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Things I want to be when I grow up (but I can't)

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Things I want to be when I grow up (but I can't)

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My name is Tushaara Akilan. My name means Snow. I was born and raised in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia. I am an only child and I have two cousins that I grew up with. My current plan is to speedrun Kppn, speedrun University then buy a house, get a nice bed, and Sleep

"She is crying, she is dying and still surviving."
— Tush, 15-4-2024

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My favourite series currently is Percy Jackson and the Hereos of Olympus. It is the second series from Percy Jackson and the Olympians. My favourite book in the series is Mark of Athena (The third one) When I came to Kppn, there wasn't really anyone who knew what it was. So, I forced Shashini to read the first series and now she really likes it.

I would really recommend it. Its got a really good plot, and it's about Greek mythology. The characters have great character development and there are some really funny jokes.

My favourite characters are the leader of the camp, Reyna, and Pluto's ambassador, Nico. There isn't really a main character in the second series, but if focuses on seven demigods who come from different places and have different experiences. 1000000000/10 would recommend.

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I don't really have a favourite song, but I really like this song because it's very reassuring for me. It makes me feel like there's hope. Here is a part of the lyrics :

So if you need a hero (if you need a hero)
Just look in the mirror (just look in the mirror)
No one's gonna save you now
So you better save yourself
And everybody's hurting
Everybody's going through it
But you just can't give up now
'Cause you gotta save yourself (Yeah, I gotta hang on)

The sun'll come out
Nothing good ever comes easy
I know times are rough
But winners don't quit
So don't you give up
The sun'll come out
But we've been struggling endless days
Someday we'll find the love
'Cause after the storm's
When the flowers bloom

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Rises the Moon is one of my favourite songs. It makes me feel like things can always get better. My favourite thing about the song is what is says to me. In my opinion, the artist tell how no matter how bad the day is, the moon will rise, and a new day will come. It reminds me that there it can always get better. Here are some of the lyrics :

Days fade into a watercolour blur
Memories swim and haunt you
But look into the lake, shimmering like smoke
Rises the moon

Oh-oh, close your weary eyes
I promise you that soon the autumn comes
To darken fading summer skies
Breathe, breathe, breathe

Days pull you down just like a sinking ship
Floating is getting harder
But tread the water, child, and know that meanwhile
Rises the moon

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Recommended Books (They're really Awesome :D)

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Recommended Books (They're really Awesome :D)

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When I was a tiny child this was my favourite book. I liked this book mainly for because I love the illustration of the plants. I think the art style is lovely.

To summarize the plot, there is a kid Liam, who grew up in a town where you never ever see any plants. One day, Liam was walking near the old unused train track and saw some old plants growing on the track that looked like they were going to die. Liam was determined to save them and started studying about plants. He came every day and took care of the plants. After a while, it became a small garden. Sooner or later, the garden started to explore the town. Everyone saw the plants growing and got inspired to grow the plants too.

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I want to be an aerospace engineer when I grow up. I chose aerospace engineering as it combines some of my favourite things, space and making stuff.

Firstly, I always wanted to be an engineer. I chose engineering because I love making things. Engineering is one of the few jobs that you can have a really good pay and allows you to work with your hands.

Secondly, I really like space. When I was younger, I wanted to be an astronaut because I loved adventure. Being an astronaut meant you can fly and explore, the two things I really wanted to do. I don't really have the courage to do that now so I chose to make things that go to space.

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Other than Aerospace Engineer, I would like to be a Mechanical Engineer. I mainly like it because you can build more stuff and there are so many things you can do. For example, you can build and test robots.

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Last time I went to London was in March. I went for a traditional ceremony. I had to do it in London because most of my dad's side lives there. Me and my parents went but on the day of my ceremony my grandparents flew from Malaysia. In the photo, me and my grandfather (from Malaysia) are at the Strand. We came here to visit a cousin who insisted we come and see the Strand. We went before Summer so there weren't any attractions and it was mostly closed. I really liked it here because of the awesome parks. I chose this photo because it's one of the few photos where my grandfather is laughing in.

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I don't really have a best friend, but I have been close to Shashini for a while now. We became close as we were roommates after moving from Bangi to Seremban. It was just two of us to a room so we became quite close after a few months. To be honest, she reminds me of my cousins. She is very extroverted and we have lots of inside jokes. I hope she'll still be my friend until L2.

