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The Strength and Struggle of Trans Lives

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The Strength and Struggle of Trans Lives

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The Strength and Struggle of Trans Lives

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There are a lot of different ways someone can express their gender or sex.

Gender identity isn't an easy topic to understand, and sometimes we need to unlearn some of our old ideas about what it is so that we can really get what gender is all about. Most of us were taught that there are only two genders (man/masculine and woman/feminine) and two sexes (male and female). However, there is a lot more to it than that.

In this section we'll talk about:

Gender 101 | Gender Roles | Transgender Identities | Using Proper Trans Terms | Understanding Transphobia | Intersex Identities | Talking About "Intersex"
Gender 101 and Gender Roles

Gender is actually a social construct, which is an idea created by people to help categorize and explain the world around them. You may not notice it all the time, but each gender comes with a set of expectations, like how to act, talk, dress, feel emotion, and interact with other people. For example, when you think of a teenage boy in America, what comes to mind? Do you imagine him playing football, or do you picture him dancing in a ballet recital? It's likely that you imagined him playing football, first - but why?

In America, we have very defined gender roles that describe what it means to be masculine or feminine, or a boy or a girl, and we learn what's expected of us at a very early age from parents, family, friends, culture, religion, television, movies, and more. Even though these expectations are made up - there is not an objective reason why boys shouldn't be encouraged to practice ballet, for example - gendered characteristics, activities, expressions, and stereotypes are really ingrained in our society, and shape most of our lives.

Here are some other gender-specific differences that you might recognize: Girls get pink clothes, and boys get blue clothes; men shouldn't cry, but girls can be emotional; it's masculine to have a deep voice, and it's feminine to have a higher one; boys play with building blocks, and girls play with dolls; men are athletic and aggressive, girls are nurturing and gentle...the list of expectations based on gender can go on and on, and change from culture to culture.

It's important to remember that these gender roles aren't set in stone. Even though our society expects certain things when we identify as a man or a woman, we don't have to follow them if they don't fit who we are. In fact, gender and sex exist on a spectrum, meaning that there are a lot of different ways that people can express their gender identity or sex.
Transgender Identities
When we're born, a doctor assigns us a sex. This has to do with our biology, chromosomes, and physical body. Male babies are generally assumed to be "men" and female babies are generally assumed to be "women." Some people never question their assigned gender or sex, and choose to identify with what they were assigned at birth - that's called being "cisgender." But there are others who do question their gender or sex, and that's completely normal and ok.

If you don't feel that your gender identity - meaning, your own personal sense of what your gender is - matches the gender you were assigned at birth, you might identify as transgender (or trans). In addition to being a gender identity, transgender is also an umbrella term that includes many other labels, like genderqueer and gender non-conforming.

Genderqueer and gender non-conforming identities describe someone whose gender expression is, or seems to be, different from their assigned gender role. Usually, genderqueer and gender non-conforming people avoid gender-specific pronouns like "she/her" and "he/him," and use more neutral pronouns instead. It's important to note that not all genderqueer or gender non-conforming people identify as transgender, even though they fall under the umbrella of diverse gender identities.

Are you questioning your gender, and aren't sure what feels right to you? Don't worry. You are not alone! Consider a few of these questions, taken from our "Coming Out As You " guide.

How do you feel about your birth gender?

What gender do you wish people saw you as?

How would you like to express your gender?

What pronouns (like he/him or she/hers, or ze/zir or they/them) do you feel most comfortable using?

When you imagine your future, what gender are you?

Remember, there are many parts to our gender, including:

Gender Expression: How we choose to express our gender in public. This includes things like our haircut, clothing, voice and body characteristics, and behavior.

Gender Identity: Our personal sense of what our own gender is.

Gender Presentation: How the world sees and understands your gender.

If you decide that your current gender or sex just isn't right, you may want to make your gender identity fit with your ideal gender expression and presentation. This is called "transitioning," and can include social (like telling other people about which pronouns you like), legal (like changing your name, officially), or medical (like taking hormones, or having surgery). You don't have to go through all of these things to be "officially" transgender, or to have your gender identity be valid. It's all up to you, and what feels safe and comfortable.
Using Proper Trans Terms
It's very important to use appropriate terms when talking about the transgender community. For example, you may see the term transgender shortened with an asterisk (*) to include the many identities that fall under the transgender umbrella.

