# data[].attributes.attachment_link.title
Gender Identity & Mental Health | Guide For Parents

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.description
If your child is transgender or struggling with their gender identity, read our information and advice on supporting them and on where you can get help.

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.readable_text
Your gender identity is the way that you describe your own gender.

It's to do with your internal sense of self and how you choose to express yourself.

Being Transgender

Transgender people are those whose assigned gender and gender identity is different. For example, someone might be born male, but identifies as female.

Others may have a gender that is neither male nor female, and some may not identify with any gender.

For some young people, coming to terms with the fact that they might be transgender can be very difficult. If you feel like this, remember that there are plenty of people who can help. They can talk things through with you and help you to explore and come to terms with the way you feel.

How to describe someone's gender respectfully

Pro-nouns are words like 'he', 'she', 'they', 'his' and 'hers' and describe other people's gender.

Using the right pro-noun is the best way to show respect for someone's gender identity, but if you're not sure which one is appropriate, here are some tips.

1. Use a person's name instead of 'he' or 'she'

2. Use 'they' or 'their'- for example "Sam's left already because they were late for basketball"

3. If you use the wrong pro-noun, correct your mistake, apologise and move on. There's no need to be embarrassed and don't make a big deal out of it.

How to get help

If you have any more questions on this area or would like to speak to somebody about this topic, have a look at the links or search for your local services in the blue box below. Alternatively you can always contact your school nurse.

Find help in your local area

Find help in your local area

Find out what services are available to you in your area. Remember your school nurse is always there to give you confidential help and support.

Notice: JavaScript is required for this content.

Love your body, love yourself, #lovehealth

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.title
Gender Identity: Just the Facts | Health For Teens

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.description
Find out more about gender identity and the ways in you can respectfully describe and discuss someone's gender.

# data[].attributes.body
Childline resources and information

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.readable_text
4 things to remember about gender identity:

Some people's gender identity doesn't match what's recorded at birth

You're not alone, and there are ways to cope and feel comfortable with yourself

You have the right to be protected from discrimination and bullying based on your gender identity

Childline is here to support you

When you're struggling to understand your gender identity it can be hard to know what to do. You might be feeling pressure to express yourself a certain way or have an answer about your gender identity. It's okay to take your time and think about what's right for you.

It's your choice how you express your gender identity, and you should be able to express yourself in a way that makes you comfortable.

If you're struggling to know what's right for you or you're not sure about how other people might react, it can help to talk about it.

You can talk to Childline about anything that's happening, and it can help to share your feelings with other young people on the message boards.

If you want to express your gender identity but you're not sure if you're ready, take your time. It can help to try:

Remember, how you express your gender identity is up to you and it doesn't need to follow other people's expectations or gender roles. You don't need to change anything if you're not ready or you don't feel like you need to.

It can take time to understand your gender identity. You might not know what to do or worry about what it means for the future. No matter how you're feeling, we're here to support you.

Coming out means telling people how you feel about your gender. Telling people can help you to be able to express your gender identity. But only you can decide when the right time to do it is.

If you're not sure how or when to come out, we've got lots of advice to help.

If you're worried about how people might react or your safety at home because of your gender identity, it can help to talk to Childline about it.

Some people can feel pressured to look or dress a certain way. But letting go of that pressure and making a change to what you wear can help you to feel more comfortable.

You might want to change how you look at home first. Or with people you trust. If you want to change your school uniform or how you look at school, it's important to speak to a teacher you trust for support.

There are lots of ways to express your gender with your appearance. If you're not sure where to start, you could try changing or cutting your hair, or wearing more gender neutral clothes.

Some young people want to use binders, gaffs of packers to hide feminine or masculine parts of themselves. It's important to remember that these can sometimes be uncomfortable or dangerous, and that you should speak to a doctor before using them.

Pronouns are the words people use to describe you, for example someone might refer to a person as "she" or "her".

Some people prefer to use gender neutral pronouns, like:

Asking people to use a different pronoun can be scary sometimes, so it can help to start by telling people you feel comfortable with.

