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K-Cycle 1 Intervention Folder video capsule (resources available for download on CEBM members site)

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K-Cycle 1 Intervention Folder video capsule (resources available for download on CEBM members site)

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https://spark.adobe.com/video/8o7JlHnucGwge

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Re-entry has begun and we are now preparing to return to parts of our lives, like work and schooling, without knowing exactly what this looks like. How do we lead our children? What do they need from us? Can they adapt to the new realities of social distancing at schools and will this create anxiety and emotional problems for them? These are just a few of the questions I have been asked by parents but center around the question of - how do I lead my child(ren) back to school?

Will our kids feel safe?

Safety is an illusion and telling our children that they won't get covid, or that we won't get covid is not the best way to make them feel safe. Safety has much less to do with their surroundings and more to do with their connection to adults. Assuring our children that they will be 'okay' is far less effective when it comes to feeling secure than making sure they feel taken care of by us. In order to understand why this is so we will need to understand something about attachment and why it matters to kids.

Children are not able to take care of themselves and they can't make sense of the world like an adult does. It is their dependency on adults that makes them feel secure as they look to them for protection, guidance, and direction. The relationship with an adult is like an emotional bubble that preserves the child's heart. When a child is afraid, frustrated, or overwhelmed, it is this relational bubble that can provide a safe place to retreat to. Home is where the heart is, and we need our children to give their hearts to us for safe keeping.

A child doesn't feel lost when they can count on their adults to show up for them and to lead. It doesn't mean that all the threats in their life disappear and that they can't be hurt, but that they are shielded from this reality as they trust their adults to lead and to provide for them. Where they are confused, they should look to their adults to lead the way and for their adults to be responsible for figuring out issues of safety.

How can parents and teachers lead?

We can work on taking care of our kids by being their compass point, caring for them in unexpected ways, providing more than they seek, listening with our full attention, and taking the lead in feeding them

We can take the lead in matchmaking our kids to their teachers and strengthening that connection. We can remind our children that their teachers have missed them and can be trusted to lean on.

We don't know all of the details about what school will look like as they re-enter, but we can direct them to their teacher who will tell them what they need to know

We can't say 'everything will be okay' as we can't know the future but we can say that we will take care of them and they can count on that

If there was ever a time that we needed our children to rest in our care, it is now. We need to work to strengthen and preserve our relationship with them, providing more contact and closeness than they ask for and being generous in our capacity to make room for their big emotions like frustration, resistance, and fear. We need to take the lead and make decisions about schooling and whether to send them back to school.

Sometimes the hardest thing to do as a parent is to lead when we are full of doubts. Leadership can feel lonely and we may feel guilty as well. These are the emotions that come with parenting and we can care for our kids and lead them through these challenging times, despite all that we are feeling.

How will our kids adjust to the new restrictions and rules around social distancing?

The question of how classrooms will look and whether our children will adjust to them is understandably a big concern for parents. Schools and teachers have been working hard trying to figure these things out and should have started communicating the changes that have been put into place to parents. We can help orient our children to the changes by following the lead of the school and sharing the information they provide, for example, what supplies they can bring to school, guidelines for eating lunch, washing hands, and playing.

When we communicate information to a child that might alarm them it is best to do this in a matter of fact and non-alarming tone and manner. For example, this is how flight attendants give safety demonstrations on planes and it is how we lead our children through fire drills, lock down drills, and earthquake preparedness. Simple scripts and directions help to reduce fear and give the child a sense of agency.

One of the ways schools will be helping children adjust to the new rules around social distancing is by taking a playful approach. For example, we can sing songs to know how long to wash our hands to using hula hoops to understand social distancing. These playful approaches are strategic in helping kids adapt to new rules, experience less fear, and be less resistant to changes. Some parents might be concerned that schools aren't taking matters more 'seriously' but we need to remember that play promotes feelings of safety and rest. It will take the attention off the risks and put the focus on the rules which will help our kids adjust to the new safety measures at school.

How can parents and teachers lead?

Support play as a way to learn about social distancing and the new rules and restrictions

Show support for the school and teachers by positively addressing the changes they have made

If you have concerns about the changes at the school then direct these to the appropriate adults without your child's involvement or awareness. It is key that your child trusts their teacher even if you are working through your concerns with the school

Matchmake your child to their teacher and the school by affirming that their teacher will take care of them

Will this impact their emotional well-being and create anxiety?

Some parents are concerned that sending their child to school will create anxiety and stress. To answer this question, we will first need to consider where anxiety and stress comes from. Stress arises when you are emotionally overloaded and can't make sense of everything in your life, and anxiety is a sure sign of this. It is important to remember that it isn't school that is stressful per se (although there will be stressors there for sure), but that it creates separation from home and their trusted adults. Separation anxiety is from alarm at being disconnected from their caregivers and leads the child to question- "Who will take care of me now?"

If a child trusts their teacher and the adults at school to care for them then the separation from home won't be as alarming and they will feel 'safer' in the care of their teachers and school. Kids feel highly alarmed when they anticipate the world is going to hurt them and there are no adults to support or take care of them. The answer is to foster a strong relationship with their teacher and make a seamless attachment team between the home and school. Parents can bridge the distance by giving the child something to hold onto that represents their relationship - a reminder of what they will do after school, an invisible string that connects them, to a picture of their family in their lunch box.

Our children can also be experiencing a range of emotions as a result of all the changes in their life. There may be frustration that they can't be with their friends, play where they want to, and have a limited space to move in. They may be resistant to go back to school because they have enjoyed the extra time to play and the freedom from doing work while at home. Some kids are excited to go back to school and see people whereas some of our children are worried they will get sick with covid. What is the answer to all of our children's emotions?

Emotional health and well-being requires emotional expression and for kids it helps to have someone who will listen to you. We can help our kids talk to us by acknowledging the frustration or sadness they are experiencing. Sometimes parents are worried that if they allow their children to feel sad or worried then it will never stop and their child will just 'learn' to be this way. This is not accurate and the more we tell someone NOT to feel, the more feelings it will create. Emotions are not right or wrong, good or bad. Emotions are here to serve us and have an intelligence all on their own. The challenge is being patient with our kid's feelings and giving them enough room to express them.

Many parents ask how they can get their child to talk to them and the answer lies again in your connection. Find some time to spend with them one on one and just enjoy being with them. As you play together, share a hobby, or go outside together, listen with your undivided attention. Be neutral as they share their ideas and feelings with you, acknowledging how they feel - rather than how you feel about how they are feeling. When children feel the conversation has become about meeting the parents needs, they can stop talking.

If words are hard to find then play is a wonderful place to soften feelings. The very nature of play - not being real or requiring you to work at a problem, allows for feelings to be expressed without words nor consciousness. If a child is frustrated then play that changes things such as building things, destroying, putting together, taking apart, mock aggression, wrestling, arts and crafts may be helpful. If a child is alarmed you may want to play more hide and seek, building forts and hideaways, monster games, chase and so on. If your child has few words, then lead them to their expressive play.

We will likely have to make some room for frustration and some tears too. There are so many futilities that come with the changes at school - from social distancing, to missing home, that our children may be emotionally charged and on need of release. Part of the "emotional homework' we do with our kids is to help them express what didn't work and lead them through frustration and to disappointment and sadness. Sometimes there are many things we cannot change but we can adapt and adjust if we make room for emotion.

How can parents and teachers lead?

Bridge the home to school divide by giving your child something to hold onto that represents your relationship (i.e., what you will do after school, a picture in their lunch box

Listen to your child with your undivided attention and make time to just be together

Don't judge how your child is feeling, and don't act defensively about what they are telling you, or try to talk them out of their emotions

If your child is resistant to go to school you might need to explore why, come alongside their lack of desire to return, and perhaps have some tears about it

Make room for play - especially after school which can help provide some emotional discharge

Tears can be helpful in releasing alarm and you can support your child this way by naming the things that are frustrating and acknowledge how sad it is

Hold onto your relationship with your child and use this as the safe vehicle to help them express what is stirring them up inside

What about learning?

There is an order to what is most important when you are under stress. Relationship comes first, with play and tears next. Learning happens best when we feel safe in our relationship with adults or when we are at play. Helping our kids feel safe again at school, making sure they trust in their teacher to care for them, and getting our children to express themselves emotionally, are all things that must take precedence over learning.

Learning is easy when kids feel safe. Learning is hard when a child's brain is preoccupied with questions of security and when it is emotionally overloaded. If we work to create the rest our kids need then the learning will come.

At this time the world may feel out of sorts and upside down for a child and our priority is to make them feel at home again with the adults who are there to care for them. Humans are resourceful, resilient, and amazing in their capacity to care for each other. With enough patience and focusing on what matters most of all, we can carry our children through this storm, taking comfort they are shielded from the worst because we are taking the lead.

Dr. Deborah MacNamara is the Director of Kid's Best Bet counselling center, she is on Faculty at the Neufeld Institute, the author of Rest, Play, Grow: Making Sense of Preschoolers (or anyone who acts like one), which has been translated into 11 languages, and a children's picture book The Sorry Plane.

