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personal short story for my creative product

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episode of fresh prince of bel air that shows will's absent father disappointing him again.

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an alternate take on it as it shows the importance of fathers on their daughters.

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Image: Sam Edwards/Caiaimage/Getty Images

You've probably heard that having a strong male influence is important in a young boy's life, but it's equally important for daughters to have one as well. A positive father-daughter relationship can have a huge impact on a young girl's life and even determine whether or not she develops into a strong, confident woman.

A father's influence in his daughter's life shapes her self-esteem, self-image, confidence and opinions of men.

"How Dad approaches life will serve as an example for his daughter to build off of in her own life, even if she chooses a different view of the world," says Michael Austin, associate professor of philosophy at Eastern Kentucky University and editor of Fatherhood - Philosophy for Everyone: The Dao of Daddy.
One Last Look at Obama Being the Best Dad Ever
"What matters in the father-daughter relationship is that Dad seeks to live a life of integrity and honesty, avoiding hypocrisy and admitting his own shortcomings so that she has a realistic and positive example of how to deal with the world. He should try to model a reflective approach to life's big questions so that she can seek to do the same," he adds.

Dads and daughters: From infant to toddler

We now live in a culture where Dad is an equal partner in care giving. From day one, dads are encouraged to be hands-on, changing diapers, giving baths, putting Baby to sleep and calming her cries. That presence and effort is the beginning of a very important relationship.

According to Austin, this quality time together is crucial at all stages of a girl's life.

"Dads need to spend time with their infant daughter, taking care of her physical needs and supporting her Mom," he explains. And once the little lady starts toddling around, "[i]t's essential that Dad gets down on the floor - on her level - and plays with her," Austin says.

Fathers and daughters: From tween to teen

It's those pesky "hormonal" years that can often have dads shying away from their moody and sometimes standoffish daughter. When there's a tween girl in the house, "[d]ads should focus on cultivating a trusting relationship so that their daughters feel secure talking with them about what's going on in their lives," Austin explains. "When necessary, dads should apologize and ask for forgiveness, as this both shows respect and love to our daughters and heals the hurts that are inevitable in daily life together."

As a girl continues to grow and her teen years become fraught with complicated issues, dads should continue to work on building a trusting relationship, give affection and support her as she learns more about who she is and what kind of person she wants to become, Austin says.

"It's imperative that, no matter what, dads avoid the temptation to pull away or withdraw during this sometimes challenging stage of growing up."
Dad Who Was Fired for Attending His Son's Birth Gets (Getter) Job Offers
A father's influence on a daughter's self-image

A dad's involvement in his daughter's life is a crucial ingredient in the development of a young woman's self-esteem. Austin identifies positive elements of "common sense" parenting for dads so they can help support their daughter's self-image and curb any possibility of low self-esteem: Verbal encouragement, being consistently present in her life, being alert and sensitive to her feelings, taking time to listen to her thoughts and taking an active interest in her hobbies.

"It's important to actually do these things, which can sometimes be quite challenging," Austin adds. Direct involvement and encouragement by her father will help diminish a girl's insecurity and increase her confidence in her own abilities.

How dads influence their daughter's relationships

The type of men that women date and have long-term relationships with are also directly related to the kind of relationship a girl has with her father. Obviously, the hope is that the father figure in a girl's life will aim to skew that young lady's opinions of men in a positive way.

"He must, first and foremost, treat his daughter with respect and love. Whether or not he is married to or still together with his daughter's mom, showing respect to her mother is essential as well," explains Austin. "He must also value women as human beings, and not as persons to be used. Daughters will see what their dads believe about women by how they value and respect women, or by how they fail to do so."
Dad Texts Daughter Reasons He Loves Her Mom, We All Swoon Originally published October 2012. Updated February 2017.

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Having a positive relationship with Dad can really influence a young girl's whole life

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You've probably heard that having a strong male influence is important in a young boy's life, but it's equally important for daughters to have one as well. A positive father-daughter relationship can have a huge impact on a young girl's life and even determine whether or not she develops into a strong, confident woman.

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The father-son relationship can be complex. Fathers and sons with widely different interests can find it hard to relate to one another. Sometimes dads and sons feel competitive against one another. Sometimes their male tendencies to not communicate feelings are compounded as both want a better father-son relationship but neither one quite knows how to go about it.

As I have watched my own relationships with my sons, thought about my relationship with my own father, and observed many fathers and sons interact with one another over the years, I have identified some key elements to creating and building a strong father-son relationship.

Building a Strong Relationship With Your Son

1. Recognize that sons are influenced by their fathers. Whether we know it or not, our sons learn about being a man primarily by watching their fathers. A father's influence on his son's personal development is often unseen but nonetheless real. As a young man watches his father interact with his mother, he learns about respect (or disrespect), about how men and women interact and about how men should deal with conflict and differences. As he watches his dad interact with other men, he will learn how men talk, how they relate with one another and how they deal with masculine issues.

Understanding that a father's influence on his son is unmatched will help dad think more deeply about his relationship with his son and take that relationship more seriously.

