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ASCD Whole Child

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ASCD Whole Child

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ASCD Whole Child

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ASCD Whole Child

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ASCD Whole Child

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What is the kindergarten readiness checklist?

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What is the kindergarten readiness checklist?

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Busy Toddler

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These are the REAL skills kids need for Kindergarten.

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What should children know to be ready for Kindergarten? It’s not quite as academic as you might think…

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Research finds kids share when it's done by choice

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Research finds kids share when it's done by choice

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Cornell University - Summary: Once children made a difficult decision to give up something for someone else, they were MORE generous, not less, later on.

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For parents, getting kids to share their toys can be a constant battle, and compelling them to hand over their favorite doll or truck rarely works for long. New Cornell research suggests that allowing children to freely choose to give valuable possessions to another leads them to share more in the future.

The findings, by Nadia Chernyak, a graduate student in the field of human development, and Tamar Kushnir, the Evalyn Edwards Milman Assistant Professor of Child Development in the College of Human Ecology, are published in a paper, "Giving Preschoolers Choice Increases Sharing Behavior," in the journal Psychological Science.

Their studies suggest that sharing when given a difficult choice leads children to see themselves in a new, more beneficent light - one that makes them more likely to act in a sharing manner in the future.

"Making difficult choices allows children to infer something important about themselves: In making choices that aren't necessarily easy, children might be able to infer their own prosociality," Chernyak said.

To test this, the researchers introduced 3-5 year-olds to Doggie, a puppet, who was feeling sad. Some of the children were given a difficult choice: Share a precious sticker with Doggie, or keep it for themselves. Other children were given an easy choice between sharing and discarding the sticker, while children in a third group were required by the researcher to share.

Later on, all the children were introduced to Ellie, another sad puppet. They were given the option of how many stickers to share (up to three) to cheer her up. The kids who earlier made the difficult choice to help Doggie shared more stickers with Ellie. The children who were initially confronted with an easy choice or who were required to give their sticker to Doggie, on the other hand, shared fewer stickers with Ellie.

"You might imagine that making difficult, costly choices is taxing for young children or even that once children share, they don't feel the need to do so again," Chernyak said. "But this wasn't the case: Once children made a difficult decision to give up something for someone else, they were more generous, not less, later on."

Another experiment supported these findings, illustrating that children are more generous after choosing to share valuable toy frogs compared to worthless shreds of paper. Those who initially shared the frogs with Doggie shared more stickers with Ellie later on. Those who readily shared the paper, on the other hand, shared fewer stickers with Ellie. Therefore, children did not benefit from the mere act of sharing, but rather from willingly sacrificing something of value.

"Children are frequently taught to share, be polite and be kind to others. In order to bring us closer to figuring out how to best teach children these skills, it is important to know which factors may aid in young children's sharing behavior," Chernyak said. "Allowing children to make difficult choices may influence their sharing behavior by teaching them greater lessons about their abilities, preferences and intentions toward others."

The research was supported by a Cognitive Science Fellowship from Cornell.

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Research finds kids share when it's done by choice | Cornell Chronicle

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For parents, getting kids to share their toys can be a constant battle, and compelling them to hand over their favorite doll or truck rarely works for long. New Cornell research suggests that allowing children to freely choose to give valuable possessions to another leads them to share more in the future.

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PBS

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Helping Children With Sharing | Parenting Tips & Advice

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Sharing is hard for most children. That doesn't mean they are selfish. It just means that it takes a long while to be able to share.

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Understood.com

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Whenever kids face setbacks or go through difficult times, we hope that they're resilient and can quickly "bounce back." We worry about their grades, behavior, and mental health. And we wonder if their challenges will have a long-term impact.

With the pandemic, resilience in kids has become a big concern. Distance learning and being cut off socially has caused more kids than ever to struggle. It's been especially hard on kids who learn and think differently.

The good news is that resilience can be taught - at home and in school. Here's what you need to know about building resilience in kids.

Resilience is a trait that lets kids come away from setbacks with something positive. It's about coping with challenges.

But people often think about it the wrong way. They connect resilience to results - bouncing back or returning to normal. Or to simply getting through tough times.

Kids are resilient when they've learned from setbacks and can start to move forward. They don't need to "triumph" or reach some goal. They also don't need to be strong or upbeat.

Spotting signs of resilience can be tricky, especially if you're focused on a specific measure, like better grades. Signs of resilience can include seeing kids setting new goals for themselves. Or asking for help with a problem.