Learning 'feeling' language to communicate one's emotions is a critical developmental milestone in the early years. The following picture books are some of my favourites when it comes to helping kids take a step back from their emotional world and learn words they can use to describe it. What I appreciate most about these books is they do not categorize feelings into 'good' or 'bad' but take a shame free approach to describing their character's emotions which helps to normalize them. The first steps in emotional development is being able to express your feelings and be able to give names to your emotions - these books help set parents and kids on the right track.
Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day
by Judith Viorst, illustrated by Ray Cruz Atheneum, 2009

A humorous walk through a bad day with a relatable character named Alexander. Kids and parents will be able to sympathize with his plight and can use it to draw on in real life bad days.
Angry Dragon
by Thierry Robberecht, illustrated by Philippe Goossens Clarion Books, 2004

The frustration in this child is big, so huge in fact that it threatens to swallow his parents. The images are outstanding and help convey the alarm that kids feel when their frustration and attacking energy is present. The answer is tears which eventually come and help to quiet the angry dragon inside the little boy.
The Chocolate-Covered Cookie Tantrum
by Deborah Blumenthal, illustrated by Harvey Stevenson Sandpiper Books, 1999

One of my favourites and something every child and parent can relate to - hearing 'no' when you really want a 'yes' when asking for a cookie. The story takes you on a journey through a child's tantrum until the child relinquishes their pursuit of the cookie that will not be. In the end it is the tears that save the day.
Finn Throws a Fit!
by David Elliott, illustrated by Timothy Basil Ering, 2011

I laughed out loud reading this book. Finn doesn't want peaches for breakfast and proceeds to express foul frustration in response to his parent's efforts to feed him. Finn takes us through the horror of a tantrum, rich with imagery that conveys the strength of his emotion. In the end it is his tears that help him face his peaches and decide that he really does want them after all.
In My Heart: A Book of Feelings
by Jo Witek, illustrated by Christine Roussey Harry N. Abrams, 2014

The layering of a child's heart in this book is beautiful and takes us on a journey to the center. This is a well loved book in my house.
Happy
by Mies Van Hout Lemniscaat, 2011

Beautifully illustrated, each page portrays a fish experiencing a particular emotion. From happy to sad, this book can serve as a prompt for discussion on how kid's may feel on any given day.
My Many Coloured Days
by Dr Suess, illustrated by Steve Johnson & Lou Fancher

The colour of each day conveys different feelings from grey days to yellow ones. Feelings are nuanced with the rich use of images and colour, conveying a range of emotions and a language to go along with it.

Dr. Deborah MacNamara is the author of Rest, Play, Grow: Making Sense of Preschoolers (or anyone who acts like one), is on faculty at the Neufeld Institute, and Director of Kid's Best Bet, a counselling and family resource center. For more information please see www.macnamara.ca and www.neufeldinstitute.org.

When we give birth to a child, we also need to cultivate the village of adults that will help us raise them. This community may consist of daycare workers, teachers, coaches, instructors, to extended family. This is critical as children flourish in environments where there is a seamless connection or invisible matrix of adults surrounding them. The challenge is parents can't leave this formation to chance, they must introduce and matchmake one's children to the adults who are responsible for them.

Matchmakers are agents of attachment who are not afraid to take the lead in fostering human connection. While the word matchmaker is usually associated with romantic relationships or business partnerships, it serves another role when it comes to caring for kids. Matchmakers connect two people who are unknown to each other and foster a sense of relatedness.

Why is matchmaking so important? Children have natural shyness instincts that move them to resist contact and closeness with people they are not attached to. As an attachment instinct, shyness ensures that a child follows, obeys, listens, and shares the same values as the people they are closest to. Children should naturally shy away from people who have not been sanctioned by their closest attachments.

When we look for people who will help us care for our children we consider many things such as their background, training, facilities, and demeanour but one of the most important thing to consider is whether we can foster a caring relationship between them and our child. If a child, especially young ones, do not feel at home in their adult relationships, they will be difficult to care for and may turn to their peers over their adults in terms of connection.
5 Ways to Play Matchmaker
The essence of matchmaking is being able to introduce a child and adult in a way that engages their attachment instincts and desire for contact and closeness. There are a number of strategies one can employ as a matchmaker; yet, it is as much about the science of attachment as it is the art of cultivating relationships.

To be a matchmaker a parent needs to feel empowered in this role and be a little arrogant that they are the answer to ensuring two people have a relationship. For example, at a dentist or doctors office a parent needs to take the lead in introducing their child. When we have the attachment lead with a child, we need to guide them to other caring adults and show them we approve of the connection. We can't assume that adults will collect our kids and start building a relationship with them. If we allow others to do the introductions for us, we are not in the lead. We were meant to point out to our children the people we believe to be their best bet for leaning upon.

Look for sameness and similarities

One of the ways children feel connected to adults is through sameness, meaning they feel they have something in common with them. Being the same as someone is not as vulnerable as having to share your secrets or heart. As a matchmaker, parents need to work to prime the relationship, pointing our similarities and working hard to highlight areas of likeness. For example, one mother said her four year was having a hard time settling into kindergarten so she approached his teacher for help.

"I spoke with the teacher the other day about bringing my son in early so he could settle in when there was no one else around. He seems to be anxious when things are busy so we left early to get him there before all of the kids started trickling in. We then packed his dinosaurs to bring to school and spoke about how wonderful it was to bring things to share with his teacher and friends. His teacher noticed his tote when he walked in the class and asked questions about it and that seemed to make him super happy! And then they walked to the carpet and set up his toys. I gave him a high 5 and said his teacher and friends were going to be super happy to see what he brought! He then turned to me and waved goodbye!!! No tears, no fuss!"

There are many ways to draw out similarities, from similar interests, experiences, to desires. When kids feel that they have something in common with people that care for them, they are more likely to be more receptive to their care. The challenge is that a sense of sameness is often easier with their same aged peers which could come at the expense of their adult ones. This can lead to a host of problems including peer orientation where they are more influenced and take direction from their friends rather than adults.

Foster a sense of approval and connection between the adults

When a parent demonstrates that they like another adult, a child will often follow their lead. On an instinctive level the child's brain says, "If you like this person then I will like them too." When they see us expressing warmth, delight and enjoyment to another person, they are likely to follow our lead. This requires us to be thoughtful in our conversations regarding the adults in their life and ensure what they hear preserves these relationships. For example, when a child has a new teacher it will be important to express approval and interest in this person, encouraging a child to share their daily experiences with them. It is important to not judge what these adults do in front of the child as we will run the risk of thwarting their relationship. If conversations are required regarding the child, then it is often best done without them being present.

Create routines and rituals to foster connection

Creating a culture of attachment is best done through routines and rituals. Routines are great at orienting kids to the transition between their adults such as at drop off and pick up. This could include a standard hello as well as some simple conversation about everyday events like the weather or plans for the day. When a parent feels the child has connected to the adult they can say their goodbyes and leave swiftly. Hanging around to talk or prolonged goodbye often agitates young children as they don't know who they should orient too.

One father told me his drop off included pretending he was a knight and telling his 4 year old that, "The warm hearted maiden, Angela, will care for you in my absence. You are in good stead with her my son." With a bow to Angela and his son he left promptly. His son looked forward to each morning's goodbye and Angela felt empowered in her caretaking role.

Rituals foster connection and a sense of community - from celebrating holidays to special occasions. When children see adults sharing food, eating meals together, gathering, playing games or going on outings, the sense of being cared for by a village is further highlighted. For young children gradual entry and school orientations are also important rituals which allow a child to warm up to a teacher or daycare provider and feel comfortable with them.

Maintain a hierarchy of attachments

It is fine to introduce children to many adults as long as we keep their attachment hierarchy in place. The parent(s) need to be at the top of the hierarchy with all other adults falling under them. To ensure this, a parent needs to explain to whom a child should go to for help when needed.

If a child sees a parent being reprimanded, dismissed, or treated poorly by other adults, it can threaten their attachment hierarchy with the parent at the helm. If a parent needs support then it is best to do it in a way that preserves the parent role in the eyes of a child. Admonishing parents in front of their child can hurt a child in the long run. They need to feel and believe their parents know how to care for them, even if the parent needs support in being able to do this.

Hellos and goodbyes can be provocative for kids but they are made less so when kids feel connected to adults at each of these junctures. We can't blame our kids for missing their favourite people but we can help them feel at home with other caring adults. What children need most is a network of caring adults. If we devote even half of our energy to this instead of focussing on peer to peer relationships, we could build a seamless attachment matrix around them.

Parents need to play matchmaker and introduce one's children to the supporting cast of adults that will help raise them. Children shouldn't have to question who is caring for them. They need to be free to play and focus on learning about who they are and what they can do.

Dr. Deborah MacNamara is on faculty at the Neufeld Institute, the author of Rest, Play, Grow: Making Sense of Preschoolers (or anyone who acts like one), and Director of the Kid's Best Bet, a counselling and family resource center. For more information see www.macnamara.ca or www.neufeldinstitute.org.

With relief and delight my sister called me and said her 6 year old son had just drawn a picture of someone he loved - he drew his teacher of three weeks - Ms. Cod. Here is his lovely picture of the two of them together, side by side, with matching yellow bodies and black pants. Their arms are out stretched to embrace coupled with big smiles on their faces. The differences are obvious, Ms. Cod is bigger and she has orange hair and he has locks that are a darker shade of red. As if to cement the relationship, my nephew makes his intentions clear and writes, "I love you Ms. Cod." His love does not to go unrequited as she lets him know she thinks he is pretty special too. While it is clear this teacher has my nephew's heart, does she know what she will get along with it?