2. Develop common interests. This is a lesson I learned from my own dad. My dad was a law enforcement officer during my growing up years and he worked a lot of shift work.

Dad was a man's man in many ways. He played a lot of sports and enjoyed time with his friends (what little he had other than at work). I was more of a bookworm, was uncoordinated growing up and hated playing sports and physical education at school. He worked really hard to make me like sports and pushed me into things like Little League baseball, but I would have rather been sitting under a tree reading. But one thing we both came to love was camping, and we found some real commonality in the woods setting up a tent or cooking over a fire. When we started to maximize our time together outdoors and spend time together doing something we both enjoyed, our relationship grew.

3. Don't be afraid of a little boisterous play. My boys, especially when they were young, loved anything that was active and rough. A little wrestling in the backyard seemed to go a long way. It seems like with boys, this little bit of wild behavior is a bonding experience. You have to keep them safe, but you can take some very small and calculated risks to give them a more physical experience. Later in life, this may translate into activities like rock climbing, skateboarding, and ice hockey.

4. Get involved in father-son activities. In our family, I found myself getting closest to my sons as we enjoyed Boy Scouting together.

We camped, hiked, worked on merit badges and advancement and just generally liked being together. I was the scoutmaster for my two younger sons and so we have quality time together with them and their friends and me every week and one weekend a month. Consider registering your son as a Boy Scout and then get involved as an adult Scouter volunteer. These structured experiences create opportunities to grow closer.

5. Take on a big project. There is something magical to a boy about being involved in something bigger than himself. That is one reason I enjoy working with my sons on their Eagle Scout projects.

But these big, visible projects can really help a father and son bond. For my dad and me, it was rebuilding a couple of car engines and putting vehicles back in operation. Some dads and sons build planter boxes, landscape a backyard, build a vacation cabin or head off on a big summer biking vacation. Whatever it is, a bigger than life project done together can create a bond that will last a long time and make memories you will talk about together for decades.

6. Listen to your sons. Men seem in general to struggle with effective communication. I find that I always have a tendency to listen for just a minute or two before I decide what the problem is and then I go about creating a fix. Starting from the earliest ages of our sons to listen to them without judgment and without trying to fix things too soon will go a long way to building a lasting relationship. Look for opportunities to be with your sons when you can just listen. Fishing together, going to a sporting event, or taking a road trip can all be effective ways to create a listening environment. Then commit to spending only 25% of the time talking and spend the rest in an active listening mode.

7. Don't be afraid of the big talk. Take the time to teach your sons about sex and relationships. Being open to having these conversations will help your sons develop better attitudes about sex and girls in general. With the ever-increasing presence of sex in the media, on the computer and in conversations with their friends, you will find your relationship not as strong as it could be if you avoid talking about these difficult subjects and let them develop their attitudes about sex and relationships from other sources who may not share your values.

8. Focus on the positives. Our children are bombarded with negative messages all around them. Just watching commercials on television will create a sense of inadequacy in our sons. They probably are not quite as strong, they may not have six pack abs or be quite as good looking as the guys they see on television. As fathers, we need to catch them doing things right and communicate our approval. We should create positive ways to celebrate their accomplishments. Feeding them constant reinforcement will help build relationships of trust and overcome this constant barrage of negativism that they confront daily.

9. Make one on one time. We need to make time for individual relationships with each child. So make sure that you program some one on one time with your sons. My youngest son loves basketball, and we spent many hours shooting hoops in the driveway in the evenings after dinner. My oldest son loved debate in high school, so I learned enough to be a debate judge and went with him to speech and debate tournaments all over the state. Some of our best memories were sitting together in a high school or on the bus going to and from debate events.

10. Focus on the spiritual. Helping a son be grounded spiritually is an important role for a father. Whatever your faith tradition, help your son understand the deeper meaning of life. If you don't have a faith tradition, help him reach for his inner self and try to have a perspective that will help him look at things deeper than on the surface. As a young man gets in tune with nature, God and himself, he will have a pattern in his life that will help him endure hardship and thrive personally. Fathers can have these conversations with their sons in a natural way as they share thoughts and feelings about life, manhood and spiritual things.

Focusing on our sons, spending positive time together and talking about life lessons, scattered with a large dose of quiet and engaged listening, will help fathers and sons develop nurturing and meaningful relationships and help our sons form attitudes which will allow them to develop into men in the richest sense of that term.

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How Fathers Can Strengthen the Relationships With Their Sons

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The father-son relationship can be complex. Fathers and sons with widely different interests can find it hard to relate to one another. Sometimes dads and sons feel competitive against one another. Sometimes their male tendencies to not communicate feelings are compounded as both want a better father-son relationship but neither one quite knows how to go about it.

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a religious websites look at 25 important facts of fatherhood importance

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TGC editor Joe Carter shares twenty-five facts on the importance of a father's presence in a child's life.

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how fathers are the central emotional connection to their kids.

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While almost any man can father a child, there is so much more to the important role of being dad in a child's life. Let's look at who father is, and why he is so important.

Fathers are central to the emotional well-being of their children; they are are capable caretakers and disciplinarians.

