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Highly recommended reading ! An urgent and insightful investigation into the collapse in youth mental health, from the influential social psychologist and international bestselling author

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Jonathan Haidt is a modern-day prophet, disguised as a psychologist. In this book, he's back to warn us of the dangers of a phone-based childhood. He points the way forward to a brighter, stronger future for us all
Susan Cain, author of Quiet

An urgent and provocative read on why so many kids are not okay-and how to course correct. . . . even if you're not ready to ban smartphones until high school, this book will challenge you to rethink how we nurture the potential in our kids and prepare them for the world
Adam Grant, author of Think Again

This is a crucial read for parents of children of elementary school age and beyond, who face the rapidly changing landscape of childhood. Haidt lays out problems but also solutions for making a better digital life with kids
Emily Oster, author of Expecting Better

Every single parent needs to stop what they are doing and read this book immediately. Jonathan Haidt is the most important psychologist in the world today, and this is the most important book on the topic that's reshaping your child's life right now
Johann Hari, author of Stolen Focus

If this important book rings enough alarms to make politicians impose a genuine social media ban on children, I believe most parents would be happy and most teenagers happier
The Times, Book of the Week

Compelling, readable - and incredibly chilling . . . a terrifying assessment of the digital carnage . . . remarkably persuasive . . . a clarion-call to parents everywhere
Lucy Denyer, Telegraph

Compelling thesis . . . interweaving distressing analysis alongside practical advice
Ed Smith, New Statesman

Deals seriously with counter-arguments and gaps in the evidence . . . all the suggestions sound sensible. Some even sound fun
Economist

Urgent and essential . . . it ought to become a foundational text for the growing movement to keep smartphones out of schools, and young children off social media
Sophie McBain, Guardian

A game-changer for society . . . The statistics that Haidt offers are jaw-dropping . . . although this book is about young people, it will resonate with many of us . . . I can't recommend this book highly enough; everyone should read it
Irish Independent

I would be amazed if large parts of this book don't ring painfully true . . . Whatever we do, it's time to recognise that there's been a massive shift in human behaviour
Mark Mason, Daily Mail

Forget horror; this is one of the most terrifying books I have read . . . some of the statistics Haidt quotes are truly shocking . . . a persuasive and rousing argument
Anna Davis, Evening Standard

Erudite, engaging, crusading Tracy Dennis-Tiwary, New York Times Book Review

Meghan Cox Gurdon, Wall Street Journal

Beautifully grounds his critique in Buddhist, Taoist and Christian thought traditions . . . his common-sense recommendations for actions...are excellent
Judith Warner, Washington Post

A book of devastating observations . . . his data is startling . . . robust scientific evidence for what we've all come to assume is true . . . it's the sheer scale of harm depicted here that should galvanise us
Simon Ings, Spectator

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The Anxious Generation by Jonathan Haidt

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An urgent and insightful investigation into the collapse in youth mental health, from the influential social psychologist and international bestselling author

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The 5-minute daily playtime ritual that can get your kids to listen better : Life Kit

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Called "special time," the strategy is widely recommended by children's health professionals to help reduce behavioral issues in young children. Here's a guide on how to do it with your kids at home.

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The 5-minute daily playtime ritual that can get your kids to listen better

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The 5-minute daily playtime ritual that can get your kids to listen better

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The 5-minute daily playtime ritual that can get your kids to listen better : Life Kit

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Called "special time," the strategy is widely recommended by children's health professionals to help reduce behavioral issues in young children. Here's a guide on how to do it with your kids at home.

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Beautiful book I highly recommend for parents

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This beautiful, hardcover version of the book has special detailing including copper foiling, spot gloss varnish, bookmark ribbon and quality endpapers.

The perfect gift for someone special or as a keepsake for your own family.

$59.99 AUD

In the spirit of reconciliation we acknowledge the
Traditional Custodians of country throughout Australia
and their connections to land, sea and community.
We pay our respect to their Elders past and present
and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and
Torres Strait Islander peoples today.

© Copyright Spiral Up Parenting 2023. All rights reserved.

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This beautiful, hardcover version of the book has special detailing including copper foiling, spot gloss varnish, bookmark ribbon and quality endpapers. The perfect gift for someone special or as a keepsake for your own family. $59.99 AUD In the spirit of reconciliation we acknowledge the Traditional Custodians of country throughout Australia and their connections to land, sea and community.

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Daniel Goleman

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Daniel Siegal

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Dr Daniel Siegel presenting a Hand Model of the Brain

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by David Gillespie - essential reading before your child reaches teenagehood

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From Australia's most trusted non-fiction researcher and author comes the book that every parent needs to read.

With their labile and rapidly developing brains, adolescents are particularly susceptible to addiction, and addiction leads to anxiety and depression. What few parents will know is that what we think of as the most typical addictions and problematic teen behaviours - smoking, drinking, drug-taking, sex leading to teenage pregnancy - are on the decline.

The bad news is that a whole raft of addictions has taken their place. Whereas once the dopamine-hungry brain of a teenager got its fix from smoking a joint or sculling a Bundy and coke, it is now turning to electronic devices for the pleasure jolt that typically comes from playing online games (if you're a boy) and engaging with social media (if you're a girl).

What is even more troubling is that, unlike drugs, alcohol and cigarettes, electronic devices are not illicit. Quite the contrary. They are liberally distributed by schools and parents, with few restrictions placed on their use.

However, all is not lost. In Teen Brain, David sets out clear, reasonable and effective rules to help you confidently manage your kids' use of screens at this critical point in their lives.

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From Australia's most trusted non-fiction researcher and author comes the book that every parent needs to read. With their labile and rapidly developing brains, adolescents are particularly susceptible to addiction, and addiction leads to anxiety and depression.

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Hugs make us feel good, but how many hugs do you need a day? What are the benefits of hugging and how long and how often should we hug our child? Even though I could hug my kids all day long, let's take a look at what science says.

Let me start by saying, I love to hug my kids. (I lie down with them at night just for a little extra one on one time, too.) But besides just wanting to show affection, there are more benefits to giving someone a hug.

Benefits of Hugging

There are SO many benefits to hugging!

According to Mail Online: " The skin contains a network of tiny, egg-shaped pressure centers called Pacinian corpuscles that can sense touch and which are in contact with the brain through the vagus nerve. The vagus nerve winds its way through the body and is connected to a number of organs, including the heart.
It is also connected to oxytocin receptors. One theory is that stimulation of the vagus triggers an increase in oxytocin, which in turn leads to the cascade of health benefits." Guess what? Even a 10-second hug a day can significantly improve your health.
Shekar Raman, MD told Huff Post: "A hug, pat on the back, and even a friendly handshake are processed by the reward center in the central nervous system, which is why they can have a powerful impact on the human psyche, making us feel happiness and joy... And it doesn't matter if you're the toucher or touchee. The more you connect with others - on even the smallest physical level - the happier you'll be."

How Many Hugs Do You Need A Day?

Neuroeconomist Paul Zak recommends at least eight hugs a day to be happier and enjoy better relationships.

Psychotherapist Virginia Satir said: "We need 4 hugs a day for survival. We need 8 hugs a day for maintenance. We need 12 hugs a day for growth."

How Long Should I Be Hugging my Child?

Science says to hug your child for 15 seconds at a time. Or more!

According to Mercola.com: " A 20-second hug, along with 10 minutes of hand-holding, also reduces the harmful physical effects of stress, including its impact on your blood pressure and heart rate. This makes sense since hugging is known to lower levels of stress hormones like cortisol. "
75 percent of people said they wanted more hugs from friends & family.
Why not? It even reduces stress. Hugs encourage your body to release oxytocin which is released by the pituitary gland to help you handle stress.

Oftentimes, when I hug them, I remind them that "hugging is good for you and it makes us happy." Then I always ask... "Can I hold you just a little longer?" And they always say yes. ♥

Today, starting now, hug your kids for 15 seconds. Aim for at least four hugs today.

Some great ways to start doing this are always by giving out good morning hugs and good night hugs. Then you have twice a day where you can say "I need a hug". (Trust me - you'll quickly find yourself hugging your kids much much more!!)

You might have a one week old or a 17-year-old... hug them either way. Don't stop just because your kids are older.

Spend time with them every day ... hug them often.

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Benefits of Hugging Your Child: How long & How often

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Hugs make us feel good, but how many hugs do you need a day? What are the benefits of hugging and how long and how often should we hug our child? Even though I could hug my kids all day long, let's take a look at what science says.

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Great article

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Boredom teaches us that life isn't a parade of amusements. More important, it spawns creativity and self-sufficiency.

Credit... Leo Espinosa

Ms. Paul is the editor of the Book Review.

"I'm bored." It's a puny little phrase, yet it has the power to fill parents with a cascade of dread, annoyance and guilt. If someone around here is bored, someone else must have failed to enlighten or enrich or divert. And how can anyone - child or adult - claim boredom when there's so much that can and should be done? Immediately.

But boredom is something to experience rather than hastily swipe away. And not as some kind of cruel Victorian conditioning, recommended because it's awful and toughens you up. Despite the lesson most adults learned growing up - boredom is for boring people - boredom is useful. It's good for you.

If kids don't figure this out early on, they're in for a nasty surprise. School, let's face it, can be dull, and it isn't actually the teacher's job to entertain as well as educate. Life isn't meant to be an endless parade of amusements. "That's right," a mother says to her daughter in Maria Semple's 2012 novel, " Where'd You Go, Bernadette." "You are bored. And I'm going to let you in on a little secret about life. You think it's boring now? Well, it only gets more boring. The sooner you learn it's on you to make life interesting, the better off you'll be."

People used to accept that much of life was boring. Memoirs of pre-21st-century life are rife with tedium. When not idling in drawing rooms, members of the leisured class took long walks and stared at trees. They went motoring and stared at more trees. Those who had to work had it a lot harder. Agricultural and industrial jobs were often mind-numbing; few people were looking to be fulfilled by paid labor. Children could expect those kinds of futures and they got used to the idea from an early age, left unattended with nothing but bookshelves and tree branches, and later, bad afternoon television.

Only a few short decades ago, during the lost age of underparenting, grown-ups thought a certain amount of boredom was appropriate. And children came to appreciate their empty agendas. In an interview with GQ magazine, Lin-Manuel Miranda credited his unattended afternoons with fostering inspiration. "Because there is nothing better to spur creativity than a blank page or an empty bedroom," he said.

Nowadays, subjecting a child to such inactivity is viewed as a dereliction of parental duty. In a much-read story in The Times, " The Relentlessness of Modern Parenting," Claire Cain Miller cited a recent study that found that regardless of class, income or race, parents believed that "children who were bored after school should be enrolled in extracurricular activities, and that parents who were busy should stop their task and draw with their children if asked."

Every spare moment is to be optimized, maximized, driven toward a goal.

When not being uberparented, kids today are left to their own devices - their own digital devices, that is. Parents preparing for a long car ride or airplane trip are like Army officers plotting a complicated land maneuver. Which movies to load onto the iPad? Should we start a new family-friendly podcast? Is this an O.K. time to let the kids play Fortnite until their brains melt into the back seat? What did parents in the '70s do when kids were bored in the way-back? Nothing! They let them breathe in gas fumes. Torture their siblings. And since it wasn't actually for wearing, play with the broken seatbelt.

If you complained about being bored back then, you were really asking for it. "Go outside," you might get, or worse, "Clean your room." Was this fun? No. Was it helpful? Yes.

Because things happen when you're bored. Some of the most boring jobs I've had were also the most creative. Working at an import factory after school, I pasted photos of ugly Peruvian sweaters onto sales sheets. My hands became encrusted with glue as the sweaters blurred into a clumpy sameness. For some reason, everything smelled like molasses. My mind had no choice but to drift into an elaborate fantasy realm. It's when you are bored that stories set in. Checking out groceries at the supermarket, I invented narratives around people's purchases. The man buying eggplant and a six-pack of Bud at 9 p.m.: Which was the must-get item and which the impulse purchase? How did my former fifth-grade teacher feel about my observing her weekly purchase of Nutter Butters?

Once you've truly settled into the anesthetizing effects of boredom, you find yourself en route to discovery. With monotony, small differences begin to emerge, between those trees, those sweaters. This is why so many useful ideas occur in the shower, when you're held captive to a mundane activity. You let your mind wander and follow it where it goes.

Of course, it's not really the boredom itself that's important; it's what we do with it. When you reach your breaking point, boredom teaches you to respond constructively, to make something happen for yourself. But unless we are faced with a steady diet of stultifying boredom, we never learn how.

The idea isn't that you suffer through crushing tedium indefinitely like Neville ("N is for Neville who died of ennui") of " The Gashlycrumb Tinies." It's that you learn how to vanquish it. This may come in several forms: You might turn inward and use the time to think. You might reach for a book. You might imagine your way to a better job. Boredom leads to flights of fancy. But ultimately, to self-discipline. To resourcefulness.

The ability to handle boredom, not surprisingly, is correlated with the ability to focus and to self-regulate. Research has shown that people with attention disorders are particularly prone to boredom. It makes sense that in a hyperstimulating world, what at first seems captivating now feels less so; what was once mildly diverting may now be flat-out dull.

It's especially important that kids get bored - and be allowed to stay bored - when they're young. That it not be considered "a problem" to be avoided or eradicated by the higher-ups, but instead something kids grapple with on their own.

We've stopped training children to do this. Rather than teach them to absorb material that is slower, duller and decidedly two-dimensional, like a lot of worthwhile information is, schools cave in to what they say children expect: fun. Teachers spend more time concocting ways to "engage" students through visuals and "interactive learning" (read: screens, games) tailored to their Candy Crushed attention spans. Kids won't listen to long lectures, goes the argument, so it's on us to serve up learning in easier-to-swallow portions.

But surely teaching children to endure boredom rather than ratcheting up the entertainment will prepare them for a more realistic future, one that doesn't raise false expectations of what work or life itself actually entails. One day, even in a job they otherwise love, our kids may have to spend an entire day answering Friday's leftover email. They may have to check spreadsheets. Or assist robots at a vast internet-ready warehouse.

This sounds boring, you might conclude. It sounds like work, and it sounds like life. Perhaps we should get used to it again, and use it to our benefit. Perhaps in an incessant, up-the-ante world, we could do with a little less excitement.

Pamela Paul is the editor of the Book Review and a co-author of the forthcoming book "How to Raise a Reader."
Follow The New York Times Opinion section on Facebook, Twitter (@NYTopinion) and Instagram.

