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1. I have a serious crush on my teacher – should I tell her?

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1. I have a serious crush on my teacher – should I tell her?

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Q: I’m a 16-year-old student harboring ardent feelings for a teacher. She’s an absolutely wonderful (in my view, angelic) human being, who seems utterly devoted to what she does and is terribly cordial to us students. It is out of awe for her personality, and gratitude for how she’s made a mark in my life, that I feel so attached to her.

She’s in her late 20s, I suppose, but I feel she could be 18. My feelings are not sexual, but my social circles make barely any room for this possibility.

I can find little solace in my friends for fear that they’d mock me because she’s not considered a looker. I feel an urge to tell her how amazing and adored she is, but fear she’ll be threatened or affronted, or that she’ll feel pained for me and not know how to respond.

Answer:

Dear friend, thanks for writing.

I think that his situation although is very interesting but it is also very common that happen in the high-school, in his case possibily happened for the affection that his teacher could have given you, for which you can feel other kind of “tie” apart from relationship student-teacher.

For this case, first, I think that you could tell her without any problem anytime, because there will be not any changes in his educational relationship, surely. To give solution to his problem, considering that this could be a distraction for you in his studies, you should tell her about his feelings; this would be a good option, because you can out all the things that there are in his mind and his heart and so you canfeel in peacefull.

If the teacher is a good profesional as you explain me, she must comprehen very well his situation and she could help you to control his emotions. I think that you and his teacher may become good friends and if you express her his feelings I don´t think that she can feel threatened or affronted, on the contrary this may generate more confidence between both and also help to create a good friendship.  In my opinion, you should speak with his teacher as soon as possible to solve this frustrating situation.

I hope have helped you.
Good luck.

Thank you for your attention.

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2. My father is a womanizer. I’m terrified I’ll become one, too.

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2. My father is a womanizer. I’m terrified I’ll become one, too.

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Q: I’m 22, single and very romantic, yet I can’t relate to women. I grew up with a womanizing father and ever since I can remember he has made comments about women and sex. No man in my family has ever achieved true love and they have all had multiple sex partners and lovers, betraying the confidence of wives and long-term girlfriends.

My great grandfather, my grandfather, my uncle and my father share this and some of me thinks that I can’t fight it, that I will become the same. But I struggle. I just can’t talk to women; I can’t play charming around them even when I have a good relationship with them in spaces such as work or college.
I have “female friends”, but I can’t break the confidence they have in me by playing the love card. So I’m often the friend of the women I like. My entire romantic concept has been built by culture, by movies like Gone with the Wind or Doctor Zhivago, books like A Farewell to Arms, For Whom the Bells Tolls and long sessions of the Smiths or the Cure.
Answer

My Dear:

I like how you describe yourself, however in these days young people do not think of it this way, the culture used to be male chauvinist in the majority of cases.

You should not psych yourself up about you're going to be the same man that your dad, uncles or your great-grandfather, You should not feel afraid about what you do, you must have confidence in yourself, You should not be the same man than them, You should not carry through the tradition of your family On the other hand, Removed from the mind that you're going to be equal to the other you describe yourself as a unique man, believe it.

However you can give the initiative what you want to do, for example,  you must begin to use what you have learned watching the movies or series, take a chance to feel that you are different, you will be able to get what you want ,  before,  you start with minimum details toward the girl you like, be sincere when talk with her, if you realize in the movies that  you mentioned before  , the guy always be able to seductive the girl that likes him , using strategies , first analyzes the girl you like , then begins to talk with some excuse for example :

if she likes a band ,   you should speak about it,  finally the next day take a fruit chew or sweet as a sign of friendship.

If you have been able to get to be the best friend of the girls that you like, you can take the last step when you win your confidence, you can tell her the experience you've had fall in love of a woman, you could win her heart, tell her what you likes her, and you will be able to get to love her, You shouldbehave like a gentleman with her.

With regard to your family when they see that you are happy, and maybe they ask you, how you got to be with a girl? , you can answer them ,  that  you do not have the same habits than them , you need to be able to demonstrate that,  you can be fall in love to  a woman without telling lies, hurt her, at the same  time  ,  you will know you did the right thing, when you will feel free and happy .

All the best !

Morelia Pulido Soler

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3. My daughter is dating a man more than twice her age.

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3. My daughter is dating a man more than twice her age.

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Q: I have a 23-year-old daughter. Her mother and I split up when she was seven due to her mother’s infidelity. I still see my daughter regularly and she is close to my wife and the two other children we have. My daughter didn’t have a “proper” boyfriend until she was in her late teens. Last week I was informed that her new boyfriend is a little older than her.

It transpires he’s 48! He also has a wife and two children who he is preparing to leave to be with my daughter. I am, in equal measures, furious, horrified, embarrassed, ashamed and desperate.

This new boyfriend is older than my wife, who is 46. I am 55. My daughter wants me to meet this man, but I am too shocked and angry that a man of his age and with his responsibilities could behave in this manner. How should I handle this? I am too embarrassed to talk to my friends about it.

Answer:

Dear friend thanks for your confidence, although I am aware it is a very hard situation for you.

I believe your daughter made lack her father's love in some moments, we as parents make mistakes where just lost our children and hurt them but, this is not moment for reproach.

Then, I can just to tell you, that if you believe in God, you should deliver him your problem and to the Virgin Mary with the purpose they help you.

