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The official website of English journalist​, radio presenter and former assistant editor of The Times Mary Ann Sieghart.

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Do you have a hard time voicing your thoughts at work even when you want to? You’re not alone. The important thing to remember is that your lack of confidence is not an inherent flaw, and these limitations don’t have to define you. Confidence can be learned and practiced. Step 1: Connect with yourse…

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Whatever topic you need to explore, find our latest and most relevant resources, guides, case studies, viewpoints and research evidence.

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Reading about what other people have experienced (and learned) from their career journeys is a great way to realise that challenges don't define us - it's what we do with them that counts!
Here at King's Careers, we believe mistakes we make are valuable lessons that help us grow both professionally and personally. Whether you're discovering career options and looking to gain confidence and find your career plan, whether you're already working on building your skills ahead of work experience, or whether you're already action-ready and diving into the working world, there's great benefit in developing a growth mindset.

These seven career mistake stories show us that mistakes big and small, do happen to everyone. Also, they contain some great lessons for careers and working life! Let's not be afraid of our mistakes - let's take the lessons from them and develop ourselves!

1) Lessons from a bully boss

"When I secured my first job after graduation, it was with a small marketing agency and I thought it was my dream job. Unfortunately, it did not turn out as planned - the owner of the agency was a bully with a fierce temper. My confidence plummeted and I felt trapped - it was my first job and I felt like I needed to stay there for at least a year. But several things helped me survive: I tried my best to find out what was expected of me and then meet those expectations -not always easy! I found an office ally with whom I could let off steam and I relied on my friends to get further perspective. Once I had been on the job for 6 months I started to apply for other jobs and relatively quickly got a new (much happier) job. Having been through this mistake now, I know I will NEVER let another boss demean or bully me."

2) Sometimes things are lost

"I had travelled to a conference and after reaching my hotel I suddenly realised... I had left my work laptop on the train. I panicked and started to cry, headed straight back to the station to report it missing. In the morning I told my manager what happened - I was extremely embarrassed but in this situation, I knew I needed to report it straight away so it could be dealt with, rather than bury my head in the sand. My workplace was very understanding and could wipe the laptop data remotely. In terms of what I learnt, we all make mistakes. Things get lost and things go wrong. However, you need to act quickly and own up to your mistakes. Pretty much everything can be sorted if you are honest and act quickly. Oh, and check you have ALL your belongings with you when you get off a train!"

3) Typos happen to us al

"I once published a college prospectus with the wrong phone number on the cover (this was in the days before the internet). I learnt a lot about proofreading!"

4) Own it up and make it right

"In my first-ever full-time job, I became swamped with emails during my annual leave. When I returned, I tried my best to get back to everyone. Then, a few weeks later an important email came back asking why I never answered them. I just had to own up to my mistake and humbly apologise for the delay and luckily everything was okay. From this mistake, I learned to be detail-oriented around e-mails: I started using sub-folders for "important" or "to follow up" emails to develop my organisation practices. Also, just genuinely communicate with people and apologise, even if it's just a small mistake - people appreciate the truth!"

Inspired to learn more about the growth mindset? Check out our previous blog post and learn how King's Careers & Employability can support your learning, wherever you are on your career journey. Also, explore our LinkedIn Learning collection on Developing a Growth Mindset!

5) Saying yes to a grad job - when it's not the right fit!

"When I was fresh out of university, I had no idea where I wanted to go and had vastly underutilised my Universities careers services. I ended up taking the first job to say yes to me, despite knowing it wasn't a great fit. So after 6 months, I found myself living alone in a small town, working a role I was not equipped to do and found myself failing my probation and eventually handing in my resignation. I know now that it's really important to research the roles you go for and not be afraid to turn down a role If you think it won't be right for you! Also, it's good to have a support network around you at work to help you when things get tough. And finally, I learnt the importance of learning to walk away, there is no shame in realising you made a mistake and finding something new!"

6) Devil's in the Excel details

"I was completing the department's financial analysis a couple of months ago and was extremely content and confident with the report I had created. However, when I did a follow up the next month, I realised the figures from the new report were correct but the figures from the month before were incorrect. Where I went wrong was I clicked 'AutoSum' without checking all the correct cells had been selected - therefore if there was a gap in a column in the spreadsheet, 'AutoSum' would start calculating after the gap. I am very glad the mistake was realised early on and I could correct it immediately, but now I make sure to carefully check which cells are selected and which are not when doing financial calculations. "

7) If you're just not that into (the role)

"In a past job, I realised that I wasn't enjoying my role after a couple of months, and I hadn't used the interview to find out enough about the job (although it is not always possible to know what a job is like before you start it!). I asked my manager and peers for more support, so I could try and get better at the role. I decided after doing this that the role still wasn't right for me and I resigned. This experience taught me that it's really important to think carefully about what you want in a job before you accept it, but it is also good to try things, as this teaches you what you don't like. I also realised that it is ok to decide that something isn't for you."

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Reading about what other people have experienced (and learned) from their career journeys is a great way to realise that challenges don't define us - it's what we do with them that counts! Here at King's Careers, we believe mistakes we make are valuable lessons that help us grow both professionally and personally.

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Achieving your goals - a step by step guide 

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Achieving your goals - a step by step guide 

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Are you familiar with the book, "Chicken Soup for the Soul"? If you've not had the pleasure of flipping through its pages, you've almost certainly heard its name echoing through popular culture. Born from the minds of authors Jack Canfield and Mark Hansen, this stirring anthology of 101 life-affirming stories blossomed out of a vision in the 80s, a friendship, and shared dreams.

Their road to success was anything but smooth. After a three-year-long crafting period, they faced an icy reception: a staggering 144 publishers declined their work. However, these refusals couldn't shake their profound faith in the potential of their creation.

Finally, in 1992, their efforts bore fruit. A small publisher, Health Communications, took a leap of faith, heralding the beginning of an astonishing success story. Readers worldwide found solace and inspiration in these uplifting tales, leading to a prolific series with over 250 titles by 2020.

What's the moral of this story?

Big dreams take form from clear, defined goals. But it's not just about dreaming big; action and perseverance are vital when the going gets tough.

In this article, we're going to delve into the intricate process of achieving your goals. (Spoiler: It's a lot more than just checking off SMART goal boxes.)

How to Achieve Your Goals (Step-by-Step)

1. Set a SMARTer Goal

Even if you have some idea of what your dream is, you can run into other problems with consistently moving forward to achieve your goals. Such problems can include:

Your dreams aren't your own - You might be taking on your social circle's dreams or your parents. When this happens, it's going to be hard to stay consistent.

You may feel overwhelmed with your dream - Chasing a dream is a huge undertaking because it can be mentally taxing. Trying to become a famous singer can lead to disappointment due to it being unrealistic. On the flip side, having a goal to create music every week is going to drive you in the same direction but without the unneeded stress of becoming famous.

You have a cluttered mind and no organization - Organization of your mind and your space is key to thriving. If you're easily distracted or suffer from an unclear mind, take a few moments to take deep breaths throughout the day or meditate to center yourself.

You're lacking a why - Why do you want to pursue this goal? Why be consistent with this habit? Knowing the answers to those questions is critical to be consistent. Not only that, but you need to have a great reason (or more) to keep at it.

This is why you need a SMARTer goal.

Understand What You Truly Want to Achieve

Aim to understand what types of goals you'd like to achieve.

To do this, you can use the 5 Whys framework to dig deep into your desires. The purpose of this framework is to ask yourself the question "why?" five times. Every single time you ask why you're getting to the source of why you started goal setting in the first place.

Let's say your initial goal is to 'make more money.'

Why do you want to make more money? "Because I want to buy a big house."

Why do you want a big house? "Because living in a big house is comfortable"

Why does only a big house make you comfortable? "Because I have a big family, with a wife and three kids; we need a big house for everyone."

Why do you want a big house for everyone to live in? "Because I want them to live in a comfortable place."

Why is that? "Because I love my family and I want them to be happy."

Can you now see the clear difference between the initial want and the true purpose at the end? In this example, you thought you wanted more money; but in reality, what you truly want is for your family to be happy. While making more money and getting a big house could do that, how you treat your family and the time you spend with them are key elements too.

How to Set SMART Goals

Setting SMART goals and start accomplishing significant personal goals with personal accountability - without limiting beliefs.

Specific - What is the direction and meaning of the goal I'm pursuing?
Example: I want to lose 50 pounds.

Measurable - Will the goal be able to be measured?
Example: Every week I will weigh in and measure my progress.

Aattainable - Is the goal realistic?
Example: I have spare time and money to devote to losing weight.

Relevant - Does the goal align with my inner self?
Example: Yes, I want to look good during the summer.

Time-Bound - When will the goal need to be met?
Example: I have a year to lose 50 pounds.

Set Specific Goals

Goals that are vague or generalized are ineffective because they lack direction. Keep in mind that you'll need targets to guide you. Make it as simple as possible to get where you want to go by identifying your destination in detail.

Set Measurable Goals

Use specific numbers, deadlines, and other details in your milestones so that you can track your progress.

How would you know that you've achieved your target if it's as simple as "reduce expenses"? If you have a 1% reduction in a month, what would you do in two years if you have a 10% reduction?

You lose out on the joy that comes with thinking you've accomplished something if you don't have a way to track your progress.

Set Attainable Goals

You can only demoralize yourself and erode your trust if you set a target that you have no chance of achieving. However, fight the temptation to set too simple targets.

At best, achieving a goal for which you didn't have to work hard can be anticlimactic, and it can even make you dread setting potential targets with a chance of failure.

You achieve the required balance by setting practical and daunting targets. These are the kinds of targets and types of goals that force you to "lift the mark," and they have the most personal fulfillment by fulfilling these challenging goals.

Set Relevant Goals

Goals should be important to the path you choose to follow in your life and work. You'll build the focus you need to get ahead and do what you want if you keep your priorities consistent with this.

Set expectations that are disjointed and contradictory, and you'll waste your time - and your life.

Set Time-Bound Goals

This means you'll be able to recognise when you've achieved something. When you're running on a deadline with your goals, your sense of urgency rises, and you'll do more quickly.

The above is a great example of SMART goal setting that will get you started on creating a successful plan. You want to have every step written down before you start your life-changing mission. Being efficient when planning your goals will make it easier to accomplish them.

2. Plan Your Goal

Start with Set Milestones

Goal setting starts to have a real impact when you see your hard-earned work turn into results. Setting milestones will help you to achieve your goals. To create a milestone it has to meet the following criteria:

It's challenging

It can be completed within the span of a month

It's concrete

Map out your plan
- Break down your plan into milestones. These will be bite-sized steps that once completed you can check off on your way to completing your long-term goal.

Create a backup plan in case any milestones fail - You should have a back-up plan in case life gets in the way.

You might find the following quick example helpful:

Let's say that your goal is to get a new job. You could map out this goal using a plan such as this one:

Decide what kind of job you're looking for

Scope out potential employers

Start submitting applications

Continue applying every day

First interview

Put in your 2 weeks

Celebrate your new job!

When you have a plan like this, you'll quickly be able to start ticking off items from your list, which will encourage you and motivate you to keep going until the finish line.

Create Actions

If you want to achieve your goals you need to focus on taking the right actions. Your actions should have:

Intention - Why you are doing something.

Value - The benefits that this task is bringing you.

Cost - What you have to give up or invest to achieve that value.

Have a Reward System

Setting up a reward system is going to make it easier to achieve your goals. When you're seeing the results you want and getting to celebrate them, it'll be easier to continue creating bigger and more impactful goals.

Every time you complete a milestone, reward yourself

Ensure that the rewards are proportionate to the milestone. IE: If you applied for a job that doesn't mean you should buy yourself an expensive suit.

Schedule the Tasks

Keep yourself on track by planning your actions. Block scheduling is one method to ensure you're staying on track.

But despite all the planning done, remember that plans can still fall short. Planning around Planner's fallacy means ensuring that you have a back-up plan in mind and are open to the idea of reviewing and making adjustments to your milestones or plans should you fail.

Don't Get Stuck in Planning Fallacy

Plans don't always go according to plan. Don't get stuck trying to force your plan, go with the flow.

The issue is that when you put together a plan, you can become stubborn when your plan changes. Here is how you can avoid it:

Don't immediately doubt yourselfYou're better off making two big assumptions: we have some inability to plan properly, and we're blind to it.

Pay attention to your track recordOverconfidence is one of the roadblocks you can face when planning. When you have hard data about what you're capable of accomplishing, you won't plan for something that you can't achieve.

Deal with uncertainty

Worse-case planning: As the saying goes "plan for the worst" this is all about determining the worst possible scenario and figuring out how to overcome it.

Flexible-planning: Instead of focusing on the result, you're putting more focus on the actions that get you to the results.

3. Act on Your Goal

The third step is to follow through on your goal setting. With a plan, it should be pretty clear cut, but consider the following things to make acting on your goals much easier:

Start Small and Schedule

There are all kinds of tools and methods to help you schedule tasks. Just be sure that they align with the milestones you've planned.

Here're some options for you:

Review Progress Consistently

Make it a weekly activity to review your progress. If you've made a small step towards your goal, celebrate it through your reward system. If you didn't, consider what you need to do to make sure you're staying on track.

Create an Environment That Helps Your Goal

If you're in an environment that hinders your success mindset, you have to think of ways to change your environment. Things like cleaning your desk, letting more natural light in, being around different people could be what you need to get your mind into focus.

Imagine this scenario:

You have a goal to lose 20 lb of weight in the next 6 months.

If you tried to get fit without a road map, then you'd probably fail to achieve your aim.

However, by getting your environment right, such as by only stocking healthy food in your home, you'll give yourself the best chance of success.

Add to that making yourself accountable - perhaps by getting your partner on board with your goal - and you'll start to find the motivation you need.

If you keep reviewing your progress and reward yourself every time you hit one of your incremental targets, then you'll have everything you need to help you reach your weight loss goal.

Practice, Practice, Practice

While the SMARTER goal system can be a great way to set goals, this is only the start of your story.

It's here where deliberate practice can shine.

Before deliberate practice, you have naive practice and purposeful practice.

Naive practice is where most people are at and it satisfies the following conditions:

You treat your goal like a hobby where it's something you do once in a while.

When you practice, the scale of the challenge is low. You raise the bar in small increments or you continue to perform the same thing. For example, you may be playing the same song on an instrument or writing the same form of article.

For purposeful practice you have to:

Tailor your goal to something more specific. For example, instead of practicing the same song constantly, add a layer of challenge to it. Say you'll play the song multiple times in a row without making a single mistake.

Develop a strategy to help you achieve your objective.

Have a clear and concise reason to push yourself.

To be someone who deliberately practices, you have to:

Satisfy the previous conditions of purposeful practice

Ensure the practice you're doing is in a performance-based field. I.e. The field that you're practicing has a clear distinction between those who are experts and those who are novices.

Have a system or mentor to guide you

4. Stick With Your Set Goals

Create a Solid Accountability System

An accountability system is a solid way to ensure you are committed to holding yourself accountable and working towards your set goals. It's an extra incentive to be performing your best.

Examples of additional accountability are things like giving people or yourself updates on your progress, recognizing progress, and celebrating. This is a key way to stick to your goals, and of course, reach your goals.

Having an accountability partner provides an extra incentive as the ideal partner will encourage you to stay motivated and focus on your set goals.

You can also add another layer of challenge by involving money. Paying a trusted friend at the end of the week if you don't hit your goal is a great incentive to perform.

Final Thoughts

Achieving your goals requires setting SMARTER goals, creating a plan, taking action, and staying committed. It's crucial to understand your true desires and set specific, measurable, attainable, relevant, and time-bound goals.

Planning with milestones and a backup plan is essential. Taking intentional actions, reviewing progress, and creating a supportive environment are key. Practice and stay accountable to stick to your goals.

Remember, it's a dynamic process that requires patience and perseverance. With the right mindset and strategies, you can achieve your goals.

