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This is a picture of some of the problems that the kids with have to deal with

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This is a picture of the parents fighting over who gets to keep the kid

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This is a picture of the parents  leaving the kid

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This is a picture of one parent getting the kids and the other getting nothing

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This is a picture of the reasons why people get divorced and which gender does it more often

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Negatives things that a child will go though and have to choose after their parents are divorced

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Many of the 1.5 million children in the U.S. whose parents divorce every year feel as if their worlds are falling apart. Divorcing parents are usually very concerned about the welfare of their children during this troublesome process. Some parents are so worried that they remain in unhappy marriages, believing it will protect their offspring from the trauma of divorce.

Yet parents who split have reasons for hope. Researchers have found that only a relatively small percentage of children experience serious problems in the wake of divorce or, later, as adults. In this column, we discuss these findings as well as factors that may protect children from the potentially harmful effects of divorce.
Rapid Recovery
Divorce affects most children in the short run, but research suggests that kids recover rapidly after the initial blow. In a 2002 study psychologist E. Mavis Hetherington of the University of Virginia and her then graduate student Anne Mitchell Elmore found that many children experience short-term negative effects from divorce, especially anxiety, anger, shock and disbelief. These reactions typically diminish or disappear by the end of the second year. Only a minority of kids suffer longer.

Most children of divorce also do well in the longer term. In a quantitative review of the literature in 2001, sociologist Paul R. Amato, then at Pennsylvania State University, examined the possible effects on children several years after a divorce. The studies compared children of married parents with those who experienced divorce at different ages. The investigators followed these kids into later childhood, adolescence or the teenage years, assessing their academic achievement, emotional and behavior problems, delinquency, self-concept and social relationships. On average, the studies found only very small differences on all these measures between children of divorced parents and those from intact families, suggesting that the vast majority of children endure divorce well.

Researchers have consistently found that high levels of parental conflict during and after a divorce are associated with poorer adjustment in children. The effects of conflict before the separation, however, may be the reverse in some cases. In a 1985 study Hetherington and her associates reported that some children who are exposed to high levels of marital discord prior to divorce adjust better than children who experience low levels. Apparently when marital conflict is muted, children are often unprepared when told about the upcoming divorce. They are surprised, perhaps even terrified, by the news. In addition, children from high-discord families may experience the divorce as a welcome relief from their parents' fighting.

Taken together, the findings suggest that only a small percentage of young people experience divorce-related problems. Even here the causes of these lingering difficulties remain uncertain. Some troubles may arise from conflict between Mom and Dad associated with the divorce. The stress of the situation can also cause the quality of parenting to suffer. Divorce frequently contributes to depression, anxiety or substance abuse in one or both parents and may bring about difficulties in balancing work and child rearing. These problems can impair a parent's ability to offer children stability and love when they are most in need.
Grown-up Concerns
The experience of divorce can also create problems that do not appear until the late teenage years or adulthood. In 2000 in a book entitled The Unexpected Legacy of Divorce: A 25 Year Landmark Study, Judith Wallerstein, then at the University of California, Berkeley, and her colleagues present detailed case studies suggesting that most adults who were children of divorce experience serious problems such as depression and relationship issues.

Yet scientific research does not support the view that problems in adulthood are prevalent; it instead demonstrates that most children of divorce become well-adjusted adults. For example, in a 2002 book, For Better or For Worse: Divorce Reconsidered, Hetherington and her co-author, journalist John Kelly, describe a 25-year study in which Hetherington followed children of divorce and children of parents who stayed together. She found that 25 percent of the adults whose parents had divorced experienced serious social, emotional or psychological troubles compared with 10 percent of those whose parents remained together. These findings suggest that only 15 percent of adult children of divorce experience problems over and above those from stable families. No one knows whether this difference is caused by the divorce itself or by variables, such as poorer parenting, that often accompany a marriage's dissolution.

