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My older sister and I were surrounded by loving family members and close friends who were delighted to care for us while my parents were at work....
Now, if only my husband and I could find a village like that! LOL

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We couldn't watch TV during the school week...unless it was the news or educational 😩

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We couldn't watch TV during the school week...unless it was the news or educational 😩

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I thought we were the only kids that experienced this.  It was so embarrassing that I never told my friends.  I would just act like I missed TV shows because I was so busy with schoolwork and soccer/basketball practices.  But I would try to catch reruns whenever the networks decided to air them.  The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air, Martin and Living Single were the best! I lucked out on Friday nights with TGIF on ABC since it wasn't a school night :-). Family Matters and Full House were definitely some of my favorites, as well.
When I look back I realize that my parents only had our best interests at heart and we survived! I enjoyed reading this article because it reminded me that I need to work on limiting screen time with my own children.

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For some kids, even an hour without watching the television or engaging with some other device can seem draconian. However, too much TV can have negative effects, including poor school performance. Even President Obama limits when the first children can watch TV, and that includes a total ban during the week. Research backs him up, showing that it may not be good for kids to watch television on school nights.

Watching TV During the Week

Research supports parents who put limits on TV during the school week. A study conducted by the Children's Hospital at Montefiore in the Bronx and published in the journal "Pediatrics" in 2006, found that children who watched TV on school nights performed worse in school. The study did not look at actual grades but rather relied on the responses of students in evaluating their own performance. The lead researcher said that students typically inflate their performance when asked to evaluate themselves, so if students estimated they performed badly, they likely performed even worse.

Other Media

Simply watching television may not be the only thing hurting student performance in school. The study published in "Pediatrics" also found that exposure to video games during the week had a negative influence, as did watching R-rated movies and programming. Boys who watched R-rated movies performed especially poorly in school. Even when different parenting styles were accounted for in the study, exposure to these types of media was still found to hurt school performance.

Limits During the Week

To protect children from the negative effects of television viewing, parents can institute a ban during the week. The University of Michigan Health System says that the best rule is no TV during the week, but if you wish to allow it, it should be limited to one hour on school nights and should only be allowed after homework is finished 2. If your child is doing poorly in school, the health system suggests limiting TV to only a half hour each day. However, even limited TV time can interfere with school performance, and it can encourage kids to rush through their homework so they can watch TV. Rushing through homework can also lead to poor school performance. Parents should also monitor what shows their children watch, and use programs to block R-rated movies and shows.

Weekend Viewing

Researchers said that weekend television watching did not impact school performance, unless it exceeded four hours per day. Therefore, parents should also limit television watching on the weekend so that it does not exceed this time. The University of Michigan Health System recommends limiting it to two to three hours per day on the weekend 2. Parents should not allow televisions in their children's bedrooms, as this can encourage excessive watching.

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For some kids, even an hour without watching the television or engaging with some other device can seem draconian. However, too much TV can have negative effects, including poor school performance. Even President Obama limits when the first children can watch TV, and that includes a total ban during the week.

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The use of profanity and watching/listening to anything with profanity was absolutely prohibited in our household

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The use of profanity and watching/listening to anything with profanity was absolutely prohibited in our household

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Secretly, I did not follow this rule.  I loved hip hop and R & B music so much and this type of music usually contained some explicit language.  I remember going into the music store in the mall and purchasing rap albums that would have the "Parental Advisory Explicit Content" label on the album cover.  I would take the orange sale sticker and place it over the label just in case my parents came across it my room. They either never caught on or just didn't care enough to call me out on it. Besides, I knew better than to ever dare use that type of language in their presence.

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Growing up, the adults around me did an excellent job of keeping the adult business away from the kids.  If I even slightly tried to insert myself into an adult conversation (no matter what they were speaking about) I was met with the infamous line, “STAY OUT OF GROWN FOLKS BUSINESS.”