Remember, people might not always remember which pronoun you feel most comfortable with. It can help to think about ways to remind people. If people are forgetting a lot or you think they might be doing it on purpose, you can get support from Childline any time.

Some trans or non-binary people change their name to better reflect their gender. There can be lots to think about if you change your name:

What feels right for you
You might want to choose one yourself, or with people you trust like your parents or carers. You might feel comfortable with your current name, or you might want time to decide what's best.

Who you share it with
It can help to start with a small group of people you trust so you can try it out to see how it feels.

How you want to tell people
You might want to tell some people yourself or get support from your school or family. Find out more about asking an adult for help.

Coping if people get it wrong
It can be upsetting when someone calls you a name you don't feel comfortable with, but it can help to have a plan of what to say or who to tell if this happens.

If you're over 16, you have the right to legally change your name. If you're under 16, you will need your parent or carer's support.

No one has the right to bully you, abuse you, put you down or discriminate against you. Lots of trans young people experience this. It's known as transphobia and is never your fault.

Transphobic bullying can include:

calling you names, using transphobic slurs or hurting you

refusing to call you by your new name or use your pronouns

making fun of how you dress or act

leaving you out of things

asking you lots of personal or sexual questions

making jokes about you.

Bullying is never okay, if it's happening to you we've got advice to help.

Lots of young people will go to the doctor to talk about how they feel and get support.

Visiting your doctor doesn't mean that you have to have medication or treatment. But it can be a good way to get support. Everyone is different and it's important to think about what makes you feel comfortable and take time to think about your options.

Some people visit the doctor to get support with:

coping with their feelings

getting medication to help change how they feel, act or look

changing how they look

puberty

finding ways to cope with their feelings.

Visiting your doctor is confidential, but it's important to ask if there's anything they would have to talk to your family about. Your doctor might only be able to support you with your parent or carer's consent, especially if you're under 16.

Your doctor might want you to visit a specialist so they can talk to you about how you feel and make an assessment. This can sometimes take a long time, so it's important to talk about how they can help you cope if you have to wait.
Find out more about specialist services for young people.

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.description
This page will help you understand what it means to be transgender and how to get support if you need it.

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.readable_text
Ways to put yourself first

Give yourself permission

It is very easy, as a parent or carer, to prioritise the needs of your family and others ahead of your own wellbeing. But taking time for yourself is not selfish. Everybody needs space to unwind and relax, and giving yourself permission to take some time to recharge your batteries means that you will hopefully have more energy and patience to meet the needs of your family. Start by trying to give yourself 10 minutes each day where you can just sit down, have a cup of tea and take a breather.'

You often get told to give some time for yourself. This doesn't need to be outside of the house. You can do this however you want, even if its going to the next room and eating some chocolate. '

Be kind to yourself

If you're looking at this page there's a pretty good chance you're struggling at the moment. It may be that you also feel bad about yourself and feel as if you're failing. If this is happening it can help to have a think about how you 'talk' to yourself. We're sometimes much harder on ourselves in our own thoughts than we would be to anyone else we speak to. Imagine that it's a friend who's in your situation right now instead of you. How would you comfort them? How would you encourage them? Can you speak encouragingly to yourself too?
'When things aren't going well, I often blame myself. I'm learning to notice when I do it and to try to be kind and gentle with myself. I tell myself I'm doing my best instead of that I'm failing.'
Ways to get things done

Make a to-do list

At times you might find that your 'list of things to do' can build up. This could be general errands, shopping for vital items, or general admin. If these tasks are weighing on your mind compile a to-do list that you can tick off as you go along prioritising those activities which need to be done that day or week. This includes setting aside quality time with your children and time for yourself. Just seeing everything written down may help make things seem more manageable and identify things which really aren't urgent. And remember it is fine and healthy to sometimes have a downday.
'I've had to learn how to not feel guilty about not getting everything I wanted to get done. A mixture of self-compassion and having realistic expectations to begin with.'
Ask for help