Featured photo credit: Ameer Basheer via unsplash.com

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How to Achieve Your Goal Effectively (Step-by-Step Guide) - LifeHack

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Are you familiar with the book, "Chicken Soup for the Soul"? If you've not had the pleasure of flipping through its pages, you've almost certainly heard

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Here at The Muse, we love giving you advice (could you tell?). But if there's one thing we love about our career story features, it's that they provide us with some invaluable lessons, too.

What's the best job for you?

Use The Muse to find a job at a company with a culture you love. Select the career path that aligns with you:

How many years of experience do you have?

What company benefits are most important to you?

Calculating your job matches...

If you're feeling stuck or frustrated, if you want to try something new but you're scared, or, heck, if you just really love reading about other people's careers (we get you), read on to learn five lessons that, at the very least, will leave you feeling a little more inspired and motivated to hit the ground running.

1. Even Your Dream Career Will Have Downsides (But That Doesn't Mean It's Not Worth Trying)

Being in the fitness industry isn't easy. The hours are long and irregular, making it hard to find time for friends and family, and the pay can be crappy at first. As Bo Hickey's classmates started giving up, he was tempted to do so, too. But he just couldn't.

"When I'd think about pursuing something different," Hickey said, "it truly didn't interest me. I thought, The passion is there, I'm not worried about that. I've just got to keep my head down until I find the best route for me. " And, he eventually did.

2. Just Because You Quit Your Job to Try Something New Doesn't Mean You Can't Come Back to It

When Vidya Kurella and her husband decided to move across the world, she decided to try something she'd never done before. She went to school for pastry baking.

"I was even open to pastry becoming my new career path. But [it] was much more challenging than I'd expected," Kurella explains.

These days, Kurella just bakes for fun. Here's how she switched back into law with the help of her network.

3. Your Degree May Relate to Your Job More Than You Think

There's a lot of pressure to find a career that's directly related to your degree. And, though this isn't always necessary, Neely Kartha is a great example of how, sometimes, the field you end up in does relate to your diploma, even if it's not an obvious connection. Kartha, now a front-end engineer, says her English and psychology majors still play a part in her work today.

4. Your Idea of Your "Dream Job" Can Change

By age eight, Erin McKean knew she wanted to work on dictionaries. So, she did. Then, she started her own online dictionary called Wordnik.

Through that process, however, she realized she thought tech was pretty darn cool. So, she decided to learn more about it. And now, she's made it into her career.

5. You Can Combine Different Passions to Make a Career (Even if You Think They Don't Relate)

When Suzi Pond started college, she wanted to pursue (what she thought were) two very different paths-storytelling and technology. But, instead of choosing just one, she decided to create her own major called "Hypertext Writing," a combination of writing, coding, online storytelling, and research. These days, Pond runs her own business, where she gets to tell stories via video and use all these skills every day.
Do you you want a chance to be featured as our weekly career story? Email us at editor(at)themuse(dot)com with the subject line "Career Story" and tell us who you are, what you do, and your career journey.

Abby is a writer, career coach, and health educator living in Portland, Maine. When she's not trying to make the world a happier and healthier place, you can find her cuddling with her cats, hunting down the city's best coffee and grilled cheese, or dipping her toes in the Atlantic. Say hi on Twitter .

More from Abby Wolfe

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5 Career Lessons From 5 Real Career Stories

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Here at The Muse, we love giving you advice (could you tell?). But if there's one thing we love about our career story features, it's that they provide us with some invaluable lessons, too. Here are some of our favorite lessons from five of our favorite stories.

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Here's a bit of an introspective question for today: what have you learned from watching other peoples' careers? Who has surprised you with their "success" - who has gone in a different direction than you anticipated for them - and have you seen people who you always thought were rockstars not enjoy as much "success" as you'd expected them to? Has it changed how you define success - and what have you learned from it? What career lessons can be learned from other people?

I've been out of high school for more than twenty years now, amazingly. I've almost been out of college that long. Many people I know are, like me, sort of at the midpoint of their careers - we've been working for decades, we will be working for decades more (barring that lottery win, of course). I was scrolling through my personal LinkedIn the other day and reflecting on where friends and colleagues ended up - were the "successful ones" the ones who I would have guessed twenty years ago, when I was in that ubercompetitive spirit that school puts you in? We are blessed to have such a wide age range of readers on this blog, so I thought I'd put together some reflections if you're on the younger end of that spectrum... readers who've been around the block a few times, I do hope you'll chime in with your own reflections. Here goes...

1. Success doesn't look like what I thought it looked like. It's measured by something far more than your resume; it's often having a picture in your mind of a life for yourself, and then being able to paint that picture as best you can. Family - friends - pets - big reaches like second homes or building a business - little things like time for yoga or marathon training - they all play a part in the paintstrokes you make and the colors you choose. I know some friends took what turned into a boondoggle - years spent away from their "career track" working on a novel, start-up, or freelancing career that went nowhere, for example. But they never have to wonder "what if" - and that's worth a lot too.

2. Some of the smartest people I know aren't afraid to take risks and blow things up. In my old nonprofit legal job I got to be friendly with a lot of high ranking, well-positioned lawyers who could have happily stayed at those jobs for years, at least from a resume perspective - they were working at Dream Jobs. I've been shocked to see many of them leave for much smaller, scrappier companies with much less cache. It's possible (perhaps likely) that there were buyouts and other changes that made those Dream Jobs less dreamy - but it's still fascinating to see and fun to watch them go.

3. Serendipity can't be underestimated. Fate, chance, blind luck: she'll kick you in the pants. Sometimes this works in your favor... sometimes it doesn't. I've seen people's careers take hits in the 2008-2009 recession and still not recover fully... and I've seen some people be very "lucky," at least career-wise, like being essential on that nine-figure case as it heads into trial at the same time as your partnership meeting... and I've seen really brilliant, five-dimensional chess kind of people not make partner because their essential case settled a month before that partnership meeting or their sponsor. (Obviously more went into it than just this, but still - serendipity is a huge chunk of the pie.) Similarly, I know far too many stay-at-home moms who hadn't planned to quit their jobs (or even to lean out), but did because their child had special needs, or other family circumstances got in the way.

Readers, what are your thoughts - what career lessons have you learned from others? Has watching others changed how you define success - and what have you learned from it? What career lessons can be learned from other people? Stock photo via Deposit Photos / Madrabothair.

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What Have You Learned From Other People's Careers? - Corporette.com

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Readers, what career lessons have you learned from others? Have you been surprised to see who has "succeeded" and who "failed"? (Has watching others' careers changed how you define success and failure?)

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Pink's Framework of Autonomy, Mastery and Purpose 

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Pink's Framework of Autonomy, Mastery and Purpose 

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Daniel Pink: The 3 Biggest Factors in Motivation | Inc.

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Developing a Growth Mindset with Carol Dweck

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It's a wild night in Houston. There's a heavy thunderstorm rolling in over the Texan skies when Brené Brown, author of five No 1 New York Times ' bestsellers, calls. But despite the line cutting out and the ominous sound of thunder and pelting rain echoing over the phone, Brown could not be more sunny.

The truth is, what you see of her in interviews or as she commands the stage presenting TED Talks and, most recently, in the justly celebrated Netflix special The Call to Courage, is exactly what you get in person. Brown is just as warm, engaging and entertaining as she is passionate about shame, vulnerability and empathy - subjects which she's made it her life's work to study.

States of mind

The University of Houston professor has spent 20 years studying how these states of mind, traditionally perceived as weaknesses, impact not only ourselves but also how we relate to each other. And now, with her new book Dare to Lead, she's honing in on how and why these supposed fragilities not historically associated with strong leadership can and, crucially, should be embraced by leaders across the globe.

Brown's latest study on the future of leadership took seven years and included 150 interviews with C-Suite executives across a range of industries and from all over the world; from Fortune Tens to community organisers and from Pixar executives to Special Forces operatives. The message she received was unanimous: leaders want skills on which they can build; skills which are teachable and observable.

"It didn't matter where they were or the team they were leading," notes Brown. "Whether they were in the States, Australia, Singapore, or anywhere else in the world, they all said the same thing; that they wanted to have the tools to lead with courage. And to do that, daring leaders need to embrace vulnerability.

"It's about leaning into hard conversations, being super clear what your values are and living them, holding people accountable and always doing the right thing as a leader yourself, building trust and learning to rise after setbacks."

Brené Brown: Researcher, storyteller, Texan

Brown, who describes herself as researcher, storyteller and Texan (in that order), is clear when it comes to what makes a successful leader.

"I define a leader as anyone who takes responsibility for finding the potential in people and processes, and who has the courage to develop that potential."

She's just as firm with her view that vulnerability goes hand-in-hand with that courage saying, "The courage to be vulnerable is not about winning or losing, it's about the courage to show up when you can't predict or control the outcome."

"The courage to be vulnerable is not about winning or losing, it's about the courage to show up when you can't predict or control the outcome." - Brené Brown

That unpredictability and lack of complete control means, as Brown is at pains to point out, not that you're likely to fail at some point, but that you most definitely will. But for the sake of growth, in both a personal and business sense, that's okay, too.

"There is no innovation and creativity without failure. Period," she says. "Daring leaders have to know that they need to live BIG - with Boundaries, Integrity and Generosity."

Brown on building trust

So how should leaders build the trust Brown includes as part of an armoury of teachable, observable skills?

"We asked a thousand leaders to list marble-earning behaviours - what do your team members do that earns your trust? The most common answer: asking for help," Brown explains. "When it comes to people who do not habitually ask for help, the leaders we polled explained that they would not delegate important work to them because the leaders did not trust that they would raise their hands and ask for help.

"Somehow we've come to equate success with not needing anyone. Many of us are willing to extend a helping hand, but we're very reluctant to reach out for help when we need it ourselves. It's as if we've divided the world into 'those who offer help' and 'those who need help.' The truth is that we are both and that trust is, in fact, earned in the smallest of moments."

Brown takes a breath. In that moment, I glance down at the cover of Dare to Lead and can't help but think that leaders would do well to have its tagline as their mantra: Brave work. Tough Conversations. Whole hearts.

I ask what's the one thing that Brown's learned above all else from her research. She doesn't hesitate.

"The only thing I know for sure is that if you're going to dare greatly, you're going to get your ass kicked at some point. If you choose courage, you will absolutely know failure, disappointment, setback, even heartbreak. That's why we call it courage. That's why it's so rare."

Brown Fast Facts:

Brown's 2010 TED Talk The Power of Vulnerability has been viewed more than 40 million times and is one of the top five TED Talks ever. Watch it here

The title of Brown's New York Times No 1 bestseller Daring Greatly comes from Theodore Roosevelt's famously stirring speech 'Citizenship in a Republic', which is also referred to as 'The Man in the Arena' speech, given in 1910 at the Sorbonne in Paris, France.

Hear it here

Brené Brown, in conjunction with The Growth Faculty, is holding two exclusive half-day seminars in Sydney and Melbourne in July/Aug 2019 to cultivate courageous leadership and cultures across corporate Australia. For more information and ticket availability, go to thegrowthfaculty.com.

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Exclusive interview with Brené Brown: "Failure is part of the ride."

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Ahead of her visit to Australia with The Growth Faculty, we talk to leadership phenomenon Brené Brown about how leading with bravery begins with vulnerability.

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Podcast: How to Fail with Elizabeth Day 

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Podcast: How to Fail with Elizabeth Day 

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Elizabeth Day | Author - Journalist - Broadcaster

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Elizabeth Day is an Author, Journalist and Broadcaster. She is the host of the leading podcast, 'How to Fail'.

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Carol Dweck on believing you can improve

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Carol Dweck on believing you can improve

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The power of believing that you can improve

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Carol Dweck researches “growth mindset” — the idea that we can grow our brain’s capacity to learn and to solve problems. In this talk, she describes two ways to think about a problem that’s slightly too hard for you to solve. Are you not smart enough to solve it … or have you just not solved it yet? A great introduction to this influential field.

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#9 A Fear Of Your Body's Reaction (e.g. blushing, fainting, sweating)

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Listen to this episode from Squiggly Careers on Spotify. Does nervous energy sometimes take you over? Do you sometimes feel yourself blush or start to sweat in tricky work situations? This week Sarah and Helen are taking a look at confidence gremlins that manifest as body reactions - and for Sarah, blushing is one she's battled with first hand!

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Brene Brown Leaves the Audience SPEECHLESS | One Of the Best Speech EVER

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Networking doesn't have to feel opportunistic. It can be a moment to make genuine connections. Here's how to get started:

Networking is not about meeting new people. It's also a chance to connect with people you've known for a while but haven't had the chance to interact with.

Use networking as an opportunity to help others. Think about what you're good at, what you like to do, and what others often ask you to help with.

Instead of small talk, engage in conversations that are more intimate and help you as well as the other person become vulnerable, even if you're meeting them for the first time.

Know that networking is not always inclusive. But you can change that narrative by owning your identity, understanding your strengths, and becoming confident.

I've always had a love-hate relationship with networking. When I was in college, networking seemed transactional. I disliked the idea of building relationships for my own personal gain and small talk with strangers triggered my social anxiety. As I've grown in my career, however, I've learned that networking doesn't have to be opportunistic.

Accelerate your career with Harvard ManageMentor®. HBR Learning's online leadership training helps you hone your skills with courses like Career Management. Earn badges to share on LinkedIn and your resume. Access more than 40 courses trusted by Fortune 500 companies.

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Networking doesn't have to feel opportunistic. It can be a moment to make genuine connections. Here's how to get started: Networking is not about meeting new people. It's also a chance to connect with people you've known for a while but haven't had the chance to interact with.

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3 things you can do to build your network

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3 things you can do to build your network

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Networking is often one of the areas people struggle with the most when we're delivering Amazing If programmes. Some people almost shudder when they think about it!

Networking became considerably easier for us when we started to think about it as 'people helping people'. It shifted the whole thing from being an necessary evil to a way you could proactively add value to people in small ways.

It's much easier to think to yourself 'how have I helped someone today' rather than 'how have I networked today' and hopefully it's causes considerably less shudders.

So, 3 practical things you can do this week to build your network by helping others.....
1) Share something
Read an article or a book, discover a new brand or an interesting YouTube video and then think who would find it of interest. Share the link or the book with them, referencing why you thought of them. Use this contact to create a conversation between the 2 of you, which could lead to a face-to-face meeting. It doesn't even need to be someone you know, I have done this with people on Twitter that I admire or people involved in networks with an agenda that has meaning to me.

It might look a bit like this.....
Hi xxxxxx. I came across a great app this week that I think you'll love. It's called Asana and it makes it really easy to view your teams progress on projects all in one place. It's saving us a lot of time and it's free to use. Have a look and let me know what you think! I can show you how we use it at Amazing If if it helps? Speak soon, xxxxxx 2) Recognise & offer
Once you know who the key people are in your network, follow what they are up to. You can do this in person through general conversation, through social media (Twitter and Linked In are particularly good for this) or by setting up Google Alerts so when their name is in the press, you get an email. Use this insight to send them a timely and relevant note recognising their achievement. Go one step further and make an offer to help them.

Here's an example....
Hi xxxxx. I saw in Fast Company that you've just won One to Watch 2015. Amazing news! Well done. I was really interested to read about the big loyalty project you're working on. It's something that I have had experience of previously. If I can share any knowledge or lend a helping hand over the next couple of months, do let me know. I'd love to get involved. Best wishes, xxxxxx 3) Be curious
Taking the time to learn from other people's experiences with no networking agenda, can ironically be a great way to build stronger relationships and development your network. Think about someone in your network who you'd like to build a better relationship with. In this case, it's better if you're able to call or meet them. What knowledge or experience have they got that interests you and why? Once you're clear on that, make the request for a call, a coffee or a meeting to pick their brain. People rarely say no and if they do, they may be willing to recommend someone else to help.

