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Beddoe, A.E. and Murphy, S.O. (2004). Does mindfulness decrease stress and foster empathy among nursing students? The Journal of Nursing Education, 43(7), 305–312.

Brown, B. (2011). The Power of Vulnerability. Retrieved from https://youtu.be/iCvmsMzlF7o

Chu, L.C. (2010). The benefits of meditation vis-à-vis emotional intelligence, perceived stress and negative mental health. Stress and Health, 26(2), 169–180. https://doi.org/10.1002/smi.1289

Cormier, S., Nurius, P. and Osborn, C. (2009). Interviewing and Change Strategies for Helpers (Sixth Edition). Belmount, CA: Brooks/Coles.

Covey, S. (2011). Using empathic listening to collaborate. Retrieved from https://www.fastcompany.com/1727872/using-empathic-listening-collaborate

DeZee, A. (2016). I Statements. Retrieved from https://youtu.be/vWTsH7rBffI

Goleman, D.R. (1995). Emotional Intelligence: Why it can matter more than IQ. New York: Bantam Books.

Goleman, D.R. (2002). Primal Leadership: Unleashing the Power of Emotional Intelligence. Boston, Massachusetts: Harvard Business School Press.

Josa, C. (2012). What a Raisin Can Teach You About Mindfulness Practice. Retrieved from https://youtu.be/z2Eo56BLMjM

Multi-Health Systems. (2017). Workplace EQ 360 Report for Chris Alleyne.

Parent Effectiveness Training. (2013). Everybody Loves Raymond Uses Active Listening. Retrieved from https://youtu.be/4VOubVB4CTU

Perry, K. (2013). Roar. Retrieved from https://youtu.be/CevxZvSJLk8

Stein, S.J. & H.E. Book. (2011). The EQ Edge: Emotional Intelligence and Your Success. Mississauga, Ontario: John Wiley & Sons Canada, Ltd.

The Awakened State. (2016). 9 Tips to Help with Over-Active Empathy. Retrieved from https://theawakenedstate.net/9-tips-to-help-over-active-empathy/

Watchwellcast. (2013). How to Be More Confident. Retrieved from https://youtu.be/68ciKK1afDQ

Wiseman, T. (1996). A concept analysis of empathy. Journal of Advanced Nursing, 23, 1162–1167.

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Carolin, thank you for being our guide on this journey. You've helped facilitate many "aha" moments and you have listened non-judgementally as I've explored my inner self. Being vulnerable in front of others has always been a personal challenge, but this experience has only encouraged me to be more vulnerable with others. Only though vulnerability will I be truly seen, by myself and others.
Graphic retrieved from http://www.planwallpaper.com/static/images/Thank-You7.jpg

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My EQ journey will become a continuous exercise through life. I've learnt that while we all strive for a "smooth ride", we can identify and target certain sub-realms to inflate or deflate to help ourselves out along the way. However, nothing is constant in life. Life circumstances change, work challenges pop up, affecting different sub realms in different ways. And so there will always need to be time to revisit, retinker, and retool ourselves along the way.

Our workplace will also constantly be changing. People will retire, new team members will join the organization; so there will always be opportunities to work on and develop our the group's collective EQ. A continuous process there too.

We are all unfinished paintings as we proceed down our EQ journeys of life. Remember however, that we must appreciate what we have, that "we are enough", and that unfinished paintings are still masterpieces.
Graphic retrieved from http://site.artsheaven.com/images/article/unfinished-portrait.jpg

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Retrieved from http://lynndoodle.blogspot.ca/2013_05_01_archive.html

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This has been a wonderful journey. As I take a step back and look at my storyboard that covers my learnings from the past nine-weeks, the importance EQ plays in my life is crystal clear. While IQ has helped me get to where I am professionally so far in life, to achieve my personal and professional goals, EQ provides the roadmap to help realize my dreams.

Committing to two changes, inflating my assertiveness, and deflating my empathy, will allow me to experience more of a smoother ride within my EQ. Using the phrase, "I have something to say", following up by asking "how did that land", and using I-Statements focused on behaviour, will help inflate my assertiveness. Exploring mindfulness activities, and exercising active listening, will deflate my empathy, putting myself on the road towards a well-balanced EQ.

As a result of these changes, I'll develop more meaningful relationships, improve my stress resilience avoiding burnout, and become part of the conversation to ensure my needs are met. This will result in a higher satisfaction in my life, both personally and professionally.