"When the internet is awful, but your life is worse."
— Shashini, 31-1-2024 🎀🎀

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I have wanted to go to Greece for a long time. Why ? It's because I love Greek Mythology and the architecture of the buildings they built. The architecture of some of the historical sides are amazing and it’s very fascinating that some of the structures are still intact and even open to the public. Other than that there are some things that you can get in Greece that you can’t get anywhere else (for a cheap price) Such as Olives. Greece is also widely known for its Olive Orchards.

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It took me around 1 and a half hours to get here as I lived in KL. As soon as I entered the campus I wanted to go home. I moved all my things to my room. It was quite tiring as I was living on the second floor. Turns out this years' room was next to my old room from last year. I got some Subway and I spent time with my parents. I was settling in and my roommates were Chien Chyn and Sathanaa. Sathanaa came first,and I came second. Chien Chyn came last and we helped her move her stuff out.

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Today we are Voting Masters. In the Morning we had senamrobik and it was lots of fun. A lot of teachers came and joined today's senamrobik. Although they did the same songs, it was really fun. We had a CS quiz and then we had to vote. After we voted, me and the girls in my class took this photo. In the evening, after school, they told the results. Some of the results were sooo close ! When I came back, I helped Sathanaa record her video for MTP and went for dinner. I went to moral slot, had prep and the day ended.

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I really like braiding hair. Not specifically braids, but hairstyles. I think the way someone styles their hair tells a lot about the person. I usually practice on Shashini when I'm bored or during Moral slot. I usually find diagrams or video for the hairstyles on Pinterest. Here are some of the hairstyles I have done on Shashini.

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Archery is a sport that I have always wanted to try. I couldn't really try as my old school didn't really open it for everyone. I'm not that good at sports but I really like playing in a team. It makes it fun, and you get to meet new people. I decided to try as many sports as possible until I find something I'm good at.

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I kinda like Volleyball. We started learning it for PJK and I really like it. I'm not that good at in but It's such a great team game. Everyone has to work together to make sure the ball doesn't touch the floor. It reminds me of the balloon game you would play when you were younger where the balloon couldn't touch the floor. It uses all the players and everyone gets to play.

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I really like crocheting. I started crocheting some time around 2023. I was really bored in my room at Bangi, and I had brought my crochet kit (that I got from Christmas) I watched a few Youtube tutorials and after a while, I got a hang of it. I now make stuff in my free time. In this photo, I made a bee, it was the first successful thing I ever made. Although it's really small, I'm very proud of it. After a while, I learned how to read abbreviations and complex patterns. I figured how to read form diagrams and drawings too!

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I was very nervous in the first day of school. It took me an hour to get there as I live in KL. Both of my parents came with me. We had to bring our stuff to the room and my roommate was Shaaru. She was super nice to me. We went to the Audi and I saw my friend from PPCS, Chien Chyn and Patrisca. We had to do an orientation for the first week. It was alright, there were lots of monkeys and a lot of things. I doubt I'll like it here but sometimes you just gotta power through.

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It was a super busy day last Friday cause after lunch I had a combined Japanese class from 3 to 4 then from 4 to 5 I had to do this bio experiment. It was super exciting. A lot of people did it during the 3 to 4 slot so it was mostly people who missed that slot, or people who were in Japanese. Me and Aina from 2K7 were the only two girls there. So, it was just both of us in a group. I got to the bio lab at 4 but we started at 4.30. In this experiment, we had to calculate the energy value of a piece of bread and ground nut. The ground nut had more energy but I had so much fun !!!! We had to light the bread and the nut on fire and put it below water Then we recorded how hot the water temperature is then run it through a formula. I was so excited because I got to play with fire !!! I would definitely do it again !!

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I really really like to do hair. On Thursday, 9th of May, I did Shaaru's hair. We decided to do it just for fun. I started around 8 and around 8.45 Chien Chyn joined. We finished around 10.20 and I am so proud of it. We were at the Dm foirst beacuse of Moral Slot, and then we moved to Shaaru's room to finish it. Chien Chyn really helped me because she braided the hair when my hands were cramping. I was determined to finish it though. By doing this hairstyle, I found a really fast and easy way to braid hair ! Shaaru was so happy with it, we went around showing everyone.

