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this is a work of fiction; any correlation to reality is by pure happenstance.

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alias: dunmer

age: 25+

time zone: (irrelevant)

topics I enjoy: transformative friendships/found family | goblin behaviour | family dynamics (that potentially influence people decades down the line — a.k.a. longstanding trauma that affects people in ways they may not even be conscious of) | I-don't-like-the-drugs-but-the-drugs-like-me | vague symbolism (writing in riddles) | the human condition

what I'm looking for: nothing specific, I just like real and raw, I'm so weary of the surface

fun writer fact: the trickster archetype personally has it out for me (I really like clowns and jesters, Idk, it's a lifelong thing) — enormous nerd™

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the inner child

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once I had a child, he was wilder than moonlight.

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nothing in the world belongs to me, but my love, mine, all mine, all mine.

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I know that you feel loud, so different from the crowd.

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Laufey - Letter To My 13 Year Old Self (Official Audio)

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what have I got to do? just keep it softly, keep it softly, hold it close.

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dreamers, they never learn. beyond the point of no return.

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you ain't felt grief 'til you felt it sober.

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Kendrick Lamar - Mother I Sober ft. Beth Gibbons of Portishead (Official Audio)

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lonely is my hoping, empty is my sweet thing.

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I'm sorry, forgive me, thank you, I love you. [translated]

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Latyshev feat. Elina Djan - The Prayer (Ho‘oponopono Prayer) Live

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and I want to because I love you, I love you, I love you.

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Victory Boyd - A Love Song From God (Live Session)

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soft is my chest, I didn't allow loss, loss make me hate.

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the fun times

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I figured as I got older that life just sucks when you get sober.

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no, I never go home, don't sleep, don't eat, just do it on repeat.

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and if you say run, I'll run with you. and if you say hide, we'll hide.

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really love one another, it's so hard to find.

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if you're thinkin' of being my brother, it don't matter if you're black or white.

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hoes tryna call me a snake, shit, I guess I can relate 'cause a bitch spit a whole lotta venom.

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Megan Thee Stallion - Thot Shit [Official Audio]

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a bitch is a bitch, but a Dogg is a man's best friend.

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Dr. Dre - Housewife (feat. Kurupt & Hittman)

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even your shadow worships you in your jungle solitude.

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I can feel your energy from two planets away.

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ten years of highs just for fun, now to hide 'til I'm caught.

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the not-so-fun consequences

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my tapeworm tells me what to do. my tapeworm tells me where to go.

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you're giving death a kiss, oh, little fool now.

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I will find a centre in you. I will chew it up and leave.

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God love this country, the United States, the world and all the billionaires.

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Godspeed You Black Emperor - East Hastings

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home is where the needle marks try to heal my broken heart.

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are you sure what side of the glass you are on?

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no alarms and no surprises, please (let me out of here).

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if not for long, just for a while, I'll bury myself with a great, big smile.

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Ren X Chinchilla - Chalk Outlines (Official Lyrics Video)

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but I'm more than just a little curious how you're planning to go about making your amends to the dead.

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the (un)justifiable means

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I got dark, I got evil that rot inside my DNA.

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keep up, for your disease spread quick.

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it's a hell of a start, it could be made into a monster, if we all pull together as a team.

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shootin' my gauge to get paid, a fuckin crazed devil.

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ain't nobody fuckin' with my clique.

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tw: religion, substance abuse (addiction), allusions to criminal activities, brief mention of violence

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tw: religion, substance abuse (addiction), allusions to criminal activities, brief mention of violence

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[tldr character ad break ↓ scroll to the bottom]

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name: Samvel Avagyan

nickname: Sam

gender: cisgender male

pronouns: he/him

s.o.: bisexual

r.o.: biromantic

hometown: Vancouver, Canada

nirthday: 30/06/1995

occupation: part-time baker

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hair colour: brown (greying)

eye colour: hazel

height: 5' 9''

ethnicity: Canadian-Armenian

body mods: —

distinguishing features: sleepy hazel eyes | strong jaw | prominent hooked nose | big teeth | mostly leg-centred use scars

physical/mental ailments: heart issues | weak lungs | chronic depression & generalised anxiety (working on both) | occasionally suffers from psychosis that manifest as bouts of paranoia, mania and, in some rare cases, hallucinations (it's been a while, though)

faceclaim: Alexander Leon Gumuchian (bbno$)

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money trees is the perfect place for shade, and that's just how I feel.

