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Healthy Minds Lincolnshire provide emotional wellbeing support for children and young people up to 19 years old.  If you have a special educational need or disability or are a care leaver we can see you up to the age of 25.

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The workshops and groups we deliver are easy to access virtually.

It can be quite scary attending a group or a workshop when you don't know anyone else in the group. If you are worried about coming to a group or workshop there are lots of things we can do to support you.

Here is some feedback from other young people:

It is really good! Everyone is friendly and you learn some really helpful things which you can keep practicing.

I would say that I was worried before I started a group but once you get in to it it's completely fine and you forget about being nervous. From my experience once the session had started I felt more confident in myself

Although the groups and workshops are to support your emotional wellbeing, they are not like attending a lesson in school. They have been proven to have a positive effect on your emotional wellbeing and are there to help you with life's problems before they get too much to handle.

Top three benefits of groups and workshops:

You're not alone and they help you to realise that we all have similar experiences, but cope with them differently

Making new friends and building positive relationships

Groups and workshops include lots of interactive activities, games, quizzes, alongside learning some new skills to manage your emotional wellbeing.

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The workshops and groups we deliver are easy to access virtually. It can be quite scary attending a group or a workshop when you don't know anyone else in the group. If you are worried about coming to a group or workshop there are lots of things we can do to support you.

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Advice and support related to children's physical health and wellbeing.

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We can help you by providing health advice and information about your baby, child or young person. To speak to a health professional in the team, please contact us on 01522 843000.

We work with midwives, GPs, social workers and other health professionals.

Our hours of work are Monday to Friday 9am to 5pm, excluding bank holidays, however if you leave a message out of hours we will contact you the following day.

The children's health team includes:

Health visitorsare qualified and registered nurses and/or midwives who can give advice to parents about their new baby. They will assess the needs of individuals and families to promote good health from pre-birth to the end of your child's first year at school.

Family health workers - family health workersdeliver packages of care recommended by your health visitor, relating to family health and wellbeing and child development, for example behaviour. They also complete health assessments for children in the community.

Children and young people's nurses - the children and young people's nurses are qualified nurses with experience working with children and young people. They will continue to provide support up to the age of 19 (SEND 25) for those with long-term or more complex health needs and children with bladder or bowel conditions. For children with complex or specialist bladder and bowel conditions they will refer to the Specialist Continence Service.

You can visit our Facebook page for more information. You can also view a selection of videos for further information.

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health and wellbeing
health visitors
support your child’s development
common childhood illnesses
adjusting to parenthood
breastfeeding
bottle feeding
starting solids
sleep behaviour
keeping your child safe
getting ready for school
positive parenting
maternal mental health

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Children's health - Lincolnshire County Council

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Support for the health and wellbeing of children and families in the crucial first years of life.

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Don’t Lose Hope is a charity that offers a professional counselling service for all members of the community from age 4 upwards. This is a free service for families/individuals receiving certain state benefits and affordable to all others. This service is delivered by a team of qualified and experienced counsellors, in private fully equipped counselling rooms. We rely on fundraising to ensure we can maintain this service. We raise funds through our Café, and Gift Shop and also through Donations.

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Don't Lose Hope is a charity that offers a professional counselling service for all members of the community from age 4 upwards. This is a free service for families/individuals receiving certain state benefits and affordable to all others. This service is delivered by a team of qualified and experienced counsellors, in private fully equipped counselling rooms. We rely on fundraising to ensure we can maintain this service. We raise funds through our Café, and Gift Shop and also through Donations.

Our online Gift Shop is now open providing unique and personalised gifts and collectibles for all. With something to suit all budgets, and a combination of handmade and locally produced goods, we are sure you will find something to match your needs.

Thank you for your Donations and support. Without these, we wouldn't be able to provide access to therapeutic and emotional support.
If you would like to learn more about how you can support us, please click here

Inside our Café we are proud to serve freshly ground coffee, handmade cakes and scones, freshly made sandwiches, baguettes and paninis and much more. All served by our amazing team of volunteers.

Our Community Garden and man shed are changing with the seasons and we are looking forward to welcoming these new additions as we head into an exciting new phase in our support provisions. You can now become a member to support us supporting you.

The café is open Monday to Friday 9-4 and Saturday 10-4, and is run by volunteers. This is a space where anyone can drop in and find someone to talk to, get involved in activities, make friends or just have a slice of cake and a cup of tea.

You can read here about our latest News

We are based at 4 North Street, Bourne, PE10 9HA.

