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Advice for Perfectionists & Procrastinators: The 70% Rule

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​ "Perfectionism is the voice of the oppressor, the enemy of the people. It will keep you cramped and insane your whole life." - Anne Lamott

You find yourself asking, "When will what I do be enough?" You wonder, "How do I know if I'm truly happy or just settling to be comfortable?" You catch yourself constantly striving for more-more money, more stuff, more beauty, more brains, more awards. But no matter how much you get, you never know if what you desire will help you become your best self or just drive you further down the dissatisfying road of perfectionism. I know the journey of perfectionism far too well. Every once in a while, when I least expect it, my own perfectionistic motivations creep up on me. They come into play most when I'm making decisions, working, or interacting with others.

It's that feeling you get when you expect things of yourself that you'd never expect from others. It's working yourself to exhaustion in hopes that you'll feel whole, complete, worthy. It's basing your self-worth on external accomplishments, feeling like you have something to prove all the time. It's piling on the emotions of guilt, burnout, and self-hate. It's always coloring inside the lines and giving yourself the metaphorical whip if you screw up.
Perfectionism lives and breathes in your fear of making a mistake. When you're afraid of what might happen, you don't always make the best possible choices.
Instead, you limit your options because you believe you'll be unable to handle the outcome of your choices if they happen to be negative. Allowing perfectionism to run the show is like being on a hamster wheel; you just keep going and going and going, even after you've reached your original goal. You increase the stakes every time so that when you do accomplish something, you wonder if you could have done it better.

Feeling and thinking this way makes perfect sense, because our culture puts a ton of pressure on us to be perfect. We're made to feel as if there's something wrong with us if we're still single by a certain age, don't make a certain amount of money, don't have a big social media following, or don't look a certain way. In the midst of all that pressure, it's easy to forget all the great, unique things about ourselves.

Many of the people I work with in therapy are frustrated because no matter how hard they try, they still feel like nothing they do is good enough. Even after all the external successes they've achieved, they still aren't happy, and they aren't sure why. What I find is that most of the time, their goals never came from them. When you never feel good enough in the eyes of others, it's hard to build a strong sense of yourself. It's difficult to know what you truly want, what ultimately fills your true purpose.
Perfectionism stays alive when you look for other people to give you worth, relying on their opinions to give you a sense of your value.
It's deceptive, because other people can't make you feel like enough; that's a decision you have to make for yourself. What's enough and not enough, and how far you need to go, are more effective when they're determined by your inner values. Needing and lacking approval and acceptance will inevitably lead you to feel that what you do is never enough; you'll spend your life looking to do better and more.

That's why I'm offering another way to be-an alternative to the endless cycle of looking for personal fulfillment through grand accomplishments. I want to help you put an end to the cycle of perfectionism. Knowing who you are and what you value is vital. Once you have that down, you can make the decision to be enough in every situation you face. And, in time, each situation will serve as a way to guide you toward your true self and free you from the need to be perfect.
So how do I let go of perfectionism and have a strong sense of self?

Change your mindset. Our mindset contains our ideas and views about life, which come from our previous experiences and perceptions of the world. How we look at the world influences our experience in it. Our perception becomes our reality. Creating a good-enough mindset that isn't filled with unrealistic expectations will help you cultivate a sense of wellbeing. Therefore, the first step to feeling like you're enough is changing your mindset and old beliefs about yourself derived from past experiences of what's expected of you. The rest is a process of changing the idea that you need to work harder for approval and using that energy to just be enough for yourself.

Build self-reliance. You aren't born with self-reliance, you gain it through trials and errors while you go through life making your own decisions. I started to develop confidence when I decided to think for myself and move forward with my decisions. People who act with self-reliance feel more in control of their environment, and feeling this way is an important ingredient of wellbeing. When what you do is in line with what you believe, your self-esteem and happiness grow. Being self-reliant means doing things for yourself. The more you do for yourself, the better you feel; the better you feel, the more confident you'll become, and the less compelled you'll feel to be perfect all the time.

