# data[].attributes.body
1. I showed how what Christ humbly did for me on the cross has changed my life, and what that means in terms of the way I live.

2. I got feedback saying that in the beginning of my essay, I could've been more vulnerable.

# data[].attributes.body
1. I showed that the sickness I struggled/that defined me for a long time no longer has that power over me. I've learned that it doesn't identify me.

2. A little bit of wording-took revisions into account

-also rephrased the ending

# data[].attributes.body
1. I showed personal growth with my mindset toward learning. By describing a time that I felt inadequate and discouraged, I was able to show personal growth with how I handled that. I believe that I can add more personal growth by expanding that situation.

2. I can work on my transitions between paragraphs. When I was trying to add a personal story, I found it difficult to get to it smoothly. I can do this by adding connecting ideas in both paragraphs.

# data[].attributes.body
1. i showed personal growth by sharing how i have come to realize that my twin brother Matthew has been the most influential person in my life and how he has shaped the person i am today

2. the biggest thing I need to work on is showing not telling. i am going to add a few little stories that show the point i am trying to make

# data[].attributes.body
1. I showed growth in how I went from thinking that traveling was just good memories to realizing that there are bad memories too. I do this by describing memories in different countries, and showing how in each one, I don't only remember good but the bad too, and how the bad taught me lessons. Also in the memories I show how traveling helped me appreciate the diversity in the world more.

2. I need to work on clarifying the "So What" and "personal growth" parts of the essay. I will do that by clarifying in the introduction the points I am trying to make, by adding to it, which will connect to the memories in the body paragraphs.

# data[].attributes.body
1. I showed my growth in my relationship with my grandpa and how he taught me how to be an effective leader along with being a man.

2. I need to add more specific examples of how Grandpa taught me along with examples of how I was able to apply it into my life.

# data[].attributes.body
1. I showed a little personal development through my love and passion for volleyball. I think I let the reader into my mind by expressing my love for the details and mechanics of the sport.

2. I think I struggled with using a variety of sentence structures and I need to show not tell about my personal development through volleyball.

# data[].attributes.body
1. In this essay I showed how hard and not fun (for lack of a better word) life can be. I contrasted the reality displayed in film verses the normal person's actual reality by using my love for movies to convey this. I talked about how once we realize this poorly displayed reality in film we can use that to change our mindsets about our reality.

2. I want to work on my writing craft and so what moment by finding more descriptive words to use and also crafting sentences more intentionally.

# data[].attributes.body
1. I showed personal growth by sharing how I finally realized how important the impact that a few people had on me. And how their impact played a major role in my life.

2. I need to have better punctuation. I will do this by going back through my essay, revising it, and taking the comments from the revisers.

# data[].attributes.body
1. I showed personal growth by showing my development from being a bad kid to very lukewarm behavior where I didn't do anything bad or anything good, to genuinely caring about people and their well being

2. I need to elaborate certain parts of my essay to develop the story more, and I need to switch up some sentence structure.

# data[].attributes.body
1. Through this narrative, I showed personal growth in finding out what I wanted to do with my life. I was vulnerable in recognizing my desire to solve problems and grew in finding out what I wanted to do.

2. I need to work on varying sentence styles and not starting all of my sentences with "I." There were also specific grammatical and punctuation errors I can fix

# data[].attributes.body
1. I showed growth in my relationship with my teacher using different types of interactions we had. I showed how she shaped me and taught me.

2. Personal Growth: I mostly got feedback on my final paragraph, because it ended too quickly. I plan to take out unnecessary details from earlier paragraphs to make room for more elaboration on my final paragraph. Vocab: I got feedback on using a little more creativity. I plan to change up some sentence patterns and take out vague words to create a better mental image.

# data[].attributes.body
1. I wrote about my favorite teacher mentoring me and helping me grow. I think I showed personal growth in being independent and changing to a more positive mindset.

2. I need to work on my sentence structures and adding more details. I will fix this by explaining more than showing how Mr. Moore helped me.

# data[].attributes.body
1. I showed some personal growth in how I began to appreciate the simplicity of nature and life

2. I need to work on the ending more, it's a little abrupt and maybe add more sensory detail and specific stories

# data[].attributes.body
1. I showed personal growth by describing how a specific experience sparked my interest in becoming a dietitian.

2. I need to work on my vocabulary and writing craft. I plan on doing this by fixing the grammatical errors in my essay.

# data[].attributes.body
1. I showed growth through the story by figuring out what I wanted to be, and why I wanted to do that.

2. I need to work on my writing craft. Just clear up the rough spots in it and make sure everything is grammatically correct. I also need to rephrase some spots to show better clarity and use better vocabulary.

# data[].attributes.body
1. I showed my growing appreciation for my dad as he raised me. From beginning to end I show how my love for my dad went beyond him just providing for me, it was a love for the many sacrifices he made.

2. I need to do some cutting and adding to change how my story is focused a little to much on me when it is about my dad and what he has done.

# data[].attributes.body
1. I demonstrated how I used to lack any empathy for others or care about what impacted them. Through other people showing me compassion, it changed my heart and encouraged me to take a stand and defend the voiceless.

2. I needed to rearrange and make the lists more clear and less wordy and repetitive. I also reorganized one paragraph to come before another instead of after so it made a bit more sense.

# data[].attributes.body
1. I show growth in family, adventure, and flexibility. I revealed this by showing the life lessons camping has taught me, describing how trips have deepened my connections with family and friends, and connecting my past memories to the person I am today.

2. I need to work on showing more depth and allowing for connection. I plan to do this my including more sensory details and a specific memory from my childhood.

# data[].attributes.headline
Plans for Revision Essay #3 - Izzy Grosskopf

# data[].attributes.subject
Plans for Revision Essay #3 - Izzy Grosskopf

# data[].attributes.body
1. In my essay, I demonstrated personal growth through my experience as a junior president of an organization. I wrote about the problems that arose after some decisions I made, and how I built communication and collaboration skills in order to resolve them.

2. I received feedback on the way my essay progressed. I started off showing instead of telling very well, but I started to "tell" way more towards the end of my essay. To improve, I will make more of my essay a dialogue and specific story-based essay that implies growth, instead of telling a story and stating how I grew from it.

# data[].attributes.body
1. I believe that I showed personal growth through explaining how I previously dismissed the idea of being an elementary teacher but then changed/ discovered that was the career I actually wanted to pursue.

2. I need to work on expressing vulnerability to show the reader how my emotions were involved in the decision (I didn't just randomly change my mind one day).

# data[].attributes.body
1. I showed a little bit of personal growth by sharing my views on abortion and why I have the beliefs that I do.

2. I need to work on showing more vulnerability and personal growth by describing an experience that connects with abortion. I need to add more detail to give the reader a better idea of who I am.

# data[].attributes.body
Put your name at the top of a padlet.

1. Based on personal knowledge of the intent of your essay writing, what personal growth did you show through your narrative, and how did you show it?

2. What is one or two areas on the rubric that you received peer feedback on, that you are going to work on? How do you specifically plan on achieving that?