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she/her
Freshman
Youth and Community Studies Major
My first memory of play was making booklets about my favorite Disney movies with my mom, and singing karaoke with my family.

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Week 5 - Impact of Racism & White Supremacy

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Week 5 - Impact of Racism & White Supremacy

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As a child, I was influenced into playing in a specific way because of my gender. I was always given Barbie dolls, toys that were pink, and plushies that were of girl characters, like Disney princesses. However, I was also highly interested in toys that were marketed towards boys, such as Hot Wheels or Nerf Guns. But because I was not a boy, my parents would never get me these toys. Thus, I began to develop a strong dislike towards the color pink and anything that was considered girly in order to prove that I was not a "girly girl". I even began to associate the color pink with weakness. Additionally, my girl cousins and I would frequently play games that were centered around dress up or tea parties because we were taught that those activities were appropriate games for girls. I also was conditioned into deeply wanting cooking toys, such as mini kitchen setups and Easy-Bake Ovens. Through this, I began to associate cooking as a form of play and something specifically for girls. Now, I realize that this is something that could relate to the toy industry perpetuating stereotypes of women being more tailored for domestic duties, like cooking, while also targeting young girls.

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The actual church that I go to back at home!

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I grew up Catholic, so I would attend church every Sunday as well as attend CCD classes as a child in order to learn more about my faith, Jesus, and the Bible. Because of this, I grew up playing many games that centered around learning about Jesus's life, the 10 Commandments, how to pray the rosary, and more. We also colored a lot in order to become familiar with Catholic images, such as the stained glass windows or the cross. My mom also wanted me to memorize a lot of the prayers, so we would play memory games together in order to reinforce that. Another memory of mine is that every Christmas, the Filipino community where I lived would have a Christmas party, and one of the things we did was have a pair of children dress up as Mary and Joseph and have them act out trying to find a hotel. One year, I got to dress up and act as Mary, which felt like being able to play dress up and pretend for me. Additionally, because I went to church every Sunday, my family enforced a strict rule that there was no playing during mass. Thus, I began to associate the church, as well as quiet, big gatherings with there being no playing allowed. I feel as if that was my first exposure to there being right places and right times to play.

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This is how I envisioned myself singing when I was a kid

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Growing up Filipino, I was surrounded hearing Tagalog, which is the native tongue of my parents. Even if they had immigrated to the United States, they consistently used Tagalog to talk to one another. Additionally, my parents would always play Filipino TV shows and Filipino musical artists that mainly spoke Tagalog. This led to me constantly hearing Tagalog songs, especially because my dad was a big OPM (Original Pinoy Music) connoisseur. Because of this, my family often played with me by blasting Filipino songs and encouraging me to sing and dance to them. Of course, this led to me being very akin to singing and dancing. My parents also used Tagalog nursery rhymes as a way to encourage me to speak. Before going to bed, my mom and dad would have me sing these traditional nursery rhymes as a memory game. Because of this, I began to develop fluency in Tagalog and associated Tagalog with music. I also began to view things like singing, dancing, and karaoke as a form of play and still like to do those activities for fun.

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Being Asian, there are a lot of stereotypes that persisted with how others interacted with me, even with other children. From a young age, I was taught that as an Asian child, it was expected me to become a doctor or a lawyer. This was seen through how I would role-play as a kid with my friends, and I would always have the role of being a healthcare professional. Of course, this was probably not due to any conscious stereotypes my friends had and more likely the impact of the media they consumed. Even I as a child did not realize that this might be affected by my race. Nevertheless, it was obvious that my race persisted as a common determinant for what role I had when playing. Additionally, when playing, I was often taught that sharing and playing as group/team was more favorable that playing for your own advantage; one had to find a way to play that satisfied everyone and could not place their individual self over the community. If a few children did not want to play a game that I really wanted to play, then I would usually defer to playing something else instead. As I reflect, I feel as if this was simply a reflection collectivist values that many Asian households or families pass down to their children.