Studies show that if your child's father is affectionate, supportive, and involved, he can contribute greatly to your child's cognitive, language, and social development, as well as academic achievement, a strong inner core resource, sense of well-being, good self-esteem, and authenticity.

How fathers influence our relationships.

Your child's primary relationship with his/her father can affect all of your child's relationships from birth to death, including those with friends, lovers, and spouses. Those early patterns of interaction with father are the very patterns that will be projected forward into all relationships...forever more: not only your child's intrinsic idea of who he/she is as he/she relates to others, but also, the range of what your child considers acceptable and loving.

Girls will look for men who hold the patterns of good old dad, for after all, they know how "to do that." Therefore, if father was kind, loving, and gentle, they will reach for those characteristics in men. Girls will look for, in others, what they have experienced and become familiar with in childhood. Because they've gotten used to those familial and historic behavioral patterns, they think that they can handle them in relationships.

Boys on the other hand, will model themselves after their fathers. They will look for their father's approval in everything they do, and copy those behaviors that they recognize as both successful and familiar. Thus, if dad was abusive, controlling, and dominating, those will be the patterns that their sons will imitate and emulate. However, if father is loving, kind, supportive, and protective, boys will want to be that.

Human beings are social animals and we learn by modeling behavior. In fact, all primates learn how to survive and function successfully in the world through social imitation. Those early patterns of interaction are all children know, and it is those patterns that effect how they feel about themselves, and how they develop. Your child is vulnerable to those early patterns and incorporates those behavioral qualities in his/her repertoire of social exchange.

It is impossible to over-estimate the importance of dad. For example, girls who have good relationships with their fathers tend to do better in math, and boys who have actively involved fathers tend to have better grades and perform better on achievement tests. And well-bonded boys develop securely with a stable and sustained sense of self. Who we are and who we are to be, we are becoming, and fathers are central to that outcome.

Only 20 percent of American households consist of married couples with children. Filling the gap are family structures of all kinds, with dads stepping up to the plate and taking on a myriad of roles. When they are engaged, fathers can really make a difference. He may be classically married, single, divorced, widowed, gay, straight, adoptive, step-father, a stay-at-home dad, or the primary family provider. What is important is that he is involved.

The emergence of women into the job market has forever changed how society views the traditional roles of fathers and mothers. Feminism and financial power has shifted classic parenting trends, and today approximately 60 percent of women work. Add to that, the shift in marriage, divorce, lowered birth rates, and family structures of all types, and you can see the emergence of a softening and changing of traditional parenting roles. This transition in economics, urbanization, and sexual roles has led to more opened, flexible, and undefined functions for fathers.

A recent study by the National Institute of Child Health and Human Development (NICHD), indicates that dads are more engaged in caretaking than ever before. The reasons for this are varied, but they include: mothers working more hours and receiving higher salaries, fathers working less, more psychological consciousness, coping skills, mental illness intervention, self-worth issues, intimacy in marriage, social connection, and better role modeling for children.

Further, children who are well-bonded and loved by involved fathers, tend to have less behavioral problems, and are somewhat inoculated against alcohol and drug abuse. Yet when fathers are less engaged, children are more likely to drop out of school earlier, and to exhibit more problems in behavior and substance abuse. Research indicates that fathers are as important as mothers in their respective roles as caregivers, protectors, financial supporters, and most importantly, models for social and emotional behavior. In fact, a relatively new structure that has emerged in our culture is the stay-at-home dad. This prototype is growing daily, thanks in part to women's strong financial gain, the recent recession, increase in corporate lay-offs, and men's emerging strong sense of self.

Even when fathers are physically removed from their families, there are ways for them to nurture healthy relationships with their children. For instance, recognizing the important role fathers play in daughters' lives, Angela Patton started a program in which young girls went to visit their fathers in prison for a father-daughter dance. It was a successful program that has spread across the country and helped not only daughters find connection, love, and support from fathers, but also for fathers to feel important in the lives of their daughters.

When fathers are separated from their children after a divorce, there are many ways they can remain bonded with their children. Though divorce is traumatizing to boys and girls alike, strong, consistent, and loving parenting from fathers can help make the transition successful.

Finally, on this Father's day, it is important to recognize and reward dads for being there, and actively teaching important life skills to children. It is important to their children, and meaningful to dads everywhere when you say "Thank you, job well done." This, after all, is what makes life worth living. This is your true legacy: ensuring the health and well-being of your children, that future generation to be.

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While almost any man can father a child, there is so much more to the important role of being dad in a child's life. Let's look at who father is, and why he is so important. Fathers are central to the emotional well-being of their children; they are are capable caretakers and disciplinarians.

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an article talking about the "father effect"

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Children with involved dads are less likely to break the law and drop out of school. Guided by close relationships with father figures, these kids disproportionately grow up to avoid risky sex, pursue healthy relationships, and hold down high-paying jobs. They're unlikely to become homeless or rely on welfare and more likely to have higher IQ scores than their peers by age three. Longer term, they suffer from fewer psychological problems and may be less prone to obesity.

"When fathers are actively involved with their children, children do better," Paul Amato, a sociologist who studies parent-child relationships at Pennsylvania State University, told Fatherly. "All of this research suggests that fathers are important for a child's development."