My teams and organization will benefit, as I will be contributing to important decisions, my relationships will strengthen allowing for open discussions, and decision making will be more effective with all voices bring brought to the table. This should result in higher-quality decisions, ensuring that our organization performs more effectively overall, meeting its corporate goals.

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In using non-judgmental language when focusing on the behaviour, and through active listening, this will actually strengthen my relationships amongst the team. "Bonds of relationship are strengthened when both parties show consideration, both are more likely to walk away with their needs at least partially fulfilled. When you’re assertive, the other person feels respected and accepted, not put down” (Stein & Book, 2011, p. 75).

This strengthening of interpersonal relationships ensures the effectiveness of group decision-making performing better than the individual, ultimately benefitting the organization.

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My Hopes & Dreams 10 Years Down the Road

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My Hopes & Dreams 10 Years Down the Road

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My partner and I will have had two kids!

Strong and supportive friend group

Within senior administration at my workplace, surrounded by a supportive and high-performing team

My department well known nationally for innovation and high-quality service

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As I reflect on building this tablet, I smile at the roadmap this creates for myself, so that with these action strategies in place, I'll be able to experience a smoother ride with EQ, which will help me accomplish my hopes and dreams. Putting my hopes and dreams out on the table also has a strong motivating effect for myself to put it into action.

"As individuals, we feel most motivated to change when we tap into our dreams and ideal visions of our lives. That vision of our personal future gives us the energy and commitment to change our behaviour" (Goleman, 2002, p. 172).

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Retrieved from http://media.ccl.org/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/Coaching-Others.png

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Personal Outcomes - Interconnected Sub-realms

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Personal Outcomes - Interconnected Sub-realms

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Deflating empathy through the use of active listening allows me to communicate with others more effectively while still capturing the elements of empathy. This emotionally-safe distance from my students' problems also assists me in not bottling up of concerns and stress, which allows me to let out some air from my over-inflated stress tolerance.

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Personal Outcomes - Interconnected Sub-realms

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Personal Outcomes - Interconnected Sub-realms

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Inflating assertiveness and deflating empathy would also result in a more smoother ride all-around due to the interconnections within my EQ wheel. Referencing the Interconnections Youtube clip earlier on in this pallet, asserting myself would result in coming into more self-expression, through the use of I-Statements and attaching emotions to my words. This could also deflate my over-inflated stress tolerance, as I wouldn't be holding in all my concerns and allowing them to build up. Overall, a smoother ride for myself if I'm successful in my goal of inflating assertiveness!
Image retrieved from http://daypic.ru/wp-content/uploads/2011/03/4237.jpg

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An older TV show, but a goodie. Ray Romano shows how effective active listening can be used, in this situation with his family.

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Everybody Loves Raymond Uses Active Listening - from Parent Effectiveness Training

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Change Two - Empathy - Action Strategies

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Change Two - Empathy - Action Strategies

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Active Listening
Acting listening is a communications technique that requires the listener to fully concentrate, understand, respond and remember what is being said.

Covey (2011) highlighted that empathic listening was essential to understanding how people feel, without taking on their emotions for them. This tool is helpful in providing a healthy balance of empathy while avoiding burnout.

Active Listening captures the four attributes of empathy that Wiseman (1995) identified: seeing the world as others see it, being non-judgmental, understanding another’s feelings, and communicating the understanding (p. 1165).
Graphic retrieved from http://agilitrix.com/2013/01/how-to-express-empathy-avoid-the-traps/

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Comic retrieved from http://dilbert.com/strip/2015-06-28

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Change Two - Empathy - Action Strategies

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Change Two - Empathy - Action Strategies

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A simply elegant, and elegantly simple activity. It can be completed in just a few minutes to bring you into the moment and centre yourself.

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What A Raisin Can Teach You About Mindfulness Practice

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Want a simple mindfulness exercise to do, in less than 3 minutes, which could help you to feel more calm, happier, less stressed and more alive? Try our simple raisin experiment and discover the potential magic of mindfulness in your life.

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Change Two - Empathy - Action Strategies

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Change Two - Empathy - Action Strategies

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Mindfulness and Meditation
Mindfulness activities can range from short activities to longer meditation sessions. I learnt through our team assignment that mindfulness activities can help develop emotional intelligence and promote self-healing. Chu (2010) highlighted mindfulness as a proven coping mechanism to enhance EI, lower stress and promote positive mental health (p. 169). Beddoe and Murphy (2004) suggested that practicing mindfulness and meditation helped to reduce anxiety and improve empathy.

