also fears that he will be punished by the father for these feelings, a fear Freud termed castration anxiety.

The term Electra complex has been used to describe a similar set of feelings experienced by young girls. Freud, however, believed that girls instead experience penis envy.

Eventually, the child begins to identify with the same-sex parent as a means of vicariously possessing the other parent. For girls, however, Freud believed that penis envy was never fully resolved and that all women remain somewhat fixated on this stage.

Psychologists such as Karen Horney disputed this theory, calling it both inaccurate and demeaning to women. Instead, Horney proposed that men experience feelings of inferiority because they cannot give birth to children, a concept she referred to as womb envy.

The Latent Period

Age Range: 6 to Puberty

Erogenous Zone: Sexual Feelings Are Inactive

During this stage, the superego continues to develop while the id's energies are suppressed. Children develop social skills, values, and relationships with peers and adults outside of the family.

The development of the ego and superego contributes to this period of calm. The stage begins around the time that children enter school and become more concerned with peer relationships, hobbies, and other interests.

The latent period is a time of exploration in which the sexual energy is repressed or dormant. This energy is still present, but it is sublimated into other areas such as intellectual pursuits and social interactions. This stage is important in the development of social and communication skills and self-confidence.

As with the other psychosexual stages, Freud believed that it was possible for children to become fixated or "stuck" in this phase. Fixation at this stage can result in immaturity and an inability to form fulfilling relationships as an adult.

The Genital Stage

Age Range: Puberty to Death

Erogenous Zone: Maturing Sexual Interests

The onset of puberty causes the libido to become active once again. During the final stage of psychosexual development, the individual develops a strong sexual interest in the opposite sex. This stage begins during puberty but last throughout the rest of a person's life.

Where in earlier stages the focus was solely on individual needs, interest in the welfare of others grows during this stage. The goal of this stage is to establish a balance between the various life areas.

If the other stages have been completed successfully, the individual should now be well-balanced, warm, and caring.

Unlike many of the earlier stages of development, Freud believed that the ego and superego were fully formed and functioning at this point. Younger children are ruled by the id, which demands immediate satisfaction of the most basic needs and wants.

Teens in the genital stage of development are able to balance their most basic urges against the need to conform to the demands of reality and social norms.

Evaluating Freud's Stages of Human Development

Freud's theory is still considered controversial today, but imagine how audacious it seemed during the late 1800s and early 1900s. There have been a number of observations and criticisms of Freud's psychosexual theory on a number of grounds, including scientific and feminist critiques.

Criticisms of the Psychosexual Stages of Development

The theory is focused almost entirely on male development with little mention of female psychosexual development.

His theories are difficult to test scientifically. Concepts such as the libido are impossible to measure, and therefore cannot be tested. The research that has been conducted tends to discredit Freud's theory.

Future predictions are too vague. How can we know that a current behavior was caused specifically by a childhood experience? The length of time between the cause and the effect is too long to assume that there is a relationship between the two variables.

Freud's theory is based on case studies and not empirical research. Also, Freud based his theory on the recollections of his adult patients, not on actual observation and study of children.

Ignores Homosexuality

Another criticism of the psychosexual stages is that the theory focuses primarily on heterosexual development, and largely ignores homosexual development.

So how exactly did Freud explain the development of sexual preferences?

Freud's theory suggested that heterosexual preferences represent the "normal" outcome of development and suggested that homosexual preferences represented a deviation from this process. Freud's own viewpoints on homosexuality varied, at times expressing biological explanations and at other times social or psychological explanations for sexual preferences.

Unlike many thinkers of his time, Freud was unconvinced that homosexuality represented a pathology. He also believed that attempts to alter a person's sexuality were usually futile and often harmful.

In a famous 1935 letter to a mother who had written him to ask that he treat her homosexual son, Freud wrote that while he believed homosexuality was not advantageous, it was certainly not a vice or something to be ashamed of. Freud wrote, "...it cannot be classified as an illness; we consider it to be a variation of the sexual function, produced by a certain arrest of sexual development."

While Freud's theory implied that homosexuality was a deviation from normal psychosexual development, many contemporary psychologists believe that sexual orientation is largely influenced by biological factors.

A Word From Verywell

While few people are strong proponents of Freud's theory of psychosexual development today, his work made important contributions to our understanding of human development. Perhaps his most important and enduring contribution was the idea that unconscious influences could have a powerful impact on human behavior.

Freud's theory also stressed the importance of early experiences in development. While experts continue to debate the relative contributions of early versus later experiences, developmental experts recognize that the events of early life play a critical role in the developmental process and can have lasting effects throughout life.

Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read our editorial process to learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.

De kuyper E. The Freudian construction of sexuality: the gay foundations of heterosexuality and straight homophobia. J Homosex. 1993;24(3-4):137-44. doi: 10.1300/J082v24n03_10

Additional Reading

Carducci, BJ. The Psychology of Personality: Viewpoints, Research, and Applications. UK: John Wiley & Sons; 2009.

Freud, S. Three Contributions to the Theory of Sex (Annotated). Arcadia Ebook; 2016.

Shaffer, DR & Kipp, K. Developmental Psychology: Childhood and Adolescense. Belmont, CA: Wadsworth Cengage Learning; 2010.

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What Are Freud's Stages of Psychosexual Development?

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Freud's stages of human development, referred to as the psychosexual stages of development, describe how the libido develops through childhood, guiding behavior.

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Normalization of typical sexual development/exploration of body

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Normalization of typical sexual development/exploration of body

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If you have sex, you'll get pregnant or get an STI

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If you have sex, you'll get pregnant or get an STI

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Sexplanations is sexedutainment for the universe hosted by Dr. Lindsey Doe. The show is designed around the 4 minutes model of YouTube EDU to share incredible knowledge while inspiring the audience to stay curious. The most viewed episode is Vagina Toys, followed Pelvic Exam, Anal Sex, Masturbation, and Consent.

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Puberty and sexuality are awkward conversations to have and will ultimately be dreaded by all parties 

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Puberty and sexuality are awkward conversations to have and will ultimately be dreaded by all parties 

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Getting your menstrual cycle early is a sign of uncleanliness or that you've partaken in something to make it come on early. 

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Getting your menstrual cycle early is a sign of uncleanliness or that you've partaken in something to make it come on early. 

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"An outstanding book. . . . Meets the needs of those in-between or curious kids who are not ready, developmentally or emotionally, for It's Perfectly Normal." -Booklist (starred review)

How does a baby begin? What makes a baby male or female? How is a baby born? Children have plenty of questions about reproduction and babies-and about sex and sexuality, too. It's So Amazing! provides the answers-with fun, accurate, comic-book-style artwork and a clear, lively text that reflects the interests of children age seven and up in how things work, while giving them a healthy understanding of their bodies. Created by the author and illustrator of It's Perfectly Normal, this forthright and funny book has been newly updated for its fifteenth anniversary.