If that sounds like a no-brainer, rest assured that it is not. Research on fatherhood and the downstream effects of engaged, thoughtful dad-ing is scant, relative to the extensive literature on motherhood. Strange as it may sound, fatherhood is an emerging field of study. But there's a race underway to make up for lost time. Almost daily, scholars are now releasing new data that illustrates how men can both help and hurt their children. Some of these results - ugly divorces aren't great for kids - are relatively logical. Others are not. One wouldn't necessarily guess that the correlation between a fatherly presence and lack of aggression would be consistent across class. It is. One wouldn't assume dad staying home would be negatively correlated to female delinquency. It is.

"The Father Effect" is the umbrella term for the benefits of a paternal presence. These effects can be numerous when fathers actively participate in family life. "There needs to be a minimum amount of time spent together, but the quality of time is more important than the quantity of time," Amato says. "Just watching television together, for example, isn't going to help much."

Fortunately, it seems that this is what modern fathers want and, in a broader sense, what society expects of them. When we were expecting our son, it was essentially a given that I, the father, would take a hands-on role from pregnancy through birth (and beyond, obviously). I didn't blink when my wife asked me to attend a birthing class with her, and, as a matter of fact, there were few pregnant bellies in the room that weren't accompanied by anxious, aspiring dad bods. The question of whether I would be involved in the labor was never even raised - it was simply a matter of how close I wanted to be to the action. And for the baby's first diaper change, the nurses dutifully passed the tarry black baton to me. It felt both squishy and natural.

It wasn't always thus. That's why the emerging consensus on the importance of fathers during every stage of a child's development is worth monitoring. Scientists are studying, on some level at least, a new phenomenon. Their findings support a conclusion that might change how we parent.
It Starts With Sperm
Fathers are more than just sperm donors, but that doesn't mean one can discount the importance of sperm. There is perhaps no greater and more universal Father Effect than genetic information.

First of all, some parents are inevitably going to pass genetic diseases onto their kids. One way to mitigate that and decrease the odds of passing along the most debilitating diseases is to seek genetic counseling before conceiving, especially if you're a member of a high-risk group.

But for everyone else, there's epigenetics - the study of changes in DNA that are caused by lifestyle choices, the environment, and other outside factors. While we tend to blame mothers for ruining the genetic information in their eggs with drugs and alcohol, until recently we had little concept of how fathers' vices might impact their sperm. We now know that the decisions a man makes before conception can have lifelong impacts on his kids. Studies suggest that men who drink before conception are more likely to have sons who abuse alcohol, and that poor dietary choices in men can lead to negative pregnancy outcomes. At least one study suggests that men who are stressed before conception may predispose their offspring to high blood sugar.

"We know the nutritional, hormonal, and psychological environment provided by the mother permanently alters organ structure, cellular response and gene expression in her offspring," said Joanna Kitlinska of Georgetown University, who ran a study on the subject in 2016, in a statement. "But our study shows the same thing to be true with fathers-his lifestyle, and how old he is, can be reflected in molecules that control gene function."
Great Fathers Are Incubated
Until the 1960s, experts seldom encouraged dads to take part in parent groups, to participate during labor, or to care for infants. It was generally understood that dads existed to teach their toddlers to walk and their kids to play catch, not to handle baby - or, gasp, pre-baby - stuff. But the past few decades of research suggest that the earlier a dad gets involved, the better. In a 1997 book on the subject, researchers argued that fathers who are actively involved in labor are effectively developing relationships (albeit one-way relationships) with their children as early as possible, and subsequent studies suggest this leads to stronger early attachment to the baby.

Whether early attachment to a baby breeds more serious involvement in the long-term is a matter of debate, but there's plenty of evidence that it does. In a 2011 literature review on paternal involvement during pregnancy and labor, the authors claim that the preponderance of evidence suggests that dads who are actively involved and invested in the baby before he or she is born disproportionately remain involved in the child's life. And, as numerous studies have shown, more paternal involvement means better outcomes for kids. To foster this connection, some scientists have argued that healthy women and newborns should return home as soon as possible after delivery, especially if the father is not allowed to stay overnight in the hospital.

This is not to say that fathers play a critical role in the development of fetuses - after their initial epigenetic contribution, they're down for the count until after delivery. But pregnancy and labor are when the groundwork for the Father Effect begins, and its importance cannot be overstated.
What We Talk About When We Talk About Engaged Fathers
Before we dive into how involved fathers help their kids (and how uninvolved fathers harm them), it's important to highlight what an engaged, active, involved father looks like. First of all, as ever, showing up is half the battle. Dads who live with their kids and take time out of their days to attend important events are far more likely to have a positive impact than absent fathers.

For dads who live apart from their kids, there are limited options for engaging fatherly interactions. "Writing letters, phone calls - even if you're not in physical proximity, knowing your dad cares and wants to be involved to the extent that they can is really important," Marcy Carlson, a sociologist at the University of Wisconsin, told Fatherly. If you can't even do that, buying love isn't the worst idea. "There's tons of evidence that financial support of kids is good for their outcomes," she says. "If dads can provide for their children, that goes a long way."

