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AGONY AUNT -  I have a serious crush on my teacher – should I tell her?

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AGONY AUNT -  I have a serious crush on my teacher – should I tell her?

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I’m a 16-year-old student harboring ardent feelings for a teacher. She’s an absolutely wonderful (in my view, angelic) human being, who seems utterly devoted to what she does and is terribly cordial to us students. It is out of awe for her personality, and gratitude for how she’s made a mark in my life, that I feel so attached to her. She’s in her late 20s, I suppose, but I feel she could be 18. My feelings are not sexual, but my social circles make barely any room for this possibility. I can find little solace in my friends for fear that they’d mock me because she’s not considered a looker. I feel an urge to tell her how amazing and adored she is, but fear she’ll be threatened or affronted, or that she’ll feel pained for me and not know how to respond.

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I have a 23-year-old daughter. Her mother and I split up when she was seven due to her mother’s infidelity. I still see my daughter regularly and she is close to my wife and the two other children we have. My daughter didn’t have a “proper” boyfriend until she was in her late teens. Last week I was informed that her new boyfriend is a little older than her. It transpires he’s 48! He also has a wife and two children who he is preparing to leave to be with my daughter. I am, in equal measures, furious, horrified, embarrassed, ashamed and desperate. This new boyfriend is older than my wife, who is 46. I am 55. My daughter wants me to meet this man, but I am too shocked and angry that a man of his age and with his responsibilities could behave in this manner. How should I handle this? I am too embarrassed to talk to my friends about it.

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I’m 22, single and very romantic, yet I can’t relate to women. I grew up with a womanizing father and ever since I can remember he has made comments about women and sex. No man in my family has ever achieved true love and they have all had multiple sex partners and lovers, betraying the confidence of wives and long-term girlfriends. My great grandfather, my grandfather, my uncle and my father share this and some of me thinks that I can’t fight it, that I will become the same. But I struggle. I just can’t talk to women; I can’t play charming around them even when I have a good relationship with them in spaces such as work or college. I have “female friends”, but I can’t break the confidence they have in me by playing the love card. So I’m often the friend of the women I like. My entire romantic concept has been built by culture, by movies like Gone with the Wind or Doctor Zhivago, books like A Farewell to Arms, For Whom the Bells Tolls and long sessions of the Smiths or the Cure.

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I am 38, happily married with two children and have a job I enjoy. However, I have found myself plagued by anxiety about friendships and feelings of loneliness. Since having children I seem to have been on a roller-coaster of friendships. As our lives have evolved, people have drifted away. I now feel I am left with acquaintances (mainly school mums) rather than actual friends. I find WhatsApp groups stressful and can’t go on Facebook, as I feel jealous when I see events where I haven’t been included. Some of my pre-children friends remain, but busy lives and distance mean I only see them a couple of times a year. I’ve given up on phone calls, as people only seem to want to text! I just don’t know how I can get out of this spiraling anxious mindset. Will it improve when my children are older, or without play dates will my social life dry up altogether?

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I am a 30-year-old guy and I am really lonely. I was born in Iran and was raised in a conservative family and society. I went to university there and graduated with a master’s degree in English language studies. I am now at university in Germany, but I am not able to make friends with girls. I have no proper job, no future and not even a friend. I tried online dating sites; they don’t work. What is wrong with me? I even think of ending my life. I do not have any future going back to a country which does not accept me when I do not believe in Islam.

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Good morning, as you know the relationship teacher-student is prohibited in any institution, and more if you are still a minor, what you should do is forget about it, you can find new women with whom you could interact, and could reach You should also say to your teacher, in this way you will clarify your feelings, you will be to able  forget it more easily after this and to lead a good relationship without grudges, you will understand that it is not allowed to be In a relationship with your teacher, you mayalso not tell her, although this will make you hurt a little. Do not let those feelings grow you can look for it and talk to it, it will not hurt, if you explain it in a good way, but she should clarify things with you.