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Opinion | Let Children Get Bored Again (Published 2019)

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Boredom teaches us that life isn't a parade of amusements. More important, it spawns creativity and self-sufficiency. Ms. Paul is the editor of the Book Review. "I'm bored." It's a puny little phrase, yet it has the power to fill parents with a cascade of dread, annoyance and guilt.

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Article with Georgina Manning and First Five years

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The pressure to keep children busy

Counsellor and psychotherapist Georgina Manning, Director of Wellbeing For Kids, an allied health centre in Melbourne, says there is an increase in children doing more out of school activities now than ever before.

"Parents are running children around from activity to activity and filling every spare moment with extracurricular activities," she says.

"It seems we have a current parenting culture of filling every hour of every day with interesting things for our children. In my work with families, most parents say they feel a pressure to keep up with other families that provide these extra activities and feel like they are not doing the right thing or giving their child the best opportunities if they don't put them in a range of activities."

Georgina also notes the pressure the extracurricular activities is putting on families.

"The pressure on parents to keep their children 'busy' is enormous and it is not working for the parents and not working for the children.

"All it is doing is putting enormous stress on families and families are left exhausted, stressed, anxious and irritable with little time left to just be in the moment or nourish the things that are important."

Georgina says the decrease in free play can also lead to children losing out on valuable life skills and even potentially affect their mental health.

"It is really important that children learn to problem solve for themselves and if adults are hovering over their children every minute of every day, we are disempowering our children, and this has catastrophic consequences on their mental health.

"Children never learn to direct their own lives or think for themselves which erodes the development of self-efficacy."

What is free play?

Georgina explains that free play is play which is not directed by an adult in any way, but where children choose activities or games that interest them.

"This may include adults setting up the tools so kids can be engaged in their own play such as having art materials, Lego, or building materials around for children to investigate and explore."

Free play, she says, is where "the child directs the play and there is no expected outcome from an adult. Examples of free play are playing in the garden, dress ups, singing, making a bug catcher, creating a cubby house, building with Lego, drawing, playing with toys using imagination, exploring the garden, creating a puppet show, role playing, being silly with friends, blowing bubbles, rolling on the grass, jigsaw puzzles, playing with pets etc."

Georgina notes that screen time is definitely not free play and that screen time actually takes valuable time away from free play.

"Research shows that when children are using their imagination or in the state of wonder of their natural environment, just playing for the sake of playing without any expected outcome from an adult, then their brains are refreshed and rested," she says.

"Children need to rest their brains regularly and by taking children from activity to activity, this only stresses children, leaving little time for this vital play time. Not only is this vital for children's mental health and overall wellbeing, but essential for development of social and emotional skills."

Parents can get involved in the play too, says Georgina, as long as they aren't directing the play, but rather playing with their child and letting their child take the lead.

How much free play should kids have?

Georgina says there is no set amount of time parents should ensure their children are dedicating to free play. Instead, she recommends looking at the child's weekly schedule and seeing how much time they really have to play.

"I often get parents of primary aged children to reflect on their child's week and create a visual of the week, putting in school time, homework, after school activities and screen time. Then parents can see clearly what time is left for free play.

"Parents are often really surprised to learn that there is very little time left in the day for their child to just play and to rest their brain.

"For preschoolers, having a mix of social interactions with peers and adult play, mixed in with some extra activities is a great mix for this age group.

"As preschoolers usually have a lot more free time than primary aged children, then it can be more beneficial for children to have a few extracurricular activities, however, these don't necessarily need to be a class or something that costs money.

"Catching up with other families and meeting in the park for a picnic in nature can be an extracurricular activity or going to the local library and listening to story time or choosing books for the week is also a valuable activity.

"If children are in day care then having time each day when they get home to just play without adult direction is vital as well as the parent/child playtime."

Should we ditch extracurricular activities completely?

Georgina says that extracurricular activities can have their benefits.

"I do believe that team sports are very important for children to participate in and this would be one activity I would recommend for children. However, it is vital the focus is on fun, joy, enjoyment and healthy competition rather than the focus on creating sport stars or to be better than other children.

"This takes away the fun for children and the experience to look after each other and the chance to develop empathy. It can also create unnecessary stress for children if they are pushed to always be 'better' and 'win' - this automatically takes the children out of mindfully being in the moment of the activity."

Georgina says that activities can help to teach children valuable life lessons.

"If children are enrolled in an activity, then they need to see the term or year out in that activity to teach children persistence, grit, commitment and to manage difficult emotions. Particularly if children are in team sports, they have a responsibility to others as well."

For children who struggle to make friends or who have become too comfortable spending hours in front of a screen, Georgina recommends that extracurricular activities and playdates can be beneficial for them.

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The importance and benefits of free play

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Counsellor and psychotherapist Georgina Manning, Director of Wellbeing For Kids, an allied health centre in Melbourne, says there is an increase in children doing more out of school activities now than ever before. "Parents are running children around from activity to activity and filling every spare moment with extracurricular activities," she says.

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Addiction to technology is ruining lives

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Addiction to Technology is Ruining Lives - Simon Sinek on Inside Quest

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Babble participates in affiliate commission programs, including with Amazon, which means that we receive a share of revenue from purchases you make from the links on this page.
While most parents may think that learning letters and numbers is the end-all be-all of toddler development, I would beg to differ. Don't get me wrong. Letters and numbers are important, but even more important in my personal opinion, is teaching children emotional awareness. Numbers and letters will come eventually, but the earlier I am able to teach my daughter how to give her feelings a name, the earlier she will be able to communicate her emotional needs. That's a skill that will serve her for the rest of her life.

During my preschool teaching days, I accumulated quite a few favorites when it came to teaching children about emotions. Books are a great teaching tool and it's never too early to start. Here are some great kids books about feelings, and while some may be a little advanced for the youngest toddlers, they are all books that your little one can start looking at now and grow into later.

Books can be the perfect tool for helping our children learn about their emotions. Here are 15 great books for teaching kids about their feelings.

1. Grumpy Bird

A story about a little bird who wakes up on the wrong side of the bed. Luckily he has some friends who are there to help him shake his case of the grumps. Any book with animals is always a surefire way to engage little ones and this is a great book to begin introducing toddlers to the emotion of grumpiness as well as to some ways for coping with the grumps.
Available now on Amazon for $13.69.
2. Taking a Bath with the Dog and Other Things That Make Me Happy

This book tells the story of a little girl who is feeling sad, but by the end of the book she is able to make a pretty great list of things that make her happy and turns her mood around. While it may be advanced for young toddlers, they can still enjoy the illustrations and the visual cues for the emotions of being sad and happy. Definitely a book children can grow into.
Available now on Amazon for $6.99.
3. Glad Monster Sad Monster

This book is a great interactive way to teach your little one about emotions, because the book comes with a variety of monster masks that your child can try on, and each depicts a different emotion. The colors are bright and fun and kids love masks! There is also a Spanish version available as well.
Available now on Amazon for $8.36.
4. On Monday When It Rained

A straightforward book about emotions with simple descriptions and crisp black and white photos that let little ones see a little boy in various states of emotion from happy to scared.
Available now on Amazon for $7.52.
5. Mouse Was Mad

This book shows different ways that we can express anger, from stomping like a bear to being totally still and silent like a mouse. The adorable cast of animal characters will engage your little one and the message is clear.
Available now on Amazon for $6.99.
6. Sometimes I'm Bombaloo

This story is about a little girl named Katie and how she sometimes loses her temper and turns into "Bombaloo." When she is mad, Katie uses hitting instead of words and doesn't feel quite like herself, but more like "Bombaloo." The story shows how a little time away and some love from her mother makes Katie feel better and helps her cope with her frustration. A great book to help talk about temper tantrums with your child.
Available now on Amazon for $6.07.
7. The Way I Feel

A fun and colorful, rhyming book that introduces children to a variety of emotions and their names. Covers a broad range of emotions from pride to thankfulness. This is one of my favorites.
Available now on Amazon for $10.79.
8. When Sophie Gets Angry - Really, Really Angry ...

A great option for talking about the emotions of anger and frustration, particularly those feelings surrounding siblings and sharing.
Available now on Amazon for $6.00.
This book offers a truly unique way to introduce feelings to your toddler via their favorite sense: touch. If your child is anything like mine, they will love getting to "feel" the different emotions throughout this book (i.e. scratchy, fuzzy, etc.) as each emotion is associated with a tactile texture.
Available now on Amazon for $10.57.
10. Baby Faces

This book offers real-life pictures of little ones in different states of expression. Your little one will love examining the faces of the other children and it is a great beginning book for talking about emotions.
Available now on Amazon for $3.56.
11. My Many Colored Days

This book is filled with the wonderful rhymes that we've come to know and love from Dr. Seuss and is a great book that your child can grow into. For earlier development, the book can be used to talk about colors, and later the book can be used to discuss feelings and moods.
Available now on Amazon for $6.45.
12. The Little Mouse, The Red Ripe Strawberry, and The Big Hungry Bear

While this book isn't directly a feelings book, the little mouse in the story goes through a variety of emotions that can be read very clearly on his face. I read this book with my students when I was preschool teacher and it was always a hit and a great book for sparking conversations.
Available now on Amazon for $8.82.
13. The Feelings Book

I love all of Todd Parr's books, because of the way they mix silliness that kids will love with other important information (i.e. "I feel brave" intermixed with statements like, "I feel like having pizza for breakfast"). The illustrations are always fun and bright which kids love.
Available now on Amazon for $6.08.
14. When I Am / Cuando Estoy

A great book for introducing feelings in a bilingual format!
Available now on Amazon for $15.90.
15. Llama Llama Mad at Mama

If your child is a fan of the Llama Llama books like my daughter is, then you'll love this one. Our favorite llama character explores feeling angry at his mama in this great book that most little ones will likely be able to relate to. Apparently parents can be just as frustrating to toddlers as they can be to us at times.
Available now on Amazon for $9.94.

Article Posted 5 years Ago

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Babble participates in affiliate commission programs, including with Amazon, which means that we receive a share of revenue from purchases you make from the links on this page. While most parents may think that learning letters and numbers is the end-all be-all of toddler development, I would beg to differ.

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How are you feeling Picture Book for kids

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How are you feeling Picture Book for kids

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Hardcover Published: 1st September 2014
ISBN: 9781472906090
Number Of Pages: 32
For Ages: 5+ years old

Ships in 7 to 10 business days

A delightful book that parents and children can use as a way of exploring every day emotions and talking about different ways of coping with them.

We all experience emotions and emotions are absolutely fine as long as we know what to do with them. Feelings arrive effortlessly enough but deciding what to do with them when they turn isn't so easy - especially when you are a child. Cue: this book! It provides children with several straightforward, entertaining and appropriate interactive ideas to help them deal with a selection of significant emotions.

A great dip-in book where children can choose a feeling that relates to them and then turn to the page that provides child- friendly strategies for dealing with that feeling. Helpful parent notes at the back of the book provide more ideas for parents to use with their child and other strategies to try out together and practice the all important skill of dealing with feelings.

About the Author

Molly Potter taught for 11 years in middle schools as a class teacher, science and PSHE co-ordinator. She then worked for several years as an SRE (Sex and Relationships Education) Development Manager, delivering teacher training and supporting primary schools in the development of their SRE programme and policy and many other aspects of PSHE. Molly now works as a teacher in a short-stay school with children that have been or are at risk of being excluded from mainstream schools - putting much of her PSHE expertise into practice. She thoroughly enjoys writing and prides herself on being able to spice up any topic however boring it might appear at first!

This book provides the tools children need to be able to deal with such feelings...There are great little explanations... -- Martine Horvath * Early Years Educator magazine *
The book is an excellent way to help children understand and manage their feelings whilst reassuring them that it is quite normal to feel that way. Keep this book handy for all those tricky moments! -- Sarah Brew * www.parentsintouch.co.uk *

ISBN: 9781472906090
ISBN-10: 1472906098
Audience: BCH
For Ages: 5+ years old
Format: Hardcover
Language: English
Number Of Pages: 32
Published: 1st September 2014
Publisher: Bloomsbury Publishing
Country of Publication: GB
Dimensions (cm): 26.0 x 25.4 x 0.8
Weight (kg): 0.4
Edition Number: 1

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Hardcover Published: 1st September 2014 ISBN: 9781472906090 Number Of Pages: 32 For Ages: 5+ years old Ships in 7 to 10 business days A delightful book that parents and children can use as a way of exploring every day emotions and talking about different ways of coping with them.

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Dr. Craig hassed
Great article for teachers and parents

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Free for teachers

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** Best of 2018 Award Winner ** - Apple

** 2017 App of the Year ** - Apple

** Happiest App in the World ** - Center for Humane Technology

Calm is the #1 app for Sleep, Meditation and Relaxation. Join the millions experiencing better sleep, lower stress, and less anxiety with our guided meditations, Sleep Stories, breathing programs, stretching exercises, and relaxing music. Calm is recommended by top psychologists, therapists, and mental health experts.

Calm is the perfect mindfulness app for beginners, but also includes hundreds of programs for intermediate and advanced users. Guided meditation sessions are available in lengths of 3, 5, 10, 15, 20 or 25 minutes so you can choose the perfect length to fit with your schedule.

Sleep Stories are bedtime stories that are guaranteed to lull you into a deep and restful slumber. Calm has 100+ exclusive Sleep Stories for adults and children alike, featuring well-known talent such as Stephen Fry, Matthew McConaughey, Leona Lewis, and Jerome Flynn. Drift off to dreamland and wake up refreshed.

Sleep Stories include:
* Wonder - Join Matthew McConaughey on a dreamy story about the mysteries of the universe.
* Blue Gold - Let master storyteller Stephen Fry take you on a calming journey through the lavender fields and sleepy village of Provence
* The Nordland Night Train - Travel up the scenic coast of Norway aboard one of Europe's most breathtaking and remote railways.
* Happy Little Zzzs with Bob Ross - Drift off to the soothing brush strokes of beloved painter and TV host Bob Ross.
* And many more...

Mindfulness Topics include:
* Deep Sleep
* Calming Anxiety
* Managing Stress
* Focus and Concentration
* Relationships
* Breaking Habits
* Happiness
* Gratitude
* Self-Esteem
* Body Scan
* Loving-Kindness
* Forgiveness
* Non-judgement
* Mindfulness at Work
* Mindful Walking
* Calm Kids
* And so much more...