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It's So Amazing!: A Book about Eggs, Sperm, Birth, Babies, and Families (The Family Library)

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It's So Amazing!: A Book about Eggs, Sperm, Birth, Babies, and Families (The Family Library) [Harris, Robie H., Emberley, Michael] on Amazon.com. *FREE* shipping on qualifying offers. It's So Amazing!: A Book about Eggs, Sperm, Birth, Babies, and Families (The Family Library)

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A number of years ago, I was at a conference where I gave a presentation on the challenges LGBT+ kids face accessing accurate information online. After the presentation, a woman approached me.

She was a nurse and there professionally, but the reason she wanted to talk was that her 14-year-old son had just come out as gay, and she was terrified that he was now at greater risk for HIV.

This mom explained that she felt ill equipped to talk to her son about sex given his revelation. She was struggling with how to offer support, get him needed information, and do so without making the whole experience super uncomfortable.

I was thinking back on this conversation recently, since while the issue of how to talk to our kids about sex can be a complicated one for everyone, for parents of queer youth, doing so can raise some additional issues.

So, here are 5 things parents of LGBT teens can keep in mind when gearing up for the sex talk.
1) Don't Assume a Teen's Sexual Orientation or Gender Identity Is Just About "Sex."
A lot of people confuse sexual orientation and gender identity with sexual activity. Yet for plenty of queer kids, this is more related to identity and community than it is to sexual behavior. Still many people default to focusing on the sex side.

And while sex will likely be a part of your child's life at some point, and one that is probably going to be colored by their sexual orientation or gender identity, if that kid is on the younger side, it is very possible that sex with another person won't be on the table for a while.

Having a conversation where you acknowledge the vast range of ways to express sexual orientation and gender that doesn't only focus on sex acts can send a positive message about your views of your child's relationship to this aspect of who they are.
2) Talk About Specific Sex Acts, Not About Lesbian or Gay Sex
Though there is a temptation to remind lesbian youth to stock up on dental dams, or to focus on anal sex with gay teens, the range of sex acts an adolescent might participate in aren't defined by their sexual orientation or gender identity.

For example, plenty of gay men never have anal sex, and plenty of lesbian teens do.

Plus, for a whole host of reasons, lesbian, gay and bisexual teens are actually have a greater likelihood for teen pregnancy than youth in the general population. Because of this, discussing birth control, including emergency contraception, is crucial. But since we often assume that a queer kid is not having the kind of sex that could result in a pregnancy, this element of the conversation is too often overlooked.

When talking to trans teens, it is also important to both respect their gender identities, and also to acknowledge the reality of the bodies they have. For example, for some trans boys this will mean conversations about periods and gynecological care.

When we term sex itself as "gay" or "lesbian" we rely on stereotypes of what we imagine these encounters to look like and a lot of useful information can get lost in the process.
3) Be Prepared to Counter Some Misinformation
In schools across the United States, if students get sex ed at all, it is often of the abstinence-only variety. This form of education leaves out crucial information and is notoriously homophobic and transphobic.

Curricula may vastly overstate the risk of acquiring HIV for gay teens. Or they might talk about how being gay will lead to depression and suicide without addressing the fact that these correlations are related to lacking support, being forced to hide one's identity in the face of hostility, and being rejected by school and family, and are not directly the result of someone's sexual orientation or gender identity.

There is also the issue of porn. Like a lot of teens, LGBT+ teens, may come across porn long before they are legally old enough to do so. And while there is nothing morally wrong with being interested in images of sex, the information one gets about how intimate situations transpire is far from accurate. Sex in porn is often aggressive and violent, and safer sex is rarely addressed. Plus, men typically have huge penises, while women tend to be hairless and have large, often augmented breasts. What is termed "lesbian sex" is usually sex between women, portrayed in a way designed to appeal to straight men. Porn involving trans folks is often billed using offensive and dehumanizing terms. Teens need to know that porn sex and real sex simply aren't the same thing.

It's not that LGBT+ teens don't have any access to sexual information, but so often that info is just way off the mark, and as parents you have the power to correct this.
4) Don't make the sex talk a one time thing.
A lot of parents gird themselves for a sex talk that they expect will be an awkward exchange ending with the offer that, "You can come to me with any questions." That's often something both parties know is unlikely to happen.

And while this scenario plays out all the time, it doesn't have to. One of the best ways to prevent such a situation is to make sure that the sex talk is an ongoing conversation, not a one time thing.

Speaking of those conversations, you can let your child know if sex is hard for you to talk about, and say something like, "Look, I'm not an expert and I'm not used to talking about this, so I may mess up a bit." A lot of parents never had these conversations when they were growing up and have to learn on the fly. Letting your kids know this is one easy way to level the playing field a bit.
5) Do Your Homework
Having a sex talk can be nerve wracking if you don't know the answers to a child's question. You can always offer to look something up that you don't know. But if you want to do some advance research, you can check out this list of 32 common sex questions from queer youth on the LGBT+ Teens site that I ran for years.

It would also be helpful to read up on some basic sex ed. Al Vernacchio's For Goodness Sex: Changing the Way We Talk to Teens About Sexuality, Values, and Health is a great place to start. Vernacchio, who is gay himself, is a teacher, writer, and speaker and has a lot of good insight!

The more prepared you are, the more comfortable you will ultimately be having this conversation with your child.
What it All Comes Down to
Though talking about sex can seem terrifying, it can also be a lot easier than parents think. And once you arm yourself with a little knowledge, doing so can not only be a great way to help your kids stay safe and healthy, but it can also be a way for you to connect with them and offer support around an issue that can be a real struggle for LGBT+ youth.

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5 Tips For Talking To Your LGBTQ Child About Sexual Health - My Kid is Gay

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Talking to your child about safer sex practices can always be a tough conversation to have, but especially if you have to have the conversation as your child is coming into an LGBTQ identity at the same time. Ellen Kate has five tips to help you through it.

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It is "cool" for male presenting people to engage in sex with adult female presenting people

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It is "cool" for male presenting people to engage in sex with adult female presenting people

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It’s common to have a lot of questions about how to discuss children’s bodies and how to respond to their early interest in sexual play. Through supportive and thoughtful responses, parents can ensure their children learn to love and trust themselves, feel proud of their bodies, and build the founda…

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Women should be virgins YET also know exactly what they are doing/how to please

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Women should be virgins YET also know exactly what they are doing/how to please

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"Alternately playful and realistic, Emberley's. . . . art reinforces Harris's message that bodies come in all sizes, shapes, and colors - and that each variation is 'perfectly normal.'" - Publishers Weekly (starred review)

When young people have questions about sex, real answers can be hard to find. Providing accurate, unbiased answers to nearly every imaginable question, from conception and puberty to birth control and AIDS, It's Perfectly Normal offers young people the information they need - now more than ever - to make responsible decisions and to stay healthy. Already used as a trusted resource in twenty-five countries around the world (and translated into twenty-one languages), It's Perfectly Normal marks its tenth anniversary with a thoroughly updated edition that includes information on such topics as birth control, hepatitis, HIV, and adoption, among others. This definitive edition also reflects the recent input of parents, teachers, librarians, clergy, scientists, health professionals, and young readers themselves.
Back matter includes an index and a note to the reader.

