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Hi, Robert! First off, your word choice was very sophisticated, like when you said empathy, qualities,mocking,huddled, because those are all words that elevate your essay. I also like how you added time stamps, like when you said “At 2:38,” because it helps make your essay better

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Hello Robert! One wish I have for you is you should add a title. This is because I see you don't have one and it would improve your grade and give you an added boost to your paragraph. One other wish I have for you is that you should add one more evidence and explanation. I see you only have one of each and it is required to have 2 of each. One more thing, you should really add more to your sum up sentence but keep it one sentence. You just said “To sum up, that is why the theme is to always be resilient.” and you kind of reworded it but not really.

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Hello Robert, a wish for your paragraph is of course you add an explanation and also evidence i can help people understand your claim. Also you could add some more detail and transition words. Next you might want to explain in more details and help the readers understand what you're trying to say.

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Hello Robert, a wish for your paragraph is of course you add an explanation and also evidence i can help people understand your claim. Also you could add some more detail and transition words. Next you might want to explain in more details and help the readers understand what you're trying to say.

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Hi Robert, a strength in your writing is how your evidence matches your theme to be resilient. I also liked how you stated that you shouldn’t let anything bad get in your way of happiness. Another thing I noticed in your theme analysis paragraph was your unique choice of transition words. You said Indeed, For example, etc. A wish in your theme analysis paragraph is making your piece longer because you only needed evidence and explanation to make your theme analysis paragraph complete.

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Hi Robert! A strength that I found in your ceees paragraph was the really descriptive transition words that you used and all of the really long and sometimes confusing words. Another strength that I found you had was that you can find the best types of evidence. I thought this because the evidence you chose fit in really well with you claim. One wish i have for is to maybe write a bit more than you already wrote i know how you feel becuase id don't write a lot either but I would suggest you do.

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Hi Robert! A strength that I found in your ceees paragraph was the really descriptive transition words that you used and all of the really long and sometimes confusing words. Another strength that I found you had was that you can find the best types of evidence. I thought this because the evidence you chose fit in really well with you claim. One wish i have for is to maybe write a bit more than you already wrote i know how you feel becuase id don't write a lot either but I would suggest you do.

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Hi, Robert! A strength of your theme analysis is the transitions and the word choice you had done. In addition I like how you told and how you wrote your explanations. However a suggestion that I can offer is probably add more sentences rather than just 5 and you gotta add 5 transitions not 4.

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Hey, Robert! 2 factors that i liked about your paragraph was how descriptive it was and how you had many not repetitive transitions. Although i suggest you start having better capitalization.

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Hello, Robert! I really like the topic you wrote about and how much details you provided. One thing that really popped out to me was when you mentioned where you got the evidence and details from. I also really liked how much transition words you used, that made it really pop out and have some true part. Although for my wish, I would make sure that you are putting a space after your periods when you start a new sentence. That really helps the reader understand if the sentence ended or not.

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Hi Robert! I like how you explain the cons and why people creatively give children video games. This shows how you tried your best to make your writing good. In addition this shows how you put creativity and effort into your writing. Instead of writing short sentences, you wrote sentences that made sense to your topic. I think you should maybe check your writing because it was very hard to understand the words you did but in the end, I still realized.

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Hi, so a strength in your essay is your conclusion. In the conclusion you bring up some nice reasons why video games might not be bad for kids. Another strength is your reasons. I think the reasons you have help convince the reader that video game copy;d be good for kids. However I have a few suggestions on making your writing better. One suggestion is to check spelling and grammar so it’s easier for the reader to read. Another suggestion is adding a few more details such as figurative language to help the reader.

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Hi, Robert! A strength of your essay is that you added some statistics towards the end. As you explained your evidence you included statistics which made your explanation stronger. However, a few suggestions that could help your writing to be stronger is, adding proper punctuation, fixing spelling, and adding more details like figurative language and sensory details. I believe that you could have checked over your essay to correct punctuation, and spelling mishaps throughout your essay. By doing that it will make your essay more understandable to the reader. For details, I think you could have added sensory details and figurative language because it would make your peice stronger, and more understandable. In your hook you definitely could have used figurative language and sensory details to make your peace come alive. Since you did not add anecdotes to your explanations, for next time, I would also add figuarative lanuage andf sensory details to your anecdotes.

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Hey, robert! I saw a error with your piece about athletes being paid. The grammar is one of the errors, it really confused me because your structure of words really confused me, as they almost made no sense, the word structure was a 2nd problem, as i was not able to understand 1/3 of it, as the words were nearly all over the place! although your piece was really great at describing scenes, i was perfectly able to picture it. Your reasons were also pretty good, But I recommend your scenes to be possibly a bit “sadder” to hit the reader in the feels (Me.)

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Hi, Robert! I noticed that there were quite a few errors. First, I noticed that the story you wrote does not connect to what the story was originally supposed to be about. I had trouble reading it because it didn’t make a much sense. I also found quite a few spelling and punctuation errors. For example I saw that your punctuation was out of the dialogue in some areas. I also found that in some of the dialouge there was not any punctuation. I also have found some random errors like when you said “.And c” I feel like errors like that could have been avoided if you would have read your story over more carefully. Lastly I saw that near the end there was way to much stuttering, i feel that if you put a bit less stuttering iut could have made the ending better.

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i really liked how at the end you had your character saying like n-n-n-n-o-o-o-o that made me think i was right there.

I also liked Howe you capilized the words like they were screaming at actually because some people would do is “i need money” but you did I NEED money.However i think that you should add more punctuation to your piece.

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One thing i liked about your story was how you implemented a lot of emotions and you were descriptive about the emotions, i also liked how you slowly started to transition to the next day, one thing you can improve on though is mostly trying to make dialogue stay in the quotation marks, as i felt like my brain was having a aneurysm trying to read this, it mostly was all over the place but besides that your piece is solid.

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I loved how your memoir was stated and how much effort you put into this crazy Nickelodeon ride story. I could really envision how you progressed throughout the beginning and the end. In addition I saw how good the format was in your story and how it felt in those moments of your ride. Thought there was a grammar mistake and not talking about a short period of time. I think you would have focused on one small moment to focus on.

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A strength of your memoir “the seat” is how descriptive you were about how cold the bars and how descriptive you were on how everything felt while you rode some rides at American dream. However, one thing you could improve on is going farther in depth about your inner thoughts and emotions while on the rides.

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a strength of your memoir,  was i liked  how you described what everything sounded like And felt like touch wise like when you sat on the seat and you said it was cold i really like that in addition to that i liked how you describe what happened with the ride a what you did after

But i wish you would show what happened more on the inside you no what i mean like what was it like when you got on the ride or like what was it like when you got there

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A strength of your memoir was that you included lots of figurative language. There was figurative language everywhere which is good to spice up your memoir. Another strength was the fact that your piece was long, it wasn’t just a few paragraphs. A wish I have is that your memoir isn’t a small moment. It felt more like a narrative.

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A strength of your memoir was that you included lots of figurative language. There was figurative language everywhere which is good to spice up your memoir. Another strength was the fact that your piece was long, it wasn’t just a few paragraphs. A wish I have is that your memoir isn’t a small moment. It felt more like a narrative.