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My parents and caregivers were pretty strict with manners and proper etiquette

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My parents and caregivers were pretty strict with manners and proper etiquette

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We actually had to go a step further on the "Yes, sir" and "No, sir".  We would have to say for example, "Yes, Uncle Horace" and "No, Aunty Agnes" when responding to adults.  It's funny because I find myself correcting my children in this way when they respond to me or my husband with a simple yes or no.   God forbid they ever respond with a "WHAT".  The person who wrote this article seems to be a bit older than me but many of the things they discussed still held true to my upbringing in the late 80's and the 90's.

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They may seem outdated to some, but these are the manners we grew up with. There wasn't any two ways about it: this was how you were expected to behave, especially when in public. The consequences for talking back or disobeying were often a swift clip of the ears or the behind as these were not negotiable or "sometimes" rules. These manners molded us into the people we are today!

1) The Golden Rule

Back when we were kids, this was the abiding principle in nearly all things. If you wouldn't like it, then don't do it to someone else.

2) Please & Thank You

"Gimme that" wasn't an option. You always said please and thank you.

3) Yes Ma'am, Yes Sir

You simply didn't answer an adult without following with a "ma'am" or "sir." It was just how you showed respect. This went double if you were in trouble!

4) Ask Permission to Be Excused

You didn't leave the table unless you had been excused. If you needed to leave before the others, you had to ask, and then wait for permission! It didn't matter if you didn't like what was on your plate! The same went for situations at school or with any adult: you needed to ask to be excused.

5) Never Argue with an Adult

Even if you had a good point (or more likely, you thought you did) you were not to argue with any adult. And, smarting off was a sure ticket to a spanking or a time out!

6) Excuse Me

If you committed a faux pas, the way to handle it was to say "excuse me." It was the only polite thing to do.

7) Take Off Your Hat

When you went inside, it didn't matter if you were wearing a fedora or a baseball cap: boys and men took their hats off. This was also true for any situation where respect needed to be shown such as when talking to the police, or if someone was hurt, or if a prayer was being said. Ladies often received a hat tip from a man passing by.

8) "May I?" Instead of "Can I?"

How you phrased things was big deal, even with your parents. It was a constant source of irritation for adults to hear "Can I..."

9) Don't Interrupt Adults

When adults were talking you did not interrupt them. If your folks had a dinner party you had to wait until there was a lull in the conversation to say your peace.

10) Give Up Your Seat

On a bus or train it used to be common to give up your seat if an older person got on and needed one. Likewise, a man or boy would give up his seat for a lady oftentimes as well.

11) Elbows Off the Table

It was so rude to put your elbows on the table! If you were at someone's home or a restaurant it was especially true.

12) Always Use A Proper Greeting

"Good morning" and "good evening" were acceptable greetings. "Hi" was not! At the holidays you always gave a seasonal greeting and this was what everyone did, nothing special.

13) Sit Up

We may have wanted to slouch, we may have even slouched when we were in the treehouse or with our friends. But, we'd never let our teachers or parents see us slouching. It was considered starting on the wrong track and didn't show the proper respect or attention. We also heard "stand up straight" a lot, too!

14) No Whining

Complaining simply wasn't allowed. You might get kicked out out of the house for an afternoon or sent to bed early for whining. "You get what you get and you don't throw a fit!"

15) Don't Show Off

It was considered very bad form to brag or show off. Nobody wanted to be called a braggart and you certainly would not have looked cooler in front of your friends for having bragged about something. There was a certain modesty were expected to maintain at all times.

16) Use Silverware

At the table you had to use your silverware. You didn't push food around with your hands. It was considered sloppy to even help a kernel on to your fork with your finger.

17) Never Talk With Your Mouth Full

This one seems like a no-brainer, but apparently this is not a hard and fast rule anymore. When we were kids it was really forbidden to chew with your mouth open.

18) Thank You Letters

If someone was nice enough to visit you when you were sick or send you a card or get you a gift, you wrote a thank you letter in return. This is just good manners! If you didn't it was extremely rude.

There are plenty more, but we had to draw the line somewhere! All these manners made us who we are and kept the world a nicer place to live in. We had manners and politeness and treated each other with respect on the street, in school, and at home, especially our parents! Which rules were essential in your house when you were growing up? Let us know in the comments.

