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"The Ten Top Ways to Keep Your Friends" book by Barbara Coloroso

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"The Ten Top Ways to Keep Your Friends" book by Barbara Coloroso

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Dr. Ron Taffel (Nuturing Good Children Now) writes that what is most important is how kids are treated at home.

At home your children need the opportunity to develop their abilities to listen, exchange ideas, and work with others toward a common goal.  The need to be able to control their own behavior and anticipate the conquences of words they speak and actions they take.

Kids bring to school the attitudes and behaviors they learned at home.

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"Yikes! I'm not up for this. I'm out of here."

"Wow, man, you poured that on thick; I don't need this; I'm gone."

"That was a gross thing to do.  It's beneath both of us."

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It is the "backbone" family that is able to raise the type of child who can rebuff the bully,.

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From a Research Paper Regarding IB and Caring

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From a Research Paper Regarding IB and Caring

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Bullying is not an easy concept, even for IB students, as evidenced by this excerpt:

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Book about Bullying Written in IB Language

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Book about Bullying Written in IB Language

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Learner Profile: Principled is to act with integrity and honesty, with a strong sense of fairness, justice and respect for the dignity of the individual, groups and communities. It is to take responsibility for their own actions and the consequences that

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International Baccalaureate article on Bullying

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International Baccalaureate article on Bullying

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In the second article in a series discussing bullying, IB World magazine looks at how student-led strategies are helping IB World Schools raise empathy and tackle bullying
Although statistics demonstrate how widespread bullying is, incidents often go unreported. Embarrassment, fear and not wanting to get classmates in trouble are likely reasons, but also because students don't always recognize that they are being bullied, or being a bully.

Interrogation and punishment are traditional ways of dealing with bully behaviour. But many IB World Schools are finding that an open and honest discussion between students is key to help them identify and tackle bullying.

The IB Learner Profile attributes of being caring and principled emphasize the responsibility of all students to act respectfully and be understanding of one another. But students are also using their effective communication skills to reflect on past actions, using what they learnt to diffuse a situation before it escalates in future. They're taking risks, mustering up the courage to candidly discuss this difficult topic.

The power of words

Grade 6, 7 and 8 students at IB World School Prem Tinsulanonda International, in Thailand, recently held a three-day workshop to highlight the effects of bullying, recognize the harm it causes, and discuss strategies to stop it.

"This is the most proactive way to tackle bullying," says Amandine Lecesne, Whole School Counsellor. "It gives students strategies for identifying bullying when it happens and getting help to combat it. It also raises the level of empathy students have towards one another.

Having an open and dynamic dialogue all year-round about the subject is important.

Grade 6 students watched a short student project about the effects of bullying, while Grade 7 and 8 students watched the "To This Day" graphic poem, by Shane Koyczan, who recalls his experiences.

Learning about the long-lasting effects of bullying encouraged students to share times when they had bullied someone and consider how the target felt. They wrote heartfelt pledge letters reflecting on their actions and what they promise to do differently in future, such as: "I will never make someone feel sad or irrelevant," "I promise to use my words to cheer people up, not to make them feel bad," "I am not proud of my past words and actions and from today onwards, I will promise that my words will only be used for happiness and kindness," and "I will be more responsible with the power of my words".

"Students also explained what it felt like to be a target. They noted what they would say to bullies if they had no fear. These messages are now displayed outside the school library, alongside information about bullying. The exercise helped students recognize that bullying is more than physical actions and mean words", says Lecesne.

The workshops have given students the opportunity to reflect on the power of their words and how important it is to use that power for kindness.

At Fountainhead School, in India, bullying is regularly discussed in life skills class. PYP students wrote letters to bullies, or victims, to express their feelings, too. As part of these classes, they learn about sexuality education, gender roles, self-esteem and stereotypes, which all help shape their response towards negative situations that may arise.

It's good to TALK

Escuela Bilingüe Internacional (EBI), California, gives PYP students the autonomy to solve problems amongst themselves, with adult support. The school works with No Bully, a national non-profit organization, to train and guide teachers through a series of interventions.