Learn to let go. Try to let go of whatever it is that's holding you back from accepting who you are. You'll probably realize that you aren't what other people say you are. You aren't your pain, your past, or your emotions. It's usually negative ideas about ourselves and hurtful self-talk that get in the way of who we really want to be and push us to never make any mistakes.

Make your own decisions. Start making your own decisions. It isn't necessary to share every problem you encounter with everyone in your life. People do this to get advice, be told what they need to do, and pass their anxiety on to others. As you become more aware of what you want, you'll start knowing the next step to take in your life, and you'll recognize that nobody else has the answers. People who don't feel good enough always look to others to make decisions for them. You know just as much as everyone else; in fact, you know more than others do about what's right for you.

Remember, you can't hate your way into accepting yourself. Convincing yourself of what a failure you are will never make any situation better, and repeating to yourself that you'll never live up to your potential certainly won't lead you to reach it. It's important for you to remember that you are enough just as you are-and I promise, the more you practice it, the more you'll believe it.

Make peace with the "now" before you feel satisfied with the "later." We can't feel totally satisfied with where we're going until we can accept, acknowledge, and appreciate where we are. Make peace with where you are, and your journey toward something new will feel much more peaceful, rewarding, and satisfying.

Do you methodically look for evidence that you're a nobody, that you don't deserve acceptance, or that you aren't living up to your potential? If so, I know how demoralizing and demeaning it can be. It will better serve you to focus on progress rather than perfection and on how far you've come instead of how far you have left to go.

One of the biggest pushes towards perfectionism is the need to always "get it right." We strive for perfection and huge successes, and when we fall short, we feel worthless. What we don't seem to realize is that working toward our goals and being willing to put ourselves out there are accomplishments within themselves. Give yourself a well-deserved pat on the back for trying, making progress, and coming as far as you have.

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​ "Perfectionism is the voice of the oppressor, the enemy of the people. It will keep you cramped and insane your whole life." - Anne Lamott You find yourself asking, "When will what I do be enough?" You wonder, "How do I know if I'm truly happy or just settling to be comfortable?"

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Nowadays society's standards are set so high for young people to be "Perfect" and not the same as everyone around them. In my opinion, our environment is now beginning to turn toxic and people are turning on the people who have the guts to be different.

In my opinion if you aren't the same as everyone else you are set aside and castaway and in some cases, bullied. This is because people in society especially young people, find it overwhelmingly hard to be different and not follow the crowd. They want to fit in with society's criteria of being considered "perfect" in every way. All because society doesn't want us to attract any attention to ourselves so that's why we all have to be the same.

The biggest thing is social media because they help launch the unreal expectations and that's what young people see because it's plastered over every platform of social media sometimes hiding in plain sight , it all starts with a few pop up ad's and then they convince you that what you are, is not what you are meant to be. We are being pushed at all sides to fit in to the standards that have been created over time.

It's as though society is trying to morph us into becoming dolls and making everyone a replica of each other's so that everyone is deemed "perfect", when in reality no one is "perfect". It's impossible for everyone to have something that needs improving, but being different, in my opinion is good because then you know what you like and when you are able to make something of yourself. People literally drive themselves insane just to fit into society.

The young people that I have spoken to have stated that they feel pressured in today's society to live up to the standards put out in front of them. They feel like they have to abide by what social media puts out there because no one wants to be an outcast just because they are different. The young people I spoke with were mainly girls, ages 13-17 and they feel as though they are forced into having to be a certain way because society expects them to be like that , boys also have pressure put on them just not as much as girls. Boys are brought up, and being told that they have to have abs and be muscular and girls have to be stick thin with a big bum and a large chest. This perception has young people going to extreme lengths to be what society dreams as being the "perfect" person, we see younger people not just girls but also boys beginning to avoid meals and calorie counting. Some can't take the pressure of having to look a certain way and can't handle being an outcast and this has driven some young people to suicide.

Its 2018 and there is a huge amount of pressure still being put on young people to be the same as each other. People still can't deal with others being different and not following the crowd. People still get targeted everyday on every platform possible. They get abuse for being who they really are and not surrendering to the pressure of today's society on being perfect. People need to learn to accept that not everyone is the same, not everyone is controlled and influenced by society or social media. In my experience with social media every second thing you see is an ad on how we should look and how we need the things they are advertising to us to be this perfect person. When in reality all you have to be is yourself because no one will ever be society's perfect person it's impossible there will always be flaws. Being yourself is perfect enough and people have to accept that because this is who we are.