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I really recommend the Truman Show. It's not my favourite movie but It's really really good. It's basically about this guy, Truman who doesn't realise that his whole life is practically a TV show. Everyone, his wife, his family, his friends, they're all actors. He realises it at one point and goes mad trying to escape. It is such a good movie. I won't spoil any more because you should totally watch it.

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I finally reached a 300 day streak !!! I do Japanese and Greek and Duolingo in my free time. I worked really hard on it and I am very proud. I did Greek for fun and I was super happy about it. I did Japanese for school and to help me with the exam.

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Foxes are my favourite animal ever. I think they are the perfect combination of cats and dogs. My favourite things about foxes :

They represent tricksters and people that are untrustworthy

They are orange the colour of fire

They look like that

They take care of each other in their family.

That's why I love foxes so much :D

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I really really really like making jokes. They make people laugh and smile even though they don't want to. I think that the sound of laughter comes straight from the soul. Its raw and it's special. It's unique to everyone. I hate it when people insult anyone's laughter, it's one of the few things that make people special and different. I won't write any jokes here because if anyone else sees it I can't use it. But I do like to reuse old jokes that people always forget.

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I have lots of favourite shows, but one of them is Bluey. It's technically a kids show but I watch it in my free time. I first watched it with my cousin and it was super entertaining. My favourite character is Bingo and Mackenzie. Each episode is around 7 to 8 minutes long. It's an Australian made show and It is very well done. This clip is from the episode called Movie i think and it's Bluey's first time seeing a movie. They take a quick break and go to the bathroom and Bingo goes under the hand dryer. Now it's one of my favourite gifs. I would strongly reccomend it to anyone who watches it, and you can find some of the episodes on youtube too.

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I don't really have a favourite colour, but If I had to choose one, I would choose Sky Blue. A lot of people don't like the colour of the sky, but I really like it. As it's the colour of the sky, I like to think that it's one of the few things that will always stay the same. Blue is suppose to represent the colour of peace and stuff but I just like it because it looks nice. But it can represent other thing too. Like it can mean sadness, but it can also mean freedom and loyalty. It's so cool that what colours can do, simple colour theory can change the way things are, like, a simple photo can depict different scenes with different shades of blue, and each photo can have a different feeling to it too. It's funny that the sky and the sea are blue. They are both so same but so different. They both are very open spaces, and they can mean freedom in a different pov, but they both have different things.

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My dad makes Apple Crumble. I don't usually get it, but I only get it once or twice a year. I helped him make it once, and it was really easy and it doesn't take that long, so I don't see why he wouldn't make it more. The filling tastes super nice, and it has cinnamon sugar, apples, and a lot more tasty stuff, while the crumble is just flour, butter and sugar that's grinded then baked, but the consistency has to be just right.

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My dad makes this really great lasagna. It has been my favourite food for so long, I don't remember when I didn't like it. It's got layers of cheese, mutton and pastry. It taste's awesome. We get to eat it often (luckily), and we make it when people come over, or for family gatherings. This photo shows the process of making lasagna layer by layer. I would rate it 100000000/10.

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Broken Age is my favourite puzzle game ever. It took me forever to figure out how to finish it. It's about this guy, Shay and this girl, Vella. I'm not sure what time period it it, but it's very interesting. It takes wayyyy too long to summarize everything but they have to go through a bunch of different adventures trying to defeat the main villain. They only meet once throughout the game and the ending. The art style is lovely, and you can see the completely different lifestyles of the two characters.

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I took the test and it says I'm a Commander. But I don't really know. I don't feel like a commanding type, and it says I am bold, but I don't feel very bold. I read a bit on the type, there is a part where it indirectly says I hurt a lot of people's feelings. I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings though, I want to help people. I'm a PRS, that's my job. It also says and I quote, "ENTJs are dominant, unforgiving, and unyielding." I am unforgiving yes, but I am not very dominating as I always thought myself as a more of a team player than a team leader. But nonetheless, I would still recommend this to loads of people. You learn things about yourself that even you didn't know.