This is a real example that I had last week...
Hi xxxx. As you know, we're at the early stages of our business launch and I'm working much closer with the Board. I know you've had several Board roles and I'd love to pick your brains on how best to engage Board members to use the time most effectively and come across credibly and confidently. Could you share 30 minutes next month over coffee to share your thoughts? I'd really appreciate it. Kind regards, Helen
You've already taken 1 action by reading this blog post, try at least 1 of the actions above and let us know how you get on getintouch@amazingif.com.

Thanks, Helen

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3 actions to build your network | Amazing If

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Networking is often one of the areas people struggle with the most when we're delivering Amazing If programmes. Some people almost shudder when they think about it! Networking became considerably easier for us when we started to think about it as 'people helping people'. It shifted the whole thing from being an necessary evil to [...]

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But before she does that, if it is your first time listening, you might not know about the many things that we produce to make your learning for the podcast last longer. You thought you were here for entertainment; we are here to help you learn! So, if you want to reflect on what you have heard today, or maybe you've just not got a pen and paper at hand because you're listening while driving or walking your dog, or whatever it is you're doing right now, you can download our Squiggly Careers , and it summarises some of the key points, and it also includes some coach-yourself questions, so that you can reflect a little bit on what you've heard.

If you want to be part of a conversation about this topic, you can join us in our weekly session, which is a 30-minute Zoom with Sarah and me, sometimes both of us, sometimes one of us, but it's every Thursday at 9.00am and it's on Zoom and it's free; and all of the details for both those things are in the show notes.

So, strong ties are the people who know you well, who understand who you are, and I think they've usually supported and sponsored your work in some way. Weak ties are more casual contacts, but who we have a common point of connection with. So, the interesting thing about weak ties is they know things that we don't know and they know people that we don't know, and that is really valuable for us in terms of our learning, growing and also spotting new opportunities and possibilities.

When I think about the strong ties for me and my career, they're the people that I go to to build my belief if I've got a bit stuck, if I need some advice, and those people are also probably going to really challenge me, because they know me well enough to be honest and to give me that candid feedback that we all need from time to time. So, strong ties are still really important.

But those weak ties are people where we probably haven't spent that much time with them. They won't know us anywhere near as well, but they will be connected to other people. They'll probably have lots of experiences that are less familiar to us. And so, when we spend time with out weak ties, they do build bridges, I think, to new networks, to new opportunities. They're the ripple effect of having strong and weak ties, meaning that your career community will just look and feel much more diverse and interesting as a result.

So, what we thought we'd do today to make this really real and useful is we're going to do five ways to work your weak ties, which I just feel is the Squiggly Careers podcast at its best, us going, "There's this thing called weak ties. It's important, now let's dive into the ideas for action and how to do this", because I do think if you are like me and you are more introverted, strong ties is probably me at my most comfortable and confident when I'm developing my network.

I'm good at developing strong ties and I think I've said before on the podcast, I describe my approach to networking sometimes like a limpet; I'm really good at creating connections, then I basically never let go. Whereas weak ties, I think, feels daunting, "I don't know these people, how do I make these casual connections?"

So, it's those sort of career conundrums that have informed the actions that we have developed for you. Shall I go first, Sarah?

So, maybe there is something that you want to learn, or something that you are particularly passionate about. If you can find communities that exist, that thing that everyone's curious about can be your common point of connection. And sometimes that makes it a bit easier to build those relationships, when you're starting from scratch, because at least there's a topic you can talk about. So, I'll give you a really good example for me at the moment.

I have joined this community, called Yellow Learning, and it's a four- or five-month learning programme, people all around the world. You're put into quite a small cohort, and the groups are really diverse. Everyone does really different things, we live in different places, we're in very different careers; but the thing that connects us all is we just have this passion and openness for relooking at what learning can be.

When I say relooking at what learning can be, I've done everything from grab a random thing in my room and talk about how I'm feeling about my work and life right now, I picked a pair of Allen keys, that was interesting; to designing some sock puppets and having one that was my best-self sock puppet and one that was my worst-self sock puppet, and have them talking to each!

So, I joined, similar to Helen, but a very immersive learning programme for two days that was all about sustainability, sustainability in business. And again, part of the reason for that was I was just really curious to learn more about things like, I learnt about systems thinking, I learnt a bit about design thinking, and I followed my curiosity without being too worried about being very purposeful. Sometimes we feel like, "How am I going to use this in my day-to-day job?" and that is really important for lots of our learning. But I think if you want to find new weak ties, following your curiosity just means that then suddenly you know five or six people who you didn't know before.

What's interesting on working your weak ties, I actually had an email from one of those people today, so they got back in touch with me on LinkedIn, and I said, "Can you email me, because I always forget to do things properly on LinkedIn?" I need emails connected to my calendar; and then, we're just going to have a virtual coffee. So again, that's connecting in a way that really works for me. That's a new weak tie and we just both followed our curiosity and we have that as a point of connection, even though our backgrounds are really different.

So, that girl that I'm going to be talking to, very interestingly, has just come back, I think, from four or five years in Kenya, working on sustainability in Kenya, so she's a real expert, very different working life to me. And again, I just felt, "That will be interesting", and you don't have to worry, I think, too much where your weak ties might take you.

I was just thinking, because our examples, mine was like, "I've joined a learning community for five months", and yours was, "I took two days out"; they might sound a bit resource intensive. So, what you could do is join something like lunchclub.com which does the matching for you. So, you put in what you're curious about, and it connects you to somebody who has those shared points of curiosity; and then, you can go and have a one-hour conversation. So, that might be an efficient way of finding people, if you can't find communities like Sarah and I have done, or you haven't got the time to make that sort of commitment.

So, our second idea for action is about reconnection. So, sometimes, rather than starting completely from scratch, so trying to build a new weak tie, it's easier to think about, who do we already know; who have we perhaps met before but we've not been in touch with for a while? So, this could be previous managers, is always a really good place to start, previous manager you felt a point of connection with. Perhaps you just got on well, or you think they might know some interesting people. It could be people you've just worked alongside, people in previous organisations.

It could even be, and I think this is true for lots of people during COVID, you know people you had connections with because you were in the same place, and then suddenly when you're not in the same place, those connections wane, because you don't see them when you're getting a cup of tea, or you're not walking around floors in the same way. And I know lots of people said to me that was definitely true for them. There were people that they quite enjoyed just having chats with, and because they then weren't part of their day-to-day jobs, those chats just disappeared.

Again, we're all trying to get our heads around, how do we work, and we probably didn't quite make space or time for those connections, so reconnections could be really close to home; those people that in your team, or in your organisation, you're not spending that much time with, or they could be outside of your organisation.

I think the reason that we don't do this sometimes is we feel maybe a bit embarrassed about the fact that we've not been in touch with someone for a while, and I don't know whether it feels a bit needy, or we worry that people are busy, and we're like, "Is that an okay thing to do?" But I think, just remember that whenever you're asking for help in any way, or you're telling somebody that you are interested to learn more about something that they know about, that's a really flattering thing to do. Most people will feel really good about that reconnection, because you've essentially gone, "I'm really interested to find out more about what you're working on at the moment. I just thought it might be nice to reconnect and see what we're both up to and have a bit more of an informal chat".

Maybe there's something even more specific that they're up to that you want to learn more about, but I think never let that potential of thinking, "We haven't been in touch for while" stop you, because I think the worst-case scenario is that you might not get a reply from somebody, but also you probably will. The likelihood is they'll just think, "Yeah, that would be great. I'd love to catch up with that person".

But I think you could also think about a place in time in your career, when maybe you were learning something. Like, I've recently reconnected with my MBA Alumni community, which was a particular point in time in my career; or even maybe, there was a particular group of people when I first became a parent and I was navigating all of that stuff, and that was a point in time in my career, and I haven't reconnected with some of those people now, because needs change and lives change.

But I think "place" can be physical, like a company I work in, a location I worked in; or, a bit more conceptual, like the place that you were in at that time in your career, and the community that you might have been connected to at the time, but you might have lost touch with as time has moved on.

So, our third idea for action is all about going from strong to weak. So, this is a bit of connecting the dots really between the two different types of community. The idea here is that you've got those really strong relationships with those people who know you well and understand what you do, and you can leverage those people so that they can lead to new weak ties for you. It's basically about asking those people, "Do you know anyone who...?"

So, you might need to be specific. You might need to say, "One of the things that I'm looking to learn a bit more about is this particular role or this particular industry" or, "One of the things I'm curious to learn more about is this particular topic"; you might need to just give it a bit of a frame. But then what you want to do is go to that strong tie and say, "Do you know anybody who can help me?" They are more likely to help you, because they're already bought into you.

What I would say, my top tip here is some of your strong ties may be better at making those introductions and connections for you than others. I think about some of my strong ties. They are amazing people, but they're not particularly connected people, and they might be like, "Sorry, Helen, I'd love to help, but I can't", and I wouldn't want to put them in a bit of a tough spot. But some of my other strong ties, they're like hub people. They're those people that are always meeting other people.

I think about my manager, James, from Virgin, who's been on our podcast, he's one of those people that just seems to know everybody, and he is generous enough to make introductions, he would do it all the time. So, I'd be quite confident that if I went to him and said, "Do you know anyone who...?" not only would he probably have a yes, he would be generous enough and proactive enough to make that connection for me.

Then, always end that conversation by saying, exactly as Helen said, "Is there anyone else you think I should speak to who could help me to learn more about what it's like to grow a business?" or, "Is there anyone else you think I could speak to who might help me to grow my gravitas, or to change direction in my career?" whatever the purpose is for having that conversation; ask that person and see if they know anyone else.

Every time you do that, you're moving further away from the people that you know really well, and you're kind of getting weaker and weaker, but that's a good thing! I was like, "Oh, my God, the language here just blows my mind!" But the weaker and weaker, the further away, the ripples extend, and I think that's really useful, because then that's when suddenly you're having a conversation with someone who you never would have done normally, because that's maybe three connections on. That's a weak tie who's introduced you to another weak tie, to another weak tie; and again, just their ability to know things that you would never know, and to know other people, is just really, really valuable.

So, always make sure, when you're five minutes away from your meeting ending, I always keep a little eye on it, because I'm rubbish at time management with those kinds of things, but I always think, "I must ask that question at the end". You never know who knows who. So, not only might they know someone that you don't know, but also they will often introduce you as well. So, they'll say, "Do you want me to introduce you?" and you're like, "Brilliant! That saves me a job".

When people ask me that, if I ever can, I always will. And again, if I can't, I'll always be really honest about that. I'll say, "I probably don't really know that person well enough to make a direct introduction, but why don't you start having a look at what they're doing, see if there's opportunities to go to some of the events, or things where they might be", and maybe they're just a good person for them to follow, or something like that. But I think just make sure that you keep that going, you don't put a full stop after a conversation.

This might not be true for you, but certainly this is true for me. I sometimes think, "Well, no, that's not top of my list right now. I probably do need to finish that presentation, or prepare for this podcast", or whatever it might be, but I am going to say yes to that, because I spot it as an opportunity to create a new weak tie. So, sometimes that can be about a one-to-one conversation, so we've talked before about things like curiosity coffees, and often for me, that's how it shows up, that's what it would look like in my diary.

It would look like I'm having a conversation with someone where it's very hard to connect the dots between why you're having that conversation and what's on your to-do list right now. But I've said yes, because I just think, I feel like they will know people I don't know and they will know things I don't know. I always have that in my head. That's almost a bit of a lens that I look through, sometimes, how I spend my time. And if I'm never doing any of that, I'm limiting my learning and I'm limiting the perspectives that I'm getting, because I'm spending time with the people who are probably too similar to me, or might have very shared experiences to me.

So, the other week, I had a conversation with somebody who works in Canada in the public sector, and our common point of connection, back to our first idea for action, was that both really interested in career development. But to be honest, that's about as far as it went. Other than that, I was thinking, "Works in a completely different sector, didn't really know very much". It would have been really easy for me to say no to that, in terms of spending a bit of my day, like an hour of my day, doing that. But by saying yes, it meant I have definitely got a new weak tie there that, I recommended a couple of books to her, we've followed up and I feel like that will just stay as a weak tie.

You don't have to turn weak ties into strong ties. I sometimes have to remind myself of that, because my inclination is basically to try and be best friends with everybody, which is not useful. And also, most people don't want to be best friends with me, which is fine, obviously! But I think, just remember that as well, and someone actually once said this to me, I think I once had this bit of feedback from someone, which is really good feedback. He was going, "Not every relationship has to be a deep, trusting relationship where you know that person really well".

Weak ties can stay as weak ties. Of course, inevitably, the odd weak tie might become a strong tie in time, but I think that's probably, if you're getting the mix of relationships right, that's probably the exception, rather than the rule.

So, our fifth idea for action, I'm wondering whether this is a bit more of a Helen thing than a Sarah thing, you'll have to let me know, but I definitely do this. So, this is using LinkedIn/other social media, to warm up a weak tie, but I do think I do this more on LinkedIn.

So, what I would do here is, if there were some areas that I was curious about, or some connections that I was conscious that I wanted to make, I would maybe start following some people, or some groups on LinkedIn. I would try to warm up a weak tie, so maybe by liking a post that someone was sharing, or commenting on it with my perspective, and what it means is, I'm warming up a little bit so that when I reach out to that person, maybe for a Zoom conversation, or a curious coffee, like Sarah said, if it's appropriate to have it in person, I'm not a completely unknown entity. They're like, "Oh, I've seen your name popping up", or we might have had a little bit of back-and-forth chat on LinkedIn before we go into the DMs and get to know each other and maybe have that point of connection that goes beyond social media.

But I've done it a lot, lots of contacts that I have had that have initially started on social media have become conversations, and some of them have gone on to become strong ties over the long term. And it's enabled us to develop people for our network that have helped us at Amazing If, find new podcast guests, all kinds of things. But using LinkedIn or other social media to warm up a weak tie can be a good way to make a connection request more likely to get a yes from somebody else. Do you think you do it, Sarah?

I think, if this does happen to you, don't feel bad, it's not about you. It's never about you, it's never personal. Someone might not see something, they genuinely might not have the time, they've probably got other stuff going on that you just don't know about. I will definitely have said no to things where people might have hoped you say yes and you have to say no. And I think that doesn't mean that they're not interested, or it doesn't mean that you're not taking the right approach.

So if, along the way, you feel like it's not quite working out as you hoped, don't get disheartened, because it is never about you. And I think when you do this enough and when you practise this enough, you kind of get use to having all these weak ties; having quite low expectations is a good thing when it comes to weak ties.

As Helen said, it's not about going, "Wow, is this a deep and meaningful relationship within six months?" or, "Has this person given me a job?" or, "Exactly what have I gained?" Helen and I nearly had this as an idea for action, but I think it is just trusting in career karma, which is what we always talk about when we talk about networking, and people helping people.

I think when you're thinking about weak ties, trust in career karma. Some people will say yes, some people will say no, some people won't reply. It's all okay, keep going, try what works for you, and I think come up almost with your own ways of working your weak ties. And I think what you've heard from Helen and I here today, essentially us clashing together, both of our approaches to working our weak ties; but if I think about all of the good stuff that has come from weak ties over the years, they're invaluable, because these are the people that will connect you with someone where you're like, "Wow, that's amazing. That's going to mean that we've got a podcast guest now for our listeners that we would never have normally got" or, "That means that I've learnt something that I just would never have learnt and I've grown in a new direction".

So, the important thing now is maybe listening to what you've heard today, think about for you, if you were going to do three ways that you want to work your weak ties, what three things are you going to do; what feels like the most genuine and authentic and realistic way for you to work your weak ties?

Helen Tupper : So, we'll just summarise the five we've got and then don't forget, they'll be on that if you do want to download it and write down your own ways, as Sarah said.

So, the first one was get connected by curiosity; the second one was reconnect with a past relationship; the third was move from your strong ties to new weak ties; the fourth was start to say yes when you might want to say no; and the fifth was use LinkedIn to warm up a weak tie.