When a bullying incident happens, a Solution Team of students come together to appeal to the perpetrator's empathy. The team includes the bully, the bully-followers and positive leaders from the peer group. A Solution Team Leader (educator) asks the team to solve the bullying and provides guidance as needed.

"This approach lays out how the student feels, whether it's sad or lonely or frustrated," says Jon Fulk, Head of School. "Most Solution Teams successfully end bullying situations after one or two meetings without using punishment."

The Solution Team Leader then directs the students through two structured follow-up meetings; the target typically attends the second meeting.

If students are in conflict, EBI teachers help them talk it through before it escalates. They use a No Bully process called TALK, which stands for Tell what happened and how you feel, Ask for what you need, Look for solutions, K eep the best solution.

Students feel confident using TALK. EBI student Dolores says, "I usually don't argue with my friends, I am a pacifist but my teachers have shared the TALK protocol with me and if I ever need to resolve a conflict, I know what to do."

TALK is not just for the classroom. EBI uses it as a protocol for approaching conflicts between adults, and students are using it at home. Zachary, 7th grade student, says, "My mother uses the TALK protocol with me, specially when I disagree with my brothers."

Empower all students

Honest and open discussions about bullying empower students, and ensure incidents are reported and dealt with appropriately.

"In order for students to identify bullying, it is important for them to first understand the correct meaning. Students who know what bullying is can identify it better," says Fatema Maskati, counselor at Fountainhead School.

Encourage students to answer questions asked during discussions honestly. There are no right or wrong answers. Assure them that they are not alone in addressing any problems that arise.

Tell us how your students tackle bullying: email editor@ibo.org

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In the second article in a series discussing bullying, IB World magazine looks at how student-led strategies are helping IB World Schools raise empathy and tackle bullying Although statistics demonstrate how widespread bullying is, incidents often go unreported.

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Center for Disease Control Bullying Prevention

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Center for Disease Control Bullying Prevention

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Bullying is wide-spread and if communities fail to prevent it, our children's health, mental health and academic success may be compromised.
b) |  | Children who are at greatest risk of bullying include those who have learning disabilities, autism, special health care needs, weight problems, and those who are lesbian, gay, bisexual, or transgender, are questioning their sexual orientation, or do not conform to gender stereotypes.
c) |  | Although there are a variety of federal and state laws related to bullying, bullying often goes unreported and, therefore, unaddressed.

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CNN

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In the last few months, the word rippled through news reports of tragic teen suicides in Connecticut, New York, Nova Scotia and Britain.

It's the same word sometimes used to describe the way reality TV stars treat one another on camera, or how unfriendly office mates interact or why grade school pals stop getting along.

Every parent, teacher and child knows the word: "bullying." But this month, as schools and communities launch fresh campaigns around National Bullying Prevention Month, some are urging more precise use of the B-word.

"Bullying," some researchers say, has been misused and abused in the last few years -- too casually uttered about every hurt, slight and fight, too frequently used in place of "teasing" or "fighting," too often brought up before there's proof it happened.

The very word, some say, has been bullied.

"By calling everything bullying, we're actually failing to recognize the seriousness of the problem," said Elizabeth Englander, a professor of psychology and founder and director of the Massachusetts Aggression Reduction Center at Bridgewater State University. "It's one of the unfortunate side effects of doing an awareness campaign ... everyone wants to adopt it."

It began a few years ago, as horrifying stories of bullying hit the media and serious awareness began to spread. Educators, lawmakers, parents and children all tried to make sense of it, even as it evolved with the latest social network. But along the way, people sometimes confused bullying with the unfortunate -- but normal -- moments of angry, thoughtless or hurtful behavior.

Actual bullying, many educators and social scientists say, is intentional, repetitive abuse by a powerful person toward a less powerful target.

But not everyone defines it the same way: Although most states have bullying laws on the books, according to the Education Commission of the States, it's handled differently around the country. New Hampshire's law specifies that an act need occur only once -- not multiple times -- to be bullying. Nebraska's law calls on local districts to create bullying policies. Several states recently added provisions to cover cyberbullying -- bullying or harassment through technology. Laws in Massachusetts and New Jersey detail how educators should prevent, report and investigate bullying.