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I'm a DIP student, which means I have to do PBL. It stands for Project Based Learning. Every semester, you have new project. This semester, our project was making a game using javascript. Sometimes our projects are individual or in teams or partners. This semester we had teams of three and my team was Chien Chyn, me and Jayden. We had decided to do a hangman based game and it was a pretty good. We divided the task by Jayden does the coding and me and Chien Chyn do everything else. So while Jayden was coding it, Chien Chyn and I did the intro, the two outros, the design and the categories for the game. I gave the storyboards to Chien Chyn and she animated it very well. It was so nicely done. While the code Jayden done was really great too. He had managed to input background music in our game which is usually really difficult. We presented it and our game tester was Aqil Zaquan and he played it quite well. I think we did really well and I am really proud of our game.

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Today was teachers Day and It was really interesting. In the morning, all the teachers had a mini sports day. They went against the students and it was really fun. I didn't compete but it was so fun to watch. After that, we went to the Dewan Makan to see the performances and the gift giving ceremony. Once everyone settled, we sang Lagu Negaraku, then the teachers had to sing the teachers day song. Later, the performances by each batch started and they were really well done. I really liked the form 2 traditional dance, I think they danced really gracefully. They gave gifts, then had the performances in between. My favourite part was the lunch. We had such nice food, it was great. After Lunch, we actually had free time !!! It was one of the first few times DIP students getting free time after Lunch. It was awesome. I overall had a great day and it was really fun.

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I really liked art. Since I was a tiny child I have liked art. It has been my favourite subject since primary school. I mainly like watercolouring. During MCO, my mom found this app where it'll show you tutorials on how to make and paint stuff. I think that's where I found out I really liked painting using watercolours. I usually paint landscapes, but I haven't painted in sooo long. It usually helps me feel a lot better and calmer. I learned how to paint fruits randomly once, I painted grapes and an orange. The orange I painted it the one in the photo. I think I was practicing lighting and I tried it on oranges. I'm not very good at art, but I really like doing it.

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I'm not really a fan of Anchovies. I see it all the time, and a lot of people are shocked that I don't like Anchovies because a lot of Malaysians like it. I'm not really sure why I don't like it. I guess it's because it's too chewy for me, and sometimes it's too salty. I really would eat it when it's crunchy, but If I had a choice I wouldn't eat it. A lot popular Malaysian foods like Nasi Lemak have Anchovies but I usually wouldn't eat them.

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Loads of people love pudding, but I hate it. I don't like the foods with that kind of texture in general. Both my parents like it and although I don't like it, I don't mind them eating it and it smells really great too. My parents make a really good caramel pudding. It looks very similar to the one in the photo. Sometimes we make it when people come over, for function or for holidays and everyone says it taste's really awesome.

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We got to have Hari Raya at Bangi this year, and it was a really fun experience. First thing in the morning we had to take a bus ride to Bangi. My bus was with 2K7 and a few F1 classes. When we go there, my phone had died, but after a while I found my friends and we all sat together. There were some really nice performances. There was singing by teachers and students, and some really nice dancers too !!! We had Lunch around 10ish which was really early and the line was really long. The food was alright but my favourite part was the free unlimited ice creams. I had to help people take ice creams but after lining up for a super long time I could finally take mine. I got the mint chocolate chip one which was really good. I think getting free ice cream made it really worth it. Later a lot of the classes took photos, and then we had to leave. It was a very tiring day but it was fun nonetheless.

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I think I want to join MIT. Since i wanted to do engineering, I looked up some good engineering colleges, and I think MIT is pretty good. It has quite high standards, but I think it would be a really good bar to aim for. I heard they have really good alumni and it would be so much easier to get a job as there would be loads of opportunities. I just really hope I will be making the right choice because all I know now is that I like making stuff. I use to be good at it too. Now i'm not so good at it. I'm really trying to figure out what I want to do in the future, but it's hard when you barely know anything about yourself. Either way, I'm going to settle for Engineering. This college offers both mechanical and Aerospace engineering, so for now it's my best shot. It's going to be tough but it's all I've got.