How to help kids build resilience

Some kids are naturally more resilient than others. But resilience is a trait that can be taught at home and in school. Here are ways to help kids cope with challenges and build resilience:

Acknowledge their feelings. Dealing with difficulty or disappointment isn't fun. Telling kids it's not so bad or that they shouldn't feel upset doesn't make them stronger or help them cope. Instead, help kids recognize and talk about their feelings - even negative ones. Self-awareness is an important part of resilience.

Talk honestly about strengths. It can be hard to look past challenges when you've done poorly at something or are struggling. Help kids see and understand their strengths (without overdoing it). Point out how those strengths have helped in the past. It's good to have this conversation regularly, not just during a setback.

Offer support, but don't jump in. Kids who are resilient come back and try again. They look for solutions. Encourage that behavior by offering help - but not jumping in to fix things. Avoiding challenges doesn't build resilience. Working through them does.

Talk about lessons learned. Kids who learn and think differently often need to practice finding lessons in situations. Talk through what was difficult, and how they tried to handle it. Help them see what they can use from that challenge to make the next one better.

Encourage them to ask for help. Kids need to know that struggling or failing isn't a sign of weakness - and that asking for help is a strength. Ask what they need to get through a situation or to do better at something. Talk about who might be able to help, if it's not you.

Build confidence that things can improve. Believing things can improve with work and that you're not stuck where you are plays a big role in resilience. This way of thinking can be taught. Download activities to practice this skill.

Key takeaways

Resilience is about learning from setbacks.

Understanding their own strengths helps kids build resilience.

Help kids work through challenges, rather than jumping in to fix them.

About the author

About the author

Gail Belsky is executive editor at Understood. She has written and edited for major media outlets, specializing in parenting, health, and career content.

Reviewed by

Reviewed by

Amanda Morin is the author of "The Everything Parent's Guide to Special Education" and the former director of thought leadership at Understood. As an expert and writer, she helped build Understood from its earliest days.

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Whenever kids face setbacks or go through difficult times, we hope that they're resilient and can quickly "bounce back." We worry about their grades, behavior, and mental health. And we wonder if their challenges will have a long-term impact. With the pandemic, resilience in kids has become a big concern.

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Resilience guide for parents and teachers

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Resilience guide for parents and teachers

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American Psychological Association (APA)

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Children's problems include adapting to a new classroom, bullying by classmates, or abuse at home, but resilience is the ability to thrive despite these challenges.

Cite this

American Psychological Association. (2012, January 24). Resilience guide for parents and teachers. https://www.apa.org/topics/resilience/guide-parents-teachers

We tend to idealize childhood as a carefree time, but youth alone offers no shield against the emotional hurts, challenges, and traumas many children face. Children can be asked to deal with problems ranging from adapting to a new classroom or online schooling to bullying by peers or even struggles at home. Add to that the uncertainties that are part of growing up in a complex world, and childhood can be anything but carefree. The ability to thrive despite these challenges arises from the skills of resilience.
The good news is that resilience skills can be learned.
Building resilience-the ability to adapt well to adversity, trauma, tragedy, threats, or even significant sources of stress-can help our children manage stress and feelings of anxiety and uncertainty. However, being resilient does not mean that children won't experience difficulty or distress. Emotional pain, sadness, and anxiety are common when we have suffered major trauma or personal loss, or even when we hear of someone else's loss or trauma.

10 tips for building resilience in children and teens

1. Make connections
Teach your child the importance of engaging and connecting with their peers, including the skill of empathy and listening to others. Find ways to help children foster connectivity by suggesting they connect to peers in-person or through phone, video chats, and texts. It's also important to build a strong family network. Connecting with others provides social support and strengthens resilience.

2. Help your child by having them help others
Children who may feel helpless can feel empowered by helping others. Engage your child in age-appropriate volunteer work or ask for assistance yourself with tasks that they can master. At school, brainstorm with children about ways they can help others in their class or in grades below.

3. Maintain a daily routine
Sticking to a routine can be comforting to children, especially younger children who crave structure in their lives. Work with your child to develop a routine, and highlight times that are for school work and play. Particularly during times of distress or transition, you might need to be flexible with some routines. At the same time, schedules and consistency are important to maintain.

4. Take a break
While some anxiety can motivate us to take positive action, we also need to validate all feelings. Teach your child how to focus on something that they can control or can act on. Help by challenging unrealistic thinking by asking them to examine the chances of the worst case scenario and what they might tell a friend who has those worries. Be aware of what your child is exposed to that can be troubling, whether it's through the news, online, or overheard conversations. Although schools are being held accountable for performance or required to provide certain instruction, build in unstructured time during the school day to allow children to be creative.