You must bow to God and Virgin Mary and praying that they perform a miracle in your daughter, and she can leave to this man, because if you say her somethings relating to this she can cling up to him.

Another solution would be you speak with your ex-wife with the purpose to look for a psychologist in order to your daughter can wake up of this situation.

Friend, remember that nothing is impossible for God and Virgin Mary.

I hope everything go well for you.

Blessings and big hug for you.

Best regards,

Magnolia

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4. My family is great, but I feel as though I have no real friends

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4. My family is great, but I feel as though I have no real friends

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Q: I am 38, happily married with two children and have a job I enjoy. However, I have found myself plagued by anxiety about friendships and feelings of loneliness.

Since having children I seem to have been on a roller-coaster of friendships. As our lives have evolved, people have drifted away. I now feel I am left with acquaintances (mainly school mums) rather than actual friends.

I find WhatsApp groups stressful and can’t go on Facebook, as I feel jealous when I see events where I haven’t been included. Some of my pre-children friends remain, but busy lives and distance mean I only see them a couple of times a year.

I’ve given up on phone calls, as people only seem to want to text! I just don’t know how I can get out of this spiraling anxious mindset. Will it improve when my children are older, or without play dates will my social life dry up altogether?

Answer:

Dear friend:

I have read your letter and I want to send you a greeting and a message of tranquility to your concern, I understand that we all receive moments of anguish for some family or social aspects that change over time and when we start thinking about  friendly relationships or in the social life that we had in certain times we notice that there are changes that are not expected in the different stages of our lives.

You must be aware that people's priorities change according to the stage of life in which they are, for example when we are children we only think about having fun with friends from school, in adolescence we usually seek to be recognized by faculties or physical qualities and we are interested in people of the opposite sex, meetings and walks with friends.

It is possible that a single young man or single lady may think that he or she wants to spend his life sharing his friendships with one another but then he can realize that he is staying alone.

When we go from youth to adults we think that we could already have a family because we recognize that the friends are taking different responsibilities and are assuming roles of parents or marry;  in addition to thinking of stable children and families then new economic needs and affection appear, the economic needs forces the couples to take care of the work and the emotional needs require of dedicating time to the children and their same couple which generates consequences in the lack of time for what is known as social life, friends or schoolmates, the university or even co-workers, as a result there is a feeling of loneliness of friends or a tendency to think that it is not taken into account by social groups.

In fact it is not so, because all their friends would like to share more time with you but maybe they can not do it due to their family and work commitments.

To avoid getting anxious and find an emotional balance without breaking your responsibilities keeping in your mind that you are not an isolated person but you have to keep in your mind the participation and approval of the members of your household, it is important that you keep in mind the following suggestions and advices:

You must understand that the communication of today's world is different from our last times, today instant messaging and even email are ways to interact with family and friends; also these can be used because there is no time for personal meetings, however you can create a group in a social network and participate in the activities that are planned as celebrations of special dates or meetings.

You could plan and organize a meeting with your friends in your free time and involve your partner to share pleasant moments, you will have fun and enjoy with them.

You must assume your work and family commitments responsibly and you have to recognize that the priority in the stage of your life is your family.

You occasionally ought to  ask your wife's permission to go out with a friend or share with your old friends.

You should enjoy to be together with  your wife and children.

It Might if you follow these tips you feel better and take advantage of the benefits of your family without losing your social life.

Be certain that everything depends on the personal attitude and that your state of andsiedad will improve.

Finally, we shall all know that the important thing is to take advantage of all the stages of our lives and be happy with the people we love.

Sicerely

Jimy Delgado

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5.I left my home for freedom in Europe but I’m terribly lonely.

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5.I left my home for freedom in Europe but I’m terribly lonely.

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Q: I am a 30-year-old guy and I am really lonely. I was born in Iran and was raised in a conservative family and society. I went to university there and graduated with a master’s degree in English language studies.

I am now at university in Germany, but I am not able to make friends with girls. I have no proper job, no future and not even a friend.

I tried online dating sites; they don’t work. What is wrong with me? I even think of ending my life. I do not have any future going back to a country which does not accept me when I do not believe in Islam.

Answer

Well, thanks to contacting us.

The first thing I can tell you sincerely is that you must pray, ask that supreme being who is your God. He can and wants to help you. In this world we are not alone.

We are accompanied by the one who created us. You should not make decisions lightly, because when you are in situations of loneliness you can make mistakes, even like the one you mention about ending your life.

Calm down. You have a contrast between what discourages you and what encourages you to live, and you will see that there are many reasons that are worthwhile in this life. You should also have more confidence in yourself.

If you have done studies and have degrees, these will open up more opportunities for you to move forward, although for the time being you do not have the desired job, good attitude will bring better opportunities.

Not only in the labor part. You must believe in the great capacity you have not only in the cognitive, but also in the relationship. You should make a list of your abilities and focus on them and you will see how valuable your life is. Give yourself another chance and do not be afraid of making mistakes, of not hitting on your friendships and even a relationship.

The value is very important and you have to believe in yourself, of course without being proud or selfish. Remember that to establish relationships you must have something to offer. What better than your security that inspires those around you.

I hope this answer will help you and I will be praying for you to my God who can do everything.

A  great hug.

Bye

Cesar