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ACTION STRATEGIES TO INFLATE ASSERTIVENESS

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ACTION STRATEGIES TO INFLATE ASSERTIVENESS

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My problem is I tend to see these two concepts as mutually exclusive of each other like the graph below. I don't assert myself by speaking up in meetings, or providing appropriate feedback, because I'm worried about damaging relationships.

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This was a very interesting graph I found that shows the interconnection between Empathy and Assertiveness.
Retrieved from http://leadershipduck.com/tag/empathy/

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Picture retrieved from https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-7Sa_GgMu6DA/VzJWI99o2BI/AAAAAAAAAlw/tFB9biyhbF803xUpTOLrroJdOuMJeNaWwCKgB/s1600/bottled-up.jpg

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I work in the field of student affairs, where we support first-year post-secondary students' transitions from high-school to university. We provide support for students with their daily struggles as a young adult; academic anxiety, personal problems and mental health challenges. We respond and counsel students with serious mental health and personal challenges, ranging from sexual assault, domestic violence, and suicidal ideations. The nature of this work requires a high level of empathy.

Cormier, Nurius and Osborn (2009) identified hazards to those in helping roles that include “providing constant empathy, interpersonal sensitivity and one-way caring” (p.44). My job requirements as a  “helper” can lead to compassion fatigue and burnout. Cormier et al. (2009) describe burnout as “mental and physical exhaustion resulting from taking better care of others than you do yourself” (p. 44). These situations are caused from an over-inflation in the empathy realm. This is exacerbated by professional expectations when counselling a student, resulting in a bottling in of personal stress and emotional expression.

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Retrieved from https://quotefancy.com/quote/777788

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"Hey there, I'm an Empath as well, and I just read your last post. My questions are, how do you distinguish who's feelings you're receiving? Most of the time I can pinpoint the source, but sometimes I can't.

I just get confused on what I'm feeling, and don't know whether it's mine or theirs. Same thing when someone says one thing, but the feeling I receive is another. I feel like it's cause some people aren't honest about their feelings and intentions, but I remain open to them cause I also don't want to assume something that's not.

With that said, How do you stay grounded, and desynchronize yourself from others?"
- jay-wolff

Very Good Question to Ask! Many Sensitives as they start becoming more susceptible to energy, experience the Awakening Heart. The Awakening heart is what gives us the gift of empathy. The ability to feel others emotions as if they were our own. This can even create an unconscious wound trigger if we're not careful. With that being said, the gift of empathy can be both a gift and a curse.

People who are hyper-sensitive towards energy suddenly are propelled with feeling and reading energy. This also creates a very common problem of overactive empathy aka the emotional sponge. This can happen when our empathy becomes so strong that we start having an overactive heart chakra which can lead to being an Emotional Sponge. Some call this over-active empathy but what is really happening is you're tapping into their frequency so that you are feeling their emotions strongly in alignment with your own.

HOW DO YOU KNOW IF YOU'RE EXPERIENCING OVERACTIVE- EMPATHY?

If you were to imagine yourself in a bubble this is your aura. Everyone else has a bubble but when you are sensitive you can feel the emotions/thoughts of other's bubbles interweaving with yours. This is a big issue many sensitives face because once we start opening up our energy, we begin feeling everyone's emotional *everything* which can get claustrophobic, overwhelming, exhausting or even demanding.

SIGNS OF OVERACTIVE EMPATHY

You may feel a deep desire to "fix" other people

A feeling of intense overwhelm with an inability to focus

A sudden wave of sadness for no reason when you were happy the entire day

You often unconsciously attract energy vampires or people who drain your energy

Your emotions are completely out of control where you feel a bit like a manic-depressive

You feel people's emotions especially loved ones distant or far.

You possess the gift to heal but also struggle with energy management

You sometimes are confused on what emotions are yours & what aren't

You physically feel others pain to the point where it becomes your own problems, such as aches/pains, emotional upheaval, depression, situations or even sympathetic pain at distance.

Being Empathetic is truthfully a beautiful gift because it teaches you so much about other people's energy, their emotions and why they behave the way they do. It is also a great tool to read energy bodies or heal others through shamanism or healing methods such as reiki.

However this gift can be a curse if you don't know how to guide it or understand it.