Say the word in almost any school these days, and it will get a quick reaction. In many cases, advocates said, that's helpful. But sometimes, when it's not really bullying, kids miss out on a chance to learn to cope with minor conflicts on their own.

"The label 'bullying' is really incendiary," Englander said. "It ratchets everything up emotionally. It makes it hard to really address, rationally, what the best course of action is."

The people hurt most by the overuse of "bullying," Englander said, are young people most desperate for a solution -- those in the midst of very real, traumatic instances of bullying, students whose pain might be overlooked in a crush of reported cases.

"Being deliberately isolated and laughed at cruelly every single day can be devastating socially and academically, because the target must both endure the present and constantly dread the future," Englander wrote in the book " Bullying and Cyberbulling," released this month. "It's this unrelenting cruelty and the callous nature of such an environment that is watered down when we include every social slight or quarrel under the bullying rubric."

"If everyone's a victim," she wrote, "then no one's a victim."

Still, some educators and parents worry that even scaling back on the word "bullying" could put a chill on training and conversations about bullying -- and quash the newfound courage some have found to stand up against it.

'It wasn't all that simple'

Even after years of training, it can be hard to untangle the threads of a possible bullying case.

Becki Cohn-Vargas, an educator for more than two decades, recalled how conflicts between students were never as black-and-white as they seemed at first. A child who bullied might express remorse, then relapse. A girl would complain of bullying by a child she'd once targeted. LGBT students in a school known for its kind atmosphere would quietly admit to daily torment. Religious students were targeted, and secular students, too. All over the playground and lunchroom, students might freeze out another child, demeaning him without saying a word.

To identify a child as a bully or victim was difficult -- and dangerous.

"As a principal, parents would come to my school and you'd kind of dig in, and it wasn't all that simple," Cohn-Vargas said. "It's not like there are bad bullies and good kids. Every kid is able to do some kind of bullying behavior."

People should be diligent about how they use the word bullying, Cohn-Vargas said, but that doesn't mean they should stop talking about it. As the director of Not in Our School, she now advocates creating "identity safe" schools. The idea is to prevent bullying and create a positive learning spaces by teaching kids about each others' cultures and encouraging them to step up if they believe someone will be hurt by another person's actions.

Englander, of the Massachusetts Aggression Reduction Center, suggests teachers and parents talk with students immediately if they see a behavior that violates social norms; whether it's the only time it has happened, or it's part of a bullying situation, young people need to hear right away that it's not OK to whisper about others or tease people, for example.

But even schools that feel safe will sometimes experience fist fights, tearful teasing -- and bullying. After many years of research and practice, Cohn-Vargas now knows she shouldn't respond to them all the same way, and that bullying prevention training has to be ongoing.

"It's not a one-shot assembly or learn the rules thing," she said. "You have to have a really good understanding of the definition, and everyone has to know how to respond."

It's one thing to train teachers and school staff members, but it can be tough to train people outside the school, especially parents.

"Nothing was bullying 25 years ago. It was kids being kids. Not saying it was right, but parents thought it was part of growing up," said Kevin Quinn, president of the National Association of School Resource Officers. "Now we see a lot of parents trying to generalize what bullying is -- any time kids do something to each other, let's call it bullying and deal with it that way."

At the Arizona high school where he works, they get more reports of bullying than they once did, but they also spend time researching whether they're really onetime scrapes, minor offenses, criminal activities that should be handled by police or acts of bullying that need to be reported to administration.

"The last thing we want to do is start turning every single kid in the school into a suspect," he said. "You've got to train teachers, staff, get information to parents. The definition (of bullying) is only as good as the people that know it."

'Not a word we're afraid to use'

Susan Guess now knows the definition by heart, for reasons she never could have imagined.

Just a few years ago, neither Guess nor her daughter, Morgan, thought they needed to know much about bullying. She was a fixture in her daughter's classroom. They were close, always talking. If there was ever a problem, she was sure Morgan would tell her.

But when Morgan entered third grade, Guess began to notice a few changes -- little things, like how Morgan walked past her friends to spend time with one girl, or how that girl always seemed to lead Morgan around. Morgan mentioned nothing, and at first, Guess didn't ask. When she finally did, Morgan was ready to talk.