But just because you're around doesn't mean you can rest on your laurels and hope that sitting near your children will somehow raise their IQs or inoculate them against risky sexual behaviors. "The quantity of interaction doesn't really benefit kids, but if you have more high-quality, engaged parenting that does seem to be positively related to outcomes for children," Carlson says. Warmth is also a key factor. Fathers who spent a lot of time with their kids but are dismissive or insulting tend to have only negative impacts.

"Low quality fathering can involve behaving coldly toward one's children, insulting them, or engaging in problem behaviors that are largely incompatible with being a present and engaged father," Danielle DelPriore, a developmental psychologist at the University of Utah, told Fatherly.
Why Your Infant (and Toddler) Needs a Dad
As a science-oriented person, I try not to be unrealistic about what my toddler understands. Although it pains me to admit it, I understand that he probably doesn't miss me much when I travel for work, and I know that he lights up in my presence in pretty much the same way he lights up for puppies, apples, and rice cakes. This is frustrating for me, and I'm not alone. There's a reason that fathers often find themselves wondering why they should even bother investing time and energy into infants who, for at least another couple of years, won't care or remember.

An entire book, The Role of The Father In Child Development, was arguably written to answer that very question. To make a long story (672 pages!) short, many of the emotional, social, and behavioral benefits mentioned earlier are linked to having a dad in the picture in early childhood. One 1991 study cited in the book found that infants attained higher cognitive scores at age one if their fathers were involved in their lives when they were one month old. Preterm infants similarly score higher at 36 months if their dads play an active role from birth, and a separate study found that infants who played with their dads at nine months enjoyed similar benefits.

(Although the trend holds across several studies, it is important to note that at least one study did not find a link between fathers playing with their infants and cognitive development).

When infants transition into toddlers at around age one, Father Effects become even more pronounced. Studies suggest that when fathers are involved in everyday tasks - dinner, playing in the backyard - rather than expansive but one-off trips, toddlers and young children benefit. Dads also seem to offer a unique touch, with at least one study suggesting that fathers are better than mothers at teaching children how to swim, because they are less overprotective and more likely to let their children venture into the deep end or swim facing away from them.

As anecdotal evidence indicates, sons especially need their dads. In the book Do Fathers Matter? Paul Raeburn describes how scientists observed that U.S. and Norwegian boys whose fathers were off fighting in World War II during their childhoods later had trouble forging relationships with others as they matured. Similar studies cited in the book show that sons who grow up without fathers (or with disengaged fathers) tend to be less popular in preschool. Broadly, the research suggests that boys lean on their fathers more than anyone else as they develop social skills. And one large study of nearly 9,000 adults confirmed that a father's death affects sons more strongly than daughters, leading to the same sort of health problems seen after an ugly divorce.

In other words, kids - even very young kids - need their dads. And, despite conventional wisdom (and its underpinning sexism), daughters need them too. But for different reasons.
Why Your Daughter Needs a Dad
Most studies suggest that, until children hit puberty, the Father Effect is roughly equal for boys and girls. Both boys and girls who are fortunate enough to have dads in their lives excel and, in some cases, outperform their peers. But when raging hormones kick in, studies demonstrate that dads suddenly become the arbiters of sexual behavior, too. And that is most acutely felt by teenage daughters, who take fewer sexual risks if they have strong relationships with their dads.

"Numerous past studies find a link between low quality fathering and daughters' sexual outcomes, including early and risky sexual behavior," Danielle DelPriore, who has studied how dads impact risky sex, told Fatherly. "A father who is cold or disengaged may change daughters' social environments and sexual psychology in ways that promote unrestricted sexual behavior."

One of DelPriore's studies on the phenomenon - or "daddy issues", as it is popularly portrayed - tracked 101 sister pairs between the ages of 18 and 36. This was a particularly well-controlled study, because it allowed DelPriore and her colleagues to examine how two women with similar genetics who were raised under similar environmental conditions might differ in their sexual risk-taking. She found that, when one sister grew up with an active, warm father and the other was raised in a broken home or after their father became less engaged, the former grew up to largely avoid casual unprotected sex while the latter often embraced it. Although DelPriore examined several outside factors - including relationships with mothers - one of the most salient links between a woman and her sexual decision-making was how close she felt to her father.

DelPriore suggests that daughters might learn from disengaged fathers that they shouldn't expect men to invest meaningfully in long-term relationships, and so they settle for riskier casual flings. It's also possible that "daughters with disengaged fathers receive less parental monitoring and are more likely to affiliate with sexually promiscuous friends," she says. "On the other hand, having a father who is warm and engaged can protect against these outcomes."

DelPriore defined "engaged fathers" as those who behave warmly and interact meaningfully with their kids. They're the sort of dads who help with homework and attend sporting events, seldom insulting their children or behaving coldly. " When it comes to daughters, taking the time to listen to them, learn about their lives, show up for important events, and provide emotional support, could protect against early and unrestricted sexual behavior," she says. "Dads do not have to be perfect, and making a genuine effort to be there for their daughters could make a big difference."
What Happens When Dad Disappears
Children who lose a father to death or incarceration suffer much like those who have uninvolved fathers and represent an easier community to study than the abandoned.

