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How can you can be a better ally to trans people?

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How can you can be a better ally to trans people?

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The following are tips that can be used as you move toward becoming a better ally to transgender people. Of course, this list is not exhaustive and cannot include all the "right" things to do or say because often there is no one "right" answer to every situation you might encounter.

When you become an ally of transgender people, your actions will help change the culture, making society a better, safer place for transgender people and for all people (trans or not) who do not conform to conventional gender expectations.

You can't tell if someone is transgender just by looking.
Transgender people don't look any certain way or come from any one background. Many transgender people do not appear "visibly trans," meaning they are not perceived to be transgender by others. It is not possible to look around a room and "see" if there are any transgender people. (It would be like a person looking around the room to "see" if there are any gay people.) You should assume that there may be transgender people at any gathering or in any space.

Don't make assumptions about a transgender person's sexual orientation.
Gender identity is different than sexual orientation. Sexual orientation is about who we're attracted to. Gender identity is about our own personal sense of being a man or a woman, or neither of those binary genders. Transgender people can be gay, lesbian, bisexual, straight, or any other sexual orientation.

If you don't know what pronouns to use, listen first.
If you're unsure which pronoun a person uses, listen first to the pronouns other people use when referring to them. Someone who knows the person well will probably use the correct pronoun. If you must ask which pronoun the person uses, start with your own. For example, "Hi, I'm Alex and I use the pronouns he and him. What about you?" Then use that person's pronoun and encourage others to do so. If you accidently use the wrong pronoun, apologize quickly and sincerely, correct your mistake, then move on. The bigger deal you make out of the situation, the more uncomfortable it is for everyone.

Don't ask a transgender person what their "real name" is.
For some transgender people, being associated with their birth name is a tremendous source of anxiety, or it is simply a part of their life they wish to leave behind. Respect the name a transgender person is currently using. If you happen to know the name someone was given at birth but no longer uses, don't share it without the person's explicit permission. Similarly, don't share photos of someone from before their transition, unless you have their permission.

Understand the differences between "coming out" as lesbian, gay, or bisexual and "coming out" as transgender.
"Coming out" to other people as lesbian, gay, or bisexual is typically seen as revealing a truth that allows other people to know your authentic self. The LGB community places great importance and value on the idea of being "out" in order to be happy and whole. When a transgender person has transitioned and is living their life as their authentic self--that is their truth. The world now sees them as who they truly are. Unfortunately, it can often feel disempowering for a transgender person to disclose to other people that they are transgender. Sometimes when other people learn a person is trans, they no longer see the person as "real." Some people may choose to publicly discuss their gender history in an effort to raise awareness and make cultural change, but please don't assume that it's necessary for a transgender person to disclose that they are transgender in order to feel happy and whole.

Be careful about confidentiality, disclosure, and "outing."
Some transgender people feel comfortable disclosing their gender history, while others do not. A transgender person's gender history is personal information and it is up to them to share it with others. Do not casually share this information, speculate, or gossip about a person you know or think is transgender. Not only is this an invasion of privacy, it also can have negative consequences in a world that is very intolerant of gender diversity. Transgender people can lose jobs, housing, friends, or even their lives when other people find out about their gender history.

Respect the terminology a transgender person uses to describe their identity.
Transgender people use many different terms to describe their experiences. Respect the term (transgender, transsexual, nonbinary, genderqueer etc.) a person uses to describe themselves. If a person is not sure which terms best describes their gender, give them the time to figure it out for themselves and don't tell them which term you think they should use. You wouldn't like your identity to be defined by others, so please allow others to define themselves.

Be patient with a person who is questioning or exploring their gender identity.
A person who is questioning or exploring their gender identity may take some time to figure out what's true for them. They might, for example, use a name or pronoun, and then decide at a later time to change the name or pronoun again. Do your best to be respectful and use the name and pronoun requested.

Understand there is no "right" or "wrong" way to transition, and that it is different for every person.
Some transgender people access medical care like hormone replacement therapy and surgeries as part of their transition in order to align their bodies with their gender identity. Some transgender people want their authentic gender identity to be recognized without hormones or surgery. Some transgender people cannot access gender affirming healthcare due to a lack of financial resources or access to trained providers. A transgender person's gender is not dependent on medical procedures or how they look. Accept that if someone tells you they are transgender, they are.

Don't ask about a transgender person's genitals, surgical status, or sex life.
It would be inappropriate to ask a cisgender (non-transgender) person about the appearance or status of their genitals. It is equally inappropriate to ask a transgender person those questions. Don't ask if a transgender person has had "the surgery" or if they are "pre-op" or "post-op." If a transgender person wants to talk to you about such matters, they will bring it up. Similarly, it wouldn't be appropriate to ask a cisgender person about how they have sex, so the same courtesy should be extended to transgender people.