We are looking for volunteers to cover a range of roles within the charity. If you are interested please email dlhvolunteers@gmail.com

You can find out more about our fundraising and other news through our facebook page.

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Don't Lose Hope is a charity that offers a professional counselling service for all members of the community from age 4 upwards. This is a free service for families/individuals receiving certain state benefits and affordable to all others. This service is delivered by a team of qualified and experienced counsellors, in private fully equipped counselling...

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A decent night's sleep will help children to learn more effectively and make them less susceptible to minor ailments,

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Nicole Woodcock is a Clinical Hypnotherapist and lecturer in her practice Hummingbird Hypnotherapy. Working with adults and children from the age of four.

With a background of working in a social care setting for 15 years Nicole now uses clinical hypnotherapy to work with children with additional needs and neuro diversity.

Offering a supportive and relaxed environment for positive therapy.

Teaching young people how their brain works and incorporating psychotherapy with trance relaxation.
Sessions available face to face and online via zoom.

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Hypnotherapy Lincolnshire, Bourne | Hummingbird Hypnotherapy - Solution Focused Hypnotherapy

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Hummingbird Hypnotherapy | Bourne, Lincolnshire

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Hypnotherapy Bourne, Lincolnshire. Providing solution focussed hypnotherapy. Ever considered hypnosis? Hypnotherapy based in Bourne, Lincolnshire with Nicole.

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'Can you make someone get help?' video

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Can you make someone get help with their mental health? | Episode 4 #AskMind

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Advice for parents to help them support their child / children / a child / children known to them who may be experiencing depression, anxiety, suicidal feelings or self-harm.

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Parents / carers / families have an important role in teaching children and young people how to understand and manage their feelings as they grow up.

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How to support your child’s mental health – Place2Be

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Place2Be works with schools to help parents support their child’s mental health and improve their emotional wellbeing.

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Parenting isn’t always easy! And it’s OK to ask for / seek help.

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It's okay to reach out for help. Your situation is unique and no parent has all the answers. We all need a little extra support sometimes, and we hear from parents and carers just like you all the time.

So, if you're worried about the mental health and wellbeing of a child or young person up to the age of 25, you can chat to us by phone, email or webchat.

Our Parents Helpline is also accessible for those who are hard of hearing or speak English as an additional language. If English is not your first or preferred language, we can arrange for a language translator to support you on a call with one of our helpline advisers. Or if you would like to use our webchat or email service, we offer a digital translation service.

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Parents Mental Health Support | Advice for Your Child

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Practical tips, advice and where you can get help if your child or teenager is struggling with their mood, feelings, or their behaviour seems different.

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Make It Count - Mental Health Foundation

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Make It Count - Mental Health Foundation

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This guide is for parents and carers to help children understand, protect, and sustain their mental health.

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They are free to download. However, a selection of our most popular publications are also available for purchase as hard copies.

Our titles are used by businesses and organisations across the UK, helping thousands of people manage and maintain their mental health.

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They are free to download. However, a selection of our most popular publications are also available for purchase as hard copies. Our titles are used by businesses and organisations across the UK, helping thousands of people manage and maintain their mental health.

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Information and Support

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Right now, someone you know might be struggling. Donate to Mind and help make a difference. We’ve never needed your help more. Make sure no mind is left behind.

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Coping with self-harm: a guide for parents

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Coping with self-harm: a guide for parents

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Developed by researchers at the University of Oxford, this guide includes information on the nature and
causes of self-harm and how to support a young person for parents and carers.

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If your child is experiencing high levels of anxiety, it can be worrying for you as a parent or carer.

This booklet looks at anxiety, its impact while offering practical ideas for your child – and you – to deal with this common but distressing experience.

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Supporting a child with an eating problem

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Supporting a child with an eating problem

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It can be a distressing, isolating and worrying time for anyone caring for a child who has been diagnosed with an eating disorder or who is having problems with eating.

As well as helping you understand more about eating problems, this booklet gives you knowledge and skills that will help you support your child plus some useful tips on supporting your own wellbeing. You can also find out more about our free online skills workshops for parents and carers.

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Connecting individuals with activity opportunities across Lincolnshire to support your wellbeing.

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Advice for parents and carers: talking mental health with children

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Browse our free mental health resources for those working in primary, secondary and FE settings.

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We all experience anxiety from time to time; it’s part of being human. But if it’s stopping you doing the things you want to do in life, it might be time to get some help. Find out more about anxiety, the different types of anxiety disorder, and what help is available.

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What is anxiety?

Anxiety is when you feel scared, worried or panicky about something. It's a normal, human feeling and your body's natural response to stress or danger. Anyone can experience anxiety, regardless of age, gender, race, culture or faith.