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I grew up as middle class. My dad was a dialysis nurse, while my mom was a stay at home mom, so we only had one source of income. Additionally, I also have many siblings, so new toys were not bought frequently as a way to save money for bills and food. Often times, this meant that I didn't always get the flashy or popular toys that every kid grew up wanting. I remember I desperately wanted a Leap Frog tablet, but my parents couldn't buy one for me in order to save money. Though I understand now why this was done, as a child I felt angry and isolated because my friends often had the new fancy toys and would play together. And with technology greatly increasing in development as I grew up, I didn't get to really grow up using an iPad or have a phone at a young age to play games on because of how costly they were. While some kids had phones in elementary school already, I didn't get an actual phone until middle school (and it didn't even have internet!). As an offset to this, my parents greatly encouraged playing through creating and exploring. My mom often would do arts and crafts activities with me, such as decorating cans to turn them into practical house hold items. My parents also encouraged reading for me from a very young age, especially because a library card was free. Thus, I was able to play and explore by reading about various adventures in the world around me.

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Because my parents grew up in the Philippines, they passed down many of the things they did and learned to their children.  Part of this were the games they played as children. Because many in the Philippines, including my parents, live in rural areas, part of the culture was playing many games involving use of the natural resources around them. This included things like long sticks or rocks. Additionally, they would often use easily found things, like tin cans or flip flops, instead of flashy mechanical toys. My parents taught us to play games using these materials as well. For example, children in the Philippines usually play this game called tumbang preso where they try to knock over a can with a spare slipper from a certain distance while someone guards the can and tries to tag them. Another game was trying to see how high you can jump by jumping over the stacked hands of children. These games were so simple, but they were fun to play as a child, and it also taught me that playing wasn't something that needed to be done in such an extravagant way.

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I grew up in the Rio Grande Valley, which is primarily comprised of Hispanic and Latino communities. Because of this, a lot of the games that I played at school, friends' houses, or birthday parties were influenced by Hispanic and Latino culture. For example, when we would have fun days at school, many of the teachers would have the class play Loteria. At parties, it was common for my friends to have piñatas that we would take turns excitedly hitting. I feel as if this gave me a lot of insight into other cultures, like their practices, values, and beliefs. Moreover, the public schools at the Rio Grande Valley didn't have a lot of funding, especially the one that I went to for elementary. Because of this, the playgrounds at our school were not the best. This meant that me and my friends often played other games, such as role-playing games or with games involving nature. The Valley also was not a city that was walkable or one where people could bike to get everywhere; you needed a car to get to almost every single place. Thus, going to community parks was not something that could be done on a whim or on a daily basis. This forced us to make use of what we had at home. In a way, this pushed me to become more resourceful.

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I identify as queer but did not realize that being attracted to the same gender was not seen as natural when I was younger. Because I was not aware of the constructs of heterosexuality within our society as a child, I didn't think much of it when I felt myself like girls. This was reflected through how I played with my dolls and stuffed animals. Because it was something that was normal for me, I would often have my girl dolls and stuffed toys marry each other. When I would draw for fun, I would sometimes depict two girls holding hands. I didn't have a problem pretending to be a mom with my friends when we would pretend to be moms of a child. Thus, my sexuality was very early on present through how I played. It wasn't until I started receiving comments about how it should be a boy and girl doll marrying each other, or that a child should have a mom and a dad, that I found myself doubting myself and started to see that what I thought to be true was not for other people. Though I realize now that it was not unnatural as some people tried to convince me, it did have a massive effect on me as a child.

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I feel that I did not have that much agency in the classroom. Typically, we focused on following a strict lesson plan and did not have the ability to make decisions about certain things like what topic we wanted to discuss, how we wanted to complete an assignment, and more. Though I adored my teachers and found them to be educators I will always appreciate, I do acknowledge that many of their actions didn't allow us to have a lot of agency and become explorers on our own terms. There were many times where, rather than guide us or allow us to expand our capabilities, they would intervene or try to discipline me and my peers into staying still and being silent. I remember one time I got in trouble for staying behind in the field when recess ended because I wanted to help my friend who had fallen into a part of the field where there were stickers. Though I was just trying to help and did not want to leave my friend behind, the coach reprimanded me because I had not followed the call to go back into the classroom right away. Additionally, in my daily life, I feel I also did not have that much agency. There were lots of things I was restricted from doing because my parents thought they were not good for me because they weren't productive, or they thought it was too much for me to handle. Thus, instead of letting me explore what I was interested in (to a reasonable extent), I was constrained into following certain guidelines (though I do recognize that they were placed upon me with good intentions).

