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I had a few ideas on themes for some of these mood boards. I thought both the clear material in front of the subject and double exposure could link to themes of identity and someone’s perception of themselves, or alternatively, tie in with mental health and dissociation. With the flash shoot, I was thinking about exploring a person’s connection to their own body and how someone can feel out of control or not within their body. I wanted to portray these distressing feelings through uncomfortable, weird poses and using an external flash.

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On the other hand, some shoots didn’t have a specific theme so I thought it might be valuable to try a process led development approach. This is where you engage in the method of taking photos, reflect on the final images and generate a theme in response to this process. I am inspired by the ethereal, water, motion blur and lighting mood boards but I don’t want to force a concept on to them, so I feel as though a process led development might be more effective for these.

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Overall, I’m really proud and happy with my final brief photos, mostly because I managed to communicate the message behind my photographs, which was a personal goal of mine. Although I didn’t get to use some of my favourite images from this module, I think I made the right decision when choosing these final photographs. Additionally, throughout this module I was also trying to understand my own visual style, and I wasn’t sure if I had found mine yet. It wasn’t until I saw everyone’s photography up on the wall that I realised my unique, photographic style because everyone’s work was so distinctly their own.

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For a large amount of this module I was really struggling to find a concept that I connected with, but I am really glad I decided to express my own experiences with dissociation for the final brief. I feel like the personal connection I had to this concept is reflected through the images and I’m hoping this will emotionally translate to the viewers as well.

I chose these models in particular because I thought they would be able to aid in this viewer connection. All the people pictured are close friends of mine and I wanted this closeness to be expressed through their body language and sense of comfort in the hopes that the viewer would pick up on this closeness and gain a greater understanding of my message.

Visually, aside from brief four B, I wanted to keep the tones in all the photos fairly flat. I wanted this to represent the emotionless and two-dimensional feeling that occurs during dissociation. Furthermore, this is why I selected the studio as the setting for these images, I wanted to highlight the fake and detached nature of this experience. Through these visual codes, technical approaches and the posture of my subjects, I wanted to create a narrative and a visual of the feelings and experiences I have during a dissociative episode.

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I then changed my photographic language and produced the right image for brief four B. I situated my model in her own room and photographed her from further away using a 35mm camera and an external flash. The feelings of safety that are associated with a bedroom environment are juxtaposed against her closed off body language. This is further heightened by the use of flash which makes looking at this image feel very intrusive, as if the viewer is not welcome in her space. This combination of visual language makes the subject appear defensive and suggests that she doesn’t want the viewer to pry. This strikes a distinct contrast to the double exposure image which feels so much more vulnerable and expressive, and where the subject's hand is physically reaching out to the viewer to form a connection.

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I chose this photograph for brief five because the change of environmental context transforms the narrative of my sequence. The previous four images have been captured against a plain white backdrop and therefore assumed to be a studio setting. It provides no spacial context and so it could be inferred that you are within these subject’s minds. The last image exposes this environment and the viewer is finally shown a space that is reflective of reality. I wanted the studio reveal to symbolise how dissociation can make you feel as though you are living in a fake and curated world. I wanted it to not only reflect the aspect of performativity that occurs from trying to exist in a world that feels detached from reality, further signified through my model’s ballet costume, but also how draining this experience can be. I feel as though the concluding narrative could be interpreted in two ways, either the dissociation has passed and the subject has grounded herself and she no longer has to perform, or she has given up and is exhausted from experiencing the continual feelings.

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BRIEF FIVE: PRODUCE AN IMAGE THAT CREATES A NARRATIVE TRANSFORMATION WITHIN YOUR SEQUENCE OF PHOTOGRAPHS

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BRIEF FIVE: PRODUCE AN IMAGE THAT CREATES A NARRATIVE TRANSFORMATION WITHIN YOUR SEQUENCE OF PHOTOGRAPHS

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I selected the left image for brief four A because I feel that it is a true representation of my photographic style. I wanted the soft, double exposure to express the foggy and confusing nature of dissociation, with the two frames reflecting the divide between the inner and outer self. Each displays two different postures. One is a naturally posed, close-up shot, representing the seemingly normal, outer, physical self. Whereas the other displays an unusual, odd posture to mirror the detached feelings of the inner, emotional self.

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I picked this photograph for brief three because of the way an arguably traditional portrait has been altered through the incorporation of a hand-drawn face on an acetate sheet. This element transforms the meaning of this image, which would otherwise display a model looking up into an empty space with no context of her surroundings or her emotions. Instead, I wanted this hand-drawn face to express the way you can feel detached from not only your sense of self, but the world around you. I wanted to juxtapose my real-life model’s face against the hand-drawn face to further represent the way the world and a person’s sense of self can sometimes feel unreal.