When a child attaches to their teacher it unlocks a powerhouse of characteristics that make a child teachable. When you have the heart of a child, you have the keys to unlock their mind and learning potential. Ms. Cod has much more than my nephew's heart, she has the power to teach him.
The Characteristics of a Good Relationship Between a Teacher and Student
When a child is attached to their teacher they are inclined to follow them, listen, want to be the same as, talk like, be good for, inclined to agree with, take direction from, be open to influence from, and seek to measure up. The characteristics that make kids easy to teach for are the result of healthy attachment - not teaching style, technology, curriculum, or classroom space.

A mother asked me to help her understand why her 7 year old son was being sent to the Principal's office repeatedly despite his good behaviour in kindergarten and grade one the previous year? I asked her if he liked his teacher and she said, "no, he really dislikes her and says he wants the teacher he had last year." There are few if any disciplinary measures that are effective substitutes for a healthy relationship with a teacher.

The purpose of attachment is to facilitate dependence. It allows a teacher to lead with natural authority in the classroom and to take care of their students. It is their relationship that helps kids endure the hard parts of learning and the homework that is required. Attachment creates a sense of home, provides comfort, rest, and a place of retreat when the day is hard. To foster a child's resilience at school we only need to work on their relationship with their teacher.

When a child is attached to a teacher they are easily commanded by them, guided and directed, as well as adopt and share their values. Kids want to stay close to teachers they like and will be steadfastly loyal to them. A strong relationship with a teacher helps a child feel safe at school and empowers teachers in their role.
Strategies for Cultivating Connections at School
The saying "it takes two to dance" is a good metaphor when considering the teacher and student relationship. The good news is both parents and teachers can play an important role in ensuring a child feels connected to their teachers.

How did this teacher win my nephew's heart? My sister tells me she is both firm and caring in how she deals with her kids. She welcomes the students to class, has a twinkle in her eye when she sees them, as well as warmth in her voice. She connects with them throughout the day, she is patient and kind, and she doesn't shame the kids when they are struggling in class. Ms. Cod has a way of holding onto her relationship with her little charges throughout the impasses that come up each day. She seems to know that the relationship is the most important thing to protect.

What can parents do to help the relationship between a teacher and student develop? They can matchmake their child to their teacher by pointing out similarities. It is a well known fact that we tend to like people that are like us! A child might also bring in something to show their teacher as a means of connecting with them as well as share their stories. A parent can show delight and warmth when talking about a teacher or when a child shares what happens at school. When a child sees their parent likes and trusts their teacher, that child is likely to follow suit.

On a last note I wish to send all the Ms. and Mr. Cod's out there a heartfelt thank you. You bring relief to parents (and auntie's too), when we know you have our children's hearts. Kid's learn best from the people they are attached to and we think you are pretty special too.

Dr. Deborah MacNamara is the Director of Kid's Best Bet, a counselling and family resource center, on Faculty at the Neufeld Institute, and author of Rest, Play, Grow: Making Sense of Preschoolers (or anyone who acts like one). For more information please see www.macnamara.ca or www.neufeldinstitute.org.

What is the difference between a great teacher and a master teacher? After years of hiring and working with teachers, along with decades of experience in the classroom, I am convinced there are a few tangible things that set these groups apart. Here are the five things I have learned from being a teacher and watching master teachers in action.

Master teachers know it is the relationship they have with their students that opens their minds to learning. They know their degree of influence in a classroom is attributable to the strength of their relationship with their students. Kids instinctively look up to, follow, obey, are loyal to, try to measure up to, seek to please, listen to, defer to, and share the same values of teachers they are attached to. These characteristics are not about a child's character but indicative of the connection they have with their teachers.

Strong attachments to one's teacher enhances school success, is related to higher grades, better emotional regulation, and a student's willingness to take on challenges. To build this attachment each child needs to be collected. Collecting and building a connection can be as simple as saying hello, having a small conversation, or checking in about a shared interest. For students who are harder to reach it might require a consistent effort to find a way to come to their side and engage them in things that they will talk about.

One mother told me her son had been sent to the principal's office three times in September despite having a successful kindergarten experience the prior year. When I asked her if he liked his teacher she said, "No, he hates her." I told her the problem wasn't with her son but with his relationship he had with his teacher - she didn't have his heart.

When a student has a connection with their teacher they will trust in their care and readily follow them. This is how a master teacher influences a child's attitude to learning and school overall. When we look back to the teachers we remember most, they were the ones we gave our hearts to for safe keeping.

Injecting play into learning enhances engagement

Play is a natural way to help kids learn. When the pressure comes off producing outcomes, kids are more willing to experiment, be curious, and creative. I would often tell my students I wished I didn't have to grade them because I felt it detracted from their overall engagement in learning.

I have watched master teachers inject play into their lectures - science teachers who wheeled carts of chemicals outside to experiment with - to teachers who sang their lesson plans with a guitar in hand. I sorted my students into groups by putting them into families such as the Simpsons or Ozbournes, or gave them crayons and paper to draw out their academic work, or used yarn balls to turn the classroom into a web of connections. For more mature students, it was the stories their teachers told about their subject area that made learning more engaging.

Master teachers inject play and fun into their teaching methods, engaging their student's interest and easing the pressure that comes with being focussed on outcomes. When we look back to where we learned the most it was usually when we got to play at figuring things out, at making connections, and through trial and error. When a teacher makes work feel like play, they will engage students attention and create a natural learning environment.

An invitation to learn goes a lot farther than coercion

Master teachers know that you can't make anyone learn but you do need to invite them to. Engaging a student means taking time to ask about their questions on a subject, what they already know about it, and why they might be interested in learning more? Master teachers know learning is about asking a student to step forward to be an active participant rather than a passive bystander. A student will feel invited to learn by a teacher's generosity, warmth, and their desire to know and understand who someone is as a learner.

Master teachers know that coming alongside a child's effort and their intentions are more important than focusing on the outcome. They encourage persistence, make room for resistance, and ensure a child knows they are not alone in their struggle to learn. When I was involved in hiring teachers I always looked through their academic transcript to see whether they had struggled as a student. I would ask those who had to tell me the story of how they had found their way through. It was these teachers that often spoke most about how learning can be frustrating and that what every kid needed was to look at a teacher who believed they could succeed. What a student sees in their teacher's eyes shapes how they see oneself as a learner.

How you treat one student is applied to all

Master teacher's know that what is good for one student is automatically applied to everyone else in a class. Students learn vicariously through watching how a teacher leads through impasses in the class, deals with breaches to rules and limits, and manages learning and behavioural challenges. When a master teacher handles these things in a way that maintains a firm caring stance while preserving a student's dignity, everyone in a class will feel more secure as a result.

A student will only feel as safe in a class room as it is safe for the struggling student. It is a master teacher's ability to lead this student that will give other students a sense of rest and help to quell anxiety and alarm. Research suggests that when a teacher yells or is unable to handle difficult situations in a classroom, it can take a child's body hours to release the tension and stress stirred up in these situations.

Students can't learn if they are worried and are unsure about whether a teacher can lead through situations that arise. Students judge how other's are treated and automatically apply the same criteria to oneself.

5. The most difficult kids to manage are the ones that need you the most
Master teachers know that the hardest students to teach and build relationships with are the ones that need adults most of all. Not all students are ready to learn when they come to school. Learning requires a luxury in attention that not all students have - there are other distressing issues and events that have hijacked their focus.

Every student has a story to tell and a lack of learning isn't always about the relationship with a teacher but indicative of a child's overall life situation. Master teachers are often moved to reach out to these students and see past the behaviour and learning problems. They yearn to give these students an adult relationship that will work for them, to invite them to learn, and to lean on them. What they offer these kids is a lifeline. They work to help the students see they are still holding onto them, that they are still welcome to be in relationship with them, and that they are confident there is a way through.

Kids who need adults most of all often reveal it in the most unusual of ways and master teachers know this. They are developmentalists at heart and believe all things grow with time, patience, and good caretaking.

What master teachers know is that neither their curriculum, nor educational technology, nor credentials will assure them of success in a classroom. They know that what their students need most of all is an invitation for relationship where they feel a sense of belonging, of mattering, of being seen, heard, and of being valued. The teachers who start from this place will take their students far. It is surest way to know that they will be following close behind.

Dr. Deborah MacNamara is a counsellor and Director of Kid's Best Bet Counselling and Family Resource Centre, on faculty at the Neufeld Institute, and author of Rest, Play, Grow: Making Sense of Preschoolers (or anyone who acts like one). For more information see www.macnamara.ca or www.neufeldinstitute.org.

