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Many years ago a friend told me her practice when she gets out of bed each morning. She says when she puts her first foot on the ground, she says the word, "thank." When she puts her second foot on the ground, she says the word, "you." I have adopted this gratitude habit since hearing my friend's message. "Thank You" are two powerful words in the habit of practicing of gratitude.

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For the better part of the last 7 years, I've been fortunate enough to be a coach for school leaders. The coaching relationship is something I am always grateful for, but to be honest, I have become increasingly concerned by the number of times I have heard leaders engage in self-judgment. Just in the past week I’ve heard leader say, “I failed,” or “I made a mistake on that document and would love to go back and change it all,” or “I just don’t feel like I’m doing a good job.” However, when I ask them about the actions they are taking, I can tell that they are using strategies, working with people through an empathy lens, and doing their best to support people through challenging times.

What does this have to do with gratitude? I feel an aspect of my coaching that I need to tap into more often is that of highlighting when a leader engages in self-judgment and help them see what they consider a mistake or failure, as a moment where they grew as a leader. Every time a leader or teachers engages in self-judgement, they chip away at their own self-efficacy.

Part of coaching is to help teachers and leaders see the actions they are engaging in and practice gratitude for that hard work, at the same time we help them find their next steps. Teaching and leading is hard, but it’s even harder when we only see what they are not doing and ignore all of those things they are doing.

If you’re a coach:

Call out (politely) when you hear someone engage in self-judgment.

Reframe the conversation to talk about what they learned in the experience.

Ask them how they can move forward differently.

If you’re a teacher or leader:

Be a witness to your inner critic.

Be kinder to yourself.

Take moments to focus on those actions that are having impact and be grateful for those actions you are taking.

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I was at a conference last year and the presenter recommended spending 2 minutes a day to send a positive text showing gratitude, and to send it to a different person each day. I try to fulfill this and make it a point to reach out to people I don't see or talk with often. It always results in making me feel good, and starts my day off with a smile. :)

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Start and end the day with self-talk - short statements of gratitude - for all that I have - for a fresh start - even for the challenges that make me grow - for the people around me - and for the opportunity to make a difference.

There is a weight lifted in those moments and it makes getting started and getting to sleep a good measure easier.

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As a child, I was aware of my surroundings but what I did not know was that I was surviving trauma. As I have aged and grown through my experiences, I have worked hard to remind myself how far I have come since childhood. One way I have learned to move forward is to take a few minutes every day to be grateful. I am grateful for my job, home, and car but mostly for my children, friendships, and health. I have been blessed by other people who love and care about me. As simple as it sounds, appreciating who I am and all I have accomplished is difficult for me. Intentionally showing gratitude has been an actionable step that I have taken as a leader to continue to grow. Showing gratitude to the staff has also helped in building relationships. I go to staff members in person to discuss how much I appreciate their contributions and my gratitude to be on their team. I am in no way a zen person however I do recognize how important gratitude is in growing as a leader and a human.