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BRIEF FOUR: CREATE A TRANSFORMATION IN A SERIES OF 2 PHOTOGRAPHS BY SHIFTING THE REFERENCES TO PHOTOGRAPHIC LANGUAGE

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BRIEF FOUR: CREATE A TRANSFORMATION IN A SERIES OF 2 PHOTOGRAPHS BY SHIFTING THE REFERENCES TO PHOTOGRAPHIC LANGUAGE

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BRIEF THREE: DISPLACE THE MEANING OF THE PHOTOGRAPH BY ALTERING AN ELEMENT WITHIN THE FRAME, OR BY CHANGING THE CONTEXT OF THE IMAGE

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BRIEF THREE: DISPLACE THE MEANING OF THE PHOTOGRAPH BY ALTERING AN ELEMENT WITHIN THE FRAME, OR BY CHANGING THE CONTEXT OF THE IMAGE

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I chose this image for brief two because it is the only photo that doesn’t display the identity of the subject. She is completely anonymous and so the viewer is unable to gain an understanding or information through her facial expressions, unlike the other photographs. Instead, the viewer is encouraged to look off to the left, in the direction of the model’s head, and construct what is beyond the frame to read and respond to this image. I wanted this portrait to symbolise the unnatural disconnect you feel from your body and how it can sometimes feel as though you are watching yourself from the outside. In this sense, there is a focus on the viewer as being ‘outside of the frame’, as they take the place of the person looking down on themselves.

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BRIEF TWO: PRODUCE A PHOTOGRAPH IN WHICH THE MAIN FOCUS IS OUTSIDE OF THE FRAME

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BRIEF TWO: PRODUCE A PHOTOGRAPH IN WHICH THE MAIN FOCUS IS OUTSIDE OF THE FRAME

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BRIEF ONE: PRODUCE A PORTRAIT FOCUSING ON ONE MAIN QUALITY

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BRIEF ONE: PRODUCE A PORTRAIT FOCUSING ON ONE MAIN QUALITY

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I chose this portrait for brief one because its main focus is on its objective quality which has been constructed through visual elements and technical devices. When I think of a portrait photo, my first thoughts and expectations are of a subjective, close up shot which reveals a personal and emotional insight into that person’s character. I wanted this portrait to represent the personal and emotional experience of my dissociation, but I wanted to communicate this through a deadpan and objective style to enhance and mirror the isolating, empty and detached feelings that occur in a dissociative state.

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During the small class exhibition/crit we had on the final day, I was intrigued to see how my classmates would understand and interpret my project. I was really pleased because I received very positive feedback. People liked the photos and said they could truly feel the emotion in the images despite my models having fairly objective facial expressions. Their feedback and observations were really valuable to me because they pointed out things I hadn’t noticed before. One of my peers suggested how brief two looks quite puppet-like, as if the model is being controlled by something or someone off screen. She also pointed out how the crossing of the arms was echoed in brief five where the model’s legs are crossed. She commented that the model is physically out of the spotlight and doesn’t need to perform anymore and that she looks defeated and exhausted from being controlled. I found this really interesting because I hadn’t noticed the puppet symbolism or the body language being echoed. Furthermore, her interpretation indicates another element of dissociation where you can feel like an object and not in control of your own body because your physical body doesn’t feel like your own. After hearing this, I felt like I had achieved my goal of creating an emotional connection and understanding with the viewer because of the way she had recognised an aspect of dissociation that I hadn’t intentionally expressed in my work.

Earlier on in the module I read John Bergers ‘Ways of Seeing’ and he discussed how different contexts in which an image is situated (2008, p.19) or even changing what comes before or after an image could change the images message entirely (2008, p.29). This made me consider how my class’s interpretation of my final project could have changed if I had presented it to them on a screen instead of in person, or if I had sequenced these photos differently. It would be interesting to explore this in future to see if my concept could be understood differently with these small alterations.

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Overall, I’m glad I experimented with an external flash, but I think I want to explore this technique again in the future because I’m quite disappointed with a lot of the photographs. I think most of them are a lot lower quality or not as flashed as I would have liked them so I would want to improve on this another time. After looking at all the photos, I think the most effective ones were done on the settings 1/30 f.22 or 1/60 f.22, so I will probably use one of these as my final image for the brief.