Also Featuring:
* An original Daily Calm every day: a 10-minute program added daily to help ease you into the day or unwind with before bed
* 7 and 21 day mindfulness programs for both beginner and advanced users
* Calm Masterclass: Life changing audio classes featuring world-renowned experts
* Calm Body: Mindful stretching and movement to relax your body during the day
* Music: Exclusive music engineered to help you focus, relax or sleep
* Soundscapes: Ocean waves, Heavy Rain, Camp Fire, Babbling Brook, and other sounds to help you sleep
* Breathing exercises to help you relax
* Unguided timed meditation
* 30+ soothing nature sounds and scenes to use during meditation, yoga or to help you sleep

Track your progress with:
* Daily Streaks
* Mindful Minutes

Calm saves your meditation and sleep sessions to your Apple Health app.

Subscription pricing and terms:
Calm offers an auto-renewing monthly subscription at $12.99/month and an auto-renewing yearly subscription at $69.99/year to provide you with unlimited access to the Calm Collection while you maintain an active subscription. Calm also offers a Lifetime subscription for $399.99 which is paid for by a one-off upfront payment with unlimited access to the Calm Collection forever.

Payment will be charged to the credit card connected to your iTunes Account when you confirm the initial subscription purchase. Subscriptions automatically renew unless auto-renew is turned off at least 24-hours before the end of the current subscription period. Your account will be charged for renewal within 24-hours prior to the end of the current period, and the cost of the renewal will be identified. You may manage your subscription and auto-renewal may be turned off by going to your Account Settings after the purchase. Any unused portion of a free trial period, if offered, will be forfeited when you purchase a subscription, where applicable.

Read more about our terms and conditions here:
Terms of service: https://www.calm.com/terms
Privacy policy: https://www.calm.com/privacy

Calm is the #1 app for sleep and meditation. Discover a happier, healthier you through our meditations, Sleep Stories, music, and more.

Calm is for anyone, whether you're brand new to meditation or a seasoned expert. It's also for anyone who needs a mental break, a soothing sound, or a peaceful night's rest. Our guided meditations are available in lengths of 3 to 25 minutes, so you can choose the perfect length to fit your schedule.

We offer a new 10-minute Daily Calm every day, Sleep Stories narrated by well-known voices like Matthew McConaughey, a music library with exclusive tracks from top artists like Keith Urban and Disney, short videos with mindful movement and gentle stretching for every body type, Masterclasses taught by world-renowned experts in the field of mindfulness, soundscapes and nature sounds to use during meditation or to help you sleep, breathing exercises to help you relax, and more.

With over 100 million users worldwide, we're having a positive effect on more and more people each day. Take a moment to prioritize yourself today, and enjoy the app.

Editors' Notes

Take a deep breath. That phrase greets you whenever you open Calm. It's both a call to action and a defining feature of the app's approach to meditation: You're going to get through this, and all you need to start is a moment. In the increasingly crowded field of apps for meditation and mindfulness, Calm stands out for its ease of use and attention to (soothing) detail.

Calm great for Early Childhood settings

We use the Calm app each day as part of our Early Childhood setting. We have been listening to the audio stories at rest time for children aged 3 years up. We engage the children by asking them what story the would like to listen to. Over the next 4-6 weeks (4 year olds) we are listening to "The Big Bad Wolf Learns Anger Management". We have been practising deep slow breathing before rest time each day. We follow up with group discussions on what steps to take when our bodies start to feel angry. I ask "how does it feel when you start to get angry? Each child role models how their body tenses in various areas. We talk about walking away and calming down by either drinking some water first then deep breathing or just deep breathing if able. We discuss the fact that people cannot talk or communicate when angry, only when calm. Calms Soundscape and other sleep music have been utilised for babies and toddlers sleep times. As an Educator I have used the masterclasses as professional development and my own self improvement and wellbeing. I highly recommend utilising the Calm app in every Early Childhood setting so as to assist with rest, relaxation and teaching emotional intelligence.

Learning by letting go

I love the Daily Calm 10 minute sessions which I start with every day, then follow up with one of the '7 days of ...' series. The best at the beginning was the 21 days of calm. Also useful were 'self-esteem', 'focus', 'gratitude', 'happiness', 'calming anxiety' and other guided meditations. All can be repeated, as often as you like. Also on offer are various timed and unguided meditations with bells etc as prompts to return to the present moment. I have developed a habit of using the Calm app to do about 30 mins of sitting practice each morning, and keeping notes of my thoughts. Together with reading and networking with new friends from Mindful in May and now Mind Life Project, (Elise Lew, Melbourne, Australia), I have been calmer, happier and more sociable in everyday life. The wise quotes from contemporary Buddhist thinkers are also useful signposts on this new trail.
I have just subscribed to this app for a second year, as a promise to myself to continue this highly beneficial and wonderful practice. Thanks Tamara Levitt for lending your soothing, reassuring voice to the excellent directions in this program. Many thanks, Calm people for this app.
Christina Perrett, Melbourne, Australia

The developer, Calm.com, indicated that the app's privacy practices may include handling of data as described below. For more information, see the developer's privacy policy.

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Privacy practices may vary, for example, based on the features you use or your age. Learn More

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‎** Best of 2018 Award Winner ** - Apple ** 2017 App of the Year ** - Apple ** Happiest App in the World ** - Center for Humane Technology Calm is the #1 app for Sleep, Meditation and Relaxation. Join the millions experiencing better sleep, lower stress, and less anxiety with our guided meditation...

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Excellent app to start your mindfulness practice. for adults and high school students

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Live a happier, healthier life with just a few minutes of meditation a day on the Headspace app.

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Excellent starting point for staff

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Categories:

Popular Psychology

Description

MINDFULNESS reveals a set of simple yet powerful practices that can be incorporated into daily life to help break the cycle of unhappiness, stress, anxiety and mental exhaustion and promote genuine joie de vivre. It's the kind of happiness that gets into your bones. It seeps into everything you do and helps you meet the worst that life can throw at you with new courage. The book is based on Mindfulness-Based Cognitive Therapy (MBCT). MBCT revolves around a straightforward form of mindfulness meditation which takes just a few minutes a day for the full benefits to be revealed. MBCT has been clinically proven to be at least as effective as drugs for depression and it is recommended by the UK's National Institute of Clinical Excellence - in other words, it works. More importantly it also works for people who are not depressed but who are struggling to keep up with the constant demands of the modern world. MINDFULNESS focuses on promoting joy and peace rather than banishing unhappiness. It's precisely focused to help ordinary people boost their happiness and confidence levels whilst also reducing anxiety, stress and irritability.
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Product details

Format CD-Audio

Dimensions 124 x 140 x 10mm | 100g

Publication date 05 May 2011

Publisher Little, Brown Book Group

Imprint Hachette Audio

Publication City/Country London, United Kingdom

Language English

Edition Abridged

Edition Statement Abridged edition

ISBN10 1405509074

ISBN13 9781405509077

Bestsellers rank 76,337

About Professor Mark Williams

Professor Mark Williams is Emeritus Professor of Cliniical Psychology at Oxford University. He co-developed mindfulness-based cognitive therapy (MBCT), is co-author of the international bestseller The Mindful Way Through Depression and author of Cry of Pain: Understanding suicide and the suicidal mind. Dr Danny Penman Ph.D. is the bestselling author of Mindfulness: A practical guide to finding peace in a frantic world, co-written with Professor Mark Williams of Oxford University, and co-author of Mindfulness for Health with Vidyamala Burch. He is a qualified mindfulness teacher who first learned to meditate when he was 16. He is also a feature and comment writer for the Daily Mail, having previously worked for the Independent and the BBC. Danny has hosted mindfulness seminars for directors and senior figures from many leading companies. He is a frequent commentator on mindfulness for the BBC and various national newspapers. Professor Mark Williams is Emeritus Professor of Cliniical Psychology at Oxford University. He co-developed mindfulness-based cognitive therapy (MBCT), is co-author of the international bestseller The Mindful Way Through Depression and author of Cry of Pain: Understanding suicide and the suicidal mind.
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Mindfulness : Professor Mark Williams : 9781405509077

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We use cookies to give you the best possible experience. By using our website you agree to our use of cookies. Categories: Popular Psychology MINDFULNESS reveals a set of simple yet powerful practices that can be incorporated into daily life to help break the cycle of unhappiness, stress, anxiety and mental exhaustion and promote genuine joie de vivre.

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When it comes to children’s development, parents should worry less about kids’ screen time—and more about their own.

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Fantastic video on harmful effects on screen time

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Fantastic video on harmful effects on screen time

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Victoria Dunckley, MD talks about RESET YOUR CHILD'S BRAIN

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A Four-Week Plan to End Meltdowns, Raise Grades, and Boost Social Skills
by Reversing the Effects of Electronic Screen-Time

Do you have a child struggling with emotional, learning, sensory, or behavioral issues that are so disruptive you're pulling your hair out? Does the littlest thing set them off? Does your child seem "wired and tired"-that is, agitated but exhausted at the same time? Are you trying different treatments and strategies but nothing's working?
What if one simple and free intervention provided dramatic improvement across a broad range symptoms- regardless of diagnosis? Would you be willing to try it for a month, even if it seemed inconvenient or "too hard" at first glance? (Spoiler alert: parents always say the program was much easier than they imagined it to be!)
This is precisely the scenario I present in my new book, Reset Your Child's Brain: A Four Week Plan to End Meltdowns, Raise Grades and Boost Social Skills by Reversing the Effects of Electronic Screen-Time. Increasing numbers of children are being diagnosed with psychiatric disorders such as ADHD, Tourette's, autism, depression and bipolar disorder. Other children have no formal diagnosis, yet seem out of control or stuck in terms of development. At the same time, more and more children are being prescribed "psych meds," requiring special education, or receiving speech or occupational therapy. Disability benefits for mental and neurological disorders now dwarf every other disability category. What's going on?
As you may have guessed, I firmly believe all of these trends are linked to the daily barrage of stimulating screen-time on the sensitive nervous system of growing children. But before you let any feelings of doubt or overwhelm deter you, read on. Understanding the scientific rationale first will help you be open to what I propose.

Page Contents:

Why Screen-time Wreaks Havoc on the Nervous System
Benefits of the Reset Program
Too Much Tech in the Classroom
Testimonials and Praise for Reset Your Child's Brain

Why Interactive Screen-time Wreaks Havoc on the Nervous System
Because electronic screen media is unnaturally intense in terms of sensory, cognitive, and psychological input-designed to keep the user engaged-it tends to overstimulate nervous system. The brain interprets all this stimulating input as a form of stress. This in turn triggers fight-or-flight reactions and a high state of arousal, making it difficult to wind down and sleep deeply.
Each time a child picks up a screen device, not one but many changes occur in the brain that lead to overstimulation and hyperarousal. Reward pathways are strongly activated which eventually become desensitized. Large amounts of dopamine are released. Blue-toned light (inherent to screens) desynchonizes the body clock and suppresses melatonin, the sleep signal. Vivid colors and rapid changes in movement or page loads overwhelm the visual system. Enormous amounts of information are taken in and processed, draining mental reserves and fracturing attention. Media multi-tasking and interactivity raise arousal and stress levels. Manmade radiation from both the device and from wireless communications perturb brain waves.

Over time, these changes lead to chronic stress, resulting in blood flow shifting from the more developed part of the brain (frontal lobe) to the more primitive parts of the brain. Because the frontal lobe governs emotional regulation, attention, creativity, and social behavior, any of these areas can become impaired. Chronic stress also raises cortisol levels, which complicates frontal lobe functioning even further. High cortisol impairs the hippocampus (needed for memory), disturbs sleep, and eventually causes atrophy (shrinkage) of the brain. (It also causes weight gain and high blood sugar.)

When the changes become significant enough to impact frontal lobe functioning-or in other words how the child feels, thinks, behaves, or socializes-on a day-to-day basis, this is what I call Electronic Screen Syndrome (ESS).

Because of the impact on the frontal lobe and other parts of the brain and body, Electronic Screen Syndrome can mimic or exacerbate virtually any psychiatric disorder. This phenomenon has lead to rampant misdiagnosis, inappropriate use of medication, and misuse of mental health and education resources. Medications, in turn, often have their own host of both short and long term side effects. Children who are aggressive are often medicated, because of safety issues. Children with attention issues are also often medicated, because they're failing in school. You can see how misdiagnosis is not a road you want to go down with your child! Sometimes medications are needed and helpful, but should always be minimized.

Contrary to popular belief, these dysregulating effects are much more potent with interactive screen-time, or the kind inherent to activities like gaming, internet use, texting, social media, iPad use, and so on. As such, even so-called "educational" screen-time causes overstimulation, which is a major reason why so many kids are having problems; parents mistakenly believe that educational video games and apps are harmless. And once the nervous system is "revved up," that state tends to self-perpetuate. Thus, simply moderating screen use often fails.

You can see that there are a lot of myths and misconceptions surrounding screen-time. The confusion occurs because various powerful industries have "skin in the game" and constantly reinforce these false beliefs, so we must educate ourselves. To do so, we must look at not just the research (in part because a lot of the research is produced by the industries themselves), but at what we know about how the brain works and what it needs to be healthy, what it needs to develop properly.
Over the past decade, I've prescribed the Reset Program-a strict and extended "electronic fast"-for more than 500 children, teens, and young adults who'd failed to respond to conventional treatment alone. Offered in my free email course and now in much greater detail here in this book, you'll learn the science behind of how electronics use causes the nervous system to malfunction, how that malfunction translates into different symptoms in different children, and why the Reset yields such powerful benefits in terms of mood, focus, behavior, and sleep. The book provides dozens of case studies and is packed with advice about support, school-related screen-time, protective measures, and house rules during and after the fast.
Whether your child has ADHD, autism, bipolar disorder, learning difficulties, or no diagnosis at all but is struggling for seemingly no reason, this program can help your child get back on track.
Benefits of the Reset Program:

Physiological benefits:

Resynchronizes the body clock

Normalizes hormones, including stress hormones, growth hormone, and melatonin (the sleep signal)

Redirects blood flow from primitive to more developed areas of the brain (e.g. the frontal lobe)

Enhances deep, restorative sleep

Rebalances brain chemistry, including dopamine

Reduces electrical '"excitability" of brain cells

Relieves overstimulated reward (addiction) and sensory pathways

Symptom and functional benefits:

Strengthens mood regulation and stress tolerance

Improves executive function (focus, organization, following directions)

Establishes baseline for screentime tolerability

Increases capacity for eye contact, reciprocal conversation, and empathy

Allows other treatments to work as they should

Clarifies diagnosis for mental, physical, behavioral, and learning issues

Decreases overall stress, arguing and constant negotiating in the home

These are just some of the benefits. Click the video below to hear more about the impact of screen-time:

Ready to buy or want to read inside the book? Click on your favorite retailer below:

Too Much Tech in the Classroom
Did you know that light-at-night from using the computer for homework is bad for kids' health? That it disrupts the body clock and is associated with depression and even suicidality? That WiFi may disrupt the blood-brain barrier in children with vulnerabilities-particularly those with autism? That introducing computers into schools is associated with lower reading and math scores?
What's more, research suggests that taking notes on paper is superior to laptop notetaking in terms of recall and exam performance, that children take longer to learn something from a screen, and that reading from screens impairs literacy development, comprehension, speed, and "deep reading" (linking material to what's already known). Combine this with the fact that screen-time fractures attention, depletes mental reserves, and is often associated with brain-draining media multi-tasking and less movement, and the argument for restricting screens for children and teens becomes quite robust. These are but a few of the concerns stemming from the growing trend of screen-based learning and homework.