5. Teach your child self-care
Teach your child the importance of basic self-care. This may be making more time to eat properly, exercise, and get sufficient sleep. Make sure your child has time to have fun, and participate in activities they enjoy. Caring for oneself and even having fun will help children stay balanced and better deal with stressful times.

6. Move toward your goals
Teach your child to set reasonable goals and help them to move toward them one step at a time. Establishing goals will help children focus on a specific task and can help build the resilience to move forward in the face of challenges. At school, break down large assignments into small, achievable goals for younger children, and for older children, acknowledge accomplishments on the way to larger goals.

7. Nurture a positive self-view
Help your child remember ways they have successfully handled hardships in the past and help them understand that these past challenges help build the strength to handle future challenges. Help your child learn to trust themselves to solve problems and make appropriate decisions. At school, help children see how their individual accomplishments contribute to the wellbeing of the class as a whole.

8. Keep things in perspective and maintain a hopeful outlook
Even when your child is facing very painful events, help them look at the situation in a broader context and keep a long-term perspective. Although your child may be too young to consider a long-term look on their own, help them see that there is a future beyond the current situation and that the future can be good. An optimistic and positive outlook can enable children to see the good things in life and keep going even in the hardest times. In school, use history to show that life moves forward after bad events, and the worst things are specific and temporary.

9. Look for opportunities for self-discovery
Tough times are often when children learn the most about themselves. Help your child take a look at how whatever they're facing can teach them "what am I made of." At school, consider leading discussions of what each student has learned after facing a tough situation.

10. Accept change
Change often can be scary for children and teens. Help your child see that change is part of life and new goals can replace goals that have become unattainable. It is important to examine what is going well, and to have a plan of action for what is not going well. In school, point out how students have changed as they moved up in grade levels and discuss how that change has had an impact on the students.

Resilience and preschool children

Very young children will only recently have mastered the skills of walking and talking, and they may not be able to express their anxieties and fears. Although you may think they are too young to understand what is happening, even very young children can absorb frightening events from the news or from conversations they overhear.

Watch your children for signs of fear and sadness they may not be able to put into words. Have your children become extra clingy or needing more hugs than usual? Have your children started old habits after you thought they had outgrown the behavior? Are they suddenly more irritable? They may be feeling the pressure of what is going on in the world around them. Use play to help your children express their fears and encourage them to use art or pretend games to express what they may not be able to put into words.

Use family time like a security blanket for your children: wrap them up in family closeness and make sure your children have lots of family time. During times of stress and change, spend more time with your children playing games, reading to them, or just holding them close.

Resilience and elementary school children

Elementary school children may be starting to form new friend groups and participate in new activities as they come into their own. As they start to study subjects about the world outside of their homes, they look to teachers as well as to parents to make them feel safe and to help sort it all out.

Make sure your child has a place where they can feel safe, whether that is home or school (ideally, both would feel safe).

Talk to your children. When they have questions, answer them honestly and with reassurance that includes simple statements that let them know you are taking actions to keep them safe and are there to take care of them. Listen to their concerns and fears when they address them with you and let them know you are there for them.

When there is a situation outside of the home that is frightening, limit the amount of news your children watch or listen to. There is always the possibility that they misinterpret what they see or hear on the news. You don't need to hide what's happening in the world from your children, but neither do they have to be exposed to constant stories that fuel their fears. Check in on their understanding of what they have been exposed to.

Realize that extra stressors may heighten normal daily stresses. Your children might normally be able to handle a failed test or teasing, but be understanding that they may respond with anger or bad behavior to stress that normally wouldn't rattle them. Reassure them that you just want what is best for them and that you are there for them.

Resilience and middle school children

Even without larger traumas, middle school can be an especially difficult time for many children as they struggle to meet extra academic demands and avoid new social pitfalls. They look to teachers and friends as well as to parents to make them feel safe.

Reinforce empathy and help your child keep perspective. If your child falls into the shifting of social groups that form in middle school, help them understand that other children may be feeling just as lonely and confused, and help them to see beyond the current situation.

Talk with your child about your own feelings during times of extraordinary stress. Your children may be old enough to appreciate hearing about your own thoughts and feelings, but also the ways in which you cope. Share how the ways you cope are helpful to you, but also find techniques that may benefit your child.