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I used the external Metz 45 CL-4 series flash, but I did struggle figuring out the correct settings. The distance between me and my model for most of the images wasn’t greater than two and a half meters, and I think I misread the distance guide and was reading from ‘feet’. This meant I had my aperture on f.22 to have what I thought was the correct exposure because I thought it was three meters for f.22. Due to my confusion with the settings, I took the same photo multiple times with different shutter speeds and noted down the settings to ensure I would have at least one with the correct exposure. Additionally, I was under the impression that the flash would freeze any movement regardless of shutter speed. Therefore, a lot of my images with a shutter speed of 1/15 or slower are really blurred because I wasn’t holding my camera completely steady which is something to consider next time. Furthermore, I also experimented using a 35mm wide angle lens, but all of these images turned out to be really overexposed even when on the same settings as the 50mm lens and so it took me a long time to develop them in the dark room.

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I didn’t have a photographic inspiration for this shoot because I had a clear idea of what I needed to photograph. I needed to capture an image for brief 4B which had a different photographic language to the double exposure image I had selected for 4A. I planned on asking on my model to perform the same two poses from the double exposure image, but I wanted to capture them from a lot further away and in a different setting. I chose to photograph my model in her bedroom to provide environmental context that my double exposure photo didn’t, I wanted these images to have a more personal and emotional quality. This is also why I decided to use the k1000 35mm camera as opposed to the RB67, I wanted to connect to the viewers’ nostalgic and familiar associations with this kind of photographic format. Additionally, throughout the project I have wanted to experiment with using a flash and, although it was quite risky to attempt this without having tried it before, I thought this would be the perfect opportunity to develop my skillset with this technique. I thought it would add an intrusive element to the image because of the associations with paparazzi photos capturing celebrities off-guard and in their free time.

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I think my favourite image from the shoot is 18 and I was considering using it in my final brief. However, it is one of the extremely overexposed photos and as a result the image is incredibly grainy and this might not have looked good when enlarged onto a bigger piece of paper. That being said, if this photo is considered outside of the context of the brief and on its own, I feel as though the grain may add to its photographic language. To me, this image feels quite disturbing and eerie due to the juxtaposition of the cosy and safe bedroom environment against the rigid and odd body language of my model. Something about this feels very out of place and haunting, as though it’s capturing the ghost-like presence of the person who used to live in this room. I think the grain further emphasises this because it works to obscure my model and its characteristics remind me of when a ghost is caught on camera in a movie and it causes static and disruptions on the recordings. Additionally, the combination of the grainy, faded, black and white visual elements make this image feel like an old documentary photograph, particularly with the long distance between the subject and camera. It feels as though the photographer wasn’t meant to be in this space and captured this image quickly as a means to document the haunting events. The flash further accentuates this and makes this photograph seem spontaneously authentic and chilling.

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Finally, I reshot the image for brief two but I was quite sad to do so because I love the angle and model positioning in the original. However, it was shot on a 35mm camera rather than the medium format, and the model is the same as brief five and I needed each photo to have a different subject. During the shoot, I tried to get the same low angle as before but I think only a slightly low angle worked better for this context. Similar to the acetate photos, I captured three different poses so I would have multiple choices to pick from, but I think image 18 is my favourite. In this image, my model’s body language looks a lot more relaxed than the others and I feel as though it reflects the detached and dazed feelings that occur in dissociation.

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Moving on to the three reshoots of the acetate with a face drawn on, I asked my model to wear white this time to ensure the drawing would be prominent and not blend into any dark areas. I was very aware of the clips holding up the acetate when executing my framing. I was careful and implemented a closer crop to ensure these wouldn’t appear within the photo like last time. I did find this shoot idea a little more difficult than last time and I struggled to draw the face. I think the pressure of knowing this was going to be my final image was affecting me, so I’m not completely satisfied with how the drawing came out. When it came to shooting, I knew I wanted my model looking up towards the face, but I wasn’t sure which kind of pose would be most effective. In the end I decided to capture three photos with my model in slightly different positions so I would have options after developing them.

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As for the rest of my shoot, I used a lighting set up with two large, diffused background lights and two smaller, diffused key lights as shown in the diagram. Additionally, I changed back to the original lens because I think it captured portraits beautifully and I didn’t need the larger field of view. The objective full body shot (7) was the easiest and quickest to take because I wanted it to be identical to the photo I chose for brief one. I’m also really pleased with how this image turned out, the background is seamless and that was exactly what I was trying to achieve because I wanted the photo to be completely void of context.

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For the silhouette photos, I used the same set-up and techniques as last time because the outcome was very effective. I used a wide-angle lens on the RB67 and the same lighting set up. I attempted to get the same diffused, circular light on the white backdrop, however, this time I really struggled to accomplish this and I’m slightly disappointed with the angular lighting shape in the photos. That being said, I love the final images and I’m very proud of them. I asked my model to perform three different poses, one matching the image selected for brief five, one where she’s lying face down, and another where she is doing a bow inspired ballet position and its very hard to pick a favourite. I think both visually and technically they are very successful and the composition and framing of them is a massive improvement from the previous shoot.