Amy Daly

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Society's pressure to be perfect - Achieve More Scotland

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Nowadays society's standards are set so high for young people to be "Perfect" and not the same as everyone around them. In my opinion, our environment is now beginning to turn toxic and people are turning on the people who have the guts to be different.

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Our dangerous obsession with perfectionism is getting worse | Thomas Curran

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Do you feel pressure to do everything "right" all the time? Do you worry about making mistakes? Does fear of a misstep hold you back? It's time to stop trying to be perfect!

Getting over perfectionism is tough. Some of us are hardwired over the course of our lives to fear mistakes. Often this is a holdover from our childhood when we received the message a mistake would result in a negative consequence.

What happens when we fear mistakes is that we're constantly driving with the breaks on. We're worried any misstep will cause our world to crash down around us. We drive ourselves into a frenzy overdoing or saying the right thing in all situations. We push ourselves at work and at home. Or, on the flip side, we find we can't stop trying to be perfect, so we look at ways to numb ourselves-to silence our inner critic.

Why We Should Stop Trying to Be Perfect All the Time

In reality, perfectionism by itself isn't necessarily a problem. It's important to set ourselves up to high standards, to push beyond our comfort zones, and really go for what we want. A desire to achieve excellence isn't a negative trait.

Perfectionism becomes an issue when it counters our ability to relax and enjoy life. We see this often in college students and young professionals who end up burning the candle at both ends as they strive to get perfect scores or the top sales quotas in their department. At the same time, these young adults are often attempting to keep up with a rigorous social life-dating, friendships, and extra-curricular activities.

To keep up with it all, these perfectionists turn to drugs or alcohol. Either they rely on stimulants to keep them amped up and energized so they don't burn out, or they turn to depressants in their downtime so they can finally chill out. This pattern is a dangerous mix.

Even if perfectionists don't turn to hard addictions, they may fall into soft addictions: habits they rely on to escape the rat race. These soft addictions may include shopping, watching TV (Netflix binges), social media, gaming, food, and even exercise. Work itself can become a soft addictio, if we use it to escape and bury ourselves.

Now, of course, there's nothing wrong with screen time, shopping, or enjoying a meal. Work and physical fitness are healthy activities in many cases. With soft addictions, the activity becomes dangerous because it's not used to enhance your life, but to escape.

Whether we are high achievers, world champions, underachievers, or somewhere in between, we all desire MORE. Ironically, at the same time that we hunger to get MORE out of life, we are not doing what we need to do to actually get it. Statistics show that almost every one of us, over achievers and underachievers alike, is engaged in activities and habits that not only interfere with the MORE we seek, but actually rob us of its pleasures even when we get it. Our lives pass us by while we waste our precious resources-our time, energy, consciousness, and life force-watching too much TV, over shopping, surfing the Internet, overeating, gossiping, or engaging in the numerous ruts and routines I often call soft additions...

...In essence, soft additions are distractions from our destiny. They put us in a fog, keep us from thinking clearly or being really present, distract us from our higher values and true purpose, prevent us from connecting to others, and distance us from our loved ones. Soft addictions decrease our productivity and numb us from our true feelings. They keep us from getting more out of life, lead us to less, and sabotage our dreams.

-The Soft Addiction Solution

Essentially, trying to be perfect all the time burns us out and leads us to seek behaviors that are counterproductive to our ultimate goals.

The thing is, no one is ever really perfect, anyway! We all know perfection is an unattainable goal. It's not realistic and frankly, it's damaging.

What we're really doing, when we dig into it, is avoiding mistakes because we're afraid of looking bad. How freeing is it to imagine letting that go? Fear of looking "bad" is what prevents people from fully enjoying their lives.

Why Perfection Isn't Realistic

Perfection has never been reached by anyone. No human has achieved complete perfection. No matter your religious belief or background, realistically we know perfectionism is either an illusion or divine. It's not attainable by mere human beings.