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It's Perfectly Normal: Changing Bodies, Growing Up, Sex, and Sexual Health (The Family Library)

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It's Perfectly Normal: Changing Bodies, Growing Up, Sex, and Sexual Health (The Family Library) [Harris, Robie H., Emberley, Michael] on Amazon.com. *FREE* shipping on qualifying offers. It's Perfectly Normal: Changing Bodies, Growing Up, Sex, and Sexual Health (The Family Library)

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Older folx shouldn't have sex because they could hurt themselves.

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Older folx shouldn't have sex because they could hurt themselves.

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Age you are "supposed" to have lost your virginity

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Age you are "supposed" to have lost your virginity

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Book about body awareness

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Amazing You!: Getting Smart About Your Private Parts

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Amazing You!: Getting Smart About Your Private Parts [Saltz, Gail, Cravath, Lynne Avril] on Amazon.com. *FREE* shipping on qualifying offers. Amazing You!: Getting Smart About Your Private Parts

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Casual sex leads to difficulty with trust in relationships, difficulty with intimacy, and feelings of emptiness. 

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Casual sex leads to difficulty with trust in relationships, difficulty with intimacy, and feelings of emptiness. 

# data[].attributes.headline
There has to be one "the talk" instead of an ongoing dialogue with preteens. 

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There has to be one "the talk" instead of an ongoing dialogue with preteens. 

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once a child starts their menstrual cycle for the first time, they are no longer innocent or juvenile- they are then cautioned and seen as a sexual being 

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once a child starts their menstrual cycle for the first time, they are no longer innocent or juvenile- they are then cautioned and seen as a sexual being 

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https://sexpositivefamilies.com

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You shouldn't have sexual ties due to "soul ties."

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You shouldn't have sexual ties due to "soul ties."

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Many people want and need to be close to others as they grow older. For some, this includes the desire to continue an active, satisfying sex life. With aging, that may mean adapting sexual activity to accommodate physical, health, and other changes.

There are many different ways to have sex and be intimate-alone or with a partner. The expression of your sexuality could include many types of touch or stimulation. Some adults may choose not to engage in sexual activity, and that's also normal.

Here, we explore some of the common problems older adults may face with sex.

What Are Normal Changes?

Normal aging brings physical changes in both men and women. These changes sometimes affect the ability to have and enjoy sex.

A woman may notice changes in her vagina. As a woman ages, her vagina can shorten and narrow. Her vaginal walls can become thinner and a little stiffer. Most women will have less vaginal lubrication, and it may take more time for the vagina to naturally lubricate itself. These changes could make certain types of sexual activity, such as vaginal penetration, painful or less desirable. If vaginal dryness is an issue, using water-based lubricating jelly or lubricated condoms may be more comfortable. If a woman is using hormone therapy to treat hot flashes or other menopausal symptoms, she may want to have sex more often than she did before hormone therapy.

As men get older, impotence (also called erectile dysfunction, or ED) becomes more common. ED is the loss of ability to have and keep an erection. ED may cause a man to take longer to have an erection. His erection may not be as firm or as large as it used to be. The loss of erection after orgasm may happen more quickly, or it may take longer before another erection is possible. ED is not a problem if it happens every now and then, but if it occurs often, talk with your doctor.

Talk with your partner about these changes and how you are feeling. Your doctor may have suggestions to help make sex easier.

What Causes Sexual Problems?

Some illnesses, disabilities, medicines, and surgeries can affect your ability to have and enjoy sex.

Arthritis. Joint pain due to arthritis can make sexual contact uncomfortable. Exercise, drugs, and possibly joint replacement surgery may help relieve this pain. Rest, warm baths, and changing the position or timing of sexual activity can be helpful.

Chronic pain. Pain can interfere with intimacy between older people. Chronic pain does not have to be part of growing older and can often be treated. But, some pain medicines can interfere with sexual function. Always talk with your doctor if you have side effects from any medication.

Dementia. Some people with dementia show increased interest in sex and physical closeness, but they may not be able to judge what is appropriate sexual behavior. Those with severe dementia may not recognize their spouse or partner, but they still desire sexual contact and may seek it with someone else. It can be confusing and difficult to know how to handle this situation. Here, too, talking with a doctor, nurse, or social worker with training in dementia care may be helpful.

Diabetes. This is one of the illnesses that can cause ED in some men. In most cases, medical treatment can help. Less is known about how diabetes affects sexuality in older women. Women with diabetes are more likely to have vaginal yeast infections, which can cause itching and irritation and make sex uncomfortable or undesirable. Yeast infections can be treated.

Heart disease. Narrowing and hardening of the arteries can change blood vessels so that blood does not flow freely. As a result, men and women may have problems with orgasms. For both men and women, it may take longer to become aroused, and for some men, it may be difficult to have or maintain an erection. People who have had a heart attack, or their partners, may be afraid that having sex will cause another attack. Even though sexual activity is generally safe, always follow your doctor's advice. If your heart problems get worse and you have chest pain or shortness of breath even while resting, your doctor may want to change your treatment plan.

Incontinence. Loss of bladder control or leaking of urine is more common as people, especially women, grow older. Extra pressure on the belly during sex can cause loss of urine. This can be helped by changing positions or by emptying the bladder before and after sex. The good news is that incontinence can usually be treated.

Stroke. The ability to have sex is sometimes affected by a stroke. A change in positions or medical devices may help people with ongoing weakness or paralysis to have sex. Some people with paralysis from the waist down are still able to experience orgasm and pleasure.

Depression. Lack of interest in activities you used to enjoy, such as intimacy and sexual activity, can be a symptom of depression. It's sometimes hard to know if you're depressed. Talk with your doctor. Depression can be treated.

Surgery. Many of us worry about having any kind of surgery-it may be even more troubling when the breasts or genital area are involved. Most people do return to the kind of sex life they enjoyed before surgery.

Hysterectomy is surgery to remove a woman's uterus because of pain, bleeding, fibroids, or other reasons. Often, when an older woman has a hysterectomy, the ovaries are also removed. Deciding whether to have this surgery can leave both women and their partners worried about their future sex life. If you're concerned about any changes you might experience with a hysterectomy, talk with your gynecologist or surgeon.

Mastectomy is surgery to remove all or part of a woman's breast because of breast cancer. This surgery may cause some women to lose their sexual interest, or it may leave them feeling less desirable or attractive to their partners. In addition to talking with your doctor, sometimes it is useful to talk with other women who have had this surgery. Programs like the American Cancer Society's " Reach to Recovery" can be helpful for both women and men. If you want your breast rebuilt (reconstruction), talk to your cancer doctor or surgeon.

Prostatectomy is surgery that removes all or part of a man's prostate because of cancer or an enlarged prostate. It may cause urinary incontinence or ED. If you need this operation, talk with your doctor before surgery about your concerns.

Medications. Some drugs can cause sexual problems. These include some blood pressure medicines, antihistamines, antidepressants, tranquilizers, Parkinson's disease or cancer medications, appetite suppressants, drugs for mental problems, and ulcer drugs. Some can lead to ED or make it hard for men to ejaculate. Some drugs can reduce a woman's sexual desire or cause vaginal dryness or difficulty with arousal and orgasm. Check with your doctor to see if there is a different drug without this side effect.