Avoid backhanded compliments and "helpful" tips.
While you may intend to be supportive, comments like the following can be hurtful or even insulting:

"I would have never known you were transgender. You look so pretty."

"You look just like a real woman."

"She's so gorgeous, I would have never guessed she was transgender."

"He's so hot. I'd date him even though he's transgender."

"You're so brave."

"You'd pass so much better if you wore less/more make-up, had a better wig, etc."

"Have you considered a voice coach?"

Challenge anti-transgender remarks or jokes in public spaces, including LGB spaces.
You may hear anti-transgender comments from anti-LGBTQ activists, but you may also hear them from LGB people. Someone may think that because they're gay, it's ok for them to use certain words or tell jokes about transgender people. It's important to challenge anti-transgender remarks or jokes whenever they're said and no matter who says them.

Support all-gender public restrooms.
Some transgender, nonbinary, and gender non-conforming people may not feel like they match the signs on the restroom door. Encourage schools, businesses, and agencies to have single user, unisex and/or all-gender restroom options. Make it clear that trans, nonbinary, and gender non-conforming people are welcome to use whichever restroom they feel comfortable using.

Help make your company or group truly trans-inclusive.
"LGBTQ" is now a commonplace term that joins lesbian, gay, bisexual, queer, and transgender people under the same acronym. If you are part of a company or group that says it's LGBTQ-inclusive, remember that transgender people face unique challenges, and that being LGBTQ-inclusive means truly understanding the needs of the trans community and implementing policies address that them.

At meetings and events, set an inclusive tone.
In a group setting, identify people by articles of clothing instead of using gendered language. For example, the "person in the blue shirt," instead of the "woman in the front." Similarly, "Sir" and "Madam" are best avoided. If bathrooms in the space are not already all-gender, ask if it's possible to put an all-gender sign on them. In some circumstances, where not everyone is known, consider asking people to introduce themselves with their names and pronouns. For example, "Hi, I'm Nick and I use he/him pronouns." Start with yourself and use a serious tone that will discourage others from dismissing the activity with a joke. However, if you feel this practice will have the effect of singling out the trans people in the room or putting them on the spot, avoid it. Remember, it costs cisgender people nothing to share their prounouns, but for trans people it can mean they are sharing something very personal about their gender.

Listen to transgender people.
The best way to be an ally is to listen with an open mind to transgender people speaking for themselves. Follow thought leaders in the transgender community. Check out books, films, YouTube channels, and trans blogs to find out more about transgender people and the issues people within the community face. We recommend watching the documentary " Disclosure" on Netflix. Directed by Sam Feder and executive produced by Laverne Cox, "Disclosure" surveys the history of trans representation in TV and film using archival footage and interviews with 30 trans advocates and artists working in the entertainment industry. The film reveals how media has created and perpetuated stereotypes about transgender people.

Learn that transgender people are not new.
Transgender people have existed across cultures and throughout history. What is new is the heightened awareness of gender diversity and the transgender community because of increased media attention in recent years. Seek out resources written by transgender people about how trans people existed in the past, and how trans community exists in different countries around the world.

Know your own limits as an ally.
Don't be afraid to admit when you don't know something. It is better to admit you don't know something than to make assumptions or say something that may be incorrect or hurtful. Seek out the appropriate resources that will help you learn more. Remember being an ally is a sustained and persistent pattern of action; not an idle or stable noun.

(Updated March 2021 / Adapted from MIT's "Action Tips for Allies of Trans People.")

Learn even more about being an ally

To learn more about how to be an ally to trans person, check out PFLAG's Straight for Equality site and their "Guide to being a trans ally" publication.

Learn more about transgender people and history

In spite of the tremendous challenges that come with living in a culture that does not treat transgender people equally, transgender people have made and are making significant contributions to society.

For a look at the history of transgender people in America, check out Transgender History by Susan Stryker and the GLAAD Media Award-winning films from Rhys Ernst We've Been Around and This is Me. Watch HBO's The Trans List to find out about some strong transgender advocates.

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The following are tips that can be used as you move toward becoming a better ally to transgender people. Of course, this list is not exhaustive and cannot include all the "right" things to do or say because often there is no one "right" answer to every situation you might encounter.

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Celebrating International Transgender Day of Visibility

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Celebrating International Transgender Day of Visibility

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Find fun facts, history about trans people in Canada and their contributions, as well as helpful information to raise awareness and education about our trans community.