As a matter of fact, in some Native American cultures, they had a way of representing the concept of human imperfection in their tapestry and beadwork. They often left a single thread or bead out of place, referred to as the "God bead." This was to remind them, no matter how perfect their work, they will never achieve the divine.

Native Americans aren't the only culture that embrace this concept either. The Japanese use the term wabi-sabi to describe the concept of imperfection in aesthetics. The idea that beauty is imperfect, impermanent, and incomplete, leading back to the teachings of the Buddha (and the three marks of existence).

The idea of perfectionism is very much built into a system. We're trying to get ahead. Many of us have created this idea we need to win, push ourselves, and keep moving ahead, but we have no idea what (or whom) we're trying to get ahead of. It's a mythological peak we're trying to climb.

The Power of Mistakes

The counter solution to perfectionism is learning to embrace mistakes. This is especially key for young professionals. Learn how to make mistakes all over the place!

It's not about being destructive or self-damaging. Making mistakes can actually become an enjoyable exercise in creativity and learning. When we make a mistake, we discover freedom. Creativity, new ideas, solutions, and inventions are born of our mistakes.

Many amazing inventions, from the pacemaker to post-it notes were born from mistakes. Entrepreneurs and inventors are all fond of their "aha" stories to explain how they discovered their great idea. To come up with these concepts, they had to first face a problem. They had to make mistakes. Chances are, they went through plenty of trial, error, and practice before they accomplished their big goal.

Every mistake offers a learning opportunity. Perfectionism becomes counterproductive. When we focus on relaxing our perfectionistic tendencies and practicing self-acceptance, we can discover many new opportunities.

Here's the deal: mistakes are inevitable and unavoidable. So, there's no reason to beat yourself up over them, nor is there a reason to be hypervigilant in your fight to be perfect. Instead, embrace the errors, bumps, and screw ups as a great way to learn something new.

With our graduate students, we talk about maximizing our human potential. There's deeper meaning and greater engagement when we allow ourselves to face these learning opportunities openly. When we stop trying to be perfect we can look above the human foils and become our best self.

For more on maximizing your potential, please visit the Wright Foundation. We would love to welcome you to a networking event, where you can connect with other growth-minded individuals. We're also excited to share many of our classes available online for download. They're at a special introductory price, so don't miss out on this great opportunity!

About the Author

Dr. Bob Wright is an internationally recognized visionary, educator, program developer, leadership and sales executive, best-selling author and speaker. He is a co-founder of Wright and the Wright Graduate University.

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The Wright Foundation for the Realization of Human Potential is a leadership institute located in Chicago, Illinois. Wright Living performative learning programs are integrated into the curriculum at Wright Graduate University.

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Stop Trying To Be Perfect & Get Past Perfectionism | Wright Foundation

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Do you feel pressure to do everything "right" all the time? Do you worry about making mistakes? Does fear of a misstep hold you back? It's time to stop trying to be perfect! Getting over perfectionism is tough. Some of us are hardwired over the course of our lives to fear mistakes.

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Perfectionism is often seen as a positive trait that increases your chances of success, but it can lead to self-defeating thoughts or behaviors that make it harder to achieve goals. It may also cause stress, anxiety, depression, and other mental health issues. People who strive for perfection out of feelings of inadequacy or failure may find it helpful to speak with a therapist; this can often help people manage excessive self-criticism.

What Is Perfectionism?

Perfectionism is often defined as the need to be or appear to be perfect, or even to believe that it's possible to achieve perfection. It is typically viewed as a positive trait rather than a flaw. People may use the term "healthy perfectionism" to describe or justify perfectionistic behavior.

Perfectionism is not the same thing as striving to be your best. Perfection is not about healthy achievement and growth.

Brené Brown, a writer and research professor at the University of Houston Graduate College of Social Work, distinguishes between perfectionism and healthy behavior. She says, "Perfectionism is not the same thing as striving to be your best. Perfection is not about healthy achievement and growth." She explains that perfectionism is used by many people as a shield to protect against the pain of blame, judgment, or shame.

