# data[].attributes.attachment_link.readable_text
Understanding how to create emotional safety is key to fostering meaningful connections and healthy relationships.

Emotional safety is the foundation for a loving and healthy relationship. It's about establishing trust with another person and feeling safe enough to be open and vulnerable with them.

To put it simply, emotional safety is feeling secure enough to truly express yourself with someone and show up as your most authentic self.

Emotional safety also goes both ways. When you feel emotionally safe and reveal your true self, it opens the door for your partner to do the same. And when both people in a relationship feel secure, it provides a safe environment where a deeper and more loving connection can form.

When you find yourself in an emotionally safe relationship, chances are you'll experience many advantages as a result. Benefits of emotionally safe relationships include:

You feel valued and valuable.

You can truly be yourself without the risk of judgment.

You can show your weaknesses without being taken advantage of.

You can share boldly and express yourself freely.

You feel seen, heard, and understood.

More importantly, an emotionally safe relationship creates a stronger connection.

Of connection, Brené Brown, author and research professor of social work at the University of Houston, said it best: "I define connection as the energy that exists between people when they feel seen, heard, and valued; when they can give and receive without judgment; and when they derive sustenance and strength from the relationship."

Wondering how to build emotional safety or unsure where to start? We've broken down seven helpful ways to cultivate trust and vulnerability in any relationship.

Respect boundaries and consent

Setting and respecting boundaries can increase safety and security in a relationship by establishing personal limits. By communicating a limitation, you let your partner in on your preferences and invite them to share their own. Think of boundaries as not only protecting yourself but also protecting your relationship.

Boundaries can be physical, sexual, intellectual, emotional, or financial - all critical to nurturing respect in a healthy relationship. Once you set a boundary, it's crucial that you and your partner respect it. Some examples of boundaries that promote emotional safety are:

honoring what is important to you

sharing personal information gradually

protecting your time by not overcommitting

asking for space when you need alone time

communicating your comfort level on intimacy

Pay attention to your nonverbal communication

Body language is essential for emotional safety.

Vocal tone, eye shape, posture, and other micro expressions are continuously being interpreted by you and your partner, whether you realize it or not. "If you approach your partners with hard eyes, tightly pressed lips, and short words, they may not feel safe," says Dr. Jake Porter, a Houston-based licensed professional counselor.

"The key here is to realize that we are each responsible not only for the words we say but also the way we send them," he adds.

It's a good idea to practice paying attention to the nonverbal communication you're carrying with you before you approach your partner. Consider asking yourself, "What is my body language communicating right now?"

Be an active listener

Active listening is a critical component to a healthy relationship because people need to feel heard and understood to feel secure and validated. "Active listening is when you set aside your defenses and distractions, and truly take in what your partner is telling you," explains Dr. Isabelle Morley, a licensed clinical psychologist based in Massachusetts.

"The ability to actively listen means that whenever fears or issues arise, your partner will feel comfortable telling you," she adds. "Instead of the problem growing or your partner becoming resentful, you'll be able to quickly and easily address it."

Some ways to practice active listening include:

nonverbal signs of listening like smiling, nodding, and maintaining eye contact

asking your partner questions or asking for clarification

summarizing or reflecting back on what was said

Practice transparency

Transparency is an important part of building trust and emotional safety. When you practice transparency, you eliminate the potential feeling that you or your partner are hiding something from each other.

While you don't need to share every part of your life with your partner, "general openness about your thoughts, feelings, and activities is a good way to build trust, communication, and security," says Morley.

Give your partner the benefit of the doubt

Giving your partner the benefit of the doubt means removing judgment and, instead, being curious to learn about the motivation for their behavior. "Most people's motivations are subconscious and often connected to their own baggage they bring to the relationship," says Baltimore-based certified imago relationship therapist Rabbi Shlomo Slatkin.

"When we stop judging and making up stories of why our partner did what they did, we begin to look at them favorably from a place of compassion and understanding," he adds. "We may disagree with them, but we can at least create a safe environment without confrontation."

Foster accountability and follow through

Following through shows your partner that you are dependable and value the relationship. When you commit to something and follow through, you actively build trust by showing your partner your loyalty. Yet following through doesn't have to happen overnight.

Even when you take small steps, enabling your partner to see your consistent effort shows them your commitment to the relationship. Try keeping your partner in the loop, as this will help you hold yourself accountable too.

Consider couples or relationship therapy

A mental health professional's perspective can help people in relationships build emotional safety by focusing on dealing with conflict rather than focusing on the conflict itself.

" Couples therapy fosters emotional safety by helping couples understand how they work together as a system," explains Porter. "When I work with couples, I'm less interested in the content of what they are fighting about than the process of how they fight."

"Focusing on the content might help them in the moment as I mediate a dispute, but they are just going to end up right back in the therapy office next time they can't agree," He adds. "Instead, by helping them create a new process for how they approach conflict to set them up for success as life continues to throw challenges their way."

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.keywords[]
how to create emotional safety in a relationship

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.title
How to Create Emotional Safety in a Relationship: 7 Tips

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.description
Understanding how to create emotional safety is key to fostering meaningful connections and healthy relationships. Emotional safety is the foundation for a loving and healthy relationship. It's about establishing trust with another person and feeling safe enough to be open and vulnerable with them.

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.readable_text
In a world where it is easy to feel disconnected from others, strengthening your bonds with the people in your community can be an essential step towards feeling more fulfilled. As community members, strengthening the bonds that tie us to one another is something that we all need to do.

Studies have shown that social support is one of the best ways to improve health and well-being. Building community bonds helps people feel connected to their communities, but it can be challenging for people to get started. Therefore, people need to find ways to establish good relationships with the people in their community.

How to Strengthen Community Bonds

There are many ways to build community bonds, but here are just a few of the most simple and effective methods:

Spend time with your neighbors

One of the easiest ways to build and strengthen community bonds is by spending time with your neighbors. You can invite your neighbors over for dinner or attend local activities together. You need to make the first move towards strengthening your relationship with people in your community so that they feel more comfortable strengthening their relationships with you.

Be a strong community member and role model to others

As the saying goes, "Seek not what your country can do for you; but rather seek what you can do for your country." This quote highlights the importance of taking an active part in building stronger bonds within your community. You need to be a strong community member because you are willing to give back in any way that you can.

Being a role model to others will help in strengthening stronger bonds with the community because you will be showing your peers and others that it is vital to interact with others. You can set an example by treating your neighbors with respect and being courteous to them.

Being a good role model means that you are there for others in the community when they need help. If an elderly neighbor is having trouble with their lawn, be the first one at their door offering your services. This will strengthen bonds because it shows everyone involved that you care enough about strengthening relationships within your community.

Attend social gatherings

The next time there is a community event, get involved and attend it! You will be able to meet new people and strengthen ties with your neighbors. Volunteering for causes important to the members of your community also shows them that you care about strengthening relationships within their group.

Attending social gatherings is a great way to build stronger relationships with your community members. Therefore, you need to make time to attend social gatherings hosted by your community. This way, you can interact with more members of your community and strengthen relationships with them.

Get involved in local events

Local events such as fairs and parades are fantastic ways to get involved with the community. These events bring people together so that they can interact face to face, strengthening their relationships in the process.

You can take an active role in local events by volunteering to help out with the event. Volunteering your time and talents is a wonderful way of strengthening relationships with members of your community. For example, if your community is hosting a fair, you can volunteer as a committee member that will be in charge of the event.

You can also sponsor things like T-shirts printed with logos and messages of your choice using heat press vinyl. You can either give these shirts for free to the other members of your committee or sell them to raise funds for a special cause.

Participate in volunteer opportunities

Volunteer opportunities are held regularly by community organizations. Participating in these opportunities will help strengthen relationships with other members of your community because you are spending time together doing something meaningful.

Examples of good volunteer opportunities you can participate in include serving food at soup kitchens, cleaning up the community park, and hosting a fundraiser. Encourage other members of your community to participate in volunteer opportunities by sharing information about upcoming events with them on social media sites such as Facebook or Twitter. You can also send out an email blast which will be seen by all the people registered for your newsletter list.

Establishing Good Relationships with People in Your Community

Being a good member of your community entails strengthening relationships with your neighbors. There are so many ways that you can build a strong bond with the people around you. Some of these include volunteering, attending local events, or just spending time with your neighbors. Doing these things will help you to establish a trusting relationship with the people in your community.

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.title
Simple Ways to Build Stronger Relationships in Your Community

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.description
In a world where it is easy to feel disconnected from others, strengthening your bonds with the people in your community can be an essential step towards feeling more fulfilled. As community members, strengthening the bonds that tie us to one another is something that we all need to do.

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.readable_text
While no man (or woman) is an island, it can also be difficult to get along with others. Friendships and romantic endeavors all have their ups and downs, but you never want to be stuck in a relationship that's doing you more harm than good. That's why it's good to set the right kind of expectations when it comes to your connections with others. If you follow these rules, you'll be well on your way to cultivating healthy relationships and avoiding potentially toxic situations.

Stay true to who you are.

Whether it's a friend with an infectious personality or a charismatic partner, it can be easy to be swept away in a new relationship. And while it's fine to appreciate someone for who they are, you should also embrace your own unique personality! Remember, there's a reason they like you in the first place, so don't lose your own unique qualities. Keep your own personal goals and growth in mind regardless of how much time you're spending with someone new.

Be open and honest from day one.

One of the worst things you could do to sabotage a new relationship would be to build it on a foundation of dishonesty. It doesn't even have to be a big ol' dirty lie that you're hiding - it could be withholding something trivial. For example, it might not seem like a big deal to lie and say you like spicy food to appease your friend at dinner. But later on, you're going to regret that decision when your mouth is constantly on fire, and they'll be offended that you didn't feel you could tell them the truth.

Practice empathy for the other person.

Empathy is basically a fancy way of saying "put yourself in someone else's shoes." Really take a moment to think about how your counterpart might be feeling given their situation and personality. Everyone is on their own journey, and it can be hard sometimes to remember that something may affect another person entirely different than it would affect you. The enemy of empathy is self-centeredness or narcissism, so make strides to eliminate those from your relationship.

Constant communication is key.

Constant communication doesn't mean that you're texting or calling each other nonstop. But remaining open to communication when there's confusion or a misunderstanding is crucial. To simply shut down and avoid a problem will only make it worse. It's better to hash things out and start things off with a policy to talk about things when they arise. Maybe your friend or partner is someone who needs to take a step back before a discussion - that's fine as long as you can discuss things civilly shortly afterward.

Be reliable and consistent.

Don't be that friend who always flakes out - no one likes that! Part of establishing a trusting relationship is simply showing up and doing what you say you're going to do. If you're unreliable in one aspect of your life, there's a good chance you're unreliable in other ways too. Build strong bonds of trust and conviction for a healthy backbone of any connection.

Set boundaries where you need them.

Keep in mind these "boundaries" can be applied to any subject. If your friend keeps borrowing money from you, set a boundary to not let him/her ask for any more until the first amount is paid back. If your partner wants to spend every waking moment with you but you need alone time, set that boundary. It's all about knowing what's best for you, what's best for them and finding an agreement.

There has to be fairness and reciprocity.

Of course, all of the previous rules don't really work unless both people are actively practicing them. This doesn't mean you need to keep score of who's being a better friend - just make sure you're both putting in the effort and pulling your own weight. No partnership is totally perfect - sometimes they're a lot of work. Just remember that it takes two to tango!

Do you have any advice for creating better relationships? If so, feel free to share it in the comments!

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.title
How to Cultivate Healthy Relationships and Avoid Toxic Ones

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.description
While no man (or woman) is an island, it can also be difficult to get along with others. Friendships and romantic endeavors all have their ups and downs, but you never want to be stuck in a relationship that's doing you more harm than good.

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.title
Improving Family Relationships With Emotional Intelligence - HelpGuide.org

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.description
Looking to improve your relationships with your family members? Learn how emotional intelligence (EQ) is your most effective tool for overcoming rifts and strengthening bonds.

# data[].attributes.attachment_caption
Is Your Family Toxic? How to know if it might be time to cut them out of your life.

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.description
How to know if it might be time to cut them out of your life.

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.readable_text
Strelka/Flickr

At some point, you may feel that you and a friend don't connect anymore, whether you find you have less in common or feel they're treating you differently lately and are subtracting from your life more than adding to it.

Like a romantic relationship , you may know it's not working out, but when it comes time to breaking up with them, it's easier said than done. However, sometimes, there are signs it's time to dump a friend.

"We crave connection and to build a pack around us," Kailee Place, licensed professional counselor (LPC) at her private practice , Shifting Tides Therapeutic Solutions, in Charleston, South Carolina, told Business Insider in an email. "We may have different groups of friends that serve different purposes - from friends who enjoy going on adventures to ones who may indulge our homebody side - and healthy friendships allow us to be authentic, comfortable, and loved."

Place said the common theme in working friendships is having a friend who leaves you feeling supported and cared for. "Occasionally, friendships go sour, and it's incredibly hard to cut off a friend, but keeping a toxic friend around is draining," she said. "In the long run, it's better to cut ties, and find people who appreciate and support you."

To Place's point, if you're not sure whether or not to cut someone out of your life, here are 9 signs it's time to end a friendship, according to therapists.

1. The friendship is consistently one-sided

Any type of relationship should be a two-way street, whether it's a platonic, familial, or romantic one. But if you find that a certain friendship is consistently one-sided, it may be time to say goodbye.

"If you're pouring energy into someone who isn't giving you the same treatment, it's not a mutual friendship," Place said. "If you are finding your friend only pops up when they need something or they are going through a hard time - but often go silent or provide very little in your time of need - it's time to say bye to this friend."

2. They betray your trust

Trust is a big part of any kind of relationship, and once it's gone, it's hard to recover.

"In friendships, there are minor and major betrayals that injure trust," Melody Li , an Austin-based licensed marriage and family therapist (LMFT), relationship specialist, and co-founder of the Austin Counseling Collective , told Business Insider in an email.

Li said if it's a minor incident and the injuring friend shows regret and a plan to regain trust, the injured friend may give them another chance - with caution. "However, major betrayals - like seducing the friend's significant other, cheating, or stealing money - are red flags," she said. "That relationship may not be worthwhile to reexplore at all."

3. They don't keep your secrets

Shutterstock

Along the lines of being able to trust your friend, you want to make sure that they keep private things private, according to Jill Whitney, a licensed marriage and family therapist (LMFT) who writes about relationships and sexuality at KeepTheTalkGoing.com . "You need to be able to trust your friends to respect your confidences," she told Business Insider in an email.

Many things you talk about won't be especially private, she said, and then it's probably fine for your friend to share those things with other friends. "But when you make it clear that you don't want a specific thing shared, any decent friend will honor that," Whitney said.

4. They are overly negative and pessimistic

Although everyone has good times and bad times, if your friend tends to be more pessimistic than optimistic, it may be a sign to end the friendship.

"If you have a friend who is consistently negative without making efforts to change, it may be time for some distance," Place said. "Most people are compassionate and empathetic of others, especially friends, but you must take care of yourself first and foremost." She said if a negative friend is bringing you down, it's reasonable to spend less time with them or take a break from them altogether.

5. You have little or nothing to talk about

Sometimes, friends drift apart, whether you have less in common or life circumstances have changed. If you have little or nothing to talk about anymore, it may be a sign your friendship as you knew it has come to an end.

"You and a perfectly nice friend can just drift apart," Whitney said. "You may have been close at one point in your lives, but now your paths have diverged so much that when you get together, it's awkward."

To save the friendship, Whitney suggested, talk about how your lives have changed or focus on an activity that both of you still like. "But you may decide to invest less time in that friendship instead," she said.

6. They create or attract drama

If your friend constantly has drama happening in their world, it may negatively affect your friendship with them. "These types of friends can seem exciting for a little while - with things happening all the time - but it becomes clear that chaos follows this person," Place said. "You may notice relationships in their life seem to be unhealthy or chaotic, as well."

Place advises to ask yourself if this friendship is actually mutual and supportive, or if you're just being drawn into the amusement or drama. "And, sooner or later, you'll become part of the chaos versus just a spectator," she said.

Whitney agrees. "These folks are exhausting," she said. "They suck you into their tale of woe - they blame all their troubles on someone else or won't keep a steady job, yet constantly complain how broke they are." She said that, out of compassion, you may try to help, yet they never take your advice, and the same problems keep repeating.

7. They are passive-aggressive when you say "no" to them

There will be times when you have to say "no" to a friend, whether it's regarding weekend plans or doing them a favor, and it may not be easy. Place says it's important to see how they react when you have to say "no."

"Sometimes, life happens and you need time for yourself, and that's okay," she said. "If your friend gets salty about you taking this time for yourself, that's not a healthy dynamic. A friend supports you and understands when you need to take time for yourself versus making it about themselves or being passive-aggressive."

8. They dismiss it when you raise a concern

No friendship is perfect, and you and your friend should be able to voice your concerns when one of you feels hurt or needs to address a problem. However, if you can't, there may be a problem within the friendship.

"An immature friend may say you're wrong or overreacting," Whitney said. "They may immediately turn the problem back on you and not own any part of it."

She said a sign of a quality friend, however, is that they may not agree with you on something, but they will hear you out respectfully. "They'll care about your feelings and perspective," she said. "But friends who can't have a balanced conversation about problems in your relationship may not be friends worth keeping."

9. They make you feel worse, not better

When you're with a friend, hopefully, they make you feel better, not worse. If it's the latter, it may be time to cut ties.

"If you find that every time you've been with a certain friend, you feel worse afterward, take a good look at what's going on," Whitney said. She said to consider a few factors: Do they constantly compare you negatively to themselves or other people? Do they consistently point out your faults? Do they mock you, maybe in an "Oh-I'm-just-joking-but-still hurtful" way?

Features Freelancer BI-freelancer

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.title
9 signs it's time to end a friendship, according to therapists

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.description
At some point, you may feel that you and a friend don't connect anymore, whether you find you have less in common or feel they're treating you differently lately and are subtracting from your life more than adding to it.

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.readable_text
Learn how to build relationships because the relationships you have with coworkers, the community, and your adversaries are ideal for achieving your goals.

What is relationship building all about?

Why do we need to build and sustain relationships?

When do you build and sustain relationships?

How do you build relationships? An 11-step program

How do you sustain relationships?

What is relationship building all about?

Relationships are the building blocks for all community organizing activities. Whether you want to organize a volleyball game or get rid of unfair housing practices in your town, you will need lots of good relationships. Why? Because the relationships we have with our coworkers, the communities we serve, and even our adversaries are the means for achieving our goals. People don't work in isolation: we need to be working together! It is our relationships all added together that are the foundation of an organized effort for change. We need lots of people to contribute their ideas, take a stand, and get the work done.

It is also the people who motivate us to reach our goals. As community builders, we care deeply about people and caring is part of our work. It is our caring for others that motivates us to work as hard as we do. It is often the health and happiness of our children, neighbors, and coworkers that we hold fixed in our minds as we push ourselves to overcome obstacles and take on challenges that can feel overwhelming.

If you are the official leader, or an active citizen without an official title, you will be most effective if you establish many strong relationships around yourself in the community.

In this section, we will talk about building and sustaining relationships and give you some practical tips and general guidelines.

And remember: ordinary people learn the skills of establishing and maintaining relationships all the time. You don't need to be particularly charming, witty, or talented. However, if you are charming, witty, or talented, these guidelines may help you, too!

Why do we need to build and sustain relationships?

Let's look at this example:

Organizing a block party
Suppose you want to organize a block party. What kind of relationships do you need to make it happen?
Who will help you plan the block party?
You don't want to do all the planning and legwork by yourself, do you? It would be much more fun, not to mention easier, to work with a few neighbors to make this block party happen.
How do you get local approval and cooperation?
In many towns, you need the city council or government groups to approve block party permits. Having a friend or two in local government might help you figure out how to work your way through the bureaucratic hoops to get your permit. If you don't know anyone, you can build some relationships along the way.
Who else might lend a hand?
If you already have a relationship with your corner grocery store owner, she might donate some watermelon or drinks for the block party. If you know your neighborhood firefighters, they may be willing to bring over a fire engine for the children to climb on. Do you have a friend who is a clown?
Who will come to the block party?
Last, but not least, in order to have a successful block party, you want as many people from your block to come as you can get. If your neighbors know you or anyone else on the planning committee, they will be much more willing to overcome their shyness and show up.

Overall, the more people you know, the easier it will be to organize a block party and the more fun it will be for everyone.

Fundamental reasons to build relationships:

Community building occurs one-to-one. You need to build relationships with people one-to-one if you want them to become involved in your group or organization. Some people become involved in organizations because they believe in the cause. However, many people become involved in a community group or organization, just because they have a relationship with another person who is already involved.