We all feel anxious from time to time. But the feeling usually passes once we feel safe or solve the problem that was causing the anxiety.

As humans evolved, our brains developed an inbuilt alarm system. It warns us when something isn't right and we need to keep ourselves safe. This alarm triggers what is known as the 'fight or flight' response - when your body prepares to either run away, fight, or freeze. Think about what happens in your body when you feel anxious. You might get a churning feeling in your stomach, feel dizzy or light-headed, or get hot and sweaty. These are all signs of the fight or flight response.

When our brains are in fight or flight mode, our thinking brain - the part that helps us think clearly, learn and solve problems - switches off. We evolved to have this response as it helped our ancestors react quickly to dangerous situations, like being chased by a predator. Even though we don't face dangers like this anymore, we can still experience the fight or flight response when we feel anxious or overwhelmed.

This can make us feel like we're in physical danger, but it's important to remember that feeling this way doesn't necessarily mean we are in danger.

When is anxiety a problem?

Anxiety becomes a problem when it stops you from doing the things you want or need to do in life. If this sounds like you, it might be time to get some help. A good place to start is by making an appointment with your GP. If your anxiety is having a major impact on your life, they might diagnose you with an anxiety disorder. But your anxiety doesn't have to be severe for you to get help.

Young people have told us that their anxiety has sometimes been dismissed as perfectionism or the normal ups and downs of being a teenager. But if it's impacting your life, you deserve help. If someone dismisses your experience, remember that it doesn't mean what you're feeling isn't valid.

All sorts of things can cause anxiety. There's no 'right' or 'wrong' reason to feel anxious. Sometimes it has a clear trigger, but other times it can feel like it comes out of nowhere. Some people might feel it in specific situations. Others might feel it more generally. The cause of your anxiety can also change over time.

Below are some real stories from young people about what caused their anxiety.

The 'Sunday Scaries' can creep in even when, on paper, your Monday seems routine and worry-free. Whatever's making you feel anxious, there are ways to manage your worries and take care of yourself.

Anxiety looks and feels different for everyone. We might notice anxiety in:

stomach problems, such as pains, feeling sick or diarrhoea

heart beating really fast

fast, shallow breathing

feeling light-headed, dizzy or faint

grinding your teeth

shaking or trembling

sweating more than usual

biting nails/skin picking

nervous, on edge and unable to relax

overwhelmed

like something bad is going to happen

out of control

tired and grumpy

needing reassurance or worrying you've upset someone

self-conscious

finding it difficult to concentrate

eating more or less than usual

needing the toilet more

fidgeting or feeling tense

sleep problems

having panic attacks

These physical symptoms can be so frustrating and a huge discomfort. And when we don't know how common they are, it can leave us feeling all alone.

Types of anxiety disorders

Anxiety disorders often come after a conversation with a GP. Below are some of the common ways it can show up and what these types of disorders are called:

If you find yourself feeling anxious most of the time, and about lots of different things, your doctor might diagnose you with GAD. Lots of other young people experience GAD. With a bit of help, lots of people with GAD are able to manage their anxiety.

Health anxiety is where you spend a lot of time worrying about feeling ill or getting ill. You might keep checking your body for signs of illness and spend a lot of time researching symptoms. Or you might feel like you need a lot of reassurance that you're not unwell, even if your GP tells you that you're healthy. This fear can affect your life in many ways and mean you avoid certain situations.

Hattie shares her experience of developing health anxiety during the Covid-19 pandemic.

Social anxiety is different to feeling shy. It's where you experience an overwhelming fear of social situations. You might worry about or avoid being around people, speaking on the phone, going shopping or to school and work.

Molly shares tips for coping with social anxiety disorder.

Agoraphobia is a type of phobia that can be experienced in lots of ways. You might be scared to leave a safe space, such as your home. Or you might be afraid of being left alone, or in a situation where you feel trapped and can't get help.

If you don't feel able to visit your GP, you can ask for a phone call instead. You could also ask someone you trust to go with you.

It's also common to experience anxiety alongside other mental health conditions, such as depression or PTSD. We have lots of information and advice on different mental health conditions to help you find the right support.

Treating anxiety disorders

If you're struggling to manage your anxiety, help is available. The best place to start is by making an appointment to see your GP. Even though it might feel like they're removed from what's going on in your life, your GP is there to support you with practical options.

Below are some of the treatment options available. The treatment you get offered will depend on your age and what's causing your anxiety . The important thing is to find what works best for you.