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status: married (estranged)

parents: Adam Avagyan (father) & Carmen Avagyan (mother)

siblings: —

children: —

extended family: Maria(m) Avagyan (aunt), Carine Avagyan (goddaughter), Movses Avagyan (uncle), (Yeghia) Elijah Avagyan (cousin), so much extended family like omg

pets: Oojoo (black cat)

other important connections: Jason Keller (childhood friend/akhper), [REDACTED] (husband)

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Welcome, son.

So, a man back in the 1920's (who knows when exactly — not you), after having escaped the personalised enemy, and concerned with the well-being of his children in exile, took it upon himself to shake the hand of the generalised enemy and seal himself a little deal. Really quite simple. Of course, there is no way of telling which stepping stone such an event will affect. The son? A saint. The grandson? A kind-hearted, gullible little thing. The other grandson? There — there you go, this one was built for greatness. This one will be our strongest soldier. This one will infect the great-grandson. And the other great-grandson. This one will infect a great number of sons and daughters, grandsons and granddaughters — this one will be the scourge of his line. But, here, you do not talk of him. Here, you have forgiven him, for you are of God, and God wants you praying for those who pray against you. Here, you started as a mute, and you'll likely end as one, won't you?

Samik-jan, you are a bright little thing, aren't you? You and your perfect grades. You and your ever-learning. How do people talk? Good boy. How do people move? Good boy. How do people smile, hug, when do they speak up, and when do they shut up? When do they move, when do they sit still? Good boy. What's natural to you? You have realised why it is incorrect by now, haven't you? Good boy. Now, this mirror of yours, your grandfather, the saint? Yes, he is old, so he gets a pass — you follow our rules, or we leave you alone, right? Right. Good boy. This boy you're friends with, he is unfortunate, and you are ungrateful — the privileged don't get to complain. Stop complaining. Be quiet, you have a name. Be quiet, you are of a certain status. Speak up, make a good impression. Smile, arev-jan — you are a bright little thing, aren't you? Don't dim now, don't dim, don't dim on us, arev, don't —

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Sam-jan, you are a bright little thing, aren't you? You and your higher education. You learnt to close doors, didn't you? Good boy. We'll never know of what goes on behind them, so long as you maintain that smile, those perfect grades. We'll never know of the pills, the patches, the needles, the sweat, blood, the lies, the pain, the scrapped medical reports, the deaths, the swings, we'll never know who you are, for you have convinced yourself we expect perfection out of you. We'll never know of the damage. And, you know, eventually, you will forget it, too. Eventually, you'll tell yourself you treaded down this road because you were privileged and bored. Eventually, arev, you will convince yourself the design of you, and yours alone, was simply not perfect. Drowning in your lies, you will watch loved ones walk away, one by one, and you will sit back, and allow them to. You, Samvel, will tell yourself everyone is better off without you.

Then, the brother God gifted you, your confidant, and your partner in crime, will tell you that you do not know how to love, and he will walk away from you, too. And you will allow him to. And you will fly halfway across the globe, a bleeding thing aware of its scent attracting predators, and you will put the pack before you; you will choose a hole to, in peace, leave your last breath in. Here, at least, you get to take your mask off.

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Sike!

I know sobriety is the absolute worst thing I could impose on you, but it's either this or I tell your parents, Sam. And, of course, you've lived your entire life in dread of the sentence that the Pink Floyd judge gives, exposure, so, you comply. And now you're sober. And you fly between hometown and once-death-hole, and you meet your husband in the latter, and, now, you relapse, and you almost murder the other great-grandson — oop, now, you are exposed, and everyone knows who you are. Now, we know, Sam. Now, we know, Sam. Now, there's no more hiding. Now, there's no more lies. Now, we know everything, son, and guess what? Well, almost everything. Now, we know almost-everything, and you are still our sun, son. Arev-jan. Didn't expect that, did you? We love you, still, and we cherish you, and we are here for you.

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In drifts the grandson (the bad one, you know), and he drags you back into some shit, but, now, there is no buffer. It's you, and bruises, and ammunition, and blood, and tears — and you prayed for those, remember? For your tears back? And all you want is to be with God, all you want is to have your own life — Samvel-jan, you are a few months old, and they're trying to hand you back over to the evil one, and you are of God, Samvel, you have a choice, Samvel, you have a choice, you have a choice, and you can spread your wings, and you can fly, you can fly, you can fly —

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— straight into another cage.