We need relationships in order to win allies to our cause. In order to get support from people outside our organizations, we need to build relationships in which people know and trust us.

Our relationships give meaning and richness to our work and to our lives. We all need a community of people to share the joys and the struggles of organizing and making community change. A little bit of camaraderie goes a long way.

What kinds of relationships are we talking about?

Every relationship is different, but they all matter. If you smile and say hello to the school crossing guard on your way to work every day, you have formed a relationship. That crossing guard may be the one who will be watching out for your kids or grandchildren when they are old enough to walk to school by themselves. The guard will remember you and your warm smile when escorting your child across the street. And maybe the crossing guard will be the one you eventually recruit to head up the citizens' traffic safety committee.

Your relationship with the crossing guard may be quite different from the relationships you have with people involved in your neighborhood park-cleaning committee. The relationships you have with the mayor's aide, with your staff, with members of your board of directors, and with your spouse will all be different but they all play an important role in community organizing.

The more relationships you have, the better. You never know when they will come in handy. A local gang member might be just the person you need to help you organize a group to build a new playground in your neighborhood. Whether they are government officials, school teachers, business people, elders, gardeners, children, people with disabilities, homeless people or whoever else--building friendships will pay off in ways you may never have anticipated.

You are at the center

Imagine a wheel in which you are at the hub or center and each spoke represents a relationship with another person. Does that sound egotistical? It doesn't need to be. It takes a lot of spokes to hold the wheel together and the wheel is what helps move the initiative along. There is enough room in the group for everyone to create their own wheel of strong relationships.

The point is that you have to take the time to set up and sustain relationships. If you wait for others to establish relationships with you first, you may spend a lot of time waiting.

One reminder: It doesn't make sense to form relationships just to get people to do work for you. That won't work because people will feel used. Community builders approach relationships with integrity. We form relationships because we genuinely like someone, because we have something to offer that person, or because we share some common goal.

When do you build and sustain relationships?

You do it all the time. If you take an extra five minutes to ask the person who is stuffing envelopes how they think the baseball team is doing this year, you will have built a stronger relationship.

Some relationships require more time than others. You may want to meet for lunch once a month with all the other directors of youth organizations in your town. You may need to meet twice this week with a staff member who has some built up resentment about the job. You may want to call your school committee representative every now and then to check in about issues of common concern.

As community organizers with few resources, we are often under enormous pressures that distract us from paying attention to relationships. We feel the urgency of achieving important goals. We mistakenly feel that spending time on relationships is the fluffy stuff that makes a person feel good, but doesn't get the job done. Often, however, relationships are the key to solving a problem or getting the job done. Building and sustaining many solid, strong relationships is central to our work as community leaders.

Relationships are the groundwork

Often building relationships is the groundwork that must be laid before anything else gets done on a project. The bigger the project, the more relationships you will usually need as a foundation.

For example, if you are organizing a coalition of community groups that will work to create a multicultural arts center, it would be a good idea to get to know people in each organization before trying to get them together to work on the project.

Ask yourself: "Would you be more persuaded by someone you know, or by a complete stranger?" Then be guided by your own answer.

When you plan a project, you need to include the time it takes to build relationships into your plan. People need time to build trust. Whenever people work together, they need to have trusting relationships. When trust is missing, people usually have a difficult time functioning cooperatively. They worry about risking too much. Disagreements seem to erupt over no important reason. Investing time, resources, and one's organizational reputation can be risky. At the least people want some return for their investment. They have to feel like you know them as a person, understand their interests, and will not let them down.

Back to the multicultural arts center example--if creating one will involve several community groups, and if you don't know them well (and they don't know each other), start working together on a smaller project first. For example, you can jointly sponsor an evening of cultural sharing. If the evening is successful, you will have gained some shared trust and confidence on which to build. You can plan several similar events that will build trust over a period of time.

If things are not going well, back up and try an easier challenge. If you begin to hold discussions on the multicultural arts center and people show signs of apprehension rather than excitement, slow down the process. Take on an easier challenge until strong relationships are better established.

Establish relationships before you need them

It's always better to build relationships before you need them or before a conflict arises. If you already have a good relationship with the grocery store owner in your neighborhood, you will be in a better position to help solve a dicey conflict between him and some neighborhood teens. If you have already established a relationship with your school committee representative, she might be more willing to respond to your opinions about special education funding.

Establishing relationships in a crisis

It is not impossible to establish relationships during a crisis, and often a crisis can bring people together. While it may seem unusual, make the most of your organization's crises. Call for help and people will rise to the call. You can build relationships when you are in need, because people often want to help.

How do you build relationships? An 11-step program

Here are some tips for getting your relationships off the ground. Some of these ideas we learned in the first grade but, as adults, we sometimes forget.

Build relationships one at a time. Fortunately or unfortunately, there are no short cuts. Sending out a newsletter helps you keep in touch with lots of folks, but it's no substitute for getting to know a real person.

Be friendly and make a connection. This may seem self-evident, but a friendly word or smile can make someone's day. Try to find something in common: all of us want to have close connections with our fellow humans.

Ask people questions. People love to talk about themselves and about what they think. If you ask people about themselves and then take the time to listen attentively, they can become your fast friend.

Tell people about yourself. People won't trust you unless you are willing to trust them. Tell them what you genuinely care about and what you think.

Go places and do things. When asked why he robbed banks, the robber replied, "Because that's where the money is." If you want to make friends, you have to go where the people are: picnics, conferences, events, fundraisers, parties, playgrounds, bowling alleys, little league games, bake sales, etc..

Accept people the way they are. You don't have to agree with them all the time in order to form a relationship with them. No one likes to be judged.

Assume other people want to form relationships, too. Underneath the crabbiest looking person is often a lonely soul hoping someone will make a crack in their shell.

Overcome your fear of rejection. Most of us suffer from a fear of rejection, and there's only one thing to do about that: get over it. If you want to form relationships, plan on being rejected some of the time. You will be richly rewarded the rest of the time with the new relationships you have made.

Be persistent. People are often shy and suspicious. It takes a while to win trust. You can almost always form a relationship if you stick with it.

Invite people to get involved. People want to become part of something bigger than themselves. Many people are looking for an opportunity to meet other people who share common goals. At the worst, people will be flattered that you invited them to join.

Enjoy people. If you genuinely enjoy people, others will be attracted to your attitude. People will more likely want to be around you.

How do you build relationships with people of different cultural backgrounds than your own?

Here are some common-sense guidelines:

Learn about the person's culture. Any effort will go a long way in showing that you care enough to find out about the reality of another person's life.

Put yourself at the center of another person's culture. Especially if you are getting to know someone who is not a part of majority culture, try going to their cultural events where you are the minority. If you are willing to take risks and put yourself in a situation in which you might feel uncomfortable, people will be more inclined to want to get to know you.

Take a stand against the person's oppression. Actions speak louder than words. People who experience oppression need allies to speak out against injustice. Strong relationships are forged when people act courageously on behalf of each other.

It's okay to make mistakes. You may have to make mistakes as you build relationships with people who have different cultural backgrounds than your own, but people are generally forgiving, especially if your intentions are good. Remember, hang in there even if you feel rejected.

How do you build relationships with people who hold positions of political power?

Here are some guidelines for forming relationships with elected officials, business leaders, and heads of large organizations.

Don't be intimidated. People who hold titles or positions of political power are humans, too. They like to form relationships just like everyone else does.

Listen and withhold judgment. People with titles rarely get a chance to be listened to. They rarely get a chance to think through an issue without someone pressuring them to vote one way or another. One way to befriend such a person is to take the time to listen to them. See what you can offer them, not just in a political context but as a sympathetic human being.

How do you sustain relationships?

Okay, now you've built some relationships. Relationships, like any other living thing, need care to keep them alive and healthy. So what do you do with them to keep them going?

Pay attention to people. Check in with people when you need to. This may take only a few minutes a week, but those few minutes can make the difference in helping your friend or co-worker remember the importance of the work you are doing together.

Communicate openly. People need to communicate. It's a good idea to set aside some time just to talk about the way things are going. When people don't have a chance to talk about important issues, misunderstandings can occur and tensions often build up. Communication is a discipline that has to be practiced regularly; it's like taking vitamins or doing push-ups.

Appreciate each other. Everyone needs to be appreciated in order to keep relationships going. If you notice that someone did a stellar job of collecting the necessary data for the committee, say so. If you enjoy working with someone, let them know. We are all human beings and appreciation helps us thrive.

Extend yourself. Go a little out of your way, at least once in a while. If your co-worker needs to spend some extra time with his daughter, you might tell him go home early and you'll finish up the grant proposal.

Volunteer to do some work for their organization (if they are not already in yours). If you lend them a hand, they are likely to think well of you and give something back in return.

Challenge each other to do better. We all need a buddy to help us stretch ourselves beyond what we think we can do. We can also build stronger relationships by challenging our work partners to take on bigger challenges.

Back each other when things get tough. Loyalty is essential to keeping relationships healthy. We may not agree with a co-worker or friend, but we can stand by him or her when they are in a jam.

When relationships get messy

Many relationships get messy sooner or later and that's not necessarily a bad thing. In fact, sometimes people need a good fight or a clearing of the air in order to get a relationship back on track. A conflict doesn't mean the relationship has to come to an end. Remember: we often fight with the people we care about the most and with whom we share our greatest hopes.

Here are some ideas that might come in handy when things get hard:

Take time to listen to each other. This is not always easy. Each person should take time some time to listen without interrupting, while the other person talks.

Put yourself in the other person's shoes. Everyone in a conflict has distinctly different views of a situation. In the thick of a fight, people are usually convinced they are absolutely right. Try to see why the other person sees things the way they do. Just your attempt to do so will help the other person see that you are trying.

Look at what is true about what the other person is saying. See if you can correct the situation. If you need to apologize, go ahead. It may feel horrible, but an apology can often help a relationship get back on the right track.

Separate emotions from reality. Everyone has emotions that surface intermittently. People often say things they don't mean when they are in the middle of an emotional upset. Allow time and space for people to feel their emotions before you try to work things out.

Continue to appreciate and respect each other. Even though it may be difficult, focus on the positive aspects of the relationship. If you model appreciation, the other person will often follow.

Speak from your heart. As you try to unravel the difficulty, keep focused on what you and the other person care about most: the goals of the project, each other, the community, etc.

Don't give up your principles. Don't sacrifice what you believe in just to make a relationship work. If you give up on your principles, you won't be effective and the relationship won't work anyway.

Hang in there when things get hard. You can take some breathing room, but try not to give up on the relationship altogether. When things are the toughest, there are important lessons to be learned. It's best to keep a relationship that you've invested your time and caring into?

You can act independently to improve any relationship. Even if the other person or group of people is acting rotten, you can act in a way that is positive, respectful, constructive, and thoughtful. This may surprise people, and they may follow your lead.

Is all this easier said than done? Yes. Managing relationships may be hard, but it is not impossible. Think of yourself as an explorer, charting your course through the mysterious and murky waters of relationships. Treasure lies ahead!

Relationships with adversaries

Yes, you can even have relationships with the people who disagree with you and who may even be working against you and the goals of your organization. You can use the same guidelines listed in the "When relationships get messy" section above, with these additions:

You can disagree and still build relationships with individuals who are working against your goals. If you do so, members of the other camp will begin to see you as human rather than viewing you as the enemy. In turn you will get a picture of their humanity as well. You might try inviting someone from the "other" camp to lunch and find out what you have in common.

You can set up a dialogue group to hear why adversaries view the issues the way they do. You can hire a neutral facilitator to come in and lead a discussion about the areas of disagreement. With a skilled facilitator, people may start to understand the values and caring that others bring to their opinions, and find areas of common interest.

In Summary

Building and sustaining relationships are at the heart of organizing communities. The strength of community lies in the strength of the connections that we have with each other. With strong connections, people have the power to make real change. Building these connections takes time; but it is worth it.

Relationships are the often the source of our greatest joys and greatest challenges. Understanding relationships is no simple task. People are so unique and complex that there is no easy formula.

Central to almost every religion is the idea that we should treat our neighbors the way we would like to be treated. If you keep that in mind, you will most likely succeed in building relationships that you can depend on.

Whether you are a "leader" or a follower, you have the ability to build a community of friends, colleagues, associates, allies, partners, and buddies around you. Together, there is no telling what you can do.

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.title
Section 7. Building and Sustaining Relationships

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.description
Learn how to build relationships because the relationships you have with coworkers, the community, and your adversaries are ideal for achieving your goals. What is relationship building all about? Why do we need to build and sustain relationships? When do you build and sustain relationships? How do you build relationships?

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.readable_text
Types of Boundaries

There are 5 different types of appropriate boundaries you can set in your friendships and other relationships. Setting boundaries with friends can seem stressful at first, especially if the friendship has already lasted a long time. Still, it's often needed and a very beneficial way to nurture a healthy relationship on a deeper level.

Be sure to let your friend know that the appropriate boundaries you're setting are in an attempt to better the friendship, not weaken it. In fact, it will benefit your friendship and mental health. The 5 types of boundaries are:

Time boundaries

You may need to set some time boundaries for friends who:

Always show up late for planned events

Get angry when you tell them you're busy

Cancel at the last minute, leaving you hanging

Set boundaries for the time you have available. Let your friend know that time is precious for both of you and that you don't like wasting yours.

Material boundaries

If you have a friend who uses your things without asking first, or if they use them in a disrespectful, careless way that could or often does damage them, you need to set some firm material boundaries. You can accomplish this by simply saying something like:

"Sure, you can use my camera, but I need it back tomorrow, please."

"I'm sorry, but I can't lend you any cash right now. Is there another way I can help?"

"Sorry, but I just don't let anyone drive my truck. It's a personal thing."

"I'm sorry, but I don't share my drinks/food."

Whatever the case is, you need to represent your wishes with assertiveness. It's OK to insist that your boundaries are respected.

Physical boundaries

We're all entitled to our own bubble. If a friend is touchy-feely and you're not OK with it, you shouldn't hesitate to set a physical boundary that you're more comfortable with. It can also be about your personal space like your bedroom. To set a physical boundary, you can say:

"I'm not a hugger or toucher. Please don't take this the wrong way, but it makes me uncomfortable when you XYZ."

"This room is my personal space. Please knock before just walking in."

Any time someone invades your personal space, let them know and ask them to be aware of and change their behavior.

Emotional boundaries

If you're overwhelmed with your own emotions and life challenges, then it can be difficult to recognize a friend's emotional needs and validate their feelings. If you're unable to respond to someone else's needs at any given moment, you can say:

"Sorry, and please know I love you, but this is not a good time for me to talk."

"This is a very tough topic for me. Can we talk about something else?"

"I'm sorry you're going through a tough time, but I just can't be there for you the way you need me to be right now."

Yes, friends are supposed to "be there" for each other. However, sometimes it's not possible. And that's OK.

Intellectual boundaries

Friends need to have mutual respect for each other's ideas and thoughts without being dismissive. That said, you have every right to shut down a conversation if you realize it's heading south and ultimately won't be healthy for you or your headspace. You could say something along the lines of:

"I understand what you're saying. I just don't agree with you."

"Maybe let's just drop this conversation? We don't seem to be agreeing."

"I don't mind if you disagree with me, but please don't insult me."

Let your friends know that you're fine with having differences of opinions and that you'll continue to appreciate their uniqueness.

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.title
How to Set Healthy Boundaries With Friends - Talkspace

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.description
There are 5 different types of appropriate boundaries you can set in your friendships and other relationships. Setting boundaries with friends can seem stressful at first, especially if the friendship has already lasted a long time. Still, it's often needed and a very beneficial way to nurture a healthy relationship on a deeper level.

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.readable_text
It's the szn of love, besties! We're sipping champagne to Certified Lover Boy while we celebrate the spirit of all love that surrounds us. If you're boo'd up, this one's for you. If not, this is still for you (who knows who you'll meet tomorrow)! Even when you're involved with someone romantically, taking care of yourself should always be the priority. It may sound selfish at first, but trust us when we say it's absolutely necessary. We've said it once and we'll keep reiterating, self-care shouldn't be optional. So when you find yourself getting caught up in "we" time, we're here to help you focus more on "me" time and filling up your own cup.

Self-Love While In Love

Self-love is an everlasting journey we embark upon the moment we decide to commit to taking care of our mental, emotional, and physical health. We all show love to ourselves in different ways; one might be fulfilled with buying themselves flowers, while indulging in a good book is enough for someone else. In a time where the modern woman is constantly busy with work, family, and intimate relationships, self-love is not a practice up for compromise. The self-love journey can be challenging. Part of this can stem from the subconscious comparisons we make between ourselves and followers on social media. This is when it is important to note that we cannot equate our personal worth to achievements or financial reward that we see in our lifetime. Loving yourself is about much more than what you have gained or the projects you are working on, despite what our capitalistic society may say.

Proper self-love can be the foundation of a healthy relationship. When you make a promise to honor and respect yourself, this will then manifest in your relationships. Two people who focus on filling their individual cups, make for a more mature relationship that reflects the couple's self-esteem.

The concept of self-love is far from monolithic; it can look different for everyone, yet hold similar aspects. bell hooks considered love to be a combination of care, commitment, knowledge, responsibility, respect and trust. Are you partaking in your self-care routine consistently? Are you committed to growing in all ways? How well do you know yourself? Do you take accountability for your actions? Do you respect yourself? Do you trust your intuition? A common act of self-love you see from individuals in a relationship may consist of someone removing themself from the partnership when they no longer feel respected or are seeking more. It takes a strong sense of self to leave a situation that is no longer serving you! People who embody healthy self-love create their own happiness when they understand that there isn't anyone who can make you happier than yourself.

A Battle With Codependency

Acts of codependency can be very common in romantic relationships, many of those not even recognizing the issue. Codependency can have quite a few definitions; the Oxford Languages definition we like to refer to considers the term codependent to be "a person with an excessive emotional or psychological reliance on a partner, typically one who requires support on account of an illness or addiction." In a codependent relationship, there is usually one person who acts as the giver and another person who acts as the taker. This doesn't just apply to romantic relationships either! You may see codependency in friendships and even with familial relationships. This can be where boundaries are essential for the sanity of both parties in a relationship.

Codependency can be an instance of a lack of self-love within an individual. Constantly searching for validation from others can be a never-ending cycle of seeking fulfillment in the wrong places. It can be easy to fall into codependency, especially for couples who live together and the amplification of the pandemic. Trust us, we get how quickly one can become completely absorbed in their relationship, especially during the honeymoon phases. It may seem sweet and loving in the beginning, but there is such a thing as becoming too involved with one another. Communicating with your partner the need to have autonomy has the potential to lead to a healthier relationship. Becoming dependent on someone else can limit the individuality between the both of you. So when you find yourself becoming susceptible to codependent traits like people-pleasing, substance abuse, poor communication skills, etc., take a moment to step back and evaluate the relationship you and your partner currently have.

Ways to Self-Care

We wouldn't be your self-care BFFs if we didn't provide you with ways to pamper yourself when you need it most. You should love your partners and absolutely cherish the relationship you have cultivated amongst each other, but sometimes it's critical to recharge and take time to yourself. When you are actively practicing your self-care, you'll be able to show up in the relationship as your best self. Consider that a win-win! Here's some ways to love on yourself a little extra when you've been busy romantically.

Find a New Hobby: Hobby searching wasn't just a task for quarantine! Sometimes we may get so wrapped in the motions of our life, we forget to continue to explore new parts of ourselves. Finding a new passion to indulge in can be a great way for you to find autonomy outside of your partner.

Spending Time With Your Friends: Don't become the friend that completely abandons their friendships by becoming too consumed with your intimate relationship. Experiencing romantic love is beautiful, but friendship and sisterhood should still remain to be an integral part of your community. Your chosen circle has the potential to motivate you, as well as to provide support in different areas of your life. Don't underestimate the value of a quality friend!

Enjoy a Spa Day: A spa day can be the perfect time for you to relax, recharge, and unwind. The increase in serotonin and dopamine that a good spa visit can provide is a superb way to spend your "me" time. Take this time now to schedule your next spa appointment for your next day off. A deep tissue massage or hydrojelly facial is just the pampering you need (and deserve). And there's also a special kind of magic to an at-home-spa day. Make your own magic, boo!

Choose to take care of yourself, especially during cuffing szn. If you are blessed enough to have a partner who is like your best friend, we know this may sound difficult. Ms. Carrie Bradshaw taught us well when she said "Maybe we should see each other less and then we can miss each other more." All relationships are different, and some may even be capable of spending vast amounts of time together without conflict. But don't forget to sustain your identity and continue to plant your seeds outside of your partnership.