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Today we could finally go home !!!. Yesterday we had a Maths quiz during Assembly and an Add Maths quiz at night. It was alright but I got back at around 10.45, then I had to pack all my stuff. I had a Computer Science quiz today but I was still thinking about Add Maths at the back of my mind. So in the morning during koko, I studied for Computer Science. The test was alright. Later we had free time so me and my group finished our BM work. We got our phone around 10 and after finishing our work I was just using my phone waiting for 12.30. Once the time finally came, I waited for Shashini and we went to the Dm and had lunch. We took some photos with the DM caterers, then we went back to the asrama. I was supposed to help Shashini get her stuff but then my dad came early so I couldn't help her. I went back home, and unpacked my stuff. Around 6, me and my dad went to pick up my mom from work. After that, we went to go get a birthday cake for my moms sister. After buying the cake, we rushed back home and we got ready to go for Dinner. It was a shop just up the road from my house. Only my family, my grandma and my aunt's family came. After we had dinner, we returned home and got ready to sleep. It was a nice day and I had a lot of fun.

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I really really really don't like running. I hate Merentas Desa for that reason. It's painful and requires loads of stamina. I'm honestly impressed with people who can run very fast for long distances. A lot of people I know are good at running, or are fast runners. I prefer fast-walking or cycling to be honest. I try to go on walks every now and then but I always find a way to stop myself from going. Usually if you push yourself and run to fast or for long distances, your calves, or get stomach cramps. I usually get back pain, but I get back pain from everything. I'm getting a back ache from writing this right now !. But nonetheless, I have to practice everyday if I want to get faster. I want to be able to do cool tricks like backflips when I'm older, so I need to be fit to do that. It get's easier every day but the hard part is doing it every day.

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I finally reached 1 year on Duolingo. You get a cool status update and I'm really have for it.

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So technically this isn't a singular poem, but a book that contains poems, but, it's still my favorite. I took this poem from a book i borrowed from the library more than 3 times. It's a small book that's green, it's called "Flower Fairies of the Spring" Each page is an illustrated photo of the spring flower and a drawn fairy and a poem about it. My favourite season is fall or autumn but they didn't have the book at the library. I have never found this book again.

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Finally reached 500 a while back, it took me forever to find the photo. One of my proudest achievements yet.

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This is my latest streak, and I have never been prouder. I recently learned Hindi and Chess on Duo, but I am absolutely horrible at it.

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As someone who like never plays games ever

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Literally top 10 best games OF MY LIFE. It's like my favourite game in the world. The puzzles? Interesting. The storyline? Absolute Cinema. The art style? gorgeous. The characters? The theme? ALL PEAK. It's such a beautiful game and I played this a lot growing up. I has literally no fandom. I already wrote about it on here, but it deserves more recognition.

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Such an amazing game. Maybe I just really like foxes, but the theme is actually so on point. The ending is heart-breaking, and I almost cried. To summarize it, you are a fox, who is trying to save one of your cubs after they were captured, while trying to feed and take care of your three other cubs, all while the forest you live in slowly becomes polluted. It was very very fun yet stressful and I would totally recommend 12/10.

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Easily top 10 games of all time. You do literally anything you want. It's such a creative platform, giving you opportunity to build, fight, explore, and so much more. There are different biomes and dimensions to explore and travel to, different mobs and entities to fight, you can join with your friend or just play by yourself. You can complete the game by killing the dragon at the end, or just be comfortable exploring all the features. It's so open to anyone, and honestly such a beautiful game. I would recommend it to anyone and everyone, it's really a gam anyone can play. No matter who you are.

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I actually started off pretty simple. It was all basic hairstyles, nothing fancy. I mostly practiced with Shashini. I focused on the classic french braid variants, crowns, twin braids, and some basic hairstyles. It's kind of embarrassing to look back at some of my old work, because how did I let Shashini walk around with that hair T-T. It's all messy and looping out, but I had to start somewhere.

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I tried experimenting with different versions of dutch and frenc braids, I was slowly beginning to do a hairstyle just by looking at a photo. I tried more complicated styles; fishtails, spirals, etc. I was slowly getting better and more expressive.

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There was nothing special about this hairstyle, but I really like it. It's a combination of a dutch braid and a cross waterfall I guess? I made it up during PBL a while ago and I really liked it. It was very random and surprisingly neat.

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Things I probably won't do but i still want to

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Honestly if I could be anything when I grow up, no matter how hard or if I had infinite money and no worries, I would be a violinist. The sound they make is beautiful, complicated and layered. It's one of the hardest instruments to learn unfortunately, but I still would love to try when I'm older. I'm not that good at playing instruments, as I am mostly self thought, but I'll figure it out.