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I think this shoot went really well; it was very straightforward because I went into it knowing exactly which images I needed to take. I used the Mamiya RB67 again so I could maintain continuity with brief four and also because this camera is easier to operate when taking portrait orientated photographs. Additionally, I used a tripod to make sure the framing on my photographs was perfect and I hoped that having the camera stable would ensure I could be very careful when focusing my images.

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When working out what I had to reshoot, I wanted my final sequence to be uniform so realised I had to reshoot brief one, two, three and five on a medium format to match brief four. I chose to do this instead of reshooting all of them on a 35mm camera because not only did I want my images to have a higher resolution, but to me, a 35mm camera suggests feelings of nostalgia due to their accessibility. I didn’t want my images to feel ‘familiar’, like looking through a family photo album, I wanted them to feel slightly distant or more performative to mirror the emotions in the images.

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Overall, I think this was a successful reshoot, despite a few minor details that I wasn’t happy with, I think I achieved every development and change that was needed in order to improve the original photographs. I think the visual language in each image expresses my concept effectively and reshooting in the studio really elevated the detached quality within each photograph.

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After completing all the shoots needed for my final brief, I spent this week developing my six images on glossy fibre paper using the developing chemicals. I chose glossy paper because I knew my images were quite flat in tone and I thought this might provide a little extra dimension. I did struggle trying to make the images all look visually the same in terms of exposure and contrast, but in the end I think I managed to achieve a consistent tone throughout.

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(Everything that is highlighted in purple are my final ideas and decisions)

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Additionally, I was trying to think of ways that my concept and sequence could connect to my viewers other than just visually, and I considered the idea of having a song play alongside. I couldn’t find a perfect song, but I feel as though the first 40 seconds of ‘Morning Brew’ by Robert Schwartzman is the style of music I would use to accompany my project. I think the repetitive, overlaying sounds would really help the viewer to understand the emotions within these images.

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I was also trying to work out how/if I could incorporate the surrounding images into my final sequence because they are some of my favourite photos from my portfolio. However, after considering all my images and sequence options, I had to sadly leave them out because they weren’t best reflective of my concept or the brief requirements.

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Once I had decided on this concept, I then thought of how I could retake the photographs in sequence A to better strengthen my theme and brief requirements. This process also involved me selecting other images from my shoots and developing six new sequencing options for the final brief (B-G). There were a few image options that remained constant throughout, these were the photographs for brief two, three and five because I thought these responded most successfully to their corresponding briefs. Brief one alternated between two options, but I really struggled narrowing down brief four. I really wanted to use a photograph with the spray-painted acetate because I felt that it effectively mirrored my feelings of dissociation. However, it was between this and the double exposure image, and in the end I felt as though the double exposure of the same person encapsulated these feelings more successfully.

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Sequence A was my first alignment of photographs and this was a great starting off point to help me think about what kind of narrative I wanted my series to suggest. I created a mind map with concepts that were not only important and interesting to me, but also worked with the images I had already sequenced. After a lot of deliberating, I decided to select the concept of mental health, specifically continuing with the theme of dissociation. During weeks four, five and six when I was finding it hard to formulate a concept, I was also struggling with my mental health and feelings of dissociation. Being in this situation reminded me of a YouTube video I watched years ago by the filmmaker Bertie Gilbert called ‘why feeling sad can ultimately be a good thing’. In the video he discusses how he was feeling quite sad and instead of allowing it to consume him, he decided to make a film about how he was feeling. He said that by expressing his emotions, he started to feel better and discussed how he put all the negative energy he was experiencing into making something good, and it inspired me to do the same. I thought it would be really valuable to harness my difficult, personal experiences and transform them into a photographic art piece.

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This week I reflected on the photographs from all my previous shoots alongside the specifications for the brief. I found it quite challenging to relate my images to the five different brief requirements, so I had some help and feedback regarding which images could work as a sequence.

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I eventually managed to narrow down my two final sequence ideas to D, which featured multiple models, and G, which focused solely on one model. Trying to choose between these two options was challenging because they both expressed a different perspective to my concept. Using multiple models could represent how dissociation might make you feel as though you aren’t connected to a singular sense of self, or it could perhaps display a narrative of different people’s experiences of dissociation. On the other hand, focusing on a singular model could feel more personal because it could follow the journey of one person and their experiences of dissociation. In the end, I decided to pick D because I feel as though using different models in each photograph might subtly mirror the disorientating aspect of dissociation due to the subjects not being consistent throughout.

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Why feeling sad can ultimately be a good thing

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why feeling sad can ultimately be a good thing