9 TIPS TO HELP FOR AN EMPATHETIC SPONGE:

1. DAILY CHECK-INS

You have to think of yourself like a fishing pole, you're hooking into these emotions which aren't necessarily yours so you have to detach yourself from them. Come back to your own energy, repeatedly. Focus on something only you would know, experience, or something that makes you happy. I used to have this problem a lot, so i confessed to my friend one day and he told me:

"This is because you are living inside of these people, you are neglecting your own center ".

Let that sink in really deep, You are neglecting your own center.
Find your way back to your own energy.

Ask yourself: Is this me or someone else's pain?
Soul Medicine: Pick something only YOU would know where you can shift the focus like thinking "I love that dress" or "the clouds are gorgeous today". Song lyrics, your favorite color, a mantra or affirmation. Anything to switch the focus and "Check-In" with your own energy body. This helps move the energy instead of cycling the reactive emotion. You need to repeatedly come back to your home frequency by thinking of something only you would know.
2. RAISE IT UP

Your frequency that is...usually when you are stuck in an empathetic sponge loop it is spiraling your energy downhill. The crazy part is deep down You know this isn't you which is why it makes it feel so paralyzing and debilitating.

When we feel other's emotions we take them into ourselves. So to counterbalance that, you have to push back into your own emotions by raising them. Instead of feeling by expressing reactive thought, try raising your emotions positively through understanding and compassion by observation.

Ask Yourself: Am I stuck in a negative loop?
Soul Medicine: Find healthy ways to raise your moods so you don't keep sucking in the negative empathy on accident and fall down again. Chances are you will see it was the other person's energy you were feeling, not you. Raise their mood with you.
For instance dealing with someone who is always depressed or stressed, you have to react differently than what they are emitting. This is the start of healing energy, when you project back from a higher place of love, understanding and compassion.

So rather than giving back those feelings of grumpiness or stress, bring the conversation upward. Maybe find something funny to say or something that would make this person smile instead, change the topic even if it's bringing you down. The idea here is shifting focus is key to transforming emotional reactions into Conscious Actions of our own home frequency.

This lessens friction others are emitting and instead starts putting the energy back into harmony

3. DON'T FIX THEIR PROBLEM FOR THEM

You don't fix someone else's moods for them, it just doesn't work that way. The biggest lesson about being a healer is learning the boundary of guiding vs controlling energy. If you're a parent this is a crucial stepping stone of understanding but as a healer it's essential to understand. We can give help, advice, & healing energy but we can't control their will, actions or force our ideas onto them. They have to learn it themselves.

Ask Yourself: Am I unconsciously controlling the situation or Am I guiding it?
Soul Medicine: Realize they must learn this themselves. If you're a healer stop saying you are fixing people and instead realize you are guiding them. They do the fixing. 😉
4. LEARN TO TUNE YOUR OWN FREQUENCY

Maybe country isn't your thing, what do you do? You turn the station. You are a frequency. Remember this and you will be golden. Just like you are tuning a radio if overactive empathy is causing havoc in your life, turn the station to a different channel. Radiate towards peace instead of feeding the pain and suffering channel. Guide your thoughts to a healthier you. This Article goes into more depth about Frequency.

Ask yourself: What can I do in this moment to serve me better?

Then do it!
Soul Medicine: If it means getting some air, changing the conversation, a joke, do it. Change the channel. You always have the will power to do it.
5. FIND YOUR INNER COMPASS

Consciousness is a guide map to understanding emotional pain, this means we need to also understand our Inner world, the Subconscious. The subconscious is our container for our long term memory which also carries the deep past wounds we have had since birth.

Ask yourself: Has this happened already, Am I stuck in a past hurt?
Soul Medicine: Realize that these are Past Wounds, resistance you already let go of long ago. This is not your battle, it is not even your fight. This is memories of your Past Identity. Once you see this perspective, you will see you can either go South or Go North. I think it's best we go upward yes? Remember this is all just memories.
6. FIND COMPASSION

Don't ignore, shun or run away form this person. This person is entering your psychic sphere for a reason. Give them love, bless them with healing energy and give them compassion by listening to their frequency. It's very benefical to understand the difference between helping heal with love and compassion instead of ignoring their energy completely.