But this one, this one is comfortable. This one is warm, and fuzzy, and gentle, and kind, this one is all you've ever dreamed of. This one is love, and a dream, a future, this one is warm beds, and warm meals, and warm arms, this one is a ring on the right hand, this one is marriage. This one is the one you cannot speak of, isn't it? This one is a noose tightening around your throat, the grand dimming of all that you are, this one is buried memories resurfacing, horrors within your comprehension but far beyond your processing capacity, this one is [REDACTED] your undoing, Samvel — this one is pain, this one is the generalised enemy's greatest deceit yet. Samvel. Samvel. wake up, Samvel.

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This one is your Creator's final lesson: you didn't survive just to hide.

Spread your tattered wings and fly, aghavni, migrate back to the continent that built you, and, here, you may take the ring off. You may place it before your icons and your candles, and you may kneel before it, you may, once again, pray for those that pray against you. Forget the silly dream, your wishful future, gullible one. Here, Sam, you may deny yourself, take up the cross, and follow your King.

Here, you may return, prodigal one.

We have been with you through it all. We have watched Our Love move through you; We knows of its eternity, Samvel, child, you are of Us.

Welcome home, son.

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(+) good listener, kind, loyal (to a fault), generous, hardworking

(=) aloof, guarded, private, religious, sensitive

(-) distrustful, paranoid, standoffish, stubborn, gullible

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apricot (colour) | the ocean/sea | water in general | pigeons | watching the mixing of cement | construction | bridges | his close family | animals | insects | chamomile | thistles | snowdrops | nature in general | hugs | domesticity | reckless driving (cough) | Toyota | seasonal fruit | honesty | authenticity | cotton | snow | cinnamon rolls | soup

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monochromatic spaces | high temperatures | humidity | playing string instruments | surface-level people | architects | his uncle | magic & the occult | the ticking of clocks | polyester | satin | AUDI | deer | plucking flowers | performative kindness | pancakes | reggae | monitoring spirits | astrology | the buzzing of electronics in otherwise quiet spaces | cliquiness | violence | intense perfumes/colognes | LED lighting

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white tank tops | baggy dress/sweatpants | secret fun/mismatched socks | gold jewellery | millennial mirror selfies | early morning quiet | the swishing of waves on the shore | falling asleep anywhere but in his bed | the scent of khoung wafting through the air | sunkissed skin | the moon's reflection on water | soft cotton sheets | flowers growing in concrete

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washes his glasses with soap and water | goes observer mode in large groups | checks in with his mom every day | does not allow the spoon to come in contact with the cup/glass when stirring | removes batteries from clocks so he won't have to hear the ticking | collects crumbs and/or stale bread to feed birds | feeds strays, too | raises his eyebrows when experiencing any negative emotion | tugs on his earlobes or plays with his necklace when he's nervous/uncomfortable | grits his teeth when highly irritated | sleeps either in his car or at the beach when he doesn't want to be home

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reading (Dostoevsky fanboy) | writing | listening to music (and yapping about it) | swimming | cooking | baking | symbolism (& the subsequent connecting of dots) | learning & discerning

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high-functioning opioiod addict 2011-2024 - in recovery since December 2024 | has clinically died three times | horrific repressed childhood memories resurfacing since January 2026 | suspects he's either ASD or quiet BPD (or both) for a while now - can't afford testing for either | recovering people pleaser/liar (name three people who are pleased with you, anyway) | when extremely stressed he regulates by rocking, dancing and/or listening to metal | turns into a tablet baby when presented with wax clay cracking and/or soap cutting/squishing videos - despises the nail polish variety of the former | never ever takes off his necklace | discovered one of the renowned Salish Sea feet while on a beach walk with his father as a child - has yet to decipher the event's symbolic significance | got his tears back in the spring of 2025 | generationally cursed | proper bilingual (English & Eastern Armenian) - can also have a simple conversation in Spanish, Mandarin & Standard Arabic - fluent in music | major nerd/geek | got his civil engineering PhD in November 2025 - might eventually pursue a related career | heart issues - prescribed nitroglycerin | nosebleeds as a frequent psychosomatic response to stress and/or inner turmoil | won't ask for help unless he's about to actively perish | significant iatrophobia but working on it | deathly afraid of deer since 2001 | non-verbal for the first 6 years of his life - his first words were 'I want' while pointing at an ice-cream truck outside | recovering only child/diva since late 2023 | baptised his aunt's daughter, Carine, May 2025 (controversial) - genuinely believes her birth (December 2023) saved his life | occasionally paints his nails just to file the colour off, rinse and repeat | Barbie as the Princess and the Pauper, where he is the princess and his childhood bestie is the pauper, perfectly reflecting their antithetical upbringings - grown ahh men in their 30s still doing the "I'm a Girl Like You" duet with dad Avagyan smh-ing at their persistent shenanigans in the background | one foot in one foot out the closet | "stop quoting Dostoevsky and explain yourself" | weirdo™ | [more tba]

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° 3rd pov, semi-para/para, present tense. I don't mind you writing in past tense, but I will not be mirroring. avail. depends on how busy real life is.