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.title
Maintaining Self-Care in a Romantic Relationship

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.description
By: Raeanna Thompson It's the szn of love, besties! We're sipping champagne to Certified Lover Boy while we celebrate the spirit of all love that surrounds us. If you're boo'd up, this one's for you. If not, this is still for you (who knows who you'll meet tomorrow)!

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.readable_text
We independently research, test, review, and recommend the best products. Healthcare professionals review articles for medical accuracy. Learn more about our process. If you buy something through our links, we may earn a commission.

Relationship skills and social skills are referred to as "skills" for a reason-they require learning, practice, and refinement. Limited engagement is leaving many of us feeling out of practice with these skills, and disconnection is leading to emotions filled with fear, stress, anxiety, and depression.

Relationships require knowledge of oneself in addition to knowledge of other people. With enough reflection, introspection, and focus on your own emotions, you can begin to strengthen romantic relationships, family relationships, friendships, and even work relationships. "A healthy relationship allows the ability to balance being a strong individual with deep intimacy," says psychotherapist and relationship expert Dr. Jamie Brodarick.

Here are the best relationship books on the market, according to a licensed mental health counselor.

Final Verdict

Frequently Asked Questions

What is a healthy relationship?

In a healthy relationship, each person should feel comfortable being their authentic selves while bringing out the best in the other person. It's a perfect combination of freedom and safety. Relationships take work, time, and personal growth, but dedication to a relationship can result in a deep level of connection and understanding.

What is a toxic relationship?

A toxic relationship involves installing fear in another person in order to elicit control. Full of guilt, irrational rules, and fear, toxic relationships often result in an emotional rollercoaster rather than stability and safety. Mental, physical, and emotional abuse are also common in toxic relationships-a result of one person investing more into a relationship than the other.

Is fighting healthy in a relationship?

Disagreements and heated moments are common in any relationship. While it's healthy to work out differences and misunderstandings, it's not healthy to resort to attacks on one's character, name-calling, or threats. Healthy fighting should focus on conflict resolution and finding a solution to the issue at hand.

Is jealousy healthy in a relationship?

Jealousy is a normal human emotion, occurring when one individual feels insecure. With that said, consistent jealousy is a red flag in relationships. If you're constantly jealous, it can be a sign of deep insecurities or trust issues stemming from childhood, partnership trust, or an irrational need for control. Finding the reason behind jealousy is important, and it may require therapy or assistance from a professional.

Why Trust Verywell Mind?

As a Licensed Mental Health Counselor with over 15 years of experience working with clients to improve mental and emotional health, Mary K Tatum understands the importance of finding quality resources and techniques that work for each person. Not everyone will have the same kind of healing journey, therefore, having lots of options to choose from is vitally important in creating a lifestyle that combats mental illness and promotes health and wellbeing.

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.title
The 10 Best Relationship Books of 2022, According to an Expert

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.description
We independently research, test, review, and recommend the best products. Healthcare professionals review articles for medical accuracy. Learn more about our process. If you buy something through our links, we may earn a commission. Relationship skills and social skills are referred to as "skills" for a reason-they require learning, practice, and refinement.

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.provider_name
Mental Health Program at Banyan Treatment Centers

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.readable_text
Mental health issues have traditionally been a taboo topic, but when someone who suffers from mental illness experiences pain, it is important for them to be able to talk to someone.

The problem is that many people who do not suffer from a mental illness themselves can struggle to understand what someone with a mental health disorder goes through. While they may be willing and even eager to help, they may not always know the best way how. Especially when it comes to romantic relationships, this can create a disconnect between the partner with mental illness and the partner without. If you want your relationship to last, it's important to be open if you are the partner with the mental health problem and it's equally important to understand how to help a partner with their mental health issues if you are the one without mental health issues.

Mental Illness & Relationships

Dating can be a fun and exciting experience for two people as they are getting to know each other and figuring out if they're compatible. But being in a relationship where one partner has a mental illness can be challenging for both parties.

Dating with a mental illness is difficult as the person struggles to navigate when and what to share with their partner. Opening up can be daunting as many people fear how their partner will react, but mental health should be discussed before things get serious.

If you are in a relationship with someone with a mental illness, it's important to understand your partner's mental illness as well as ways to help them through the challenging times. The more you can help your partner, the stronger your relationship can be.

How to Date Someone with a Mental Illness

Dating someone with a mental illness doesn't have to mean walking on eggshells around them. If you are worried about saying the wrong thing or hurting your partner, this is normal. Being with someone with mental health issues can be especially difficult to navigate in the beginning of the relationship when trust is still being built and you may not be familiar with their condition.

Although overwhelming at times, our mental health treatment center in Pompano is sharing some tips on how to date someone with a mental illness in order to make your relationship stronger and lasting.

Educate Yourself on Your Partner's Mental Illness

If you want your relationship to work, you should educate yourself on your partner's mental health disorder. There is a big difference between anxiety disorders and psychotic disorders. They involve different symptoms and have different triggers. The more you know, the better understanding you will have of your partner and how to help them in their time of need.

Don't Use Hurtful Labels

You should not use your partner's illness to label them as "crazy" or "unstable" as this is a common stereotype. These terms are hurtful and can quickly end your relationship.

Ask Them Questions About Their Mental Illness

Internet searches can only get you so far; a person's mental health problems are as unique as they are. While the basics might be covered online, your partner will be able to fill in the missing pieces about their mental health struggles. Being this vulnerable with someone can be a major step in the relationship so be sure not to push them too hard.

Promote Stability & Routine

Dating someone with a mental illness is more challenging at times, but if you can help your partner manage their symptoms, it can go a long way. Find ways to help your partner maintain stability with a daily routine. This type of healthy, regular schedule may help ward off anxiety attacks or feelings of depression.

Be Supportive

If you are in a relationship with someone with a mental health disorder, you need to understand that there will be ups and downs. Some days can be tough for your partner, and your patience may be tested. Try to bring positivity and support during these challenging times to help guide your partner out of a bad day.

Learn Their Symptoms

When dating someone with a mental health disorder, it is imperative that you learn their symptoms. If you can recognize when they stop taking their medication or when their symptoms take a turn for the worse, you can help them get the mental health therapy and treatment they need before their mental health spirals out of control. Also, when you know that your partner's behavior is a direct result of their mental health disorder, you can stop taking their actions personally. This will make your relationship healthier and help you help your partner when they are struggling.

Don't Try to Fix Them

Dating someone in therapy or with a mental health problem can come with the assumption that your partner is broken and needs to be fixed. It is not your responsibility to fix your partner; it is your responsibility to support them. Any "fixes" they make must come from them. If you keep viewing your partner as someone who needs fixing, then this may not be the right relationship for either of you.

Be Patient & Understanding

Mental illness is a very personal problem, and it can be difficult to tell someone you love about it. Your partner may struggle to talk to you right away. Be patient. If your partner is having trouble opening up to you face-to-face, encourage them to write a letter instead. If they struggle with opening up to anyone, encourage them to see a professional.

Get Them Help

If your loved one is experiencing intense symptoms but has yet to seek treatment, they need help. While they may be resistant to the idea, it is important to research possible treatment options so that they know what is available to them. If you are dating a girl with a mental illness like anxiety and she is resistant to the idea of taking medication, she may not know that there are other anxiety treatments available like cognitive behavioral therapy instead. By researching different options together, she could get the help she needs.

Don't Ignore Your Needs

While dating someone with a mental illness can place a heavy focus on your partner's symptoms and needs, you must not lose yourself along the way. Remember to practice self-care and establish your wants and needs with your partner. When you are able to both get the support and love you need, your relationship will be a lot stronger.

Whether your girlfriend has mental health issues that she has always struggled with or your boyfriend has a mental illness that just came to the surface, a mental health disorder does not need to mean the end of a relationship. Loving someone with a mental illness take patience, understanding, and support from both partners. Your partner's struggles with mental illness may not come up immediately, but when it does, don't let this intimidate you or scare you away from the relationship. Having an open and honest conversation will help you to not only understand their struggles but find ways you can support them as well. Two partners can make it through the difficult times that come with a mental illness if they work together.

Contact us today at 888-280-4763 to learn more about how we may be able to help you or someone you care about with a mental health problem.

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.title
Dating Someone With A Mental Illness | Banyan Mental Health

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.description
Mental health issues have traditionally been a taboo topic, but when someone who suffers from mental illness experiences pain, it is important for them to be able to talk to someone. The problem is that many people who do not suffer from a mental illness themselves can struggle to understand what someone with a mental health disorder goes through.

# data[].attributes.attachment_caption
Books for Tweens & Teens About Healthy Relationships

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.readable_text
A Mighty Girl's top picks of books about healthy relationships for tweens and teens in recognition of Teen Dating Violence Awareness Month.

Tweens and teens are entering a new world of love and romantic relationships. But when you combine the overwhelming emotions of first crushes and partners with the emotional complexity of tween and teen minds, it can be hard to figure out whether a relationship is real - and whether it's healthy. Add in media messages that glorify unhealthy behavior - how many romantic comedies involve the boy who just won't give up on the girl who said no? - and kids can find it extremely difficult to figure out what healthy romantic love really looks like.

February is Teen Dating Violence Awareness Month, which makes it the perfect time to start conversations about healthy relationships with the Mighty Girls in your life. Dating violence among teens is a big issue: according to Loveisrespect, an organization dedicated to helping teens in unhealthy and abusive relationships, one in three US teens will experience physical, sexual, or emotional abuse from a partner before they reach adulthood. But parents and educators who teach kids about what a positive, respectful relationship looks like - and how to identify an unhealthy one - can make a huge difference.

So this February, start talking to your kids about what healthy relationships look like! By sharing these stories, and talking about what makes real love so empowering and special, we can help the next generation find the loving, respectful partners they deserve.

Love can feel crazy

For a tween or teen experiencing their first crush - pounding heart, sweating hands, and elation or depression (depending on what the object of their affection just did) - love doesn't necessarily feel like a wonderful thing, but understanding the difference between the overwhelming emotions of first love and unhealthy attachment and dependency on a partner are crucial. These books acknowledge and explore the erratic feelings that come with love.

Love Can Be Complicated

Sometimes it seems like "love" and "complication" are equivalent. Even "How do I let him know I like him?" is a big problem to a tween with her first crush! Talking about some of the complications that come up can help girls realize that bumps in the road are a normal part of relationships, even healthy ones.

Love Can last Forever

After reading about all the challenges of love and relationships, Mighty Girls might be wondering if love can ever go right. But when you do find the right partner - the one who truly loves, supports, and respects you - that experience is life-altering in the best possible way.

When Love Goes Wrong

Unfortunately, no matter how many examples kids have of healthy relationships, it's still possible to end up in an unhealthy, controlling, or abusive one. If you're worried about your Mighty Girl's relationship - or your own - these resources can help.

Love may not be simple, and tweens and teens may wonder what love will be like, but the books above will help them learn that it will be a great adventure: one full of twists, turns, challenges, and triumphs. At the same time, they will learn to avoid the biggest risks and pitfalls that false love has to offer. Give them crazy, complicated, powerful love stories to read, and they will know that love is a precious part of life - one worth welcoming.

Additional Recommended Resources

To learn more about Teen Dating Violence Awareness Month, and to get resources for teens about abusive relationships, visit the Loveisrespect website.

For more books about romantic relationships, visit A Mighty Girl's section on Mighty Girls & Romantic Relationships.

For great Mighty Girl films about romance relationships, visit the Romance section in Movies.

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.title
20 Mighty Girl Books for Tweens & Teens About Healthy Relationships

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.description
A Mighty Girl's top picks of books about healthy relationships for tweens and teens in recognition of Teen Dating Violence Awareness Month. Tweens and teens are entering a new world of love and romantic relationships.

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.readable_text
Putting our best book forward

Each Great on Kindle book offers a great reading experience, at a better value than print to keep your wallet happy.

Explore your book, then jump right back to where you left off with Page Flip.

View high quality images that let you zoom in to take a closer look.

Enjoy features only possible in digital - start reading right away, carry your library with you, adjust the font, create shareable notes and highlights, and more.

Discover additional details about the events, people, and places in your book, with Wikipedia integration.

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.title
Find Your People: Building Deep Community in a Lonely World

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.description
Find Your People: Building Deep Community in a Lonely World [Allen, Jennie] on Amazon.com. *FREE* shipping on qualifying offers. Find Your People: Building Deep Community in a Lonely World

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.title
The Art of Community: Seven Principles for Belonging

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.description
The Art of Community: Seven Principles for Belonging [Vogl, Charles] on Amazon.com. *FREE* shipping on qualifying offers. The Art of Community: Seven Principles for Belonging

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.title
5 Ways to Find More Connection in Your Community

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.description
While at my Global Grubbing dinner last week, I made a comment that implied I didn't believe Americans were as kind-hearted and giving as some of our international counterparts.

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.readable_text
Community can be described in physical and emotional terms. Physically, a community can be a shared space or a group of people that share some common denominator. Emotionally, community is described as a sense of fellowship or similarity with others. Community also describes the relationship one has with their environment, both the people and places that compose it. Ultimately, there is an overarching theme of togetherness that transcends the different definitions of the word.

How to Find Your Community

We have all experienced community in one form or another. Maybe you played sports in high school, lived in the Northeast region of your city, or became a regular at a local coffee shop. There are several different approaches you can take when building a community or fostering your sense of community. You can:

Explore your interests. Becoming involved with these kinds of activities will introduce you to people who enjoy what you enjoy, making it even easier to connect with them. Some examples of these activities could be joining a book club, recreational sports team, or enrolling in pottery classes or dance lessons.

Follow your values. How do you think the world could be better? What role can you play in making those improvements? Determining your values and finding activities that align with them is a great way for you to find a community and give back to it. This could look like donating to your local Women's Shelter or volunteering at an elementary school to read with students. It could also mean working for a charity or nonprofit that is raising awareness for a cause.

Strengthen your beliefs. People often hold onto their beliefs with great conviction. Seeking activities and groups of people that demonstrate similar beliefs as you can motivate you to take further action in pursuit of a common goal or inspire you to develop personal goals as well. Some examples of belief-based activities could be joining a church or political organization.

You want to engage in, or with, activities and people that mean something to you. It only makes sense that you would enjoy and engage more with things you are passionate about. By finding activities and people that align with what is meaningful to you, you will likely find that a sense of community comes easily.

The overarching theme of togetherness that characterizes community is precisely what makes it so influential on individuals' mental health. The relationships, connections, and interactions enabled by togetherness is how people of a community are able to benefit from one another and from the group as a whole. Significant research has been done to demonstrate one key point: Humans are social beings. We are not meant to be alone in this world, and learning from one another is how the world continues to improve.

The importance of quality relationships, connections, and interactions on a person's mental well-being cannot be understated. In the field of child psychology, a 2015 study found the number one presenting problem among children attending child and adolescent mental health services to be family relationship problems. Several studies have also found that children and adolescents are significantly more likely to have higher levels of wellbeing if they demonstrate good personal and social relationships. In the field of couple psychology, researchers have found that being in a happy marriage or stable relationship is associated with lower stress and depression rates. However, single people demonstrated better mental wellbeing than people in an unhappy relationship, which again, emphasizes the importance of quality relationships and connections. Studies from Ireland and the US found that negative social interactions and relationships, especially with partners, increases the risk of depression, anxiety, and suicidal ideation. Finally, in relation to community as a whole, research has found that neighborhoods with higher levels of social cohesion experience lower rates of mental health problems than neighborhoods with lower social cohesion, independent of how rich or poor the neighborhood is.

"As a social species, we all need community. For those who already have it, it's a critical part of maintaining mental health. For those who don't, seeking out community- whether it's through an online community, neighbors, old friends, work colleagues, or even getting a therapist, it can dramatically improve someone's quality of life.

Dr. Kirsten ThompsonFounder, CEO & Psychiatrist, Remedy

Ways that a Community Impacts Mental Health

Belonging. Just like food and water, the sense of acceptance and identity with a group is considered to be a human need. A sense of belonging, for most people, is integral to the value they place on life. More than just being a member of a group, a sense of belonging is fulfilled when you are able to put your most authentic self on display and be met with the positive responses that signify you are among people that enjoy your nature. Belonging to a community can benefit your mental health because it provides a space that encourages you to be yourself and one that connects you with those who are similar to you.

Security. Similar to belonging, a sense of security is considered one of the most important human needs. A sense of security refers to a feeling of confidence and safety. The most profound aspect about a sense of security is that the confidence and safety felt is not reserved for just one environment or community. A sense of security can help people feel more confident when encountering new experiences and interacting with new people. A community gives you the opportunity to trust and depend on people, and the more comfortable you feel doing that, the more likely you are to display that in other settings.

Support. Several studies have shown that having a support system has numerous benefits on a person's overall well-being. Strong support systems have been shown to reduce anxiety and depression and improve coping mechanisms. People with strong support systems have also demonstrated stronger immune systems and lower rates of early death. Communities provide a cohort of individuals to rely on for support and who likely care about you and want to be an outlet for you. Knowing you have people who care about you to help you through difficult times can make coping much easier because you won't ever feel entirely alone.

Purpose. Especially when building a community through outlets based on values and beliefs, such as political organizations or churches, being a member of a community can help you feel a part of something larger than yourself. By extending the value you place on your life to the way you impact your environment, belonging to a community can help you develop a greater sense of purpose. Having a sense of purpose can influence your behavior, shape new goals, and give you a sense of direction for your life. It often benefits mental health because it can motivate you to deal with difficult times in a more productive manner or it may relieve some of your situational pressure since, however it works out, you maintain the reassuring presence of your purpose.

While all the above benefits of community in strengthening mental well-being are true, it may not be sufficient for keeping your mental health concerns under control. With the combined effects of the benefits listed above, another profound effect of community on mental health is that it often makes seeking mental health care easier and more approachable. A sense of belonging to a community can provide the reassurance that you will not be outcasted or made to feel incapacitated for seeking professional help. A sense of security can give you the confidence needed to try new experiences, like talking to a therapist, and the trust you've developed in people through your community may allow you to open up more in therapy. Having a support system of people who care about you and your well-being can provide reminders about the importance of your health and can provide the motivation needed to continue with mental health treatment even if it gets difficult. Finally, a sense of purpose can inspire you to think of your health and overall well-being as deeper than just yourself since you play an integral role in the lives of others.

In the same way that mental health heavily influences our quality of life, the quality of people we fill our lives with heavily influences our mental health. Being an engaged member of a community, or several, helps us give meaning to our everyday actions and experiences. It is motivating to be connected to more than just yourself, and for several, the inspiration drawn from being accountable to others can encourage us to be better. The combined presence of a sense of belonging, security, support, and purpose is ultimately the result of being with people who care about you. Communities are filled with people who care about one another, and who therefore, empower each other to care for themselves as well. Finding the right community for you might not come on the first try, but push on, because they are out there. Whether you have a community and are looking to expand, realized who you thought was your community is not healthy for you, or are just beginning to search for your people, know that there are so many others in the same predicament as you, so there is no need to feel alone at any stage of the process. Finally, keep in mind that just as finding a community will benefit your life, the members of your future community will significantly benefit from your presence in their lives.

Book an Appointment

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.title
The Effect of Community on Mental Health - Remedy Psychiatry, Inc

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.description
Community can be described in physical and emotional terms. Physically, a community can be a shared space or a group of people that share some common denominator. Emotionally, community is described as a sense of fellowship or similarity with others. Community also describes the relationship one has with their environment, both the people and places that compose it.

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.readable_text
myPlan is a free app to help with safety decisions if you, or someone you care about, is experiencing abuse in their intimate relationship. It's private, secure, personalized, & backed by research.

It's personalized for your situation

Everyone deserves to be safe in their intimate relationship, and every situation is unique. The myPlan app can help you identify, navigate, and provides resources for a range of relationship abuse concerns.

A friend or family member's relationship

College student relationships

LGBTQ relationships

Your relationship's impact on pregnancy or children

Your safety is our greatest concern

When downloading the mobile app or using the web-browser app, it will be PIN-code protected to keep your information private. Be aware that if your partner monitors your devices, having an app about relationship abuse in your device history may put you at further risk.

If you are concerned about someone discovering myPlan on your device:

Use myPlan on a device that an abusive partner does not have access to.

For mobile devices: Delete the app when you are done (but know it's not possible to delete the app from your purchase history for Apple devices).

For the browser app: Use your browser's Private/ Incognito mode

Learn more technology safety tips

A tool for advocates & providers

myPlan is a tool that survivors of intimate partner violence can use to help them make decisions about safety. Accessible through a discreet and confidential smartphone app (or web-based tool), myPlan is not meant as a replacement for your expertise--it is designed to encourage the majority of survivors who may never seek services to reach out for help.

Advocates﻿

Advocates can use myPlan with a client to help facilitate a discussion about their level of danger and their priorities when making difficult safety decisions.