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Racism and white supremacy were very significant parts of my life growing up. When I was young, my parents grew concerned about my success in school, not only academically but socially, because of how I was frequently the only Asian in the schools I attended. I remember many of my peers being wary of approaching me because of how different I was and making back handed comments about my culture whenever I tried to share it with them. Whenever we would play games, I would frequently either be the doctor or a doll that they had to fix to make beautiful; in other words, I never got to play the warrior or sometimes I would just be completely isolated. I also remember some of my classmates laughing at me on picture day because my skin was darker than theirs. It had a profound effect on me, but my parents always tried to ensure me that our race, culture, and skin color, were beautiful. However, white supremacy nevertheless became very significant as it caused for me to eventually believe that being white was what was considered the most beautiful. This was especially enforced because of how much of the media I consumed as a kid only had white protagonists. As a child, I would be embarrassed when I turned out darker than some of my friends in photos and began to feel ashamed of my race. Now that I have grown up, I realize that none of that was true; I shouldn’t have felt ashamed about my race and my skin color, and the reason that I felt that way was because of how much racism and white supremacy had affected me. Now, I am happy to say I am proud of who I am, what I look like, and where I come from.

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Week 6 - Impact of Gender and Sexism on Young Children's Play

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Week 6 - Impact of Gender and Sexism on Young Children's Play

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1. What were/are your favorite toys to play with?

2. How was your culture related to how you played?

3. If you were to have bought yourself any toy that you wanted, which would it be? Why?

4. Did you ever like to play with toys that were of the opposite gender? If you couldn’t, would you have? Why or why not?
5. Did you ever have agency when you played? (

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Week 7 - Impact of Monolingualism on Play

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Week 7 - Impact of Monolingualism on Play

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The acceptation of monolingualism over multilingualism has bred disillusion, prejudice, and trauma for multilingual speakers, especially for young children. By placing importance on primarily English rather than accepting and celebrating the use of other languages, we not only uphold Eurocentrism, but we help perpetuate the systems that help discriminate on other intersectional identities, such as race, ethnicity, and more. Through this, we also showcase to children that their culture is not important, since language is such a core part of culture. This causes for children to often disconnect from their culture and assimilate to what those outside of their culture deem "superior". By forcing children to speak a primary language and abandon their native language, as well as deciding who they are and what they can do based off of what language they speak, we strip them of any agency they have over self-expression and forging their own identity. As a child of immigrants, I grew up speaking mainly Tagalog. However, when I went to school, I was bombarded with English and was forced to abandon speaking Tagalog by only learning English in order to be able to keep up with lessons. At home, we began speaking English to help me learn, which caused me to almost completely lose my fluency in Tagalog. The education system did nothing to help me maintain my native language, and interestingly enough did not have any special interventions to help further foster me learning English. Instead, I was left to fend for myself and had to take a test every year to prove that I was speaking English well enough. Children around the country who speak multiple languages go through situations like this, or worse. As teachers, it is our duty to help children not only be able to receive the help they need when learning English as a second language, but also celebrating the other languages they speak that aren't English and helping maintain their connection with that language. We must also abandon any stereotypes we have about language that forces us to stereotype children and speakers of those languages. Through this, we are able to grant children more agency over who they are and who they can become, as well as foster a more inclusive and equitable environment.

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Week 8 - Impact of Needing Accommodation and Ableism on Play

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Week 8 - Impact of Needing Accommodation and Ableism on Play