Several research projects have focused on how a father's incarceration can harm children. The largest of these efforts is Princeton University's Fragile Families Study, which is currently following a cohort of 5,000 children born in the United States between 1998 and 2000. Most of the children in the study have unmarried parents and absentee fathers, for a variety of reasons. One of the most sobering findings of the FFS is that, when a dad is behind bars or otherwise far away, there is relatively little he can do to have a positive influence on his children.

"For dads that live far away, it doesn't seem there's tons of evidence that what they do matters for their children," Carlson told Fatherly. "Dads living with their kids are much more involved; they read stories to their children and put their kids to bed. If you look at comparisons of resident and non-resident dads, there's a consistent difference in average involvement."

When dads are absent due to prison sentences, kids face additional challenges - sometimes more serious ones than what they would have faced had their fathers died or left due to divorce. "Most of the literature on widowhood shows that kids whose dads died are better off than kids who go through divorce," she says. As for incarceration "there's a lot of stigma and stress. I wouldn't be surprised if it's worse for kids when their dads are away due to incarceration."
How To Be A Good Dad
A lot goes into being a solid father. Making healthy decisions before conceiving so that your kid has the best shot in life, genetically speaking. Coaching your partner through pregnancy and birth so that your bond to your child starts early. Playing with your infant even though he'll never remember. Counseling your teenage daughter about making smart choices. But those are the mechanical parts of fatherhood. In a more general sense, these studies all emphasize the importance of not just parenting, but parenting well - not just being present and doing what the studies suggest, but legitimately caring for your children and modeling good behavior.

Perhaps most importantly, dads need to realize that their kids are always watching, and that what they do matters. How well a dad parents influences a child's psychological, cognitive, and social development, and strongly steers him or her toward adulthood. Because dads do matter.

"Fathers and mothers are children's most important teachers," Amato says. "Fathers might ask themselves, what are my children learning - about life in general, about morality, about how family members should treat one another, about relationships - from observing me every day?"

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Scientists Finally Know What Dads Do for Their Kids

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Children with involved dads are less likely to break the law and drop out of school. Guided by close relationships with father figures, these kids disproportionately grow up to avoid risky sex, pursue healthy relationships, and hold down high-paying jobs.

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hardships build character shown in cartoon.

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In one of our favorite reads this week, Molly Pascal described how discovering Calvin and Hobbes improved her son's reading skills and inspired him to dream "galactically bigger." If you're a fan (and if you're not, you should be), you can see why. For 10 years, creator Bill Watterson orchestrated a battle between a six-year-old boy's robust imagination and the big, square world (much in the way Watterson himself fought for his vivid artistry against the constraints of big, square cartoon panels).

Somewhere between these two worlds sits Calvin's dad, who often feels the brunt of the imagination he has helped cultivate. And one of the recurring messages Calvin's dad has tried to instill in his child is that every type of suffering, no matter how nominal or devastating, "builds character."

Though most of us regard "character" as a good thing to have, it's a hard quality to define. The closest we can get-and indeed, one of the most useful things we can do-is to help our kids understand that adversity, frustration, and pain are inevitable, and our character is the quality that helps us process and overcome them. And to be " loyal and honest, and not take it out on people when you're having a bad day."

This is why failure is a gift, and why protecting our kids from failure is a sure way to stunt their growth as kind, resilient humans. However you define character in your family, one thing is for sure: if you have one of those odious peeing decals on display somewhere, you don't have any.

CONGRATULATIONS, IRIS AWARD NOMINEES!

The sixth annual Iris Awards, which will conclude the 2019 Mom 2.0 Summit, are just three weeks away. And based on all the nominations, our industry is poised to honor some very talented people. Congratulations to all the nominees, including the five dads who are up for Dad Blog of the Year:

It's shaping up to be a great night in Austin. Who's going to be there?

IN THE NEWS

For many parents, advocacy isn't a choice. It's a calling.

Parents can set the tones and attitudes for kids and how they feel about their own body image by being a good example.

When it comes to gendered toys, can the complexities of pop culture bring more diversity to the market?

Watch @JGigliello's daughter watch him sing. So much stuff out there still goes viral for all the right reasons. https://t.co/G6xonWzmBc

- Dad 2.0 Summit (@dad2summit) April 1, 2019

"As parents, we have to make sure our children know how to swim when that dam breaks."

"Teach your kiddos empathy and kindness. Challenge them. Nurture their creativity and curiosity. Let them fail. Let them discover. Let them get dirty and ride their bike around the block without you hovering. Those pursuits will deliver."

"Parenting is not about explaining away all the questions, or inculcating your children with dogma that placates their soul. It is about introducing and modeling what it means to be a human."

Despite expanded #paidleave, new dads in Canada still feel stigmatized if they take it. We're really happy @DoveMenCare is using its ample resources to help change that. #Notanad https://t.co/oBN51R1ovx

- Dad 2.0 Summit (@dad2summit) March 29, 2019

Do your kids enjoy their chores?