Although Reset Your Child's Brain contains an entire chapter on issues related to school, I want to provide readers with printable Fact Sheets, templates for accommodations request, and research summaries for particular issues (e.g. screen-time and attention). This content is still being created, so please sign up for updates. I also welcome suggestions and feedback for what worked when requesting such accomodations... and what didn't!

______

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Do you have a child struggling with emotional, learning, sensory, or behavioral issues that are so disruptive you're pulling your hair out? Does the littlest thing set them off? Does your child seem "wired and tired"-that is, agitated but exhausted at the same time? Are you trying different treatments and strategies but nothing's working?

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CBS Local - For many, smartphones have become more important to their daily lives than their own keys or wallet. A new study on how the cellphone obsession is affecting parents claims that smartphones are preventing mothers and fathers from connecting with their children.
The Details:
READ MORE: Advocates Working To Document Which New York City Glass Buildings Pose Threats To Unsuspecting Birds

A study claims smartphones distract parents from connecting with their kids

Nearly 500 parents were studied to see how smartphones interfered with their ability to pay attention to their children

Parents using smartphones reported feeling less attentive and disconnected in social settings

Kostadin Kushlev from the University of Virginia says her experiments on how smartphone use affects parenting shows a clear disconnect when the adults are preoccupied with their phone. "As enticing and useful as they might be, smartphones can make spending time with your children feel less meaningful than it would otherwise be," the psychology researcher told PsyPost.

Kushlev and Elizabeth Dunn from the University of British Columbia observed 200 parents and their children during a trip to a Canadian museum. Parents who were asked to use their smartphones as much as possible during the trip reported feeling less attentive and socially connected at the museum.

READ MORE: Duracell, American Academy Of Pediatrics Launch Campaign Warning Parents About Danger Of Lithium Batteries

The researchers also studied the daily diaries of 292 parents who were asked to record their smartphone usage for a week. The parents reportedly admitted to feeling less connected with their children while using a mobile device and believed it undermined the attention they gave their kids.

"We found much larger negative effects in the context of a fun experience-spending time with your children at a science museum-than in parents' daily life," Kushlev added.

MORE NEWS: AIDS Walk: Combination Of Drugs Has Turned Deadly Disease Into Treatable, Chronic Condition

The study, published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, added that there was a connection between how fun a certain activity with their children was and how tempted the parents were to go back to their phones. The more "rewarding" the outside environment was, the more likely parents were to keep their smartphone in their pocket.

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Smartphones Distract Parents From Connecting With Kids, Study Says

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CBS Local - For many, smartphones have become more important to their daily lives than their own keys or wallet. A new study on how the cellphone obsession is affecting parents claims that smartphones are preventing mothers and fathers from connecting with their children.

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.readable_text
CBS Local - For many, smartphones have become more important to their daily lives than their own keys or wallet. A new study on how the cellphone obsession is affecting parents claims that smartphones are preventing mothers and fathers from connecting with their children.
The Details:
READ MORE: Advocates Working To Document Which New York City Glass Buildings Pose Threats To Unsuspecting Birds

A study claims smartphones distract parents from connecting with their kids

Nearly 500 parents were studied to see how smartphones interfered with their ability to pay attention to their children

Parents using smartphones reported feeling less attentive and disconnected in social settings

Kostadin Kushlev from the University of Virginia says her experiments on how smartphone use affects parenting shows a clear disconnect when the adults are preoccupied with their phone. "As enticing and useful as they might be, smartphones can make spending time with your children feel less meaningful than it would otherwise be," the psychology researcher told PsyPost.

Kushlev and Elizabeth Dunn from the University of British Columbia observed 200 parents and their children during a trip to a Canadian museum. Parents who were asked to use their smartphones as much as possible during the trip reported feeling less attentive and socially connected at the museum.

READ MORE: Duracell, American Academy Of Pediatrics Launch Campaign Warning Parents About Danger Of Lithium Batteries

The researchers also studied the daily diaries of 292 parents who were asked to record their smartphone usage for a week. The parents reportedly admitted to feeling less connected with their children while using a mobile device and believed it undermined the attention they gave their kids.

"We found much larger negative effects in the context of a fun experience-spending time with your children at a science museum-than in parents' daily life," Kushlev added.

MORE NEWS: AIDS Walk: Combination Of Drugs Has Turned Deadly Disease Into Treatable, Chronic Condition

The study, published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, added that there was a connection between how fun a certain activity with their children was and how tempted the parents were to go back to their phones. The more "rewarding" the outside environment was, the more likely parents were to keep their smartphone in their pocket.

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Smartphones Distract Parents From Connecting With Kids, Study Says

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CBS Local - For many, smartphones have become more important to their daily lives than their own keys or wallet. A new study on how the cellphone obsession is affecting parents claims that smartphones are preventing mothers and fathers from connecting with their children.

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Great article to explain the effects on children when parents are on their phone

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It's not just kids who are overdoing screen time. Parents are often just as guilty of spending too much time checking smartphones and e-mail - and the consequences for their children can be troubling.

Dr. Jenny Radesky is a pediatrician specializing in child development. When she worked at a clinic in a high-tech savvy Seattle neighborhood, Radesky started noticing how often parents ignored their kids in favor of a mobile device. She remembers a mother placing her phone in the stroller between herself and the baby. "The baby was making faces and smiling at the mom," Radesky says, "and the mom wasn't picking up any of it; she was just watching a YouTube video."

Radesky was so concerned she decided to study the behavior. After relocating to Boston Medical Center, she and two other researchers spent one summer observing 55 different groups of parents and young children eating at fast food restaurants. Many of the caregivers pulled out a mobile device right away, she says. "They looked at it, scrolled on it and typed for most of the meal, only putting it down intermittently."

This was not a scientific study, Radesky is quick to point out. It was more like anthropological observation, complete with detailed field notes. Forty of the 55 parents used a mobile device during the meal, and many, she says, were more absorbed in the device than in the kids.

Radesky says that's a big mistake, because face-to-face interactions are the primary way children learn. "They learn language, they learn about their own emotions, they learn how to regulate them," she says. "They learn by watching us how to have a conversation, how to read other people's facial expressions. And if that's not happening, children are missing out on important development milestones."

And, perhaps not surprisingly, when Radesky looked at the patterns in what she and the other researchers observed, she found that kids with parents who were most absorbed in their devices were more likely to act out, in an effort to get their parents' attention. She recalls one group of three boys and their father: The father was on his cellphone, and the boys were singing a song repetitively and acting silly. When the boys got too loud, the father looked up from his phone and shouted at them to stop. But that only made the boys sing louder and act sillier.

Psychologist Catherine Steiner-Adair wrote a book about parenting, called The Big Disconnect: Protecting Childhood and Family Relationships in the Digital Age. She sees lots of parents, teens and younger kids in her clinical practice in Massachusetts. The father's reaction to his three silly boys might be expected, she says, because "when you're texting or answering email, the part of your brain that is engaged is the 'to do' part, where there's also a sense of urgency to get the task accomplished, a sense of time pressure. So we're much more irritable when interrupted."

And when parents focus on their digital world first - ahead of their children - there can be deep emotional consequences for the child, Steiner-Adair says. "We are behaving in ways that certainly tell children they don't matter, they're not interesting to us, they're not as compelling as anybody, anything, any ping that may interrupt our time with them," she says.

In research for her book, Steiner-Adair interviewed 1,000 children between the ages of 4 and 18, asking them about their parents' use of mobile devices. The language that came up over and over and over again, she says, was "sad, mad, angry and lonely." One 4-year-old called his dad's smartphone a "stupid phone." Others recalled joyfully throwing their parent's phone into the toilet, putting it in the oven or hiding it. There was one girl who said, "I feel like I'm just boring. I'm boring my dad because he will take any text, any call, anytime - even on the ski lift!"

Steiner-Adair says we don't know exactly how much these mini moments of disconnect between a parent and child affect the child in the long term. But based on the stories she hears, she suggests that parents think twice before picking up a mobile device when they're with their kids.

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For The Children's Sake, Put Down That Smartphone

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It's not just kids who are overdoing screen time. Parents are often just as guilty of spending too much time checking smartphones and e-mail - and the consequences for their children can be troubling. Dr. Jenny Radesky is a pediatrician specializing in child development.

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Great video on the effects of screen time

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Great video on the effects of screen time

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Crazy affects of Screen time on your Brain

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What does your stress look like?

Our bodies and brains are wired to react to high stress situations as a safety net. If our brain perceives a threat, it signals the amygdala, the body's "alarm" system, which tells our body to act without thinking. The amygdala responds to situations with the fight, flight, or freeze response. This is to protect us, but our stress receptors cannot distinguish between real dangers or false dangers. In everyday parenting, our stress response often gets triggered unnecessarily by events that are not actually life threatening. Our bodies are reacting to our kid spilling cereal all over the floor in the same way we would react if we were being chased by a bear.

Depending on your childhood experiences and memories, your stress response may be triggered more easily than another person. When our stress receptors are triggered, we have difficulty thinking clearly and being attentive to people around us. We are unable to be thoughtful in our responses, and have trouble staying focused, and our ability to solve problems is diminished.

Dr. Dan Siegel, a clinical psychologist who studies the brain, explains that during stressful parenting moments we may "lose control" or "flip our lid" and let our emotions control our reactions. When we "fly off the handle," it happens so quickly and we aren't thinking about how our children are perceiving us. Our reactions can be very scary to kids. Also, we are modeling that this is how grown ups react to stress. If we choose to be more mindful by pausing before responding, we can teach kids that they, too, can pause and choose to respond instead of react.

What does mindfulness mean in parenting?

Managing our own emotions and behaviors is the key to teaching kids how to manage theirs. It is the reason airlines tell us to put our oxygen masks on before you can put on your child's mask. You need to be regulated before you can model regulation for your child. Unfortunately, when you're stressed out, exhausted, and overwhelmed, you can't be available for your child.

Mindful parenting does not mean being a "perfect parent" and is not something you can fail at. It is not easy and it takes practice, but like many aspects of parenting, some days are good and some are bad and you can always try again. You may forget to be mindful, but the second you realize you are distracted, it is an opportunity to make a different choice - the choice to be present.

Mindful parenting means that you bring your conscious attention to what's happening, instead of getting hijacked by your emotions. Mindfulness is about letting go of guilt and shame about the past and focusing on right now. It's about accepting whatever is going on, rather than trying to change it or ignore it.

Being a mindful parent means that you pay attention to what you're feeling. It does not mean that you will not get angry or upset. Of course you will feel difficult emotions, but acting on them mindlessly is what compromises our parenting.

Benefits of mindful parenting

You become more aware of your feelings and thoughts

You become more aware and responsive of your child's needs, thoughts, and feelings

You become better at regulating your emotions

You become less critical of yourself and your child

You become better at standing back from situations and avoiding impulsive reactions

Your relationship with your child will improve

How to practice mindful parenting

Think about a situation where you got upset or angry at your child - one where you reacted automatically because that is what most of us do when difficult thoughts, feelings, or judgments arise. In stressful situations when our emotions are easily triggered, it's hard to be the best version of ourselves. You can expect that your child will find those triggers.

In order to make the choice to change your behaviors, you first have to become familiar with your "hot spots" and emotional triggers. Hot spots are certain times of our days when we are more vulnerable and less emotionally available. We may be feeling stressed, tired, overwhelmed or helpless, or we feel preoccupied with work or marriage.

Emotional triggers are feelings or judgments from your own childhood which may arise when your child does a specific action:

Your child behaves in a way that clashes with your beliefs. Example: Your kid throwing food in a restaurant or grabbing all the toys in a store, which makes you feel embarrassed or shameful.

Your child's behavior may evoke a childhood memory and response. Example: Your child not being on the academic level you think they should be and you feeling like you failed as a parent because when you got a bad grade, your parents said it wasn't good enough.

Your child's behavior may evoke a traumatic state or event. Example: If you broke your arm climbing a jungle gym as a kid and you are scared every time your kid goes to the playground.

Your child's behavior activates the lens of fears and desires. Example: if one of my kids wakes up the other kid during the night, no one is sleeping and everyone is crying and I fear I have no adult time and I've completely lost the old me now that I'm a parent.

In order to feel a sense of control over your emotions, you first have to be able to recognize and anticipate what types of situations are likely to trigger hot spots and emotional responses in you.

Kristin Race, Ph.D. and author of Mindful Parenting: Simple and Powerful Solutions for Raising Creative, Engaged, Happy Kids in Today's Hectic World states that there are key factors to mindful parents.

Three key factors to mindful parenting

1. Notice your own feelings when you're in conflict with your child
Think about your most recent argument or a frustrating situation with your child. What feelings are triggered? Are you angry, ashamed, embarrassed? Try to experience your emotion or trigger as a wave - coming and going. Try not to block or stop the emotion. Don't push it away. Don't judge or reject it. Don't try to keep the emotion around. Don't cling to it. Don't make it bigger than it already is. You are not your emotion and you don't have to act on the emotion. Just be there, fully mindful of it. Remind yourself that you don't need to blame yourself or your child for what happened.

Next, try to see the conflict through your child's eyes. If you can't see goodness in your child during a tantrum or argument, think of a time when you felt connected with your child and responded with kindness. Try to remember that version of your child when you are triggered.

As you go throughout your day, make an effort to notice when you start to feel anxious or annoyed. That may be a signal that you are being triggered. Once you figure out your triggers, you can move to the next step.