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International Transgender Day of Visibility (TDOV) occurs every year on March 31 st. This day is dedicated to celebrating transgender people, their contributions to society and raising awareness of discrimination faced by transgender people worldwide.

The day was founded by US transgender activist Rachel Crandall of Michigan in 2009 as a reaction to the lack of recognition of transgender people, and citing the frustration that the only well-known transgender-centered day was the Transgender Day of Remembrance which mourned the murders of transgender people, but did not acknowledge and celebrate living members of the transgender community.

Read on to find more fun facts, interesting bits of history about Trans people in Canada and their contributions as well as helpful information to raise awareness and education about our trans community.

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Trans Day of Visibility (TDOV) | QueerEvents.ca

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International Transgender Day of Visibility (TDOV) occurs every year on March 31 st. This day is dedicated to celebrating transgender people, their contributions to society and raising awareness of discrimination faced by transgender people worldwide.

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Use this guide to understand appropriate language when referring to trans and gender-diverse people

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The 519 and RHO Media Reference Guide - Trans and Gender-Diverse PeopleV2 Feb 16

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Must-Read Books by Transgender, Non-Binary, and Gender Non-Conforming Authors | Penguin Random House

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Whether you're looking for a fast-paced fantasy or an inspiring memoir, there's a book for you on this list! Celebrate transgender, non-binary, and gender non-conforming authors by reading their powerful...

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Youthline is a Queer, Trans, Two-Spirit* youth-led organization that affirms and supports the experiences of youth (29 and under) across Ontario

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Show your love and donate to YouthLine:

Online:

Make your gift online now - it's secure and easy.

By Mail:
LGBT Youth Line P.O. Box 73118, Wood Street PO Toronto, ON, M4Y 2W5 **Please make cheques payable to Lesbian Gay Bi Trans Youth Line**
By Phone:

If you would prefer to discuss your gift or donation over the phone, please call:

416-962-2232 ext 223

ed@youthline.ca

(Note: Due to COVID-19, emails are currently preferred and we can setup a time to chat.)

Give in Honour of

Looking for a special occasion gift to mark a birthday, holiday or other celebration? You can make a special gift to The Youth Line in honour of a friend, co-worker, or family member, and we'll send a handwritten card and personalized message to the recipient.

Give in Memory of

Donations can also be made in memory, and can be a special way to commemorate the life of a loved one. Making a gift in someone's honour or memory is easy to do: you can do it online, on our secure form, or by calling (416) 962-2232 ext.223. You'll receive a tax receipt for your contribution. Your donation will be a gift of a listening ear and a supportive shoulder to Ontario's LGBT youth.

Become a Monthly Donor

By becoming a monthly donor your support is put to work each and every month to provide immediate, predictable and stable support for all Youth Line service needs. To become a monthly donor click here and choose the Donate Monthly tab.

Legacy Giving

By leaving a legacy gift to the LGBT Youth Line in your will, your support will ensure youth peer to peer support services for future lesbian, gay, bisexual, transsexual, transgender, 2-spirited, queer and questioning young people in Ontario.

Establish a Payroll Deduction Program

Organizations can make the LGBT Youth Line their charity of choice by engaging their employees to support lesbian, gay, bisexual, transsexual, transgender, 2-spirited, queer and questioning young people in Ontario through payroll deductions. Employees can make a donation each pay cheque or as a one-time annual gift.

Employee payroll deduction is convenient and supports the LGBT Youth Line every pay period. Register for employee payroll deduction here!

Make a Matching Gift

A corporate matching gift program increases donors' impact of their donations. Many companies offer a corporate matching gift program, which offers the opportunity to match an employee's donation to the LGBT Youth Line. Donations can be matched up to a certain amount per year per employee or they can be unlimited.

Ask your employer about their corporate matching program to increase your gift to the LGBT Youth Line!

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Show your love and donate to YouthLine: Online: Make your gift online now - it's secure and easy. By Mail: LGBT Youth Line P.O. Box 73118, Wood Street PO Toronto, ON, M4Y 2W5 **Please make cheques payable to Lesbian Gay Bi Trans Youth Line** By Phone: If you would prefer to discuss your gift or [...]

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Resources To Support Toronto's Trans Community

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Resources To Support Toronto's Trans Community

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We put together a list of Trans-centered initiatives and organizations actively helping BIPOC Trans lives here in Toronto and beyond. We suggest you donate now if you have the means.

Let's keep the current energy up by showing support, learning, sharing, and listening to concerns and opinions, even if there aren't any trans folks in your life. They are the vanguards of the movement and culture we are inspired by every day. The violence, murder, misgendering, and erasure of Trans folks continues and it's on all of us to work for the better.