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How to work your 'weak' ties | Amazing If

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Networking is a career development activity that often makes people feel awkward even though we all know how important it is for our progression. In this episode, Helen and Sarah talk about the 'weak ties' in your network - what they are and how you can work your weak ties to increase the value of [...]

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By the way, my new book on networking came out yesterday!!! This is an excerpt. If you like it, you can get the whole book here.

I know, you're busy. And often you're so focused on your own work and your own development that it's hard to take a step back-and a deep breath-and see how you can engage more meaningfully with the people around you. We've got you covered with this super easy networking strategy.

In my post, 7 Great Ways to Build Better Professional Relationships, I recommended kindness as a core strategy for creating positive experiences with the people in your network.

So let's talk more about kindness as your best networking strategy

Your first strategy for shared positive experience is being kind. It's really simple: just look for ways to be kind to others. To implement this strategy correctly, you need to treat everyone with respect and generosity, to give freely and without expecting anything in return.

I'm a big fan of the idea of random acts of kindness: doing good deeds that can never be traced back to you. Some examples include leaving a great book on the subway, making an anonymous donation, or paying for the order of the person behind you at the drive thru. Anyone who has tried committing daily acts of random kindness will tell you it feels good.

But let's talk about Workplace Kindness.

Workplace Kindness means adding an extra step of thoughtfulness and kindness to your daily work activities. It's the simplest networking strategy you could possibly employ. Here are some examples:

Ask someone how they are and genuinely listen to their answer. Be there.

Say yes to someone who asks for help or a favor.

Teach someone something.

If you start to engage in daily acts of workplace kindness, you'll notice a few surprising things.

Life will start to seem easier. If you're focused on ways to be nice to others, it'll be harder to take your own frustrations too seriously and it will be easier to keep things in perspective.

People will start naturally returning the favors.

But most importantly, you'll get to know your contacts in a more personal way. To keep committing acts of kindness will require you to get to know them better.

Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. -Dalai Lama

Herein lies the power of this networking strategy: kindness helps you develop true friendships in a professional environment in an organic way. People promote the people they like. One of the best ways to be likeable is to turn professional colleagues into professional friends.

This doesn't mean you have to babysit their kids, play 18 holes of golf with them every weekend, or spend every Saturday night out on the town together. In fact, you never need to hang with them outside of work. But it does mean that you need to connect with them as a complete human being and not just as "boss," "subordinate," "peer," or "networking contact."

Here's an example of what I mean.

Think of a close friend. Could you name two or three things they like to eat? How about stuff they hate? If you were going to surprise your good friend with lunch, what would you get him?

This question is probably easy to answer for your close friends. You know their taste.

But what about the people in your office?

Let's try the Lunch Test.

Take a moment and walk around your office. Take note of a few things:

Which people do you feel you know really well?

Who don't you know very well but wish you did?

Who don't you know at all?

Then come back to your desk and try the Lunch Test:

Ask yourself this question: If I were going to buy lunch for each of the people I saw on my walk, what would I get them?

You might know who eats Paleo, who's avoiding gluten, and who's a vegetarian with a nut allergy. But if you wanted to really surprise them with something they love, could you do that?

In most cases, the answer is probably no.

Food is always a great way to connect with people. Everybody's gotta eat, and most of us find great joy in a delicious meal.

To begin expanding your relationships with colleagues, use the Lunch Test. And then...

Start to get curious about their tastes. What kind of food do they like? What's their favorite neighborhood restaurant? What's the one place around the corner they will never eat at again? What's their go-to splurge meal?

What if you were going to take them out for ice cream? What flavor would they get? What flavors would they NEVER get?

Food is just one possible kindness launching-off point.

It's a good one, though, since it's on the outside of the safe Social Distance Circle. But deeper intimacy begins with curiosity. As you begin to get to know people better, you will learn what kind of movies they like, the hobbies that get them out on the weekend, and the aspect of their work that gets them out of bed every morning.

As you get to know your colleagues better as whole people, you'll naturally find that your relationships expand, your collaboration improves, and new opportunities will start to present themselves.

Want more ideas for Workplace Kindness to get you started? Here are 34:

34 Acts of Workplace Kindness

1. Bring in breakfast for colleagues.

2. Email a compliment to a coworker.

3. Remember people's birthdays.

4. Let your boss know how much you appreciate him or her.

5. Leave a handwritten thank you note for someone who did you a favor.

6. Send flowers to the office manager.

7. Take 30 extra seconds to clean up the office bathroom sink before you leave.

8. Put sticky notes with positive slogans on the mirrors in restrooms.

9. Stop and listen.

10. Get coffee for your cube mate.

11. Congratulate someone on a positive life event.

12. Take a new hire out to lunch.

13. Email that person who's been waiting to hear from you.

14. Bring in fun office supplies for colleagues (think crazy color pens) to make the day more fun.

15. Get coffee for a busy manager.

16. Hold the elevator.

17. Say thank you to the office cleaning crew.

18. Thank a mentor and tell them how they've helped advance your career.

19. Relay kind words you heard about your friend to someone else.

20. Stop by and say hello.

21. Donate to a charity where your friend is a board member.

22. Keep an extra umbrella at work and let someone borrow it.

23. Cut a colleague some slack.

24. Surprise a peer with her favorite lunch delivered to her desk.

25. Say thank you to your boss's assistant.

26. Have a stack of postcards at your desk and write a friendly note to someone.

27. Ask someone what you can do to make their day easier and then do it.

28. Tell your boss about the great work of a colleague.

29. Give thoughtful constructive feedback to a subordinate.

30. Say yes to a small task no one else wants to do.

31. Say thank you to a busy executive assistant.

32. Say no to a request you can't fulfill, but thank the person for asking you and give a helpful suggestion for its completion through other means.

33. Reach out to a colleague you haven't talked to in a while (no matter how long it's been) and thank him or her for what s/he helped you learn.

34. Sing someone's praises when they aren't in the room (and when they are!).

And don't neglect online acts of kindness!!

Here are 12 online ideas:

LinkedIn Kindness

1. Endorse someone for an important skill.

2. Give a testimonial.

3. Say congrats when they get a promotion or achieve a work anniversary.

4. Send a happy birthday note.

5. Connect them to someone else in you network who works for a company they like.

Twitter Kindness

1. Retweet their important tweets.

2. Tweet articles they publish in your own feed.

3. Give them a shout out and let others know why they should follow, too.

Facebook Kindness

1. Make thoughtful, positive, supportive comments on their posts.

2. Send a direct message on their birthday.

3. Post a "thinking of you" message to their wall.

4. Add their name to a comment in posts that you think would interest them.

As with any public forum, be sure to respect the boundaries of social distance. Don't risk sharing secrets or facts about someone that they don't want their network to know about and be sure to use caution when making public gestures of support through online platforms. When in doubt, don't reveal any information about your friend. Instead, react supportively to the information they share.

Hope you like these suggestions! If you do, check out my new book How to Network Without Feeling Like an A-Hole.

This post was originally published on Career Protocol.

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Why Being Kind is Your Best Networking Strategy and How to Do it

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By the way, my new book on networking came out yesterday!!! This is an excerpt. If you like it, you can get the whole book here.

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Opinions expressed by Entrepreneur contributors are their own.

Sometimes, people wonder if they even need to try to meet anyone new.

The prospect of new names to remember and boring first-time conversations can be tough for some. But if you're growing your business, networking works.

Being more Covid-confident about mingling with strangers, I recently chose to attend a networking event even though I hate meeting new people. I know I'm not good at it, but I force myself to do it anyway. At my company (Bospar), we have a saying that we're "politely pushy" - which means that charm and assertiveness are keys to success. When it comes to networking, being politely pushy can help make a good impression.

Prep your networking game

First, one must consider why they would want to network at all. The primary question at hand is: What are you looking for?

An understanding of one's goals enables better targeting of networking events. I look for events that integrate my interests, including tech PR, journalism, LGBTQIA advocacy and science fiction. If an event has some of these attributes, I know that I'll be more engaged.
Related: What to Do When You Don't Know Anyone in the Room
Wear something that says something

I recently attended a Pride Month networking event held by Out In Tech. Rather than showing up in a Silicon Valley uniform - a hoodie and sneakers - I chose my outfit to help break the ice.

I paired my shirt with a jacket incorporating silver threads and went extra by adding sparkling crystal loafers. My sartorial choices paid off, and my wardrobe was the conversation starter that I had hoped it would be.

Rehearse

I'm a big believer in rehearsals. I always practice my "elevator pitch," and when asked about my company, I play it cool.

"We started as a distributed agency years ago, representing brands like PayPal, Snowflake and Tetris, and we've taken several companies public. We also took on Texas over its abortion ban, and we're leading crisis comms for SF Pride this year."

All of these data points are something of a humble brag, so I try to provide these facts throughout a conversation rather than all at once.
Related: How to Become a Master at Talking to Strangers
When in Rome

When I arrive at events, I immediately get a drink because networking is a long game, and socializing in this way helps match the mood. I often approach people with a shtick and make eye contact with people who notice my wardrobe. And then I say, "Thanks, I wore them to break the ice."

Once the ice has been broken, I engage in active listening and do my best to understand each person's job and aspirations. I strive to spend five minutes and then excuse myself to meet other people.

Networking events mean you can be transactional and people accept that. I usually hand people my card and promise to follow up to indicate the end of the conversation. I consider it professional speed dating.

Best practices

I follow a pattern during events. I take laps around the bar, looking for opportunities for an "in," like finding a wallflower or a group needing an interruption.

I start with my typical, "Hey, I hope you don't mind, but I really wanted to introduce myself to you." I find that you can be a touch bossy at networking events as long as it seems there's an engaging quality about the other person that draws you in.

There are some networking ideas that I've thought about stealing, like a nametag reading, "Working at Tesla - for now."

Successful networking is really about bringing all of your skills together to connect with people. Treat each networking event like a date, and dress to be memorable. Interact quickly and often, and give others what they need from your conversations. Post-event follow-up includes connecting with new professional friends over social media and sharing photos when appropriate to firm up those connections. Sharing those posts creates a great reason to keep in touch with new peers.

By integrating these skills, networking events won't be dreadful one-offs - they will become a powerful new tool to identify prospects and expand your network of contacts.
Business Strategies, Entrepreneurial Advice & Inspiring Stories are all in one place. Explore the new Entrepreneur Bookstore.

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Hate Networking? So Did I Until I Tried These Tricks | Entrepreneur

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Networking is essential to success in the business world, even if not all of us like to do it.

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Why you don't like networking and what to do instead

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Why you don't like networking and what to do instead

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If you're a normal professional, you may just feel at least a smidge of apprehension or resentment when it comes time to drag yourself to (or get dragged to) a professional networking event. Sure, sure, the crab puffs might be killer, but there are so many things to not love about these shindigs that I'd be here for hours if I tried to highlight each one.

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Because that doesn't sound fun for either of us, let's start with four common reasons why you don't enjoy them-even when you know (or suspect) they're important to attend. And then let's find a better option for every stinking one of them.

1. They're More Stressful Than Fun

Especially if you're not a natural extrovert, or if you aren't terribly practiced in the art of small talk, walking into a room of strangers can create all kinds of anxiety and tension. They often seem formulaic to the point of being comical, just without the funny ha-ha part. And this typically nets out to a fairly unenjoyable, stressful, and overtly corporate-feeling session.

A Better Option

Have you heard the news? Many, many professional groups (both the formal ones and informal ones) are realizing that we humans actually enjoy mixing business with pleasure when it comes to networking , especially when doing so lowers our stress levels, while still enabling us to meet influential people, gather information that may be beneficial to our careers, or grow professionally.

If you cringe at the thought of the "traditional networking mixer," consider heading over to Meetup.com or LinkedIn Groups to see if you can find events in your area that pertain to your area of expertise or professional interest while combining a social or recreational element.

In the Portland market alone, you'll find gatherings like these: Coffee & Copy (a gathering for writers), Wonder Women in Business, and a Tech + Pong hangout (for developers and other IT people). There are hundreds of these types of events, in pretty much every urban market. Go find a couple that suit you.

2. I'm Afraid to Approach People

Here's the thing: We're all afraid to approach people we don't know, just at varying levels of terror. It's human nature to fear rejection or looking awkward or stupid, it really is. And networking events are often just teeming with scary strangers that we dread approaching.

Given this, a lot of us tend to completely underperform in these environments. We go through the motions and survive, but we end the evening with very little to show for the agony we've just endured. And that's not at all what our goal is here.

A Better Option

First, recognize that we're all scared. All of us. That may ease your feelings of "I'm all alone in this." Next, if the event has genuine potential (and, really, most of them do), try constructing a game plan in advance, which will make it less intimidating to walk in the doors and approach new people. Consider bringing someone who's a natural connector, or who knows a lot of people in your industry. And ask that person to make introductions on your behalf.

(See? Less terrifying already.)

Or, you might create a game out the entire event. Challenge yourself to see how many people you can meet or what specific goals you can achieve before the end of the evening. And, if you can get your hands on an attendee list in advance, be sure and do so. This will make pre-planning much easier, as you will know who your "target connections" are beforehand.

3. The Events Feel So Forced and Fake

The events I most despise are the ones in which everyone just stands around shoving their cards at one another while trying to juggle appetizers, cocktails, and handshakes. I often feel like I'm in some bad 1991 movie scene, one that's overtly making fun of how corny and fake so many of these professional mixers are.

Seriously, does anyone ever forge genuine, lasting connections in these awful environments? I probably can't say, because I've admittedly exited stage left in the middle of many of these types of deals before even giving them a chance.

A Better Option

If the fakeness of "classic networking" really doesn't work for you, choose non-networking networking opportunities. This isn't an oxymoron at all. Sleuth out (and get your rear end over to) events that allow you to actually contribute, do, or achieve something while you meet like-minded people.

Raise your hand to volunteer at an event or for a cause tied to your area of expertise or interest. Organize a fitness group or book club specifically designed for people in your field. Join a committee within your own company, with the specific intent to get to know new people within the organization. You get the theme here.

4. I (Literally) Have No Time to Attend Networking Events

I'm absolutely not one of those people who says (in a judging tone), "It's never that you have no time, it's that you choose to not make the time." Oh, God, spare us all. Hi, I'm a married business owner with multiple children-who are in multiple extracurricular activities. I actually "get" what it is to have almost no extra time to be flitting about town talking shop over mediocre wine.

However, I also actually "get" how important it is to forge and maintain strong professional relationships throughout one's career. I have personally and professionally benefitted (over and over again) from having a supportive and influential network of people around me (and hope I'm helpful to them as well!)

So, what happens if you're someone with so many demands on your time that physically attending networking events is nearly impossible?

A Better Option

I've got two words for you: social media. No matter how good (or not good) you are at it or how much you like (or dislike) it, you'll need to harness the power of these platforms as a solid alternative to participating at live events. Your specific strategy should be customized to your own needs, personality, and comfort level with various platforms, but you absolutely must leverage networking tools like LinkedIn, Twitter chats, Facebook live events (to name a few) if you're not able to attend face-to-face gatherings.

Blipping off the radar entirely may feel more safe and comfortable, but you're shortchanging yourself (and may cause yourself a lot of unnecessary stress when you need support from others) in the long-run. Business is built around relationships. It is truly who you know in many, many instances.

So even if you abhor the idea of networking, try your darndest to find survivable (and maybe even enjoyable) ways to stay connected with influencers around you.

And for sure have a firm handshake.

Photo of networking people courtesy of Caiaimage/Paul Bradbury/Getty Images.

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4 Alternatives for People Who Hate Networking

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Let's talk about four common reasons you don't enjoy networking (and a better option for each reason!). Help out your career by learning these networking tips.

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With very few in-person meetings since March, COVID-19 has made building rapport more difficult than ever. No face-to-face meetings, events, or conferences to attend. No hands to shake. To some extent, what connects us as humans has been lost. And many in comms and PR roles have felt the impact, with far fewer ways to make meaningful connections through professional networking.