Ask Yourself: Am I running away from people or Am I choosing to listen to them?
Soul Medicine: We don't take on their energy for nothing, we take on their energy to give them love and healing light towards the pain/suffering they are experiencing. Choose love over fear every time.
7. CUT ENERGETIC CORDS

Visualize Yourself cutting a thread, a golden cord or even an umbilical cord if it's family telling the energy I release this suffering & pain from my experience. If empathy is overwhelming you, you aren't allowing their energy to grow. You must release and cut cords to find peace again.

Ask Yourself: Who's energy and/or emotional pain am I not letting go of?
Soul Medicine: Cutting Cords doesn't mean they disappear from your life, it means they are not energetically a cling monkey to you anymore. This is beneficial as a healer but is a great tool for all relationships especially toxic ones.
8. SACRED SPACE

If you are an empathetic sponge your emotions are a pin pong ball. This is the best wake up call to recharge your energy. Sometimes space is a really really good thing. Honor your personal Hula Hoop. As an empath it's always best to recenter, recharge and realign into our own frequency. Find your recharging space.

Ask Yourself: When was the last time I was alone in my own hula hoop?
Soul Medicine: When we see that we are honoring our own space, we feel our own energy body and personal field of consciousness. Sometimes it is absolutely necessary to have a sacred space where you can recharge. If you live with others, contemplate ideas as to how you can make time for you such as reading a book, going for a bath, a nice walk, stepping outside on your porch, stargazing, or even stepping into the bathroom for a bit. Find your Recharging Space to recenter and realign.
9. MAKE YOUR SOUL HAPPY AGAIN

If you're dealing with overactive empathy, you may be suffering from depression, restlessness, anxiety or just general exhaustion. This is why you need to raise your vibrations by making yourself happy again. Overactive Empathy connects to the solar plexus and this is why it's really good to make your soul sing again with a happy heart and centered core. Keep it simple, find ways where you can create happiness in your energy field again so you can be YOU again.

Ask Yourself: What Am I passionate about, What makes my soul sing with joy?

Soul Medicine: The awakened heart is a heart filled with compassion, empathy and divine purpose. Go where Joy leads you ultimately. Find what feels good, be playful, stay light and open towards possibility. Bring yourself Joy again. What are you passionate about? What could help you feel better after this draining situation? How can you feel like you again? Find yourself and your world will start shifting with it to happier days ahead.

Hope this helps you on your journey!

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Tips to Help with Over-Active Empathy came from the inspiration of fellow blogger jay-wolff who wrote: "Hey there, I'm an Empath as well, and I just read your last post. My questions are, how do you distinguish who's feelings you're receiving?

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Empathy, the ability to recognize, understand, and appreciate the way others feel, was my second highest EQ score in my EQ report.

Choosing this specific change was prompted by the following reflections and findings:

Empathy scoring 121, indicating it is over-inflated, outside of the average range of 85 to 115. It is my second highest EQ score after Stress Tolerance

My EQ report states that "high empathy can also be a double-edged sword" (p. 22). Because others are comfortable coming to me for advice, I get get overly concerned and run the risk of taking on their problems, becoming a victim of my own empathy.

Our team assignment explored an over-inflated empathy of nurses in an ER. I hadn't considered how an over-inflation of empathy resulted in so many workplace challenges that started with compassion fatigue and burnout but resulted in sick days and low retention rates. I'm afraid I will end up with similar challenges to the nurses if I don't manage deflate my empathy to average levels.

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I had always approached assertiveness as disagreeing with someone else's perspective. If I use the ABCDE model and I-Statements, I'll begin to reframe my conversations as a healthy and mutual exchange of viewpoints and ideas. Sharing a differing perspective doesn't need to be seen as a debate or argument with someone else.

This speaks true to what Goleman (2002) highlighted in his book Primal Leadership; "open discussion and disagreements about ideas – opposed to attacks on people who hold disparate views – sharpen decision making" (p. 172).

On the team level, coming into my assertiveness by "focusing on the behaviour" using I-Statements will strengthen my relationships at work, allow for open discussions and exchanging of ideas, and "sharpen our decision making". This should result in higher-quality decisions, ensuring that our organization performs more effectively overall, meeting its corporate goals.

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As mentioned in the personal outcomes section, I'll become an active influencer and equal partner in conversations at work. Goleman (2002) highlighted the "superiority of group decision making over that of even the brightest individual in the group" (p. 173), so long as the EQ sub-realm of interpersonal relationships was present.