Asking for help from others can sometimes feel as if we're failing as a parent or carer but parenting can be tough and reaching out for support is nothing to feel ashamed of. Whether it's minding your child for a short time to allow you to get things done or running a small errand for you, friends and family will often be happy to help and children and young people can also benefit from knowing there are other trusted adults in their life that your family can turn to. Depending on the age of the child, you can also ask them to complete age-appropriate tasks to help around the house to relieve you of some of the everyday tasks.
'It's so important to take help where you can. Try to be specific about the help you need and when you need it as this will often help others know what is required and how they can help.'
Ways to look after yourself

Maintain energy levels
'Making time to exercise is really important even if its just walking around the block with your baby in a pram.' 'My partner would often have to work late so every now and again I would ask a friend to babysit whilst I slept upstairs knowing my children were safe and entertained downstairs.'
Looking after your physical health can have a positive impact on your mental and emotional wellbeing. A healthy and balanced diet can help how you feel physically and avoiding certain foods can help if you're feeling low or anxious. Regular exercise doesn't need to mean running 5ks but may include regular walks,

or visualisation.

Prioritise sleep
'It's important to have your own voice and to not let others tell you what you should be doing or what you need.'
Balanced sleep is really important for good mental health but it can also be a really useful self-care tool for when you need a break to get away from your thoughts or situation for a bit. Trying to establish good sleep routines for your children can be the first step to giving you time at night to relax and allow you to get a good night sleep for yourself. This may be harder with babies and infants but even with older children you may benefit from allowing yourself a power nap in the daytime whilst they are at school.

Ways to stay connected
'As much as I love my phone and everything I use it for, I feel like I'd be much less anxious without it.'
Check in with friends

Maintaining good relationships with friends and family is one of the most important factors in maintaining good mental health. New 'parent friends' can be great for both you and your children but sometimes old friends are the only ones who you can really confide in, have a laugh with, and make you feel better about yourself. Of course, meeting face-to-face may not always be possible but scheduling a regular call once your children are in bed or doing their homework can make all the difference.
'Doing something that I love and that I've loved since before I had children helps me to feel energised and more 'myself'. It's good to remember who I am outside of being a parent.'
Say 'no' to things

Often when we're struggling, it may feel hard to balance how we're feeling with the expectations that may be placed on us by ourselves or our family. There is lots of advice about setting healthy boundaries and interpersonal effectiveness worksheets online which can help you communicate your needs without seeming aggressive or feeling guilty about neglecting the needs of others. Remember you have the right to say yes or no without having to explain your reasons.

Ways to create free time in your diary

Sometimes a 24/7 engagement with instant messaging and social media can feel a bit relentless and stressful. Some people say they stay on devices out of habit. Just as you might limit your children's time on devices, try to set a time when you will put the phone down and unwind with your family. You can also curate your social media by only following accounts that make you feel good and blocking or ignoring accounts which may make you feel angry, low or depressed. Limiting use of devices can also help you have 'good sleep' which in turn can help with your energy levels and mental wellbeing.

Remember your passions

Before you became a parent of carer, you may have had hobbies or passions which have fallen by the wayside. Finding time to engage in activities which you enjoy can boost your self-esteem and have a positive impact on your own wellbeing. Whether its baking, crafting, creative writing, or drawing and painting, there are many activities you can do at home that needn't cost too much and can give you a sense of pride when the activity is complete. Of course, you may prefer to join a choir or local drama group or even just taking time to listen to music that you like rather than what your kids like can prove beneficial.

Additional support

Whilst self-care is important, it is important to recognise that if you are struggling as a parent or carer with your mental health and wellbeing that you know that there is help and support out there for you. Your GP should be able to offer help and support and, if necessary, refer you to an adult mental health service. Where possible, try to talk to a trusted friend or relative so they are also aware of how you're feeling and can check in on you. The below organisations also offer crisis support for parents and carers:

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.description
Guidance on the importance of self-care for parents and carers

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.provider_name
Support for Parents from Action For Children

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.title
How can I support my child with their gender identity? - Support for Parents from Action For Children

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.description
If your child is exploring their gender identity, you might have questions about what it means and how to support them.