The term "transgender" should only be used as an adjective and never as a noun. Also, the term "Transgendered" is grammatically incorrect and should never be used. Other offensive words include: tranny, transvestite, she-male, he/she, lady man, shim, "it," or transsexual*.

Example: My friend is transgender.
Example: I think I'm going to come out as a transgender man.
* Some transgender people prefer to identify as transsexual, although others consider it to be outdated. Always ask for, and use, the term that a person prefers. Understanding Transphobia
Unfortunately, trans people often face hatred or fear just because of who they are. Even some LGB people may have transphobic feelings that can make it harder for them to support transgender people as they also fight for equality and acceptance. If you ever feel that you are a victim of a transphobic hate crime, please visit the Transgender Legal Defense & Education Fund site.
Intersex Identities
Remember, sex does not equal gender - it's actually an entirely different thing that relates to our biology and physical characteristics. Generally we think about sex as a binary: male and female. However, there are several conditions that a person can be born with that don't fit the typical definitions of female or male. For example, a person might be born appearing to be female on the outside, but have mostly male anatomy on the inside. Or a person may be born with genitals that seem to be in-between the usual male and female types. Others may be born with "mosaic genetics," so that some of their cells have XX chromosomes and some have XY. Sometimes intersex characteristics aren't noticed until puberty, when our body goes through a lot of different changes.

Many intersex people are given a sex of male or female at birth, even if they fall somewhere in the middle. If you think you might be intersex, don't worry. There are people out there who can help! Here is a comprehensive list of intersex conditions and related resources and support groups: http://www.isna.org/faq/conditions/know.
Talking About "Intersex"
Intersex is an adjective that describes a person. Intersex is never a noun or a verb, because no one can be "intersexing" or "intersexed." You may have heard the word "hermaphrodite" from Greek mythology. Please don't use this term, as it is archaic and offensive to intersex people.

FAQ

1. I am not completely comfortable with the body I was born with. How will taking hormones affect other things, like taking birth control, or getting my period? Will I need to get a hysterectomy because of taking hormones?

2. I told my mom that I think I'm trans, but she thinks that it's just a phrase. What if she's right? I really, really don't want to come out and ask people to use my preferred name and pronouns, and then have it mean nothing. What if I decide that I'm not really a man?

3. Lately I've had this desire to be a girl. I know I'm not ready for a sex change, but I'm planning to grow out my hair and wear more girly-types of clothes. I'm not sure what my parents would make of it, but I can't get this off of my mind. Should I go ahead with it?
Gender Identity

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Trans + Gender Identity - The Trevor Project

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There are a lot of different ways someone can express their gender or sex. Gender identity isn't an easy topic to understand, and sometimes we need to unlearn some of our old ideas about what it is so that we can really get what gender is all about.

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Are you a person, place or thing? We have good news.

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These are derogatory remarks and insults relating to someone's gender identity, expressed verbally or non-verbally, intentionally or unintentionally.

Explicit expressions, verbal or behavioural such as:

Abusive descriptions, e.g. "Tranny"

'Deadnaming' (use of birth or former name without consent)

Misgendering (saying 'he' instead of 'she' or 'they')

Excess focus on anatomical sex markers, most usually reproductive organs

Avoidant behaviour such a moving away or leaving out of a group

Anti-trans posters, stickers, leaflets, particularly in toilets

Intrusive questioning about intimate details

Microinsults and Microinvalidations

These are often based on ignorance of what trans identity is and entails. In different ways they negate or nullify the thoughts, feelings or lived reality of Trans and non-Binary people, by questioning their experience, gender identity and the process of transition. Examples include:

"Can't you just be a butch lesbian?"

"I also wanted to be a boy when I was a child."

"I don't get how you can feel like a man AND a woman"

"Why are you making life so hard for yourself?"

"I don't understand why you don't just love yourself?"

"Anorexic people also think their body is wrong and we don't let them starve themselves, why should you be allowed to mutilate your body?

"You're just dressing for effect."

"How is it different to getting a boob job?"

"You don't have to become a man to have a career in STEM."

"You think this will make you happy, but it won't."

Counteracting discrimination: you can find resources to help you support diversity and inclusion in the  What Can I Do? section and in  C ounteracting Microaggressions.

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Common Trans and/or non-Binary based Microaggressions

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These are derogatory remarks and insults relating to someone's gender identity, expressed verbally or non-verbally, intentionally or unintentionally. Abusive descriptions, e.g.

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Science Proves There are More than Two Human Sexes