# data[].attributes.body
mood: alright
doing: nothing
--
i was happy this afternoon. i made a note to write it down right now. i was thinking about how good things were/are, i was happy.

i did well on my business report, even though it was different from the other kids'. "above a pass". i'm wondering if there's a correlation between me not talking to anyone and my mood. the only person i talk to is b, so maybe its not talking to b specifically.

consider: static. flux.

even thinking about talking to people makes me horribly nervous.
--
#log

# data[].attributes.body
mood: numb
doing: business report
--
i havent been? happy in a while.
i ruin everything. i just want to be alone so i can't hurt anybody, so i can't tell if anyone's hurting.
0 days clean btw.
i want. aer to recover. and if ae cant. i want aer to go to psych.
--
#log

# data[].attributes.body
mood: very anxious, tired, hungry
doing: trying to get skype to work
--
i forgot to check in yesterday but a summary:
- eb's 16th birthday
- b broke aer promise
- math exam
- counsellor appt
- all in all a very mixed feelings day

today is my biology exam and im shitting myself i just. b is getting sick again and i want to ask aer the hard questions - are you even trying to recover specifically. if ae isnt then im not sure i can support aer, or be happy with aer.
--
#log

# data[].attributes.body
mood: anxious, tired
doing: watching tv, talking to b
--
i have my appt w the guidance officer tomorrow. im tired of arguing w b about aer appearance. ae look fine.
--
#log

# data[].attributes.body
Exercise (running, walking, etc.). Put on fake tattoos. Write (poetry, stories, journal). Scribble/doodle on paper. Be with other people. Watch a favorite TV show. Post on web boards, and answer others' posts. Go see a movie. Do a wordsearch or crossword. Do schoolwork. Play a musical instrument. Paint your nails, do your make-up or hair. Sing. Study the sky. Punch a punching bag. Cover yourself with Band-Aids where you want to cut. Let yourself cry. Take a nap (only if you are tired). Take a hot shower or relaxing bath. Play with a pet. Go shopping. Clean something. Knit or sew. Read a good book. Listen to music. Try some aromatherapy (candle, lotion, room spray). Meditate. Go somewhere very public. Bake cookies. Alphabetize your CDs/DVDs/books. Paint or draw. Rip paper into itty-bitty pieces. Shoot hoops, kick a ball. Write a letter or send an email. Plan your dream room (colors/furniture). Hug a pillow or stuffed animal. Hyperfocus on something like a rock, hand, etc. Dance. Make hot chocolate, milkshake or smoothie. Play with modeling clay or Play-Dough. Build a pillow fort. Go for a nice, long drive. Complete something you've been putting off. Draw on yourself with a marker. Take up a new hobby. Look up recipes, cook a meal. Look at pretty things, like flowers or art. Create or build something. Pray. Make a list of blessings in your life. Read the Bible. Go to a friend's house. Jump on a trampoline. Watch an old, happy movie. Contact a hotline/ your therapist. Talk to someone close to you. Ride a bicycle. Feed the ducks, birds, or squirrels. Color with Crayons. Memorize a poem, play, or song. Stretch. Search for ridiculous things on the internet. “Shop” on-line (without buying anything). Color-coordinate your wardrobe. Watch fish. Make a CD/playlist of your favorite songs. Play the “15 minute game.” (Avoid something for 15 minutes, when time is up start again.) Plan your wedding/prom/other event. Plant some seeds. Hunt for your perfect home or car on-line. Try to make as many words out of your full name as possible. Sort through your photographs. Play with a balloon. Give yourself a facial. Find yourself some toys and play. Start collecting something. Play video/computer games. Clean up trash at your local park. Perform a random act of kindness for someone. Text or call an old friend. Write yourself an "I love you because…" letter. Look up new words and use them. Rearrange furniture. Write a letter to someone that you may never send. Smile at least five people. Play with little kids. Go for a walk (with or without a friend). Put a puzzle together. Clean your room /closet. Try to do handstands, cartwheels, or backbends. Yoga. Teach your pet a new trick. Learn a new language. Move EVERYTHING in your room to a new spot. Get together with friends and play Frisbee, soccer or basketball. Hug a friend or family member. Search on-line for new songs/artists. Make a list of goals for the week/month/year/5 years. Face paint. - See more at: http://www.yourlifeyourvoice.org/pages/tip-99-coping-skills.aspx#sthash.80Ykiovn.dpuf

# data[].attributes.body
mood: uneasy, sad, disgusted
doing: talking to b (aes drunk), watching tv, just ate
--
i hate how many calories ive eaten today and im worried b will self harm even though its aer birthday
--
#log

# data[].attributes.body
mood: sad if anything
doing: sort of talking to b, studying (math), watching food network
--
happy birthday b sorry im such a fat and ugly disappointment
at least ill get good grades for you
--
#log

# data[].attributes.body
mood: tired and okay
doing: watching food network, yawning, just finished drawing stuff for b's birthday
--
i forgot to check in this morning but today was a good day, stuff hapen:
- had my first Actual Coffee (mocha)
- mom got me 3 succulents
- i took way too many paint squares
- got a cool canvas bag

also b got a really amazing cake for aer bday and apparently went urban exploring in an abandoned hospital with aer mom... im hoping b didnt like, find an abandoned scalpel or anything...???? is that a thing??? also b got my letter a few days ago with the tea and i hope ae likes it

vaguely worried b is becoming my entire life (i dont shut up about aer like ever) but i think i might be okay with that
--
#log

# data[].attributes.body
mood: stressed, pleased
doing: counting up calories, talking to no one, watching chopped
--
im hoping my stomach doesnt growl at dinner and give away my little secret
--
#log

# data[].attributes.body
mood: empty, okay, horny
doing: talking to no one, wet, tired
--
woke up half an hour ago and immediately started jacking off, but i cant???? orgasm?????
--
#log

# data[].attributes.body
mood: empty, suicidal
doing: talking to no one, watching tv
--
i didn't eat enough today. i feel good about that.
--
#log

# data[].attributes.body
mood: dread, numb, tired
doing: talking to no one, reading nosleep, just woke up
--
i hate waking up. whats the fucking point
--
#log

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.title
3 ways to talk yourself up | Confidence | ReachOut Australia

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.description
The way you talk to yourself can really impact your confidence. Find out how to change the direction of your self-talk.

# data[].attributes.body
mood: anxious, splitting (r, j, jd)
doing: talking to b, looking up posi coping mechanisms
--
worried that b will self harm. wanna talk to headspace but im gonna try and help myself calm down first.
--
#log