Technology has, to a degree, helped us maintain and build relationships without having to physically meet. Digital alternatives, including online meetups, webinars, communities, forums, Q&A sites, social media, content, profiles, and portfolios can fill the void to provide those in the industry with multiple opportunities to showcase their skills, while also being able to connect with like-minded individuals, and listen and learn from others.

Professional networking will always be a core part of a PR professional's role, after all, we're known for our little black book of contacts. With everyone now vying for attention via email and calls, rather than attending or hosting events with journalists and customers where stronger bonds can be formed, it's crucial that online alternatives are being utilised as effectively as possible.

Online networking-where to begin?

The obvious place to start is LinkedIn. With over 700 million active users, there's a good reason that the platform is often the first port of call for networking. However, a recent study showed that very few LinkedIn users felt that their connections were useful and also highlighted the 'spam problem' on the platform. It is up for debate whether this is due to the poor quality of connections, or people finding it difficult to use the platform to network effectively but overall, perceptions of LinkedIn being a place to maintain and nurture professional networks is low. It's become a sort of online Rolodex - more about the storage of names and contact details, than for making meaningful connections.

LinkedIn has evolved a lot in the last few years, from a professional network to a marketing, sales and "spam-filled" platform, dominated by 'broetry' style posts and ads, with its algorithm largely dictating what its users see in their feeds.

What's more, LinkedIn is pushing users to upgrade to a Premium account in order to get access to features such as increased profile searches as well as InMail messages, which allows for direct messages to be sent to another LinkedIn member that is not a connection. Their Sales Navigator tool and expansion into new ad formats have increased the number of speculative salesy connections and have accelerated LinkedIn as a business development tool rather than a place to network.

So besides LinkedIn, what other tools, niche sites, communities, and platforms are there where you can build your professional profile and connect to others, without getting lost in the noise?

Video conferencing and private networking groups

Web conferencing platforms have provided an invaluable method of connecting in a COVID era. Not only are they great for hosting and attending webinars and online conferences, they can also be utilised for more personalised and exclusive meetups. Virtual roundtables are a great way to chat with core contacts in a more intimate and interactive way.

Breakfast and lunch meetups can also be done virtually, with the incentive of providing guests with a voucher for an online food delivery service such as JustEat to entice them to join.

Membership organisations, such as the UK-based Chartered Institute of Public Relations (CIPR) Greater London Group organises monthly 'DrinknLinks' for members and non-members. It's a place to break out of your specialist comms silo and meet a broad range of friendly, passionate people over Zoom and a mug or glass of your favourite brew.
Private/intimate professional networking using videoconferencing and private messaging groups is a trend that seems to be gathering momentum during a time where physical meetups are difficult. The secret is to look for invitations and members of these groups that you can reach out to.

Online forums and communities

Forums and communities are great places to share knowledge and get advice, but they also provide opportunities to network in a more meaningful way, as their members and users already have shared interests.

Being an active member in community forums builds trust and offers a platform for demonstrating expertise, making it a perfect environment for forging relationships.

Although everyone is there in some way to promote themselves or their business, users can generally spot the hard sell from miles away. Bear in mind that forums and communities are not the place to be too promotional, and doing so may even result in a ban.

Before posting or replying to anything, it's important to adhere to the rules and etiquette guidelines. Check out whether there are active threads on a topic, or whether a question has already been asked or answered many times before. Take time to craft responses, and ensure that posting is consistent. Try to give as much as you take - offer advice, guidance and connections to others will prove fruitful as it will be returned in spades.

Additionally, some sites may protect their communities from spam by only allowing those who have built up a certain amount of expertise or clout by interacting before they are able to start conversations, comment, or add links to external sources. Reddit is a classic example of this, where users have to build up a certain amount of Karma to be eligible to post or comment. Other forums and communities will have a vetting process in place to check the credentials of those applying to join, while others are invite-only.

Twitter

In spite of the algorithm making it difficult to network easily on Twitter, it's still a place where you can listen and join conversations with the people that matter - you just have to know how to use the platform features.

Twitter lists are effective ways to group people together that you know are either connected in an existing, or even loose network that you wish to join. Identify who the people are at the centre of that network and then establish who engages with them and contributes to their discussions and debates. As with forums, bring something useful to the party when you engage.

Hashtags have been an important part of Twitter since 2009 when the platform began using them to group relevant content. While the hashtag is often hijacked for marketing purposes, they can also be used to find groups, communities, and conversations that can be leveraged for networking purposes.

When looking to forge a relationship with a Twitter user, after following them, check out what hashtags they are using, what lists they follow, and what types of posts they engage with most frequently before replying to their Tweets, or retweeting them. It never hurts to promote others, so ensure that their handle is used when sharing something they have published. Direct messaging is a good way to kick off relationships on Twitter, frees you from the 280 character restrictions, and allows you to have a much more personal contact.

It's also a good idea to follow hashtags used by journalists and bloggers, such as #PRrequest, #JournoRequest, #HARO and #BloggerRequest. Use the advanced search to filter topics and industries of interest for an easy way of making an introduction - with the added bonus of securing coverage.

Profile and portfolio pages

Having a well optimised, and professional online presence is essential for showcasing skills and experience and connecting with contacts.

It's sometimes easy to forget that much of what we post online is in a public forum - so keeping professional and personal life separate is always a good idea. Set personal accounts to private and point people toward professional accounts in about me or bio sections if necessary. Be consistent across sites, using the same or similar wording, themes and photos to create a strong professional brand.

Most importantly, keep profiles and portfolios up to date, and link sites together. Make sure you check visibility in search engines regularly to mop up anything that could have a negative impact on someone's first impression that could cause them to have second thoughts about reaching out to connect.

Finally, when networking online, remember that just like a friendship, a professional relationship requires constant nurturing to maintain a connection in a meaningful way. If you take more than give, then the relationship won't last.

While it may be difficult to meet in person for some time yet, forging strong bonds with key contacts in this new normal can still be just as effective when done correctly.

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Why professional networking is critical now-and the best sites for doing it

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With very few in-person meetings since March, COVID-19 has made building rapport more difficult than ever. No face-to-face meetings, events, or conferences to attend. No hands to shake. To some extent, what connects us as humans has been lost. And many in comms and PR roles have felt the impact, with far fewer ways to [...]

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LinkedIn is like marmite. You either love it, or you hate it. You know you should use it, but aren't sure how to use it. So, how do you expand your network on LinkedIn?

LinkedIn use has grown rapidly. In March 2021 Statista reported that LinkedIn had over 31 million users in the UK compared to 29 million in 2020. (Facebook has over 56 million users in the UK).

Mainly for business to business users, it's gone from being seen as solely a professional networking site. To now being seen as a site where everyone can share, chat and meet likeminded professionals. It's not just for those in suits. It's for everyone.

Many people still find LinkedIn 'scary'.

They don't know what to post.

They don't want to look silly in front of their 'work' contacts or work networks.

I think that's why LinkedIn is a bit marmite. You either find flow or the tidal wave of fear washes over you and you never end up posting what you've written.

When thinking about expanding your network on Linked In, the thing to remember is that LinkedIn is still a social networking site. Just the same way that Instagram or Facebook is.

Granted, your daily pictures of your morning coffee that you post on Instagram aren't perhaps what your working network want to see. But, the social element of LinkedIn is definitely there.

Unlike marmite, you can learn to love LinkedIn.

Once you are clear on why you are on LinkedIn i.e to expand your network, using LinkedIn becomes a lot easier.

Here are some ways to expand your network on LinkedIn.

Follow people in your niche, See who they are working with. Build up a list of organisations that you want to follow and eventually work with. Keep an eye on any job opportunities they share.

Look. Look at people's profiles. See what they do and who they are connected with. Take a look at whose posts they are commenting on. Follow or connect with people with who you would like to network with.

Be Social. Reminder. LinkedIn is a social platform. So, be social. Comment on others' posts, bring your viewpoint when commenting. Do you agree with the post? Do you have anything to add?

Build knowledge. This is where I feel LinkedIn comes into its own. There is so much knowledge and experience shared on LinkedIn by fellow users. Read, enjoy and comment on what is being shared. I've found some brilliant informative free weekly webinars to attend. I've seen books recommended that I have never heard of.

Ask questions. If no one answers then it doesn't matter. You are still showing up and starting conversation.

Share your expertise. Share a top tip. Share a resource that you've used that you have found useful. Being seen as a person who wants to share is key to expanding your network on LinkedIn.

Pay it forward. If you've seen an article that you have found interesting, share it. My LinkedIn network has grown from reading LinkedIn articles and either connecting with the author, or sharing the article.

Take inspiration from what others post. You aren't looking to copy their posts but you can create your own posts in your own words and give your own viewpoint. Credit the original person. Let them know that their post triggered you to think about this topic. This is a great way to start conversations and network on LinkedIn.

By expanding your network on LinkedIn, you will find that by default, you will find new job opportunities.

That could be through the people that you follow sharing opportunities.

It could be through you looking at where people work and doing your own research organisations you may want to work with. Then checking these organisations websites.

It could be that people you have connected with recommending a role they have seen to you.

It could be by you proactively contacting organisations that you follow on LinkedIn.

I have found at least three of my freelance roles through building my network on LinkedIn. Some of these I have found on LinkedIn, researched, connected with, and then approached myself. Some have approached me.

Reconnect with former colleagues. Arrange virtual coffee chats with those you know well. Comment and start conversations with those that you would like to network with.

Treat your network on LinkedIn as any virtual work community.

Reconnect with former colleagues. Arrange virtual coffee chats with those you know well. Comment and start conversations with those that you would like to network.

Be willing to share. Be willing to give back. Be willing to take part in conversations. Because that's how networks are formed and how they grow. Expanding your network on LinkedIn is no different.

If you want to take your LinkedIn learning further I would highly recommend following John Espirian on LinkedIn. He shares lots of advice on LinkedIn as a social platform and how you can get the most of it.

I've found LinkedIn a welcoming platform to be on. My LinkedIn network has expanded through being social. It's a place where I've found job opportunities. It's a platform where I have connected with work colleagues I'd lost contact with.

As with most things in life, you get out what you put in. LinkedIn is no different.

This article is written by Konica Stones.

If you'd like to connect, you can find me over on LinkedIn.

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How to expand your network on LinkedIn and find a job.

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LinkedIn is like marmite. You either love it, or you hate it. You know you should use it, but aren't sure how to use it. So, how do you expand your network on LinkedIn? LinkedIn use has grown...

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Assertiveness communication is often associated with force and intimidation, but this undermines the effectiveness of assertive communication and its value in maintaining strong professional and personal relationships.

Let's look at what assertive communication is, when to use it, and how to apply it for optimal results.

What is Assertive Communication?

If you find yourself in a difficult situation, assertiveness helps you to convey your message directly without being perceived as disrespectful or overbearing. This enables you to express a wide range of thoughts and feelings in an open and honest way without hurting or alienating others.

To see the value of assertiveness, compare it to behaviours we tend to resort to when difficult situations arise:

Direct aggression: bossy, intolerant, and overbearing

Indirect aggression: sarcastic, insinuating and guilt-inducing

Submissive: passive, submissive, and apologetic

Assertive: direct, honest, and responsible.

Used appropriately, assertiveness can help you achieve goals and protect yourself from being taken advantage of.
Learn more about the Benefits of Being Assertive
Your Assertiveness Toolkit

When you need to be assertive, capitalise on your natural tools to convey and reinforce your message. Think about how you use different aspects of your body:

Eye contact: demonstrate that you are interested and sincere

Body posture: face the person to reinforce interest without being intimidating

Voice: use a calm and convincing tone

Timing: judge the best moment to respond for maximum impact

Gestures: add emphasis to key points.

Read - Assertiveness - Top Ten Tips
Six Assertive Communication Techniques

Here are some of the most effective assertive communication techniques:

I Statements

Use I instead of You to indicate you take ownership of the situation without attributing blame.

These statements have three components:

For example, " I feel frustrated when you are late for meetings. I don't like to go over points I've already covered."

Repeating

If your request is ignored, repeat it calmly in various ways so you stick to your point. For example, you could avoid a pushy salesperson with statements such as:

Fogging

This helps you to receive criticism without getting anxious and defensive or submitting to someone who may be trying to manipulate you. Simply acknowledge the criticism, and agree that there may be some truth to it, but reserve judgement. For example:

"I agree there are probably times when I don't answer your questions adequately."

Negative Enquiry

This is useful for examining criticism from those closest to you. If you hear a critical comment, learn more about it, but only take it on board if you feel it has validity. For example, "So you think I'm not interested?"

Negative Assertion

This is a great technique for examining criticism that you recognise may be true. Tentatively and sympathetically agree with the criticism, but do not apologise until you have considered it in more detail. For example, "Yes, you're right. I don't always listen closely to what you say."

Problems With Assertiveness

Bear in mind that assertive communication techniques can make for more difficult situations if used poorly or too often. Sudden use of assertiveness can be received as an act of aggression, particularly if the person isn't expecting it or if they simply don't approve of this style of communication.

Most importantly, assertiveness should never become your default style as it will lose its potency. It is also worth understanding the seven barriers to communication that can cause a wider range of issues that impede collaboration.

Developing Assertive Communication Skills

Take time to practice how you want to look and sound when you are assertive. It can help to keep the three Cs of assertive communication in mind:

Confidence: stay composed, and believe in yourself and what you are saying

Clarity: make sure your message is clear and easy to understand

Control: monitor the situation closely and adapt accordingly.

Work on your eye contact and body language, and practice controlling your voice so it is direct but non-aggressive. Practising is particularly useful for I statements as it helps to divorce your emotions from them.

There are assertiveness courses that can develop your skills, as can books on a wide range of topics such as body language.

When you match psychology with effective communication skills you get a powerful combination.
Check out How to Boost your everyday communication skills
This article was originally contributed by Lee Hopkins.

Assertiveness Communication Skills

Impact Factory runs
One-Day Assertiveness Course Tailored Assertiveness Training Two-Day Assertiveness Training Course Tailored Communication Skills Training
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Assertive Communication - 6 Tips For Effective Use

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Here you will find some useful guidelines to ensure your successful use of an assertive communication style, techniques & more.

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Building Confidence as an Introverted Minority

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Building Confidence as an Introverted Minority

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The Life Transforming Magic of the Perfect Day Exercise

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The Life Transforming Magic of the Perfect Day Exercise

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Confidence in autism is a funny thing as, whilst you would expect a condition defined by anxiety and social complications to see autistic people have the self-esteem of a dormouse, for many people with autism, confidence flows through us like a student who states they 'work better under pressure' (before they realise that they don't).

Of course, this autistic confidence can be hard to find as we barricade ourselves behind routines and rituals. Yet, if you can source the key to Fort Comfort Zone, inside you will find one self-assured autist desperate to communicate (if it's a topic we're interested in) and up to learn/take on new opportunities (so long as they don't seem too 'new').

But how do you get access to an autistic person's confident side and what can we do to pull this confidence out? Well, today, I have ten such suggestions on this very topic.

1. Pick your Battles

Confidence can often feel like rolling a big old boulder. When it's going well, we have great momentum and things only seem to get easier but, when we hit a bump, we can see our confidence greatly decrease - which, for autistic people who tend to over analyse, can be a particular problem as we usually dwell that extra bit longer on any blows to our self-esteem.

To avoid the Holy Grail level of retreat which this can cause, autistic people should be encouraged to try and get their confidence boulder rolling early. This can be done by building up a momentum with a series of smaller/similar experiences first. For example, if an autistic person freezes up in crowds, start with short meetings where the number of people they do know outweigh those they don't.

Alternatively, it's fully justified to avoid an overly hazardous event if you feel it will do more damage in the long run. However, before you do call in to say that your dog ate your desire to show up, consider whether you are really doing this because you believe it will help or whether it's just plain old jitters getting the better of a situation.

