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The relationship that Marilyn had with her daughter, Lydia, was an interesting one, as much as it seemed like a heartfelt and lovely mother-daughter relationship, there was a lot of pressure that came from Marilyn's end. As much as Marilyn doesn't want to believe it, I would consider her "pressuring" to shape Lydia's life one of the causes of Lydia's death. With all that hard work to reach her dream as a doctor, in the end Marilyn had to put that all aside to settle in as a housewife and to take care of her kids. Many parents raise their kids to be an ideal version of themselves, many parents tend to forget that their kids too have their own aspirations and lives to fulfil, not to carry out some crushed dream their parents once had. Lydia could be considered to be a people pleaser, as she always did what her mother would ask of her, making Marilyn believe that everything was alright. Whatever she would request, Lydia would take action, whatever she would say, Lydia would agree. Since there was "nothing wrong" with her daughter, Marilyn never thought there was a problem. Lydia seeming to be happy would be a cause on why her mother figured that Lydia was actually doing okay, forming a sense of belief within her to think this is how you can get your child to do something, after all that's how she was raised.

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The relationship Marilyn has with her mother affects her in developing her current mindset. Her mother would be considered "old school," after all, the story takes place in the time where gender norms were still huge. Marilyn has always heard of take care of yourself for a man, look good for a man, depend on a man but never once do something for yourself as a woman. Even after achieving a spot at Radcliffe where Marilyn wished to further pursue her education into the medical field, the first thing that her mother presented was being able to meet Harvard men.
Being old school also meant that her mother might not have been too perked up about interracial couples, resulting her in not being happy with Marilyn’s choice of man. (For as long as she wanted Marilyn to be with a man, she sure wasn’t happy with James…) Her mother's words about James never made Marilyn change her mind about him as she married and settled in with him. However, as the story goes on Marilyn remembers the comments that her mother had made, and even if she never acted on those thoughts, leaving him for another man, she has thought about it, and that many of the unfortunate events that happened in the story were results of her marrying James.

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Marilyn’s dream was to become a doctor, successful with her own hard work. Maybe she would have wanted to settle into a family after she got a job. Things didn't go as she planned, she would be having a wedding instead of attending medical school, which isn’t as terrible as it sounds but considering that she has always wanted to work in the medical field was a bit unfortunate. She also found out she was pregnant, and before she knew it she would be taking care of her children, her husband and would be taking care of the house instead of living her dream as a doctor. It wasn’t like she never wanted those things, it was more that she would rather get herself first settled.
Until the baby is a little older and doesn’t require much attention from her as a mother, a woman cannot simply just heavily focus on other things. Of course, she can indulge in things on the side but until the child is of a certain age, the main priority of another should be her baby. Marilyn’s main priority had always been her education, her dream - to get into medical school. Now that she had found out she was pregnant, she would have to get married to James -the father of that child - and quite literally abandon the hopes she once held. Fortunately, that would be until the baby is a little older where she could continue on. As much as there was always that possibility, she was a little upset she ended up becoming the typical woman of her age, again, it is not a bad thing but Marilyn wanted to be so much more than that. Marilyn only ever thought of entering medical school to become a doctor, never once had she thought about settling in with a child because of how she believed she could first support herself. Having kids to take care of made Marilyn think she was just like every other woman, which is why she wants to stand out so much, being a doctor as a woman would grant her that.

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It was a very exciting moment in her life. After all the hardwork Marilyn had put into her education, she won a scholarship to enter a branch of Harvad - Radcliffe. Her mother was also quite proud of her, but something that may have killed Marylin’s mood was when her mother was happy that she would meet Harvard men. Marilyn has always wanted to succeed on her own terms, as back in her chemistry class where she refused to accept the help of her fellow male classmates because she could prove she could do things herself. As much as Marylin was bothered by her mother’s comment about men, she ended up dating a man, and became a housewife, resulting in her not being able to move forward with her dream as a doctor.
Being a doctor meant that you could support yourself, there’s the ability to make a lot of money while helping others. Getting into Radcliffe was an achievement, because that meant she was a step closer into the field of medicine. Marilyn’s mother wanted her daughter to meet a lovely man at Harvard, but Marilyn wanted to become successful before she focused on any relationships. She was not able to reach independence as she had fallen in love with a man. Falling in love with another does not mean you’re any weaker, but in Marilyn's case, she ended up getting pregnant. She had developed this mindset where she could not be a self supporting young woman if she had a man, because then her main priority would have to be him. Society around her had shaped Marilyn's thoughts into thinking having a man means you have to depend on them and sell your soul to take care of the family, which is why in later chapters she is seen to be disappointed in her current lifestyle. Even going as far as abandoning her loved ones at home with no say for a few weeks, all just to go further with her education that she had stopped for the sake of taking care of her family.

