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Love is essentially a feeling of overwhelming and deep affection, but more than that it prioritizing the other person and their best interest. I had a hard time defining love on my own, because I feel like it is something that is so unachievable and distant to me. I read somewhere that people express that they love you in many ways: telling you to remember to take an umbrella or a jacket, giving you flowers, spending their time with you, and more. I think that made a lasting impact on me and I think that can carry on to this book. I initially thought that Amir didn't truly love Hassan but rather he is just consumed by his guilt and feels such deep emotions towards Hassan because he feels he needs to make something up. Perhaps that is a bit pessimistic though. I think that Amir could love Hassan because he gets so emotional when he sees Sohrab and how similar they are. "The resemblance was breathtaking, disorienting...It was the Chinese doll of my childhood." (279). It is like he is seeing his friend again, and all their memories and what could have been. When he makes his big mistake and then frames Hassan and Ali, he is acting in his own best interest. In the end, his own self preservation kicked in and he didn't try to save his best friend or even face him after the fact. Amir was a coward, but I don't think that means he never love Hassan. Societal pressures made him question their relationship, but he still hung out with Hassan (pomegranate tree, slingshot, glaring mirrors, etc). After the incident they hang out Amir throws a pomegranate at Hassan and yells, "'Hit me back, goddamn you!'" Amir wanted to be hurt back, he wanted Hassan to be mad, because Amir knows it won't be the same and he thinks that maybe if Hassan got mad and took it out on him it would be better (92). Amir and Hassan's relationship seems so one sided, but Amir certainly could have loved Hassan, but it seemed he certainly loved himself more. On the other hand, I think it is much more arguable that Baba did love Amir, especially once we find out that Hassan was also his child. What Rahim Khan says seems to perfectly sum up Baba's actions. "He loved you both, but he could not love Hassan the way he longed to...so he took it out on you instead," (301). Baba was a little to harsh on Amir, but he still showed Amir love, and that is more clear when they go to America with Baba getting him a car and being proud that Amir graduated. Even in Kabul, Baba got him things for his birthday, but he did the same for Hassan which made Amir feel like it wasn't special enough. Baba loved them both, just in different ways, and Amir doesn't realize that for a long time.

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Redemption is making up for a mistake. It is important to want to be redeemed because it means you are sorry for what you did and want to be back in the position you were in before you made the mistake. You can be redeemed in someone's eyes, and not in another's. It just depends, but what matters is that you feel that you made up for your mistake, atoned for it, and have improved yourself. Amir redeems himself by getting facing up against Assef for Sohrab. He has been craving some punishment for himself. He finally got it while trying to stand up for his nephew, and in some sort of way, Hassan too. This was important to Amir because he had been carrying that guilt for so long, and finally he feels that he can let it go.

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I think that Amir has become a person who is less cowardly, and I think that he has become a man who if more willing up to stand up for himself and what is right. When people around him, including Baba, were doubting Amir's dream of being a writer, he stood up to them and still decided to pursue his dreams. Baba says, "you'll study several years to warn a degree, then you'll get a chatti job like mine," (134). Amir feels guilty and embarrassed but he thinks, "I would stand my ground I decided. I didn't want to sacrifice for Baba anymore. The last time I had done that, I had damned myself." (135). Clearly, Amir is changed as he references his childhood mistake and makes a conscious decision to rebel. Likewise, he gathered the courage to approach Soraya even though she seemed to have a murky reputation. Baba says, "'there was a man once and things...didn't go well,'" (141). Rather than be swayed by other's opinions of her, he still went for it because it was something he wanted and was invested in. When he talks to her he imagines, "lips stopping midsentence. Heads turning. Eyes narrowing," (146). He knows that there will be gossip, and even if that turns on him it doesn't stop him because he is determined to try for himself. Then later, we see Amir stand up to Baba about his health. Baba gets mad at him and tells him not to question him in public, but the point still stands. Amir stood up to Baba because Amir loves Baba and cares for his health. It doesn't really lead anywhere, but it is a significant, just like Amir deciding to be a writer. So even though there has not been such a situtation like the one from Amir's childhood, there are still instances where he stands up for himself and what he believes, which leads me to think that he will be more open to standing up for bigger things in the future.

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So no first of all pride is not something I am used to feeling or being on the receiving end of it. It seems like whenever I am praised it is only to help the other person's image in the eyes of the person that they are showing me off to, like a prize or possession. Perhaps that is me reading too into it and that is how they show their pride. Honestly though, it hurts that the pride is just displayed when others are around and not when it is just me and them. For example when I got into college, it was just like she was looking for the next decision rather than reveling in the current acceptance. At the same time she was posting my acceptances to all these people even though I told her that I should be able to tell people on my own time. Maybe she is proud or maybe she is trying to make herself look better, but either way I didn't feel her happiness or pride when she found out or really ever at all. (but i sure do always feel her disappointment) If I ever am a parent I would want my child to feel accomplished when they are and I would let them know that I too am proud of them.

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“The guilty think all talk is of themselves,” If I had done something wrong and someone was talking about the incident I would automatically think that they're talking about me. Even if they never said any names, I would still be nervous and might even try to convince them that it couldn't have been me. I can't really pin down how it feels because when it does I am so caught up in what I can do to make sure I fix the situation and ensure that something like that doesn't happen again. I can remember that it feels a lot like anxiety, probably because when I am guilty I also get very anxious. I haven't done anything so big where I would carry the guilt around, but there have been small instances where I knew I had done the wrong thing and I always try to fix it.