Believe me you will feel better

Good luck with that

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In my opinion I believe that you should implement activities that include others in your life, because you are too apathetic to the social environment and all human beings must necessarily be very sociable, since we need each other, regardless of age or circumstances. That we are going through, it may be that these feelings of loneliness are not more than the result of having gone away to form a home, this did not mean that you stop living for others, then you must recover all that.

To start you can join yoga groups, you should go for a walk so you can perceive nature and surround yourself with other people that help you to be sociable again this is something you must do now, you cannot wait for your children to grow up and have their own lives, because in the meantime what is going to happen is that you are going to get away from the world and your friends, although it is true that envy and feel excluded from many groups is also true that this has caused you yourself because you limited yourself to your home, you created a void in the interpersonal relationships that are so necessary for existence, you are the one who must stop this situation and you must find a way to start recovering your social life for your sake and that of those around you because you do not think they think you're bitter, or imagine that you are sick or tired, do not invite you to anything because they think it is wasting time , you should show that same facet that characterized you before, get married can not be an impediment to be yourself, think about it!

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I believe that you should implement activities that include others in your life, because you are too apathetic to the social environment and all human beings must necessarily be very sociable, since we need each other, regardless of age or circumstances. That we are going through, it may be that these feelings of loneliness are not more than the result of having gone away to form a home, this did not mean that you stop living for others, then you must recover all that.

To start you can join yoga groups, you should go for a walk so you can perceive nature and surround yourself with other people that help you to be sociable again this is something you must do now, you cannot wait for your children to grow up and have their own lives, because in the meantime what is going to happen is that you are going to get away from the world and your friends, although it is true that envy and feel excluded from many groups is also true that this has caused you yourself because you limited yourself to your home, you created a void in the interpersonal relationships that are so necessary for existence, you are the one who must stop this situation and you must find a way to start recovering your social life for your sake and that of those around you because you do not think they think you're bitter, or imagine that you are sick or tired, do not invite you to anything because they think it is wasting time , you should show that same facet that characterized you before, get married can not be an impediment to be yourself, think about it!

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This situation is complicated, first of all we must understand that unlike men, women mature very quickly, and therefore they understand well with men older than them; You can be clear with your daughter and you must tell her about the consequences of dating a man older than her and you need to explain her the kind of responsibilities he already has, you have to tell her the problem she will face when this man's wife finds out that her husband goes out with a younger girl and is destroying his family.

ü We should highlight that perhaps the separation from you when she was only 7 years old was difficult for her and this could affect her in such a way that her current behavior is showing it.

ü You as a father should show her confidence, tell her that you trust her but that you can not trust people you do not know and that's why she feels afraid that she is dating someone who is much older than her.

ü You must explain to him that this situation has him worried and that could end this situation very badly for all.

ü He could talk about his interests and get involved in his life; If you do not know who you are with or where you are going, you will not be able to follow their steps amicably and that is where the conflict begins, because she will feel that you are being pressured.

ü You should try to speak to him firmly but with respect, you have to clearly talk to your daughter about the relationships between men and women, what goes through the heads of teenagers and what others go through that of older men so that she can understand your concern and understand that the choice you make is not the best for her at that time in her life.

I hope my advise can be useful.

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First of all, it is important that you behave like a grown man, this means that you should be yourself every moment and you have to stop thinking that you are going to become a womanizer, remember that “words have power”.

It is understandable that you may feel confused, unsure or shy when you interact with women, but your amorous future must not be affected by your family womanizing life; you can shape your own future by being authentic and unique.

Would you like a true love in your life? I am sure that your answer is “yes”, so do not think you could not. I really have to tell you that having relationships is not that easy, but if you really want it, you might be able to succeed in love, showing respect for women, falling in love and having a solid relationship; you will be allowed to show your real feelings if you really want to make a change and feeling free to love someone.

You need to look forward to making your dreams come true and be happy with a woman that deserves your romantic personality. Life is really short and I dare you to be happy, to get out of the “friend zone” and take risks in “the name of love”.

If you like someone, “jump in with both feet” show her your feelings, I am sure you may be surprised.

I wish you the best “My dear romantic friend” and you will find the real love if you do not hesitate and take the risk to be happy.

With love,

Agony Aunt