An interview based on the presentation Lost Art of Play: Helping Children Become their Own Person for the Vancouver International Children's Festival PEP series. It aired on May 13, 2013 and the interviewer was Stephen Quinn from CBC, On the Coast, Vancouver, BC.

http://macnamara.ca/wp-content/uploads/2015/01/ON-THE-COAST-Deborah-MacNamara-2.mp3

First day at school pictures seem to fill family photo albums. These images capture the significance of the 'going-back-to-school' ritual, a celebration of a key milestone in a child's life. Despite excitement, there is usually apprehension in both kids and parents but if we are to help them we need to consider this transition through their emotions. The biggest factor driving much of their reaction and experience is separation anxiety. Children are creatures of attachment and when separated from those they are connected to, the alarm system in their brain starts to make a lot of noise. They can become anxious and scared because the people they lean against, feel secure, and are at home with, are disappearing and leaving them behind. It is a compliment to your relationship when a child misses you - in fact - it was actually nature's intention. Fortunately, there are many ways to help reduce a child's separation anxiety and help them adjust to their new school surroundings.

Become a Match-Maker

As parents we entrust our children to people who are educated, have good facilities, and interesting curriculum but what matters most is whether the teacher has our child's heart. The whole idea behind gradual entry into school for young children has less to do with touring the facilities and more about fostering relationships with the adults in charge. Our kids care little about credentials and more about whether they can trust someone to take care of them. The research consistently demonstrates that if a child does not rest in a teacher's care and feel at home they will struggle to learn from them.

When we lived in villages of attachment, children were cared for by people they already knew. Today we do not have the luxury of these prior relationships. We must cultivate these relationships and busy ourselves with introductions and matchmaking between teacher and child. We can do this in a number of ways, from pointing out similarities to helping them smile and connect with one another. Research from educational psychology demonstrates that a strong attachment to one's teacher actually enhances school success, is related to higher grades, better emotional regulation and a willingness to take on challenges. Matchmaking to other children in an effort to have them settle into their new surroundings will only court peer attachment rather than the strong adult attachments they need to rely on.
2. Bridge the Gap
The second strategy is to help the child hold onto you when you are separated. This could include giving them a locket, a picture of you, a note in the lunchbox - anything that conveys to them you are still there even though apart. When saying goodbye to the child focus on the return and what you will do when you see them again. You may remind them that you will make cookies after school or read a story together or simply just give them a big hug. In saying good-bye to your child you want to make it easy for them to leave you and this means helping them realize all the ways you are still connected.
3. Deepen Your Attachment
Deepening the relationship with our children provides them with a secure base from which to spring forth into their new surroundings and adjust. The deeper the attachment with parents, the more they are able to withstand separation because they have more ways to keep a parent close, from being the same, feeling significant to them, to a sense of love and being known. The goal is not to practice at separation but rather to deepen the attachment so that the distance between you is bridged by your deeper relationship. Attachment research demonstrates how the expression of delight, enjoyment and warmth builds strong relationships. Building and protecting our attachments with children whether that be collecting them in the morning or sharing secrets before bedtime can go far in helping them feel connected and cared for despite the separations they face.
4. Watch and Wait
As parents we remain watchful from our sideline position, waiting for things to unfold and for our children to settle into school. Signs to pay attention to include elevated levels of anxiety, frustration, an overreliance on peers, a dislike for their teacher, and a numbing of emotions where they no longer talk about what distresses them. These signs warrant a closer examination of how a child is weathering the transition to school and the challenges they are facing.

Change and new beginnings are part of life. September school transitions quickly turn in to waving goodbye to a university bound young teen. Helping our children by matchmaking, bridging the separation, and deepening our relationship may seem small in the grand scheme of things but is a big deal in their world. The goal is to guide them through their transition while they feel attached to us and to their teachers. When they can take for granted the adults in their life will take care of them, they will be free to focus on what it is that they need to do most - to play, to learn, and to grow.
Dr. Deborah MacNamara is a counsellor and founder Kid's Best Bet, Counselling and Family Resource Centre, on faculty at the Neufeld Institute, and author of Rest, Play, Grow: Making Sense of Preschoolers (or anyone who acts like one). She works with parents, educators, child-care and mental health professionals in making sense of kids from the inside out. See www.macnamara.ca or www.neufeldinstitute.com for more information.
I remember being overjoyed when my parents bought our first dishwasher. Overnight I was rescued from the drudgery of washing dinner plates. I was even more ecstatic when my parents bought our first colour television. I still laugh when I tell my children, "Mommy used to watch television in black and white".

Board games, record players, paper books, air guitar with tennis rackets, and outdoor play were the substance of my weekends and summer vacations. I feel a sentimental attachment to these experiences, especially as I watch them being transformed by technology. My kids have their movies on demand and can find their way around an itunes library. When they are playing I overhear their Barbies talk on cell phones and their Polly Pockets invent devices that navigate a miniature terrain. In these moments I feel as if I am standing between two worlds. I am an immigrant to this new digital world but my children are its true digital natives. They have never known a world without internet, computers, handheld devices, and screens to navigate by.

We love our technology and who couldn't − it has given us tools to do things we only once imagined. The fact is though, with every step forward there are losses left in its wake. As a parent raising children in a digital world I am left to contemplate whether all these technological devices are what my children really need? What is lost when screens and devices become part of their play? How do I make sense of these new tools and the role they serve in my children's life?

David Suzuki suggests when a new tool is introduced, it takes one to two hundred years for new rituals and customs to form around its use. I don't have two hundred years to figure this out and neither do my kids. Parents continuously face questions whether they should allow their kids to have a facebook page, cell phone, play video games, or post content and surf on the Internet. The problem is we will never find our answers if we keep asking these type of questions. We need to consider the heart of this issue, that is, how do these new tools help or hinder our children's development?

The irreducible needs of children are very clear from a developmental perspective. First, our children need to become their own person and develop their own ideas. The way they start to develop this sense of agency and become an actor in their world is through play. It is here they play fight, play house, and play at figuring out the world around them - consequence free. This unscripted, unmitigated play is critical to eventually figuring out who they are. The question is whether technological devices foster this type of play in our children?

The type of devices our children have in their hands have the capacity to rob them of their expressive and exploratory play. Our children are often at the mercy of other people's ideas, which only serves to limit theirs. What can possibly compare to the stories they can create and the adventures they go on with their trains or dolls? There is so much that needs to come out of them. We need to stay cognizant to what gets lost when they are bounded by a device, an algorithm or another person's ideas. Their expressive and exploratory play is the vehicle for growth into personhood and without these spaces they cannot make their internal world emerge.

The other irreducible need of children is that they need rest in order to grow. As an adult I often feel overwhelmed with too much information bombarding me. My attentional systems are often overtaxed and I have taken multitasking to an all-new level. I don't need any more information, I just need some time, space, and rest so I can process it. Our children need the same so they can find their own questions and develop their own meanings before being introduced to other people's answers. Our children need spaces free of distractions, information, and entertainment so they can focus on what interests them. When the focus is on putting information into them, we lose sight of the questions that were meant to come out first.

The other irreducible need of children is to experience their world in a vulnerable way where the losses and lacks of life are truly felt. From the checker games they never win against their grandfather to the sports activities where winners and losers are clearly defined − these all serve to teach them something. These small losses are what prepare children for the big upsets that will be part of their life too. There will be jobs they don't get, people that don't love them back, and constant reminders of the unfairness of life. Does a videogame world with a reset button and endless lives prepare our children for the world they will live in? I fear not. We cannot possibly exchange the lessons learned in the real world, in real time, with the world that is created on our screens. There is too much lost and so little that is learned when the futilities of life come with a reset button.

I love my technology but this isn't about love. It is about developmental readiness that needs to be considered when putting these tools into our children's hands. Our children need to be full of their own ideas before we introduce them to the ideas of so many others. They need to have the space to attend to the questions inside of them instead of the distractions posed by too much information and entertainment. They need to be able to accept the futilities of life in the real world and with people that were meant to be their life teachers.

To keep this new world in perspective, I view my children's new tools on the same level as all the other treats they desire. As Gordon Neufeld says, "there is nothing wrong with cookies but every parent knows there is a time and a place for them". Cookies are treats and we ought to savour them − their sweetness need not blind us. Treats are just cheap substitutes for the real things that were meant to nourish and grow us. Parents have always been the ones to decide when cookies are in order. Treats shouldn't be eaten on an empty stomach and before all of the other good stuff goes in.

Healthy development is always a matter of timing. Parents were meant to act as buffers against the outside world and determine when children are ready to experience it. Before we plug our children in, we need to consider what they will be unplugged from. Helping them become their own person is the goal and parents are still the best devices that help them get there.

Copyright Deborah MacNamara, PhD, Kid's Best Bet - Dr. Deborah MacNamara is a counsellor in private practice and on faculty at the Neufeld Institute. She works with parents, educators, child-care and mental health professionals in making sense of kids from the inside out. See www.macnamara.ca or www.neufeldinstitute.com for more information.

Children typically associate summertime with rest and play whereas September can bring groans in returning to schoolwork. While play and work are opposite they are still connected and mutually beneficial. In fact, the research is very clear that both play and work activities have a role in the growth and development of a child. It is through play that the problem solving and neural networks in the brain grow, allowing a child to benefit from the stimulation and instruction of a school environment. Research studies from neuroscience demonstrate that children who lack conditions that foster play actually have brains that are 20 to 30% less developed in capacity. Play is not empty time; it is how children build the brains that are required for work and learning.