Providers

Relationship violence directly affects a person's health and well-being. Providers can introduce myPlan during a survivor's health or support visit to use on their own, or can walk through it together with survivors.

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.description
myPlan is a free app to help with safety decisions if you, or someone you care about, is experiencing abuse in their intimate relationship. It's private, secure, personalized, & backed by research. It's personalized for your situation Everyone deserves to be safe in their intimate relationship, and every situation is unique.

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.title
10 Habits of Healthy Relationships - Healthy Lifestyle Tips

# data[].attributes.attachment_caption
The difference between healthy and unhealthy love - TED Talk

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.readable_text
Get a daily email featuring the latest talk, plus a quick mix of trending content.

By subscribing, you understand and agree that we will store, process and manage your personal information according to our Privacy Policy

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.title
Katie Hood: The difference between healthy and unhealthy love

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.description
In a talk about understanding and practicing the art of healthy relationships, Katie Hood reveals the five signs you might be in an unhealthy relationship -- with a romantic partner, a friend, a family member -- and shares the things you can do every day to love with respect, kindness and joy.

# data[].attributes.body
Parents: How to Help Your Teen Set Healthy Dating Boundaries

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.readable_text
Posted under . Updated 4 August 2020.

Key Facts

During your teen years, you will have many kinds of relationships, both friendships and those that are dating relationships. Most of the time, these are fun, exciting, and healthy, and they make you feel good. Sometimes, however, these relationships can be unhealthy and can be harmful either to you or other people involved. Unhealthy relationships can be risky because someone can get hurt emotionally or physically.

What is a healthy relationship?

In healthy relationships, everyone should feel good about themselves. That include you, your friend, and/or your partner. You enjoying doing activities together such as going to movies, or hanging out with other friends, and you talk to one another about your feelings (instead of texting each other all the time). These relationships can last a few weeks, a few months, or even years. Healthy relationships should be fun for both people involved.

Communication is the most important thing in relationships. It forms the basis for respect and honesty and means that you listen to each other's thoughts and opinions, and accept each other's right to say no or to change your mind. In a healthy relationship, both partners are comfortable letting the other person know how they are feeling. You might disagree or argue sometimes, but in healthy relationships you should be able to talk things out together to reach a compromise that works for you both.

Here is an example of good communication in a healthy relationship:

"If a friend or the person I'm dating gets mad if I text, call, or hang out with other people, what should I do?"

Be honest and stick to your decision. Tell your friend or partner that you like spending time with others, but that you also have friends and family that mean a lot to you that you also want to keep in touch with and hang out with. Whether you are in a close friendship or a dating relationship, it is important for both of you to stay involved with the activities and interests you enjoyed before you became close. In a healthy relationship, you both need time to keep in touch with and spend time with other friends, as well as time for yourselves. In a healthy relationship, your friend or partner will respect your choice to spend time with other friends.

Sometimes a relationship can start out as healthy and become unhealthy over time. If you have a feeling that your relationship is unhealthy because you feel afraid, or pressured to do something that you don't want to do, you are probably right!

Not all unhealthy relationships are physically abusive. For example, other types of unhealthy relationships may be verbally, emotionally, or financially abusive. Abuse can involve both people being violent or abusive toward each other, or can involve only one person doing this to the other. It's important to understand that not all abuse is physical or violent. Take a look at this list of "warning signs" and see if these statements describe your relationship:

Your friend or your partner: Is jealous or possessive of you-they get angry when you text, call, or hang out with other friends, or people of the opposite gender and/or becomes jealous of the contacts you have with other people on social networks

Tries to boss or bully you, or tries to make all the decision or tells you what to do

Tells you what or what not to wear, who you can or can't text or talk to, where you can or can't go

Is violent with other people, gets in fights a lot, loses their temper a lot

Pressures you to have sex, or to do something sexual that you don't want to do

Uses drugs and/or alcohol and tries to pressure you into doing the same thing

Swears at you, or uses mean language

Blames you for their problems, or tells you that it's your fault that they hurt you

Insults you or tries to embarrass you in front of other people

Physically hurts you

Makes you feel scared of their reactions to things, feeling like you're "walking on eggshells" and worrying that anything could set them off

Demands that you share your cellphone location with them.

Calls or texts to check up on you all the time and always wants to know where you're going and who you're with

These are just a few of the classic signs of an unhealthy or abusive relationship. Sometimes there are only one or two "warning signs," and sometimes there are many. If any of these statements are true for your relationship, you should talk to a trusted adult such as a parent, guardian, teacher, doctor, nurse, or counselor right away!

What are the different types of abuse?

Some people think that their relationship isn't abusive unless there is physical fighting, but an abusive relationship may include many other signs. There are also other types of abuse.
Below is a list of different types of abuse which can affect your friendships or dating relationships:

Physical Abuse is when a person touches your body in an unwanted or violent way. This may include hitting, slapping, punching, kicking, hair pulling, pushing, biting, choking, or using a weapon on you. The weapon could be a gun or knife, but also includes anything that can hurt you (such as a shoe or a stick).

Verbal/Emotional Abuse is when a person says something or does something that makes you afraid or feel bad about yourself. This may include: bullying, yelling, name-calling, saying mean things about your family and friends, embarrassing you on purpose, telling you what you can and can't do, or threatening to hurt you or them. Blaming you for their problems, verbally pressuring you to use drugs or alcohol, or keeping you from spending time with your friends and family are all abuse. Posting negative comments and photos about you online (without your permission), such as on Facebook or other social networking sites, is also considered emotional/mental abuse.

Sexual Abuse is any sexual contact that you do not want. You may have said no or may be unable to say no because the abuser has threatened you or prevented you from saying no. This may include forcing you to have sex, or unwanted touching or kissing.

Economic Abuse is when a person is abusive or controlling with money such as forcing you to quit your job, telling you how and what to spend your money on, or not allowing you to get a job or pursue your education.

Why are some people abusive?

There are many reasons why someone could be violent or abusive. For example, a person who has grown up in a violent family may have learned that hitting or trying to control someone by telling them what to do was the way to solve a problem (which it is not!). They may be violent because they want to control the relationship, or because they feel bad about themselves and think they will feel better if they make someone else feel worse. Others may be pressured by their friends to prove how "strong" they are. Other times, people have trouble controlling their anger. No matter what their past experiences have been or what they have gone through, it's never OK to abuse another person.

Drugs and alcohol can also play a part in abusive behavior. There are some people who lose control and act abusively after they have been drinking or taking drugs. This is no excuse! Just because someone is under the influence of drugs and/or alcohol, or has a bad temper doesn't mean that their abusive behavior is okay. No matter why a person is violent physically, verbally/emotionally, or sexually, it's important for you to know that it is not your fault! You are NOT the reason for the violence, and violence is NEVER okay!

Here are some frequently asked questions about healthy, unhealthy and abusive relationships:

Why do some people stay in unhealthy or abusive relationships?

If a relationship is so bad, then why would someone stay in it? Why don't they just stop spending time with their friend, or stop seeing the person they're dating? Sometimes it may be hard to get out of an abusive relationship. This is because violent relationships often go in cycles. After a person is violent, he or she may apologize and promise never to hurt you again, and even say that they will work on the relationship. It may be a while before that person acts violently again. These ups and downs can make it hard to leave a relationship. Sometimes people do not leave relationships because their partner has threatened them and made it clear that if they were to leave they would get hurt.

It's hard to leave someone you care about. You may be scared or ashamed to admit that you are in an abusive relationship, or you may be simply scared to be alone. You may be afraid that no one will believe you, or that your friend or partner will hurt you more if you tell someone. Whatever the reasons, leaving an unhealthy relationship is hard but something you must do to take care of yourself. You will likely need help to do it.

Why should I leave an abusive relationship?

Abusive relationships are very unhealthy for you. You might have trouble sleeping, or have headaches or stomach aches. You might feel depressed, sad, anxious, or nervous. You may have difficulty focusing during school or when you're with your friends. You may also blame yourself, feel guilty, and have trouble trusting other people in your life. You may feel nervous most of the time, worrying that something may set your friend or partner off. Staying in an abusive relationship can hurt your self-confidence and make it hard for you to believe in yourself. If you are being physically abused, you can be the victim of injuries that could cause permanent damage. You should definitely leave the relationship if you are getting hurt, if you have bruises or pain, or if you are being threatened with physical harm in any way.

Remember that the most important reason to leave an unhealthy relationship is because you deserve to be in a relationship that is healthy and fun. You deserve to feel good about yourself.

How do I get out of an unhealthy or abusive relationship?

First, if you think that you are in an unhealthy relationship, you should talk to a trusted adult. Tell them why you think the relationship is unhealthy and exactly what the other person has done (hit you, pressured you to have sex, tried to control you). You may want to look back at the list of "warning signs" to help you to explain the situation. If necessary, this trusted person can help you contact your parent(s)/guardian(s), counselors, school security, or even the police. With help, you can get out of an unhealthy relationship. Sometimes leaving an abusive relationship can be dangerous, so it's very important for you to make a safety plan.
Here are some tips on making your safety plan:

Tell a trusted adult such as a parent/guardian, counselor, health care provider, teacher, or spiritual leader.

Tell the person who is abusing you that you do not want to see him or her, or break up with this person over the phone so they cannot touch you. Do this when your parent(s) or guardian(s) are at home so you know you will be safe in your house.

Go to your health care provider or hospital for treatment if you have been injured.

Keep track of any violence. A diary, journal, or mobile app are good ways to keep track of the date the violence happened, where you were, exactly what the person did, and exactly what effects it caused (for example - bruises). This will be important if you need the police to issue a restraining order.

Change your passwords frequently.

Update your privacy settings for all social networking sites and block the person and/or deactivate your account for a while.

Avoid contact with the person.

Spend time with your other friends. Walk with them and not by yourself.

Think of safe places to go in case of an emergency, such as a police station, or even a public place such as a restaurant or mall.

Carry a cell phone, phone card, or money for a call in case you need to call for help. You should decide on the code words to use with your family so that they will know that you can't talk easily and you need help.

Call 911 right away if you're ever afraid that someone is following you or is going to hurt you.

Keep domestic violence hotline numbers in your wallet or another secure place, or store them in your cell phone. You can also text many domestic hotlines if you are unable to speak over the phone.

What should I do if a friend tells me that he or she is in an abusive relationship?

If your friend tells you that they are in an abusive relationship, listen very carefully. It's important that you listen without judging or blaming. Tell your friend that you believe what they are saying, and that you know that it is not their fault. Let them know that you are always there when they want to talk. Remind them of all their friends and family who care about them and want them to be safe. Let them know that you are worried about their safety, and that you want to help them tell a trusted adult right away. In fact, you can offer to go with them. Give them information on how to make a safety plan and phone numbers of counselors and domestic violence hotlines. You may even want to suggest that your friend take a self-defense class. Be sure not to take this on alone. Talk with a trusted adult about how to help your friend.

Should I have my friend talk to their parent(s)/guardian(s) or another adult?

Yes. The most important thing that you can do for your friend is to encourage them to talk to a trusted adult right away. This could be a parent, guardian, aunt, coach, teacher, school counselor, health care provider, or spiritual leader. Tell your friend that you will go with them to talk about their abusive relationship. Explain to them that talking to a trusted adult can help them get the assistance they need to get out of the unhealthy relationship.
If your friend is nervous about telling an adult, here are some things you could remind them of:

An adult will listen and give advice on how to handle the situation.

An adult can help protect them if they feel that they are in danger.

An adult can help contact the right people, such as the police, the school principal, or a counselor.

What if my friend won't listen to me and wants to keep the abuse a secret?

If you encourage your friend to talk to a trusted adult about the abuse, but they won't, you should tell an adult. It's too much for you to handle alone. Even though you want to keep your promise and not share your friend's secret, it is VERY IMPORTANT for you to tell a trusted adult especially if you're afraid that your friend could get hurt. Your friend will need help even if they say that they can handle it alone.

Don't tell your friend to choose between you and the person they are dating. This could make your friend feel that they can't talk to you if they decide to stay in the relationship. Telling a trusted adult about your concerns is the right thing to do, but don't spread your friend's secrets to other mutual friends. Let them be the one to tell other trusted friends.

What else do I need to know?

9.4% of teens experience physical violence in their relationships. Even if you haven't experienced physical, sexual, or verbal/emotional abuse, one of your friends may be in an unhealthy relationship with a friend or dating partner. If either you or your friend is in an unhealthy relationship, it's important that you get help right away before someone gets hurt! Relationships are an important part of life and are supposed to be fun and special.

Who can I call for help?

There are hotlines that you can call 24 hours a day to get help and advice on how to leave an unhealthy relationship. There may be some local resources in your community (including battered women's shelters) or through your church, temple (or other place of worship), school, or health care providers office that you can call.

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.description
During your teen years, you will have many kinds of relationships, both friendships and those that are dating relationships. Most of the time, these are fun, exciting, and healthy, and they make you feel good. Sometimes, however, these relationships can be unhealthy and can be harmful either to you or other people involved.

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.readable_text
If you're looking to identify signs of healthy vs unhealthy relationships or if you simply want to see your own relationships more clearly, you're in the right place.

In this blog, I'm going to share 10 signs that indicate healthy vs unhealthy relationships.

While it can be daunting-even a bit scary-to honestly reflect and examine your own relationships, it's an essential skill to achieving balance and fulfillment in this area of your life.

Humans are social creatures, built for connection, and none of us exists in complete isolation. Even the most introverted among us (I'm raising my hand here!) need connection.

I created this list with intimate/romantic relationships in mind, however, these signs still apply to other kinds of relationships as well, including friends, family, professional, and so on.

In addition, this is not an exhaustive or definitive list, obviously-there are many other signs of healthy vs unhealthy relationships. However, here I list some of the most common and noticeable signs as a good starting point for reflection.

For each sign of healthy relationships below, I also include the corresponding sign of what often happens in unhealthy relationships.

Healthy vs Unhealthy Relationships

Healthy relationships...

1. Compliment

Partners in healthy relationships share compliments of each other freely and often. Whether complimenting appearance, an achievement at work, or a partner's talents - genuine compliments help foster connection.

Unhealthy relationships criticize. Frequent criticism, especially when not balanced out by compliments, tends to cause hurt and can damage connection over time.

2. Forgive

Forgiveness requires a decision to forgive AND the genuine process of forgiveness itself, which can be difficult at times and takes intention and inner work. But true forgiveness (not just going through the motions, or paying lip service) is a hallmark of healthy relationships. It allows healthy couples to move forward and strengthen trust, rather than linger on past hurts.

Unhealthy relationships hold grudges. Relationships become stuck in negative cycles when one or both people insist on bring up accusations from the past over and over again, and hold onto hurt by rehashing the past and using it as ammunition against the other partner.

3. Appreciate

Similar to offering compliments, couples in healthy relationships actively look for and focus on things to appreciate about their partner and express appreciation often.

Unhealthy relationships resent. Resentmentcan be toxic and corrosive to the long-term health of relationships. It causes emotional wounds to become "infected" and linger much longer than needed. Over time, resentments build when they're not addressed, and eventually this leads unhealthy couples to their breaking points. The work to repair the relationship at that point is therefore much more difficult.

4. Respect

Respect takes many forms, and is demonstrated in many ways. For example, healthy partners respect each other's feelings, desires, time, other friendships & connections, autonomy, and so much more. Even when there is disagreement on these things, there is respectful communication about it.

Unhealthy relationships show disrespect. There are just as many ways to show disrespect. Often this is failing to address an issue that one partner has expressed is important, repeatedly engaging in behaviors that damage the relationship or hurt the other person, or even outright verbal disrespect in the way things are communicated (or not communicated).

5. Compromise

Healthy relationships always require give-and-take. Likewise, this requires active participation and communication from both partners to work through the compromises and balance things out, so that one partner doesn't feel unfairly discounted or taken advantage of.

Unhealthy relationships make Stubbornness and rigidity are hallmarks of unhealthy relationships. People reach impasses in their relationships when one or both people make unrelenting demands and refuse to budge. (In cases of addiction or abuse, there are times when a demand may be appropriate. But these are usually in crisis situations when the relationship has become extremely unhealthy in some other way).

6. Encourage

Partners in healthy relationships express positivity and encouragement to their partners. They would never dream of saying something that would discourage their partner from a worthy goal, and likewise, express affirming words to help their partner's persistence and confidence when needed.

Unhealthy relationships insult. Insults can be incredibly toxic to relationships, even when made sarcastically or in jest. Yet sadly, I see this all the time in people that feel insulted, hurt, and put down by their partner. This can start a vicious cycle where people try to get back at each other, and few things will destroy a relationship faster than that.

7. Trust

Similar to many signs of healthy relationships, trust requires active participation and work from both people, and is demonstrated & communicated in many ways. Trust must be built, maintained, and practice. And when trust has been damaged before, it requires a choice to practice trust again for the sake of strengthening the relationship.

Unhealthy relationships distrust. Often, people will refuse to trust their partner, or worse yet, accuse the partner before any crime has even been committed. This of course leads to further distrust, and becomes a very unhealthy cycle.

8. Support

Partners in healthy relationships support each other, plain and simple. They help lift each other up when life is difficult. Each person wants what is best for their partner, and encourage their partner's efforts toward success and being the best person they can be. They want their partner to be happy and healthy. The couple work as a team and try to pull in the same direction. When one falls down, the other steps up, and there is a give and take with this too, as each person will need support at different times.

Unhealthy relationships compete. Similar to many signs of unhealthy relationships, competition can erode the relationship over time and cause unnecessary conflict. Competition often comes into play when one or both people in the relationship struggle with personal insecurity. Unfortunately though, competition tends to pull couples apart rather than closer together.

9. Communicate

Communication is at the crux of any relationship. So often, the problems people experience in relationships stem from communication breakdowns. But honesty and openness in communication are essential to a healthy relationship. Healthy partners talk about things, even when they're difficult.

Unhealthy relationships hold secrets. Most people tend to avoid things that are uncomfortable, including potential conflict or sharing vulnerabilities. However, keeping things hidden in relationships can lead to all manner of problems including frustrations, hurt, resentment, lack of trust, and so on.

10. Validate

In healthy relationships, people learn how to handle conflict productively. The ability to validate the other person's feelings or viewpoint-even when you don't agree-is another key skill that healthy couples practice often. Acknowledging and validating what the other person is expressing can literally make the difference between a productive conversation and an argument.

Unhealthy relationships blame. The "blame game" is one of the unhealthiest behaviors of all in relationships. When blaming starts, people shut down and become defensive, and nothing gets accomplished.

Here's an info-graphic I created to help lay out the signs above.

As I mentioned before, this is not a completely exhaustive list. These are just some of the most common signs of healthy vs unhealthy relationships. So, what would you add to this list?
Please feel free to comment below!
Enjoy this blog? Please share the love and share it with someone you care about, or someone who you think could benefit.

In addition, if you recognize signs of an unhealthy relationship in your life and want to take your insight deeper, I recommend you check out my blog series on self-worth. Often, when people stay in unhealthy relationships long past the expiration date, or despite seeing warning signs of an unhealthy relationship, it can stem from deeply held beliefs related to self-worth and what one "deserves." These blogs will help you identify and take action steps to correct negative beliefs and build genuine self-worth, which will help you make healthier choices in every area of your life.

Thanks for reading and sharing, and as always - Be Well!

Tad

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.title
10 Signs of Healthy vs Unhealthy Relationships - Tad Lusk - Blog

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.description
If you're looking to identify signs of healthy vs unhealthy relationships or if you simply want to see your own relationships more clearly, you're in the right place. In this blog, I'm going to share 10 signs that indicate healthy vs unhealthy relationships.

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.description
We're so glad you found us! PFLAG is the nation's largest organization dedicated to supporting, educating, and advocating for LGBTQ+ people and those who love them.

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.title
TrevorSpace - Community for LGBTQ young people

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.description
An affirming international community for LGBTQ young people ages 13-24.

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.readable_text
Bright Futures recognizes that a community contributes to the health and well-being of families who live there. Communities are more than just the people in your neighborhood. They include health and social services, schools, local government, and other resources. These services affect the quality of life for all who live there.

People: How "connected" are you to others in your community? You canhelp ensure the health and well-being of your family by building relationships with neighbors, health providers, teachers, coaches, town officials, and others. When you are active in your community, you are more aware of available resources - before you need them. And, you will be able to offer support to others. Who can you count on for support? Who can count on you?

Resources: Does your community provide the resources your family needs? Is there easy access to medical care? Are there schools, libraries and safe places to play? Are there community activities for children and teens? Do you know where to buy healthy, affordable food? Are there buses, subways or trains so you can get places you need to go?