In a review article in 2003, psychologists Joan B. Kelly of Corte Madera, Calif., and Robert E. Emery of the University of Virginia concluded that the relationships of adults whose parents' marriages failed do tend to be somewhat more problematic than those of children from stable homes. For instance, people whose parents split when they were young experience more difficulty forming and sustaining intimate relationships as young adults, greater dissatisfaction with their marriages, a higher divorce rate and poorer relationships with the noncustodial father compared with adults from sustained marriages. On all other measures, differences between the two groups were small.
Bouncing Back
Even though children of divorce generally do well, a number of factors can reduce the problems they might experience. Children fare better if parents can limit conflict associated with the divorce process or minimize the child's exposure to it. Further, children who live in the custody of at least one well-functioning parent do better than those whose primary parent is doing poorly. In the latter situation, the maladjusted parent should seek professional help or consider limiting his or her time with the child. Parents can also support their children during this difficult time by talking to them clearly about the divorce and its implications and answering their questions fully.

Other, more general facets of good parenting can also buffer against divorce-related difficulties in children. Parents should provide warmth and emotional support, and they should closely monitor their children's activities. They should also deliver discipline that is neither overly permissive nor overly strict. Other factors contributing to children's adjustment include postdivorce economic stability and social support from peers and other adults, such as teachers.

In addition, certain characteristics of the child can influence his or her resilience. Children with an easygoing temperament tend to fare better. Coping styles also make a difference. For example, children who are good problem solvers and who seek social support are more resilient than those who rely on distraction and avoidance.

The good news is that although divorce is hard and often extremely painful for children, long-term harm is not inevitable. Most children bounce back and get through this difficult situation with few if any battle scars.

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Many of the 1.5 million children in the U.S. whose parents divorce every year feel as if their worlds are falling apart. Divorcing parents are usually very concerned about the welfare of their children during this troublesome process. Some parents are so worried that they remain in unhappy marriages, believing it will protect their offspring from the trauma of divorce.

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This is about things the kids go though during a divorce

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The Psychological Effects of Divorce on Children

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Find out how kids deal with the emotional impact of divorce. Learn ways you can reduce the likelihood they will experience long-lasting effects.

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Reasons why you shouldńt divorce

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Sharilee Swaity writes on family and marriage issues on her blog, Second Chance Love. She also written a book on the topic of remarriage.

Should I Get a Divorce?

Most people have thought about divorce at least once during their marriage. For some, divorce is a constant threat; for others, it feels like the only hope. Whether you avoid the thought of divorce or think about it every day, this article gives ten new things to consider.

I start with a disclaimer: Both my husband and I are divorced, but neither of us chose it. Our ex-spouses chose it and we had to live with it. If your partner chooses to end the marriage, you cannot force them to stay married. Another caveat: If a partner is any of the following, divorce may be justified:

adulterous

abusive

addicted

In other words, if they are cheating on you, hitting or putting you down, an alcoholic or drug addict, or left you for someone else, this article does not apply to you. However, if the preceding reasons do not apply, and if you are wondering if you should get a divorce, I present you with ten reasons not to.

10 Great Reasons NOT to Divorce

1. Divorce Will Hurt Your Kids

The first reason is something that should give us all pause: the kids. Should you stay married for your children? Well, maybe not, but at least think about how divorce will affect them. You might get over it in time, but they never will.

They will never get over the loss of their family, and their lives will never be the same. Never. When parents start living separate lives, a child's world is shattered, and they must navigate a new reality. There will be long-lasting financial, emotional, developmental, academic, and psychological repercussions. For that kid, the fairy tale is officially over. Yes, kids do "move on," but they are affected forever.

Judith Wallerstein, a well-known psychologist, researcher, author, and advocate of children of divorce, says that even 25 years later, children of divorce are 40% less likely to marry. They report ongoing romantic repercussions many years after their parents' divorce.

Another study, The Effects of Divorce on America, found staggering correlations between divorce and ongoing problems for children. Divorce was linked to higher drug abuse, lower grades, more mental health issues, and higher suicide rates. These are only a couple of examples; there are have been many other studies done on this subject as well.

These statistics are not intended to make anyone feel guilty about something that has already happened. Divorced parents and stepparents (like me) all try to make the best of a difficult situation, but make no mistake, the kids are very much effected.