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12 Manners Older Generations Were Taught As Children

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They may seem outdated to some, but these are the manners we grew up with. There wasn't any two ways about it: this was how you were expected to behave, especially when in public. The consequences for talking back or disobeying were often a swift clip of the ears or the behind as these were not negotiable or "sometimes" rules.

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Negative self image issues and low self esteem

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Negative self image issues and low self esteem

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I struggled with a negative self image and low self esteem growing up. I believe it came from watching guys gush over my lighter skinned girl friends.  It also didn’t help watching hip hop and R&B music videos where lighter skinned women with long hair and big breasts were constantly portrayed.  Here I was a darker skinned girl with a flat chest, short hair and big nose trying to compare myself to those women.  I believe girls want to be called beautiful but I just didn't hear it too often.  However, as time went by, I learned to accept who I was and be confident in the human being that God created.
I’ve never been a big Beyoncé fan.  However, this song Brown Skin Girl is very uplifting and I wish there more songs out there like this for young girls. I want my daughters to know and feel that they are beautiful no matter what anyone else tries to tell them.

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Beyoncé, Blue Ivy, SAINt JHN, WizKid - BROWN SKIN GIRL (Official Video)

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This article on the Obama's parenting style was very similar to my parents. We had a bed time even on the weekends (unless we were out as a family). It was 9pm on the school nights and 10pm on the weekends. It created a structure that I now use with my own children.

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It's not easy raising two kids to become responsible, well-rounded adults, especially when they have access to countless advantages at their disposal. Yet, President Obama and the First Lady make it look seamless when it comes to being parents to their daughters Sasha and Malia. Here are some examples of how the Obamas use effective parenting techniques to ensure their girls grow up as normal as possible and always know exactly who's the boss. By Porsche Slocum
Despite their demanding agendas, Mr. and Mrs. Obama make sure that the same rules always apply. Sasha and Malia continue to get tucked in every night by 8 P.M. "Our goal is to encourage them to do things not because someone is telling you to do them, but because in your heart you know it is right," said President Obama to Parenting magazine.
See more photos of First Daughters Sasha and Malia Obama " Find out about Sasha and Malia's new school "

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It's not easy raising two kids to become responsible, well-rounded adults, especially when they have access to countless advantages at their disposal. Yet, President Obama and the First Lady make it look seamless when it comes to being parents to their daughters Sasha and Malia.

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We could not go to or sleep at anyone's house if my parents did not know the parents or caregivers who lived there

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We could not go to or sleep at anyone's house if my parents did not know the parents or caregivers who lived there

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I didn't understand it back then but I totally get it now. Unfortunately, we hear way too many stories about children being molested and as parents, we have to take preventative measures to keep our children safe.

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Every 9 minutes, government authorities respond to another report of child sexual abuse. ¹ Child sexual abuse can include sexual contact with a child, but it may also include other actions, like exposing oneself, sharing obscene images, or taking inappropriate photos or videos of a child. These crimes can have a serious impact on the life and development of a child, and often continue to impact them later in life. Learning the warning signs of child sexual abuse is often the first step to protecting a child who is in danger.

Signs that a child may have been sexually abused

It's not always easy to spot sexual abuse because perpetrators often take steps to hide their actions. Some signs are easier to spot than others. For instance, some warning signs might be noticed by a caretaker or parent, and are often red flags that the child needs medical attention. Listen to your instincts. If you notice something that isn't right or someone in a child's life is making you uncomfortable-even if you can't put your finger on why-it's important to trust your gut, continue to watch for signs of abuse, and talk to the child who may be experiencing abuse in age-appropriate ways.