Pride is not Pride and queer Toronto is queer Toronto without the inclusion, celebration and protection of our Trans family.

If we've missed a group or organization you know is in need of support, please email us at [email protected]

The 519's Trans People of Colour Project "is designed to provide access to training, skills development and employment opportunities for TPOC to take up community leadership, provide access to affirming sexual health promotion information and services." It's a project that isn't super active online right now, but they are still accepting donations and we'll keep you posted on their efforts.

You can also check out The 519's other centred initiatives like Trans Youth Mentorship program & Trans ID clinic. ﻿ Make sure to specify where you'd like to direct your support in the drop down menu.

BindersOUT is a binder exchange program created to give trans and nonbinary folks access to affordable (and safe!) chestbinding. "BindersOUT is a grassroots program formed in 2016 to give transmasculine people and other trans folx access to affordable (and safe!) chest binding. We are currently based in Toronto, Ontario.

We prioritize making binders accessible at local drop-ins and support groups, including those geared towards youth & teens, trans folx of colour, and trans folx struggling with homelessness or finances."

This Toronto-based organization "empowers and supports the advancement of Black womxn and survivors of sexual violence." They've started the Love Offering Community Emergency Relief Fund "for Black Womxn (Trans and Cis), Femmes, Non-Binary and Gender-non-Confirming folx' experiencing food and income insecurity and who live within the City of Toronto or Greater Toronto Areas." Priority is given to Black trans womxn and black 2SLBGTQ+ identifying and your donation helps provide financial support and food support.

"The BQYC was co-founded by a Black Transwoman and is still actively working with Black Queer and Trans people in Toronto and the Greater Toronto Area." Started in the fall of 2017, this organization was created to "better support the needs of Black LGBTTQ+ youth in the City of Toronto and the GTA by developing a culturally anchored program to address service gaps for youth." Check out their site or email them anytime to find out more about what they're up to.

"LGBT Youth Line is a Queer, Trans, Two-Spirit youth-led organization that affirms and supports the experiences of youth (29 and under) across Ontario." They help youth through, providing anonymous peer support and referrals, training youth to provide support to other youth, and providing resources so youth can make informed decisions. 416-962-YOUTH (9688).

This is a transguy and non-binary transition research and community website. It's surgery results, resources and community in one place. They also have a Youtube channel and their own podcast! You can sign up on the site for free and get access to things like a surgery gallery, curated affiliate stores, connections to other members... it's basically access to a welcoming trans community.

" Sistering is a multi-service agency for at-risk, socially isolated women and trans people in Toronto who are homeless or precariously housed." They have a drop-in centre, provide harm reduction and do year-round advocacy work. They've been "serving the community for over 35 years, validating the experiences of women and trans people regardless of outcomes. " Their statement "we see a world where all women and Trans people are valued," says it all.

The Trans Fusion Crew - a weekly drop-in group to explore, learn about and share experiences of gender and everything else - traditionally held a drop-in every Thursday at the Sherbourne Health Clinic, but Covid-19 has put in-person meetups on pause. For now TFC is still running as part of the SOY Community Check-In which happens every Tuesday 5-6:30pm on Zoom, along with the other groups like BQY, Newcomer Express, and Intersections.

Folks are also welcome to reach out to [email protected] for more info, and Zoom codes and other info including Mature Trans Sisters, gender journeys, and the surgical groups.

This group is a partnership of trans and gender non-binary support and advocacy groups in Toronto. They are super active on their FB page, and aim to improve the everyday lives of trans and non-binary people in Toronto and across Ontario and Canada. Trans and non-binary people create, implement and make decisions in all aspects of this project which focuses on "improving access for trans and gender non-binary people to the social determinants of health."

This is a collective of "Trans/2Spirit folks who "address and support the needs of marginalized, racialized and sex working community members. They work hard to "improve the lives and well being of Trans/2Spirit, Black, and Non Binary identities who experience homelessness, marginalization, Poverty. and Transphobia through low barrier accessible and equitable access to housing employment, harm reduction services, and drop-in services to achieve health and well being in their lives.

All programs are currently suspended during COVID-19 but programming that you can support through donations includes: 2S Trans Indigenous bi-weekly drop in, Black African Caribbean monthly drop-in, one on One counselling/support, accompaniment and referrals to doctors, lawyers, drop in and housing, community Outreach to sex workers, homeless populations and more.

A local Toronto collective that "builds and delivers customized gender essentials to those in need." Each toolkit is customized to fit the request and they're always looking for volunteers to help put them together. This is such an essential service for Trans folks during Covid-19 days.