In my own life, both as a stepmom and as a teacher of at-risk teenagers, I have seen a lot of anger in kids of divorce. This can largely be attributed to the way children feel torn between the two people they love the most in the world: mom and dad, who now don't like each other very much. Divorce is an ongoing conflict, even if there is no real squabbling going on, and it causes division within the child.

So, reason number one for not divorcing is the kids. Divorce hurts them. Period.

2. Emotional Devastation

Divorce is emotionally devastating for most people. It forces us to kill all of the hopes and dreams we were counting on when we decided to marry. It separates us from the one person we believed would always be there for us, holding our hand when we got old and feeble. We may deny it, but there is always pain with separation. Divorce is a type of death and we will need to grieve the loss of the relationship just as we would if a person we love died.

Divorce is the ultimate rejection because we are either rejecting or being rejected by the one person who knew us best in this world. These days, we've grown so accustomed to people splitting up that this silent pain is often ignored and not acknowledged, but it's still real. People often try to alleviate the pain with addictions or new relationships, but these don't heal the wounds. Many people are never the same after a divorce, because everything they thought was real and true is gone.

5. Custody Battles Are Hell

This reason is closely related to the first. Fighting over children will change everyone's life.

One of the worst things about divorce, if children are involved, is the new dirty word you will become very familiar with: custody. You will no longer have the children in your home full-time. You will be sharing those children with your ex-partner, and you will have to arrange your whole life to accommodate these arrangements.

If you are the non-custodial parent, you can never get those hours back and you will miss those children, guaranteed. I watched my husband go through it, and there is nothing like the pain of a dad or mom missing their child. Nothing.

Walking away from a marriage because it's not what you wanted will likely mean walking away from your kids... and that impact is enormous.

It is also important to realize that even the custodial parent loses out. Every time the children go to the other parent, the custodial parent loses their purpose and focus for those days or hours. It's not that the kids' time with your ex-spouse is necessarily bad, but most mothers like to know where their kids are and how they are doing, and sharing custody changes that. You no longer have 24-hour access to your children because you have to share that with your former mate. That is a tough pill to swallow, no matter what.

Custody also means that your children will now have two homes, not one. For the rest of their childhood, they will have to continually split themselves between two residences and will have to adjust every time they go from one to the other. Yes, custody arrangements might sound easy on paper, but emotionally they are seldom easy and rarely painless.

8. Financial Tangles and Added Expenses

The longer a couple stays married, the more time they have to build assets. Couples who have been together for a long time often enjoy a great deal of financial stability. Staying together allows them to accumulate assets and good credit as both partners work together for the good of their household. Divorce disrupts this building process and forces both parties to start from scratch.

According to Nolo Press's nationwide divorce survey, "Most reported paying a total of around $15,500 for their divorces," and if it is contentious, it can cost a lot more. Divorce is expensive in so many ways.

There are the actual legal costs of obtaining a divorce judgment. If there are children involved, custody and child support must be handled. If there are assets, they must be divided. All of these things involve extra expenses and billable legal fees. Anytime a judge is involved, you must pay for the lawyer's time.

Even after the divorce itself, there will be more expenses because now, between the two of you, you are paying for two separate residences instead of one. Two rents or mortgages, the cost of heating two houses, separate meals... it all adds up.

Taking care of your child used to be something the two of you shared, coordinating schedules and jobs to cover the responsibilities. Now, one person-usually the woman-must find a way to care for the child, and the other-usually the man-must pay large amounts of cash to help her do this. Economically, this is far harder than doing it together. Both parties lose in a child support situation.

Job situations also have to change to accommodate a new schedule and a new situation. This can affect employment. If one person has been a student, they may no longer find it possible to continue with their studies after the support of their spouse is gone.

My ex husband moved several times after our divorce in an effort to be closer to his children. That was expensive. I lost many of my household effects because I did not want fight for them and had to move in with my parents for a while. Everyone's situation is unique, but most people incur extensive economic costs.