At first, your GP might offer you a self-help course. This can help you learn practical skills to cope with your anxiety. If you chose to do the course, book in another appointment with your GP to check in with how you're doing.

The self-help course could be:

a workbook or computer course to do in your own time

a workbook or computer course with support from a therapist

a group course with a therapist and other people who struggle with anxiety

If this doesn't feel right for you, let your GP know. They can help you try other treatments.

Talking therapy can help you get to the root of what is causing your anxiety. One of the most common types of talking therapy used to treat anxiety is cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT). With CBT, you work with a therapist who helps you understand your thoughts and feelings. They then help you explore ways to change how they affect you. You also learn practical techniques to help you relax and cope better in everyday life.

Have a look at our counselling and therapy guide to find out more about different types of talking therapies and what happens in a therapy session.

Find out more about counselling and therapy

Applied relaxation can help you manage the physical symptoms of anxiety. The focus is learning how to relax your muscles in a particular way. You can then use this technique when you're in situations that usually cause anxiety.

Medication can help you manage some of your symptoms. However, it's unlikely to solve the root cause of your anxiety. That's why your doctor should suggest talking therapy alongside medication.

Some of the medications for anxiety you might be offered include:

To find out more about medications, how they work and to get information on side effects, have a look at our guide to medications.

If making appointments and going to the doctor causes you anxiety, let your GP know. They will be able to make arrangements to help. For example, they could arrange phone calls or home visits. You could take someone with you to appointments or ask someone to call the GP for you. It's okay to tell your GP if you're struggling and need to make adjustments - they are there to help, not judge.

Ways to look after yourself if you have anxiety

If anxiety is taking over your life, it's important to get professional help. But there are also things you can do to look after yourself and feel better. Below are some coping techniques that you can try.

Your GP can tell you where to find local support groups. You can also look online at Anxiety UK for tools, tips and information on support networks. Finding others who get what you're going through can feel like a weight has been lifted.

Opening up to someone you trust can really help. It could be a relative, friend, teacher, faith leader or someone else in your community. Sometimes we just need someone to listen and validate how we're feeling.

It's normal to worry about how the people in your life will react, or whether they'll understand you. Especially if they have a different understanding of mental health. But we have lots of tips to make it easier in our guide to reaching out for help.

It's helpful to have some grounding techniques you can use when you're feeling really anxious or having a panic attack. These are techniques that can help you to feel calmer, like breathing techniques to help you slow down.

If you're not sure where to start, have a look at these ideas from our bloggers:

Self-help techniques aren't a replacement for getting help or a way for you to fix anxiety on your own. But they can help you manage your anxiety and take care of your mental health in little ways that make you feel more able to manage your anxiety. Take a look at some ideas from our Activists below.

Remember, it's okay if you try activities and still feel anxious. These techniques might not make your anxiety completely go away, but they can make it a little easier.

Get tips from Dr Ally on how to look after yourself if you have anxiety.

During my lows, I have found that reading poetry helps ground me, even when I lack the will to leave my bed. A lot of poetry asks the reader to observe their body, their environment or their relationships in a positive way. It encourages you to reflect on life from a place of gratitude.

How to support a friend with anxiety

It can be hard to know how to help a friend or someone close to you struggling with anxiety. It's normal to feel worried about saying or doing the wrong thing. But remember that it's not your responsibility to fix anything. Sometimes just listening to how they're feeling can be a really big help.

If a friend opens up to you about struggling with anxiety, here are some things you can do to support them.

It's important to remember to look after your own mental health too and only support them in ways that feel manageable for you. It's not all on you to support your friend with anxiety.

If anxiety is taking over, you are not alone. Here are some services that can help you get through this.

This page was reviewed in June 2023. It was co-created by young people with lived experience of anxiety. We will next review the page in 2026. YoungMinds is a proud member of PIF TICK - the UK's quality mark for trusted health information.
Whether you love the page or think something is missing, we appreciate your feedback. It all helps us to support more young people with their mental health.

Please be aware that this form isn't a mental health support service. If you are in crisis right nowa nd want to talk to someone urgently, find out who to contact on our urgent help page.

At YoungMinds we take your privacy seriously. If you'd like to read more about how we keep the information we collect safe, take a look at our privacy policy.

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Anxiety and Anxiety Disorders | Signs and symptoms

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Anxiety is a feeling of fear or panic that many young people experience. Find out about the causes and symptoms of anxiety and where to get help.

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Avoidant restrictive food intake disorder, more commonly known as ARFID, is a condition characterised by the person avoiding certain foods or types of food, having restricted intake in terms of overall amount eaten, or both.