Many would argue that we have become increasingly preoccupied with work and outcomes in the 21 st century at the sacrifice of play. In universities this is evident in the increasing number of research projects that are focused on producing products or knowledge with a marketable application. This is done at the expense of research that pursues creative interests and discovery, regardless of application. In many ways, the need to produce serves to handcuff creativity. Some progressive workplaces have caught onto this and have carved time into their employee's workday for playing and creating, free of the constraints and pressure to produce. When we turn our gaze to children we see increasing pressure to produce and work even in their free time from school. We turn them into workers through extracurricular activities. From sports to music you hear the language of outcome, of doing better, of building skills, and of advancing to the next level. The focus of the activity shifts from having fun in the moment to the end goal.

Nonetheless, if the pendulum were swung in the opposite direction and it was only about playing and creating with little work, we would struggle to survive. The functioning of our society and its' very fabric necessitate work and sacrifice among its members. The children's story, The Three Little Pigs tells the cautionary tale that sometimes play needs to be sacrificed for the purpose of building a strong foundation that can withstand adversity. It was with this belief that I persevered through many years of formal education, valuing the work and sacrifice required to earn degrees and build a foundation for my future.

Perhaps the answer is never found in pendulum swings but in the movement between the two. We need both work and play and to unbalance our children in either regard puts them at a disadvantage. The cost of all work and no play is the loss of creativity and in discovering one's unique fingerprint in this world. I have taught university students who are capable of hard work but lack creativity and creative students who struggle to work. It is a delight to find students who can be creative as well as work hard. In fact, I used to plead with my first year university students to stop looking to academia for the answers and to bring their questions to school instead. I encouraged them to leave the land of "is this going to be on the test?" to "my brain feels on fire with a million possibilities and permutations." My desire for each of them was to find time to play with the ideas they were working to learn.

The reality is that work is a part of life and our goals necessitate sacrifice. We need at some point to engage our children to value that nothing worthwhile ever comes without a little effort. However, it is not until around the age of 5 to 7 that this capacity for understanding work becomes developmentally appropriate. Changes in the prefrontal cortex will allow them for the first time ever to hang onto two thoughts simultaneously. Work requires this conflictual relationship, of being able to sacrifice and manage frustration because on the other side is a desired outcome. Indeed, this was my daughter's experience of her first week in grade one where the curriculum is shifting away from play and into skill acquisition and mastery. When asked how her first week went she gave it a thumbs up and a thumbs down. She said that part of grade one was fun but the other part of it was work. I acknowledged her new found realization, that both play and work are part of life and what interesting dance partners they make indeed.

Copyright Deborah MacNamara, PhD, Kid's Best Bet - Dr. Deborah MacNamara is a counsellor in private practice and on faculty at the Neufeld Institute. She works with parents, educators, child-care and mental health professionals in making sense of kids from the inside out. See www.macnamara.ca or www.neufeldinstitute.com for more information.

My husband is an avid downhill mountain biker and would love nothing more than to share this love of bikes with our two daughters. The problem is that my 4-year old daughter doesn't share his love of bikes. She has a nice new bike that she even picked out, but alas, she is more in love with the accessories that go with it - like the blue water bottle in the nap sack. She will ride 10 feet and then proclaim she is thirsty and get off to have a sip of water and graciously share with her sister. I can tell my husband is disappointed that my daughter would rather walk her bike and play with it than ride. Although he doesn't say so, I know it also bothers him that some of her friends LOVE riding their bikes and are doing so WITHOUT training wheels! What is a Dad to do?

Last year my husband faced the same issue but with ice-skating instead. He signed her up for lessons only to find she wasn't interested and refused to go on the ice. I don't think these types of situations are uncommon in families as it is natural to want to share one's interests with our children. Some children aren't interested - does it mean they never will be? Can a parent encourage or move a child in this direction?

Understanding the difference between form and spirit is critical. Does a child want to ride a bike? Learn to ice skate? Play a musical instrument? Is there a bias in the child to try these new things? If not, then we put the form or the learning before the spirit or desire. Why is this a problem? Because the desire for the learning is the parents and not the child's. It will serve to diminishes the spirit for learning in the child.

In talking to my husband about this he equates it to the difference between hockey players in North America vs. countries that start to train athletic children from a young age to play sports because of their physical prowess. The spirit for the game of hockey is very evident in North American players by comparison and he attributes this to putting spirit before form. I also think of one of my dearest friends who learned to play the piano at age 3 and achieved a high degree of success. I have never heard her play because she just doesn't enjoy it. She says it was her Mother's dream and not her desire. In the end it became an exercise to perform to meet other people's needs but she takes no nourishment or joy from playing.

So if you want your child to play music or even be toilet trained then you have to ask yourself whether or not they want to be. If they don't, then work at exposing them but not pushing and set the stage for their initiative to emerge. Letting their desire take the lead in the learning process can do much to propel them forward. Spirit is what needs to come first. When a child has a desire to learn then it is easy to teach them the form, in fact, this will be effortless in comparison. When we try to teach them when there is little desire then we are putting the cart before the horse.

My daughter isn't the fastest swimmer nor the most athletic in the water, in fact her leg kicks remind me of a 'Friends' TV episode of Phoebe running in the park. The thing I will say about her is that she has spirit, she loves the water, can't wait for her next lesson and her teacher often remarks on her enthusiasm. On top of it all, her wild leg kicks has fondly earned the nickname 'mermaid' which suits her just fine. I just have to keep reminding my husband that she will get there and when she does, it will be hers to cherish and relish in.

Copyright Deborah MacNamara, PhD, Kid's Best Bet - Dr. Deborah MacNamara is a counsellor in private practice and on faculty at the Neufeld Institute. She works with parents, educators, child-care and mental health professionals in making sense of kids from the inside out. See www.macnamara.ca or www.neufeldinstitute.com for more information.

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Re-entry has begun and we are now preparing to return to parts of our lives, like work and schooling, without knowing exactly what this looks like. How do we lead our children? What do they need from us? Can they adapt to the new realities of social distancing at schools and will this create anxiety and emotional problems for them?

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The Sorry Plane
When Molly accidentally breaks a balloon she and her sister Lucy have found, Lucy demands an apology. But, as Molly describes in fanciful, imaginative scenarios, her sorries are all gone: hiding under the bed, down the sink, off to Paris on the Sorry Plane.

As their mother explains, we can't say sorry if we don't have any sorries in us. But when our sorries return, as Molly's eventually do, we can give them to others.

Brilliantly illustrated with captivating images by artist Zoe Si, The Sorry Plane carries a profound message about the importance of connecting with our authentic emotions. It highlights how a good sorry is one that you mean from the heart and how we adults can preserve a child's caring spirit.

The Sorry Plane bears the Neufeld Institute Recommended seal which highlights children's literature that is congruent with developmental science as well as with the relational-developmental approach articulated by Dr. Gordon Neufeld, PhD

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"Say Sorry!" How Forced Sorry's Do More Harm Than Good

If you are around a playground or schoolyard long enough you are bound to hear a child or adult say, "You need to say you're sorry." These words are meant to soothe hurts, prevent kids from taking justice into their own hands, and convey rules for behaviour.

You will also hear kids point out insincere sorry's when they hear them and demand, "you need to say sorry like you mean it!" Forced sorry's sound hollow because they are usually devoid of genuine caring. The problem is that while we can force a child to say sorry, it doesn't mean that they feel remorse.

How to Raise Caring Kids

We get take delight watching kids when they are full of caring: from the kindness they show siblings, to helping others out, to paying attention in school. We also watch in horror when children are cruel to each other, dominate and bully, or selfishly put their needs first without considering others. What is the difference between caring and uncaring kids? When caring is absent on a consistent basis, is this due to genetics, parenting, school issues, modeling from other kids, or something else within the child themself?

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The Sorry Plane When Molly accidentally breaks a balloon she and her sister Lucy have found, Lucy demands an apology. But, as Molly describes in fanciful, imaginative scenarios, her sorries are all gone: hiding under the bed, down the sink, off to Paris on the Sorry Plane.

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[adapted from article published by ADL; link below]
Help young children learn to identify their own and others' feelings and emotions. This creative lesson plan uses reflection, discussion, art and dance to explore feelings and teach children to promote positive feelings in one another by practicing kindness in their daily lives. Working together, children create visual representations of feelings to use as catalysts for discussions throughout the year.
Objectives:
Children will reflect on, explore, and share their feelings about starting a new school year, meeting new children and teachers, and experiencing new environments.

Children will learn about the connection between words, actions and feelings.

Children will create visual representations to depict a variety of feelings, which can be used as a catalyst for future discussions.

Children will develop empathy for other children through sharing personal experiences and exploring commonly-shared emotions and feelings.

Estimated Time: 1-3 class meetings (approximately 20 minutes each)

Materials Needed: Chart paper, markers or crayons, magazines containing pictures of diverse people showing a wide range of emotions, glue, instruments or music and cassette or CD player. [NOTE: If magazines are not available, use drawing supplies such as paper, crayons, pencils or markers so children can draw their own pictures of people with different emotions].