Quality of Life: Does your community feel safe? Are residents and town officials aware of problems? Do people work together to find solutions? Are there fun, safe activities that support healthy lifestyles? These might be outdoor concerts in a park, accessible walking trails for individuals with disabilities, volunteer transportation for those needing rides, and job fairs to help the unemployed. This helps create a sense of community and helps make life better for everyone.

Child and Family

You are the most important resource for your children. But, at times, all families can benefit from outside help. That help may come from a resource or service in your community. What supports do you need to be a good parent or family member? Some communities can help you identify child care. Many schools offer parenting workshops. You might need food assistance or housing. Immigrant families might want help learning the language. Families raising children with special health needs might need support groups. Some communities offer free mental health screenings, legal counseling or other services.

Ages and Stages

Infancy: Family and other caregivers provide the most support to growing infants. In turn, families and caregivers need support, resources and information to guide them in their roles. For many families, having good, affordable childcare is very important.

Early Childhood: Help young children learn about their community - the people, places, and resources that are part of daily life. Find out about childcare and early education programs. Visit the library. Explore the parks and playgrounds. These are great places for social and recreational activities for children, as well as opportunities for parents to meet and share with other parents.

Middle Childhood: Five to ten year olds are usually ready to participate in activities outside of their families. They may want to ride bikes or play with friends at other community locations. Are there bike trails and safe places for children to play?

Adolescence: School and spending time with friends are still priorities, but your teen's interests may be changing. Some may want to get part-time jobs. Others will be learning to drive. Work with your community to meet teens' needs. Provide space for them to hang out. Create volunteer opportunities that support healthy lifestyles. Make sure they have access to mental health resources and supports.

Special Health Needs: Many organizations provide information, resources, referrals and support to families raising children and youth with special health needs. A Family-to-Family Health Information Center in your state may be able to help you.

What Can Families Do to Promote Community Relationships & Resources?

As you identify your family's needs and strengths, think about what you can contribute to the health and wellbeing of your community. Your family and others benefit when you work to improve the resources in your community.

Identify resources you need and work to find them.

Work with others to improve the resources available to your family and others. If you have a need, ask for help. Bringing attention to an issue helps your family, and may help others too.

Help young children learn about community. Say hello to the mail carrier, smile at the librarians, talk to the grocery store clerk, and wave to the lady next door.

Look for ways to involve children in the community. Young children might help clean up a park. Older children might join a community sports team. Teens may be interested in working for a political candidate, trying out for a community drama production, volunteering at the local Y, or helping with a community fundraiser.

Talk to your health care provider about resources you need. Share resources you know about that can help others. For example, if you've found a new support group or funds to help pay for childcare, low interest loans, or equipment swaps or exchanges to help families save money, others will benefit, too.

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.title
FV IMPACT :: Community Relationships and Resources

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.description
Bright Futures recognizes that a community contributes to the health and well-being of families who live there. Communities are more than just the people in your neighborhood. They include health and social services, schools, local government, and other resources. These services affect the quality of life for all who live there.

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.readable_text
Inclusive Children's Books

One of the great things about books is watching kids connect the dots between what they read and what they experience. Embracing diversity and inclusion and acceptance is really important for young kids.

.And, books can help them get there. By reading a book about inclusion, the concept won't be new to them when they go off to school. Reading diversity books to your toddler is great, but we should continue it even when they can read themselves.

My kids love books. Kevin is prone to making a huge mess of books. I keep all of their books in one toy chest in their room. He loves to look at each of them, one at a time.

And, he never puts them back. This morning, I was cleaning them up and I came across Mikayla's Voice book. I haven't looked at it in a while.

I had the pleasure of spending the day with Mikayla and her mom on a lobbying trip to Harrisburg a few years ago. They gave Kevin the book then, which was really nice of them. Anyway, I was thinking about what a nice book it is.

And how we really should have more books children's books about inclusion in our home library.

So, you know what I did-I asked my teacher friends, others who work in the disability community, self advocates and more.

(Update: Unfortunately Mikayla passed away in 2019. My thoughts are with her family and all that they did for inclusion.)

Children's Books about Inclusion

Books about Diversity and Inclusion

Before you leave, you may want to check out what is trending on Amazon right now, in this book category.

When you purchase items from Amazon from this site, I receive a small percentage at no additional cost to you. Thank you for supporting A Day in our Shoes.

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.description
A list of children's books about inclusion, from teachers and parents. Add these inclusive children's books to your home library.

# data[].attributes.body
What is a Welcome and Inclusive Community? - Toolkit

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.title
Diversity and Inclusion: Lessons In Friendship and Love | Maryam Elassar | TEDxAmanaAcademy

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.description
Healthy relationships for young adults can be confusing. Love is more than just the way you feel, and we’re here to help.

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.readable_text
We are the National Voice for Diversity

The National Diversity Council is the first non-profit organization to bring together the private, public and non-profit sectors to discuss the many dimensions and benefits of a multicultural environment. The success of the Texas Diversity Council (established in 2004) served as a catalyst for the National Diversity Council, launched in the fall of 2008. The National Diversity Council is a forerunner of community based, national organizations that champion diversity and inclusion across the country. It is currently made up of state and regional councils, the National Women's Council and the Healthcare Diversity Council.

By submitting this form, you are granting: National Diversity Council, 1301 Regents Park Dr Suite 210 , Houston, TX 77058, permission to email you. You may unsubscribe via the link found at the bottom of every email. (See our Email Privacy Policy (http://constantcontact.com/legal/privacy-statement) for details.) Emails are serviced by Constant Contact.

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.description
We are the National Voice for Diversity The National Diversity Council is the first non-profit organization to bring together the private, public and non-profit sectors to discuss the many dimensions and benefits of a multicultural environment. The success of the Texas Diversity Council (established in 2004) served as a catalyst for the National Diversity Council, launched in the fall of 2008.

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.readable_text
Amazon Publishing.
Samantha prefers to avoid conflict. The blisteringly honest Holly craves it. But these old college roommates haven't spoken in ages. Then their mutual friend Katie is hospitalized and needs an errand. It's simple: travel cross-country together, steal Katie's loathsome ex-husband's VW camper, find her diabetic Great Pyrenees at a Utah rescue, and drive him back home to Wisconsin. If it'll make Katie happy, no favor is too big (one hundred pounds), too daunting (two thousand miles), or too illegal (ish). Now on the open road, Samantha and Holly will try to repair their friendship, no matter what it takes.

Big Friendship: How We Keep Each Other Close by Aminatou Sow and Ann Friedman

Consider this book, a tie-in to the Call Your Girlfriend podcast, a case study in how to put friendships on an equal footing with the other relationships considered more important by society at large. We've all heard the truism that "relationships take work." But have you ever considered what that work looks like when it comes to fighting for a friendship? This book will urge you to deeply consider this and other friendship questions.

Serena Singh Flips the Script by Sonya Lalli

I've long said I was interested in books about friendship that use the storytelling beats typically seen in romance novels. Well, here's such a book! Serena Singh is trying to prove to her family that her version of happiness does not match theirs, and that that's okay. A new friendship with a co-worker is one of the relationships that helps her achieve her desired state of self-reliance, a state that paradoxically includes letting people in.

Homie by Danez Smith

This book of poems is about the lifeline friendship can be in a world rife with suffering, and about what happens when that line is severed by death. At the same time, the book captures the value of friends who have less gravitational pull but still add color to our lives. There's warmth and humor amid the grief and pain, giving a rounded and exquisitely crafted meditation on friendship.

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.title
9 of the Best Books About Friendship for Adults | Book Riot

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.description
Amazon Publishing. Samantha prefers to avoid conflict. The blisteringly honest Holly craves it. But these old college roommates haven't spoken in ages. Then their mutual friend Katie is hospitalized and needs an errand. It's simple: travel cross-country together, steal Katie's loathsome ex-husband's VW camper, find her diabetic Great Pyrenees at a Utah rescue, and drive him back home to Wisconsin.

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.readable_text
Inside: We love children's *This post contains affiliate links. books about friendship - stories that celebrate the joy, drama and love between pals! Here are some of our very favorite friendship books! Kindred spirits.
The Ultimate List of Children's Books About Friendship!
I hope my boys have friends like this.
"Kindred spirits are not so scarce as I used to think. It's splendid to find out there are so many of them in the world." -L.M. Montgomery, Anne of Green Gables

I am lucky to have had a group of best friends at my side for more than twenty years. Even luckier? At forty years old, I have one cherished friend who has been an important part of my life since we were just 2 years old, toddlers with pigtails and sippy cups and Snoopy stuffies, a friend I met at the same school where I work now. That's thirty-eight years of friendship - thirty-eight years of sharing hopes and secrets and fears, supporting each other when it's felt like our legs would give out from under us, cheering each other on when we needed a boost, and lending a shoulder when the tears wouldn't stop.

I want my kids to be successful, no doubt. I want them to be smart, confident, and creative. But more important to me than anything? I want my boys to be good friends and to have good friends - friends who are kind, trustworthy, and are always willing to lend a hand when their pals are in need. I want them to have friends who will be in their lives for the next thirty-eight years.

The Importance of Childhood Friendships to Healthy Development

There can be no underestimating the importance of childhood friendships. In our youngest kids, friendships help children develop vital social and emotional skills. As kids grow, friendships teach children age-appropriate behaviors, how to be sensitive and empathetic to others' needs, how to cooperate and negotiate, and even something that seems simple, but takes significant practice - how to converse with others.

When it comes to education, children that feel valued and appreciated often perform better in class. And what is one significant indicator that a child will feel appreciated in the classroom? Having good buddies in class with him. It has been found that children who are in the same classroom as kids with whom they have close friendships often have better attitudes about school and learning.

Even imaginary friends have proven beneficial to little ones by helping children view the world through the eyes of their most trusted "confidante." This ability to see life through another being's perspective is tremendously important when it comes to cultivating empathy in our children.

So what's the point?

RELATED: We've got all of the best children's books for you on Happily Ever Elephants, so make sure to check 'em out!

As parents and educators who recognize how important friendships are to our kids' healthy social and emotional development, we must do all we can to nurture and encourage such relationships. We must provide children with authentic, inspiring examples of positive and fulfilling friendships, including all the ins and outs and ups and downs of what it means to be a friend.

One tried and true way to do this, short of modeling these relationships yourself? Use books, of course!

Children's Books About Friendship are Perfect to Teach Kids About Healthy Relationships!

Stories that showcase how to be a good friend are worth their weight in gold. Through picture books, our children learn how to navigate social challenges, listen when a friend needs help, and maintain an inclusive and accepting attitude towards not just their peers, but all people everywhere. Most importantly, stories provide a window through which kids see how generous actions and small acts of kindness can brighten a day, and - sometimes - change a life, too.

A good picture book imparts insight, of course, but it also gives children something to sink their teeth into, something to call upon when they find themselves in similar situations to those found in beloved books, tackling similar challenges or experiencing similar joys.

Children's Books About Friendship Help Cultivate Kindness in Our Kids

Our children are our future, so we should start investing in them now, when it truly counts. Wouldn't it be wonderful if we all worked towards a common goal of instilling kindness in our kids, if we teach them the importance of being good friends to those in their classrooms and communities?

There are so many fabulous children's books about friendship that can help all of us make this dream a reality.

Without further ado, here are some of our very favorite friendship books that can be read to both preschoolers and "big kids" alike - and you may be surprised at how much they resonate with you, the adult, too. Here are some of Happily Ever Elephant's very favorite stories.

Happy reading!

Children's Books About Friendships, New and Old

My Best Friend, by Julie Fogliano and illustrated by Jillian Tamaki: This may be the most precious, authentic children's book ever. We are so in love with this delightful story that celebrates new friendships - those times you meet someone and instantly "click," knowing it's the beginning of a long, joyful relationship. Whether laughing at each other when playing make believe, drawing each other encircled by hearts, or continuing to love one another even though your favorite ice creams are different, this book, with its vintage feel and glorious illustrations, is simply magical. Tender, emotional, and written in pitch-perfect kid-speak, this one is a must for every bookshelf. Support independent bookstores and get the book on Bookshop.org right here!

Bikes for Sale, by Carter Higgins and illustrated by Zachariah OHora: Maurice and Lotta both ride their bikes every day: Maurice, to sell lemonade and Lotta, to collect sticks. They both keep to their own circles and routines, and they never cross paths. Until, that is, the day that a downed branch and a runaway lemon peel cause their worlds to collide- at the bike shop, no less! Soon Maurice and Lotta are riding together, and the coincidence that led them to one another created a friendship they were meant to have all along. We love the way this story showcases how chance encounters create lasting friendships! For our full review, of Bikes for Sale, click here! Support independent bookstores and get the book on Bookshop.org right here!

A Friend for Henry, by Jenn Bailey and illustrated by Mika Song: We fell in love with this book right from the start for the way it immediately helps kids build compassion for Henry as he searches for a friend in Classroom Six. But Henry is on the autism spectrum, and when his day becomes too close and too loud, Henry wonders if he will ever find a friend who will listen and share and like things to stay in just the right order like he does. There are few children's books about friendship featuring neurodiverse characters, but this one is fabulous. Sensitive, authentic, and compassionate, we simply adore this story about a literal child who eventually finds what he desires most - a new friend. This is one of many phenomenal stories on our list of books for autistic children and neurodiverse kids. Support independent bookstores and get the book on Bookshop.org right here!

Geraldine, by Elizabeth Lilly: Geraldine does not want to move! Especially to a new town where she is bound to be the only giraffe. Not when everyone in school will call her That Giraffe Girl. Eventually, though, Geraldine meets Cassie, another girl who skirts the crowd and is somewhat of a loner at school, and the two discover that there's nothing better than standing out and being yourself - and having one true friend who helps you fit in just perfectly. We love these two and their willingness to play by their own rules! Support independent bookstores and get the book on Bookshop.org right here!

On the Night of the Shooting Star, by Amy Hest and illustrated by Jenni Desmond : Everyone struggles with feelings of loneliness, and everyone has looked across a fence - or a classroom or a quad or a playground - and felt a pang of sadness when they realize there is someone on the other side they would love to connect with. Reaching out isn't easy, though. In fact, it can be downright hard. But the rewards? Tremendous. Use this book to remind little ones that these feelings of solitude are universal- but we can't overcome them until we make an effort and get just a little out of our comfort zone and do our best to make new friends! For our full review of On the Night of the Shooting Star, click here! Support independent bookstores and get the book on Bookshop.org right here!

Shy, by Deborah Freedman : Shy remains unseen in the gutter of the book, too nervous to confront his fear of having to interact with others. Shy loves birds, though, but has only ever read about them. One day, Shy hears and sees a beautiful bird flying near him, but he is too nervous to leave his home and say hello. Will he eventually find the courage to leave? And if he does venture out of his home, will he show us his face or try to stay hidden among other animals he meets along the way? This gorgeous, gentle book experiments with form, art and prose in a manner so fresh and unique, it makes you feel as if you are discovering a book for the very first time. An all time fave and the perfect story for kids who are nervous about making new friends! Support independent bookstores and get the book on Bookshop.org right here! For our full review of Shy, click here!

Big Friends, by Linda Sarah and illustrated by Benji Davies: Birt and Etho are best buds, using their big imaginations every time they play. But what happens when a new boy comes along and their two turns into three? Three is such a tough number for little kids - I see it first hand with my own boys on a regular basis. But I love how this story reminds kids that there is always room for one more - and making a new friend in no way means you forget the old. This is one of those children's books about friendship that is not on fun and well written, but it teaches an incredibly valuable lesson in a pure and authentic manner! Support independent bookstores and get the book on Bookshop.org right here!

Sadie and The Silver Shoes, by Jane Godwin and illustrated by Anna Walker: Sadie is tired of only getting hand me down clothes from her brothers, so when she is allowed to pick out a new pair of shoes one day, she is thrilled. She picks a pair of sparkly silver ones, the most beautiful shoes ever, and she can't get enough of them. But then one day as she hops in a creek with her brothers, one of the shoes falls off and disappears. What will Sadie do with only one shoe? Even more importantly, what will she do if she finds it, and its been taken care of all this time by another little girl? Support independent bookstores and get the book on Bookshop.org right here!

The Magic Boat, by Kit Pearson, Katherine Farris and illustrated by Gabrielle Grimard: Ellie goes to the beach every day during the summer, but she usually keeps to herself and watches all of the other kids. One day, Ellie musters up all of her courage and asks an older girl named Piper if she wants to play, because Piper, too, is playing alone. What follows is a wondrous and exciting friendship, as Piper's imagination takes the girls on the grandest of adventures! Support independent bookstores and get the book on Bookshop.org right here!

The Other Side, by Jacqueline Woodson and illustrated by E.B.Lewis: Clover, an African-American child, lives alongside a fence that segregates her town, and she is given strict instructions by her mother that she must never climb over. So what happens when she notices a white child on the other side of the fence, and that child notices Clover, too? The two strike up an unlikely, tentative friendship, and though both are told not to cross the fence, they decide to sit on top of it instead. Though once an angry barrier, the fence that was supposed to divide this pair instead becomes a peaceful place for the new pals to form a connection, inspiring other neighborhood kids to join them. This is one of the most exquisite children's books about friendship! Support independent bookstores and get the book on Bookshop.org right here!

The Name Jar, by Yangsook Choi: In this beautiful multicultural picture book, Unhei moves from Korea and decides not to use her given name and will adopt an American one instead. Why? It's just too different and way too hard to pronounce. Her new friends throw names in a jar to help Unhei decide, but as she tries on American names like Suzy or Laura to see if they will be a good fit, a new friend helps her remember why her name is meaningful, perfect, and the best choice of all. Sometimes friends - even our newest ones - are just what we need to help us be true to ourselves. Support independent bookstores and get the book on Bookshop.org right here!

Children's Books About Friendship: Accepting Differences

Sparky, by Jenny Offill and illustrated by Chris Appelhans: A little girl wants nothing more than a pet, but mom isn't so thrilled. What animal complies with her mother's stringent requirements? A sloth, of course! The girl is thrilled when Sparky arrives in the mail, but she soon comes to realize that having a sloth is quite different than anticipated. She tries to turn the sloth into a circus show but quickly realizes you can't impose your will and desires on others. This book wonderfully imparts to kids that the best part of friendship comes when you can truly recognize who is sitting beside you and you can embrace that special someone for everything they are - and are not. For our full review of Sparky, click here! Support independent bookstores and get the book on Bookshop.org right here!

My Two Blankets, by Irena Kobald and illustrated by Freya Blackwood: In this gorgeous story, a girl called Cartwheel moves to a new country with her auntie, and in her new surroundings, everything is strange. Only a metaphorical blanket brings her comfort, until the day that she meets a new girl and the two embark on a friendship that begins with a smile. This story not only sheds a much-needed light on the refugee experience, but it reminds us that fear of "others" can dissipate so quickly by simply opening our hearts and minds. It can start with a smile, or even just a simple hello. For our full review of My Two Blankets, click here ! Support independent bookstores and get the book on Bookshop.org right here!

When Charley Met Emma, by Amy Webb and illustrated by Merrilee Liddiard: Charley heads to the playground and there he meets Emma, a girl in a wheelchair with limb differences. At first, he doesn't know how to respond to Emma and her physical differences. But after they begin to talk, he realizes that different isn't bad. Instead, different is simply different - and celebrating our differences is pretty great. We love the way this book illuminates kindness and highlights our commonalities, even in the face of things kids initially see as being foreign. Support independent bookstores and get the book on Bookshop.org right here!

Children's Books About Friendship: Favorite Animal Friendships

My Friend is Sad, by Mo Willems: Each book in the Elephant and Piggie series is just fantastic, and we especially love how this one shows Piggie doing everything he can to cheer up his friend Gerald... but in disguise. What does Gerald truly need when he feels blue? Even though Piggie's antics were pretty perfect, all Gerald wanted was his best friend's company so the two could share the laughs together. So sweet, and so humorous! I especially love how this book distills a more complicated concept into bite size chunks even toddlers can understand. Support independent bookstores and get the book on Bookshop.org right here!

The Lion and the Bird, by Marianne Dubuc: When a lion finds a wounded bird in his garden, the lion gently takes him in and cares for him because the bird's flock has flown away. The two animals become fast friends, so when the bird departs with his flock the following autumn, the lion is heartbroken. This is such a tender portrayal of friendship and loyalty, with stunning illustrations to boot. The combination of simple text and exquisite pictures make this story sing. This is one of those perfect children's books about friendship that resonates deeply with kids and adults alike. Support independent bookstores and get the book on Bookshop.org right here!

Bear Came Along, by Richard T. Morris and illustrated by LeUyen Pham: Oh, how we adore this new book about friendship and community, and the ways in which working together and caring for those around you betters everyone! A big bear happens along a river, not realizing adventures are so much better with friends. Along the way he meets Froggy, Beaver, and Duck, as well as the Raccoons and the Turtles. The animals had no idea they needed each other, until the river forces them together, that is. We love the way this book shows that making friends can be easy - and we can always find ways to help another! Support independent bookstores and get the book on Bookshop.org right here!