A "collective of Black trans femmes dedicated to creating space for ourselves in the arts and beyond. The mission of the BTFA Collective is to connect the community of black trans women and non-binary femmes in the arts and to build power among ourselves."

"Gays & Lesbians Living In A Transgender Society is a grassroots organization dedicated to supporting the LGBTQIA+ community on a global scale." GLITS recently help raise $1 million for Black Trans futures in the States and are now continuing to accept donations.

The Okra Project is a collective that seeks to address the global crisis faced by Black Trans people by bringing home cooked, healthy, and culturally specific meals and resources to Black Trans People wherever we can reach them.

This fundraiser is organized by Trans In Colour
"Our mission is to provide a safe and stable place for disenfranchised transmasculine people of color, while prioritizing BIPOC. In addition to housing, Trans In Color will help each individual obtain health insurance and training through the local workforce development program which will help them in sustaining a successful life."

The Solutions Not Punishment Collaborative is a Black, Trans-led collective based out of Atlanta, Georgia that aims to restore their city to a place where "every person has the opportunity to grow and thrive without facing unfair barriers, especially from the criminal legal system." The help build Trans Black futures through events, campaigns, and accessible resources.

TJFP (based out of the US) is dedicated to supporting local, grassroots groups organizing for trans justice where grants are given out to organizations that apply.

"Because very little money goes to LGBT organizations and even less goes to trans justice work. Even less than that goes to groups run by and for trans people. Even less goes to grassroots, local work. Even less goes to groups that center the leadership of trans people organizing around their experiences with racism, economic injustice, transmisogyny, ableism, immigration, incarceration, and other intersecting oppressions"

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Resources To Support Toronto's Trans Community | Blog | Yohomo

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We put together a list of Trans-centered initiatives and organizations actively helping BIPOC Trans lives here in Toronto and beyond. We suggest you donate now if you have the means. Let's keep the current energy up by showing support, learning, sharing, and listening to concerns and opinions, even if there aren't any trans folks in your life.

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SAEFTY is Ottawa's only independent youth group run entirely by and for trans and gender diverse youth.

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SAEFTY is Ottawa's only independent youth group run entirely by and for trans and gender diverse youth. SAEFTY provides drop-in programming and community events for trans and gender diverse children, youth, and people of all ages. Some past events have included a t-shirt screen printing workshop and a human library. Schedule may vary. Find out more about our events here.

In addition, SAEFTY has an advocacy team that is working to improve trans health care in Ottawa and beyond. Read our report on the CHEO Gender Clinic here.

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SAEFTY is Ottawa's only independent youth group run entirely by and for trans and gender diverse youth. SAEFTY provides drop-in programming and community events for trans and gender diverse children, youth, and people of all ages. Some past events have included a t-shirt screen printing workshop and a human library.

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How to support a colleague who is transitioning

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How to support a colleague who is transitioning

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Use the name and pronoun they have asked you to use – if you make a mistake, simply say sorry and move on.

Don’t tell anyone else about this person’s gender identity unless they ask you to.

If you hear someone speculating or making fun, ask them to stop and let them know you don’t think it’s funny.

Respect the individual's right to be in gender-specific spaces, like washrooms or change rooms.

Don’t treat them any differently than you did before.

See link here from Toronto Metropolitan University for more information.

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Movies to watch on Transgender Day of Visibility

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Movies to watch on Transgender Day of Visibility

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The transgender community has been historically underrepresented in media, including film and television. Over the past few years, the popularity of shows like Pose and Euphoria has begun to inch toward more equality onscreen. Movies and documentaries that accurately portray the trans and LGBTQ experience are not only valuable, they're essential. Especially for young people and those who are early in their transition journey, seeing their own lived experience or the success of other trans people onscreen can be life-affirming. But it's also important for all people to see the diversity of our society in media, to appreciate the richness of our world.

"We're inspired by the trans people we see on screen," Laverne Cox told Deadline, when discussing her film Disclosure. "We're very much interested in bettering the lives of trans people in real life. This is also the deadliest year on record for trans people. The relationship between the representations of trans people and violence against us - we have to change those narratives."

Of course, the trans experience, like all communities, isn't a monolith. And many films, even beloved ones, sometimes use cisgender characters to portray trans people, or fall short of depicting the whole story. But these movies are a good start.

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15 Transgender Movies and Documentaries to Watch Right Now

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The transgender community has been historically underrepresented in media, including film and television. Over the past few years, the popularity of shows like Pose and Euphoria has begun to inch toward more equality onscreen. Movies and documentaries that accurately portray the trans and LGBTQ experience are not only valuable, they're essential.