2. Build New Skills

If we consider that confidence is self-belief in our skills and abilities, then it's unquestionable that, for those who are currently lacking in it, picking up a new skill or ability can help improve it. This can come in the form of joining a club or starting a new hobby - ideas for which can be found in my 2 autistic hobbies, activities and sports articles, which include highlights such as:

Drawing

Swimming

Trampolining

Yoga

Chess

Dungeons & Dragons

[read the full articles here and here]

Of course, whilst the range of options might at first seem overwhelming (and you may even pick the wrong choice first time around), once you do find something you can sink your teeth into, the benefits are visible almost immediately, as we cut our teeth on meeting and interacting with people in a situation where we don't have to rely on words (was that too many 'teeth' metaphors?).

Nevertheless, it should be worth noting that, when picking up any new skill like this, there will always be a learning curve - which at some point or another can work to pit us against the enjoyment of these new experiences. So, when this does happen, try not to be deterred, as quitting at these pivotal points can make us drop further than we may have grown and lead to a dangerous 'I'm not good enough' mindset.

3. Celebrate Every Achievement

Confidence is unquestionably born out of success. However, for far too many autists successful experiences seem few and far between. Over time, this can lead to a diminished opinion of our abilities and achievements; a domino effect which ultimately hurts our confidence.

Helping autistic people to recognise that this need not be the case is therefore crucial in reclaiming a reason to stand up straight - something which is made a lot easier by encouraging autistic people to share/discuss/remember 3 things they are proud to have done each day.

These three things can range from anything as large as climbing Mount Everest to just remembering to water a plant, as it's not the action of remembering the achievement that will put some pep in your step but the realisation of all we can and do achieve.

On the note of recording your wins, I always encourage people to document these in a book (or have someone help the autist write them down), as few things will give you quite the ego boost as being able to get to the last page and realise you have filled an entire book with your greatness.

4. Learn to say 'Yes'

While your comfort zone may well and truly be, erm, comfortable, it's not always in your best interest to reside there for too long. This is because, while comfort zones do offer a nice respite for the active autistic mind, they also pose 2 larger risks to our confidence which are rarely worth the relaxation:

1. Any confidence you do develop will be fragile, as it is purely built around what you know and not what you don't.

2. While we all grow in some way each day, safe havens forever stay the same size, making them feel cramped over time and eventually leaving no room for others.

By learning to say 'yes' to new opportunities, these issues can be avoided, giving us valuable experiences to develop our confidence in a broad range of scenarios. Whilst at first you would think that this means saying bon voyage to our beloved comfort zones, what you will quickly realise is that the new can itself become comfortable, changing this safety vacation into more of a comfort zone extension.

if you support someone, teaching someone to say 'yes' is more about learning not to take 'no' as an immediate response. For example, if most questions are constantly met with rejection, try to understand their reasoning and look for a middle ground, which feels more like something they decided on (rather than something you had to negotiate out of them).

5. Learn to say 'No'

On the other side of the coin, autistic confidence can often sink faster than the Titanic if we feel that we are constantly being led into decisions which are made by others. This can be a problem for autistic people as, despite our mind's unique way of thinking (or perhaps, in spite of it), we can often get caught in the pack listening to others and afraid to stand out by sharing alternative views.

That's why learning to say 'no' in moderation can be a powerful tool for autistic people as, in two simple letters, you are taking back control of what others want and also avoid the awful possibility of autistic manipulation (more of which can be read on here).

Once again, for those who are supporting autistic people, this one is a little bit trickier, as telling someone to say no is somewhat of a Catch 22 (where they would have to say 'yes' to take your advice). So, instead of encouraging the word 'no', start asking your loved one what they think about events or choices and if they're not happy with it, then say that they don't have to do it, but they have to take control by selecting a substitute activity.

6. Overcome Imposter Syndrome

Many autistic people struggle to feel confident in situations, as we often feel like we don't deserve to be there (in fact, for some autistic people we even feel at odds in our own community, as we aren't an exact match for the examples of the spectrum we see). This state of mind, which gives us an inability to recognise our value, is known as Imposter Syndrome and, whether it's holding us back at work or with friends, it's incredibly damaging for our confidence.

Although not true for everyone, it's often the case that we develop Imposter Syndrome by inaccurately comparing ourselves to those around us. A few years ago, this was only a minor issue, but with the advent of social media (where everyone is constantly perceived as living their best life), this has become more prevalent as we falsy believe that those we surround ourselves with are better than us, or we end up having to push lies ourselves which only makes us feel more false.

Taking social media breaks can be a great way to avoid this and, if you use the time to talk to people about your insecurities, these hiatus will often lead to some great realisations like:

1. You're underselling yourself

2. Everyone gets imposter syndrome at some point - except, ironically, actual imposters themselves

7. Find A Confident Frame of Mind

We've come a long way since the days that we thought all autists were incapable of empathy. In fact, we've come so far that we now no longer see autistic people as having too little emotion but way, way too much.

This can be seen in how autistic people seemingly absorb any feelings within the room we enter, making the spectrum somewhat of an emotional sponge for hope, optimism and any of the other emotions which inspire confidence in people - see where I'm going here?

For this reason, surrounding an autistic person with things which instil confidence such as movies, songs, books, podcasts and, in general, positive people, is an excellent hands-off way of helping autistic people adapt into our more confident selves. Similarly, guiding autistic people away from any material which has the opposite effect can provide the same outcome.

8. Learn to Accept Failure

In many examples of confidence-building techniques, people will say that you should look at a misstep as an opportunity to learn and not a failure. However, I am hesitant to believe that there is a lesson in everything, as giving your all, only to come up short, or standing up for yourself, only to fall flat on your face, is sometimes down to luck of the draw; where subsequently pushing yourself as a result of this misfortune can set false expectations.

This doesn't mean that failure should be avoided at all cost though, in fact, it's quite the opposite, as trying to repress or avoiding any discussion of an awkward incident will only mean that your festering thoughts continue far longer than necessary.

The middle ground here is that, when things do go off plan, we need to accept that this is just part of life, where sometimes you win and sometimes you don't. In many cases this is easier said than done, I mean, I still think about when I stuck my hand in Thornton's chocolate fountain and got banned from the shop for life, but being open about it has made me accept it and helped me move on.

9. Take Care of Your Body

Okay, so I know you probably saw this one coming (and subsequently winced at the upcoming thought of exercise). However, it really is undeniable that, if you take care of yourself physically e.g. eating well, working out and getting plenty of sleep, your mental health will improve alongside.

Of course, this doesn't change the fact that most self-care efforts are long, tedious yawn-fests. Yet, for autistic people who can quite easily fall into a rhythm, our minds can give us a headstart when it comes to harnessing these advantages; as we are more likely to keep the activities up once we get past the usual hurdles, like restricted eating and general sleep challenges (both of which I linked have solutions for).

Additionally, thanks to the endorphins which are realised during both eating and exercise, these two activities can help give a temporary boost to self-confidence, which makes them ideal to do before trying out any of the other things on this list (just remember that this is only the case for eating and exercising and not sleeping - as trying to force an autistic person to do something the minute we wake up can only spell disaster).

10. Don't Change

'Fake it 'til you make it', 'Dress for the job you want' 'Play the part', it's frankly bizarre how many times people will say that confidence will come from being something that you are not, when true confidence comes from being entirely satisfied with who you are.

This is dangerous within the autism community, where suppressing our identity is so much of a problem it has a name: 'masking'. That's why my last piece of advice today is to simply be yourself.

Encouraging someone to feel confident in themselves is no easy task though, as it comes from being in the right place, at the right time, with the right mindset and much more. As such, if an autistic person does seem to struggle in themselves, try working on external factors that might be standing in the way and not improving the person themselves. For example, maybe harsh lights are making us feel uneasy or maybe too much uncertainty means our mind is somewhere else, for every problem there is a cause and blaming the person and not the problem will only make this worse.

Carry on the Conversation:

What tips do you have that could help autistic people build confidence and self-esteem? Let me know in the comments below. And, if you believe that a lack of confidence is the result of anxiety, then why not check out this article on 5 Tips to Help Manage Anxiety in Autistic People?

As always, I can also be found on Twitter @AutismRevised, on Instagram @autisticandunapologetic and via my email: AutisticandUnapologetic@gmail.com.

If you like what you have seen on the site today, then show your support by liking the Autistic & Unapologetic Facebook page. Also, don't forget to sign up to the Autistic & Unapologetic newsletter (found on the sidebar on laptops and underneath if you are reading this via mobile) where I share weekly updates as well as a fascinating fact I have found throughout the week.

Thank you for reading and I will see you next time for more thoughts from across the spectrum.

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10 Tips to Improve Autistic Confidence & Self-Esteem - Autistic & Unapologetic

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Lack of confidence isn't a trait of autism, but it can often feel like a consequence of it. With these 10 tips, this can change.

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During those darker periods, our confidence tends to hit rock bottom. We hesitate and doubt ourselves. We forget who we are and what we're supposed to be doing, and every single aspect of our life and business is affected.

It happened to me last year. A few significant things occurred personally and professionally, and my confidence crumbled. There was a moment when I thought I'd never get it back. But with a little perseverance and some helpful tricks, I've managed to recover.

If you're currently suffering, don't sweat it. These challenging moments can be positive. In the face of adversity, we learn more about ourselves. Discover our strengths. And our weaknesses. And, when we start to recover, we take those lessons and apply them to our life and work, improving ourselves and our ventures.

To help you get back your va-va-voom, allow me to share some tips on building confidence. The following tips have also helped me. (Thank you to those who supported me through 2018 - you know who you are.)

Why is this my first tip? Because I've done it and it has transformed my life. Yep. Just by not drinking alcohol, I've significantly improved my mental wellbeing, and the knock-on effect is that my self-esteem has improved and my confidence has sky-rocketed. (I might well drink again in future, but for now, I'm taking a break.)

Some of you reading this will be hoping I had a problem with alcohol, so you can distance yourself from "weird" non-drinkers like me and reassure yourself that you're not in the same boat. That's fine. You might not be. However, I was a "normal" drinker. Well, for a Brit, anyway. But I realised I'd had enough.

I'm not going to preach about the downsides of alcohol... how it can affect your sleep, cause anxiety and deplete happiness. If you suffer, you'll know all this. If you're one of those lucky people who can handle alcohol, then skip this tip and move on. For me, it was a no-brainer. Better sleep meant a happier, more confident me. And anxiety? What anxiety?

If you really can't bear the thought of giving up your beloved beer, try a few alcohol-free alternatives to help cut down. The quality of them has improved greatly over the last few years, so you can still get that nice refreshing drink at the end of a workday but without the negative effects. I highly recommend Big Drop and Nirvana. My favourite booze-free beer, though, is Paulaner's Hefe-Weißbier - it's just the dog's.

Consider whether you need Instagram

I'm not talking about for business; I mean, personally. Because let's open up an honest dialogue here: does Instagram make any of us happy? Really?

In 2017, the Royal Society for Public Health (RSPH), an independent charity that seeks to improve people's wellbeing, conducted a survey of 14 to 24-year-olds, asking them about social media. And many reported heightened feelings of anxiety and depression, poor sleep, body images issues and fear of missing out (FOMO).

It's not surprising. Sharing the "best" versions of ourselves can build an unrealistic picture: like everyone else is having this amazing life and we're not. It can make us feel like we're missing out. Like we're not good enough. We come away from the constant scrolling and feel terrible. And when not enough people "like" our posts, we become miserable - continually refreshing our feeds to see if we're loved.

The RSPH is so concerned about social media's impact that it's launched Scroll Free September, the world's first large-scale social media-free month to highlight the issue and encourage people to re-think how much time they spend online.

The evidence continues to stack up - social media can harm our mental health. So if your confidence is at an all-time low, it might be a good idea to delete any social apps from your phone and take a break from clicking 'likes'.

What's more, embrace the "now". Remove the urge to document your entire life to create a nice Instagram story. Don't film or photograph a concert for the sake of social media - enjoy the moment. You'll feel less anxious, happier and at peace.

For further reading, check out Jon Cockley of Handsome Frank's excellent article on algorithm anxiety for Lecture in Progress.

Accept that "perfection" doesn't exist

Sticking to the subject of Instagram, the pressure to be perfect is a relatively new concept. Sure, people have always suffered a little from the "keeping up with the Joneses" mentality, but social media has only pushed this to the extreme.

The terms "van life" and "digital nomad" are probably familiar to you. They hint at young, bronzed, good looking couples living "their best life" and touring the world in a camper van. Seemingly successful entrepreneurs "smashing it" and "hustling" to fly to exotic cities around the world. Healthy, toned women adopting impressive yoga moves on a beautiful beach somewhere - a stunning blogger striking a pose in the latest styles.

These people might look like they've got it all figured out, but the reality is often very different.

I grew up in a sleepy town surrounded by farmers' fields. When I wanted to go out and play, I'd call on Gareth and Nick next door and Leon and Noel in the other cul-de-sac. We were like the Goonies. Cycling around together, playing football, climbing trees, building dens - it was great. It was enough. We weren't aware of the wider world. Our small town was "home", and we were happy. We didn't compare ourselves to anyone or wonder if the grass was greener elsewhere. It just didn't matter. We lived in the moment, embraced the present and were quite content with our lives.

When did we start to want more? Was it when the Internet came along and exposed us to everything? Did Facebook play a big part when it felt like everyone was having such a great time, all the time? Has Instagram only made things worse? Are all these podcasts about business and four-hour workweeks making us feel inadequate? Have the subliminal messages in advertising been encouraging us to be entrepreneurs, city dwellers, world explorers, always pushing on? Is that capitalism's sole purpose - to encourage us to consume continually?

All I know is that when we "unplug" and stop exposing ourselves to all the content from social media or advertising, we're a lot happier. When we ignore the brainwashing rhetoric, we're more present. We don't feel inadequate, ugly, wobbly or boring. We're not continually hankering after clothes or makeup to make ourselves feel better. We're just living and accepting that perfection does not exist.

It's almost like taking the red pill and stepping out of The Matrix. Once you realise that no one has it perfect, that everyone suffers, you can feel the weight lifting from your shoulders. You can get back that feeling from childhood when all that mattered was right now.

Stop buying "stuff" you don't need and get your money in order

When I quit alcohol in January, I turned to clothes shopping to get my dopamine fix. Browsing websites on cold, winter evenings and adding things to my cart made me (temporarily) happy until I received my credit card bill and realised that all this stuff was causing stress.

It's an easy trap to fall into. We think shiny, new things will help lift our mood but we're just keeping ourselves on a treadmill - one that keeps us running when all we want to do is relax. Where was I getting my urge to shop from? Yep, Instagram. Bloggers sharing their capsule wardrobes pushed me to buy the same things. The problem is you can never keep up!

When I'm living a frugal existence, I'm happier. When I have savings in the bank, and I know, in my heart, that I've had a good month, I feel relaxed. I feel in control. And I'm proud of myself for not adding to any waste, reducing my carbon footprint and making use of the stuff I've already got. It's a great feeling, not spending any money.

And while I'm on the subject of "stuff" - when was the last time you had a good spring clean? I've had four since Christmas. It's so liberating - selling things on eBay, donating stuff to charity shops or giving clothes to my incredibly lean and gorgeous trendy mother.

By tidying and sorting, you end up with a more organised home. And you know what they say, tidy home, tidy mind! Read KonMari's The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up for some inspiration.

Limit your exposure to negativity

Yes, I'm talking about the news. Media. Twitter - anything that involves negativity. But what about being engaged in current affairs, I hear you say? As a journalist/writer, whatever you want to call it, I spent many years starting each day with the Today programme on Radio4. I felt it was my duty. Then I'd go to work, often feeling down, with no idea why.

Until I read this article by Rolf Dobelli that said the news was bad for us, and giving up reading it will make us happier. An interesting concept and one I adopted. I'm not entirely out of the loop. I catch up now and again. It's just that most mornings begin with some Cuban salsa music or something equally cheery and a little dance around the kitchen.

Speaking of Twitter, I have a love/hate relationship with the platform. It used to be far cheerier, back in the day. Now, it can feel quite toxic. But with many great friendships on there, it remains my favourite social media channel.