Alcohol. Too much alcohol can cause erection problems in men and delay orgasm in women.

Am I Too Old to Worry About Safe Sex?

Age does not protect you from sexually transmitted diseases. Older people who are sexually active may be at risk for diseases such as syphilis, gonorrhea, chlamydial infection, genital herpes, hepatitis B, genital warts, and trichomoniasis.

Almost anyone who is sexually active is also at risk of being infected with HIV, the virus that causes AIDS. The number of older people with HIV/AIDS is growing. You are at risk for HIV/AIDS if you or your partner has more than one sexual partner, if you are having unprotected sex, or if either you or your partner is sharing needles. To protect yourself, always use a condom during sex that involves vaginal or anal penetration.

A man needs to have a full erection before putting on a condom.

Talk with your doctor about ways to protect yourself from all sexually transmitted diseases and infections. Go for regular checkups and testing. Talk with your partner. You are never too old to be at risk.

Can Emotions Play a Part?

Sexuality is often a delicate balance of emotional and physical issues. How you feel may affect what you are able to do and what you want to do. Many older couples find greater satisfaction in their sex lives than they did when they were younger. In many cases, they have fewer distractions, more time and privacy, no worries about getting pregnant, and greater intimacy with a lifelong partner.

As we age, our bodies change, including our weight, skin, and muscle tone, and some older adults don't feel as comfortable in their aging bodies. Older adults, men and women alike, may worry that their partners will no longer find them attractive. Aging-related sexual problems like the ones listed above can cause stress and worry. This worry can get in the way of enjoying a fulfilling sex life.

Older couples face the same daily stresses that affect people of any age. They may also have the added concerns of illness, retirement, and lifestyle changes, all of which may lead to sexual difficulties. Talk openly with your partner, and try not to blame yourself or your partner. You may also find it helpful to talk with a therapist, either alone or with your partner. Some therapists have special training in helping with sexual problems. If you sense changes in your partner's attitude toward sex, don't assume they are no longer interested in you or in an active sex life. Talk about it. Many of the things that cause sexual problems in older adults can be helped.

What Can I Do?

There are things you can do on your own for an active and enjoyable sex life. If you have a long-term partner, take time to enjoy each other and to understand the changes you both are facing.

Don't be afraid to talk with your doctor if you have a problem that affects your sex life. He or she may be able to suggest a treatment. For example, the most common sexual difficulty of older women is painful intercourse caused by vaginal dryness. Your doctor or a pharmacist can suggest over-the-counter vaginal lubricants or moisturizers to use. Water-based lubricants are helpful when needed to make sex more comfortable. Moisturizers are used on a regular basis, every 2 or 3 days. Or, your doctor might suggest a form of vaginal estrogen.

If ED is the problem, it can often be managed and perhaps even reversed with medication or other treatments. There are pills that can help. They should not be used by men taking medicines containing nitrates, such as nitroglycerin. The pills do have possible side effects. Be wary of any dietary or herbal supplements promising to treat ED. Always talk to your doctor before taking any herb or supplement.

Physical problems can change your sex life as you get older. If you are single, dating and meeting new people may be easier later in life when you're more sure of yourself and what you want. If you're in a relationship, you and your partner may discover new ways to be together as you get older. Talk to your partner or partners about your needs. You may find that affection-hugging, kissing, touching, and spending time together-can be just what you need, or a path to greater intimacy and sex.

Read about this topic in Spanish. Lea sobre este tema en español.

For More Information About Sexuality in Later Life

This content is provided by the NIH National Institute on Aging (NIA). NIA scientists and other experts review this content to ensure it is accurate and up to date.

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Many people want and need to be close to others as they grow older. For some, this includes the desire to continue an active, satisfying sex life. With aging, that may mean adapting sexual activity to accommodate physical, health, and other changes. There are many different ways to have sex and be intimate-alone or with a partner.

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Once someone is a certain age, they WILL struggle with maintaining erections

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Once someone is a certain age, they WILL struggle with maintaining erections

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Kids today start having sex at much younger ages than in the past.

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Kids today start having sex at much younger ages than in the past.

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When you're in a new relationship, your hormones are racing and the newness of your love can be intoxicating. It can be tempting to feel like you have met your "soulmate," the one person who is made for you and only you.

Even though this idea is very appealing and romantic, there are also down sides to thinking this way. The soul mate paradigm can raise your expectations to an impossible level, ironically making you feel less satisfied with your partner overall.

"Soulmate" is an Impossible Standard

When you believe that there is such a thing as a soulmate, this can make you feel that the ideal state is one where you and your partner are perfectly aligned on all dimensions. You assume that there exists a person who can satisfy you sexually, romantically, intellectually, spiritually, and emotionally, and who has all the same hobbies, interests, and passions as you.

If your real-life partner falls short in any of these areas, you may believe that this indicates they aren't "The One for You." This would lead to ending relationships with partners you could be incredibly happy with, just because they don't check all the boxes that a supposed "soul mate" would check.

I see many couples in counseling who seem dissatisfied with relationships because a partner doesn't give them all that they need across every dimension of life. The The All or Nothing Marriage, a book by Eli Finkel, discusses the modern expectation that a partner will be all things: best friend, lover, activity partner, and coparent.

In previous eras, when people were more social and closer to family and friends, there were more people present to fulfill one another's needs. Today, couples look to one another to be everything, which places a tremendously heavy burden on relationships.

A "Soulmate" Can Lead to Disappointment

Couples who originally considered each other soulmates can often feel more despondent than other couples when they undergo relationship conflict - their expectations were that they would continue feeling deeply aligned on all issues forever.

If you feel like your partner used to be your soulmate but no longer is, think deeply about why you may be feeling disillusioned. It may be that you or your partner are expecting too much from your primary relationship. It could be time to turn to couples counseling to explore how you are letting one another down and if there are ways for you to reconnect on a deep level.

Relationships are difficult enough without placing unneeded extra expectations on them. You and your partner can learn to reframe what love is, while respecting each other as separate people that may not agree on everything. Furthermore, your romantic connection will likely ebb and flow over the course of a long-term relationship. Expecting that passion will stay ignited at "soulmate pitch" can be disappointing and ultimately destructive for your relationship.

It's OK to Be Different Than Your Partner

Instead of thinking about your partner as your soulmate, it may be healthier to envision them as someone you love deeply, but who is unlikely to meet every need and desire that you have. There are many ways in which you may not actually be compatible, but this doesn't need to sabotage your relationship as a whole. On the contrary, having different interests across different life areas may be a source of constant interest and growth for you as a couple, particularly if you both make the effort to learn about, or at least be supportive of, the other's passions.

I work with many couples that come to terms with the fact that, while they love each other deeply and profoundly, they are not going to be compatible in certain domains, even domains that they originally considered integral to their relationship (e.g., values about money, child-rearing, politics, and more). This allows them to love one another in a freer and more genuine way. Liberating yourself from the constricting "soulmate paradigm" can allow your real-world, flawed, human relationships to flourish and grow in new and fulfilling ways.