It's 2019, do you know where your kids are?

How do you define an "involved" dad?

Congratulations to Dick Bennett and @UVAMensHoops Coach Tony Bennett, only the second father-son duo to coach a team to the #FinalFour. #MarchMadness #GoHoos https://t.co/haQpwyUNW8

- Dad 2.0 Summit (@dad2summit) March 31, 2019

PORCHLIGHT POSTS

'GRAM OF THE WEEK
Do you receive the Dad 2.0 Summit Newsletter? You should! In it we share all kinds of information and news about the Dad 2.0 Summit. Add it to your inbox! It's the perfect way to start planning your trip to our ninth Summit in 2020! Share your fatherhood news and/or stories with us on Instagram, Twitter, Facebook, and Medium using the #FoF hashtag!

Illustrations by Bill Watterson.

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Fatherhood on Friday: Building Character

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In one of our favorite reads this week, Molly Pascal described how discovering Calvin and Hobbes improved her son's reading skills and inspired him to dream "galactically bigger." If you're a fan (and if you're not, you should be), you can see why.

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The Role of a Father--and the Effect of an Absent One | Oprah's Life Class | Oprah Winfrey Network

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It's the topic Iyanla Vanzant says she's most wanted to tackle on Oprah's Life Class. According to the U.S. Census Bureau, more than 24 million children are living in biological father-absent homes. Now, with the help of Roland Warren from the National Fatherhood Institute, Oprah and Iyanla are starting a national conversation.

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correctional officers personal claim on fatherhood

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The importance of fathers | Correctional Officer Calvin Williams | TEDxIronwoodStatePrison

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Single father of 3 children, Correctional Officer Calvin Williams of Ironwood State Prison speaks about the importance of being a father. In the spirit of ideas worth spreading, TEDx is a program of local, self-organized events that bring people together to share a TED-like experience.

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professional speaker on absent fathers in child development.

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Jordan Peterson - Growing Up in a Fatherless Home

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Harvard's take on the role of fathers for children.

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Faculty Insight

What are some different fathering techniques?

Clinical and developmental psychologist Diana Baumrind has outlined three main parenting styles:

Authoritarian parenting is low on warmth and high on control.

Authoritative is love and limits, where it's medium on control and high on warmth. Discussions can be had, but the parent remains in control.

Permissive parenting is very high on warmth and low on control. People who use this style view it as the most child-centered.

How does a father contribute to the development of a child?

Both parents are very important. Generally, mothers do more of the explicit nurturing, while fathers tend to be more involved in play, particularly physical play and "rough and tumble" play. However, fathers do much more hands-on caregiving now than they did a generation ago-changing diapers, getting up at night, taking children to the doctor, sharing drop-offs and pick-ups, and helping with homework.

Prior to the late 1970s, most research on fathers compared children with fathers versus children whose fathers had died or deserted. In the late 1970s, early childhood research began to focus on a father's role and not just "father absence" as a variable for investigation. In her doctoral dissertation at Brandeis University, Sheila Brachfeld-Child, now senior lecturer in psychology at Wellesley College, asked mothers and fathers simply "to have fun with your baby." Completed in early 1980s, it was her impression that for many of the fathers, it was their first and only solo outing with the infants. The fathers' play style was very active, throwing the children in the air or rolling on the floor. The mothers' play was based more in teaching activities and fine motor skills, like finger plays, singing, and sitting quietly.

Interested in behavioral science?

And when looking at more recent early childhood literature from Michael Lamb, professor in the department of psychology at the University of Cambridge, children turned to fathers when they wanted to play and turned to mothers when they were stressed or upset.

How does the role of a father factor into the lives of their children once they are grown?

In the second part of adolescence, teens tend to look to their peers as to who they should be at that time, and look to their parents as to who they will become.

When children become parents, they look to their parents as to what they should and should not do. For young girls in particular, their fathers can make a huge impact on their self-esteem and how they grow into women. There are also interviews and autobiographies of Hillary Clinton, Madeline Albright, and many prominent women scientists that emphasize fathers' influence on girls.

What's the impact of the mother-father relationship on children?

The more positive the relationship is, the more children will see and understand what a working romantic and working collaborative relationship looks like. When parents work as a well-functioning team, children learn how to work things out. Of course, it is natural for couples to argue. The main thing is to ensure both parties model a respectful attitude during disagreements, so that their children learn how to resolve conflicts in a healthy manner.

Some of the research suggests that "parenting behavior" is the link between parent-parent relationships and adolescent outcomes.

Parents who are distressed, depressed, or upset by their poor adult relationships bring fewer resources to the table for parenting. Their parenting behavior is less ideal, and this is what leads to poorer teen outcomes. For example, research by Arriaga ​and Foshee examining antecedents of teen dating violence has shown that teens whose parents engage in domestic violence are at risk for violent dating relationships.

On the other end of the spectrum, strong marital quality and spousal support generally have a positive effect on child development. In a Dutch study by Hakvoort, Bos, Van Balen, and Hermanns, mothers' reports of their marital satisfaction and their reports of the father-child relationship were related to better psychosocial outcomes for the children.