Resilience and high schoolers

Although your teens may tower over you, they still are young and can keenly feel the fear and uncertainty of both the normal stresses of being a teen, as well as events in the world around them. Emotions may be volatile and close to the surface during teen years, and finding the best way to connect to your teen can be difficult.

Talk with them whenever you can, even if it seems they don't want to talk. Sometimes the best time to talk may be when you are in the car together; sometimes it may be when you are doing chores together, allowing your teen to focus on something else while they talk. When they have questions, answer them honestly but with reassurance. Ask them their opinion about what is happening and listen to their answers.

Find a place that your teen can create as their safe place, whether it's their bedroom or somewhere they find comfort. In high school, emotions can intensify, and rejection, taunting, or bullying can also be present. A space of their own can serve as a constant and a place for them to have as their own. Your children may prefer to be with their friends rather than spend time with you, but be ready to provide lots of family time for them when they need it and set aside family time that includes their friends.

When stressful things are happening in the world at large, encourage your teen to take "news breaks," whether they are getting news from the television, magazines or newspapers, or online. Use what they're seeing and hearing as a catalyst for discussion. Teens may act like they feel immortal, but at bottom they still want to know that everything will be ok. Having honest discussions of your fears and expectations can help your high schooler learn to express their own fears. If your teen struggles with words, encourage them to use journaling or art to express emotions.

Many teens are already feeling extreme highs and lows because of hormonal levels in their bodies; added stress or trauma can make these shifts seem more extreme. Be understanding of feelings and emotions, but also be firm when teens respond to stress with angry or sullen behavior. Reassure your child that they will be ok and you are looking out for their best interest

The journey of resilience

Developing resilience is a personal journey, and you should use your knowledge of your own children to guide them on their journey. An approach to building resilience that works for you or your child might not work for someone else.

If your child seems stuck or overwhelmed and unable to use these tips, you may want to consider talking to someone who can help, such as a psychologist or other mental health professional. Turning to someone for guidance may help your child strengthen resilience and persevere during times of stress or trauma.

Acknowledgments

APA gratefully acknowledges the following experts: Mary K. Alvord, PhD, Robin Gurwitch, PhD, Jana Martin, PhD, and Ronald S. Palomares, PhD.

Information presented here should not be used as a substitute for professional health and mental health care or consultation. Individuals who believe they may need or benefit from care should consult a psychologist or other licensed health/mental health professional.

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Screen time and children: How to guide your child

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Screen time and children: How to guide your child

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With screens virtually everywhere, monitoring a child's screen time can be challenging. To complicate matters, some screen time can be educational and support children's social development. So how do you manage your child's screen time? Here's a primer on guiding your child's use of screens and media.

The problems with screens

Too much screen time and regular exposure to poor-quality programming has been linked to:

Obesity

Inadequate sleep schedules and insufficient sleep

Behavior problems

Delays in language and social skills development

Violence

Attention problems

Less time learning

Keep in mind that unstructured playtime is more valuable for a young child's developing brain than is electronic media. Children younger than age 2 are more likely to learn when they interact and play with parents, siblings, and other children and adults.

By age 2, children may benefit from some types of screen time, such as programming with music, movement and stories. By watching together, you can help your child understand what he or he is seeing and apply it in real life. However, passive screen time shouldn't replace reading, playing or problem-solving.

Developing screen time rules

The American Academy of Pediatrics discourages media use, except for video chatting, by children younger than 18 months. If you introduce digital media to children ages 18 to 24 months, make sure it's high quality and avoid solo media use. For children ages 2 to 5, limit screen time to one hour a day of high-quality programming.

As your child grows, a one-size-fits-all approach doesn't work as well. You'll need to decide how much media to let your child use each day and what's appropriate.

Consider applying the same rules to your child's real and virtual environments. In both, play with your child, teach kindness, be involved, and know your child's friends and what your child does with them. Also, keep in mind that the quality of the media your child is exposed to is more important than the type of technology or amount of time spent.

To ensure quality screen time:

Preview programs, games and apps before allowing your child to view or play with them. Organizations such as Common Sense Media has programming ratings and reviews to help you determine what's appropriate for your child's age. Better yet, watch, play or use them with your child.

Seek out interactive options that engage your child, rather than those that just require pushing and swiping or staring at the screen.

Use parental controls to block or filter internet content.

Make sure your child is close by during screen time so that you can supervise his or her activities.

Ask your child regularly what programs, games and apps he or she has played with during the day.