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The discussion about ableism really opened my eyes to the effect that ableism has on younger children with disabilities as they play and interact with others in the classroom. Growing up as someone who does not have disabilities, I recognize the privilege I had as a child and even as an adult. I was able to grow up without someone constantly watching over me and assuming I was helpless, and I wasn’t pushed to see myself as unable to succeed or ostracized from others. I also see how important it is to emphasize and integrate lessons to children about how having a disability does not make a person less than their peers; it is simply that they have different capabilities than us and learned how to live their lives differently. When I look to my nephew with ASD and reflect on his experiences, I really see this idea enhanced. The trauma and discouragement he experienced at the hands of society and the schools he attended were because of an ableist structure that does not bother to access resources about disabilities and how we might further accommodate and provide agency to children, and people in general, with disabilities. Because of me not having a disability, I was able to experience different opportunities and more agency than most people with disabilities. I could go outside without my mom watching over me intently, or play the things I wanted to without someone forcing me to conform and play in a “normal” way, or in a way where they are trying to become what society deems “normal”. Because of this, and having learned more from the readings and from other’s experiences, I have reaffirmed that it is imperative we provide resources to teachers and schools to understand people with disabilities and how we might encourage and celebrate them by providing them not only accommodations, but the agency to make their own decisions.

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Week 9 - Cultural and Community Expertise (Equity)

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Week 9 - Cultural and Community Expertise (Equity)

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Culture has played a big role in my life. Though my parents immigrated to the United States, they still ensured that I grew up knowing and living Filipino values and customs. Because of this, the way I acted and the knowledge I had was impacted by what my culture has taught me. My values of family, hard work, and service all translated from the teachings that my elders instilled in me when I grew up. Additionally, there is a lot of intergenerational dependence within Filipino culture; no generation was far removed and everyone supported each other in any way they could. Because of this, I became more accustomed to working within groups and placing importance on the role I had within those groups. This drastically affected me in school because the dominant culture of the West placed importance on individuality, encouraging work to be done on one's own without depending on those around you. In school, I was confused as to why we didn't do many group projects, especially because I loved working with others and being able to talk to them. Thus, sometimes I felt isolated because I had to be on my own and thought I wasn't able to go to anyone whenever I had a question. My drive to work with others also sometimes got me in trouble with teachers because they thought I was disturbing the class when I would try and help someone, or receive help, with the assignment. I remember hearing the phrase, "if you have a question you ask the teacher, not a classmate" a lot. The dominant Western culture often made me feel like I had to hide my culture or be ashamed it. I was often teased or patronized for expressing it because people thought that I just didn't know what was the "right" culture. Because of this, I unfortunately moved away from it for a while in order to fit in. For example, I began to want to break away from being so involved with my family and home life, trying to cultivate my individual self without thinking about how it might affect my family. Because of this, people began to notice that I was "assimilating" and accepted me with no hesitation. I furthered this by disconnecting from the language; I stopped trying to learn and I would get embarrassed when my parents would speak it loudly in public. Thus, the dominant culture pushed me into internalizing shame towards my culture - something I am still actively working to deconstruct. However, my parents persisted being proud of our culture despite the challenges they've experienced. They have actively rejected the dominant Western culture, teaching me to have courage in the face of adversity. Thus, it is because of them that I fully embrace my culture and express it proudly, attempting to repair the connection I had to it.

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Week 11 - Relationships with Earth, Land, and Outdoors

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Week 11 - Relationships with Earth, Land, and Outdoors

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My parents arrived to the South Texas region in 2001, where they gave birth to me and my brother. They immigrated and started a home when the suburbs in the area were just beginning to develop, shifting the rural areas into what would become eventual towns and cities. I had never thought about how the land we lived on was drastically tied to some of the native tribes that lived within that region. In middle school and high school, we learned about the Southern native tribes, such as the Apache and the Coahuiltecan tribes, but not much about their displacement, ties with the land, and how they were eventually stripped of it. However, as I have gotten older, I have done more research and become more aware of how many Indigenous peoples were forcefully and violently removed from their homes. At home, there are hardly any exhibitions or public acknowledgements that recognize these Indigenous peoples and their histories within the lands I have grown up in. Thus, me and many others didn't have any strong ties to any of the descendants of these Indigenous peoples. Hearing about Dr. Wallace talk about how these lands have such a complex history filled with discrimination and violence, as well as Dr. Odim's points about recognizing that these are stolen lands from Indigenous peoples, it really made me reflect upon how this translated to where I grew up in. I began to notice that in my home, too, many of the green spaces and recreational centers were not in the areas where many low-income individuals lived. Rarely would you find schools taking fields trips there, or children being able to explore the outside environment. Because of this, many of these children were not able to form meaningful relationships with the outside environment, as well as were unable to express their agency and learn from the outdoors. Thus, I now see how impactful relationships with land, Earth, and the outdoors, as well as who can access it, can be. Additionally, I remember in my elementary school when we had recess, our playground weren't very expansive and didn't involve a lot of exploration or risk, especially since my school didn't have a lot of resources since we were in a low income area. Sometimes, we were even barred from playing outside and being able to explore, thus not being able to express our agency and develop relationships with the outside in order to experience adventure, as a way of discipline and punishment. However, playing outside and exploring through many different ways, such as going on hikes, talking walks around neighborhoods, or even playing tag, has allowed me to develop a profound appreciation for the environment, nature, and the world we live in. Additionally, it has allowed me to be active and cultivated curiosity. Through this, I realize that access to the outdoors and being able to have challenging and safe environments to play in are an important aspect of play that must be provided for all children.