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Is the Idea of a Soulmate Bad for Your Relationship and Mental Health? - Talkspace

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When you're in a new relationship, your hormones are racing and the newness of your love can be intoxicating. It can be tempting to feel like you have met your "soulmate," the one person who is made for you and only you.

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“Hooking up” with casual acquaintances is more common for teens than sex within romantic relationships.

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“Hooking up” with casual acquaintances is more common for teens than sex within romantic relationships.

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If you struggle with achieving/maintaining erection in 20s&30s, something's wrong with you

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If you struggle with achieving/maintaining erection in 20s&30s, something's wrong with you

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Inability to orgasm means there is something wrong with you, especially for women.

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Inability to orgasm means there is something wrong with you, especially for women.

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Only 'true' sex is penile-vaginal penetrative intercourse

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Only 'true' sex is penile-vaginal penetrative intercourse

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The THRiVE research collaborative at Cleveland State University seeks to enhance the health and wellbeing of children, adolescents, and young adults through understanding how intersecting systems such as school, family and community, impact healthy development for youth. THRiVE is made up of an inte…

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Teens are poor users of condoms and contraceptives.

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Teens are poor users of condoms and contraceptives.

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A Guide to Mindful Masturbation for Women

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If you have experimentation 'practice' with a friend, it doesn't really count

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If you have experimentation 'practice' with a friend, it doesn't really count

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Older adults don't need to worry about protection like condoms

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Older adults don't need to worry about protection like condoms

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Older adults need viagra to maintain an erection.

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Older adults need viagra to maintain an erection.

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If you contract an STI you are "dirty" or "nasty"

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If you contract an STI you are "dirty" or "nasty"

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Senior sex: Tips for older men

What you can do to maintain a healthy and enjoyable sex life as you grow older.
By Mayo Clinic Staff
As you age, sex isn't the same as it was in your 20s - but it can still be satisfying. Contrary to common myths, sex isn't just for the young. Many seniors continue to enjoy their sexuality into their 80s and beyond.

A healthy sex life not only is fulfilling, but also is good for other aspects of your life, including your physical health and self-esteem.

Senior sex: What changes as men get older?

As men age, testosterone levels decline and changes in sexual function are common. These physiological changes can include:

A need for more stimulation to achieve and maintain erection and orgasm

Shorter orgasms

Less forceful ejaculation and less semen ejaculated

Longer time needed to achieve another erection after ejaculation

You may feel some anxiety about these changes, but remember they don't have to end your enjoyment of sex. Adapting to your changing body can help you maintain a healthy and satisfying sex life. For example, you may need to adjust your sexual routine to include more stimulation to become aroused.

Senior sex and health problems

Your health can have a big impact on your sex life and sexual performance. Poor health or chronic health conditions, such as heart disease or arthritis, make sex and intimacy more challenging.

Certain surgeries and many medications, such as blood pressure medications, antihistamines, antidepressants and acid-blocking drugs, can affect sexual function.

But don't give up. You and your partner can experiment with ways to adapt to your limitations.

For example, if you're worried about having sex after a heart attack, talk with your doctor about your concerns. If arthritis pain is a problem, try different sexual positions or try using heat to alleviate joint pain before or after sexual activity.

Stay positive and focus on ways of being sexual and intimate that work for you and your partner.

Senior sex and emotional issues

At any age, emotional issues can affect your sexuality. Many older couples report greater satisfaction with their sex life because they have fewer distractions, more time and privacy, and no worries about pregnancy.

On the other hand, some older adults feel stressed by health problems, financial concerns and other lifestyle changes. Depression can decrease your desire for and interest in sex. If you feel you might be depressed, talk to your doctor or a counselor.

Senior sex tips

Sex may not be the same for you or your partner as it was when you were younger. But sex and intimacy can continue to be a rewarding part of your life. Here are some tips for maintaining a healthy and enjoyable sex life:

Talk with your partner. Even if it's difficult to talk about sex, openly sharing your needs, desires and concerns can help you both enjoy sex and intimacy more.

Visit your doctor. Your doctor can help you manage chronic conditions and medications that affect your sex life. If you have trouble maintaining an erection, ask your doctor about treatments.

See a sex therapist. A therapist may be able to help you and your partner with specific concerns. Ask your doctor for a referral.

Expand your definition of sex. Intercourse is only one way to have a fulfilling sex life. Touching, kissing and other intimate contact can be rewarding for you and your partner.

As you age, it's normal for you and your partner to have different sexual abilities and needs. Be open to finding new ways to enjoy sexual contact and intimacy.

Adapt your routine. Simple changes can improve your sex life. Change the time of day you have sex to a time when you have the most energy. Try the morning - when you're refreshed from a good night's sleep - rather than at the end of a long day.

Because it might take longer for you or your partner to become aroused, take more time to set the stage for romance. Try a new sexual position or explore other ways of connecting romantically and sexually.

Don't give up on romance. If you've lost your partner, it can be difficult to imagine starting another relationship - but socializing is well worth the effort for many single seniors. No one outgrows the need for emotional closeness and intimacy.

If you start an intimate relationship with a new partner, use a condom. Many older adults are unaware that they are still at risk of sexually transmitted infections, such as herpes and gonorrhea.

One final piece of advice for maintaining a healthy sex life: Take care of yourself and stay as healthy as you can:

Eat a healthy diet.

Exercise regularly.

Don't drink too much alcohol.

Don't smoke.

See your doctor regularly, especially if you have chronic health conditions or take prescription medications.

Show references

See more In-depth

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What you can do to maintain a healthy and enjoyable sex life as you grow older. By Mayo Clinic Staff As you age, sex isn't the same as it was in your 20s - but it can still be satisfying. Contrary to common myths, sex isn't just for the young.

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You don't need to explain pregnancy until they really reach a certain age

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You don't need to explain pregnancy until they really reach a certain age

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The only way to contract an STI is through direct sexual contact

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The only way to contract an STI is through direct sexual contact

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(This article is a special guest post by geriatrician Dr. Nicole Didyk, founder of the blog and YouTube channel The Wrinkle. Like me, Dr. Didyk has a particular interest in informing and empowering older adults and families. So I've been very glad to have her contributing to the site these past few months - you may have noticed she's been helping me answer comments - and I'm thrilled to say she'll be covering some topics that I haven't yet had the time to address. Enjoy! - L. Kernisan)
Quick! Think about older adults and sex. What comes to mind? George Burns cracking wise about sex after 90 being like trying to shoot pool with a rope? A sweet old couple holding hands in their rocking chairs? Nothing?

The truth is that what pops into people's minds, when it comes to older adults and sexuality, is often negative. For instance, it's common for older adults to be thought of as:

"Cute" in a chaste and childlike way,

Predatory and/or "lecherous", as in the "cougar" or the "dirty old man", or

Problematic (think sexual behavior when someone has dementia, or sex between nursing home residents).