9. Second Marriages Are Even Harder

I am my husband's second wife. My husband is my second husband. Therefore, I talk about this next subject with some trepidation. For those of us making a new life after divorce, we hope and believe in second chances, and this often includes a second marriage. If a person is divorced, they will often want share their life with someone else and not to simply be alone.

But let's be honest. Second marriages are harder than first marriages. In fact, studies show that 25% of second marriages fail (as compared to 20% of first marriages), and that second marriages, on average, only last 10.8 years for men and seven years for women.

Why are second marriages more difficult?

1. We're less innocent. For the first year and a half of our marriage, my husband and I talked about divorce a lot. Actually I did, and my husband would get angry with me. Why did I do that? Well, it was fear. I knew that we had both come from divorced backgrounds, and when troubles came, it was hard to keep believing that we were going to make it. The threat and possibility of divorce loomed over our heads like a curse. Unlike with our first marriages, we were not "starry-eyed" going in. In fact, we had no illusions to break, and that made us tough. I did not want to be hurt again, and so I acted out to prevent that. Am I alone? I don't think so. Second marriages are less innocent and that makes them harder. Although they are trying to love again, both people are scared, and that's not a good way to start a marriage. This might not apply to everyone, but for some people, it can definitely be a factor.

2. Second marriages are more complicated. Second marriages, especially when children are involved, are very complicated. Your kids must now deal with a new person in their life, and stepparents are now suddenly related to children that they did not create. There are so many variables, and trying to create a new family in the aftermath of a family breakup is never an easy or simple process. When people get married the first time, they usually have some time together before children enter the picture. Or even if they have children right away, they grow with those children. Stepparents, on the other hand, must deal with children from the very start of their marriage and don't have that all-important adjustment period.

3. History repeats itself. History repeats itself, unless we are healed. When people go through a rough relationship that ends in divorce, it is often because of ingrained patterns. Unless they recognize those patterns, both parties will tend to repeat them. For example, if a woman's insecurity interfered with her first marriage, this same insecurity will affect her second marriage unless she finds a way to heal whatever wounds are causing her insecurity. If a man is too controlling in his first marriage and it drove his wife away, those same tendencies will surface in his second marriage and history will repeat. The best predictor of future behaviour is past behaviour, and unless significant healing and change happens within the individual, they are at risk of repeating the cycle. This might be hard to swallow, but it's true.

10. Because You Promised Forever

I,_____, take thee,_____, to my wedded Husband/Wife, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love, cherish, and to obey, till death us do part, according to God's holy ordinance; and thereto I give thee my troth." (Marriage vows from the Book of Common Prayer.)

The wedding vows. Above all, these are the most important reason not to divorce. If you got married, you promised to stay married forever. That was for richer or poorer (through the financial difficulties), in sickness and in health (even when illness disrupts your life and causes emotional turmoil), for better or worse (through all the problems and all the successes of life).

On that day, we promised that we would love. That we would honour. That we would cherish. These days, the "obey" part is usually replaced with "respect," but the point remains. We would be there for each other, no matter what. We say those words in earnest, never guessing what they will cost us. But the words stand, nonetheless.

Mike Mason, in his incredible book, The Mystery of Marriage: Meditations on the Miracle, talks about how those vows are really impossible standards for anyone to keep. How can we always love, he asks? How can we always honour? Or cherish? Yet, we still make those promises. And those words, he concludes, are what keep us together when nothing else does.

You promised. You promised your spouse, your family, your friends, and yourself. That is the final, most important, and most profound reason not to divorce.

More Reasons to Stay Married

Divorce is bad for your health.

Many studies have observed a connection between health and marriage (and a loss of health with divorce). According to BBC News, compared to those who never married, divorced people experience 20% more chronic illnesses like cancer, depression, heart issues, and diabetes.

"Divorce regret" is a very real thing.

And it happens to lots of people. According to a 2016 survey conducted by Seddons, 22% of divorcees have second thoughts and later regret breaking up.

Divorce is not an easy solution.