How does a father-son relationship differ from the father-daughter relationship?

There is a lot of variability in father-children relationships. Many factors play into how a father will raise his children, like the age of the father or family size. When it comes to parenting in general, there's a lot more variability than predictability.

For example, fathers may be stricter with their daughters around adolescence. Fathers may also play a formative role in how a daughter will handle future romantic relationships (Arriaga and Foshee, 2004).

Around adolescence, sometimes sons like to assert they can be their own man, but eventually fathers and sons can develop a buddy relationship. The relationship between a father and child can really vary and there's no set model that's right.

What are some ways children can express their love to their fathers?

Image: hands

It is just as important for men to hear and be shown affection from their children as it is for women.

It's great when a child does something that says to the father, "Today is your day, and I love you all year long." Any type of gift, note, or gesture that reflects the father's interests and the child's acknowledgement of their different interests is great. For example, I took my stepson to buy a gift for his father when he was much younger. He wanted to buy two action figures, so that he could include his dad in his play. Even though he was young, he was thinking about trying to include his dad in an activity he enjoyed.

Words are very important too. Some men back off from expressing their affection, especially to sons, and their sons then have a harder time expressing affection to their fathers directly. This is true whether it's verbal or physical affection.

For modern teens, texts or e-mail can be helpful. Forwarding an article or a song may be less anxiety provoking than saying "I love you" out loud, but clearly says "I am thinking of you." Because teens do this all the time, it doesn't have to feel like a "big deal," but fathers will love the connection. This is especially true when teens and fathers do not share a household, and can set the stage for parent-child connection, too.

Lastly, it's important to recognize that many different people can be in the father role. Father's Day is the perfect opportunity to remember the other important men in your life and say, "I love you."

More posts from Inside Extension

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The Role of Fathers in Childhood Development

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Faculty Insight Clinical and developmental psychologist Diana Baumrind has outlined three main parenting styles: Authoritarian parenting is low on warmth and high on control. Authoritative is love and limits, where it's medium on control and high on warmth. Discussions can be had, but the parent remains in control.

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Statistical analysis of the effect of father absence in America

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National Fatherhood Initiative's compilation of the data and statistics on the causes and consequences of father absence.

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A statistical article explaining 5 important ways Father's impact their children

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5 Important Ways Fathers Impact Child Development

When it comes to parenting it can sometimes feel like fathers are second best. Depictions of dads in popular culture push the stereotype of fathers as incompetent, emotionally disconnected, "secondary" parents who are not nearly as important to their children as their mothers. As a result, Fathers are often pressured to take a backseat when it comes to being involved with raising their kids and can face ridicule for things like admitting that they help change diapers or expressing an interest in taking paternity leave. In reality, although a mother's love is important and special, having an active father figure plays an equally important role in the healthy development of a child.

Here are 5 important ways fathers impact child development:

1. Increase Intellect.

Dad might be a bit of a goofball, but an active father can help increase your child's emotional intelligence and problem solving capabilities. Studies show that children with fathers who were actively involved throughout the 1st year of their child's life perform better on cognitive development assessments and demonstrate increased capacity for curiosity and exploration. Children raised with active dads tend to score higher on verbal and math tests and are less likely to drop out of school or commit juvenile crimes.

2. Boost Confidence.

The emotional support provided by a father to his child is a priceless gift. By helping kids to understand how much they are valued and loved, children with supportive fathers are more likely to have high self-esteem and are generally happier and more confident. They are also demonstrate a greater tolerance for stress/frustration, less hesitation/fear in new situations and an increased ability to resist peer pressure and stand up for themselves.

3. Someone To Look Up To.

Fathers provide a positive male role model for their children and help to promote/reinforce good behaviors. As a result, children with more involved fathers tend to have fewer behavioral and impulse control problems, longer attention spans and a higher level of sociability. These children also tend to be more compassionate and generous, with an increased awareness of the needs and rights of others.

4. Provide A Different Perspective.

Children are naturally full of questions, and mothers and fathers approach those questions in different ways. Active parents with different approaches to parenting can be great way to expose children to a broad range of of thinking and problem solving. Active fathers have a unique opportunity to share their perspective on life and teach their kids valuable life skills!

5. Feel The Love!

It's the most obvious thing to say, but that doesn't make it any less important - having an active father makes a child feel loved! Having dad as a steady source of love and encouragement helps ensure that children grow up happy and healthy, with high self-esteem.

Being an active father is one of the most important things you can do for your child. If you're a new dad or just want to learn more about how you can make a positive impact on your child's life, check out some of our parenting classes (480-834-9424) or enroll in our home visitation program (480-304-9440) for more individualized training and support! Child Crisis Arizona provides resources to families via no-cost parenting classes, workshops, children's playgroups, support groups, family events and more!

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5 Important Ways Fathers Impact Child Development - Child Crisis Arizona

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When it comes to parenting it can sometimes feel like fathers are second best. Depictions of dads in popular culture push the stereotype of fathers as incompetent, emotionally disconnected, "secondary" parents who are not nearly as important to their children as their mothers.