Anyone of any age can have ARFID. It occurs in children, teenagers and adults. Although people with ARFID may lose weight or have low weight, this is not a criteria for ARFID. It can occur at any weight and varies in different people.

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Avoidant restrictive food intake disorder, more commonly known as ARFID, is a condition characterised by the person avoiding certain foods

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Emotional Based School Avoidance (EBSA) is a term used to describe a child or young person who has severe difficulty in attending school due to emotional factors. This can result in prolonged absences from school.

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Emotional Based School Avoidance (EBSA) is a term used to describe a child or young person who has severe difficulty in attending school due to emotional factors. This can result in prolonged absences from school.

EBSA can present differently across individuals, but can show as:

low or intermittent attendance

high sensitivity or reactivity

low mood and anxiety (fear of talking to teachers, fears around academic performance)

social isolation

signs of emotional distress that affects their ability to function at school, such as difficulties forming relationships with teachers and peers

developmental differences that fundamentally shape perception and action in ways that cause significant challenges in emotional self-regulation and social functioning (autistic spectrum disorder, ADHD).

What isn't EBSA?

It is crucial to have a clear and accurate understanding of EBSA to enable accurate identification of children or young people experiencing EBSA. There is a clear difference between those children or young people that are absent from school as a result of EBSA as opposed to parentally condoned absence (where a caregiver deliberately keeps or supports keeping a child or young person away from school for various reasons) or truancy, which is linked to non-anxiety-based absenteeism.

For situations such as this there are other routes of support and challenge that schools should take.

Why does EBSA happen?

EBSA can occur suddenly or develop gradually over time. Behaviours can also range from occasional reluctance to attend school to complete avoidance resulting in non-attendance. EBSA should not be thought of as a deliberate act of defiance as it is a complex issue with no single cause.

Reasons are often complex and multi-faceted across environmental factors (both at home and school) as well as individual child factors.

Any identified factors are unlikely to be static and fixed. What led to the initial school avoidance may not be what leads to persistent avoidance and non-attendance. What appears to be the cause of the issue may be the consequence.

Risk factors

There are a number of risk factors that can influence EBSA. These can include, but are not limited to, difficulties with managing and regulating emotions, low levels of self-confidence or self-esteem, high levels of family stress, relationship difficulties or academic demands. It is often the interaction between risk factors (across school, family and child or young person) that results in EBSA behaviours.

Resilience factors

While risk factors have been identified that place children at greater risk of EBSA, it is important to also consider, identify and build areas of strength or resilience available for the child, family and school. These resilience factors help to protect children and young people from maintaining EBSA behaviours, and promote successful school inclusion. Resilience factors can include, but are not limited to, emotion regulation strategies, motivation for change, willingness to work in partnership and an openness and commitment to trying to understand how the child or young person may be different and how this may affect them at school.

Push and pull factors

Risk and resilience factors can also be separated into push and pull factors. EBSA is most likely to occur when the risks overwhelm the resilience, and when the pull factors (that encourage school avoidance) take over the push factors (that encourage school attendance).

Anxiety

EBSA is often associated with feelings of anxiety in children and young people. Think of anxiety as the brain's alarm system being overly sensitive (very sensitive to breaking news). It's constantly guessing that something bad might happen, even when there is no real danger. It's like your body sending a red alert that something is not right (an error), but you're not exactly sure what the problem is. This could make a child or young person feel worried, nervous, or scared more frequently than usual. It's like their brain is seeing shadows in the dark and interpreting them as monsters, even though they are safe in their bedroom.

For children and young people who are going through this, these feelings might be so strong and unpleasant that they start to worry about how to make them less intense. Just like how you might feel nervous before a big test or game, it's normal for everyone to feel anxious or unsure at times. But for children and young people who struggle going to school because of their anxiety or experience of error, these feelings are not just a little bit nervous or unsure - they are very intense and uncomfortable and frequently uncontrollable.

Some children and young people experience such heightened levels of anxiety that it negatively impacts on their ability to attend and cope in school. Children and young people's avoidance of school reflects an attempt to preserve emotional security by shielding themselves from the stress, threats or social isolation they feel at school. Their avoidance may increase the certainty of feeling better away from stress and reduce the uncertainty about dealing with challenges at school. However, it also makes it increasingly difficult to return because it strengthens their beliefs about experiencing unpleasant feelings, which cause much distress and limits the opportunities to gradually overcome their difficulties. Moreover, the social network weakens, the academic gaps grow, and the fear of returning to school takes over. The complex context of school feels less and less safe and predictable as a result.