2. Learn to pause before responding in anger
The most challenging and most important part of mindfulness is being able to find that calm space in the heat of the moment. We practice finding this space by focusing our attention on our body and breath because emotions show themselves as changes in body or breath. When we slow down and focus on our body and breath, there is a physiological change that decreases our reflexive responses and increases the abilities of our prefrontal cortex.

All of this leads to a calmer mind where you can find the space to sit with the emotion. When we are able to pause, we can experience the emotions as sensations in our body without fueling them by focusing on the trigger. In that space, we can remind ourselves to breathe and bring our thoughts back to the present moment, and then choose to respond how we want to and not react because we are out of control.

3. Listen carefully to a child's viewpoint even when disagreeing with it
Your child is going to act like a child! This means they won't always be able to manage their feelings. Kids are still learning how to regulate (actually, so are most adults) and have different priorities than you do. Their behavior will push your button at times, and that is okay.

The problem is when adults begin acting like kids, too. If, instead, we can stay mindful - meaning we notice our emotions and let them pass without acting on them - we model emotional regulation, and our children learn from watching us.

Learning to pause before responding takes practice and our ability to control our emotions changes depending on what's going on each day. That is why self-care is so important. We can't pour out all of ourselves every day and never take the time to fill back up. Many parents feel guilty for taking care of their own needs. That is not selfish - it's necessary. Make yourself a priority, because the better you feel, the better you will be able to manage the frustrations that arise.

It is important to learn how to help yourself and how to meet your emotional needs. Examples of self-care can range from things like taking a time-out by hiding in the bathroom when you can't handle your kids (which I did last night), taking a few minutes of deep breathing, or putting the television so you and your kid get a break to writing in a journal, taking a shower, going for a walk, or talking to your partner or a friend.

And, sometimes, we can't catch ourselves in time and we do react in ways we regret. In those moments, we can apologize to our kids after we yell at them because we are still learning and parents make mistakes, too.

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Mindful Parenting: How to Respond Instead of React

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Mindful parenting means that you bring your conscious attention to what's happening, instead of getting hijacked by your emotions.

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Great article on mindfulness in families

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Busy schedules, digital devices, long commutes-all of this leads to family members who are disconnected from each other as never before. Psychologists Stefanie and Elisha Goldstein show us ways to strengthen relationships, increase everyone's well-being, and bring the family back together.

An unsettling shift is happening in our culture today: there's less and less intimate connection in modern families, as the bonds between partners, and between parents and children, weaken through distraction and busyness. Too many family members spend dinner hour (if it lasts that long) looking at their phones and tablets instead of connecting with each other. We convey our love on the fly, in sound bites and cursory text messages like "luv u." That's no substitute for looking into one another's eyes, feeling each other's touch, taking time for a real conversation, and saying "I love you" with meaning. It's easy to imagine a future in which disconnected families are the norm, as habitual routines blind us to the connections, choices, and wonders that make family life so rich.

Through our therapeutic work with hundreds of children, adolescents, adults, couples, and families, we have seen how deep and heartbreaking the growing disconnection in families can be. We've watched family after family give up trying to reconnect because it feels too hard and painful to try to reverse the direction of something that has been eroding for too long.

Seeing the depth of these challenges has inspired us to develop some principles and guidelines that might be helpful in raising a mindful family. We have done this not only to work with disconnected families-and help others not end up that way-but also because we wanted to discover how to raise our own children with love, understanding, playfulness, humor, and trust, and maintain a strong relationship in the midst of it all.

All of us start out with such high aspirations, but we run into difficulties along the way. When the inevitable challenges arise, we have learned over and over again (sometimes the hard way) that looking first to what others need to do to change is not the most effective place to start.

That's why our first principle is "raising the mindful self," which doesn't mean cultivating any special "self." It simply means that each of us has to do our own work first. The next natural place to put our attention is on our relationship with our partner, which will not do well on autopilot. We need to nurture and tend to it regularly. If that's happening, we're well on our way to giving our children what they need, because they will take their lead from us. How they see us live is more powerful than anything we say to them about mindfulness.

Raising the Mindful Self

Years ago we were invited to a private talk by the famous pediatrician and author Berry Brazelton. There were lots of questions from parents and professionals, including us, who were searching for "how to" answers to everyday parenting quandaries. Toward the end of his talk Brazelton said, "You know, it may be that the enormous field of child development and parenting has actually done parents a disservice. It has sent them the message that they need to look to experts to find the answers, when oftentimes the answers lie within. They always have."

Looking within is where we believe raising a mindful family starts-with each of us learning how to pause, listen deeply to ourselves, and trust our own wisdom. Finding spaces in our day to slow down, take a breath, and check in trains our minds to shift to a larger perspective in the midst of emotional reactions and see more clearly what we and others need in any given moment.

Raising a family is anything but simple. It offers multiple inputs coming at us from multiple directions, and if we get overwhelmed, our brain will operate on default. We will draw on our childhood emotional history to make quick judgments about how to react to our own children and our partner. In our best moments, we can find the breathing space to see the bigger picture and consider healthy ways to respond. But as life becomes increasingly stressful and hectic, it's easy to fall into a routine of unhealthy, impulsive patterns that we may have inherited from our parents- despite the fact that we swore we would do it differently with our own family. Now we feel bad. Ashamed, we label ourselves "bad parent" or maybe "not good enough parent." Learning how to pause more frequently through the day can help you notice these patterns and provide insight into how you can reconnect to yourself, your partner (if you have one), and your children.

As parents, we're all imperfect. One of the most important practices we've found for raising a mindful family is applying self-compassion during the stressful moments: being aware of our own moments of struggling, with an inclination to help ourselves with kindness.

We recommend any of the many short mindfulness practices that teach you how to stop and quickly shift your perspective. We also encourage using practices that help you trust your inner wisdom as a parent-something we so often tend to doubt. Here's one practice that we've found particularly helpful.

As parents, we're all imperfect. Remember that, and be kind to yourself during the stressful moments.

Practice: Mindfulness and Self-Compassion

When you recognize you're in a stressful moment, acknowledge the difficulty by saying, "This is hard right now." Then ask yourself, "What do I need?"

Acknowledging and querying allow you to open up to wisdom you have within and build self-trust. Maybe you find that you want to have more patience or be free from the stress that's hitting you in the moment. Try placing your hand on your heart as a gesture of caring and say to yourself, "May I be at ease, have more patience, and be free from this stress."

If you want, you can take this deeper. You can imagine all of the other parents out there who have experienced this struggle and wish them the same. We're all connected on this imperfect journey of parenting. Recognizing that helps us drop the burden of self-judgment, feel more connected, and open up to what really matters.

Raising the Mindful Couple

Like most parents, we've experienced times when the quantity and quality of our connection has waned. In those periods we felt irritable, restless, and hungry to connect. But rather than find refuge in each other's companionship, we would numb the longing with distractions like television, work, or pouring an extra glass of wine- none of which quench the longing for loving connection. Whether you're in a partnership, recently out of one, or looking to be in one, setting the intention to nurture loving connections in your life is paramount for your own health and happiness.

A partnership is its own entity, almost like a person. It needs attention and nourishment in the same way your own body and mind do. But what's the best way to give it the kind of attention it needs?

Researcher and author Barbara Fredrickson recently defined love in a more subtle way than most of us tend to view it. "Love, as your body experiences it," she says, "is a micro-moment of connection shared with another."

That accords with our experience. Each day gives us many opportunities to create and share micro-moments of connection with each other, yet we often fall into the trap of brushing past our loved one, seeing them as a static object. We miss the opportunity to see the person, with all their strengths, beauty, joys, and triumphs, and also their perceived failures and accumulated sufferings. Ultimately, when we see the person, we feel our shared humanity, in all its complexity. Creating micro-moments of connection can counteract the disconnection that so often creeps into a relationship and can help sustain our love. In fact, these moments are love.

According to many researchers, when we attend to these moments, we're not as activated by life's inevitable stressors. Because of that, old unhealthy patterns are not triggered so often by chaos and disruption-and we become a happier and more resilient person, partner, and parent. It may be hard to believe that moments of positive connection can actually sustain us during the disconnected times, but they can and they do. Love is a renewable energy source and can be found in the tiniest of moments.

Practice: Cultivating Mindful Micro-Moments

Decide to create at least one micro-moment of connection this week, both verbally and physically. If judgments or fears arise, just notice them and recommit to your intention. Notice how you feel when you hold hands or give a gentle caress on the arm or cheek. Let a hug last until you both feel your bodies relax, indicating that the nervous systems have been connected and calmed. See if you can linger a bit longer than normal, taking in the feeling of each moment.

Raising the Mindful Child (and Parent)

Small children are so present with their experience that they usually don't need help connecting to the moment. As children grow older, though, the complexities of social engagement, the pressures of school, and the distractions of technology play a significant role in their daily lives. They, like us, need all the help they can get coming home to themselves with awareness and compassion. What they've learned from their parents over the years can make a significant contribution to their ability to do so.

It is difficult to separate raising a mindful child from raising a mindful parent, since we are often, without even realizing it, passively teaching our kids to be mindful or mindless. We can be so focused on "teaching" our kids how to be responsible and compassionate adults that we forget that they're learning the most by watching how we are being in the world.

If you're staring at your phone while answering your child's questions, you're teaching them that fully listening isn't that important. If you're hyper-stressed and snap at the driver who just cut you off, you're teaching them that acting out aggression is a healthy response to perceived slights. On the other hand, when you stop to help someone who dropped something on the street, you're teaching them to give thought to others, the root of compassion. When you're willing to talk openly about emotions-both yours and theirs-and you treat yourself with kindness in difficult times, you inspire emotional intelligence and self-compassion. When you rebound from your mistakes instead of spiraling into shame, you're modeling resilience.

There are also more active ways we can teach our children mindfulness. We can find creative ways to inspire it in them-not trying to impose it but simply planting the seeds. You can start by working with mindfulness of emotions. Even when children as young as two are upset or happy, you can nurture self-reflection and emotional intelligence in them. You can help them identify and label their emotions and where they feel them in the body. That will lay the foundation for doing this on their own. That may take a while, so just remember-you are simply planting seeds. Be sure to take it slow and check in: How are you feeling right now? How do you imagine your child is feeling?

"Breathing Buddy" is a practice used by many people who work with children and mindfulness. In our CALM (Connecting Adolescents to Learning Mindfulness) program, we have had success using it with young children, tweens, and teens. It's very easy to do with your own children.

Practice: Breathing Buddy

This is a fun practice you can do together as a family. To begin, get a small weighted stuffed animal for your toddler or school-age child, or a smooth river rock for a tween or teen. This is their "breathing buddy." Then, everyone lies down, places a breathing buddy on their belly, and tries to make it rise and fall with every inhalation and exhalation. It's helpful to encourage everyone to slow their breathing by counting to three on the inhale and back down to one on the exhale.

This is a tool your children can use to calm themselves in stressful moments, such as when they are feeling anxious before a test or after a tension-filled spat with a friend. For smaller children it can be helpful to create a story incorporating the breathing buddy to get them more engaged.

Our most meaningful moments occur when we slow down and tune in to the simple things in life. That's not always easy to do-other things in life can seem so important-but when you do stop and regain your perspective, it benefits you, your partner, and your children. It helps family members regulate emotions during trying times, creates flexibility and creativity, and cultivates gratitude, empathy, and compassion.

When we learn to be grateful for the good times and graceful during the tough times, it opens us up to real life, not a distracted and automatic version of it. Remember, raising a mindful family that includes yourself, your partnership, and your children is a practice: you will not be perfect. When you stray from your intention, forgive yourself. In that moment you can discover something vital: you can always choose to begin again.

Subscribe to learn more about the best mindfulness practices.

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Busy schedules, digital devices, long commutes-all of this leads to family members who are disconnected from each other as never before. Psychologists Stefanie and Elisha Goldstein show us ways to strengthen relationships, increase everyone's well-being, and bring the family back together.

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Every parent knows that having children is a field ripe with emotions. Frustration, anger, boredom, joy, love, or fear-name an emotion, and it's probably there on the wild ride of parenting. But this can also feel like the tipping point into insanity. When parenting becomes difficult, it is important to see that these challenges can be turned into opportunities for working with your inner reactivity. As your child (or you) begin to slip into the fifth meltdown of the day, or as you watch your mind check-out from reading the same book for the millionth time, mindfulness can help bring you back to a more spacious and vital sense of the present. In this interview from 10% Happier, mindfulness teacher Alexis Santos offers four tips to cultivate a practice of mindful parenting.

Breathe Interest into Your Routine

Our attention is habitually attracted to "peak moments," moments that seem pleasant, fun, or exciting. You'll certainty be in the moment when your kid falls and scuffs her knee, but what about the times things are less attention-grabbing and more routine? In instances where you want to zone out, bring mindfulness to the breath. The breath is a reliable companion, and it's also always fresh. When you use attention to experience each breath as a unique and interesting event, you can ripen seemingly repetitive moments of parenting into ones that bring your attention fully back to the present-moment interactions you're having with your kids.

You'll certainty be in the moment when your kid falls and scuffs her knee, but what about the times things are less attention-grabbing and more routine?

Be Bored

When breath practice is not riveting and you find yourself 100% bored, simply commit to the experience of being bored. Boredom can be a fascinating exploration when you are willing to feel it. How does the texture of your boredom feel? Where does it arise in your body? Using boredom as an exploration of present experience can add more zest to those moments, while simultaneously strengthening your mindfulness practice. Mundane moments can be useful times to step back and find a sense of ease, regardless of the monotonous circumstances.

Feel When You've Lost Your Cool

If you find yourself at the brink of unproductive anger, you are not a bad parent for losing your patience. This is a perfect time to check back with your internal experience and not act out. Don't get lost in the drama in front of you-instead, pause and feel into your body's reactions. Even if the pause is only a millisecond long, giving yourself space is a chance to see the emotion bubbling up and work with it with more awareness. Seeing and feeling the emotion helps avoid the situation from escalating, and it will support you to stay composed in challenging times.

Relax into the Imperfection

Most people feel that their sphere of responsibility has grown exponentially upon becoming a parent. You are the lifeline for the health and well-being of your child. While making sure they are safe, secure, and loved is absolutely paramount, it is also important to know your limits. Ultimately, there are many things that you won't be able to control, no matter how hard you try. It is important to remember that life is not always predictable. Plates will break, tears will be shed, and difficulties will inevitably occur-this is the reality of being a parent and being alive. In these situations, don't overextend your responsibility. When appropriate, practice letting go, and relax into the imperfection. You can find satisfaction and even gratitude in those moments if you give yourself a break to embrace life as it unfolds.