For many years, we have used the old adage "two heads are better than one" at work. It's a workplace value we share with the on-boarding of new employees, its covered in our performance appraisals, and it is embedded deeply into our organizational culture. Goleman (2002) stated, "for an organization to sustain emotionally intelligent practices, the rules, regulations, and human resource practices have to be totally in synch with the desired outcomes" (p.222). My organization's systems are setup to help sustain my assertiveness, longer term.

In becoming an active influencer and more equal partner in our conversations at work, there will be a two-way impact between myself and the organization; I will be living and breathing the workplace vision, and the vision will also assist in ensuring the change I make is sustainable. Goleman (2002) highlighted that to embrace change, people had to align with the vision of the company with a resonance that impacted people emotionally and intellectually (p. 208). The readings and learning about the personal outcomes of a further-developed assertiveness through this course have encouraged me intellectually; an emotional connection will be developed through my strategies of asking for immediate feedback, the sharing of stories like the one I posted which motivates change, and my own self-actualization. I anticipate the resonance of this change aligning with my workplace's ideal vision, creating long lasting change.

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Coming into my assertiveness, I'll have found my voice. Hear me roar.

Lyrics to Katy Perry's "Roar"
I used to bite my tongue and hold my breath
Scared to rock the boat and make a mess
So I sat quietly, agreed politely
I guess that I forgot I had a choice
I let you push me past the breaking point
I stood for nothing, so I fell for everything

You held me down, but I got up
Already brushing off the dust
You hear my voice, your hear that sound
Like thunder, gonna shake your ground
You held me down, but I got up
Get ready 'cause I've had enough
I see it all, I see it now

I got the eye of the tiger, a fighter
Dancing through the fire
'Cause I am the champion,
and you're gonna hear me roar
Louder, louder than a lion
'Cause I am a champion,
and you're gonna hear me roar!

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Inflating my assertiveness will allow me to be clear in my expectations of others. People will know what I expect of them, and I'll be more successful in meeting my personal and professional goals, because I'll be able to articulate what I need for myself and from others. I'll become an active influencer and equal parter in conversations at work.

Using active listening to deflate my empathy, I will find connection with the students I serve, without personally taking on their feelings directly, resulting in the building up of stress which could lead to burnout. I can provide support from a healthy distance and still show concern and care for others.

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EQ Interconnections - Assertiveness & Empathy

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EQ Interconnections - Assertiveness & Empathy

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Throughout the course, we learnt of the interconnections between the sub-realms. Inflating or deflating one sub-realm could have a corresponding effect on another area.

Here is a portion from my vodcast explaining the inter-connections and impacts of a low assertiveness and high empathy on other sub-realms.

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This video is about Assertiveness Interconnections

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Change One - Assertiveness - Action Strategies

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Change One - Assertiveness - Action Strategies

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Focus on the Behaviour

Using I-Statements will be an effective strategy to use in assert myself when providing feedback, as I'm typically worried about impacting the relationship I have with the other person.

In focusing on the behaviour through I-Statements, I'm leaning into my assertiveness in expressing my thoughts, and still leaving the person “in tact” which honours my empathy. I'm also describing my emotions, which may exercises my emotional expression.

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Created using PowToon -- Free sign up at http://www.powtoon.com/youtube/ -- Create animated videos and animated presentations for free. PowToon is a free tool that allows you to develop cool animated clips and animated presentations for your website, office meeting, sales pitch, nonprofit fundraiser, product launch, video resume, or anything else you could use an animated explainer video.

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Graphic retrieved from https://sd.keepcalm-o-matic.co.uk/i/keep-calm-and-focus-on-the-behavior-1.png

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Change One - Assertiveness - Action Strategies

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Change One - Assertiveness - Action Strategies

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Focus on the Behaviour

When providing feedback to others, focus on the behaviour, not the person. Goleman (2005) highlighted that personal criticism leaves people "on the receiving end feeling ashamed, disliked, blamed, and defective - all of which are more likely to lead to a defensive response than to steps to improve things" (p. 135).

Comic retrieved from http://dilbert.com/strip/2014-01-03

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This is a great little video with some quick tips on being assertive
Video retrieved from https://youtu.be/68ciKK1afDQ

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Change One - Assertiveness - Action Strategies

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Change One - Assertiveness - Action Strategies

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"I have something to say"... followed by "how did that land?"

This lead-in to a conversation is a simple conversation starter. One strategy is writing down my own thoughts before the meeting, so I have my notes and talking points in front of me, in case I get nervous or tongue-tied when asserting myself.