Anxiety may be the triggering, but also a maintaining factor of EBSA. The greater the avoidance of situations that cause fear or distress, the more difficult it will become to deal with it. With each individual situation, it is therefore crucial for schools and involved agencies to work together with the child or young person and their family and as early as possible to understand why the child or young person is reluctant to attend school. Lincolnshire's Emotional Based School Avoidance (EBSA pathway) enables this to happen.

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Emotional based school avoidance (EBSA) - Lincolnshire County Council

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If your child has been diagnosed with an eating disorder, here's what you can do to help.

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Find out what you can do to help if your child has been diagnosed with an eating disorder.

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Self-harm is when someone hurts themselves on purpose to manage distressing or overwhelming feelings or experiences.

Someone who is self-harming may be dealing with lots of intense thoughts and feelings. Hurting themselves can feel like the only way to cope. Or they might feel numb and hurt themselves so they can feel something.

If your child is self-harming, or you’re concerned they might be, it can be incredibly worrying. The important thing to remember is that lots of young people go through this and come out the other side with different ways of coping. You also need to remember that you’re not alone.

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#NoHarmDone | A Parent's Journey | My Child Self-Harms | YoungMinds

If you're worried that your child is self-harming but they aren't talking to you about it or showing visible injuries, it can be difficult to know what's going on.

Ways that young people self-harm

Some ways that young people self-harm include:

cutting themselves

scratching skin with fingernails

burning skin

biting skin

hitting themselves, or banging their head or another part of their body on a wall

pulling hair out from their head, eyebrows or eyelashes

inserting objects into their body

Things to look out for

If you are worried your child may be self-harming, here are some things to look out for:

unexplained cuts, burns, bite marks, bruises or bald patches

keeping themselves covered, for example wearing long sleeves or trousers even during hot weather, not wanting to change clothes around others or avoiding activities like swimming

bloody tissues in waste bins

seeming low or depressed, for example withdrawing from friends and family

blaming themselves for problems or expressing feelings of failure, uselessness or hopelessness

outbursts of anger or argumentativeness

Self-harm is usually a way of trying to manage very difficult feelings. People often self-harm when life feels hard to cope with - when lots of distressing feelings have built up and it's become overwhelming. In the moment, the sensation of self-harming and experiencing some physical pain can feel easier than feeling out of control emotionally.

If a young person is self-harming, it's often a sign that something in their life isn't quite right or has become too much to deal with. It can be understood as an important message about how a young person is feeling - one that needs to be noticed with care by the adults around them.

Some myths you might hear about self-harm can make it harder to talk about as a parent - including that it's a 'phase' young people go through, or that it's an attention-seeking behaviour.

While it might feel hard to understand sometimes from the outside, self-harm can be a way for a young person to:

manage, reduce or express very strong and upsetting emotions - such as hurt, sadness, anger, fear or feeling bad about themselves

relieve tension and pressure, or reduce feelings of panic and anxiety and temporarily feel calmer

experience a feeling of physical pain to distract from emotional pain

gain a sense of control over feelings or problems - for example, by feeling there's something they can do when things feel too much

stop feeling numb or 'zoned-out' - which can be a protection mechanism our bodies use when we're experiencing overwhelming feelings

However, while it often feels like self-harm brings some relief in the moment, this is only temporary. As feelings build up again, so does the urge to self-harm. As this cycle continues over time, a young person may start to feel ashamed, confused or frightened about the fact that they're self-harming - increasing the load they're carrying on top of what they're already going through. This can become a cycle that's really hard to break, and a habit that's hard to stop.

Helping your child in the short term

When the urge to self-harm does build in the moment, having a list of other things they can do straight away can also help your child to 'ride the wave of' their intense feelings without self-harming.

Remember that different things will work for different people, and that what helps will usually depend on the feelings your child is trying to manage. Some young people will want to do something soothing like wrapping themselves up in a comfy space, while others might want to do something very active to burn off the energy in their body.

Talk to your child about different strategies they could try, while also giving them space to find their own ways of coping and figure out what works for them. Strategies could include:

Making and using a self soothe box

Writing down how they're feeling in a journal

Writing down difficult feelings on pieces of paper and then ripping them up

Ripping up a magazine or newspaper

Hitting a soft cushion, pillow or bean bag

Listening to loud music

Having a shower

Doing some exercise

Going for a walk outside, or taking the dog for a walk

Focusing on their breathing - how it feels in their body to breathe in and out

Wrapping up in a blanket or duvet

Talking to someone - a friend, family member or calling a helpline

Tidying or organising something

Doing a hobby they enjoy that helps them feel calm, such as painting, drawing, colouring-in, watching a favourite TV programme, playing video games, cooking or baking

Your child might want to use an app like Calm Harm so they have something on their phone that suggests different techniques they can try when they feel the urge to self-harm.