Preparation: Ask children to bring in magazines that they can use to create the "Class Collage" part of this lesson. If magazines are not available, have children draw pictures to use in the collage.
Group Discussion Component
1. Explore the concept of "feelings" by leading a discussion that invites children to reflect on their own feelings (e.g., about starting a new school year, meeting new children and teachers, and experiencing new environments - or any relevant theme ). Use some of the questions below to prompt discussion, modifying questions when necessary. Avoid equating feelings of sadness and/or anger as wrong or bad with children; reassure children that all people experience anger and sadness sometimes.

What are feelings?

Does everyone have feelings?

Does everyone have the same feelings? Does everyone express them the same way?

How did you feel about meeting new children in your class this year?

How did you feel about already knowing some of the children in your class?

How did you feel about having a new teacher?

How did you feel about already knowing some of the teachers you have this year?

How did you feel coming to a new place for school?

How did you feel coming to a familiar place?

2. List all the feelings discussed on a large sheet of poster board or chart paper, leaving adequate space between the words for the "Class Collage" component of this activity.

3. Lead a discussion to help children gain an understanding of how their words and actions can promote certain feelings and/or actions. While all feelings are acceptable, help children understand that some actions are not acceptable. For example, name-calling, hitting, biting may be a result of feeling angry or hurt, but these actions do not help lead to a resolution of the original problem. Use some of the questions below to prompt discussion.

How do you feel when someone shares his or her toy with you? What might you do?

How do you feel when someone will not share his or her toy with you? What might you do?

How do you feel when someone says that he or she likes the block tower you just built? What might you do?

How do you feel if someone knocks down the block tower you just built? What might you do?

How do you feel if someone calls you a name? What might you do?

4. Ask children to identify the feelings on their list that result from different behaviors and actions (such as being kind to one another, inviting or excluding someone from play, etc). Circle those particular words using a brightly colored marker or crayon.

5. Ask children to think about or demonstrate the facial and body expressions they might have while experiencing each of the circled feelings.
"Class Collage"
1. Explain to the children that they will work together to create a "Class Collage" that depicts the various feelings on the list they created during the group discussion component of this lesson. Explain that they will hang the collage in a prominent place in the room so it can be used as a visual catalyst throughout the year to continue reflection about how their behaviors towards one another can trigger various feelings. Explain that it will also be used to help them create a "Feelings Dance."

2. To create the collage, separate the children into several small groups and distribute magazines containing pictures of diverse people showing a wide range of emotions. [ If magazines are not available, use drawing supplies.]

3. One word at a time, point to each feeling on the list; as you read the word, have children search through their magazines and cut out (or tear) pictures of people showing that emotion. [If magazines are not available, have children draw pictures that express that emotion.]

4. One by one, have the children paste their pictures next to the word of the corresponding feeling on the group list.
"Feelings Dance"
1. Lead the children in a discussion of the different expressions and body language illustrated in each picture on the "Class Collage." Use some of the below questions to prompt discussion.

Which feelings do you see in people's faces? Tell us more about that.

What other parts of the body were used to express feelings? Describe and have children pantomime.

How is posture used in expressing feelings?

What feelings are easy to express through pantomime?

What feelings are easy to express in real life?

2. Explain that children will work together to create a "Feelings Dance" of the words listed on the collage.

3. Read each word on the "Class Collage" and have children pantomime each emotion using facial expressions and body language. Repeat the list of words and again have children move their bodies and faces to express the feeling; this series of words and movements becomes their "Feelings Dance."

4. Help children play musical tapes, CD's or use instruments to accompany the movements for their dance.
Extended Activities:
1. Have children make a "Feelings" book by having them draw or cut out pictures of places, things, or people that make them feel different emotions. Assemble all the pictures into one "Class Feelings Book" which can be shared during group time. For a home/school connection, display the completed book where adults who pick up children at the end of the day can see it.

2. Have children use art supplies to create "Feelings Masks" that depict the emotions listed on the "Class Collage" from the previous lesson. Provide an opportunity for children to share their masks with a partner or in small groups. Then display the masks in the room.

3. Invite children to paint or color pictures of people showing different feelings and emotions. Have them discuss how colors can be used to express emotion. Ask them how each color makes them feel.

4. Play music with different tempos and moods and ask the children to describe how the music makes them feel. Have them move to the different music while expressing the mood the music evokes.

To see which National Standards the lesson plan meets, go to:
http://archive.adl.org/education/911/911_prek.html

Please share your experiences here or on Visiting Feelings' Facebook page!

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Feelings lesson plan - Visiting Feelings

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adapted from article published by ADL; link below] Help young children learn to identify their own and others' feelings and emotions. This creative lesson plan uses reflection, discussion, art and dance to explore feelings and teach children to promote positive feelings in one another by practicing kindness in their daily lives.

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My Many Colored Days | Lesson Plan | Education.com

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In this lesson, students will read the story My Many Colored Days by Dr. Seuss, and reflect on the many different feelings we may experience.

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THÈME

INTENTION PÉDAGOGIQUE

Amener les enfants à s'approprier le vocabulaire et des informations sur les sentiments et les émotions
en exploitant les TIC et en effectuant des liens avec la littérature enfantine.

APPLI-LIVRE DÉCLENCHEUR

La grande fabrique de mots

Présentation de cette application et suggestions pour exploiter cet appli-livre disponibleICI .

CODES QR CARTES À IMPRIMER DES HISTOIRES CLASSÉES PAR THÈMES

AUTRES SUGGESTIONS DE LIVRES

Dans mon petit coeur, de Jo Witek

La couleur des émotions, par Anna Llenas

Un câlin pour ma colère, de Fifi Kuo

Rouge de colère, de Kimiko

Je suis triste, de Michael Ian Black et Debbie Ridpath Ohi

Les grosses colères du petit éléphant, Henri Dès raconte

Maëlle la timide, Henri Dès raconte
Les mots doux, de Karl Norac et Claude K. Dubois

Séquence vidéo

Suggestion d'activité filmée par le MÉQ à l'intention des enseignantes :
À l'aide d'une tablette tactile, chaque enfant est invité à prendre une photo de lui et de son estampe, puis il doit ajouter d'autres éléments visuels pour illustrer sa page du livre numérique collectif.

Autre histoire :

- Joyeux ou triste? , de Bertrand Gauthier

Balados :

TNI

- Plusieurs activités sur les émotions sont disponibles sur le site , entre autres :

-Activités gratuites sur la communauté(pour Notebook)

-

- Activités gratuites sur la communautéClassflow (pour ActivInspire)

- Chansons :

Danses :

Vidéos

TABLETTE

- Liste de différentes applications en lien avec ce thème disponible .

- Très belle activité créative sur les émotions (et leurs couleurs) à réaliser via la tablette tactile et Pic collage (voir vidéo ).

- Réalisation du projet " Chantons des petits mots doux " sur le site du Service national du RÉCIT à l'éducation préscolaire (possibilité de le faire via le TNI, la tablette ou l'ordinateur).

ORDINATEUR

- Toutes les activités proposées dans la section TNI peuvent être réalisables à l'ordinateur (si le logiciel Notebook ou Active est installé).

- Activité permettant de mettre en scène l'une des émotions proposées et de la capturer à l'aide de la Webcam afin d'en faire un fichier PDF disponible sur ce site français. Voir la description plus détaillée de l'activité sur cette * Attention! Vous devez vous créer un compte (gratuit).

- Activité créée par une enseignante de maternelle, en lien avec l'album du même nom.

- Voir les images du Grand monde du préscolaire sur le thème des émotions en cliquant ICI

BEE-BOT OU BLUE-BOT

Se créer un tapis avec des cartes (de 15 cm) sur lesquelles sont représentées des émotions (que l'on place sous un tapis transparent) :

En imprimant cet des émotions et sentiments.

Images gratuites pour les tapis de robotique en lien avec les émotions par .

- Possibilité de jouer avec un dé des émotions en papier tels que ceux disponibles ou ou .

ou sur .

SCRATCH JR

Activité "Aujourd'hui, je suis... avec Scratch Jr "

SPHERO

- Activité présentée par Michael Marchand et Louise Lemay :

, diapositives 23 à 28

Mise à jour : 20-04-2022

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THÈME INTENTION PÉDAGOGIQUE Amener les enfants à s'approprier le vocabulaire et des informations sur les sentiments et les émotions en exploitant les TIC et en effectuant des liens avec la littérature enfantine. APPLI-LIVRE DÉCLENCHEUR La grande fabrique de mots Présentation de cette application et suggestions pour exploiter cet appli-livre disponibleICI .

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Introduce children, ages 3-5, to different types of feelings using the emotive faces of vegetables and fruits with moods.

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Background & Learning Outcomes:
This story time and the follow-up activities are designed to help preschool children learn to recognize and name different feelings. Children will also learn to identify their own feelings and express them. Recognizing feelings is an important skill. It is the first step towards other skills like getting along with others, demonstrating kindness towards others and learning how to respond to difficult feelings. This activity can be done at school or at home.
Materials:

Book: "The Way I Feel" by Janan Cain, a book about feelings commonly experienced by children.

Art supplies for follow-up activities

Teaching and Learning Activities (during Story Time):

ACTIVATE THINKING: Introduce the book "The Way I Feel" to the children. Ask the group what feelings are. Have them give examples of different feelings they have.

Read the story.

Ask the children to share times when they felt silly, scared, happy, sad, angry, excited and proud.

Use the children's examples and additional situations and ask them to show you with their faces and bodies how they would feel.