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Finally, something I'm pretty proud about myself: confrontation. I don't have a problem with confronting people especially when they are my own age. Kids can be particularly cruel in middle and elementary school, and I saw it all the time. I, like many others, were bullied, but not for long because those people didn't get what they wanted from me. Those types of people tend to prey on those who cannot defend themselves, and that only goes to show what type of people they are. I adopted a more standoffish and intimidating character in middle school that many considered mean, but I was not a bully. The people who would ask me with disgust what I was eating, the people who would ask if my hair was real, the people who preyed on the weak were now intimidated by me. When I saw something wrong I stepped in and stood up for victims. I mean it is just basic human decency. I was able to get out of the position where people would prey on me, so I could think about the people around me that were being preyed upon. I would like to think that still holds true even when people are just talking bad. When I see something wrong I say something. BUT there are times where I probably said the wrong thing and then I look back and feel like kicking ,myself for coming off as rude or insensitive.

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“If malice or envy were tangible and had a shape, it would be the shape of a boomerang,” This quote screams karma to me. Whatever you out out in the world will come back to me, and that can relate to jealousy as well. When you wish harm or negative things on someone because you are envious, that will come to bite you in the butt later. Talking about jealousy, I have been jealous. I mean I think everyone has felt jealousy over simple things like the way someone looks or the how well someone did on a test, but I think there is a level past that is less superficial. Ah, well it seems like a lot of these posts will be about the same person so we can just call them Len. Anyways Len is the same person from the prereading. I felt things for Len that were not just platonic and that was hard to deal with when our friendship felt like it was withering away. At the same time, I would see Len talking to this girl in a very laudatory and personal manner that Len didn't normally have. Len used to talk to me like that, and now we don't for some muddled reason. I don't know, even thinking about it know makes my chest feel a little tight and like I have to remember to breathe. (lol this sounds like a wattpad or something, but seriously losing something like that sucks.) I was so... wrapped up in what I had lost and the friendship I had that I felt jealous of that girl because she was still ~close~ friends with Len. I literally had this one dream where I was waiting for Len to come out of class, but then people were crowding me against the door and I couldn't see them anymore. Then, the teacher said that I should try more to be like the girl, implying that the girl and Len were at the same level and I could never. Then the girl walked past me and I couldn't escape and I didn't even see Len. It was overall not a good time, but that doesn't mean that all jealousy is bad. Those levels I mentioned earlier are a good indicator of when jealousy is okay. When you are jealous of things like someone's intelligence, talent, or appearance, you could make some steps to improve yourself in a way that would make yourself happier. But when jealousy gets obsessive or too time consuming, then it is probably not all that good mentally or physically.

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“The shifts of Fortune test the reliability of friends” (Cicero 106 BC – 43 BC) This is saying that true friends stay friends through tough times. Still, there are boundaries. When someone is facing a difficult time and you receive the brunt of their frustrations or they try to distance themselves from you, there is only so much you can do before it is mentally taxing on both you and the other person in the relationship. Of course, that implies that you tried to be there. That line, and boundaries in general, are hard for me to draw and define. I would like to think that I am a good friend since I have been told I am a good listener and empathetic. I really just always want to be there for the people I love as long as they want me there too. With that being said, I don't have a lot of best friends, but those that are can count on me to be there for them even if it is something I don't understand or agree with. Love shouldn't be conditional, but there are always boundaries that keep the relationship healthy. Even then, just because a boundary is crossed that does not automatically implied that the love is gone, it just may mean that the relationship is heading in a direction that may lead to lost love or even toxicity. Telling someone the truth should not cross a boundary, in fact, it should be an important part of any relationship. So I would expect my friends when I am stepping out of line, because it is important that I know what I am doing wrong and how that makes my friend people. That is why my friendships have lasted for so long, and the one that didn't was for that exact reason. One of my best friends and I have been buds since we were in 3rd grade. Even though we have both changed a lot since then, we are still very close. I think it makes perfect sense that we are so different because there are key beliefs and ideas that we share. I can talk to her about anything, and I know she won't judge me and will keep an open mind even if she could never understand the circumstance I am in.

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I'm not sure I have done anything so drastic that I would consider it a skeleton in the closet, but I have certainly done things that I regret. Just one of the many things I regret and haven't forgiven myself for is losing a friend that I had gotten very close to. We became so close so fast; it was something I hadn't experienced before. It was the first time I had deluded myself into thinking that was really such thing as friends forever, but looking back it was a little more. There was always something stopping them from opening up to me, instead, they would just isolate themselves and sometimes I would feel the repercussions of their bad mood. A younger me was a little more immature and I couldn't really handle it/didn't know what to do. Our relationship became more and more unstable even though I confronted their many times.

Even though our relationship came back into existence, it is not the same anymore. I don't regret this situation because of where our relationship is now (even though I still long for what it used to be), I regret it because I feel like I have added to their list of grievances and reasons to have trust issues and self esteem issues. They deserve the best, and I feel like I didn't give it to them.

The best example of redemption is Zuko. He was always there trying to kill the Avatar so his father can rule the world and he can regain his honor. Really, this guy just has serious family issues: his mom ran away, his dad is so abusive he burned kid Zuko's face, and his sister is literally a psycho. He tries to be like his sister and father, but he finds himself and realizes that his father is in the wrong. He cuts his ties with the fire nation and tries to find his purpose in life. He works hard to become an ally and then a close friend to the Avatar and his gang. He saves his uncle, the one person who cared about him, along with the world by doing what was right. Redemption is making a change to save something and Zuko did exactly that.