Helping your child over the longer term

Over the longer-term, becoming more aware of how they feel when they self-harm, what's making them feel this way and what kinds of things help, will empower your child to feel more in control. This will hopefully reduce the sense of being overwhelmed and the feeling that they need to self-harm. You can find more tips about this below.

It might help to start a conversation while walking outside or doing an activity, which can help your child to feel more relaxed and make it feel less like a 'big chat'. It can also help both of you to be in a neutral space, for example not in their bedroom. You can find our activity ideas for starting a conversation in our guide to talking to your child about mental health.

While you may understandably have lots of questions, it's important to remember your child is going through a tough time and may find this overwhelming. Focus on finding out how they're doing, without bombarding them for information.

Remember that your child may feel ashamed about self-harming and find it difficult to talk about. Let them come to you when they feel ready to talk, and reassure them that they can talk to you as often and for as long as they need to.

If your child is struggling to talk, they might find it easier to text you or write you a letter. This also gives you time to process what they've told you and think about how you'd like to respond.

When your child does open up, try to focus on listening, showing empathy and being curious about what it's like for them, rather than trying to 'fix' things straightaway. Sometimes they will just want you to listen and understand how they are feeling.

What kinds of thoughts are they having, and how do they feel in their bodies? For example, they might start to feel more zoned-out, or like they're full of panic. This can help them to recognise what feelings they're trying to cope with, and what they can do instead to express and manage these.

Keeping a mood diary might help them to understand this overtime - this could be as simple as a word, phrase or emoji that they note down each day.

Responding to self-harm - Roundup | YoungMinds Parents Lounge

There are different places where you can find help for your child. Speaking to your GP is often a good place to start, as they can discuss your concerns, speak to your child to find out how they're doing and let you know what support options are available. Depending on your child's situation, they can also refer them for an assessment by a mental health specialist or to Child and Adolescent Mental Health Services (CAMHS). You can speak to the GP yourself to explain the situation and ask for advice, even if your child doesn't want to talk to them.

Young people who are self-harming may find it particularly helpful to speak to a counsellor or therapist, who can help them to make sense of how they're feeling and work with them to find new ways of coping. Our guide to counselling services takes you through the process of finding a counsellor or therapist for your child.

You can find out more about speaking to GPs, finding a counsellor or therapist, accessing CAMHS, getting help from your child's school and finding local services on our guide to getting support from mental health services.

Trying to find the right help for your child and finding your way around different services can be really tiring at times - so keep reminding yourself that you're doing your best and that it's not easy.

Some young people who are self-harming will find it very difficult to speak to a professional, go to appointments or even acknowledge what's going on. If things are feeling stuck, you can call our Parents Helpline for information, advice and support.

Parents have found the following things helpful to keep in mind when seeking professional help:

If you're feeling under a lot of strain yourself, or that the situation is too much to manage as a parent, it's often a sign that more professional help is needed.

Try to speak to professionals early on, before things have escalated to a crisis situation.

Encourage your child to give themselves some time to get to know a professional and build trust, remembering that they might be starting from a very withdrawn place.

Ask if you can see the same professional each time, so that you and your child don't have to keep re-explaining the situation.

Be open minded about different types of treatment - remembering that what works for your child might not be the same as what would work for you.

It's important to take your child to hospital or to your GP if they have any injuries or wounds that require medical attention.

It can be helpful to understand as a parent that self-harm is often a coping mechanism to help someone manage, and isn't necessarily an expression of suicidal feelings or an attempt to take their own life. However, people who experience suicidal thoughts can be more likely to have self-harmed in the past. If you're worried that your child may be experiencing suicidal thoughts, read our guide to find out how you can access help.

If your child is having a mental health crisis and needs urgent help now, find out who to contact on our urgent help page.

If your child's life is at risk, or if it does not feel like they're safe, please call 999 for an ambulance or take them straight to A&E.

Find urgent help

Finding out that your child is self-harming can be an incredibly distressing, or even traumatic, experience as a parent. It's completely normal to struggle with feelings of anxiety, confusion, sadness, anger, frustration, guilt or shame.

Try to take time when you can to check in with yourself, and to think about ways you can take care of yourself as well as your child. Remember that it's okay to ask for help when you need it, and to share your worries with someone you trust.