This, of course, is largely due to pervasive ageism in society. Sexuality, sexual expression, and the urge for physical intimacy is actually an important part of every adult person's life.

So it's sad that it's so common for it to be treated as "inappropriate" or otherwise discouraged in later life. But fortunately, we're starting to see significant progress in combatting this aspect of ageism, too.

In my job as a consultant Geriatrician, I see older adults about a wide range of issues, including memory changes, falls, pain, depression, and medication adjustment. But what is often affected by all of those medical issues - yet rarely talked about - is sex.

Geriatrics is a team sport, and one of the professionals on my team is Natalie Wilton, MSW, RSW, a social worker who specializes in working with older adults with dementia. I noticed that Natalie had a particularly skillful approach when working with responsive behaviours in dementia that had a sexual component, and I soon learned that Natalie is also a qualified sex therapist, with a special interest in older adults. I knew I had to interview her for my website, The Wrinkle. One conversation turned into three, and the response from my audience has been remarkable ( "Sex and Seniors Part One " is my most viewed video on YouTube!).

Natalie is passionate about this topic because, she says: "Sexuality is a part of our persona throughout the lifespan, and so the perception that older people are asexual is usually not true." Despite this, she goes on to report that sex is not really talked about in Geriatrics, even in therapeutic settings: "Sex never comes up." A survey published in the Journal of Clinical Gerontology and Geriatrics indicates that about 58% of geriatricians occasionally ask about sexual function in their patients, and the rest never do. Compare that to the finding that 20 to 30% of those over 80 are sexually active, and this leaves a gap in the comprehensive care of older adults.

Clearly, more needs to be done to help ensure that older adults are supported in addressing this vital dimension of the human experience, and in getting the help they might need from their health providers.

So in this article, I'll be sharing some of the key things to know about sex in later lifem and I'll cover the natural changes in sexual function and behaviour with aging, reveal some surprising truths, and offer some tips for taking care of this important part of living well.

How Aging Changes Sex in Later Life

Most people believe that it's natural for a person's sex life to go into decline with advancing age.

Now, it's true that over time aging, does tend to change the way the body and mind function, and this definitely can affect sexuality.

This doesn't mean that sex has to be "over" at a certain point or age. But it does mean that certain adaptations often need to be considered, to accommodate one's changing body and needs.

Let's look at the normal age-related changes that affect the sex lives of women and men.

"Among men, sex sometimes results in intimacy; among women, intimacy sometimes results in sex." - Barbara Cartland

How sex changes for older women

There's no doubt that female sexual function changes with aging, with a decline in sexual activity from 40% in women ages 65-74 to less than 20% in those 75-85. Many older women define sex as vaginal intercourse, which may amplify the decline in sexual activity if a male partner is less healthy or available. The healthier the woman, the more likely she is to engage in sexual activity and although sexual desire may flag, the desire for intimacy does not.
What changes:
After menopause, the lack of estrogen production in females cause changes to the sexual organs, which can lead to challenges:

Vulva and vaginal wall thinning and shrinkage (Vulvovaginal atrophy)

Less lubrication of the vagina and associated tissues

Increased sensitivity

Longer arousal time needed

As a result, for women:

Intercourse can be painful

Touch can be irritating or painful

It often takes longer to be ready for sex

Orgasm may be delayed

What to do:
For women who are experiencing either decreased libido or discomfort during sex, it's important to bring these up to a medical provider, in order to be checked for common health conditions that might be causing or aggravating these issues.

And, it's almost always a good idea to incorporate (or revisit) one of the "Three T" foundational intimacy strategies, as they are great for helping with these common age-related changes affecting sexuality:

When it comes to timing, Natalie Wilton says: "A lot of older women say their mind feels turned on, but their body's not quite there yet, " and that with a prolonged arousal cycle, it can take up to 24 hours of "foreplay" to get physically ready.

This may not mean 24 hours of physical stimulation, but a longer period of romance, intimacy, and closeness may be what's needed for a satisfying encounter. The foreplay can include talking, but "More Talking" also refers to communicating with one's partner about what is needed to make sex more comfortable. This might include shopping for a sex toy (online may be preferable to a brick and mortar shop) and lubricant (readily available at most drug stores).

For some women, medication can help, such as topical hormone therapy (cream or vaginal suppository), or systemic (oral) hormone therapy (usually only if there are other symptoms of menopause such as hot flashes, due to risks and side effects).

Last but not least, it's important for women and their partners to be aware of the role of mental states and relationship states, when it comes to a woman's sexuality. Sex, after all, involves the mind along with the body.

"The most important sexual organ is the brain," says Natalie Wilton. Relationship status is one of the biggest influences on sexual desire and activity on older females, and with age-related health changes in their partner, Wilton says, "It becomes thinking about sex in a different way and doing things differently".

For many women, that means adjusting the perception that vaginal intercourse is the only way to have sex, trying different sexual activities, and maybe even using toys or devices to have pleasurable moments with their partner.

How sex changes for older men

With aging, men appear to retain desire and interest longer than women, with up to 70% of those over 70 reporting sexual activity, with "real sex" largely defined as penetrative penis-vagina intercourse.
What changes:
Like in women, the aging male can take longer to become aroused, and can have a longer refractory period after an orgasm before being ready to begin a new sexual cycle. Erectile dysfunction is more common in older age, with up to two-thirds of men over 70 reporting ED.

This can be related to declining testosterone levels, and is also commonly influenced by many age-related conditions and the medications used to treat them.
What to do:
Since medications are such a common cause or contributor to sexual difficulties, it's a good idea to ask your health provider if medications might be affecting your sex life.

Here's a list of the most common medications to be aware of, when it comes to erectile dysfunction, organized by condition for which they are prescribed:

High blood pressure medications: Thiazide diuretics, beta-blockers, spironolactone

Pain medications: Opiates (e.g. Morphine, Hydromorphone)

Enlarged prostate medications: 5 alpha-reductase inhibitors (e.g. finasteride)

Prostate cancer medications: Anti-androgens and other "testosterone blockers"

Stomach ulcer medications: Histamine-2 blockers (e.g. ranitidine)

Depression, Anxiety and other mood medications: Tricyclic antidepressants, selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors, benzodiazepines, antipsychotics, phenytoin

Atrial fibrillation medications: Digoxin

Along with medication adjustments and treatment of other physical health conditions, it also often helps for older men to rethink their approach to sex and intimacy.

For instance, when aging or health problems cause physical changes that are difficult to reverse, a constructive approach is to reframe sex, in order to focus more on sexual activities that don't require an erection or an ejaculation. Intimacy is important to older men, who are more likely than their mature female counterparts to be in a partnered relationship.

Says Natalie Wilton: "Many things about sex are the same, despite being at an older age, especially the emotional ones". To keep the connection strong, older adults may need to explore new techniques and devices to maintain a satisfying sex life. These could include toys, lubricants, visual material, or even a trip to the sex therapist.

Keeping sex safe

Preventing pregnancy is usually not a concern in later life. Still, it's important to use condoms and otherwise practice safe sex, if your partner is new or if you aren't sure the relationship is exclusive.