It might be much simpler to work on your marriage than to throw it all away. Divorce seems like an easy solution, but it's not. Most couples who have lasted say that they had to work through some dark times to get to the good stuff.

5 Dumb Reasons to Divorce

"She/he no longer makes me happy." It's your job to make you happy, not your spouse's. If you're not happy then figure out why, but there's no need to blame other people.

"We've grown apart." Of course you have. This is inevitable in any longterm relationship. Make being together a priority so you and your spouse have time to reconnect.

"I'm bored." Again, a marriage's purpose is not entertainment, and this is not your spouse's responsibility. Face it: life gets boring if you stop doing things to keep it interesting. If you're bored then you need to fill your time with something meaningful... but divorce isn't what I'd call an exciting alternative.

"Because all my friends are doing it." Although a recent Pew Research study suggests that divorce might be "contagious" and that if your friends and family are divorcing, it greatly increases the chance that you will, too, this is just not a good reason. If they were all jumping off cliffs or getting body piercings, would you do that, too?

"We're just too different." Irreconcilable differences are a common reason people use for divorce, but it doesn't make sense if you really think about it. After all, you were two different people when you met so why would you expect that to change? Couples don't need to match, meld, or conform to one another, and no two people agree on everything. If Democrats can marry Republicans and people from dramatically different cultures can peacefully cohabitate, maybe you can, too. Couples that last aren't necessarily the most similar, they're just the most committed, and they remain openminded to and appreciative of difference.

For Those Who Have a Choice

In conclusion, I would like to say that this article has been hard to write, not just because it has been emotional, but because I don't want to be misunderstood. I don't want anyone to be hurt or feel judged by what I am saying.

For anyone already divorced, I recommend moving on and making the best of your life. Heal and live. I do not intend to make anyone feel worse about what's already happened. Similarly, for those in abusive or adulterous situations, I do not mean to guilt you into staying in an impossible situation. Instead, this article is for those who have the choice. I do so want to make that distinction clear.

Disclaimers aside, though, I plead to those who are in the position of considering divorce to consider the cost. It is a huge decision and not one to take lightly. Few, if any, escape unscathed. In fact, it was my current husband who gave me the idea to write this article. We are happily married, but it has been a hard road for both of us to get here. His kids still live with the reality of it, and so do we. My husband wanted people to know how hard divorce is, so I share the credit for this story with him.

Before you divorce, be sure to consider the consequences, because they are serious.

This content is accurate and true to the best of the author's knowledge and is not meant to substitute for formal and individualized advice from a qualified professional.

Questions & Answers

Question:

Is it bad to divorce while grieving? My mom passed away, and my daughter moved away.

Answer:

Thanks so much for taking the time to write. I am sorry for the loss of your mother.

Experts advise to never make any life decisions when you are in the middle of grieving because you are not yourself during this time and may strongly regret it later.

Grief itself can be hard on a marriage and make it hard to reach out to your partner. So, I would suggest waiting for a while until you make this kind of decision.

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Sharilee Swaity writes on family and marriage issues on her blog, Second Chance Love. She also written a book on the topic of remarriage. Most people have thought about divorce at least once during their marriage. For some, divorce is a constant threat; for others, it feels like the only hope.

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What the kids have to face during a divorce

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Many years ago, the myth began to circulate that if parents are unhappy, the kids are unhappy, too. So divorce could help both parent and child. "What's good for mom or dad is good for the children," it was assumed. But we now have an enormous amount of research on divorce and children, all pointing to the same stubborn truth: Kids suffer when moms and dads split up. (And divorce doesn't make mom and dad happier, either.)

The reasons behind the troubling statistics and the always-present emotional trauma are simple but profound. As licensed counselor and therapist Steven Earll writes:

Children (and adult children) have the attitude that their parents should be able to work through and solve any issue. Parents, who have given the children life, are perceived by the children as very competent people with supernatural abilities to meet the needs of the children. No problem should be too great for their parents to handle. For a child, divorce shatters this basic safety and belief concerning the parents' abilities to care for them and to make decisions that truly consider their well-being.