Adaptations:

Print off outlines of faces or use paper plates and provide markers for children to fill in the facial expressions.

Read other books about feelings as well as regularly ask children to identify feelings in storybook characters.

Incorporate sharing feelings into the class' daily routine

Paint feelings. Put out different colours of paint and put on music. Invite children to listen to the music and think about how it makes them feel. Encourage them to use the different paint colours to show how they feel. Try this with different clips of music.

Create other scenarios and ask children to demonstrate how they would feel if this happened.

Create a feelings wall. With permission, take photos of the children and post them to demonstrate different feelings and/or provide magazines for children to add images to the wall.

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This story time and the follow-up activities are designed to help preschool children learn to recognize and name different feelings. Children will also learn to identify their own feelings and express them. Recognizing feelings is an important skill.

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Available in audiobook on RSB Sora by OverDrive

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Available in audiobook on RSB Sora by OverDrive

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Open a world of reading. Try Sora, the new reading app for students, by OverDrive.

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Le miroir des émotions par Orianne Lallemend et Éléonore Thuillier
ISBN : | 9782733874868 (2733874861)

Quand il est heureux, P'tit Loup a un grand sourire et ses yeux pétillent. Lorsqu'il est triste, ses oreilles tombent et ses yeux sont remplis de larmes. Un album interactif avec un miroir à chaque page pour apprendre à identifier, verbaliser et apprivoiser six émotions : la joie, la tristesse, la peur, le dégoût, la colère et la surprise.

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-Bear goes through a wide range of emotions throughout the book (surprised, angry, annoyed/frustrated, happy).
-Discuss Bear's emotions on different pages of the story and how you know he feels this way.

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Album sur les thèmes de l'humeur et des relations avec le père. Robert a passé une très mauvaise journée. Il n'est pas de bonne humeur et en plus, son papa l'a

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Être petit n'est pas facile... La souris de cette histoire en sait quelque chose et c'est la raison qui la pousse à apprendre à rugir comme un lion... Quelle sera sa surprise lorsqu'elle découvrira que le courage n'appartient pas nécessairement à celui qui crie le plus fort...

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Activity: Something Happy! Something Sad! Together we can solve it no matter what!

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Activity: Something Happy! Something Sad! Together we can solve it no matter what!

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We start our K4 day having breakfast. All the children have breakfast, those who don't want to eat don't have to . Just before we go into circle time each child shares something they are happy about and something they are sad about. Then we  ask each peer for a solution to turn the sad into happy. Ex. My mom didn't want me to bring my toy to school.
Peer: Maybe it's because it might break or you might loose it. Ask your mom to take a picture or draw us a picture. At the beginning of the year the kids say very little but by now you should hear their solutions.

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Voyez comment faire des avions en papier avec vos enfants!

Ce dont vous avez besoin :

du papier

un crayon pour écrire votre message

Les étapes :

Plier la feuille sur le sens de la longueur.

Tremper .

Il ne reste qu'à écrire votre carte!

Astuces :

Cette idée bricolage aide à pratiquer les mathématiques et l'écriture.

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Faire un pliage d'avion de papier - La CLEF

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Voyez comment faire des avions en papier avec vos enfants! Ce dont vous avez besoin : du papier un crayon pour écrire votre message Les étapes : Plier la feuille sur le sens de la longueur. Tremper . Il ne reste qu'à écrire votre carte!

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Free resource from TpT

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Si Tu As D'la Joie Au Cœur (Version avec Paroles) | Kids Super Songs Français

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Activity

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Petit brico...

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https://spark.adobe.com/video/S4UT1CoFZ4EWV

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Cet album nous décrit tout ce qui se passe à l'intérieur d'un petit garçon lorsqu'il se met en colère. Pour un non prononcé par sa maman, le petit héros de cette histoire se transforme en dragon.
Cela commence par un enfermement intérieur, le rouge qui atteint ses joues, un coeur qui se durcit pour finir dans la peau d'un dragon qui détruit tout sur son passage et crache toute sa colère.
Heureusement, l'état ne demeure pas et il peut redevenir un petit garçon. Une belle évocation de la colère et la tension affective qui nous peut surgir en soi et dans laquelle il est bien difficile de se reconnaître.
Un album, illustré avec subtilité, susceptible de faire écho à plus d'un petit lecteur.

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Angry Dragon by Thierry Robberecht
ISBN 10: 0618474307

When a little boy hears “no” from his mother one time too many, he feels his anger rising. It burns and builds, finally turning him into a giant dragon that destroys everything in its path. Nothing is safe: not toys or stuffed animals—not even Mom and Dad. But fortunately, a dragon’s fire doesn’t last forever. The simple, bold illustrations give shape to the power that emotions have to overwhelm and transform us, and vividly bring to life the angry dragon that lurks inside us all.

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La couleur des émotions par Anna Llenas, ISBN

Le monstre des couleurs se sent tout barbouillé, aujourd'hui. Ses émotions sont sens dessus dessous ! Il ne comprend pas ce qui lui arrive. Réussira-t-il à mettre de l'ordre dans son coeur et à retrouver son équilibre ?

Un livre tout animé pour découvrir ses émotion

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The Sorry Plane by Deborah MacNamara, ISBN978-0-9950512-2-5

ABOUT

The Sorry Plane is a playful introduction for kids and their caregivers to the importance of understanding and respecting our feelings, from the bestselling author of Rest Play Grow: Making Sense of Preschoolers (or anyone who acts like one).
When Molly accidentally breaks a balloon she and her sister Lucy have found, Lucy demands an apology. But, as Molly describes in fanciful, imaginative scenarios, her sorries are all gone: hiding under the bed, down the sink, off to Paris on the Sorry Plane.
As their mother explains, we can’t say sorry if we don’t have any sorries in us. But when our sorries return, as Molly's eventually do, we can give them to others.
Brilliantly illustrated with captivating images by artist Zoe Si, The Sorry Plane carries a profound message about the importance of connecting with our authentic emotions. It highlights how a good sorry is one that you mean from the heart and how we adults can preserve a child’s caring spirit.
The Sorry Plane bears the Neufeld Institute Recommended seal which highlights children’s literature that is congruent with developmental science as well as with the relational-developmental approach articulated by Dr. Gordon Neufeld, PhD

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Visiting Feelings by Lauren Rubenstein,
ISBN 978-1-4338-1339-9
Visiting Feelings harnesses a young child's innate capacity to fully experience the present moment. Rather than labeling or defining specific emotions and feelings, Visiting Feelings invites children to sense, explore, and befriend any feeling with acceptance and equanimity. Children can explore their emotions with their senses and gain an understanding of how feelings can lodge in the body, as conveyed by common expressions like "a pit in the stomach" or "lump in the throat."

Children can cultivate this emotional intelligence and nurture a sense of mindfulness. In essence, mindfulness is tuning into yourself and paying attention to the present moment without judging or analyzing what you are thinking or feeling. Practicing mindfulness can enhance many aspects of a person's well-being, help develop insight and empathy, and enhance resiliency.

Taking the time to practice mindfulness as a family is a remarkable gift for parents to give to their children, and will help children as they navigate the teen years and adulthood.

Includes a "Note to Parents" to provide more information about emotional awareness, and suggests ways to seamlessly incorporate mindfulness practices into your child and family's daily routines.

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Maya Was Grumpy by Courtney Pippin-Mathur, ISBN 978-1-9362611-3-0
An artful mixture of fantasy and reality, humor and heart, Maya Was Grumpy celebrates the power of imagination and humor to improve moods. Maya wakes up on the wrong side of the bed, tangled in her blanket, and in a crispy, cranky, grumpy, grouchy mood. She doesn’t want to color or wear her favorite shorts or go outside to play. What’s worse, she’s determined to share her grumpiness with everyone as she glumps, clumps, and thumps around the house. But when Maya growls at her grandmother, she graciously takes Maya’s mood in stride, and even has a solution: Gramma suggests a series of unusual activities that Maya will probably not want to do since she’s feeling grumpy—and then dismisses her own silly suggestions before Maya can reject them. Children will find it hard to keep from smiling as they watch Maya’s grouchiness dissolve into glee at Gramma’s giggle-inducing ideas, while adults will find Gramma’s clever tactic a useful strategy to add to their repertoire when kids are grumpy.

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My Many Colored Days by Dr. Seuss, ISBN 0-679-87597-2
Accompanying a manuscript Dr. Seuss wrote in 1973, was a letter outlining his hopes of finding "a great color artist who will not be dominated by me."

The late Dr. Seuss saw his original text about feelings and moods as part of the "first book ever to be based on beautiful illustrations and sensational color." The quest for an artist finally ended—after the manuscript languished for more than two decades—at the paint brushes of husband-and-wife team Steve Johnson and Lou Fancher whose stunning, expressive paintings reveal such striking images as a bright red horse kicking its heels, a cool and quiet green fish, a sad and lonely purple dinosaur, and an angrily howling black wolf.
Using a spectrum of vibrant colors and a menagerie of animals, this unique book does for the range of human moods and emotions what Oh, the Places You'll Go! does for the human life cycle.