That's because sexually transmitted diseases (STDs) can and do happen to older adults. It's less likely that an older person will have an STD compared to a younger person, but the risk is still there. In fact, the Centres for Disease Control recommend screening older women for STDs in the following situations:

New partner

More than one sex partner

Sex partner with concurrent partners

Sex partner with an STD

For more on STDs in later life, see this Harvard Health Letter article: Sexually transmitted disease? At my age?

Beyond Normal Aging: Sex & Disability

Some physical changes are normal and universal, but what about when there are unexpected health challenges in later life that can put a damper on sex? In this section, we'll talk about ways to work around conditions that can be a part of old age, instead of closing the door to a satisfying sex life.
Learn more about sex and caring for someone with a disability or illness here, in Part Two - Sex and The Caregiver.
Why bother?

Why even have sex if you're living with disability or illness? Well, it's good for your physical and emotional health. For instance:

Sex can cause the release of good brain chemicals like norepinephrine, serotonin, oxytocin, vasopressin, nitric oxide (NO), the hormone prolactin, and even endocannabinoid (your body's cannabis chemical).

It boosts self-esteem

It promotes intimacy and closeness

It helps to maintain the health of your sexual organs

Caregivers who have a satisfying sex life are happier than those who don't

Strategies to help with common health challenges
Pain:
There are many conditions with pain as a symptom, including osteoarthritis, previous injuries, neuropathic pain, or some stroke syndromes. Many pain syndromes are more active in the morning or nighttime - typical times for sexual activity, so making time for sex and intimacy in the middle of the day could be more enjoyable.

Positioning is very important when living with pain, and Natalie Wilton recommends rearranging pillows or looking into purchasing specialized foam wedges that can make sex more comfortable.
Cancer:
Depending on the type of cancer and treatment plan, sex can change dramatically after a cancer diagnosis. Sex may not be able to continue in the physical way that was previously enjoyed and sexual pleasure sensations and orgasm may be very different. Some people lose interest in sex while being treated for cancer, but most want to continue or resume some type of sexual activity, especially if they are in a partnered relationship.

Many cancer centres have a social worker that can help address the communication strategies needed to renegotiate lovemaking in the setting of loss, or loss of function of a body part due to cancer. In practical terms, erectile function can be aided with medication and/or mechanical devices (like a vacuum or suction device).
Heart disease:
Like with cancer treatment, there can be a fear of having sex after a heart attack or major cardiac procedure or surgery. In general, when a person is fit for exercise, they are also fit for vigorous sexual activity, so there may need to be an exploration of activities like massage, cuddling, or sharing sexual fantasies while recovering from a heart attack or surgery.

Many cardiac medications can affect the ability to get an erection for men, and to achieve orgasm in both men and women, but stopping medications due to these side effects can lead to more symptoms and higher risk of recurrent events.
Parkinson's disease:
Symptoms of Parkinson's can include stiffness, slowing, and trouble with the autonomic nervous system, which is involved in erections and orgasm. Many treatments for Parkinson's have a predictable pattern of effect, so scheduling sex when the meds are likely to be at their peak performance can be critical.
Depression:
A mood disorder, or the medications used to treat one, can affect libido and sexual function. Serotonin reuptake inhibitors for example (a commonly prescribed antidepressant) can lead to delayed arousal and difficulty achieving orgasm.
Dementia:
We will cover this in more depth in a future article, but sex with a changing brain is something that is often framed as a problem, or "inappropriate", which can lead to unnecessary medication use or social isolation for the person with dementia. The World Health Organization recognizes the right to sexual expression for all persons if it's safe and respectful, and that can happen even in the context of dementia, says Natalie Wilton.
Learn more about Sex and the Changing Brain in Part Three, here.
You can see from the above points, that sex and health issues are common, and can be addressed in different ways. "For many couples, taking sexual intercourse off the table can be a place to start", offers Wilton. Shifting the focus from penis-vagina contact and orgasm to intimacy, pleasure and emotional closeness, can take the pressure off and reinforce the connection between partners.

When to talk to a sex therapist

Sex therapists are professionals with additional training in sex therapy and may come from a background of social work, psychology, nursing, or medicine. Most offer counselling and advice and work with individuals or couples. Therapy involves:

Exploring root causes of difficulty

Education about practical strategies (e.g. positioning, use of aids)

Cognitive behavioural techniques to change thoughts and behaviours

Sex therapists almost never provide sex surrogacy or have sexual contact with the client, although those services may be available from other professionals.

Some therapists, like Natalie Wilton, specialize in working with older adults, but many of the issues that come up are the same no matter the age group and can include:

Mismatch between partners' levels of interest

Recovery from infidelity

Chronic pain affecting sex

Managing the sexual side of a caregiving relationship and maintaining both partners' satisfaction

Female sexual health issues: painful intercourse, difficulties with desire or orgasm

Male sexual health issues: delayed or premature ejaculation, erectile dysfunction

Returning to sexual activity after an illness or injury

The Bottom Line

Here are the key take-aways that I want every older person (and health provider!) to know:

Sexual activity is normal and important throughout the lifespan

Normal aging causes changes in males and females which can affect sexual function and interest

Common health issues in older adults can also affect sexual desire and performance

Sexuality in late life may involve reframing goals and preferences to prioritize activities other than penetration and orgasm

Sex therapy, medication review, and communication with one's partner are strategies to improve sexual health in older adults

If you've been dissatisfied with your sex life or were thinking that "I'm too old for this," I hope this information will inspire you to take action and tap into the potential of your late-life sexual self.

I'd also be delighted to have you come visit my site The Wrinkle, where you can listen to my interviews with geriatric sex therapist Natalie Wilton; I even have downloadable transcripts for those who want them. Here are the links:
Part One - Sex in Later Life - Interview with Natalie Wilton Part Two - Sex and the Caregiver with Natalie Wilton Part Three - Sex and the Changing Brain with Natalie Wilton
And of course, if you have any questions or comments, please post them below!

(There's nothing to be embarrassed about and...you can of course post as "Anonymous" if you prefer. Because there's nothing wrong with wanting a little privacy too.)

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How Sex Changes With Aging (& What You Can Do About It) - Better Health While Aging

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(This article is a special guest post by geriatrician Dr. Nicole Didyk, founder of the blog and YouTube channel The Wrinkle. Like me, Dr. Didyk has a particular interest in informing and empowering older adults and families.

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Not necessarily a myth but more of an issue: sex education in skills being about STIS, fear mongering, and abstinence only.  No focus on pleasure, anatomy, or sex positive messaging 

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Once you get married, you will get pregnant

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Once you get married, you will get pregnant

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An essential exploration of why and how women's sexuality works-based on groundbreaking research and brain science-that will radically transform your sex life into one filled with confidence and joy.

Researchers have spent the last decade trying to develop a "pink pill" for women to function like Viagra does for men. So where is it? Well, for reasons this book makes crystal clear, that pill will never be the answer-but as a result of the research that's gone into it, scientists in the last few years have learned more about how women's sexuality works than we ever thought possible, and Come as You Are explains it all.