For more from Alexis Santos and Dan Harris, check out some free guided meditations from 10% Happier.

Let Go of Being the Ideal Role Model

Raising the Mindful Family

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Every parent knows that having children is a field ripe with emotions. Frustration, anger, boredom, joy, love, or fear-name an emotion, and it's probably there on the wild ride of parenting. But this can also feel like the tipping point into insanity.

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4 week Free Mindfulness Course - great for staff and parents

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Learn mindfulness techniques to reduce stress and improve performance

Stressed by the pace of modern life? Mindfulness might be the answer. Research shows that when you're not deliberately paying attention to something, your brain goes into default mode causing increased anxiety and poor communication. Mindfulness can help end this unproductive behaviour. In this online course, you'll learn how to incorporate mindfulness practices into your life, to reduce stress and improve your personal and professional life.
This course has been recognised as one of the highest rated online courses of all time by leading course aggregator Class Central

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The problem of unmindfulness

Research on mindfulness

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Relationships and empathy

Mindfulness as a way of life

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By the end of the course, you'll be able to...

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This course is for anyone, because everyone can benefit from mindfulness. No previous experience of mindfulness is required. We will explain how mindfulness works, but above all this is a practical course. We will ask you to explore different mindfulness techniques and reflect on your experience.

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from the Gawler Foundation

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Mindfulness Meditation Audios | gawler.org

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A range of mindfulness meditation audios recorded by our retreat facilitators, available for live streaming or download.

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Online Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction (MBSR)
This online MBSR training course is 100% free, created by a fully certified MBSR instructor, and is based on the program founded by Jon Kabat-Zinn at the University of Massachusetts Medical School.

I'm so glad you found this website! Here you will find a complete eight-week MBSR course, designed for people who are not able to take a live MBSR course for financial or logistical reasons. All of the materials used in the live courses I taught, including guided meditations, articles and videos, are freely available here. - Dave Potter

Offering something for nothing does seem a little suspicious these days and I get many emails about this free online MBSR course, many of which ask one or more of the following questions:

The short answer is "yes". There is no catch: no fees, no spam, no cookies, you don't even need to identify yourself or give an email address. I receive no income personally from the site, not even indirectly. Contributions make the course even more accessible to people around the world, but this is not expected nor required - see About Contributions.(NOTE: Some of the videos have advertising, but the ad revenue goes directly to the creator of the videos and not to me.)

I am fully certified as an MBSR instructor by the University of Massachusetts Medical School and I taught live, in-person MBSR classes in my community for 12 years. I'm also a retired professional psychotherapist who has had a daily meditation practice for over 25 years, and when I discovered MBSR, I wanted to offer it to my clients and my community. I started teaching my twice-yearly in-person classes in 2004 and, as a service to my students, began to put some parts of the class online. I soon realized that with a little work, the material could be useful to people who are not able to attend a live MBSR class, either because of financial limitations or because no classes are offered nearby.

Creating and incrementally improving this resource has been a labor of love, and I'm happy to provide these materials without asking for a fee, something that is made possible given the economies of the internet, how the course is structured, and the generosity of other teachers* who have given their permission to make their teachings freely available on this website. It pleases me to know that anyone with an internet connection, whether they live in Moscow, Idaho or Moscow, Russia, can find and use the rich set of materials here. There is even a way for people without internet to have access to the course.

A live, interactive, Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction (MBSR) class is still the best way to learn mindfulness, because it is more likely that you will complete the course, due to the live connection and group support.(NOTE: To find in-person MBSR offerings in your area, try a web search such as "MBSR Minneapolis" or "MBSR London".)

But doing a live course is not always possible, for financial and logistical reasons. This online course uses precisely the same course curriculum and resources that I used in my local in-person course, and if you follow the suggestions and practices for each of the eight weeks of the course, the learning can be just as deep and profound. In fact, the end-of-course reports I've received from online graduates indicate that they benefit just as much as people who complete the in-person course. For some recent end-of-course reports, see Testimonials / Gallery of Learning. There are over 4,700 graduates of the Palouse Mindfulness course from 90 countries (see the Map of Graduates and the Map of Palouse Mindfulness Visitors).

As an option, any student may join the Online Student Community, an online group in which members can share experiences and/or ask questions about the practices that are part of the course. There is no requirement to post anything - many people simply vicariously enjoy the sense of community and learn from others by viewing other peoples' posts. There are experienced graduates in the group who can answer specific questions and, on occasion, I may personally respond as well. It is a very lively group and most questions get answered within an hour or tw
Whether or not you join the online group, be sure to check out the Frequently Asked Questions page (see on menu above). The questions on the FAQ page are the ones most commonly asked in the online student group.
Even with the help of a group, it is a significant accomplishment to complete a course such as this on your own, and for that reason, I've done my best to make the experience interesting and engaging, something made possible by the generosity of the world-renowned teachers* whose videos and writings are posted on this site, including Jon Kabat-Zinn (Wherever You Go, There You Are), Thich Nhat Hanh (Peace Is Every Step), Tara Brach (Radical Acceptance), Pema Chodron (When Things Fall Apart), Sylvia Boorstein (Don't Just Do Something, Sit There), Sharon Salzberg (A Heart As Wide as the World), Robert Sapolsky (Why Zebras Don't Get Ulcers), Marshall Rosenberg (Non-Violent Communication), and Jack Kornfield (A Path with Heart).*

If your native language is Spanish or Russian, you are in luck! The complete Palouse Mindfulness course in these languages are available through the links above or by clicking on the flag icons in the top-left corner of any page. These versions of the course were carefully translated by native speakers who are also Palouse Mindfulness graduates.

It's possible to use Google Translate to convert the course to other languages, but the translation is far from perfect, especially since the concepts presented in a mindfulness course are subtle and present a challenge even for experienced human translators. That being said, if you'd like to use Google Translate for any part of the course, go to Other Languages (or clicking on the "globe" icon at the top of the page) for suggestions about how best to do this.

The Introduction is designed to give you a sense of mindfulness and an idea of how this course is structured. For each of the eight weeks, videos, readings and practices help you build a base of both knowledge and experience. MBSR "At a Glance" provides a brief outline of the MBSR course.

All of what you will need is accessible through this website, and whether or not you actually take yourself through the course, the wealth of material here, including videos and writings by the teachers mentioned above and others,is freely available to you.

This course is completely self-guided (there is no registration and only you will be monitoring your progress, using the provided practice sheets). If you successfully complete the eight weeks of practice and study and send the materials indicated inRequesting a Certificate of Completion, I will send you a personal note of congratulations along with a certificate of completion. There is no cost for this. You simply submit the seven sets of practice sheets and a one page description of what you've learned and how you will be incorporating what you learned into your life.
If you are ready to begin, or if you'd just like to know more about mindfulness or this program, go to the Introduction.
* NOTE: Much of the material in this course is drawn from the public works of other teachers and writers in the spirit of making mindfulness more widely available. I'm grateful to them for helping to make this free Online MBSR course possible. Those who have given their explicit written approval of how I've used their materials include Jon Kabat-Zinn, Thich Nhat Hanh, Tara Brach, Shauna Shapiro, Kristin Neff, Vidyamala Burch, Lynn Rossy, James Baraz, Ann Weiser Cornell, Daron Larson, and the University of Massachusetts Medical School.

All videos needed to complete the course, including the guided meditations, have accurate closed captions, with the exception of some that are in the "supplementary" sections or on the "Graduate" pages. [The captioning on this site thanks to Caption Access.]

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Online Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction (MBSR) This online MBSR training course is 100% free, created by a fully certified MBSR instructor, and is based on the program founded by Jon Kabat-Zinn at the University of Massachusetts Medical School. I'm so glad you found this website!

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What is Mindfulness

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The benefits of Mindfulness

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The Benefits of Meditation ~ Jon Kabat-Zinn

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Fantastic article on letting our kids be independent

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Walking through the woods alone can be a scary prospect for a kid, but not for 7-year-old Matthew of Portland, Oregon. He doesn't have much of a backyard at his condo, so the woods behind his house essentially serve the same purpose. He spends hours out there: swinging on a tire swing, tromping across the ravine to a friend's house, and using garden shears to cut a path. He lays down sticks to form a bridge across the small stream that flows in the winter.

And he does all of this without any adult supervision.

Matthew's mom, Laura Randall, wants her son to gain the sort of skills and confidence that only come with doing things yourself. But she didn't just toss her 7-year-old out the door with some hiking boots and garden shears one day. They worked up to it gradually with what Randall calls "experiments in independence."

"Just those moments, incrementally bigger moments, where he can choose to be on his own," Randall explains. Randall knows this isn't the norm for today's parenting style, where kids are shuttled from one supervised, structured activity to another. Gone are the days where kids ride their bikes alone until the streetlights come on.

And Randall has encountered people who think she's a bad parent - like the man who identified himself as an off-duty police officer, and started yelling at her when she left Matthew alone in the car for a few minutes while she ran into the pharmacy to pick up a prescription.

Randall knows that parents in several states have been arrested for leaving kids unattended, for letting them walk to the park on their own, or even allowing them walk to school. And so she was worried about what this man might do.

"[H]e ... says, 'Do you know how many kids go missing a year?' And I said 'By coincidence, I think I do know, and it's very small!' "

They talked it out, and the man eventually threw up his hands and walked away. Randall's heart was pounding, but she felt confident defending her parenting - partly because she had connected with a group called Free Range Kids, which promotes childhood independence, and gives families the information they need to push back against a culture of overprotection. Its founder is Lenore Skenazy.

"This very pessimistic, fearful way of looking at childhood isn't based in reality," Skenazy explains. "It is something that we have been taught."

For years, Skenazy sought to correct the misconception of childhood dangers - telling parents that childhood abductions and murders are at record lows, even as perceptions of danger have risen.

But even as she talked about the benefits of giving kids independence, of free time, and of self-directed play, she realized that addressing the individual parents was only half the battle. Because even if they have the facts, parents could still feel uncomfortable if they're the only ones affording their kids these freedoms. Also, it could get lonely being the only kid riding your bike down the street.

"You send your kid outside and there's nobody out there for them to play with - they're gonna come right back in," Skenazy laughs. "Because there is somebody to play with if they're online."

Skenazy set out not just to change parents' minds, but the culture at large. And founded a project called Let Grow.

While its goal is a cultural shift, its methods are almost laughably simple. Let Grow is reaching out to elementary schools across the country to assign kids the Let Grow project as homework. Participating kids decide to do something on their own that they haven't done before - whether it's walking the dog around the block, or making dinner, or walking a few aisles over in the supermarket to get some eggs. The schools also set up "Let Grow play clubs" - mixed ages, no structure, and no adult direction. Just free, child-led play.

Lori Koerner is the principal at Tremont Elementary in Long Island, one of a dozen New York schools piloting the project. She said that they saw a direct effect in the classroom. "The children were just more self-assured, and confident."

Koerner says with Let Grow, kids discover skills and abilities they didn't know they had. And they also discover what it's like to fail. While on the surface might not sound all that appealing, failure is how kids learn how to overcome obstacles, try out new ideas, and become resilient. It's also how adults learn as well - ask any CEO.)

"If we don't offer them these opportunities to communicate, to collaborate, to problem-solve, then how can they be successful in a global society?" Koerner asks.

According to psychologists, that's an important question. Dr. Peter Gray, research professor at Boston College who focuses on child play, says that erring on the side of caution isn't helping children. By trying to give kids a leg up, scheduling every free minute with karate or Little League or music lessons, parents are in fact doing them enormous harm.

Gray says that over the past 50 years, as we've seen a decline in children's freedom, we've seen an increase in responses on standardized questionnaires that indicate both depression and anxiety disorders. Specifically, an eight-fold increase on depression, and five-to-ten-fold increase on generalized anxiety disorder. Gray notes that this is just a correlation, and he's looked at many possible explanations.

"It doesn't correlate with economic cycles, wars, or divorce rates. But it correlates very well with the decline of children's freedom to play."

To Gray, this makes perfect sense. Especially when you consider that not having control of their decisions and life creates an external rather than internal locus of control.

Internal locus of control is "the degree to which you feel that you're in control of your own life, versus the degree you feel you're a victim of fate and circumstance and powerful other people," he says. "Every decade, young people report less internal locus of control, more external locus of control."

Putting kids in control helps them learn to solve problems, and cope better in new environments. Gray says animal studies even indicate that free play can promote pathways in the prefrontal cortex, strengthening control over the emotion-eliciting areas of the limbic system.

For parents, like Laura Randall, it's all part of the goal of parenting.

"There's the short game, where you're sort of doing the best you can in the moment," Randall explains. "But there's the long game. And there's paying attention to allowing a little risk, because it will pay off in the long run."

Randall understands that life has real risks. But so does getting in a car. And most of us still do it every day, because that's how to get where we want to go. For her son Matthew to become a confident, competent adult, Randall wants him to go outside, make his own mistakes, and figure things out. And she hopes he won't be the only kid out there doing it.

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To Raise Confident, Independent Kids, Some Parents Are Trying To 'Let Grow'

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Walking through the woods alone can be a scary prospect for a kid, but not for 7-year-old Matthew of Portland, Oregon. He doesn't have much of a backyard at his condo, so the woods behind his house essentially serve the same purpose.

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A recent research on mirror neurons has discovered that when we watch someone doing something, the same neurons that fire in their brain also fire in our brain. By watching them, we end up thinking and feeling the same thing they feel by doing.

Our neurons "mirror" their neurons. In other words, when someone eats ice cream, their neurons think "yummy". When we watch someone eat ice cream, our "yummy" neurons light up the same way.

Imagine what our lives would be like if we could look in the mirror and change what we see in it. Imagine if it could help us change what we see both inside and outside of ourselves.

I think kids are such very special mirrors. They visually project the image of those who stand before them. If you want to see your parenting image, all you have to do is look into your live mirror, your kids.

The good news for parents, is that by controlling how we feel and behave, we can influence how our kids feel and behave. And this is also our challenge...

Mirror neurons never lie

We are born with this ability and depend on it heavily. As children, most of what we mirror is what we see in the people closest to us - our parents. It is not what they say that counts the most, but what their brain projects and what our brain mirrors.

For children with behavior issues, looking at what they are mirroring can often be illuminating. That is why the Be Happy in LIFE Parenting Program focuses on what happens inside the parent, not on the child's misbehavior. We focus on the parents' parenting style and how they can be true to who they are and what they believe, think or feel.