Children have the strong belief that there is only one right family relationship, and that is Mom and Dad being together. Any other relationship configuration presents a conflict or betrayal of their basic understanding of life. In divorce, children [tend to] resent both the custodial and absent parent."

Research on Children and Divorce

While virtually every child suffers the lost relationship and lost security described above, for many, the emotional scars have additional, more visible consequences. More than 30 years of research continues to reveal the negative effects of divorce on children. Most of these measurable effects are calculated in increased risks. In other words, while divorce does not mean these effects will definitely occur in your child, it does greatly increase the risks. The odds are simply against your kids if you divorce.
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Research comparing children of divorced parents to children with married parents shows:

Children from divorced homes suffer academically. They experience high levels of behavioral problems. Their grades suffer, and they are less likely to graduate from high school.

Kids whose parents divorce are substantially more likely to be incarcerated for committing a crime as a juvenile.

Because the custodial parent's income drops substantially after a divorce, children in divorced homes are almost five times more likely to live in poverty than are children with married parents.

Teens from divorced homes are much more likely to engage in drug and alcohol use, as well as sexual intercourse than are those from intact families.

Before you say, "Not my kid," remember that the children and teens represented in these statistics are normal kids, probably not much different from yours. Their parents didn't think they would get involved in these things, either. Again, we're looking at increased risks.

A few more statistics to consider:

Children from divorced homes experience illness more frequently and recover from sickness more slowly. They are also more likely to suffer child abuse.

Children of divorced parents suffer more frequently from symptoms of psychological distress. And the emotional scars of divorce last into adulthood.

The scope of this last finding - children suffer emotionally from their parents' divorce - has been largely underestimated. Obviously, not every child of divorce commits crime or drops out of school. Some do well in school and even become high achievers. However, we now know that even these children experience deep and lasting emotional trauma.

For all children, their parents' divorce colors their view of the world and relationships for the rest of their lives.

Wallerstein Study

Psychologist Judith Wallerstein followed a group of children of divorce from the 1970s into the 1990s. Interviewing them at 18 months and then 5, 10, 15 and 25 years after the divorce, she expected to find that they had bounced back. But what she found was dismaying: Even 25 years after the divorce, these children continued to experience substantial expectations of failure, fear of loss, fear of change and fear of conflict. Twenty-five years!

The children in Wallerstein's study were especially challenged when they began to form their own romantic relationships. As Wallerstein explains, "Contrary to what we have long thought, the major impact of divorce does not occur during childhood or adolescence. Rather, it rises in adulthood as serious romantic relationships move center stage . . . Anxiety leads many [adult children of divorce] into making bad choices in relationships, giving up hastily when problems arise, or avoiding relationships altogether."

Other researchers confirm Wallerstein's findings. Specifically, compared to kids from intact homes, children who experienced their parents' divorce view premarital sex and cohabitation more favorably. (This is disturbing news given that cohabiting couples have more breakups, greater risk of domestic violence and are more likely to experience divorce.)

Behind each of these statistics is a life - a child, now an adult, still coping with the emotions brought on by the divorce.

As Wallerstein put it, "The kids [in my study] had a hard time remembering the pre-divorce family . . . but what they remembered about the post-divorce years was their sense that they had indeed been abandoned by both parents, that their nightmare [of abandonment] had come true."

Parents tend to want to have their own needs met after a divorce - to find happiness again with someone new. But not only do the old problems often resurface for the adults, new problems are added for the children. As Wallerstein observed, "It's not that parents love their children less or worry less about them. It's that they are fully engaged in rebuilding their own lives - economically, socially and sexually. Parents' and children's needs are often out of sync for many years after the breakup." Children again feel abandoned as parents pursue better relationships after the breakup."

Feelings of abandonment and confusion are only compounded when one or both parents find a new spouse. A second marriage brings complications and new emotions for children - not to mention new stepsiblings, stepparents and stepgrandparents, who often are in competition for the parent's attention. (And the adjustment can be even more difficult - because it is the adults who choose new families, not the children.)