Signs You Might Be a Perfectionist

Most people engage in perfectionism from time to time or in certain areas of life. People who are nearly full-time perfectionists may feel the need to achieve perfection constantly. They might also:

Not be able to perform a task unless they know they can do it perfectly.

View the end product as the most important part of any undertaking. As a result, they may focus less on the process of learning or completing a task to the best of their ability.

Not see a task as finished until the result is perfect according to their standards.

Procrastinate. People with perfectionism may not want to begin a task until they know they can do it perfectly.

Take an excessive amount of time to complete a task that does not typically take others long to complete.

Examples of Perfectionistic Behavior

Most people want to achieve success, but working hard to reach your goals does not always indicate perfectionistic behavior. People who are perfectionists typically believe that nothing they do is worthwhile unless it is perfect. Instead of being proud of their progress, learning, or hard work, they might constantly compare their work to the work of others or fixate on achieving flawless output.

Even when people with perfectionistic traits get their desired results, they may still be unsatisfied. They may feel that if they truly were perfect, they would not have had to work so hard to achieve their goals.

Some examples of perfectionism include:

Spending 30 minutes writing and rewriting a two-sentence email.

Believing that missing two points on a test is a sign of failure.

Difficulty being happy for others who are successful.

Holding oneself to the standards of others' accomplishments or comparing oneself unfavorably and unrealistically to others.

Skipping class or avoiding a chore because it is pointless to make an effort unless perfection can be achieved.

Focusing on the end product rather than the process of learning.

Avoiding playing a game or trying a new activity with friends for fear of being shown up as less than perfect.

Types of Perfectionism

A few distinct types of perfectionism are thought to exist. While these types share similar behaviors, their motives and outcomes often differ.

Domains of Perfectionism

Perfectionism can impact many areas of a person's life, and these areas are often referred to as domains. Sometimes, perfectionism affects only one domain, while other times, it impacts multiple domains. Below are some areas of life perfectionism can affect.

In the workplace or at school: People who are perfectionists in school or at work may take longer than others to complete a task. They may also avoid starting a task they do not feel confident in. This is often due to a desire to complete the task perfectly.

Intimate relationships or friendships: Perfectionism can cause people to place their unrealistic standards on their loved ones, bringing extra stress and pressure into the relationship.

Physical activity: Sports and athletics often encourage or exacerbate perfectionism. In individual sports, such as gymnastics or track, perfectionism may be especially prevalent, since the athlete is often competing against oneself.

Environment or surroundings: This may include the need for one's house or yard to be immaculate at all times. It can cause an individual to spend large amounts of time and energy keeping their immediate surroundings tidy or in line with their aesthetic standards.

Hygiene and health: Ironically, this type of perfectionism may cause health issues. For instance, someone may stop brushing their teeth because they failed to do so once. This type of perfectionism may also lead to eating disorders like orthorexia nervosa, in which individuals feel compelled to stick to a rigidly healthy diet.

How one speaks or writes: When a person is perfectionistic about how they speak or write, the quality of their speech or writing may decrease. It may cause them to speak very little or to avoid writing for fear of making a mistake.

Physical appearance: This type of perfectionism can cause someone to worry excessively about their personal grooming or style. They may take hours choosing what to wear or how to style their hair. Perfectionism surrounding physical appearance can also lead to eating disorders or exercise addiction.

What Causes Perfectionism?

Many factors can contribute to whether perfectionism develops. A few include:

Frequent fear of disapproval from others or feelings of insecurity and inadequacy.

Mental health issues like anxiety or obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD). While a correlation between OCD and perfectionism has been found to exist, not all people with perfectionism have OCD, and not all people with OCD are perfectionists.

Having a parent who exhibits perfectionistic behavior or expresses disapproval when their children's efforts do not result in perfection. Some parents may encourage their child to succeed in every area or push perfection on them to an extent that can be considered abusive.

An insecure early attachment. People who had a troubled attachment with parents when they were young may experience difficulty self-soothing as adults. They may have trouble accepting a good outcome as good if it's not perfect.