Duck & Goose, by Tad Hills: Two young birds come across a polka dot ball, and they immediately mistake it for an egg. They both lay claim to it, and then of course they fight to take care of it. In the end, the birds end up climbing on top of their "egg" and eventually bond over a bigger purpose- how to care for the bird baby inside that they believe will arrive any day. When a bluebird lets them know that the egg isn't actually an egg at all but a ball instead, it is clear that duck and goose have created quite a strong bond. Though they abandon their mission, they don't abandon each other. One of the best children's books about friendship for the littles! Support independent bookstores and get the book on Bookshop.org right here!

The Snail and the Whale, by Julia Donaldson and illustrated by Axel Scheffler: What happens when a tiny snail longs to see the world? He hitches a ride on a giant humpback whale who takes him on a wondrous adventure. But one day, the whale becomes lost and confused, and suddenly, he is beached in the sand. Will the tiny snail ever be able to repay the great whale for its kindness? We love this book that beautifully highlights a small snail's courage, a giant whale's kindness, and the way friendship can spring up among the unlikeliest pairs. Support independent bookstores and get the book on Bookshop.org right here!

The Friend Ship, by Kat Yeh and illustrated by Chuck Groenik: One young hedgehog is super lonely, but upon hearing about something called a "friend ship," she takes off to try to find this unique vessel! Along the way, she encounters some other animals who join in on her search - and before long, they realize that a "friend ship" may have been right under their noses throughout their journey. Children will delight in this darling play on words! Support independent bookstores and get the book on Bookshop.org right here!

Yak and Dove, by Kyo Maclear and Esme Shapiro: This book never fails to make us laugh! Yak and Dove are an unlikely pair - in fact, they are complete opposites! As the two ponder their differences they realize that maybe, in fact, they aren't supposed to be friends after all. Yak holds auditions for a new best friend, and he may come to realize that sometimes our differences are what connect us in the first place - and we are more alike than we think. These three interconnected stories are as profound as they are delightful, and we could read this one again and again - and laugh each and every time! Support independent bookstores and get the book on Bookshop.org right here!

Otto and Pio, by Marianne Dubuc: This tender book illuminates that feeling of contentment we find when we take care of someone we love. Otto the squirrel is happy as a clam living alone, and when Pio comes along, Otto doesn't know what to make of him. Otto invites Pio in, and Pio eats all of Otto's food- and then he grows and grows and grows! Though he is initially frustrated, Otto begins to realizes that despite the inconveniences, his home is much happier with Pio in it, no matter how big Pio gets! Support independent bookstores and get the book on Bookshop.org right here!

The Antlered Ship, by Dashka Slater and illustrated by Terry Fan and Eric Fan: Marco is one inquisitive fox. He can't stop asking questions, but no one else seems to share his curiosity. When a stunning ship arrives in search of a crew, Marco knows this is the start of a journey he must undertake! Though there are no other foxes aboard, and not all of his questions get answered, Marco begins to realize that sometimes, finding new friends can be even more fulfilling than having all the answers. The exquisite illustrations in this profound story make this book a gem! Support independent bookstores and get the book on Bookshop.org right here!

Children's Books About Friendship & Generous Actions

Lubna and Pebble, by Wendy Meddour and illustrated by Daniel Egneus: Lubna's best friend and confidante is a small pebble, found the night she landed in a World of Tents with her father. But when a little boy arrives to the World of Tents, lost and cold, Lubna introduces the boy to Pebble, and the two become friends in their new, uncertain world. When Lubna learns she and her father have found a real home and will be leaving the World of Tents, Lubna knows she has the most perfect gift to leave with the boy. Stunning, poignant, and moving, this is one of my very favorite children's books about friendship - if not an all time favorite! Support independent bookstores and get the book on Bookshop.org right here! For our full review of Lubna and Pebble, click here!

Poe Won't Go, by Kelly DiPucchio and illustrated by Zachariah O'Hora: What happens when an elephant plops down in the middle of the road, blocking traffic and creating chaos for everyone around him? The people of Prickly Valley yell and honk and push and try to coax him to leave. Yet, the elephant doesn't budge, and it takes one little girl's thoughtfulness - and her willingness to extend an ear and listen - to help the elephant find his way. Both funny and tender, this book scores on every level! Support independent bookstores and get the book on Bookshop.org right here!

I Walk with Vanessa: A Story About a Simple Act of Kindness by Kerascoet: A stunning, wordless exploration of the harmful act of bullying, and how one simple act of kindness by an upstander can be a change agent for the entire community. I absolutely love letting children ponder these pictures and tell their own stories. The "plots" they come up with are intriguing and insightful - and their words will give you such a significant glimpse into their minds and hearts. Support independent bookstores and get the book on Bookshop.org right here!

Thank you, Omu!, by Oge Mora: A stunning debut! Everyone in the neighborhood follows the delicious scent of stew to Omu's doorstep, where Omu (meaning "queen" in the Igbo language of the author's parents) dishes her meal out with love. But when it comes time for Omu to sit down for dinner, she realizes she left no stew for herself! This is a gorgeous, timeless story of generosity and community, beautifully conveying that one good deed deserves another - and sharing is everything. Support independent bookstores and get the book on Bookshop.org right here! For our full review of Thank You, Omu!, click here!

A Hat for Mrs. Goldman, by Michelle Edwards and illustrated by G. Brian Karas: Mrs. Goldman knits hats for everyone in their neighborhood to help them stay warm during the harsh winter. But what happens when Sophia realizes that Mrs. Goldman is so busy knitting for everyone else that she has no hat of her own to keep her keppie warm? Sophia takes it upon herself to make Mrs. Goldman the perfect hat, and this simple action makes this a Happily Ever Elephants favorite picture book about friendship! We absolutely love this story of selflessness! S upport independent bookstores and get the book on Bookshop.org right here!

The Rabbit Listened, by Cori Doerrfeld: Something bad has happened to Taylor - she cannot get over her devastation when a tower she worked so hard to construct crashes to the ground. Her friends try to help. They offer suggestions and unsolicited advice, trying everything in the books to get her to calm down. But only when the rabbit sits and listens - just listens, quietly and calmly - does she begin to feel better. How I love this one! This is a favorite picture book about friendship that highlights the ever important quality of listening to a friend rather than jumping in and trying to "fix" things. Support independent bookstores and get the book on Bookshop.org right here!

Be Kind, by Pat Zeitlow Miller and illustrated by Jen Hill: Tanesha spills grape juice all over her new dress, and a classmate searches for just the right way to make her feel better. I love the way this sweet, simple story walks through actions any child can take to spread kindness throughout their classrooms and communities. Even small acts of kindness have big impacts and go a long way towards building friendships and connections. A stunning children's picture book about friendship and kindness! Support independent bookstores and get the book on Bookshop.org right here! For our full review of Be Kind, click here!

Josie's Lost Tooth, by Jennifer K. Mann: Poor Josie is the only kid in class who hasn't lost a tooth. But, alas! One day, she feels a wiggly one! She keeps trying to knock the tooth out, but nothing works - until she is playing sharks on the playground with Richard, and she trips and falls. The fall does just the trick - it knocks her tooth out, but then she can't find it anywhere! Whatever will she leave the tooth fairy now? Richard's generous action helps Josie out of her plight, and his simple yet gracious gesture sets a powerful example that generosity will always move mountains and kindness will forever be cool. Support independent bookstores and get the book on Bookshop.org right here!

Children's Books About Friendship and it's Ups and Downs

Goodbye, Friend! Hello, Friend!, by Cori Doerrfeld: Friendship comes with its ups and downs, of course. But one of the hardest parts of finding a best friend is having to say goodbye to that friend. This beautiful story by a favorite author shows two friends saying hello and goodbye to various things - goodbye to snowmen is hello to jumping in puddles, goodbye to the sun is hello to the stars - and then showing the difficulty inherent in saying goodbye to a friend when she has to move away. Sensitive, gentle and profound, Doerrfeld conveys to readers that even the most difficult goodbyes open us up to brilliant new hellos - and though it may take time to heal, a new day with many new hellos is always on the horizon. Support independent bookstores and get the book on Bookshop.org right here! For our full review of Goodbye, Friend! Hello, Friend! click here!

Garcia and Collette Go Exploring, by Hannah Barnaby and illustrated by Andrew Joiner : If your kids love an adventure, they will adore this picture book about a bunny and a fox who can't agree on which location is more spectacular - space or the sea. The book's parallel structure perfectly emphasizes the differences in each character's journey but also conveys the loneliness each feels without the other. When reunited, I love how the characters practice honesty and are not ashamed to admit the shortfalls of their respective journeys. The compromise the characters come to at the end of the book, and the recognition that a friend at your side makes every journey (even one that wasn't your first choice) that much better, has us reading this story on repeat. For our full review of Garcia and Collette Go Exploring, click here!

Molly and Mae: A Friendship Journey by Danny Parker and illustrated by Freya Blackwood: Two little girls meet on the platform of a train station. They connect instantly, playing games as they await the train with their families. Upon boarding, however, their games turn into conflict, and the two girls turn away from each other. Will they be able to restart their friendship and enjoy the rest of the ride together? I love the manner in which Parker and Blackwood use the train's journey as an extended metaphor of the ups and downs and starts and stops inherent in the journey of friendship. It was a perfect - if not masterful - comparison. Support independent bookstores and get the book on Bookshop.org right here! For our full review of Molly and Mae, click here!

Each Kindness, by Jacqueline Woodson and illustrated by E.B. Lewis: Perfect for upper elementary, middle and even high school students, this is the story of Chloe and her crew who won't play with the new girl in school. The girls cast Maya aside every time she tries to make friend, and one day, Maya simply stops coming to school. When Chloe's teacher speaks to the class about how even small acts of kindness can have powerful effects, Chloe is remorseful for her actions. This is a must have for every classroom and home, sending an anti-bullying message that is as compelling as it is critical. Support independent bookstores and get the book on Bookshop.org right here!

Grandmother Thorn, by Katey Howes and illustrated by Rebecca Hahn : Grandmother Thorn treasures her beautiful, pristine garden. But when an unwanted plant begins to sprout without her permission, she begins to break down. With the help of a dear friend and the passage of time, Grandmother Thorn learns that some things in life are beyond anyone's control- and that life's greatest disappointments can also give rise to the greatest gifts. The story reads like a time-tested classic or an age-old folk tale, with rich characters, lush prose and not a word out of place, sparking important discussions on the meaning of perfection, friendship and embracing fear. Support independent bookstores and get the book on Bookshop.org right here! For our full review of Grandmother Thorn, click here!

Life Without Nico, by Andrea Maturana and ilustrated by Francisco Javier Olea: When Maia's best friend suddenly moves away, Maia is crippled by sadness. How on earth will she get through her days without her closest confidante by her side? Ever so slowly, Maia's pain eases as she breaks out of her comfort zone and takes chances on new experiences, including new friends and even hobbies. This is a tender exploration of loss and recovery, and it so beautifully tackles the notion that embracing new people or passions in your life in no way means you have to let go of the old. Support independent bookstores and get the book on Bookshop.org right here!

Children's Books About Friendship & Unlikely Pairs

The Scarecrow, by Beth Ferry and illustrated by The Fan Brothers: Oh man. This children's book about friendship is powerful, emotional, and a must have for your shelves! All the animals know that Scarecrow is not something to mess around with. But one day, when a a scared little crow falls from the sky, Scarecrow surprises everyone with his tender actions. This is a stunning exploration of affection and friendship that reminds us of how fulfilling it is to help others. Absolutely in love with this one! Support independent bookstores and get the book on Bookshop.org right here!

To the Sea, by Cale Atkinson: Tim often feels alone and unseen at school, until the day he meets Sam, a big blue whale who is having trouble finding his way back home. Tim has got to help get his new friend back to the water, but it proves a lot harder than anticipated. He doesn't give up though, because "friends don't let friends down." Kids will squeal with delight and excitement, all the while cheering Tim on as he tackles the biggest challenge of his life and will stop at nothing to return Sam home to the water where he belongs. Support independent bookstores and get the book on Bookshop.org right here!

Dear Dragon: A Pen Pal Tale, by Josh Funk and Rodolfo Montalvo : Georgie and Blaise are pen pals, and they write each other about everything under the sun. They get along so well and cannot wait to meet in real life. But when they do they are very different than anticipated. Why? Because Georgie is a person, and Blaise is a dragon! We love this story about looking beyond differences to appreciate what lies inside each of us. Support independent bookstores and get the book on Bookshop.org right here!

Leonardo the Terrible Monster : Leonardo has a problem. He is one terrible monster. As hard as he tries, he cannot scare anyone! So Leonardo finds the most scaredy-cat kid in the world, and he goes on a mission to scare the tuna salad out of this little boy, Sam. Leonardo believes he is successful after Sam bursts into tears, until Sam unleashes a litany of wrongs that have upset him, all having nothing to do with our little monster. When Leonardo realizes how sad Sam is, he makes a big decision: he decides Sam needs a friend instead of a monster. This is one of the most fun children's books about friendship - it's been a forever favorite! Support independent bookstores and get the book on Bookshop.org right here! For our full review of Leonardo the Terrible Monster, click here!

Truman, by Jean Reidy and Lucy Ruth Cummins: Truman the tiny tortoise lives with his best friend Sarah. One day, Sarah straps on her backpack, leaves their home, and boards the number eleven bus! Truman is distraught, and after waiting for her to return, he eventually can wait no longer. Truman thus sets off on a journey to find her, even though that journey may be downright impossible. We simply adore this darling book that beautifully conveys how the devotion we have for those we love most can help us embark on courageous feats we never knew we were brave enough to undertake. Support independent bookstores and get the book on Bookshop.org right here!

The Very Last Castle, by Travis Jonker and illustrated by Mark Pett : We simply love the way this book challenges the preconceived notions of an entire community - all but one small, curious girl! This is a fabulous story in which a child overcomes fear of the unknown lurking within an old castle. In the process, she discovers her inner courage, makes a new friend, and creates a big change right within her community. Support independent bookstores and get the book on Bookshop.org right here!

The Adventures of Beekle: The Unimaginary Friend, by Dan Santat: This Caldecott Award winner is darling, wondrous and one of our favorite children's books about friendship! On an island far away, an imaginary friend is born. But this poor friend has to wait until he is chosen by a real life child to become that child's truest friend! After being overlooked time and time again, Beekle decides to journey to the big city all on his own, and only then does he find his perfect mate - and get a name all of his own. We love Beekle and this story of friendship, imagination and wonder! Support independent bookstores and get the book on Bookshop.org right here!

Boy and Bot, by Ame Dyckman and Dan Yaccarino: Boy and Bot discover each other in the woods, and thus begins an epic playdate. But suddenly, Bot gets switched off, and Boy thinks Bot has gotten sick! The Boy takes Bot home and tries to get him to stop malfunctioning, but nothing seems to help, so Boy tucks Bot into bed. Only when Boy's parents accidentally bump Bot with the door does Bot get switched back on, but then Bot finds Boy asleep and unresponsive! Will Boy wake up and be ok? Will these two ever find themselves on the same wavelength? We love this darling story of two unlikely pals! Support independent bookstores and get the book on Bookshop.org right here!

LOVE IT? PIN IT!

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.title
These Children's Books About Friendship Teach Kids to Be the Best Pals!

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.description
Inside: We love children's *This post contains affiliate links. books about friendship - stories that celebrate the joy, drama and love between pals! Here are some of our very favorite friendship books! Kindred spirits. I hope my boys have friends like this. "Kindred spirits are not so scarce as I used to think.

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.title
Four Types of Boundaries - Healthy Relationships

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.title
10 Differences Between Good Friends and Toxic Friends

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.title
4 Differences Between Good Friends and Toxic Friends

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.description
Friendships can have a major impact on your health and well-being. Follow these tips to make and sustain lasting friendships.

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.provider_name
CT.gov - Connecticut's Official State Website

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.readable_text
Healthy Friendships and Relationships
Different Kinds of Relationships
We see lots of different people every day. Some are closer to us than others. For example, we are usually very close to our family and friends. We talk with them and share our thoughts and feelings. We might not be as close to our neighbors. We might smile or say "hello," but not even know their names.
Here are some of the people we see every day:
Paid Supports: A paid support is someone you pay to provide you with a service (doctors or dentists, grocery clerks, barbers or beauticians, bank tellers, mechanics, etc.). You may know some of these people very well. Others, you may not know at all. As a direct support professional (DSP), you would fit into this category.

Acquaintances: Acquaintances are people that you recognize. You may wave or say "hello" when you see them. You might not know their names. They might be neighbors or people you see at the bus stop.

Group Members: Some people belong to the same clubs or groups as you. These may be people that you see at work or school. You may enjoy doing things with them in the group or at work but not see them otherwise.

Friend: A friend is someone that you like to be with. You enjoy talking to this person and doing things together.

Family: Family includes parents, sisters, brothers, cousins and other relatives. Some people are very close with their family. Some people do not see their family very much.

Close Friendships and Romantic Relationships: Some relationships are very close. Close relationships develop when two people love each other and like to spend time together. You can have close relationships with many people. Some close relationships involve romantic feelings.
Communication and Sharing
The most important part of any healthy friendship or relationship is the ability to talk and listen to one another. Talking and listening helps people to:

Share their common interests

Share their feelings

Learn to listen

Know they are an important part of someone else's life.

Healthy friendships and relationships also mean learning to respect and trust each other.

People respect each other for who they are.

People may disagree with each other. But with respect and trust, they can talk about how they feel and work things out.

People also should respect and trust themselves and their feelings so they can set boundaries and feel comfortable.

How does a person know that they have a healthy friendship with someone else?
Here are some signs that a person can use to know if they have an unhealthy friendship.

The person feels good about themselves when they are with their friend

The person doesn't feel good: their feelings are hurt or they feel sad or upset around their friend

There's an equal amount of "give and take" between the person and their friend

The person and their friend only talk about the friend

The person feels safe around their friend

The person is uncomfortable with what their friend says and does

The person trusts and respects their friend

The person's privacy is not respected

The person wants to spend time with their friend

The person feels like they have to spend time with their friend

The person can be themselves around their friend

The person acts differently around their friend

The person goes to places and does things both people like with their friend

The person only goes to places the friend wants to go

Friends: A Manual for Connecting Persons with Disabilities and Community Members

This manual suggests ways to help people with disabilities to develop friendships and relationships. Amado, A.N., Conklin, F., & Wells, J. (1990) Available from the Minnesota Governor's Planning Council on Developmental Disabilities, 300 Centennial Office Building, 658 Cedar Street, St. Paul, MN 55155, (612) 296-4018

Inclusion.com: A resource of books and videos about inclusion in school, work and comm unity

Healthy Relationships and Safe Sex:
Friendships and Community Connections between People with and without Developmental Disabilities Tips for Self-Advocates

Prepared by Joe Meadours, a self-advocate from Alabama and Executive Director of People First of California, with research and editorial help from Reena Wagle, Ph.D., Human Services Research Institute. 2006. For copies contact the Human Services Research Institute, 7420 S.W. Bridgeport Road, Suite #210, Portland, OR 97224; 503-924-3783; http://www.hsri.org/

Descriptions of successful experiences and principles that help others build relationships through social connections. Edited by Angela Novak Amado and available through Paul H. Brookes Publishing Co., P. O. Box 10624, Baltimore, MD 21285-0624.

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.description
Different Kinds of Relationships We see lots of different people every day. Some are closer to us than others. For example, we are usually very close to our family and friends. We talk with them and share our thoughts and feelings. We might not be as close to our neighbors.

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.description
Looking to make new friends? These tips can help you meet people, start a conversation, and cultivate good friendships.

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.readable_text
Have you had it up to here with the gossip and put-downs? Are you tired of following the dress code of your group but think you'll be dropped if you don't? Are you concerned about whether you'll still be included this year at school or whether you'll feel like an outcast - or worse, be picked on?

Whether you're on the outside looking in or the inside wanting out, it can help to know what makes cliques tick.

A Group of Friends vs. a Clique

Being part of a group can help make your day easier to deal with - and you can learn some great life skills like being a good listener, sharing experiences, and respecting people.

Groups can form around things people have in common. So jocks, goths, preps, skaters, and even the math club are naturally drawn together because they share similar interests. The people in these groups feel they have a place where they're welcome and supported, and where they can be themselves. Some people form groups from being in drama club, or liking the same music or movies, or even just because they like to hang out at the mall.

Some groups stick together for a long time. Others drift apart after a while as people develop new interests, make different friends, or just find they have less in common. People can move in and out of different groups and can even be part of several at the same time. Even within a group, people often have one or two friends they feel closest to and enjoy the most.