° on that note, mostly fickle with replies; if I take a while to get back to our thread, I'm most likely either invested in something else or trying not to drown within the perpetual tsunami that is capitalism. I don't poke, but if you must, please be cordial about it.

° within writing, italics indicate internal monologue, bold signifies either emphasis or loudness.

° I prefer private writing for heavier plots, but I'm not allergic to the public, if that is your thing. always open to discussion!

° I shy away from pre-established connections due to how rigid/strange my characters' backstories tend to be. most likely, I will opt for original brainstorming with respect to all characters involved.

° I am friendly, and hate OOC drama with a passion few people can fathom; although I am very open to geeking out OOC, I don't discuss my personal life in any capacity.

° PMs always open for plotting & brainstorming!

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° I am not my character, please keep that in mind. firm on the separation of OOC/IC.

° no god-modding, no metagaming. if I notice that you use OOC knowledge to further your personal agenda, I will take it up with an admin.

° if your character doesn't like something, they are free to take it up with mine IC; if I notice mixing of OOC and IC in any capacity, you will be soft-blocked without any warning. I'm here to write, not entertain needless OOC animosity and pettiness. furthermore, my deep-dive into the human condition in my writing entails that I don't wish for forced IC positivity and friendliness; if our characters don't vibe, that's perfectly fine with me. know this, because if you're someone who wishes to be rid of all negative energy during their rp experience, I will not accommodate that — you are free to stop interacting if anything about Sam bothers you or your character, more than free to have your character disconnect from mine if they don't want to engage anymore.

° I've been writing this man for nearly 2.5 years now (and I am fiercely protective of him); I tried my very best to include as much info that he has revealed to me within that timespan as possible here, in a concise manner, but, as you understand, he is the Mariana Trench by now; he is immensely nuanced, and I will not be apologising for his ever-shifting and, oftentimes, juxtaposed nature. additionally, [prayer hands] he has been through enough, please don't come at us with ill intent.

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it didn't turn out the way you wanted it, did it?

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are you the 'can't we all just be friends?' or the 'push my buttons one more time and I will release x years' worth of pent-up rage upon you' type of traumatised? yes

duality incarnate. lowkey born within the upper class, proper classical upbringing etc. etc. fell into addictions due to reasons that were, in sobriety, and quite recently, revealed to him in his dreams. genuinely traumatised, but thugging it out. has done a lot of good, has participated in a lot of evil, highkey done with people pleasing and currently doing whatever he wants, which is, apparently, ignoring his civil engineering degrees and just baking. genuinely kind, but also wholeheartedly detached. exhibits schizotypal behaviours. so random. talk to him about Kendrick Lamar, David Bowie, Serj Tankian, Maynard James Keenan, Kanye West and/or Dostoevsky if you want to get on his good side. diss the aforementioned for the opposite effect. would consider monkhood if he didn't have to abandon secular music for it. born and raised in Vancouver, Canada. travels to and from South Korea at will.

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double talkin' lies, no more patience, man.

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Guns N' Roses - Double Talkin' Jive (Visualizer)

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sometimes I fall off the path of righteousness, but that's okay.

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the monitoring spirit

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'cause I know you got a name, so why don't you just write it on this line?

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Inpatient (Ren x Chris Webby) - Down The Road

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shake it, Cali. shake, shake it, baby.

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our bad wolves thrive, salacious and insatiable.

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need you, dream you, find you, taste you.

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breathe, keep breathing, don't lose your nerve.

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they take you and make you, they look at you in disgusting ways.

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System Of A Down - Lost In Hollywood (High Quality)

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my uncle G told me that I had a chance, so then I popped out, and did it again, and did it again, and did it again.

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Baby Keem, Kendrick Lamar - family ties (Official Video)

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all I do, I can still feel you. numb all through, I can still feel you.

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you'd only care enough to kill somebody you love.

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learn to swim, learn to swim, learn to swim, learn to swim.

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the broken dream

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so, I reserve my own intimacies, I bundle them up in packages.

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I'm your puppet, you control me. I'm your puppet, I don't know me.

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he'll never return it, so, when you come back, we'll have to make new love.

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and true love waits in haunted attics. and true love lives on lollipops and crisps.

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do you want my blood? do you want my tears? what do you want?