It is important to be true to who you are, because as a parent, you face a mirror that reflects everything you do and feel. When we pretend to feel and think in a specific way, our child's mirror neurons will pick it up. Mirror neurons never lie. Your thoughts, feelings and behaviors will be mirrored.

The mirror neuron ability (over which we have no control) can work for us or against us in parenting. Here is a video of a couple who presented at TED (I do love TED talks) about how they realized the power of neuron mirroring and used it to help their son. I hope it will inspire you as much as it inspired me.

Remember, your behavior "speaks", and your child's mirror neurons are always, always listening.

Happy parenting,
Ronit

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How to Use Mirror Neurons to Empower Your Child | Family Matters

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A recent research on mirror neurons has discovered that when we watch someone doing something, the same neurons that fire in their brain also fire in our brain. By watching them, we end up thinking and feeling the same thing they feel by doing. Our neurons "mirror" their neurons.

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This was published 3 years ago

By Belinda Tasker

Updated first published at

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Parents who play games with their kids, challenge them to a race, or simply muck about with rough-and-tumble activities may be helping reduce the chances of them developing anxiety problems.

A recent study by Australian and Dutch researchers found that certain behaviours by parents play a role in protecting preschoolers from becoming anxious because they are encouraged to take risks, safely.

The world can be a silly place. Credit:Stocksy

They studied a group of 312 families and discovered that mums and dads who used more so-called challenging parent behaviour (CPB) had kids whose anxiety levels were significantly less than others.

Previous research has established links between how over-controlling, or helicopter-style, parenting can heighten anxiety in kids.

The study by researchers from Sydney's Macquarie University and University of Amsterdam, however, focused on parenting behaviour that may actual protect children from becoming anxious.

One of the study's co-authors, Rebecca Lazarus, says behaviours that can have a protective effective on kids include giving them a fright, teasing, rough-and- tumble play, as well as encouraging them to be assertive and take risks.

"The idea behind CPB is it gives children exposure to safe risk, so things that might be a bit anxiety provoking but lets them know that it's actually ok," Ms Lazarus said.

"It's this repeated exposure to things that might feel unsafe that reduces their anxiety and they learn they can cope by themselves."

Ms Lazarus said many other studies had shown that mums and dads who use "cotton wool" style parenting and restrict their kids from doing things that are age- appropriate put their youngsters at risk of developing anxiety.

"That gives children the message that the world is a scary place and I need protection from it," she said.

Seven per cent of Aussie kids aged between four and 17 are estimated to have anxiety issues

Ms Lazarus, a Phd candidate who worked at Macquarie's Centre for Emotional Health when the study was conducted, said there are many simple everyday ways parents can display CPB to help their kids.

"It could be things like encouraging the child if they are cautious about approaching something, so like a dog in a park. They might be frightened of dogs, but you can encourage them by showing them how you approach a dog and let it sniff your hand," she said.

"It also includes competitions like running races or playing games with kids. It's all safe and gentle but it lets kids have that experience at losing and what that feels like."

While Ms Lazarus and her fellow researchers suggested in their study, that was published in the Journal of Clinical Child & Adolescent Psychology, more studies were needed into CPB as a possible treatment for anxiety in children.
AAP

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Playful parents prevent anxious kids: study

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This was published 3 years ago By Belinda Tasker Updated first published at Normal text size Larger text size Very large text size Parents who play games with their kids, challenge them to a race, or simply muck about with rough-and-tumble activities may be helping reduce the chances of them developing anxiety problems. A recent study by Australian and Dutch researchers found that certain behaviours by parents play a role in protecting preschoolers from becoming anxious because they are encouraged to take risks, safely.

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Victoria Prooday, OT finds today's kids come to school emotionally unavailable for learning. There are many factors in our modern lifestyle that contribute to this.

She writes:

I am an occupational therapist with years of experience working with children, parents, and teachers. I completely agree with this teacher's message that our children are getting worse and worse in many aspects. I hear the same consistent message from every teacher I meet. Clearly, throughout my time as an Occupational Therapist, I have seen and continue to see a decline in kids' social, emotional, and academic functioning, as well as a sharp increase in learning disabilities and other diagnoses.

As we know, the brain is malleable. Through environment, we can make the brain "stronger" or make it "weaker". I truly believe that, despite all our greatest intentions, we unfortunately remold our children's brains in the wrong direction. Here is why:

1. Technology

Using technology as a "Free babysitting service" is, in fact, not free at all. The payment is waiting for you just around the corner. We pay with our kids' nervous systems, with their attention, and with their ability for delayed gratification. Compared to virtual reality, everyday life is boring.

When kids come to the classroom, they are exposed to human voices and adequate visual stimulation as opposed to being bombarded with the graphic explosions and special effects that they are used to seeing on the screens.

After hours of virtual reality, processing information in a classroom becomes increasingly challenging for our kids because their brains are getting used to the high levels of stimulation that videos and games provide.

The inability to process lower levels of stimulation leaves kids vulnerable to academic challenges. Technology also disconnects us emotionally from our children and our families.

Parental emotional availability is the main nutrient for a child's brain. Unfortunately, we are gradually depriving our children of that nutrient.

2. Kids Get Everything The Moment They Want It

"I am Hungry!!" "In a sec I will stop at the drive thru" "I am Thirsty!" "Here is a vending machine." "I am bored!" "Use my phone!"

The ability to delay gratification is one of the key factors for future success. We have the best intentions - to make our children happy - but unfortunately, we make them happy at the moment but miserable in the long term.

To be able to delay gratification means to be able to function under stress. Our children are gradually becoming less equipped to deal with even minor stressors, which eventually become huge obstacles to their success in life.

The inability to delay gratification is often seen in classrooms, malls, restaurants, and toy stores the moment the child hears "No" because parents have taught their child's brain to get what it wants right away.

3. Kids Rule The World

"My son doesn't like vegetables." "She doesn't like going to bed early." "He doesn't like to eat breakfast." "She doesn't like toys, but she is very good at her iPad" "He doesn't want to get dressed on his own." "She is too lazy to eat on her own."

This is what I hear from parents all the time. Since when do children dictate to us how to parent them? If we leave it all up to them, all they are going to do is eat macaroni and cheese and bagels with cream cheese, watch TV, play on their tablets, and never go to bed.

What good are we doing them by giving them what they WANT when we know that it is not GOOD for them? Without proper nutrition and a good night's sleep, our kids come to school irritable, anxious, and inattentive. In addition, we send them the wrong message.

They learn they can do what they want and not do what they don't want. The concept of "need to do" is absent. Unfortunately, in order to achieve our goals in our lives, we have to do what's necessary, which may not always be what we want to do. For example, if a child wants to be an A student, he needs to study hard. If he wants to be a successful soccer player, he needs to practice every day. Our children know very well what they want, but have a very hard time doing what is necessary to achieve that goal. This results in unattainable goals and leaves the kids disappointed.

4. Endless Fun

We have created an artificial fun world for our children. There are no dull moments. The moment it becomes quiet, we run to entertain them again, because otherwise, we feel that we are not doing our parenting duty.

We live in two separate worlds. They have their "fun" world, and we have our "work" world. Why aren't children helping us in the kitchen or with laundry? Why don't they tidy up their toys?

This is basic monotonous work that trains the brain to be workable and function under "boredom," which is the same "muscle" that is required to be eventually teachable at school. When they come to school and it is time for handwriting their answer is "I can't. It is too hard. Too boring." Why? Because the workable "muscle" is not getting trained through endless fun.

It gets trained through work.

5. Limited Social Interaction

We are all busy, so we give our kids digital gadgets and make them "busy" too. Kids used to play outside, where, in unstructured natural environments, they learned and practiced their social skills.

Unfortunately, technology replaced the outdoor time. Also, technology made the parents less available to socially interact with their kids. Obviously, our kids fall behind... the babysitting gadget is not equipped to help kids develop social skills. Most successful people have great social skills. This is the priority!

The brain is just like a muscle that is trainable and re-trainable. If you want your child to be able to bike, you teach him biking skills. If you want your child to be able to wait, you need to teach him patience. If you want your child to be able to socialize, you need to teach him social skills. The same applies to all the other skills. There is no difference!

Train the Brain

You can make a difference in your child's life by training your child's brain so that your child will successfully function on social, emotional, and academic levels. Here is how:

1. Limit technology, and re-connect with your kids emotionally

Surprise them with flowers, share a smile, tickle them, put a love note in their backpack or under their pillow, surprise them by taking them out for lunch on a school day, dance together, crawl together, have pillow fights

Have family dinners, board game nights (see the list of my favorite board games), go biking, go to outdoor walks with a flashlight in the evening

2. Train delayed gratification

Make them wait!!! It is okay to have "I am bored" time - this is the first step to creativity

Gradually increase the waiting time between "I want" and "I get"

Avoid technology use in cars and restaurants, and instead teach them waiting while talking and playing games

Limit constant snacking

3. Don't be afraid to set the limits. Kids need limits to grow happy and healthy!!

Make a schedule for meal times, sleep times, technology time

Think of what is GOOD for them- not what they WANT/DON'T WANT. They are going to thank you for that later on in life. Parenting is a hard job. You need to be creative to make them do what is good for them because, most of the time, that is the exact opposite of what they want.

Kids need breakfast and nutritious food. They need to spend time outdoor and go to bed at a consistent time in order to come to school available for learning the next day!

Convert things that they don't like doing/trying into fun, emotionally stimulating games

4. Teach your child to do monotonous work from early years as it is the foundation for future "work-ability"

Folding laundry, tidying up toys, hanging clothes, unpacking groceries, setting the table, making lunch, unpacking their lunch box, making their bed

Be creative. Initially make it stimulating and fun so that their brain associates it with something positive.

5. Teach social skills

Teach them turn taking, sharing, losing/winning, compromising, complimenting others, using "please and thank you"

From my experience as an occupational therapist, children change the moment parents change their perspective on parenting. Help your kids succeed in life by training and strengthening their brain sooner rather than later!

Victoria holds a Master of Science in Occupational Therapy from the Medical School at University of Toronto and a Bachelor of Science in Kinesiology and Health Science from York University. She is founder and director of a multidisciplinary clinic in Toronto, Canada, for children with behavioral, social, emotional and academic challenges. Victoria, along with her team, has helped hundreds of families across Canada and around the world and is a frequent guest speaker to teachers, parents and professionals.

Shared with Victoria's written permission.

"Our children don't need us to be perfect (thankfully!). They just need us to be faithful. And God can take that simple faithfulness and turn it into something wonderful in due time." ~Jonathan Lewis

"And let us not be weary in well doing: for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not." ~Galatians 6:9

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Reasons Today's Kids Are Bored, Entitled, Impatient with Few Real Friends

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Victoria Prooday, OT finds today's kids come to school emotionally unavailable for learning. There are many factors in our modern lifestyle that contribute to this. She writes: I am an occupational therapist with years of experience working with children, parents, and teachers.

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Georgina Manning interviewed for the International Business Times

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Most parents want to give their kids everything they want in life. But according to parenting experts, saying "yes" to every demand that your children make may not be the right approach when it comes to instilling the right values in them.

Traversing the journey of becoming an assertive parent from a passive one can often be hard, especially for those who remain busy with work for the most part of the day, and do not get time to spend with their young ones. So naturally, when such a parent comes back home only to find their kid throwing tantrums, the easier option is to succumb to the demands.

Whatever be the reason, it has been observed that modern parents find it harder to say "no" to their children. "I think the pendulum has swung completely another way from parenting 30 or 40 years ago. It has swung from an authoritarian parenting style to a permissive parenting style," Georgina Manning, the Director of Wellbeing For Kids - an organization based in Melbourne, Australia, that helps parents reach social and emotional business outcomes - told the International Business Times.

"This has been partly due to the self-esteem movement and also the wellbeing message that has been hijacked to a certain extent," she added. "Somewhere in the middle of these two extremes is a more effective way where parents are still in charge but also emotionally tuned in and supportive of our children, where we can be present and involved in our children's lives but also teach limits and positive values."

Manning also underlined that no matter how difficult parents may find it to deny their children their immediate wishes, it is important for the kids to hear the word "no."

"Children need to feel a range of emotions and it is important we don't shield our child from these," she said. "We want children to become comfortable with the uncomfortable over time. Children don't suddenly learn about feeling a range of emotions or handling strong emotions at 18 - we need our kids to learn about their emotions from a young age and be coached in how to manage these feelings over time."

Delayed gratification, as a life skill, is often taken for granted and parents today assume their children learn about earning what they get in life as they grow up.

"As adults, we have to wait for things and work hard for rewards," Manning told the IBT. "Teaching children to wait for what they want and they may not always get what they want are lessons best learned early. Having a false sense of how the world works is setting our kids up for failure. We are also at risk of developing entitlement in children if they get what they want when they want. As adults, we would not be able to hold down a job or have healthy deep relationships with an entitled attitude such as this."

According to Bea Marshall, a parenting coach based in the United Kingdom, contrary to the popular belief and the negative notion attached to the word "no," it actually does not end up lowering self-esteem in children, when spoken by parents in a limited manner.

"When 'No' is used appropriately, it is a word of safety and protection," Marshall told IBT. "In most cases, conventional parenting uses 'No' as a word of control. When children experience 'No' as an empowered word - that is respected when they speak it themselves - they will respond positively to the word 'No'."

However, Marshall is the founder of "Yes Parenting," a movement based in the U.K. that focuses on saying "yes" to children. Her movement operates on the idea that children should be given the freedom to make their own choices by responding positively to their desires.

Insisting that parents today recognize the importance of striking a friendship with their children from a young age, despite adopting an assertive role, she said, "A friend is someone you enjoy spending time with, you have fun with them, you learn about the world together, you share thoughts and opinions in a caring and respectful way, you honor each other's preferences and interests and you talk to a friend about what is important to you... This is the same when we are friends with our children."

But Manning holds a different perspective on this. "Our job description as a parent is not to be a friend but a coach in life. Coaches can still have positive, close, warm relationships but not fall into the role of a friend... It is very hard to switch from coach role to friend role and this confuses children. We can still be very emotionally attuned to our children as a coach to be able to support them effectively as they are growing up, but we don't need to switch to a friend role to get that emotional intimacy or to be an effective support," she said.

At the end of the day, it is important to remember to take it slow and figure out what works for you as a parent and for your kid, because every individual is different and good parenting cannot be boiled down to one size fits all approach.

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Saying 'No' To Your Children Is Good For Them

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Traversing the journey of becoming an assertive parent from a passive one can often be hard, especially for those who remain busy with work for the most part of the day, and do not get time to spend with their young ones.