The girl was pinching her and pulling her hair, Morgan said. She might elbow her in the back one day, and hold her hand the next. She wouldn't let her play with her other friends. If she complained, Morgan feared it would get worse.

The girl wanted to be her friend, Morgan explained, but she didn't know how.

Meanwhile, Morgan had grown anxious and depressed. She began to have stomach spasms, and to struggle more academically. The realization made Guess felt a little ill, too.

"Our schools spent time talking about the issue, but she did not know -- and I had not equipped her -- with the skills she needed to stand up for herself," Guess said, recalling those hard months two years ago.

Guess worked with the school to separate the girls, and the physical bullying mostly stopped. Guess would still sometimes find the child trying to block Morgan -- "a power play" -- or inserting herself among Morgan's friends.

Eventually, the girl changed schools.

Guess realized, though, that just as her daughter struggled to tell an adult what was happening, parents might not realize that their children were being bullied, or might worry they'd be seen as a troublemaker.

The mother and daughter launched the Guess Anti-Bullying Foundation to help educate their western Kentucky community about what bullying looks like, and how to create kinder, more empathetic schools. It can be difficult: Schools can't label a bully with the "Scarlet B," she said, but it was hard to feel any sensitivity toward the girl who'd hurt her daughter.

She's grateful for the education she's received on bullying, but doesn't believe the word is overused. You have to say it, she said, to help children understand which relationships are healthy, which ones aren't, and how to help a person in need.

"A child is suffering, and we spend so much time saying, 'This is bullying, this isn't bullying,' " Guess said. "If we've gained anything, I hope we're better people, more sensitive to our interactions with other people."

At age 10, Morgan is now doing wonderfully, Guess said. She's stronger academically, less shy than before and has been honored for her work to help people understand bullying. Bully, Guess said, "is not a word we're afraid to use anymore."

Last month, as Guess walked through the hallway of her daughter's school, she noticed a handwritten poster hanging on the wall.

"What is a bully?" it said in a child's writing, a small heart atop the "I."

"A bully is a bigger or stronger person that hurts or frightens a smaller or weaker person on purpose," it answered in rainbow letters, "over and over again."

Guess snapped a photo, and posted it on her anti-bullying foundation's Facebook page: "Every single act of education," she wrote,"makes a difference."

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In the last few months, the word rippled through news reports of tragic teen suicides in Connecticut, New York, Nova Scotia and Britain. It's the same word sometimes used to describe the way reality TV stars treat one another on camera, or how unfriendly office mates interact or why grade school pals stop getting along.

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by Steve Seskin and Allen Shamblin

Don't laugh at me, don't call me names,
Don't take your pleasure from my pain.
I'm a little boy with glasses
The one they call a geek,
A little girl who never smiles
'Cause I have braces on my  teeth
And I know how it feels to cry myself to sleep
I'm that kid on every playground
Who's always chosen last
A single teenage mother
Tryin' to overcome my past
You don't have to be my friend
But is it too much to ask: Don't laugh at me
Don't call me names
Don't get your pleasure from my pain...
Don't laugh at me I'm fat, I'm thin, I'm short, I'm tall
I'm deaf, I'm blind, hey aren't we all.

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10 Emotional Anti-Bullying Videos on YouTube

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10 Emotional Anti-Bullying Videos on YouTube

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Over the last couple of years bullying has reared its head as the most serious issue faced by children and teens today. To spread the word about this issue, try to garner support and put an end to bullying, teens and adults alike have turned to YouTube. Sad, as well as inspiring, stories of bullying have gone viral over the past year and we've compiled a list of some of the most moving and emotional videos shared.

What's going on...

We were inspired to put this list together thanks to this video, which went viral over the weekend and has already racked up over 3.1 million views. It features Jonah Mowry, a gay teen who has been bulled since first grade, telling his emotional story on flash cards.

Although this video just went viral, it was created three months ago, just before Jonah began his eighth grade year. Perez Hilton reports that Jonah is doing well and happy, despite the fact that many cyber-haters have bullied Jonah further in the past couple of days, calling his video fake.

Yesterday Jonah resurfaced in a video in which he feels obligated to show his scars as "proof," but appears to be doing much better than when he made the original video.