Some friendship groups seem pretty flexible and welcome people to join in. Others seem much more restricted, though. People in these groups make it clear that not just anyone can be part of their crowd. That type of restricted group is sometimes called a clique.

Page Two

What's the Deal With Cliques?

Cliques are tight groups that usually have a strict code of membership and ways to act. Instead of being centered on shared values and beliefs, many cliques tend to focus on maintaining their status and popularity. For instance, a clique may try to make it seem like the people in it are "better" than those outside, or that their clique is higher status than another clique.

People in cliques sometimes use their power to hurt others on purpose, either by excluding them, being mean, or both. Sometimes they might insult people by trying to "fix" them or give them "makeovers." Other times it becomes more serious and someone outside the group is targeted or victimized for being, looking, or acting different.

Unlike regular groups of friends, where members are free to socialize with others outside the group, people in cliques often do everything together. They sit together in class, go to the mall together after school - and they only do stuff with other clique members or people they decide are "cool."

Although people might think it's better to belong to a clique than to be excluded, many times people in cliques end up dealing with lots of pressures and rules. They soon start to worry about whether they'll continue to be popular or whether they'll be dropped. After a while, they may begin to realize that true friends wouldn't be so bossy or demanding.

Why Do Cliques Attract People?

Cliques attract people for different reasons: For some people, being popular or cool is the most important thing, and cliques give them a place where they can get this social status. Other people want to be in cliques because they don't like to feel left out. Some people simply feel it's better to be on the inside than the outside (it's not, but more on that later).

Cliques give people who like to take control a chance to be in charge (for good or bad!). For people who feel more comfortable following, they offer a place where rules are clearly defined. It's usually clear to clique members what they need to do to fit in. Sometimes that means sacrificing some freedom and following the leader rather than doing what you feel like doing.

Clique membership is usually tightly controlled by the leaders. These social gatekeepers are the ones with the power to decide who should be hot and who should not. This type of membership control usually happens in cliques of girls.

As many great kids have found, entry into a clique isn't guaranteed. In fact, a girl who is seen as likeable and popular may actually be excluded from belonging to a clique. That's because her personality or confidence may pose a threat to the leaders. She might not be a good "follower" - especially if she can be popular enough on her own. Sometimes her friends may even be invited to join when she isn't. Clique members may deliberately exclude her in an attempt to take away her perceived power or the threat they think she could pose.

Cliques aren't just for girls. Guys form cliques, too - usually around a sport, computer game, or type of clothing or music. They can be just as mean as girls about the outcasts of the social group.

Page Four

The View from the Inside

It's not all roses inside a clique either. A person's standing within the group can always be under threat. Most of the followers cling to the leader not out of true friendship but because they want to keep their position in the group.

But even the leader can lose her power. In fact, the queen bee in a strong girl clique probably worries as much - or even more - about being popular and accepted as the outsiders do. Because no one feels secure, clique members often use the tools of flattery, humiliation, or rumors to manipulate situations and preserve their status.

A few girls manage to stay friends with people both inside and outside the clique. But that can be hard to do because there's often intense pressure from the group to be friends only with people on the approved list. It takes a lot of self-confidence to dare to be friends with someone outside the clique.

Sometimes clique members decide they want out. They don't like being limited by the rules, and they don't like leaving others out and hurting people's feelings. As people get older, they may not feel like being part of a clique anymore. Usually toward the end of high school, kids are more relaxed about who is "in" and who's not. But earlier on in your school life it can take a lot of courage to leave a clique or decide to remain on the outside.

Beware of online groups and cliques using social network sites. These have become popular sites to put others down, invite only selected friends to a party, and make mean comments or posts. People can even build fake profiles. Only post profile information and photos that you want everyone to see. Keep your messages to other people online private.

Surviving Cliques

Whether you're on the inside or the outside, cliques can make your life tough. But there are ways to cope:

Know yourself - and your reputation. Now is a time for getting in touch with your values, interests, and beliefs. If you're encountering cliques, it's a good opportunity to ask yourself some self-discovery questions about what you and your true friends give each other. Do you want to be part of a group because you need to feel accepted or because you actually share their values? Has your group of friends morphed into something you don't like? How do your friends influence the way people think about you? Does this make you feel good or bad?

Stay involved in activities that make you feel good about yourself. If you're in a clique, don't let the group pressure you into giving up things you love or spending time and money on things that aren't important to you. If you're on the outside and feeling left out, getting involved in things that interest you is a great way to find a sense of belonging, help you feel valued, and take your mind off a group that's not welcoming. If you don't have friends at school, join a volunteer group (helping others or the environment can make you feel good about yourself).

Keep your social circles open and diverse. Cliques can be very limiting in the way they control how members look, think, dress, and behave. Don't let them make you miss out on getting to know people who may become close friends. If you're on the outside, it can help to find a close friend or group of friends whose values, goals, and behaviors fit in with yours. The support and genuine caring you get will keep you from feeling so defenseless when the mean girls tease and bully. Sometimes just knowing that clique members are probably insecure can limit their power over you.

Speak out. If you feel your group of friends is turning into a clique, take a stand for your beliefs. The clique might go on without you (remember those girls who feel threatened by someone else's strength). But there's also a chance that others might follow your lead and stop acting so clique-y. If it's too hard to get up the courage to speak out, you still don't have to participate in things that feel wrong. And if you're on the outside and know that a clique is bullying or intimidating others, let teachers or counselors know about it.

Have a mind of your own. Be sensitive to others and don't go along with what you don't believe is right - even if others are doing it. You are the only one responsible for how you act. True friends will respect your mind, your rights, and your independent choices. Even if someone tells you to do something that is "just a joke," say no if you know it's not right. Try not to be intimidated. If your crush is on the "outside," ask him or her out anyway. It can feel good to mix things up a little.

Friendships change. Just as one clique can make life miserable, changes in social groups can take their power away. You may encounter cliques as a freshman or sophomore. But the good news is that most cliques disappear by the end of high school.

Want to know the real secret to being popular and having friends? Be a good friend yourself. People who enjoy true and lasting popularity are those who have good friendship skills. Being a friend means being respectful, fair, interested, trustworthy, honest, caring, and kind. So if you want to have friends, be just the kind of friend you'd like to have and stay true to who you are.

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.description
Have you had it up to here with the gossip and put-downs? Are you tired of following the dress code of your group but think you'll be dropped if you don't? Are you concerned about whether you'll still be included this year at school or whether you'll feel like an outcast - or worse, be picked on?

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.description
It takes effort to maintain healthy, long-term relationships with our friends Research continues to show how important strong relationships are-and how detrimental loneliness can be to our overall health and well-being. In an age of constant connectivity through technology, our deeper and committed relationships can suffer as we spend more and more time screen-to-screen instead of heart-to-heart.

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.authors[].name
Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC)

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.title
The Secrets to Effective Family Communication

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.readable_text
Healthy, strong family relationships are foundational to young people's growth, learning, and well-being. These relationships build strong social and emotional strengths that kids use throughout their lives.

But great family relationships don't just happen.
Keep Connected offers all kinds of families-and organizations that support them-ideas, activities, and experiences to help build strong family relationships. Our goal is to strengthen family relationships to help kids be and become their best selves.

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.title
Beyond Parenting Advice-Reflect, Connect, and Grow Together

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.description
Healthy, strong family relationships are foundational to young people's growth, learning, and well-being. These relationships build strong social and emotional strengths that kids use throughout their lives. But great family relationships don't just happen. Keep Connected offers all kinds of families-and organizations that support them-ideas, activities, and experiences to help build strong family relationships.

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.title
HealthyChildren.org - From the American Academy of Pediatrics

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.readable_text
Be Strong Families offers workshops, trainings and technical assistance for people, systems, and organizations that are trying to promote healing and prevent violence in families. Our work is strengths-based, family-centered, and trauma-informed. We use empowered engagement in everything we do so that participants can surface solutions from their own wisdom, build from their own experiences, and become leaders in their own communities.

Be Strong Families has a strong track record in working with child welfare systems, early-childhood and education programs, and violence-prevention initiatives. We are always looking for new partners to create emotionally and physically safe spaces for transformative conversations.

Take a look at what we do and let us know how we can join forces so that families thrive.

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.description
Be Strong Families is comprised of a passionate, dedicated, diverse team that works in partnership with systems, service providers, and parents. We partner with people, organizations and systems to create transformative conversations that nurture the spirit of family, promote well-being and prevent

# data[].attributes.body
Strengthening Family Ties Workbook

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.title
82 Best Family Relationships Books of All Time

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.description
The 82 best family relationships books recommended by Guy Kawasaki, Michele Borba, Dana Dearmond, Leah D. Messer and Tanya Plibersek.

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.readable_text
You probably talk to your friends way more than you talk to your parents. That's natural, even if you and your parents have a great relationship.

Still, it's good to have a parent's help, advice, and support. You can get support from other adults in your life, too. Maybe there's a teacher, mentor, or coach you like to talk with.

At first, it might seem awkward to open up, especially when talking about some subjects. Or it might feel harder if it's been a while since you had a good heart-to-heart. Here are some tips to make it easier to talk.

Talk About Everyday Stuff - and Do It Every Day

The more you do something, the easier it gets. Talking to the adults in your life about everyday stuff builds a bond. It makes it easier when you need to discuss something more serious.

Find something to chat about each day. You can keep it brief and casual. Talk about how your team did at the track meet. Share something one of your teachers said. Tell them about a school project. Share a fun post or picture. Even small talk about what's for dinner can keep you feeling close.

Do things together that you both enjoy. Go for a walk. Work out together. Cook, eat, play, make music, help out, or just hang out together. This gives you a chance to have a casual chat.

It's never too late to start. If things feel strained between you and your parent, ease into it. Mention that cute thing the dog did. Watch a funny movie together to share a laugh. Talking about little things might be a way to get closer if you need to.

How to Talk About Difficult Topics

Maybe you need to break bad news to a parent, like failing an exam. Maybe you're feeling scared or stressed about something. Or there's something personal you want to share, like a special person in your life. But you don't know how they'll react. Or how it will feel to tell them. Or how you'll find the words.

To help you prepare, you can:

1. Think about what you want or need from your parent.

Do you want to tell them something important? Ask for their help? Do you want them to listen and hear you out? Do you need their support? Or their advice? Do you need their permission for something? Or help with a problem you're having?

It helps if you're clear about what you want. Put it into words. For example:

"I need to tell you about a problem I'm having. I just want you to listen right now so you know what's bothering me. I'm not ready for advice yet."

"I need your advice about something. Can we talk?"

"I need to get your permission to go on a class trip next week. Can I tell you about it?"

2. Think about how you feel.

Are you worried about how a parent or other adult might react? Scared that they'll be mad or disappointed? Embarrassed to talk about something sensitive or personal? Feel guilty because you got in some trouble? Don't let those feelings stop you from talking. Instead, let your feelings be part of the conversation.

Put feelings into words. For example:

"I want to tell you something that's pretty personal. And I'm worried about how you'll react. But I want to tell you anyway."

"I need to talk to you. But I'm afraid I'll disappoint you."

"I need to talk to you about something. But it's kind of embarrassing."

"I have something to tell you. I'm not proud of what I've done, and you might be mad. But I know I need to tell you. Can you hear me out?"

3. Practice.

If you think you might get nervous or clam up when it comes time to talk, try practicing what you want to say in front of a mirror. Or practice with a friend. Practice can build confidence. It can help you feel more comfortable when you're talking.

4. Pick a good time to talk.

Find a time when your parent or the adult you want to talk to isn't busy with something else. Ask, "Can we talk? Is now a good time?" Try to find a quiet or private space where there are not a lot of distractions or other people around. And then, just get started.

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.title
Talking to Your Parents or Other Adults (for Teens)

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.description
Whether it's an everyday issue like schoolwork or an emergency situation, these tips can help you improve communications with your parents and other adults.

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.readable_text
love & friendship
Struggling to coexist with difficult family members? Learn about common sources of conflict and how to deal with dysfunctional family relationships.

What are dysfunctional family relationships?

Mothers, fathers, siblings-your closest family members can form a lifelong social support system. They can celebrate your highs and give you comfort when you're at your lows. Even so, disagreements and misunderstandings are bound to happen. Minor conflicts between family members are normal, and they typically resolve on their own or with some constructive dialogue. But other conflicts can be much more significant. In cases where resentment and toxic patterns arise, family interactions can become lasting sources of frustration and tear relationships apart.

Difficult family relationships can take on many forms. You might have an overly critical dad who makes you feel anxious. Perhaps a sibling's jealousy is a constant source of tension at family functions. Or maybe you believe a new in-law's controlling behavior leads to unnecessary drama.

These turbulent family relationships can have long-lasting effects on your health and well-being. You might:

Begin to blame yourself for these poor relationships.

Experience fear and anxiety surrounding family or holiday events.

Hesitate to reach out to other family members.

Suffer from lack of emotional or financial support during hard times.

Develop trouble sleeping or focusing due to the stress of these interactions.

Research even indicates that poor relationships with parents, siblings, or spouses can contribute to midlife depression symptoms. Exposure to domestic conflicts can also have a long-term impact on a child's well-being as well. One longitudinal study found that domestic arguments and violence can increase a child's risk of developing mental and physical health problems later in life.

To minimize these consequences, you can learn how to identify causes of family tension and take steps to create peaceful interactions. While you might eventually find that cutting ties is the best option for your health and happiness, there are approaches you can take that can help repair family bonds and improve your relationships with those closest to you.

Common causes of family conflict

Before you learn how to deal with difficult family members, it helps to examine why those relationships are rocky to begin with. Consider these common causes of family disputes and ways to navigate them:

Family finances

Family members tend to have some degree of financial overlap. Siblings might bicker over an inheritance. Parents may have strong opinions on how their children handle money. Or adult children might feel the need to control their aging parents' finances.

When it comes to large family events, such as weddings or holiday parties, financial disagreements can often come to a head. However, there are ways to navigate money-related problems within your family.

Put things in writing. If you expect a family member to pay you back for a personal loan, for example, make a written agreement between the two of you. This can help you avoid arguments or even legal disputes.

Set boundaries. If a family member is pressuring you to loan or give them money or wants to dictate your finances, it's important to clarify the type of behavior you won't tolerate. Be clear so your family member will know when they've crossed the line.

Know when to be transparent. You don't have to share all of your financial details with anyone. But, in cases where your decisions may affect your family members, it's best to be transparent. You might want to talk to your children about details of their inheritance to avoid a future conflict, for example, or let your siblings know why you can't contribute to a shared expense.
[Read: Coping with Financial Stress]
Caregiving responsibilities

Research from 2020 shows that about 19 percent of Americans are acting as unpaid family caregivers. The stresses and responsibilities of being a caregiver can weigh heavily on family relationships.

Studies indicate that tension between siblings tends to increase when a parent begins to need some level of caregiving. Perhaps you believe your sibling is in denial over your parent's health and needs to be more proactive. Or maybe you and your sibling disagree on whether an assisted living facility is the right housing choice for your parent.

Conflicts over caregiving aren't limited to sibling relationships. You might have arguments with your parents or spouse over how to raise your children.

When you and another family member are at odds over caregiving, try these tips:

Be open about what level of support you need as a caregiver. If you keep your feelings to yourself, resentment can grow and increase tensions.

Look for compromise and accept other people's limitations. If your sibling can't physically assist with caregiving, perhaps they can offer financial help. Remember to show your appreciation when your sibling takes on responsibilities.

If someone else is completely unable or unwilling to help with parental caregiving, try looking for support outside of your family.
[Read: Family Caregiving]
New family members

As your family expands, so does the potential for new conflicts. In one study of estrangement between mothers and adult children, more than 70 percent of the mothers said other family members caused the rift. The mothers often pointed to the child's partner or spouse as the problem.

These conflicts aren't limited to mothers and children, of course. You and your brother-in-law might have a contentious relationship. Or perhaps your father-in-law always seems to expect too much from you. To better get along with your in-laws:

Expect differences. Different families have different expectations, boundaries, and ways of doing things. Do you see your daughter-in-law as an untactful or even rude family member? Maybe she comes from a family background that encourages blunt language or tolerates teasing.

Focus on their most positive traits. Your in-laws are part of your family because someone else in your family saw the good in them. If you're having a hard time seeing past their flaws, try making a list of their strengths.

Find common interests. Although it's not always easy, you can usually find shared interests if you look hard enough. Ask about your in-laws' hobbies, passions, and past experiences until you find something that's relatable.

Political and religious differences

Religious and political similarities can affect the strength of family bonds. For example, studies indicate that when mothers share the same religion as adult children, they tend to experience higher-quality relationships.

On the other hand, when family members don't have the same views on religion or politics, it can trigger heated arguments. Maybe your sibling objects to group prayers before meals. Or perhaps you hear insults and snide remarks when you express your political views. Here's how to deal with difficult family members who have opposing views:

Identify useful conversations. When a debate starts, ask yourself what you hope to get from the interaction. Do you expect to completely change your family member's mind? Or are you trying to gain insight into their beliefs? Is it at all possible that either of you will budge on your position? Even if you'll never agree about something, you can still move the conversation forward if you're both willing to be open and respectful of each other's views.

Avoid sweeping generalizations. Statements like, "Everyone on the left is evil" or "Everyone on the right is an idiot" can quickly escalate arguments and further entrench people.

Try to see the human element in the other person's values. Many political beliefs are shaped by an underlying concern for society, such as economic or environmental stability. By recognizing that, the other person's views may not seem as wildly different from your own.

Know when to exit heated arguments. When emotions run too hot, make a respectful but firm exit from the conversation. You can say something like, "I'm not sure if this is productive. Let's leave it there." Contain the urge to have the "last word."

Be mindful of your jokes. Humor can often help diffuse a tense argument. However, avoid aggressive jokes that target the other person's beliefs or values.

Unresolved family issues

Things that happened in the past can have a lasting effect on family relationships. Did you and your son have an explosive argument when he was a teenager? If the matter went unresolved, he might continue to be resentful or distrustful of you. Did your parents seem to favor you over your brothers? Jealousy could become an underlying source of tension for your siblings.

Unresolved issues can often crop up during milestone events or times of change within the family. For example, insecurities over parental favoritism might reappear as you and your siblings begin to act as caregivers to an aging parent.

If you're the one holding onto an issue, speak up. Invite the other person to a private conversation, where you can bring up the issue and share your perspective. Be willing to forgive if the party apologizes for their part in the problem.

If a family member is holding resentment, be empathetic. Try to understand how they perceived events and how the past continues to affect them. If you caused some harm to them in the past, apologize and ask how you can repair the damage to the relationship. For example, if you lost your temper with your son in the past, explain how you plan to do better going forward.

If neither person is at fault, it can still help to acknowledge the past and the effects of growing up in a dysfunctional family. Remember that no family is perfect, and past events influence present-day perceptions. Focus on what steps you can take in the present to resolve the conflict.

Tips on interacting with difficult family members

Despite your best efforts and intentions, sometimes you'll find that you simply can't get along with a family member. Perhaps someone continues to hold a grudge against you or refuses to change their behavior.

Your general plan might be to avoid difficult family members. However, that strategy can often be foiled by weddings, funerals, and other family gatherings. Here are some alternate options:

Manage your own stress

Prioritize de-stressing before and after you have to interact with a difficult family member. Effective stress management techniques can range from meditation to going for a walk to journaling your thoughts or chatting face-to-face with a close friend.

If you start to feel stressed by the difficult family member during the event itself, don't hesitate to excuse yourself from the room and use some quick stress relief techniques to clear your head.

Rely on your senses to ground yourself in the moment. Take in a deep breath of fresh air, find a friendly cat or dog to pet, or hum a tune to yourself. You can also use your imagination to picture something soothing, like your child's face or a relaxing setting.

If you tend to freeze when under stress, activities that involve physical movement are often most effective. Consider doing some stretches, swaying to background music, or jogging in place to burn off tension.

Set and maintain boundaries

Strong, clear boundaries can protect you from toxic family interactions. Imagine you and your spouse are about to visit overbearing in-laws. Talk to your spouse and set a limit on how long the visit will last. You can also set boundaries on conversation topics. If you and your in-laws have had heated arguments over religion, it might be best to steer clear of the topic.

If someone attempts to cross your boundaries, keep your temper in check. Instead, be clear and direct about the consequence. For example, you could say something like: "If you keep bringing up that topic, I'll be leaving early."

Build your emotional intelligence (EQ)

By strengthening your emotional intelligence, you can improve your ability to understand, manage, and express emotions. This can have a positive effect not just on your family relationships but on your overall mental health.

To enhance your EQ, you need to focus on four key skills:

Self-management

Self-awareness

Social awareness

Relationship management

You can develop these skills by taking steps such as using mindfulness to assess your emotional state and nonverbal cues. Read Improving Family Relationships with Emotional Intelligence for more strategies.