People with a history of high achievement sometimes feel overwhelming pressure to live up to their previous achievements. This often leads them to engage in perfectionistic behavior. Children who are frequently praised for their accomplishments may feel pressure to keep achieving as they age, which can also cause perfectionistic tendencies.

If you feel you may have traits of perfectionism that cause you daily distress, know that perfectionistic behavior and habits can be changed. It is possible to learn healthier attitudes about your goals and standards with the help of a trusted, compassionate therapist.
References:

1. Flett, G. L., Heisel, M. J., & Hewitt, P. L. (2014). The destructiveness of perfectionism revisited: Implications for the assessment of suicide risk and the prevention of suicide. Review of General Psychology, 18(3), 156-172. doi: http://dx.doi.org/10.1037/gpr0000011

2. Hasse, A. M., Prapavessis, H., & Owens, R. G. (2013, June 24). Domain-specificity in perfectionism: Variations across domains of life. Personality and Individual Differences, 55(2013), 711-715. Retrieved from http://citeseerx.ist.psu.edu/viewdoc/download?doi=10.1.1.719.5924&rep=rep1&type=pdf

3. Rettner, R. (2010, July 11). The dark side of perfectionism revealed. Retrieved from http://www.livescience.com/6724-dark-side-perfectionism-revealed.html

4. Scutti, S. (2014, September 26). Perfectionists, especially doctors, architects, and lawyers, are at higher risk of suicide. Retrieved from http://www.medicaldaily.com/perfectionists-especially-doctors-architects-and-lawyers-are-higher-risk-suicide-305256

5. Szymanski, J. (2011, October 3). Perfectionism: Healthy or hurtful? Retrieved from http://blogs.hbr.org/cs/2011/10/is_perfectionism_helping_or_hu.html

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Perfectionism is often seen as a positive trait that increases your chances of success, but it can lead to self-defeating thoughts or behaviors that make it harder to achieve goals. It may also cause stress, anxiety, depression, and other mental health issues.

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Executive Summary

Data on 40,000 college students in the UK, U.S., and Canada from 1989 to 2016 shows that perfectionism is on the rise, and may be to blame for increasing rates of anxiety and depression among young people. Managers, mentors, and coaches can help alleviate this problem by reminding young people that being "perfect" is not a healthy goal; being imperfect is natural, and not a failure; that failure itself is not a sign of weakness; and that when it comes to assignments, done is better than perfect. Reminding them of previous experiences and successes might help; but being impatient, demanding or critical won't.

Juj Winn/Getty Images

According to the World Health Organization, a record number of young people worldwide are suffering from serious depression or anxiety disorders. In some sections of society, there is a tendency to dismiss this trend as the product of an over-indulged, over-entitled, and over-sensitive "snowflake generation."

To the contrary, there is growing evidence that the increase in psychological ill-health of young people may stem from the excessive standards that they hold for themselves and the harsh self-punishment they routinely engage in. Increasingly, young people hold irrational ideals for themselves, ideals that manifest in unrealistic expectations for academic and professional achievement, how they should look, and what they should own. Young people are seemingly internalizing a pre-eminent contemporary myth that things, including themselves, should be perfect.

Yet perfection is an impossible goal. Those who become preoccupied with it inevitably set themselves up for failure and psychological turmoil. They become obsessed with winning the validation of others and demonstrating their worth through flawless performance after flawless performance. They ruminate chronically about their imperfections, brood over what could have been or should have been, and experience considerable anxiety and even shame and guilt about their perceived inadequacies and unworthiness.

The idea that perfectionism might be behind the recent rise in serious mental illness was the impetus for our latest piece of research published in Psychological Bulletin. We wanted to answer a basic but important question; is perfectionism rising among American, Canadian, and British college students?

To answer it, we tested for generational changes in college students' responses to the Multidimensional Perfectionism Scale from 1989 to 2016. This scale was developed by leading psychologists in the area of perfectionism, Paul Hewitt and Gordon Flett, and measures self-oriented perfectionism (excessively high personal expectations), socially prescribed perfectionism (excessively high social expectations), and other-oriented perfectionism (excessively high expectations of others). As college students are approximately the same age, data collected at different time points using the same instrument allowed us to assess if these dimensions of perfectionism were changing over time.