Lilly expressed it this way: "My loss was magnified as my father remarried and adopted a new 'family.' Despite attempts on my part to keep in touch, we live in different cities, and his life now revolves around his new family with infrequent contact with me. This has only increased the feelings of abandonment and alienation from the divorce."

And the high rate of second-marriage divorces can leave children reeling from yet another loss.

Full "recovery" is nearly impossible for children because of the dynamic nature of family life. While you and your ex-spouse's lives may go on separately with relatively little thought, your children will think about their loss almost every day. And 25 years after the fact, they will certainly be influenced by it. Life itself will remind them of the loss at even the happiest moments. As Earll explains: "Children never get over divorce. It is a great loss that is in their lives forever. It is like a grief that is never over. All special events, such as holidays, plays, sports, graduations, marriages, births of children, etc., bring up the loss created by divorce as well as the family relationship conflicts that result from the 'extended family' celebrating any event."

Not an Easy Out

What parents see as a quick way out often results in emotional damage that the children will carry for 30 years or more. Divorce is no small thing to children. It is the violent ripping apart of their parents, a loss of stability and often a complete shock. While we often think of children as resilient, going through such trauma is a lot to ask of our kids.

In light of the fact that most marriages heading for divorce can be salvaged and turned into great marriages, parents should take a long pause before choosing divorce. While it may seem like a solution to you, it's not an easy out for you or your kids.

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Many years ago, the myth began to circulate that if parents are unhappy, the kids are unhappy, too. So divorce could help both parent and child. "What's good for mom or dad is good for the children," it was assumed.

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Things to ask yourself if you need a divorce

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Are You Really Ready for Divorce? The 8 Questions You Need to Ask

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This article outlines what couples need to do in order to consider and face the numerous dilemmas that are inherent in divorce.

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What the Kids can go though and what can happen to them

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Katherine Sellwood, PsyD Psychologist, explains the common ways that kids can be affected by their parents' divorce and shares advice on how to help your child through the transition

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Effects the kids will have

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Kidsinthehouse.com - Effects of divorce on children

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View Douglas Green, MFT's video on Effects of divorce on children...

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It is better to leave an unhealthy marriage than to stay in it

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When you're considering divorce ― or reeling from your ex's decision to end the marriage ― it's easy to focus on the negatives: How will I possibly get by living on my own again? How will the kids be impacted by this? Am I doomed to be alone for the rest of my life?

While those concerns are understandable, it's equally important to focus on the good that can come of being single. Below, HuffPost Divorce bloggers share 11 reasons divorce is preferable to staying in an unhappy, unhealthy marriage.

1. Marriage may give you a sense of security but divorce gives you a new lease on life.

2. Being a single parent is better than modeling an unhealthy relationship.

"If you're a parent with young kids, getting a divorce is better than staying in a bad marriage because these are formative years for them. They will likely seek out and emulate the types of relationships they see modeled. I want my relationships to be happy, healthy and mutually respectful, so that my children never settle for anything else in their own lives." ― Lindsey Light

3. Divorce clears the way for you to meet the right partner.

4. You get to focus on you for once.

"After divorce, you find yourself again and fall in love with the wonderful attributes that make you you. As a mother especially, you can parent with just your own mama instincts and all your love and energy can flow into your little one(s). You find genuine peace and happiness and an appreciation for life that may have been sucked out of you during your bad marriage." ― Shelley Cameron

5. Divorce isn't the worst thing that can happen to your kids. Enduring a hostile home life is.

6. There's a big difference between loneliness and solitude.

7. You and your partner may be stifling each other's growth.

8. A happier parent is a better parent.

9. You can devote your energy to other important areas of your life.

10. You deserve a partner who's just as invested in the relationship as you are.

11. You lose a spouse but you gain happiness.

SEE GALLERY

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divorce relationship advice marriage advice should i get a divorce

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11 Reasons Divorce Is Better Than Staying In A Bad Marriage

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When you're considering divorce ― or reeling from your ex's decision to end the marriage ― it's easy to focus on the negatives: How will I possibly get by living on my own again? How will the kids be impacted by this? Am I doomed to be alone for the rest of my life?