Change your focus

Be willing to acknowledge your family member's strengths as well as their flaws. Perhaps your sibling is confrontational and demanding, but at least they're always willing to help finance family events. Or maybe your mother-in-law is overly critical of you but always supportive of your children.

Practice empathy

Acknowledge that a difficult family member might be going through rough circumstances of their own. From personal insecurities to substance addiction or mental illness, certain underlying factors could be fueling your family member's behavior.

Although these factors don't excuse the behavior, by being more empathetic you might gain a better understanding of the person and why they act the way they do.

Use conflict resolution skills

Conflict resolution skills can come in handy anytime you're dealing with family drama. These skills involve managing stress in the moment, being aware of both your own emotions and the other person's, and prioritizing resolution over winning the argument.

You might notice that an aging parent is lashing out due to a feeling of declining independence. A deescalating step might be to ask them to do you a favor or give them a task that allows them to feel needed.
[Read: Conflict Resolution Skills]
Limit expectations and practice acceptance

Make peace with the fact that some people have viewpoints or priorities that may never match your own. Your adult children, siblings, or parents will do what they feel is right for them, and you can't control their behavior. Try to treasure the relationship for what it is, or focus on other relationships that bring you joy.

When to cut ties with family members

At what point is a dysfunctional family relationship no longer worth saving? That may depend on different factors.

What's the potential for change? The other person must be willing to acknowledge the problem and work to change. Some people don't want to change, and you can't control their behavior. If you're dealing with a narcissistic family member, their inflated self-image, lack of empathy, and manipulative ways can hinder any meaningful progress.

How severe is the conflict? In cases of abuse, it's usually advisable to cut ties with the family member. Remember that abuse doesn't necessarily have to be physical. People who subject you to verbal, emotional, or psychological abuse can also harm your sense of well-being. This could include a father-in-law who aims to humiliate you or siblings who use guilt-tripping to manipulate you.

Dealing with doubts

Cutting ties means ending contact with the difficult family member, which is not always easy. You might repeatedly question your decision or have a hard time accepting that the relationship is unsalvageable.

Keep a list of specific reasons why you've decided to end contact. Did the person cross your boundaries too many times? Did the stress of your interactions negatively affect other areas of your life? Write it all down, so you don't forget.

How to deal with the grief of ending a relationship

Depending on how close you were to the family member, you may need to take time to grieve the loss of the relationship.

Rather than suppress your feelings, identify and acknowledge them. It's normal to experience anything from anger to sadness to guilt following the end of a relationship. You should also expect grief to intensify on days that remind you of the family member, such as birthdays or holidays.

Talk to friends and other family members about the situation. Now is a good time to reach out for support. Tell the supportive people in your life what you need from them. You might even strengthen bonds with other family members.

Maintain your hobbies and health. Continue to engage in activities you love, and look after your physical healthy by exercising regularly, getting enough sleep, and eating nutritious foods. Don't use drugs or alcohol to cope with your negative feelings.

Moving forward

Over time, people's behaviors and circumstances can change. So, know that cutting off ties doesn't necessarily have to be permanent. If you see evidence that your family member is truly willing to make amends, there may be a chance of reconciliation.

Don't rush reconciliation, though. You should both accept that the process may take time and requires concrete steps for improving the relationship. With a combination of patience and improved communication, you might be able to repair that broken bond and move forward with a healthier relationship.

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.title
Dealing with Difficult Family Relationships - HelpGuide.org

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.description
love & friendship Mothers, fathers, siblings-your closest family members can form a lifelong social support system. They can celebrate your highs and give you comfort when you're at your lows. Even so, disagreements and misunderstandings are bound to happen. Minor conflicts between family members are normal, and they typically resolve on their own or with some constructive dialogue.

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.readable_text
Relationships with parents and families: how they change in adolescence

Teenagers' relationships with their parents and families change during adolescence, but teenagers need parent and family support as much as they did when they were younger.

When your child was young, your role was to nurture and guide them. Now you might be finding that your relationship with your child is becoming more equal.

You're a source of care, emotional support, security and safety for your child, as well as practical and financial help. Your child still loves you and wants you to be involved in their life - even though their attitude or behaviour might sometimes send a different message.

Most young people and their families have some ups and downs during these years, but things usually improve by late adolescence as children become more mature. And family relationships tend to stay strong right through.

Why pre-teens and teenagers need parents and families

Adolescence can be a difficult time - your child is going through rapid physical changes as well as emotional ups and downs. Young people aren't always sure where they fit, and they're still trying to work it out. Adolescence can also be a time when peer influences cause some stress.

During this time your family is a secure emotional base where your child feels loved and accepted, no matter what's going on in the rest of their life. Your family can build and support your child's confidence, resilience, optimism and identity.

When your family sets rules, boundaries and standards of behaviour, you give your child a sense of consistency, predictability, safety and belonging.

And believe it or not, your life experiences and knowledge can be really useful to your child - they just might not always want you to know it!

Supportive and close family relationships protect your child from risky behaviour like alcohol and other drug use and problems like depression. Your support and interest in what your child is doing at school can boost their desire to do well academically too.

Strong family relationships can go a long way towards helping your child grow into a well-adjusted, considerate and caring adult.

Building positive family relationships with teenagers: tips

The ordinary, everyday things that families do together can build and strengthen relationships with teenagers. These tips might help you and your family.

Love and appreciation
Show your child how much you love and appreciate them. This can be as simple as saying 'I love you' each night when they go to bed or giving them a high-five.

Celebrate your child's accomplishments
Celebrating your child's accomplishments, sharing their disappointments, and supporting their hobbies sends the message that your child's interests are important to you. You don't have to make a big deal of this - sometimes it's just a matter of showing up to watch your child play sport or music, or giving them a lift to extracurricular activities.

Family traditions
Family traditions, routines and rituals can help you and your child set aside regular dates and special times. For example, you might have a movie night together, a favourite meal or cooking session on a particular night, a family games afternoon or an evening walk together.

Family rules
Agreed-on rules, limits and consequences give teenagers a sense of security, structure and predictability. They help your child know what standards apply in your family, and what will happen if they push the boundaries. When your child is involved in making your family rules, they're more likely to see them as fair and stick to them. Negotiating rules with your child can also help you to reduce and manage conflict with your child.

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.title
Relationships with parents and families: pre-teens and teenagers

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.description
Teenagers need parents and families for love and support. Strengthen family relationships for teens with family meals, activities, rules and responsibilities.

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.readable_text
Healthy families

What do these look like?

In healthy family relationships, people trust and rely on each other for support, love, affection and warmth. Families often share common goals and work together to reach those goals (for example, children and young people may help their families get the dinner dishes done so that everyone can relax).

Family members feel safe and connected to one another. Sometimes these relationships involve conflict, which is a normal part of family life. Conflict can occur between adults, children and young people. In healthy relationships, these conflicts are dealt with in a safe and respectful way.

Healthy family relationships mean that positive interactions outnumber the difficult times. Adults experiencing difficult life situations can provide learning opportunities in teaching and modelling coping strategies - children and young people shouldn't be burdened with stress, but it's helpful for them to see families successfully managing it with positive coping strategies.

The key qualities of a strong family unit identified by Australians in the Family Strengths Research Project were:

communication - listening to each other and communicating with openness and honesty

togetherness - sharing similar values and beliefs that create a sense of belonging and bonding

sharing activities - spending time together doing things they enjoy (for example, sports, reading, camping or playing games)

affection - showing affection and care regularly through words, hugs, kisses and thoughtfulness

support - offering and asking for support, with family members knowing they will receive help, encouragement and reassurance from one another

acceptance - understanding, respecting and appreciating each family member's unique qualities

commitment - seeing family wellbeing as a first priority and acting accordingly with commitment and loyalty

resilience - being able to tolerate difficulties and adapt to changing situations in positive ways.

The biggest challenges in family relationships were highlighted as communication breakdown, parenting issues and difficult relationship dynamics.

Risk factors in families

There are many reasons why some individuals are more vulnerable than others to developing behavioural difficulties and mental health issues. Risk factors for children and young people are things that increase the likelihood of mental health issues developing.

Risk factors within the family include:

family conflict, instability or separation

lack of involvement with children and young people, or inconsistent parenting

family violence, child abuse or neglect

mental health issues or substance abuse

a serious illness or disability

financial difficulties.

Protective factors in families

Protective factors decrease the chance of an individual experiencing mental health issues. These are related to good outcomes for children and young people, and serve to protect them if they're exposed to risk.

Protective factors within the family include:

strong and stable family relationships - for example, consistent, caring relationships

supportive parenting - for example, being available to listen to and talk with children and young people

strong family values for example, a shared understanding of how to treat others

consistency in routines and limits - for example, responding the same way to children or young people's behaviour.

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.description
Healthy family relationships and safe and supportive home environments are central to children and young people's development and wellbeing.

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.readable_text
Families can be a life-giving force when they are healthy and relatively stress-free. When healthy, they can be one constant you can count on-so much so that a healthy family relationship can positively impact your health and well-being.

Strong family relationships also provide comfort, guidance, and strength that you can draw on in times of stress. Likewise, they provide a sense of belonging and unconditional love you are not likely to find anywhere else.

Benefits of Health Family Relationships

Strong family relationships can:

Help individuals cope with stress

Improve self-esteem

Increase well-being

Encourage people to engage in healthy behaviors

Provide social support

Create a foundation for healthy, trusting relationships with others

Allows people to feel secure and loved

Encourage the development of values and personal responsibility

But when these relationships are unhealthy or stress-filled, they can feel exhausting and emotionally draining. A highly-conflicted or toxic family relationship can cause a lot of damage. Not only do these unhealthy relationships deprive you of support, but they also can create additional stress, conflict, and even health issues.

For instance, research indicates that 10% to 30% of children grow up in families where their health and well-being are endangered or weakened by unhealthy family relationships.

What Makes a Family Healthy

Generally, people depend on their families in times of crisis for emotional and practical support. Sometimes they even depend on them for support when they're experiencing a financial crisis.

The family is a constant in a person's life. Families also carry your history and share your future. Who better than siblings, parents, and other close relatives to reminisce with about your childhood?

This connection to fond memories, support in times of need, and unconditional love is the unique way that families can bring happiness, stress relief, and a sense of well-being.

According to researchers, strong families all have six qualities in common.﻿﻿ These qualities include appreciation/affection, commitment, positive communication, time together, strong coping skills, and spiritual well-being. Here's a closer look at each.

Appreciation and Affection

Healthy families help one another when they need it. They also keep their promises, support one another, and show affection when they are together. A warm embrace, a squeeze of the hand, or a pat on the back all are gestures that speak love and support to one another.

Commitment

Healthy families are loyal, supportive, and committed. They find it easy to trust one another with the details of their lives. They also share responsibilities and make decisions together and are there for you when you need them. No one has your back like your family.

Positive Communication

Healthy families often share regular meals together and enjoy talking about their lives and their experiences. What's more, criticisms, putdowns, name-calling, and other types of emotional abuse are rare.

Instead, families encourage and build one another up.

Time Together

Typically, healthy families have fun when they are together, smiling and laughing often. Whether their time is planned or spontaneous, strong families enjoy being around one another. They also share one another's interests and passions.

Strong Coping Skills

Resilience is a hallmark of healthy families. While dealing with a challenge or a crisis is never easy, healthy families encourage one another to remain strong and hopeful. They often look for the good in a bad situation and accept the things they cannot change. Going through a crisis together makes their bonds even stronger.

Spiritual Well-Being

Healthy families usually have positive outlooks on life. They also are filled with thankfulness and gratitude. Typically, these families share common values and may even share the same spiritual or religious beliefs.

Even if they do not agree on everything, healthy families are kind and respectful of other opinions.

Coping With Common Family Issues

Unfortunately, family relationships are so complex, they're not always easy to navigate. In fact, dealing with difficult family members is downright hard.

And even though it may be better for your stress level and your health to eliminate strained relationships from your life, it's not always that simple when difficult people are related to you. To keep conflict at bay and reduce stress, check out these tips on dealing with common family issues.

Focus on Healthy Communication

Conflict is virtually inevitable in any relationship, but there are healthy ways of dealing with it. For instance, if you know that you and your family member disagree over religion or politics, try to stick to more neutral topics. Likewise, if your family member has some negative traits that really rub you the wrong way, focus on the positives instead.

Listening and being empathetic whenever you can is especially important as well. But don't be a doormat either. It's fine to be assertive and let family members know when they have crossed a line.

And, if the conversation is spiraling out of control, know when to take a timeout. With a little hard work, you may be able to have a respectful conversation with your family members, even when you don't see eye to eye.

Be Authentic

When people get together with their families of origin, it is not uncommon to revert to old behavior patterns. But if you've grown beyond these old roles and they no longer reflect who you are, don't be afraid to be who you are now. It may take some hard work to stay true to yourself, but in the end, you will be glad you did.

When family members mention how much you have changed or tell you they miss the old you, don't feel obligated to be that person again, especially if you changed for a reason.

For instance, if you were once a heavy drinker and the life of the party, it might be hard for family members to adjust to seeing you without a drink in your hand. But they will get used to it.

You don't have to sacrifice who you are now to make other people feel comfortable. This is called people-pleasing and it's an unhealthy habit to fall into.

Address Family Prejudices

Typically, prejudices arise from a misguided or learned belief that certain groups of people need to be treated differently or with less respect and consideration. Some common prejudices involve race, ethnicity, religion, gender, and sexual orientation.

When you witness prejudice in family members, it's important to tactfully address it right away. Sometimes family members don't realize that what they are doing or saying is marginalizing and insulting.

Talking about tolerance and acceptance is essential. Just be sure to do it lovingly. If you get emotional, judgmental, or angry, your family members will likely focus on those things instead of hearing what you're saying.

If they are unwilling to be respectful, you may need to establish some boundaries with them. Being family doesn't give them the right to disrespect you, a significant other, or anyone else.

Deal With Family Drama

Sometimes families are filled with gossiping, backstabbing, and other types of relational drama. When this happens, it is best to shut it down or stay out of it altogether. Nothing good comes from throwing shade, talking behind people's backs, and pitting people against one another.

Even if you don't participate in the drama, just listening to the mean words communicates that you might condone it. Instead, try redirecting the conversation or walking away. You also can be more direct and indicate that you are not comfortable with the conversation.

The key is to let your family member know that you don't want to be part of the drama.

Address Adult Sibling Rivalry and Jealousy

Sibling relationships are complex, but even more so if sibling rivalry or jealousy exists. In fact, adult sibling rivalry can cause strained relationships, where siblings argue and struggle to get along.

If you feel your relationship with your family is strained because your parents favor another sibling, you may be surprised to find that you're not alone.

Try not to take perceived favoritism personally or allow it to impact your relationship with the family. While it may appear your parent is closer to your sibling, this does not mean that it is true or that your parent loves that sibling more than you. And whatever you do, do not perpetuate these feelings by competing with your sibling.

Recap

You can cope with common family issues by improving communication, being authentic, addressing prejudices, and managing family drama or jealousy.

How to Get Help

Dysfunctional families can take a toll on individual health, but there are steps you can take to address serious problems in the family unit. Family therapy is a type of treatment that focuses on mending relationships, improving communication, and helping each family member understand their place and impact on the rest of the family.

There are also specific types of family therapy, such as:

In many cases, therapists may draw on various techniques and traditions to address a family's specific needs. If you think your family would benefit from therapy, talk to your doctor for a referral.

While therapy is often most effective when all members participate, this is not always possible. If other family members are unwilling or able to attend therapy, you will also benefit from talking to a therapist on your own.

A Word From Verywell

While you cannot control the types of relationships you have with your family members, you can create greater harmony in your relationships. Work toward strengthening and improving your family relationships. Be open, honest, and empathetic, but don't be afraid to set boundaries with toxic or abusive family members. You are not required to endure abuse just because you're related.

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.title
How to Manage Stress by Minimizing Family Drama

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.description
Healthy family dynamics lead to greater happiness, support, and stress relief. Learn more about how to build healthy family relationships and address common issues.

# data[].attributes.attachment_caption
Family Relationships: Parents, stepparents, grandparents, and guardians

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.readable_text
Many girls have fights or tough times with the adults in their families. They can still have amazing relationships with those adults. Keep reading to learn about:

Talking with parents or guardians top

As you get older, your relationship with your parents or guardians changes. You may want more privacy or independence, for example. That's natural, but you can still stay connected.

Making time to talk can help strengthen your connections. You might just talk about simple, everyday things or talk while doing something fun together. Being in the habit of talking about small things may make it easier to talk about harder subjects.

If you want to share how you feel about something, it can be easier if you use "I statements." That means you say things like "I feel..." instead of criticizing the other person. Also, if you want something, try to ask politely. (Making demands is not very polite - or very effective.)

If you need to raise a tough topic, keep in mind that your parents or guardians were young once, too. They may have faced very similar issues. Plus, they probably will appreciate your honesty and bravery in coming to them.

If you don't like your family's rules, ask if you can discuss them. Sometimes, parents are willing to change certain rules, especially if you show you can be responsible.

Learn more about talking to parents and other adults.

Arguing with parents or guardians top

Parents and teens disagree and argue at times, even though they love each other. Check out tips below for how to handle fights.
Tips for handling fights with parents

Talk about the rules. Ask the reasons behind a rule so you can understand it. Consider sharing how a rule makes you feel. Ask if your parents or guardians will consider your ideas about what the rules should be.

Follow the rules. Keep to your curfew if you have one. Call if you're going to be late, so your parents or guardians don't worry. If you follow the rules, your parents or guardians may be more likely to discuss them. If you don't follow the rules, you'll likely just get in trouble.

Pick your battles. Cleaning your room is no fun, but it's most likely not worth fighting about.

Spend time with your family. Some teens fight with their parents or guardians over how much time they spend with friends. Talk it over, and make some special family time. You might go for a walk or have dinner together.

Try to stay calm. Don't yell or stomp your feet when your parents or guardians say no. If you listen and speak calmly, you may show them that you are growing up.

After an argument, think about what happened. Consider your part in the problem, and apologize. Talk about how you might prevent similar fights in the future.

Handling challenging times top

Lots of teens face some really scary family issues, like illness and divorce. Over time, they usually feel better. Here are some ways you can feel better, too.
Running away
Are fights at home so bad that you are thinking of leaving? Learn more about how running away can be dangerous.

Think of ways you can cope, like going for a walk, doing something creative, or talking to a friend. Stay away from things like drugs and drinking, since they only make problems worse.

If you need support from outside your family, talk to a trusted adult, such as a teacher, religious leader, or school counselor. You also can contact a 24-hour crisis text line and a helpline for kids and teens.

Keep reading for information on coping in some specific situations.

Do you take care of someone in your family? For tips on how to deal, check out our information foryoung caregivers.

Are you struggling because your parents are getting divorced? Remember, divorce is never a kid's fault. With time and support, you can adjust to the changes you're facing. Learn about dealing with divorce.

Does your parent or other relative have an illness or disability? Check out our section for relatives of people withillnesses or disabilities.

Do you have a relative in the military? Having a relative in the military can be scary and upsetting. Read more about military life.

Is your family having money problems? You can't solve your family's money worries, but you might suggest that your family look at a helpfulwebsite.

Does your parent have a drug or alcohol problem? If your parent has an addiction, you may feel scared or worried. Learn more about having anaddicted parent.

Few things in life are harder than the death of a close relative. In the video below, one young woman talks about the loss of her mom. If you are dealing with a loss, you can read more about how to handle grief.

Watch this video.
Getting along with stepparents top

A new stepparent can bring up lots of feelings. Even if you like your stepparent, you may feel sad, worried, or upset at times.

Here are some tips that can help:

Accept your feelings. It's natural to have feelings like confusion, anger, and guilt when a parent remarries. Don't worry that there's something wrong with you if you have any (or all) of these feelings!

Sort through your feelings. Keeping a journal might help. Friends who have gone through a similar situation may also be able to offer tips.

Talk honestly. If you don't like any new rules or situations, ask calmly and respectfully about changing them. Check outtips for handling conflict.

Get support from your parent or another trusted adult. Adults who care about you really want to help. If it seems too hard to turn to a family member, talk to another adult you trust. If you are struggling, a mental health professional like a school counselor can help.

Try to spend time with your stepparent. This new person is going to be around, and chances are you will be happier if you can find his or her more positive sides.

Keep in mind that with patience - and some hard work - lots of stepfamilies end up feeling very close.

top

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.description
Many girls have fights or tough times with the adults in their families. They can still have amazing relationships with those adults. Keep reading to learn about: As you get older, your relationship with your parents or guardians changes. You may want more privacy or independence, for example.