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If you don't read the newspaper, you're uninformed. If you read the newspaper, you're mis-informed.
-Exaggeration, Juvenialan

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"Man is the only animal that blushes. or needs to."
Irony- juvenalian

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"In the first place, God made idiots. That was for practice. Then he made school boards."

Exaggeration- Juvenalian

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"Politicians should be changed like diapers."

Irony, Juvenalian

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"When angry, count to four; when very angry, swear."

exaggeration-Horatician

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"Always do right. This will gratify some people and astonish the rest."
Mark Twain-
Irony- Horatician

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"if you tell the truth you don't have to remember aything."

Mark twain-

irony- horatian

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“Behind every successful man is a woman. Behind every unsuccessful man, there are two."

Exaggeration - Juvenialan

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“Laughter without a tinge of philosophy is but a sneeze of humor. Genuine humor is replete with wisdom”

Exaggeration, Horatician

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"A full belly is little worth where the mind is starved."

Irony- Horatian

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"Do the thing you fear most, and the death of fear is certain."

Irony - Horatian

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"There is no sadder thing than a young pessimist, except an old optimist ."

Irony, Horatian

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"Always obey your parents when they are present." - Mark Twain

Irony- Horatician

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“I have seen slower people than I am and more deliberate... and even quieter, and more listless, and lazier people than I am. But they were dead.”

Irony- juvenalian

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"Modesty died when clothes were born."
Irony - Juvenalian

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“But who prays for Satan? Who, in eighteen centuries, has had the common humanity to pray for the one sinner that needed it most?”
― Mark Twain

―Irony & Juvenalian―

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"Always respect your superiors; if you have any."
Exaggeration- Horatician

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A lie can run around the world 6 times, while the truth is still trying to put on its pants.
Irony - Juvenalian