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Georgina Manning interviewed for the Daily Telegraph

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IT'S frustrating and annoying, but experts say allowing your child to get bored every now and then is a sign of good parenting, writes Mercedes Maguire

DO YOU scrunch your face in frustration when your hear your child mutter the dreaded phrase, "I'm bored"?

Take a deep breath and unclench your fists - guess what? Being bored is actually good for children and not a sign of bad parenting. Psychologists report children are bombarded with constant entertainment through technology, bedrooms full of toys and a schedule of activities that would make the Prime Minister's head spin.

Where is the time to stare vacantly out of the window, daydream, or just sit and think clearly and calmly?

Research shows boredom, or the frustration that comes with not being engaged in anything at all, offers great benefits for children in particular.

It allows the mind a moment to stop and rest, but ultimately boredom is the pathway to creative thinking and imaginative play.

A bored mind, it is argued, will seek something more interesting to do.

Dr Helen Street, a social psychologist and creator of the Positive Schools Initiative, which promotes mental health and wellbeing conferences in primary and secondary schools, says children need to experience boredom more than ever before.

"We are seeing a massive creativity deficit in kids."

"A child's school life is more structured than ever and from an earlier age than ever before," Dr Street says.

"There is this idea that school is a race and the sooner you get started on it the better you'll be. Then of course there is the advent of technology, which has taken over our lives in the past decade. It allows children to spend an awful lot of downtime passively engaged with screens and leaves kids with very little time for unstructured play.

"As a result we are seeing a massive creativity deficit in kids. People often mistake creativity with having an artistic skill, but that is not what we are talking about here.

"Creativity is important because it allows you to actively engage in life, to connect with people and pursue your passions. But to do that you have to learn to be self-directed.

"This is difficult for a child who has grown up having every demand met by their parents and every moment filled in with scheduled, structured activity, with little or no choice or control over what happens next."

The value of boredom is not a new theory, famed philosopher Bertrand Russell pointed out the benefits as early as 1930 in his book The Conquest of Happiness, where he states "a child develops best when, like a young plant, he is left undisturbed in the same soil".

In 1999 a pair of German public health officers were so concerned with the amount of toys provided to children in preschools they introduced a bold plan. Called Der Spielzeugfreie Kindergarten, or the nursery without toys, they removed every toy from a preschool for three months of the year, leaving only tables, chairs and the odd blanket.

"One of the best things they can do for their child is allow time for regular free play every day."

The observers noted that on the first day the children sat hesitantly staring at each other, but by the second day they were using the blankets and tables to create castles and cubbies, and the chairs to simulate trains. The teachers reported the children concentrated, socialised and communicated better following this period.

Put simply, the theory shows that bored children will seek out a more satisfying activity because the actual act of being bored is so lacking, the mind will naturally start to seek out more enjoyment.

It's easy to blame technology for the zombie-like ways children sit for hours clutching their devices or staring at the television.

But Dr Street says technology is not the sole culprit for a lack of self-directed play in homes and schools.

"Self-directed play allows children to engage in an activity where they have choice and control over what they do," Dr Street says.

"It allows a child to become so totally engrossed in their activity that time passes without them even noticing. It's called being 'in slow' or 'in the zone' and it's a wonderful feeling but, as parents, we don't allow enough of it."

Counsellor and psychotherapist Georgina Manning created the program Peaceful Kids, which instructs children on how to achieve mindfulness and meditation in schools, after she noticed a spike in stress and anxiety in children as young as five. The two-day program, taught in schools across Australia, teaches children to be fully present through a range of exercises.

"The program teaches kids simple activities like how to notice their breath when their mind wanders," the Wellbeing For Kids director says.

"But it's also important for kids to engage in informal mindfulness, which is just free, creative play, things like playing with Lego, making robots from cardboard, building an ant farm, dressing up. This kind of informal mindfulness allows them to become fully immersed and it clears the mind.

"If a child never has the opportunity to rest their mind - and sleep alone doesn't do it - it can lead to anxiety, ongoing stress response, perfectionism, generally being unhappy and burning out."

She says the main elements in society preventing boredom is too much technology, over-scheduling activities and having a stressed family life.

"Parents often feel guilty if their child isn't constantly engaged in structured activities like sport, music, dance, drama and tutoring," she says.

"But one of the best things they can do for their child is allow time for regular free play every day."

DOING BATTLE WITH SCREENS

MOOREBANK mum Kylie Reynolds remembers playing with friends, riding her bike and swimming in the backyard pool after coming home from school. But the mum to Jay, 12, Kayla, 10 and Lachlan, four months, says a lot has changed from one generation to the next.

She says she does daily battle with her children to get them off their screens and play like kids used to. "I think parenting kids today is a lot more complicated and challenging than when I was a kid," she says. "And as far as I can see, the main reason is technology.

"Kids have such a dependence of those screens and when I put the hammer down and say enough is enough, they really fight me on it. Kayla will find other things to do when I take the screens away, she'll colour or read a book or play with toys, but it's much tougher with Jay."

Reynolds says she worries this generation of children are losing their ability to use their imagination or to be creative because of the dependence on screens. "I remember being bored when I was little but I'd go to a friend's house to play or swim in the pool, I'd be out all afternoon with my friends, coming home only when dinner was ready.

"But I think parents are too scared to let their kids wander too far on their own these days, and I'll admit I'm guilty of that too. I'm sure the threats that are around now were around back then but it wasn't in your face like it is now.

"The kids have plenty to do in the backyard, we have a netted trampoline, a pool and have had cubbies, slip 'n' slides and totem tennis, but they lose interest after a while.

"I can see ... how boredom can lead to kids finding more creative things to do. But I do think technology has reduced their interest in other simpler activities."

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IT'S frustrating and annoying, but experts say allowing your child to get bored every now and then is a sign of good parenting, writes Mercedes Maguire DO YOU scrunch your face in frustration when your hear your child mutter the dreaded phrase, "I'm bored"? Take a deep breath and unclench your fists - guess what?

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Why parents should feel good about saying no to their kids

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Why parents should feel good about saying no to their kids

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Georgina Manning interviewed for the Sydney Morning Herald

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"The pendulum has swung too far and we've gone from not being emotionally attuned with our children to thinking that protecting them from any discomfort or things that they don't want to do is a way of showing love," says Manning.

Rather than feeling bad about saying "no" to our kids, here's five reasons why we should feel good about it:

1. Kids need to feel discomfort

Yes, it can be gut-wrenching to watch your kids struggle, and the temptation to minimise or remove their discomfort can be great. But this can set them up for failure later on because life is, at times, uncomfortable. And when they're older, no one is going to create a false reality where discomfort doesn't exist for them.

"A trend that I'm seeing is that parents are keeping their kids home from school when they've had a little upset the day before or if their child has a bit of anxiety about swimming, camp, speaking on assembly, or something else they don't want to do," Manning says.

"But if parents protect their child from uncomfortable emotions, when they're older they won't know how to cope with those feelings. Avoidance grows anxiety because it teaches them that the thing that they are anxious about is so bad that the person who is in charge of their life thinks they can't possibly manage it."

2. Kids need to learn to wait

Learning to delay gratification can be a tough and tantrum-inducing lesson, but it is one of the most important factors for success in life.

Manning says she sees parents who provide a constant stream of positive on-demand experiences instead of making children wait for treats, such as making them do their home responsibilities before they play or saving up for a toy or a holiday.

"Life is full of waiting and life is hard," says Manning. "We have to work to get what we want, whether that's a thing or success; we can't just instantly get it and we need to teach our children that really important lesson."

If we give our children exactly what they want when they want it, we also risk raising self-centred, entitled and, at the extreme, narcissistic children.

3. Boundaries make kids feel secure

Too many choices and inconsistent responses and outcomes can cause anxiety in adults. The same applies to children, but one parenting trend is to negotiate with children on pretty much everything. Constant negotiation can make children feel insecure because they never know where they stand or what outcome they are going to get. This can induce anxiety and make kids lose trust in their parents.

"Children always push for boundaries, they are pushing for those 'nos' and it's our job to give it to them," says Manning. "A 'no' might not be immediately what the child wants but overall it can be comforting for them because they know that there are limits and they feel cared for and safe."

Saying "no" doesn't need to be a shouting match or followed with lengthy discussions or justifications, Manning says.

"A positive way to say no is: 'In our house we....(only have half an hour of iPad a night). End of discussion. Walk out of the room.' It lasts a few seconds, not an hour."

4. Kids need to know their parents are in charge

Any parent knows that being in charge and making the decisions all the time can be exhausting. It is too much for us to expect our children to take on that responsibility.

"Hierarchy has really gone out of fashion in parenting. But psychologically, it's really important for kids to know that the person looking after them is in control," says Manning.

"I see parents pleading with their child. 'Please do this' or 'Please don't hit that child'. This puts the child in charge."

5. Kids need parents to be parents and not friends

I'm sure I'm not the only parent who has worried that my children won't love me, either now or when they grow up.

Manning says that she sees parents tolerating disrespect from their children because they are worried about losing their kids' friendship.

"One of the reasons parents don't say 'no' is that they see their role as a friend and friends don't say 'no'," Manning says. "If you see yourself as your child's friend rather than their parent, then it's very difficult to put those boundaries in place."

But the good news is that there is no evidence to suggest that loving but firm parenting breaks the parent-child bond. In fact, in might just be the foundation for a healthier and more respectful relationship with your children when they reach adulthood.

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Why parents should feel good about saying 'no' to their kids

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"The pendulum has swung too far and we've gone from not being emotionally attuned with our children to thinking that protecting them from any discomfort or things that they don't want to do is a way of showing love," says Manning.

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Georgina Manning interviewed for the Sydney Morning Herald.

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When it comes to the pursuit of extra-curricular activities, parental anxieties run deep.

It's not unusual for kids to do lessons such as ballet, martial arts, gymnastics, maths tutoring, football, tennis, piano, chess, drama or cricket, every afternoon after school. Some kids do multiple classes on the same day.

"We all want to be the best parents we can, but we need to look at our definition of success," writes Kasey Edwards. Credit:Stocksy

I know kids who don't make it home before 7pm every night of the week. And then they're doing more classes or formal sport on the weekend.

Despite research showing that homework for young kids does not deliver the imagined academic benefits, parents demand it from schools.

And then some insist their kids do even more work by setting their own homework and taking them to private maths and English classes. Even pre-school children are being sent to private tutors.

Extra-curricular activities have become an arms race. We fear that our children will miss out or be left behind. We don't want our kid to be the only child who can't do a cartwheel, shoot a ball into a hoop, play Bach's English and French Suites on the piano or do multiplication in Prep.

And it's a con. Parents have been guilted into believing that more extra curricular activities equals better; that cramming as much knowledge, skills and experience into our children as early as possible is synonymous with good parenting. On the contrary, over-scheduling kids is a recipe for increasing childhood anxiety.

Director of Wellbeing for Kids, Georgina Manning, says that she has seen a dramatic increase in anxiety and emotional distress in children in recent years.

"Rushing children around and filling every spare moment of their lives with 'interesting' activities doesn't teach children how to manage stress. It just creates stressed out kids," says Manning, who is a registered counsellor and psychotherapist.

"Kids need to learn how to manage their own time, manage being on their own, manage boredom, and build their own interests for the sheer enjoyment of them - not for an outcome or achievement."

Still, it's not surprising that parents are rushing to sign their kids up to activities and classes. Even before we give birth, we are flooded with brochures displaying savvy marketing from companies cashing in on our parental anxieties. And it just doesn't let up. They pry open our wallets with talk of "brain development" and "self-esteem" and giving our kids a "head start."

What parent wouldn't want all those things for their kids? My first daughter was booked into swimming lessons when she was six-months old. She hated it. I hated it. And all she learned was to scream whenever she saw water. But I persisted with it because I thought that's just what good parents did.

Multinational tutoring giant Kumon boasts, "One father's love for his child led to supporting the dreams of children all over the world."

Really? That may be their parents' dream but I'm going to go out on a limb and suggest that most kids would prefer to be dreaming about fairies and super-powers and building cloud castles in the sky than prime numbers and long division.

And Kumon doesn't come cheaply. As Kumon Australia tells prospective franchisees, expect to rake in tens of thousands each month.

As a culture, we no longer value play for the sake of play. We don't have time for the wonder of childhood anymore. How's a cloud castle going to get little Johnny a job? Unless we can turn the construction of the cloud castle into a mathematical problem, we consider it a waste of time.

If our children are allowed to play at all, then it needs to be structured, measured, expert-endorsed, adult-led, paid for learning dressed up as play.

We've made the mistake of thinking that achievement and skill development will lead to wellbeing. And it is a mistake.

For starters, where are all these thriving genius children as a result of all this skill development hot-housing? We need only look at the increase in anxiety, depression, self-harm and suicide in our children to know that we are getting things wrong. Big time.

Manning says that if children are too busy to "play", then they don't get a chance to rest their brain and switch off the stress response.

"Ideally, children should experience 'flow' most days. Flow is when they totally lose track of time and have full engagement in enjoyable activities that don't necessarily have an outcome or are achievement-based, such as winning a game."

Examples of flow activities include: constructing Lego, drawing, creating or building something, playing with friends, imagination games, reading, sport that doesn't have a focus on winning, and crucially, activities instigated by the child, rather than adult-directed.

And what if the child does excel at piano or the arts? Are achievement-oriented parents really going to be happy if their child pursues a career where the median income from musical work in Australia is between $7,000-$8,000?

Or will they be happy for their child to pursue a winner-takes-all career in athletics where they peak in their 20s, after which it's downhill?

Rejecting the parental pressure to focus on our children's achievement is difficult. We fear that not pushing our kids or maximising their experiences will somehow impair their university options, or their income as adults.

We all want to be the best parents we can, but we need to look at our definition of success.

Surely the best job a parent can do is to give their children a childhood that is calm and happy, where they are free to explore who they are, make mistakes, have fun, and learn how to be kind and well-rounded people.
Kasey Edwards is a writer and best-selling author.

Writer, author of '30-Something and Over It'. View more articles from Kasey Edwards.

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When did over-scheduling our kids become a sign of good parenting?

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Normal text size Larger text size Very large text size When it comes to the pursuit of extra-curricular activities, parental anxieties run deep. It's not unusual for kids to do lessons such as ballet, martial arts, gymnastics, maths tutoring, football, tennis, piano, chess, drama or cricket, every afternoon after school.