Here is a wonderful way for parents to talk with children about their feelings. With Johnson and Fancher's atmospheric, large-scale paintings bursting off the pages, Dr. Seuss's vision is brought to life. This rare and beautiful book is bound to appeal to both the innocent young and the most sophisticated seniors.

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Activity – play “who’s the loudest bear?” when you’re outside at recess…great way to get screaming and frustrated energy out! Watch out, it WILL get loud!

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Wild Feelings by David Milgrim, ISBN 978-0-8050-9587-6
Do you ever feel as stubborn as a mule? Or as chicken as a chicken? Of course you do. Everyone does.

In this lighthearted look at feelings, David Milgrim tenderly and humorously sketches the emotional range—from awkward to unnoticed, to really, rrrreally mad. Ultimately reassuring, this is a loving look at the normal, natural feelings we all have.

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Lots of Feelings by Shelley Rotner, ISBN 978-0-7613-2377-9

ABOUT

You can read a book, but did you know that you can also read a face?
A face can tell you what someone is feeling. In this expressive photo-essay, simple text and photographs introduce basic emotions - happy, grumpy, thoughtful, and more - and how people show them.
Whether shared with a group, parents, or a counselor-individually or in a class-this title provides the tools to facilitate discussion about children and their feelings."-School Library Journal

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How are you feeling today? By Molly Potter and Sarah Jennings, ISBN
Perfect for sharing, How Are You Feeling Today? is packed with fun, imaginative ways to help children understand and cope with a whole range of different emotions. This delightful book gives parents the tools they need to help their child deal with those feelings - without it all ending in tears!

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La ronde des émotions par Molly Potter et Sarah Jennings, ISBN 978-1-4431-4977-8
Les émotions surgissent spontanément et les enfants ne savent pas toujours comment les apprivoiser. Ce livre est un outil précieux pour les aider à reconnaître leurs émotions et à trouver des stratégies afin de ne pas les laisser prendre le dessus.

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N’aie pas peur! Par Jeanne Willis et Tony Ross, ISBN 2-07-053775-7
Commentaire descriptif

Sophie veut apprendre à faire de la bicyclette, mais elle a besoin de l’aide de son père pour y parvenir. C’est grâce au soutien de ce dernier qu’elle surmonte sa peur et qu’elle savoure une liberté nouvellement acquise. Mais le père voit aussi dans cet apprentissage l’autonomie nouvelle de son enfant, qui risque de les éloigner l’un de l’autre. C’est donc maintenant au tour de l’enfant de promettre présence et soutien à son père. Dans ce récit métaphorique, le développement de l’autonomie et de la liberté de l’enfant est symbolisé par l’apprentissage de la bicyclette. Toutes les étapes de la vie d’un enfant peuvent s’y refléter, que ce soit son entrée à l’école ou son départ de la maison familiale. Il s’agit d’un livre riche, aux multiples niveaux de lecture qui, par la leçon de vie évoquée, émouvra le parent et donnera confiance à l’enfant. Les aquarelles de Tony Ross apportent de la chaleur à un texte simple, tendre et poétique. Les portions du dialogue attribuées à la fillette sont en caractères d'imprimerie réguliers alors que celles du père sont en italique. Celles-ci ont d'ailleurs un caractère davantage philosophique et sont souvent à double sens. Il ne faut pas manquer d’observer les deux dernières pages de garde qui suscitent diverses interprétations.

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Aujourd’hui je suis…. par Mies van Hout, ISBN 978-2-35413-152-4

Peints à l'aide de pastels ou bien de craies, ces poissons aux couleurs vives, empreints d'humour ou d'ironie, nous permettent de découvrir leurs humeurs, à chaque moment de la journée : le poisson curieux, le poisson heureux, le poisson triste, le poisson surpris ou encore peureux...

Toutes ces émotions, ces sentiments que tous connaissent selon l'heure ou le jour nous sont montrés ici, tels des miroirs de notre propre humeur.

Ils prennent de ce fait une dimension humoristique irrésistible.

Ce livre est l'instrument idéal pour aborder les émotions avec les enfants, tant en classe qu'à la maison, et son format permet de le prendre en voyage ou de le laisser dans les mains des enfants

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Happy by Mies van Hout, ISBN (9781935954149)
Clear, strong lines and radiant colors that seem to smile at the reader characterize Mies van Hout’s drawings.  In Happy, Mies shows all the emotions a young child encounters. Each double page spread is devoted to one fish, showing a particular emotion with its name in lettering that expresses the same feeling.  Swim into Happy where the dazzling fish sparkle against the dark background and let the images spark laughter and empathy.

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How Are You Peeling? Foods with Moods by Saxton Freymann and Joost Elffers5

Scholastic Inc | ISBN 9780439598415 Paperback
48 Pages | 8.04" x 10.01" | Ages 4 to 8

What better way for a child to identify different emotions than with the very expressive "faces" of fruits and vegetables! Simple rhyming text and a bright array of emotional produce make this the perfect introduction to the complex world of feeling.

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Tourbillon d'émotions

De Janan Cain

Éditions Scholastic | ISBN 9780545992350 | Couverture souple | Février 2008
32 pages | 23 cm x 25 cm | 3 à 8 ans | 9,99 $

Comment je me sens? J'ai des hauts et des bas. Il m'arrive d'être fâché ou inquiet. Je suis souvent content, mais parfois, je suis triste. Je ressens toutes sortes d'émotions et c'est très bien ainsi! Un texte en rimes pour aider les enfants à comprendre et à exprimer leurs émotions.

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The Way I Feel by Janan Cain, ISBN978-1-884734-71-7

DESCRIPTION

Feelings are a normal part of life for children as well as adults, believes author Janan Cain, who wanted kids both to understand the concept of emotions and be able to express their feelings with words. Her delightful The Way I Feel has drawn praise from parents, educators and medical professionals across the country. It's used at bedtime, when parents want to talk about what happened that day; in classrooms, when teachers want to talk about pride and disappointment; and with sick children who are suffering from fear and confusion as well as pain.

Illustrations and rhyming text portray children experiencing a range of emotions, including frustration, shyness, jealousy, and pride. Feelings are neither good nor bad, they simply are. Kids need words to name their feelings, just as they need words to name foood, clothes, toys, people, etc. Strong, colorful, and expressive images go along with the verses to help children connect the word and the emotion

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Le garçon invisible (ISBN 978-2-924645-26-0)

AUTEURE : Trudy Ludwig
ILLUSTRATRICE : Patrice Barton

TRADUCTRICE : Christiane Duchesne

À partir de 3 ans.
32 pages

Voici Arthur, l’enfant invisible. Personne ne le remarque, personne ne le choisit dans son équipe, personne ne partage ses jeux avec lui, personne ne l’invite non plus à son anniversaire… jusqu’à la venue d’un nouveau dans la classe. Le jour où Justin arrive, Arthur est le premier à lui faire sentir qu’il est le bienvenu.
Et lorsque Arthur et Justin travaillent ensemble à leur projet de classe, Arthur se révèle et s’illumine.

Une histoire sensible sur le problème de l‘invisibilité de certains enfants dans un groupe. Ceux qu’on ne voit jamais, ceux qui ne dérangent jamais, mais qui méritent notre attention!

Thématiques : estime de soi, école, relation entre pairs

Pour les enseignants

Les parents, les enseignants et les conseillers pédagogiques trouveront dans cet ouvrage une réponse fine et sensible aux besoins des enfants silencieux

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The Invisible Boy by Trudy Ludwig, (ISBN:9781582464503)
Meet Brian, the invisible boy. Nobody ever seems to notice him or think to include him in their group, game, or birthday party . . . until, that is, a new kid comes to class.

When Justin, the new boy, arrives, Brian is the first to make him feel welcome. And when Brian and Justin team up to work on a class project together, Brian finds a way to shine.

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If you’re happy and you know it! By Jan Ormerod, ISBN 1-932065-07

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Dans mon petit coeur  par Jo Witek,
« Le petit personnage qu'on avait rencontré dans « Le ventre de ma maman » et « Les bras de papa » nous revient et a grandit. Maintenant, c'est une fillette au grand coeur rempli de diverses émotions. Au fil des pages, on y entre de plus en plus profondément, un peu comme un ami, jusqu'à son jardin secret... » - Joëlle Hodiesne ISBN : | 9782732455341 (2732455342)

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In My Heart: A Book of Feelings by Jo Witek,
ISBN - 13:9781419713101

Happiness, sadness, bravery, anger, shyness . . . our hearts can feel so many feelings! Some make us feel as light as a balloon, others as heavy as an elephant. In My Heart explores a full range of emotions, describing how they feel physically, inside, with language that is lyrical but also direct to empower readers to practice articulating and identifying their own emotions.

With whimsical illustrations and an irresistible die-cut heart that extends through each spread, this gorgeously packaged and unique feelings book is sure to become a storytime favorite.

The Growing Hearts series celebrates the milestones of a toddler’s emotional development, from conquering fears and expressing feelings to welcoming a new sibling. Read them all!

Hello in There: A Big Sister’s Book of Waiting
In My Heart: A Book of Feelings
Brave As Can Be: A Book of Courage
All My Treasures: A Book of Joy
In My Room: A Book of Creativity and Imagination
With My Daddy: A Book of Love and Family
My Little Gifts: A Book of Sharing
My Tree and Me: A Book of Seasons