The first lesson in this essential, transformative book by Dr. Emily Nagoski is that every woman has her own unique sexuality, like a fingerprint, and that women vary more than men in our anatomy, our sexual response mechanisms, and the way our bodies respond to the sexual world. So we never need to judge ourselves based on others' experiences. Because women vary, and that's normal.

Second lesson: sex happens in a context. And all the complications of everyday life influence the context surrounding a woman's arousal, desire, and orgasm.

Cutting-edge research across multiple disciplines tells us that the most important factor for women in creating and sustaining a fulfilling sex life, is not what you do in bed or how you do it, but how you feel about it. Which means that stress, mood, trust, and body image are not peripheral factors in a woman's sexual wellbeing; they are central to it. Once you understand these factors, and how to influence them, you can create for yourself better sex and more profound pleasure than you ever thought possible.

And Emily Nagoski can prove it.

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Come as You Are: The Surprising New Science that Will Transform Your Sex Life

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Come as You Are: The Surprising New Science that Will Transform Your Sex Life [Nagoski, Emily] on Amazon.com. *FREE* shipping on qualifying offers. Come as You Are: The Surprising New Science that Will Transform Your Sex Life

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The more sexual partners a vulva owner has the "looser" the vagina is. 

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https://www.intoxicatedonlife.com/store/product/the-sex-ed-series/

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Description

Book 1: The Talk

"If you want to be one of those parents who boldly steps up to the plate to educate your children about one of the most precious gifts God has granted human beings, Luke Gilkerson has made your task oh-so-easy with this step-by-step guide!" - Shannon Ethridge, Best-selling author of the Every Woman's Battle series

The Talk covers basic theological and biological concepts that children ages 6 to 10 can understand. Each study is anchored in a specific text of Scripture.

Lesson 1 deals with the differences between men and women, giving children a simple understanding of their own bodies and the differences between male and female sexual organs.

Lesson 2 discusses God's command for the human race to multiply, giving children a basic understanding of sexual intercourse and how babies are conceived.

Lesson 3 addresses the development of human life in the womb, giving children a picture of the wonder of how babies grow and are born.

Lesson 4 deals with the intimacy that is created through sex, giving children an understanding of the goodness of sex in marriage and how it creates a strong bond between a man and a woman.

Lesson 5 discusses the sin of adultery, giving children a biblical understanding of why it is wrong.

Lesson 6 addresses the difficult subject of rape and sexual abuse, reminding children of the importance of talking to their parents about anyone who touches them in an inappropriate manner.

Lesson 7 deals with the importance of honoring God with one's body because God has bought us with a price.

Each lesson has an opening discussion topic, a Scripture reading, an explanation of the passage, questions to ask your children, and a prayer. Many lessons are also contain line drawings of male and female anatomy, egg and sperm, and images of how a baby develops in the womb.

The Talk was written for parents to read with children ages 6 to 10 years old. The study supplies elementary-age children with foundational truths about sexuality at a level they can understand.

Book 2: Changes

"THIS is the book I sought and couldn't find when our children were entering puberty. Changes needs to be in the hands of all parents of 8-12-year-olds. This resource equips parents with a biblical, accurate, short-but-sweet, direct means of having 'the talk' about biblical sexuality with their adolescent while minimizing awkwardness for the parents and the kids. Brilliant!" - Vicki Tiede, author of When Your Husband is Addicted to Pornography and Parenting On Your Knees

Changes covers basic theological and biological concepts that children ages 8 to 12 can understand. Each short study is anchored in a specific text of Scripture.

Lesson 1 looks at the adolescent years of Jesus, talking about how the culture in which Jesus lived recognized puberty as an important phase of physical and spiritual development. The goal of this lesson is to help your child see these changes not as something bizarre, but as something good. Even the Son of God Himself went through them.

Lesson 2 looks at the process of change in the human body throughout all of life. Puberty is just one of several significant phases men and women go through as they age. Physical changes are a normal part of life and nothing to fear.

Lesson 3 addresses the mental and emotional changes of puberty, as well as the internal catalyst for change in our bodies: hormones. The goal of this lesson is to teach children there are natural internal mechanisms in the body that guide the process of puberty-created by a loving, wise, and sovereign God.

Lesson 4 looks at the overall physical changes common to both boys and girls, including basic changes like height, body hair, body odor, acne, etc. This is all part of the natural transition to adulthood.

Lesson 5 deals with the changes that take place in girls during puberty, such as fat deposits, breast development, and menstruation. These changes are a natural part of what it means to be female.

Lesson 6 is about changes that take place in boys during puberty, such as muscular growth, facial hair, voice changes, testicular growth, and ejaculation. These changes are a natural part of what it means to be male.

Lesson 7 will delve into physical attraction. The Bible describes physical attraction as both very good and very powerful. Our kids need to understand both its goodness and power if they are going to steward their sexual development well during puberty.

Each lesson has an opening discussion topic, a Scripture reading, an explanation of the passage, questions to ask your children, and a prayer. The book also contains simple line drawings of male and female anatomy.

Changes was written for parents to read with children ages 8 to 12 years old. The study supplies children with a Bible-based understanding of puberty in a language they can understand.

Book 3: Relationships

" Biblical counselors realize the need for helpful material in dealing with teenagers and sex. The proper application of this outstanding work by parents to children will save broken hearts and crisis counseling in years to follow." - Dr. Rod Mays, Counseling Professor, Reformed Theological Seminary

Relationships is a series of 11 lessons that are designed to take kids and their parents into a deeper understanding of biblical sexuality and relational integrity.

Lesson 1 looks at the original goodness of sexuality and marriage relationships as God created them.

Lesson 2 addresses how sin has brought about sexual brokenness into the world, including our propensity to lust.

Lesson 3 exposes the varieties of sexual and relational temptations in the world: from masturbation to pornography use to homosexual activities.

Lesson 4 covers three biblical strategies for avoiding and overcoming lust.

Lesson 5 discusses how we should guard our hearts from sexual and relational idolatry.

Lesson 6 talks about how we need to make a covenant with our eyes to avoid temptation.

Lesson 7 talks about the importance of fleeing sexually tempting situations.

Lesson 8 addresses the biblical strategy of pursuing intimacy with God and cultivating gratitude for wholesome pleasures.

Lesson 9 discusses the importance of being wise in our opposite-sex friendships.

Lesson 10 addresses the value of accountability relationships.

Lesson 11 gives students and their parents a picture of the life-transforming grace of God for sexual sinners.

Relationships was written for parents to read with children ages 11 to 14 years old. The study supplies pre-teens and early teens with foundational truths about how to steward their growing relational and sexual desires.

You Can Do This!

Teaching kids about sex need not be scary or intimidating. The Sex Ed Series offers parents simple scripts to follow, blending biology with Bible study, all written in simple language kids can understand.

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"If you want to be one of those parents who boldly steps up to the plate to educate your children about one of the most precious gifts God has granted human beings, Luke Gilkerson has made your task oh-so-easy with this step-by-step guide!"