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Because my parents grew up with their play heavily focused on being outside and using nature, they were understandably restrictive on my device use. For a long time when I was young (around early elementary school age), they never bought me a tablet to use until late elementary school. The only piece of technology that we had was an old desktop Dell computer and our TVs. We were never allowed to use the Dell computer to go onto the internet, so my parents never allowed us to play things like Club Penguin or Poptropica; instead we were only allowed to play around in the Photo Booth app. But even through using the Photo Booth app, we were able to use our agency and creativity because me and my younger brother loved to create movies of us using the different Photo Booth filters. We would play and sing in front of the camera and excitedly show our parents later. As for the TV, we only had a chance to watch for at most 2 hours, and we could only watch on the weekends when we did not have school (same for the computer). At school, we only had a computer lab and the occasional use of TVs and projectors to watch a movie or see what the teacher was writing. During our computer lab schedule, we were not allowed to access the internet and only played educational games or watched educational videos. This also lasted for about 45 minutes to one hour. Before we got tablets, me and my brother also would sometimes steal my mom and dad's phone to do the same thing we would do with the computer Photo Booth (there's actually this really embarrassing video of me singing with a guitar on my mom's old phone). When we got tablets, me and my brother were around 4th/5th grade. Because we were still young, my parents again would reinforce the rule of only being allowed to use our tablets for 1-2 hours only on the weekends. After that, we would have to give the tablet to them to ensure we would not use it. Later on, I got my first phone in middle school, solely for the purpose of calling my parents for pick-up and letting them know if I needed anything - essentially, for emergencies. Thus, it did not have any internet or minutes, and texting was 25 cents per text. Additionally, I'd have to give it to them after school. As I grew older, and the technology I had access to at school and in my personal life grew more advanced and more necessary to my school life, I began to use it more often. My parents also began to become more lenient with how and when I was able to use my technology. Especially during COVID, my laptop was my number one friend as I did all my assignments and attended many classes through my laptop. I was able to keep my phone after school, which soon became an iPhone 6, to talk to friends about assignments and access any resources I needed for homework. However, my parents still placed restrictions on my use as they made us turn in our phones at a certain time at night to ensure we weren't on our phones all night. Now, it feels that it's hard to go through school without my technology. Everything I need academic wise is on my laptop, and my phone acts as a way to access my social life. Additionally, living so far away from home, my phone is the only way I have to connect with my family. Thus, from when I used to use technology for only 3 hours each week, I now use it for almost all of my day. It's become something I've become dependent on for almost all access of my life. As it evolves more and more, I feel like technology's role in my life, and the lives of many others, has become more centralized and a basic necessity rather than an amenity, like how I used to think of technology. Because of this, I do try to make an effort of going outside more to spend time with nature without technology so that I do not forget about the beautiful world that lives outside of my screen.

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Week 13 - Experiencing Trauma as a Young Child

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Week 13 - Experiencing Trauma as a Young Child

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I have done my interview and then have started creating my product. My product is going to be a website that provides resources for teachers that allow them to find ways to diversify their curriculum and classroom libraries. Through this, they can combat the subtle signals of white supremacy and learn about different aspects of history that are not typically taught. I also will provide some accessible, free resources or websites that would provide teachers with this information since many might not have access to academia. I plan to submit my product to be posted on ElevateTXed, which is an organization that connects all the UT schools and their education programs. It is also an organization that focuses on helping teachers in Texas with different resources and trainings.