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I've always had a love for languages. I've always wanted to learn Sign-Language, there's something theatrical about it. It's complicated, expressive, exciting. I've heard some people sign with an accent, but I'm unsure if it's true. it would be nice to strike a conversation with someone random and communicate without words. It's especially helpful as you communicate without sound, which can be helpful in many situations.

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I have been doing Taekwondo for around 8 years, it wasn't for me. It gave me incredible leg strength and the ability to take hits, but I just don't think that specific sport is suitable for me. I want to try Kickboxing as it focuses on leg strength too, which is my main priority. It also focuses on speed, quick thinking and agility, which are my weak points.

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I would love to learn how to shoot. As in handling a gun. It would be a nice skill to pick up, and you never know what situation you would end up in. No explanation needed, it's really cool.

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I'm Indian, and I still don't know tamil. It's quite embarrassing apparently. I've tried to learn Tamil for as long as I could. It's incredibly difficult, and sometimes the criticism from everyone makes it harder -it's tremendously discouraging, and makes me want to give up. I want to learn so I can talk to other people, although people say I should learn it because it's my culture, I couldn't care less. I just want to talk to my family and understand them.

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It would be really cool to learn how to play drums. drums are like the backbone of the song, the beat, the base. People add on instruments and tunes and melodies based on the drum beat. The drums have to adapt to the other instruments and always be ready with what's coming. I'm always impressed by drummers.

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Honestly even building a bass is pretty cool. It's always been so interesting for me as you can't really here it in songs, but if it isn't there you can tell. Like you only miss it once it's gone kind of thing. I think if I could be anything other than a violinist I would be a bassist.

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I'm absolutely terrible at singing and dancing, even though I really enjoy it. I feel like those characters from shows that really like doing something but are comically bad at it, and everyone laughs at them. I'm no good at either, but once I get better I hope I have the courage to dance and sing with other people. One day I will.

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This is also a bit about the violin thing, I really wan to perform with a group of people on a stage. we would all get to work together in a perfect harmony. If I could choose one piece to perform it would be Cafe 1930 with a guitar or as an Orchestra it would bet the how to train your dragon soundtrack.

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If it's not already obvious, I want to be a violinist, but I can't. It's the hardest instrument in the world. It would honestly be a dream. I could be a part-timer, and still do my real job on the side, but that's just hopeful thinking.

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If I pursue these I won't be up to my 'full potential' and it won't be a 'real job' for someone who went to a boarding school for 'genius' kids.

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Knife thrower, Trapeze artist, ringmaster, strongwoman, you name it, I want to try them all. Especially the first three, I feel like being part of a performing community that's like a family and also inspires and brings joy to millions would heal something in me.

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These but I have stage fright and not enough people skills to talk to a crowd.

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Nothing special about it. I want to be able to perform complicated pieces that can convey emotion without words. That without making any verbal sound, it can make people feel. The dramatics, the climax, everything. How they move, how they perform, it's quite impressive. There are so many pieces you could play. It's a very old instrument with several historical ties, and it has some sort of specific flair that makes it different from other instruments. Especially piano, I feel like it's the base of most.

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Performing magic is literally the coolest thing ever. Being a magician is the closest thing i could get to having powers and I get to inspire and awe people and it would mean the world. There would be people trying to learn from me, understand my tricks, I could perform my magic on stage and trick or confuse the audience. It would be mostly for the awe and comedy factor though (and the fact I could do magic!!!) Learning Cardistry too is a huge factor just because I think It would be cool and it involves calculations. I would get to wear cool costumes and have a pretty assistant that could help me and we could work together. Most of my interest come from one of the best movie trilogies ever, Now You See Me (all three movies)

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I think I would be a wonderful actor. I could be anyone in the world, I could make stories and dreams come to life. I could be on screen and people would love me. I would represent the person I'm acting as, I would be their face, and people would respect it and show their appreciation (making fanarts, edits, whatever) I would be able to be friends with other actors and have influence and have fun. I could do cool tricks and encapsulate the character in whichever scene perfectly. I want people to know me as my character and not my name.