Many parents who have been in this situation find it helpful to reach out to other parents so they can talk through how they have handled difficult situations and found support. You may also be able to find a local parent support group using the Charlie Waller Trust directory.

If you need more help, speaking to your GP is a good place to start, and they may be able to refer you to a local support service. Sometimes it helps just having someone there who can listen to what you're going through - and if you need someone to talk to, you can call the Samaritans anytime on 116 123.

Useful helplines and websites

While we take care to ensure that the organisations we signpost to provide high quality information and advice, we cannot take responsibility for any specific pieces of advice they may offer. We encourage parents and carers to always explore the website of a linked service or organisation to understand who they are and what support they offer before engaging with them.

This page was reviewed in July 2021. It was created with parents and carers with lived experience of supporting their child or young person with self-harm. We will next review the page in 2024. YoungMinds is a proud member of PIF TICK - the UK's quality mark for trusted health information.
Whether you love the page or think something is missing, we appreciate your feedback. It all helps us to support more young people with their mental health.

Please be aware that this form isn't a mental health support service. If your child is in crisis right now and you want to talk to someone urgently, find out who to contact on our urgent help page.

At YoungMinds we take your privacy seriously. If you'd like to read more about how we keep the information we collect safe, take a look at our privacy policy.

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Self-Harm & Mental Health | Guide For Parents

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Read our guide to self-harm to learn more about what self-harm is, what the signs of self-harm are in a young person, and where to get support.

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We all have mental health, and life is full of ups and downs for us all.

Here you will find expert advice, practical tips, and plenty of help and support if you're stressed, anxious, low or struggling to sleep – or get Your Mind Plan and discover what works for you.

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We all have mental health, and life is full of ups and downs for us all.

Here you will find expert advice, practical tips, and plenty of help and support if you're stressed, anxious, low or struggling to sleep - or get Your Mind Plan and discover what works for you.

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Mental health issues - Every Mind Matters

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We all have mental health. Find expert advice, practical tips and support if you're stressed, anxious, low or struggling to sleep.

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eacon House is a specialist, innovative and creative therapeutic service for young people, families and adults. With a special interest in working with individuals of all ages who have experienced trauma and loss, we are passionate about offering safe and effective therapies in a way that enables people to re-build their lives following stress and adversity.

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Welcome to Beacon House

Beacon House is a specialist, innovative and creative therapeutic service for young people, families and adults. With a special interest in working with individuals of all ages who have experienced trauma and loss, we are passionate about offering safe and effective therapies in a way that enables people to re-build their lives following stress and adversity. We also take pride in supporting individuals and teams to develop their trauma informed practice through training, supervision and consultation.

Our Cuckfield Clinic periodically closes to new child and adult referrals to prevent long waiting times. Please do get in touch with us to find out if we have spaces currently.

We have some specific capacity for child and family referrals at our Chichester Clinic. Please do get in touch with us to find out if we are able to allocate your referral at this time.

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Educational Psychology

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Get in touch today to find out more.

We have clinics in Cuckfield and in Chichester.

Please note: We are not able to accept any walk-ins. All meetings are by appointment only. Office hours are: Monday to Friday 9am to 5pm.

To ask any questions, please contact us on admin@beaconhouse.org.uk

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Beacon House | Chartered Clinical Psychologist Trauma Specialist

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This booklet aims to help parents and carers recognise and understand depression and how to get appropriate help for their child.

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At Langtoft Primary School we understand that a child’s emotional health and wellbeing influences their cognitive development and learning as well as their physical and social health and their mental wellbeing in adulthood.  Children need good mental health in order to thrive and achieve their full potential.

To support children with their mental health we aim to:

ensure the learning environment is safe and calm.  We teach the children how to be resilient to enable them to manage their feelings.  We teach the children about mental wellbeing through our PSHE curriculum and throughout the school day, such as in assemblies and other curriculum areas.

have good relationships with children and their parents/carers, ensuring that we are able to recognise issues that may arise concerning mental wellbeing. We encourage parents and carers to talk about their concerns at the earliest opportunity.

work with children and their families to support their mental wellbeing.  This may involve group or individual interventions such as Lego Therapy, Therabuild, Feelings Detectives and Drawing & Talking including support from our ELSA.

work with external agencies where necessary to provide access to specialist support.

If you have concerns about your child’s mental health and wellbeing, please contact us through enquiries@langtoft.lincs.sch.uk. As the school’s Mental Health Lead, Mrs Wood along with the rest of the leaderships team, will support you and your child and be able to signpost you to services that provide specialist support.