To have a healthy relationship with Twitter, I do two things. First, I limit myself to the platform via the desktop during working hours.

Secondly, if there's someone who raises my anxiety, it could be anyone at all. A ranter. A complainer. Someone who shares negative things. I mute them. I purposefully remove them from my feed, and I never need to worry about them again. Plus by "muting" them, they'll never know - it's a double win. I don't get anxious, worrying about unfollowing someone or blocking them. I just innocently mute toxic or negative people to keep Twitter full of lighthearted, genuine and happy updates.

Push yourself out of your comfort zone

I'm not one for public speaking. Who is? But this year, I decided it was high time that I put myself out there and shared my story. Standing on stage, talking about myself and my work, was terrifying but liberating. Once I relaxed and realised everyone was on my side, I found I was pretty good at it. And, dare I say it, I even enjoyed it. I felt proud of myself. My confidence improved. I also thought: what next?

You don't have to do a talk. You could find something else that you'd typically shy away from. How about going to see a movie on your own? Or jumping back on your bicycle? What about that book you've been promising to write? Even just attending a networking event when you'd rather stay in with Netflix - all these things that we'd rather avoid can open up new learning experiences and subsequently boost our confidence.

Sign up for a fitness challenge

The Great North Run in Manchester is something my friends participate in every year. I've never liked the idea of getting involved. All those people, standing on the sidelines. I'm a private person - I love to run alone. But this time, I thought I'd join them. Not only was I pushing myself out of my comfort zone (see above) and raising money for charity, I was doing something that would give me focus for several months leading up to the big event.

By having something to train for, it gave me the push I needed to go running. I lost weight, toned up and felt amazing. I boosted my endorphins and combatted stress. I dropped a dress size and bought some new clothes, giving me even more confidence. And because I was training, I was thinking about my nutrition, eating healthier and giving my immune system a good boost. It all adds up.

And then, when I ran that 10km, I felt even more amazing. The cheering crowds were hugely supportive. Near the finish line, I even heard one woman say, "Come on, Katy! You're making this look easy!" When I turned around to see who it was, her whole face was beaming. My eyes welled up at that moment, as I felt the entire love of Manchester overwhelm me. I'm signing up again for next year.

Learn something new

A month ago, I discovered an app for my smartphone called Anki, offering flashcard learning for any subject I like. As I run a creative magazine, it's probably expected of me that I know more about fine art than I dare to admit. So I thought I'll learn that.

Four weeks later and I can recognise a Max Ernst from a Francis Bacon. I know the difference between Sisley, Cassatt and Morisot. I can instantly spot a Praxiteles from a Canova sculpture. Ok, I'm showing off. But I'm proud of myself! I know so much more about art, and it's been such a boost to my confidence. If I'm not careful, my Roger Moore raised eyebrow will pop out, as I show off my newfound skills to friends.

If art isn't your thing, Anki has loads of other subjects: learn a language, brush up on geography (that's what I'm doing next) or master long poems. Go on, give it a whirl.

Give something back

Whether it's raising money for charity, helping out a friend or mentoring a graduate - being kind is good for you. From reducing stress and boosting mental wellbeing, it can even help you to live longer. Even better, it can boost confidence and give you a sense of purpose like nothing else.

Researchers at the University of California in Berkeley believe that kindness and related qualities like empathy, sympathy and compassion are a form of self-preservation - the survival of the kindest. It's a selfish act but one that has allowed our species to thrive. What generous action can you perform today to give yourself a lift?

Give yourself a big break (and others, too)

It used to be that we compared ourselves to a small pool of people; now we compare ourselves to the world. In this "always-on" age, it's easy to give yourself a hard time and think you're not good enough.

But that's just the thing: you are enough. You don't have to be continually striving forward. You don't necessarily have to get that promotion or build that agency if that's not for you. Where you are right now is enough - one step at a time, day by day. Just do your best with the time, energy and resources you have available to you.

Besides, no one will notice if you down tools for an afternoon or forget to post an Instagram update. They'll all be too busy worrying about themselves.

It also doesn't help that we're more exposed to criticism online. I mean, how do we feel when we read through the replies on a big design agency's tweet of a recent branding project? It's enough to make any of us depressed.

While the natural reaction is to shut ourselves away from the world, it's better to understand the bigger picture, i.e. to have compassion for ourselves and others. For example, most non-constructive criticism comes from a place of fear, anger or insecurity. It's about ego.

As humans, we're all flawed and prone to this behaviour. To combat it, keep in mind this fundamental truth. People don't mean any harm; they're generally just afraid that they 're not good enough.

Know that you are wonderful

The only other thing that has helped me is reminding myself that I'm great. I'm wonderful. I've got so much to give. And there are many things I can be proud of.

As Brits, we don't tend to pat ourselves on the back; we take a more self-deprecating or humble approach. Writing a professional Twitter bio is excruciating for us. But we should embrace our strengths. We should celebrate our wins, our achievements, our breakthroughs.

As humans, it's natural that we focus on our failures or mistakes (which are, in fact, valuable lessons), and the negative things people might have said.

Change your mindset by merely replacing every negative thought with a positive one, along with any lessons you might've learned. For example, "I messed up with the client's deadline" becomes "I've learned to manage expectations better and communicate with my clients in future".

Instead of replaying in your mind the negative things people say or do, focus on the good stuff: praise from a client, a kind act from a stranger or a supportive comment from a friend.

A little positive thinking, compassion and kindness every day can help.

When you've gone through a rough patch, what has helped you to gain back your confidence? Join the conversation on Twitter to share your tips, and I might add them to this article.

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How to get your confidence back when you've been through a rough patch

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Life, much like freelancing, has its ups and downs. There are moments when we're riding high and feeling invincible. And then those not so great times...

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Developing a healthy sense of sense and figuring out how we fit into society is a fundamental stage in adolescence, according to developmental psychologists. Erik Erikson's psychosocial theory (1968), suggests teenagers go through a stage of "crisis", where they explore and form their sense of self and identity. This stage can (and often does) continue into adulthood. Ideally, people come out the other side of the "crisis" with a healthy understanding of their own unique identity.

Identity covers many aspects, though most fit under the umbrella question of "Who am I?" For some people, coming to terms with who they are and forming a positive sense of identity can be challenging. This is especially true when who they are is not similar to those around them, or if they feel their true selves would not be accepted by those close to them.

For individuals who identify as LGBT (Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender), or are questioning this facet of their personality, establishing a positive sense of self can sometimes be difficult and confronting. While this is not always the case (some LGBT people have been secure in their sexual or gender identities for a long time, and have many supportive people around them who understand and appreciate them for exactly who they are), it is unfortunately common that LGBT people struggle with developing a positive sense of self.

Case study

Hannah* was very quiet when we first met. She had chosen to work with a counsellor, and yet held back whenever we spoke about anything that went beyond everyday, slightly shallow conversation. She was often sullen, and at times even monosyllabic in her responses. I thought perhaps that the match between her and me just wasn't working for her, and this would have been OK. If she had felt the same, I would have suggested she try out a different counsellor. This can happen sometimes, and if you are working with a therapist and the "fit" doesn't seem right, don't feel bad about trying to work with someone else. It's important that you feel comfortable with whoever you're opening up to.

As it turns out, the therapeutic relationship between us improved as we continued to work together. I soon discovered that Hannah's reluctance to talk was less to do with me, and more to do with the fact she wasn't even sure how to express how she was feeling. With a lot of time and patience, she told me that she had always felt like a boy, and yet she had a girl's name, was treated "like a girl" and looked very feminine.

It had taken years for Hannah to get to the point of realising something didn't quite sit right for her, and it would take time for her to think through her feelings, educate herself and understand her issues better, and accept herself fully. The LGBT experience is completely unique for each individual, and the following tips are by no means exhaustive. They are instead a starting point for anyone who wants to know more about developing healthy LGBT identities, whether this applies to you or someone you know.
*name has been changed

A path to develop a healthy LGBT identity

1. Educate yourself

This applies to all of us, whether or not we identify as LGBT. Understanding that there is no such thing as "normal" and that the world is rich and interesting because we are all different, is vital to be able to accept ourselves and each other for all that we are.

Throughout history and in all different cultures, people have loved other people, regardless of gender, and have felt they are a different sex to the gender they were assigned at birth. In some cultures, this has been revered, and in others it has been stigmatised.

Being gay or transexual is not a choice, and it's not something a person can "catch" or become due to influences around them. If this were the case, then people who were raised and educated purely by heterosexual and non-trans people would not be LGBT, which is not true.

Gender identity and sexuality are not the same thing. For example, a person assigned to the female gender but who identifies as male may be attracted to females, males, both or neither. This is the same for all people, whether trans or not. There is no rule to say who we might be attracted to.

There are many labels to describe sexual and gender identity. Transgender, non-binary, multi-gender, gender-fluid, pansexual, asexual and demi-sexual are just some terms that can be used. These labels can be helpful insofar as they help some people understand themselves better and feel they can belong to a wider group. They can also help, in terms of having appropriate names for groups that are not derogatory. However, it should be remembered that as with any label, none of these can fully describe or capture a person in their entirety. We are all multi-faceted, complex beings, and labels should not be used as a shortcut to understanding another person completely.

Understanding more about LGBT issues took Hannah some time, but was pivotal in her move to accept herself and her feelings. She realised she was not alone in feeling (as she saw it) "different" and she started to feel less stuck and anguished about her situation.

2. Challenge homophobia, transphobia and all prejudice

Sometimes people can be unaware that they're being offensive, while others are just plain rude and disrespectful. Either way, if you believe respecting all beings is important, then challenge prejudice when you hear it. At the very least, try not to be involved in prejudicial behaviour. This could be as simple as choosing not to laugh along with a homophobic, racist or misogynistic "joke".

As well as external prejudice, some LGBT individuals experience internal homophobia or transphobia. This is when LGBT people absorb social comments they may have heard against the LGBT community, and as a result have feelings of guilt, confusion and a sense they are not "normal'. These feelings often lead to depression and low self-esteem, so must be challenged. Challenging thoughts can be as simple as questioning where the thoughts originate from, and asking yourself whether this thought is helping you or hurting you.

3. Look for role models and make links with support groups

Happily, there are more LGBT role models out in the world than even five years ago. Celebrities and people in our everyday lives are speaking about their experiences and offering support to young people who might be struggling with their LGBT identity.

Reading about others' experiences can be helpful, especially when they have overcome difficulties and come to accept themselves. Seeing positive images of LGBT communities can also be really helpful in building a positive understanding of diversity and acceptance.

Hannah was able to find a local support group for LGBT youth, and it was here that she first listened, then started opening up about her own experience. She felt safe in this group to be honest with others but more importantly, to be honest with herself, and so grew in confidence.

4. Counselling is an option

Hannah chose to speak first to a counsellor because she wanted to have a conversation that would be private and where she felt she would not be judged. Many universities and some work places have counsellors, but you should check what their confidentiality policy is first if this is important to you. Private counsellors are another option, but there will be a cost involved. There are also services available especially for LGBT individuals.

5. Speak to an LGBT-friendly doctor

A good doctor should be able to support you emotionally, or refer you to another healthcare professional such as a psychologist, who will be able to offer you a safe space to explore your thoughts and feelings.

For some (but not all) trans people, seeking out treatment (such as hormone therapy) to transition from one sex to another, is a decision they come to after a lot of reflection and support from professionals. This is not a quick process, and isn't one taken lightly, but can start with a conversation with your GP, or a GP you find who is knowledgable and understanding about LGBT concerns.

6. When and if to 'come out'

Coming out, that is, telling others about your sexual or gender identity, should only happen when you are comfortable with people knowing, and when you have reached some level of self-acceptance and self-awareness. "Outing" people, which is when others share your identity with others without your permission, is never OK.

Coming out is a very personal decision. Often there is fear and stress around this, as people worry about discrimination, rejection, disapproval and even violence. Given this, it is important that you come out only when you want to, and that you do it in your own way. This might mean coming out in stages - so telling some people in your life and not others, and testing how you feel about sharing. The important thing is to do what feels right for you.

Hannah hadn't told anyone about how she felt until she first spoke to me and then later joined an LGBT Youth support group. After a few months, she decided she wanted to talk to her mum. She was terrified her mum would be disappointed, but planned what she wanted to say and when she would have an uninterrupted sit-down chat with her mum. Not all chats go well, but Hannah was lucky and found that her mum was far more accepting and open-minded than she expected. She was really helpful lending Hannah a hand to find more support, and decided to join a group for parents of trans teens to further educate herself.

Natasha Warren-James is a counsellor for children and young adults, and holds an MSc in Psychology. She grew up in Europe, the Middle East and Hong Kong, and currently lives in Australia.

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If you're LGBTQ, self-acceptance can be especially hard, but there is support when you're ready to be yourself

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Developing a positive identity can be tricky for all young people, especially those questioning their sexuality or gender, but these tips from a professional counsellor may help.

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Real Story: Finding Confidence in my Black Skin 

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Real Story: Finding Confidence in my Black Skin 

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Growing up in a racist neighborhood, a racist school, and suffering vile racial abuse working as a police officer and then subtle racism in the corporate world, Marie Williams thought she had experienced it all. Then her mixed-race daughter became embarrassed and ashamed of her Black mother.

"I'm often met with shock or even disgust when people meet me for the first time. I can often spot the look of recoil that I've come to expect throughout my life and yet, still, every time I feel disappointed.

"It's particularly worse when I have talked to someone on the phone before I meet them. I don't sound 'ethnic' in any way, be it by name or by the way I talk. Then, when I'm met in person, I often get the comment, 'oh, you don't look how you sound', or better still, 'I didn't expect you to be Black!'"

Marie Williams received that comment in a corporate meeting from a white woman and decided to challenge her. "She started digging a hole. 'From how you sound on the phone I thought you'd be a schoolteacher,' she said. 'So, a schoolteacher can't be Black either?' I responded. Lucky for her the meeting started, and I felt it wasn't appropriate to carry on."

Marie laughs as she recalls that moment, but at the time she felt upset and hurt. "It always upsets me. You don't get used to it. You hope and expect it will get better." She is perhaps able to laugh about it because she's been the victim of far more vile and disgusting racial abuse throughout her life.

Marie and her younger sister grew up in a very white affluent neighborhood in Hampshire in the south of England. Their mother was African descent from Seychelles and her father was English and white.

"People were disgusted with me and told me I was 'dead' to them. And that was from my mother, my family and my Black community."

Marie Williams Zurich UK

Most neighbors would not allow their children to play with Marie and her sister. "We got racial abuse from most of our neighbors all the time," remembers Marie. "It was stuff like, 'we don't want Blacks here', or 'you should go back to where you came from', or 'you're mongrel children'.

"It was normal. That was our life. If you've always had it then you don't know it's wrong."

Life got tougher around the age of eight when Marie started to get bullied and racially abused at her predominately white school. But looking back, it's the attitude of the teachers that angers Marie the most.

"I wanted to learn the violin, but the music teacher refused saying 'my fingers were the wrong shape'. Of course, they weren't. Another teacher decided I wasn't worth teaching altogether, believing I didn't have the capacity to learn and so I was stuck at the back of the class. It was obvious she was racist.

"At parents' evening she said, 'well look at her, she couldn't possibly learn'. My dad flipped, and that was my last day at that school."

From the age of 10, Marie went on to flourish in a private school run by nuns that wouldn't tolerate racism. But leaving the confines of school, racism soon resurfaced when she joined the police.

The police years

"I was told that I was a traitor to my race. People were disgusted with me and told me I was 'dead' to them. 'You will never be one of them', I often heard. And that was from my mother, my family and my Black community."

Marie quickly learned that racism existed within the police when she started her 8-week basic training. "I was ostracized. I didn't have any allies or friends. I had to watch my back constantly. It was hard. People would sabotage my kit or try and mess up my assessments."