Words DO Hurt

Back in March, 13-year old Alye Pollack went viral with a similar video, in which she tells the story of her bullying by holding up note cards. It looks like Alye served as an inspiration for Jonah's video as well.

Casey Heynes

15-year old Casey Heynes from Australia became a viral sensation last March when he stood up to his bully, body slamming him. The video riled up a lot of support for Casey, but was also controversial. Many people felt that Casey shouldn't have resorted to violence, but others felt he had no other option. What's your opinion?

Bully Richard Gale Interview (Bully of Casey Heynes)

This interview with Casey's bully, Richard Gale, delves a little bit deeper into the story of the video above.

Kids React To Bullying

As an adult it can be hard to grasp how kids these days really feel about bullying. In honor of National Bullying Prevention Month, The Fine Brothers showed the 'Kids React' kids the Casey Heynes video and ask the kids to react and share their personal stories about bullying and what they think schools and parents can do to prevent it. It's really interesting to hear about bullying from a kids' perspective.

It Gets Better, I promise!

The following story is incredibly sad. Jamey Rodemeyer, a 14-year old from Buffalo, New York, created this inspirational video about how he has been bullied and that his idols like Lady Gaga give him the courage to live on and that he knows that it gets better. Unfortunately, Jamey's video went viral in September after he took his own life. Embedding for this video has been disabled. Click here to watch it on YouTube.

Lady Gaga - Hair (A Jamey Rodemeyer Tribute)

Lady Gaga pays tribute to Jamey at one of her concerts.

Joel Burns tells gay teens "it gets better"

This incredibly moving video has been viewed over 2.6 million times in a little over a year. Fort Worth, Texas City Councilman Joe Burns tells his personal story of inspiration and hope at a City Council meeting in the hopes of helping bullied kids understand that it really does get better.

Bullied Kid Turns Survivor

Bullying doesn't have to end badly. CBS reports a story of a bully that had a change of heart and actually ended up befriending his victim and helping him make positive changes.

Anti-Bullying Flashmob January 2011

In honor of International Anti-Bullying Day last February, two schools came together to organize a flash mob with an anti-bullying message of acceptance.
Megan O'Neill is the resident web video enthusiast here at Social Times. Megan covers everything from the latest viral videos to online video news and tips, and has a passion for bizarre, original and revolutionary content and ideas.

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10 Emotional Anti-Bullying Videos On YouTube

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Over the last couple of years bullying has reared its head as the most serious issue faced by children and teens today. To spread the word about this issue, try to garner support and put an end to bullying, teens and adults alike have turned to YouTube.

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Bullying is about Contempt (not anger and not conflict)

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Bullying is about Contempt (not anger and not conflict)

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Contempt is a powerful feeling of dislike toward somebody considered to be worthless, inferior, or undeserving of respect.

Contempt comes with:
1.  A sense of entitlement - the privilege and right to control, dominate, subjugate, and otherwise abuse another human being.
2.  An intolerance toward differences - different equals inferior and thus not worthy of respect.
3. A liberty to exclude - to bar, isolate, and segregate a person deemed not worthy of respect or care.

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Watch these videos to learn how KB, Josh, Milton, and their friends deal with kids who bully. After watching each video, take a quiz to see how much you know about bullying.

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1.  like to dominate other people
2.  like to use other people to get what they want
3.  find it hard to see a situation from the other person's vantage point
4.  are concerned only with their own wants and pleasures and not the needs, rights, and feelings of others
5.  ten to hurt other kids when parents or other adults are not around
6.  view weaker siblings or peers as prey (bullying is also known as "predatory aggression"--a scary term, to be sure, but not as scary as the actual behavior it defines).
7.  use blame, criticism, and false allegations to project their own inadequacies onto their target
8.  refuse to accept responsibility for their actions
9.  lack foresight--that is, the ability to consider the short-term, long-term, and possible unintended consequences of their current behavior
10. crave attention

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Seven kinds:
1.  confident bully
2.  social bully
3.  fully armored bully
4.  hyperactive bully
5.  bullied bully
6.  bunch of bullies
7. gang of bullies