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Marilyn noticed her fellow female classmates and how they did in the Keeping House course. She would very much rather take Shop, as it’s more practical and was teaching skills that should be well known, but Marilyn was not allowed despite it not being a disturbance to her schedule. Her advisor said that she would be a distraction to the boys in her class or that the equipment will be hard for her to use, because women are deemed as fragile. She didn’t want to be a stay at home mother or wife,  she wanted to be useful and do her part by contributing what she could so taking a class like this would do her no justice. It was like these classes were preparing all the girls to live a similar lifestyle, a life where she takes care of others.
Her advisor had stated that Marilyn was not allowed to take the course because of how she would have to be an exception and even a distraction. She figured that that wasn’t the case, she would not be allowed in the class because she needed to be in a more feminine class, as keeping house was just preparing women to be stay at home mothers and housewives. When living in a society where women are seen less than men, it is almost certain that everyone will develop the kind of mindset where they think being female means they can't take on “typically male jobs.” To Marilyn however, these statements only made her want to pursue even further with her dreams, she believed she could break that stereotype.

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After some time trying to convince the advisor to let her take physics, Marilyn managed to get into Chemistry. It wasn’t exactly the class she wanted to take but because the advisor did poke fun at the girl for wanting to become a doctor - she should be a nurse or a teacher, something ideally feminine - she was unable to take physics. Marilyn got into the Chemistry class, but she was the only girl in that room. Every boy, including the teacher, offered to do her tasks and if they could help with her experiments in the lab, but she did not want to depend on men to do the things she could do. She ended up showing that she was perfectly capable of doing things on her own as a woman, and that women can be independent. Society shaped Marilyn’s mindset into thinking she cannot live without a man, including her mother who thinks women should be kept under feminine social standards.
If Marilyn had not gone through the experience of being a minority, she would not have to put up a rebellious act when interacting with her male peers. If only she was treated like everyone else would she have felt like there was a place she could belong. She believes that a woman can do what she wants without being ridiculed due to her gender, but society stops her from believing that any further - an example being her male classmates. She is seen as hopeless and in need of saving, but she doesn’t let that devalue her because of being female. Instead, she feels a bit better, that she can prove that she can make it as a girl.

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"Would you say Lydia was a lonely girl? It's obvious, too, that James agrees. But her daughter could not have been so unhappy. Her Lydia, always smiling, always so eager to please? Sure, Mom. I'd love to, Mom. To say she could have done such a thing to herself - no, she had loved them too much for that."

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"It would have been easier if her mother had just used a slur, It would have been easier if she had insulted James outright, if she had said she was too short or too poor or not accomplished enough. But all her mother said, over and over,  was, 'It's not right, Marilyn. It's not right.' Leaving it unnamed, hanging on the air between them.

Marilyn pretended not to hear and took her lipstick from her purse.
'You'll change your mind,' her mother said. 'You'll regret it later.'

-

'Think about your children,' she said. 'Where will you live? You won't fit in anywhere. You'll be sorry for the rest of your life."

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"So instead of Harvard, an offer at last from humble Middlewood College, accepted with relief. Instead of Boston, small town Ohio. Instead of medical school, a wedding. Nothing quite as planned."

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“ ‘How proud I am of you. You have no idea.’ And then, when she loosened her arms, looked into Marilyn’s face and tucked her hair behind her ears and said, “You know, you’ll meet a lot of wonderful Harvard men.’

It would bother Marilyn, for the rest of her life, that her mother had been right.”

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" 'I'm sorry,' he said. 'We can't make an exception for anyone, or everyone will expect it.' At the look on Marilyn's face, he reached across the desk and patted her hand. 'Some of the equipment in the shop would be difficult for you to use,' he told her. 'And to be honest, Miss Walker, having a girl like you in the classroom would be very distracting to the boys in the class.' He meant it as  a compliment, she knew. But she also knew that it wasn't."

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" 'When she arrived at the laboratory, though she found herself the only girl in a room of fifteen men. The instructor tut-tutted and said, "Miss Walker, you'd better tie up those golden locks.' 'Can I light the burner for you?' someone else would say. "Let me open that jar for you.' When she broke a beaker, the second day of class, three men rushed to her side. 'Careful,' they said. 'Better let us help.' Everything, she soon realized, started with better: 'Better let me pour that acid for you.' 'Better stand back - this will make a pop.' By the third day of class, she decided to show them. She said no, thank you, when people offered to make her pipettes, then hid a grin as they watched her melt glass tubes over the Bunsen burner and stretch them, like taffy, into perfectly tapered droppers. "

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Marilyn - what factors shape our values and beliefs?

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Marilyn - what factors shape our values and beliefs?