When watching programming with your child, discuss what you're watching and educate your child about advertising and commercials.

Also, avoid fast-paced programming, which young children have a hard time understanding, violent content and apps with a lot of distracting content. Eliminate advertising on apps, since young children have trouble telling the difference between ads and factual information.

Setting limits for older children

Establish clear rules and set reasonable limits for your child's use of digital media. Consider these tips:

Encourage unplugged, unstructured playtime.

Create tech-free zones or times, such as during mealtime or one night a week.

Discourage use of media entertainment during homework.

Set and enforce daily or weekly screen time limits and curfews, such as no exposure to devices or screens one hour before bedtime.

Consider using apps that control the length of time a child can use a device.

Keep screens out of your child's bedroom and consider requiring your children to charge their devices outside of their bedrooms at night.

Eliminate background TV.

Encouraging digital literacy

At some point your child will be exposed to content that you haven't approved and devices without internet filters. Talk to your child about the situations that could occur and the behavior you expect.

Encourage your child to think critically about what they see on their screens. Ask your child to consider whether everything on the internet is accurate. Does your child know how to tell if a website is trustworthy? Help your child understand that media are made by humans with points of view. Explain that many types of technology collect data to send users ads or to make money.

Teaching appropriate behavior

Online relationships and social media have become a major part of adolescent life. Experts suggest that it's OK for your teen to be a part of these worlds - as long as your child understands appropriate behavior. Explain what's allowed and what's not, such as sexting, cyberbullying and sharing personal information online. Teach your child not to send or share anything online that he or she would not want the entire world to see for eternity.

No matter how smart or mature you feel your child is, monitor his or her online and social media behavior. Your child is bound to make mistakes using media. Talk to your child and help him or her learn from them.

Also, set a good example. Consider that your child is watching you for cues on when it's OK to use screens and how to use them.

You'll likely need to continue to guide, manage and monitor your child's use of screens and media as he or she grows. But by developing household rules - and revisiting them as your child grows - you can help ensure a safe experience.

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Show references

1. Beyond screen time: A parent's guide to media use. American Academy of Pediatrics. https://publications.aap.org/patiented/article/doi/10.1542/peo_document099/79942/Beyond-Screen-Time-A-Parent-s-Guide-to-Media-Use. Accessed Dec. 9, 2021.

2. Ratings: Making healthy media choices. American Academy of Pediatrics. https://publications.aap.org/patiented/article/doi/10.1542/peo_document083/80048/Ratings-Making-Healthy-Media-Choices. Accessed Dec. 9, 2021.

3. Screen time and children. American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry. https://www.aacap.org/AACAP/Families_and_Youth/Facts_for_Families/FFF-Guide/Children-And-Watching-TV-054.aspx. Accessed Dec. 9, 2021.

4. Stigilic N, et al. Effects of screentime on the health and well-being of children and adolescents: A systematic review of reviews. BMJ Open. 2019; doi:10.1136/bmjopen-2018-023191.

5. Altmann T, et al., eds. Media. In: Caring for Your Baby and Young Child: Birth to Age 5. 7th ed. Bantam; 2019.

6. Flais SV, ed. Media. In: Caring for Your School-Age Child: Ages 5 to 12. 3rd ed. Bantam; 2018.

7. Madigan S, et al. Associations between screen use and child language skills: A systematic review and meta-analysis. JAMA Pediatrics. 2020; doi: 10.1001/jamapediatrics.2020.0327.

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American Academy of Pediatrics guide for parents with resources to support healthy media consumption

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Media and Children Overview

Today's children are spending an average of seven hours a day on entertainment media, including televisions, computers, phones and other electronic devices. Meanwhile, advertising aimed at children is no longer confined to TV commercials and product placement in movies. Today, children are exposed to messages from social media influencers, hidden ads in video games, data collection across many platforms, virtual reality encounters with strangers in games and targeted social media advertisements that are intended to make children take action. It's no wonder that parents come to pediatricians with so many questions. It also underscores the importance of the need for continued research on the impact of media on children's health and useful resources that help improve a pediatrician's ability to counsel families on the healthy use of media in all forms.

Once such resource is the Family Media Plan . Designed to help families make wise media choices, the AAP recommends that parents and caregivers develop a plan that takes into account the health, education and entertainment needs of each individual child as well as the whole family; and then follow the family media plan together, revising it when necessary.

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Information to help pediatricians understand and communicate about the impact media has in our children's lives, while offering tips on managing time spent with various media.