Warning signs:
Physical signs: Behavioral signs:

Excessive talk about or knowledge of sexual topics

Keeping secrets Not talking as much as usual

Not wanting to be left alone with certain people or being afraid to be away from primary caregivers, especially if this is a new behavior

Regressive behaviors or resuming behaviors they had grown out of, such as thumbsucking or bedwetting

Overly compliant behavior

Sexual behavior that is inappropriate for the child's age

Spending an unusual amount of time alone

Trying to avoid removing clothing to change or bathe

Emotional signs:

Change in eating habits

Change in mood or personality, such as increased aggression

Decrease in confidence or self-image

Excessive worry or fearfulness

Increase in unexplained health problems such as stomach aches and headaches

Loss or decrease in interest in school, activities, and friends

Nightmares or fear of being alone at night

Self-harming behaviors

This list may seem overwhelming to keep in mind when looking out for a child in your life, and some signs seem to contradict each other, such as being overly compliant or oppositional, or showing regressive behaviors or advanced sexual behaviors. The most important thing to keep in mind when looking for signs of child sexual abuse is to keep an eye on sudden changes in behavior. Trust your gut and don't ignore your feelings if something seems off. If a child tells you that someone makes them uncomfortable, even if they can't tell you anything specific, listen.

Signs that an adult may be hurting a child

Keeping children safe can be challenging because many perpetrators who sexually abuse children are in positions of trust-93 percent of child sexual assault victims know the perpetrator. ² This includes family members, members of faith communities, coaches, teachers, and other helping professionals.

Be cautious of an adult who spend time with children and exhibits the following behaviors:

Does not respect boundaries or listen when someone tells them "no"

Engages in touching that a child or child's parents/guardians have indicated is unwanted

Tries to be a child's friend rather than filling an adult role in the child's life

Does not seem to have age-appropriate relationships

Talks with children about their personal problems or relationships

Spends time alone with children outside of their role in the child's life or makes up excuses to be alone with the child

Expresses unusual interest in child's sexual development, such as commenting on sexual characteristics or sexualizing normal behaviors

Gives a child gifts without occasion or reason

Spends a lot of time with your child or another child you know

Restricts a child's access to other adults

Taking action isn't easy, but it's important

It's not always easy to identify child sexual abuse-and it can be even more challenging to step in if you suspect something isn't right. Keeping a child away from the perpetrator may mean major changes in your own life, even if you are outside of the child's family.
"As it started to settle in, I replayed it in my mind. How could this happen? I had so much shame, so much guilt that I had brought this man into my house to molest my child. What kind of mother am I?" said Lisa, a mother of a survivor and member of the RAINN Speakers Bureau. "The guilt and the shame were deafening-but at the same time I knew I had to do what was necessary for my daughter."
If something seems off, pay attention to that feeling and look into it further. If a child tells you that someone makes them uncomfortable, even if they can't tell you anything specific, listen. Talk to someone who can help you figure out if this is something that must be reported, such as a staff member from your local sexual assault service provider. In the meantime, if you are the parent or have influence over the child's schedule, avoid putting the child in a potentially unsafe situation.

Remember, you are not alone. If you suspect a child in your life may be experiencing sexual abuse, you can talk to someone who is trained to help. Call the National Sexual Assault Hotline at 800.656.HOPE (4673) or chat online at online.rainn.org.
¹ ² U.S. Bureau of Justice Statistics. 2000 Sexual Assault of Young Children as Reported to Law Enforcement. 2000. U.S. Department of Health & Human Services, Administration for Children and Families, Administration on Children, Youth and Families, Children's Bureau. (2019). Child Maltreatment 2017.

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warning signs for childhood sexual abuse

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Every 9 minutes, government authorities respond to another report of child sexual abuse. Learning the warning signs of child sexual abuse is often the first step to protecting a child who is in danger.

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We had to be involved in extracurricular activities

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We had to be involved in extracurricular activities

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I say extracurricular activities but I really mean to say SPORTS.  My mom tried to put my sister and me into dance when we were small.  That lasted one day.  I think my dad was secretly relieved.  He signed us both up for soccer and I never looked back since.  My dad was my biggest fan.  He was very critical of my playing but I don't believe I would have made it to the Division I college playing level it wasn't for him ❤️. I believe playing sports shaped the individual that I am today. I am very much a team player and have a major drive to succeed in EVERYTHING that I do. I also want to see everyone around me WIN! The picture below was taken back in the Fall of 2006- my senior year of college. We had just won the America East Conference championship against the University of Maine. This was the best day of my sports life. PS I am the black girl in the picture LOL