Asking a follow-up question, "how did that land", would provide instantaneous feedback on this strategy. It could require some toning back if I come across too strong, but knowing that immediately would be better than waiting and wondering about its effectiveness. On the flip side, receiving positive feedback would motivate me to continue asserting myself in the future.

Comic retrieved from  http://dilbert.com/strip/2012-12-26

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Change One - Assertiveness - Action Strategies

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Change One - Assertiveness - Action Strategies

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I tend to not contribute at meetings, and not speak up when I don't agree with something that is said. I've completed the ABCDE model to debate, dispute, and discard my beliefs. This modifies my feelings using logical and deductive reasoning.

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Change One - Assertiveness - Action Strategies

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Change One - Assertiveness - Action Strategies

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Manage my self-talk

Writing out a situation using the ABCDE model can help me reframe and manage destructive self-talk. Book and Stein (2011) highlighted that "you can modify your feelings by means of logical and deductive reasoning, instead of allowing your feelings to get the better of you" (p. 31).

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Why is assertiveness so important? What happens due to my deflated assertiveness?

Stein and Book state, “success eludes passive people because they are not clear in their own minds about what they want, and have difficulty expressing their wishes clearly and unambiguously to others. Passive people cave in at the slightest sign of resistance” (2011, pg. 90)

I won’t be able to achieve success in meeting my personal and professional goals, or get what I want in life, if I can’t articulate what I need for myself or from others.

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Graphic retrieved from http://businessangermanagement.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/07/EQ-i2.0Model_CircleSelfExpression.jpg

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My Self-Expression Realm, the way we express our emotions and come across to others, was the lowest composite score of the five scores within my EQ report. Using my EQ Report as a guide, along with some self-reflection, one change I committed to was inflating my assertiveness sub-realm.

Choosing this specific change was prompted by the following reflections and findings:

Assertiveness scoring a 91, and identified as a "blind spot" in my EQ report (Multi-Health Systems, 2017, p. 4-5).

I’m a self-described conflict avoider.

I don’t voice my opinions in meetings, worried that I'll get into disagreements with others; if someone disagrees with my perspective, I typically back down.

Not being direct with my feedback. Watch the YouTube video (to the right) about something I recently discovered at work.

“Continue to be as clear and as direct as possible when giving feedback” (Multi-Health Systems, 2017, p. 42). This was a comment provided by my direct supervisor in my EQ report.

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Graphic retrieved from http://www.reflectionsfromme.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/09/i-am-enough.jpg

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I tended to evaluate myself much lower on my EQ than others did; it made me aware of how hard I can be on myself. Most of my scores were within the average range of 85 to 115, which results in a "smooth ride". Understanding myself, and my strengths within EQ, helped activate my commitment to change. Focusing on just two changes to my sub-realms would be specific, measurable, actionable, realistic and timely goals.

Brown (2011) said, “believe that we are enough. When we work from a place to say I’m enough, we stop screaming and we start listening. We’re kinder and gentler to the people around us, and kinder and gentler to ourselves" (20:10). I shouldn't be striving to be perfect, or someone I'm not. I should be aiming for adjustments to my current EQ to seek a smoother ride, honouring who I am, but not trying to become someone different.

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Having my supervisor, peers, direct reports and family/friends complete an EQ assessment on myself was affirming and informing. It provided the opportunity to highlight sub-realms within my EQ that were under-inflated and over-inflated, resulting in a sometimes bumpy ride. The report helped me understand and feel proud of myself. Stein and Book (2011) highlighted how self-regard is the foundation of all other elements of EQ, a necessary first step in exploring and understanding yourself, and towards change.

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This padlet will walk us through my EI journey over the past eight weeks together, in the course Leading with Emotional Intelligence. Based on my learnings from our course readings, online discussions, personal vodcast, and team assignment, the two changes I wish to make are inflating my assertiveness and deflating my empathy, with aims to enhance my personal and professional presence. I will begin by analyzing the two changes I would like to make, followed by comprehensive action strategies for achieving these changes, concluding with the anticipated outcomes for myself, team, and organization if successful in the long-run.

This vodcast is a collection of personal reflections and written content combined multi-media, formatted to be followed from left to right. I hope you enjoy coming on this EI Journey with me!
Graphic retrieved from https://www.slideshare.net/sohailriaz/the-emotional-intelligence-pocketbook-68484976