When she joined her first station, the challenges continued. "My white shift sergeant was horrendous; she was awful and would treat me badly. She often put me in risky situations and did not give me the same support that everyone else got.

"On one occasion, we had to arrest someone from a violent family who were well-known extreme right-wing activists. So of course, I was sent to go on my own. Thankfully one of my colleagues Jim decided by himself to back me up. We arrested him and threw him in the van and, oh my God, the racial abuse was horrific. Probably the worst racial abuse I've ever had in my life.

"It was vile, vulgar screaming that people on the street could hear. He was so violent and aggressive. He hated me that much he purposefully tried to crash the van by forcefully throwing himself around inside it, hoping that the van would roll over. It was terrifying!

"I was expecting racial abuse, but Jim was traumatized by it all and wanted to charge him with a racially aggravated offense, or even assault on police. But we were told, 'you're police officers, you should expect abuse'."

Marie moved to a new shift, under a different sergeant, and her working life improved. Following two years' probation, she joined a child protection division and worked alongside health, social care and voluntary organizations that were more diverse. But racial abuse from the public - name calling, spitting, and vile and aggressive behavior - continued throughout her police career.

"It impacted me emotionally and mentally. I got numb to it. It was normalized. It was expected and it was just life."

"My daughter became embarrassed of me, even ashamed of me. She didn't want me coming to the school. It was self-preservation from her perspective. But for me, it was soul destroying."

Marie Williams Zurich UK

After 10 years, Marie left the police and joined Social Services in Wembley, London - a local government-led organization that protects the wellbeing of children and vulnerable adults.

"For once I felt like I fitted in. There were a lot of Black people; it was a multi-cultural organization and very diverse. I felt included and that I belonged there. I was also able to process the racial trauma that I had experienced, rather than continue to live through it."

Having grown up and worked in predominately white, and often racist, communities, the new job was a turning point in Marie's life that enabled her to realize that "Black is a beautiful thing; it's something to be embraced. I became more connected to my heritage because I wasn't afraid to do so. I was more confident in my own Black skin. This is who I am. I was finally able to own my truth."

Marie's newfound self-confidence enabled her to enter the corporate world and face down any 'I didn't expect you to be Black' comments. Although she says subtle racism can be more difficult to tackle than blatant racial abuse.

History repeats

But Marie's story doesn't end there. The saddest part is yet to come. In fact, history repeated itself with her daughter.

Marie married a white man and she describes their daughter's looks as Mediterranean with olive skin, green eyes and dark blonde hair.

"She's not obviously mixed-race, so if we go to the shops people look at us and think 'what's happening there?' They look at my husband and daughter and they're fine. Then they get to me and take a double look. Am I the step mum? Am I the nanny?! I've had those comments a few times."

A beautiful moment: Marie with her daughter Imogen.

Marie soon realized her daughter's school, like her own school, fostered a racist environment. "Parents and teachers were surprised to discover I was Black. We noticed Black kids came and went very quickly. There were instances where kids wouldn't hold hands with other Black or Indian children because they considered them dirty. And my daughter is watching all this behavior!

"She's thinking, 'I'm getting away with this, but if my mum turns up, I'm going to get it'," says Marie. "And so, my daughter became embarrassed of me, even ashamed of me. She didn't want me coming to the school. It was self-preservation from her perspective. But for me, it was soul destroying."

By this time in our interview, Marie and I have been speaking for 90 minutes. Despite sharing stories of the racial abuse she's suffered all her life; Marie is now visibly upset revisiting these recent memories.

"I felt awful. It was genuinely the worst thing that's happened in my entire life and it went on for a couple of years," says Marie, close to tears.

As with her own childhood, Marie moved her daughter to a new school that was more diverse and tolerant. But she also noticed a significant change in her daughter following the murder of George Floyd and the Black Lives Matter protests in 2020.

"She was 12 and old enough to understand what's happening in the world. And now she's embracing her heritage. She now proudly says, 'I'm mixed-race, my mum's Black'. She has joined the school council and continually questions, 'what are we doing about diversity and culture in the school?'"

Like mother, like daughter, both now realize that Black is a beautiful thing. They have embraced their heritage. Let's hope Marie's daughter - and all young people of color - never faces the same racism endured by her mother.

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Black Voices: Finding confidence in my own Black skin

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Growing up in a racist neighborhood, a racist school, and suffering vile racial abuse working as a police officer and then subtle racism in the corporate world, Marie Williams thought she had experienced it all. Then her mixed-race daughter became embarrassed and ashamed of her Black mother.

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Self Care: are you the only person of colour in the office?

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Self Care: are you the only person of colour in the office?

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I probably broke out in hives twice in one week over my career before realizing I needed to prioritize self-care...and quickly.

Finding myself in professional environments where I'm one of the few, if not the only, person of color is something I've become used to. It started when I landed my first internship, and I was the only black girl. Then in my next one, and the one after that.

I was more than mentally prepared for the daily grind of a 9-to-5...or so I thought. Even though I was evolving as a full-time worker, and finding myself in amazing places, not seeing enough reflections of yourself on a daily basis gets old.

As USA Today'sstrategic HR business partner, Patrick Colvin, explains, "Working as a person of color in a predominantly white environment can be mentally and emotionally draining. It is good to practice self-care, but it becomes increasingly important in response to problematic work situations, whether it is dealing with microaggressions, being frustrated, or feeling unvalued, isolated and alone."

Here's what I've learned about practicing self-care while navigating my career as a person of color. Plus, some strategies I recommend for other peace-seekers out there.

Meditation

As the only person of color in the office, I knew I had to find my bliss, so meditation was my first step. "Buddhist meditation practices are techniques that encourage and develop concentration, clarity, emotional positivity, and a calm seeing of the true nature of things," says HR leader and managing partner at, Arquella Hargrove.

"This allows for a moment of balance, acceptance, joy and peace, sometimes in the midst of chaos or uncertainty. "

Finding the right form of meditation for myself was a task within itself. Guided or not guided? Sitting or lying down? Transcendental or whatever the next one is called?

It's a maze, but I ultimately decided that taking the time to connect to my truest self was worth figuring it all out. 10 minutes of guided meditation (while sitting!) is what works best for me. Being able to do it from your desk is a bonus.

Speak your worth

Positive affirmations are sometimes the only thing that get me through my loneliest days. Fully acknowledging your worth and understanding that the space you take up is well-deserved and valuable is powerful.

A little self-love never hurt anyone. Far from it. Find an affirmation that speaks to your soul and say it over and over again. One of my favorites is from Queen Serena Williams: "No one can tell you who you are except for you." Repeat.

Find little escapes

I've pretty much mastered finding little ways to connect to my identity while I'm at work. The main way I do this is by listening to podcasts. The F.U.B.U. (For us, by us) mentality can make the world of a difference.

Shout out to, adedicated to "all things wellness, self-care, and self-love for women of color" for giving me all the melanin magic I need in my life. But even going for a walk and taking in fresh air can help.

"Practicing consistent self-care habits such as taking sporadic or intermittent breaks reduces the chances of overextending oneself while ensuring you stay focused, alert and motivated throughout the day," explains Colvin.

"These breaks can have positive impacts on someone's day by cutting the effects of stress a work day can bring, boosting our energy and confidence levels, which has a direct correlation to our physical health."

Journaling

I have a habit of picking up a journal, writing in it, and never picking it up again until a year later. Alas, entering the full-time workforce forced me to dust off my journal and take it a bit more seriously.

"Believe it or not, journaling can make you feel good, it helps you take inventory of the day's events in a safe environment where we can process without fear or stress," says Hargrove.

I write in my journal every day, but do what works best for you. Taking the time to decompress and get all your thoughts out of your head can help you feel less overwhelmed.

Build a support system

Someone once told me that meeting with other people of color at least once a week made it easier to handle predominantly white work environments. I took that advice to heart. Finding someone who can relate to your experience can have a profound impact on how you feel at work.

Hargrove elaborates, "The key to coping and making it work in an office environment that may be tough is to have a circle of friends to go to as a sounding board. This may be during dinner, over tea/coffee or glass of wine...whatever the medium, it's an opportunity to connect with others who have similar experiences to be available when needed."

There are always, always people in your corner, so find your community and hold onto that.

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How To Practice Self-Care When You're The Only Person Of Color In The Office

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I probably broke out in hives twice in one week over my career before realizing I needed to prioritize self-care...and quickly. Finding myself in professional environments where I'm one of the few, if not the only, person of color is something I've become used to.

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Skills Inventories and Transferrable Skills 

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Skills Inventories and Transferrable Skills 

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Transferable skills might sound like the blandest of business jargon but they're much more than the latest buzzword - they are key to your future at work.

In a nutshell, your ability to be resilient, solve problems, be creative, adapt and take on leadership will count hugely in any job you have, regardless of the industry you're in.

You can carry these wide-ranging skills from one role to another, between different employers and into different types of workplaces.

These qualities - which generally fall under the description of either communication, analysis or decision-making - are often the foundation of professional success and if you're prepared to invest in them, they could pay dividends across your career. Today, three quarters of employers prioritise transferable skills equal to, or above, technical skills when recruiting new employees.

We explain why transferable skills are so vital and how they can prime you for success, whether you're looking for a new job, approaching a promotion, or considering starting your own business.
Why are transferable skills so important?
The world of work has been caught up in a digital revolution - one some experts have described as the Fourth Industrial Revolution - where the nature of the work we perform, the way we do it, and what is required from us is all changing at breakneck speed.

In practical terms, this technological innovation means many activities that once required careful manual support can now be automated. And as robots take over more work roles currently filled by humans, this pace of change will only accelerate. As many as one in five jobs in the UK are at risk of automation by 2030, a figure that is set to rise to one in three in northern industrial centres.

At the same time, cultural shifts in attitude are helping to reshape the workplace. With many individuals' desire for a fulfilling career, greater flexibility and freedom of choice, more workers are job-hopping instead of staying with the same employer for life. More than ever, workers are changing industries, changing functions, taking sabbaticals and working remotely as standard. And the half-life of skills - the time for which a learned technical ability is valuable - is dropping, too, now at just five years. This means that technical skills learned ten years ago need to be constantly refreshed in order for workers to remain relevant. All these changes have pushed transferable skills to the forefront, as employers seek ways to hire those best able to cope with a fast-evolving workplace.
Hone your communication skills
Strong written and verbal communication skills are invaluable whatever job or role you have. They allow you to listen carefully to others, respond in ways that are appropriate (especially in terms of your tone and in context) and express your ideas powerfully, influencing others. They are also usually a marker of effective leadership.

As skillsets go, communication is one of the broadest but its key elements include:

'Active' listening - when you concentrate on what the speaker is saying and their body language, so that you fully understand their message and respond thoughtfully. To practise this, consider paraphrasing during a conversation. By summarising the main points shared by a speaker, you can show you fully understood and engaged with their words and intention.

Greater influence via public speaking - being able to clearly and confidently articulate your point to an audience (small or large) to guide them to come to your point of view. Make eye-contact, speak slowly and surely, and don't be afraid to pause to drink some water if you're feeling nervous. Take time to choose your words - try to be measured and thoughtful in what you say, and avoid clichés and industry jargon which puts people off. Think about your pitch (one that's comfortable for you), volume, eye contact (try to keep it for as long as possible) and body language (don't slouch). Suffer with nerves? There are techniques galore you can use - try this TED Idea article or watch speech-language pathologist Jackie Gartner-Schmidt in this TED Talk video.

Coaching to build confidence - helping to increase others' effectiveness at their role through clear communication and support. For many, the true value of much workplace coaching is helping colleagues to learn by themselves, rather than to be constantly taught. Use methods such as challenging individuals to stretch themselves or positive reinforcement, and you can help a team to build their confidence.

These skills can be practically applied in the workplace in a number of different ways. For example, for a change of industry from teaching to marketing, it makes sense to highlight communication skills to illustrate suitability for the role.

The crossover is clear: teachers have to plan and engagingly present lessons to students of many different ages and abilities, while gently offering feedback and corrections where appropriate. Similarly, marketers plan and present campaign ideas and often work in large teams where feedback needs to be given diplomatically. They must also often use soft persuasive skills to influence others in order to push their ideas in front of customers.
Focus on better decision-making and how to think strategically
Regardless of whether you actually manage people or a team, it is likely that situations will arise where you are required to exercise good judgment, proactivity and creativity - often grouped under the term 'strategy'.

It'll also help to learn to negotiate more robustly and develop emotional intelligence. An ability to manage your own and others' emotional experiences could significantly increase your chance of success in professional endeavours, as well as help you become more adaptable and emotionally resilient.

Other vital strategic elements of this type of transferable skill include:

Exercising better judgment and decision-making. Often left feeling indecisive? Explore practical tips to improve decision-making, including how to remove as much emotion as possible from decisions; rationalise your decisions by weighing up pros and cons; and consider best and worst-case scenarios to help you understand the impact of any decision.

Seeking out originality - try to think in an inventive and innovative way as possible to develop better ideas. For example, if you switch industries, you can apply your experience and knowledge from one to the other, test different business hypotheses, and bring a different understanding of risk. These should all help to infuse your work with a fresh, original outlook and invaluable new perspective.

Constant idea generation - having good ideas consistently is tough. Keep yourself stimulated by reading widely and consider taking a class or course on creativity and entrepreneurship. Take your ideation one step further by learning how to determine which opportunities are worth an investment of your time and effort.

If you can demonstrate good decision-making skills, it can suggest you're ready for a promotion - particularly in organisations where management of employees is a must.

Consider a software engineer faced with a choice: trying to fix existing software which keeps failing, or build a new fail-safe programme from scratch. She might weigh up both approaches, and consult colleagues for their views. Having evaluated all options, she concludes that starting over would only take a few more hours' extra work and chooses this option, also based on the critical factor that fixing the existing software might still leave the risk of future problems. This kind of measured decision over resource allocation and use of time could lead to greater immediate recognition in the workplace, more responsibility from their manager and a better chance of promotion in the future. It also highlights the engineer's proactivity - instead of waiting for permission to make tough decisions, they acted to solve a problem.
Boost your analytical skills:
Analytical skills are regularly maligned; for many, they can conjure outdated visions of number-crunching accountants in front of complex spreadsheets.

In reality, they refer to a valuable group of skills which turn on your ability to piece together a lot of diverse information in front of you, then apply logical reasoning and thinking to find a reasonable and accurate conclusion.

The essential parts of analytical skills include:

Complex problem solving - using a number of logical strategies to devise a solution when faced with a multi-faceted problem. It's made into an even harder task when you have a broad mix of options in front of you and/or incomplete information at hand. For example, a call centre worker might be trying to troubleshoot a customer's poor signal issues, or an electronics store manager might be trying to reduce theft. In both cases, practical problem solving tips include breaking down the problem into manageable steps and assessing the effectiveness of your solution after you've delivered it.

Critical thinking - evaluating information objectively and rationally in order to come to a considered judgement. Typical questions in any project success based on information might be: where did you get the data from? Is it a reliable source? How old is it? What biases might be implicit within it? This process of question and answer can help determine if it should be used to help you solve the problem at hand.

'Information ordering' - being able to take multiple elements of information and find a system to structure them in a logical way. This can be particularly useful in the organisation of alphanumeric data or in the structuring of content in written materials.

Of course, being comfortable using maths and statistics is key here - as is knowing how to process quantities of new information. As a rule of thumb, any opportunity to nurture your analytical skills can help develop effective learning strategies. It'll also help to practise the maintenance of a growth mindset - the belief that you have the potential to keep learning and growing from experiences.

Most of us face challenges inside and outside the workplace that require analytical thinking, and there are plenty of tools to help you. Keep your mind stimulated with time-honoured activities such as chess or puzzles. Alternatively, you could practise your analytical thinking skills with brain-training apps based on games such as Lumosity and Sudoku. To help with structure at work, it could be worth trying analytical tools such as task management apps like Trello.
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Transferable Skills - Definition, Examples & Benefits

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Find out all about transferable skills, what they are and the importance they hold in the workplace.