In all, we retrieved data from 41,641 American, Canadian, and British college students. Our findings supported our hypotheses. Between 1989 and 2016, college students' levels of self-oriented, socially prescribed, and other-oriented perfectionism all increased by statistically significant amounts. Recent generations of young people are more demanding of themselves, perceive that others are more demanding of them, and are more demanding of others.

Perhaps the most concerning trend documented in our analysis is that of socially prescribed perfectionism. It increased at twice the rate of self-oriented and other-oriented perfectionism. It is also the form of perfectionism that exhibits the largest association of all the dimensions with a host of mental health issues including anxiety, depression, social phobia, and suicidal thoughts. The increase in socially prescribed perfectionism makes for a compelling backdrop for almost epidemic levels of serious mental illness in young people.

Broadly, we consider our findings to raise important questions about how we are structuring society and whether our society's heavy emphasis on social comparison, and the sorting, sifting and ranking that follows, is benefitting young people. Coupled with research demonstrating the destructive effects of perfectionism on mental health, our findings are also potentially a forewarning for schools, universities, and employers who may find managing the welfare of young people becomes increasingly important.

With this in mind, we have some tips for teachers, lecturers, and managers that might help create a culture which may help alleviate the impact of perfectionism. Note that we are not clinical psychologists. If you encounter someone experiencing mental health difficulties, or indeed are experiencing them yourself, support should be sought from an appropriately trained mental health professional. We offer these tips in the hope of aiding those who are simply seeking to better manage perfectionism in their own lives, or mentor or coach others who are struggling with the pressure to be perfect.

Failure is not weakness

The energy behind perfectionism comes largely from a desire to avoid failure. When facing an important exam, crucial deadline, or business pitch, a perfectionist sees each opportunity primarily as an opportunity to fail. Fear of failure is a function of their excessive standards and desire to do things well. Their fear is that if they don't do it perfectly, they'll expose some inner weakness or frailty. That's why those with higher perfectionism generally experience more stress in their daily lives. This stress then can create other mental and physical health problems.

When students or employees seem stressed out by a looming opportunity, help them shift their focus away from the disastrous possibilities of what might go wrong, and towards what they might learn from it instead. Recalibrate their goals downward and work with them to see stressful events as opportunities to develop.

And if they do fail? People with higher levels of perfectionism will typically be ambitious, hard-working, and diligent. A little bit of compassion and support when things don't go well will help keep them that way.

There are healthier goals than perfection

In adopting excessively high standards, those with higher levels of perfectionism set themselves up for the failure that is so damaging for their self-esteem. These individuals may need help recognizing what is realistically achievable and require guidance on setting appropriate goals. Advocate perseverance, flexibility, and diligence. These are desirable qualities and do not come with the fears that follow the pursuit of perfection. Meticulousness can sometimes be required, and this is fine, but paralysis will follow if the goal is perfection and not a more reasonable goal.

Done is better than perfect

Not only do high goals impede success for perfectionists, but so too does their tendency to postpone difficult tasks. When failure is shattering, moving forward on tasks that carry a high risk of failure becomes difficult. Perfectionists often tend to procrastinate because they cannot fail on tasks that they haven't started.

Especially when deadlines loom, this paralysis can be accompanied by rumination and brooding that is damaging to psychological health. Procrastination is not something that perfectionists voluntarily disclose, but the link is supported by research. If it is apparent that a fear of failing is holding students or employees back, encourage them to take small, manageable steps. Getting started is the hardest part. Avoid overthinking. Reminding them of previous experiences and successes might help; but being impatient, demanding or critical won't.

Perfectionism is a misleading trait. It promises meticulousness, hard work, and dedication but, although it can deliver motivation and performance, also delivers mental health difficulties. Our research suggests that perfectionism is increasing. Expect the frequency of these difficulties to do the same.

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Perfectionism Is Increasing, and That's Not Good News

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Executive Summary Data on 40,000 college students in the UK, U.S., and Canada from 1989 to 2016 shows that perfectionism is on the rise, and may be to blame for increasing rates of anxiety and depression among young people.