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.readable_text
Gender dysphoria

Gender dysphoria is when someone experiences unease because their gender identity is different from, or doesn't sit comfortably with, the sex they were registered at birth. Gender dysphoria is not a mental illness, but some people may develop mental health problems such as depression or anxiety, as a result of gender dysphoria.

Gender dysphoria can start from a very young age. This could include things like not wanting to wear masculine or feminine clothing. Older children may feel anxious or uncomfortable about the changes that happen during puberty, such as starting their period, or their voice deepening. However, this type of behaviour is reasonably common in childhood and is part of growing up. It doesn't mean that all children behaving this way have gender dysphoria or other gender identity issues.

In 2022/23 Childline delivered almost 3,400 sessions about sexuality and gender identity.

Common themes for children contacting Childline with questions about their gender identity are: anxiety about their feelings, fear of not being accepted, lack of available support, and the time it takes for them to access support services.

Transitioning

Some young people who experience gender dysphoria may decide to transition. Transitioning is the jouney someone takes from presenting themselves as the gender which corresponds to the sex they were registered at birth, to presenting themselves as the gender they feel they are.

Children and young people may choose to do this in different ways and at different stages depending on what they feel comfortable with. Some young people may choose to do this privately or just with close friends and family, before coming out more publicly.

A child or young person's transition may involve changing the way they look or dress. For example, they might want to wear makeup or shave their facial hair. Some children may also want to visit the doctor to get support or discuss their options for medical treatment. Your GP should be able to provide advice and guidance about what options are available to support children and families.

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.description
Advice to help parents and carers understand gender identity and how to support a child.

# data[].attributes.body
Information about support with understanding Gender Idenity

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.readable_text
If you feel confused about your gender identity, you're not alone.
Many teenagers question their gender, whether they feel female, male, non-binary or any of the other terms used on the gender spectrum.

Some people believe that society has become more accepting of differences in gender identity.

Although most people do not question their gender, for some young people their gender identity is more complex.

You may question your gender if your interests and social life do not fit with society's expectations of the gender you were assigned at birth.

You may feel:

that you cannot identify with being just male or female

that you identify with multiple genders

that you have no gender (agender)

that you are non-binary

Or, you may have a strong sense of being a gender that is different to the sex you were assigned at birth and may feel that this has affected the way you feel about your body.

For young people who feel distressed about their gender, puberty can be a very difficult and stressful time.

Puberty is a time of physical changes to your body, such as the growth of breasts or facial hair.

Does it make me gay, lesbian or bisexual?

Gender identity and sexual orientation are separate things.

You may identify as straight, gay, lesbian, bisexual, polysexual, pansexual or asexual.

Or, you may want to describe your sexuality and gender identity as being fluid - that is, they change over time.

How does gender discomfort affect you?

If you experience discomfort with your gender identity, you may feel unhappy, lonely or isolated from other teenagers.

Gender identity issues are not a mental health disorder or disease. However, if you feel as though you are struggling with your mental health you can seek help for this.

You may feel social pressure from your friends, classmates or family to behave in a certain way, or you may face bullying and harassment for being different. This may be affecting your self-esteem and performance at school.

All these difficulties can affect your emotional and psychological wellbeing. In some cases the distress can be considerable. Depression is very common among young people with gender discomfort.

Who can help me?

If you're experiencing discomfort or uncertainty about your gender identity, and it's causing you distress, it's important to talk to an adult you can trust.

You might want to talk to a parent or family member, or someone at your school or college.

Schools and colleges are now much more aware of trans and gender identity issues, are keen to support young people, and have a duty to support you.

If you do not feel able to talk to someone you already know, there are charities and local gender support groups you can talk to. Many have trained counsellors you can speak to in confidence.

You can find charities and support groups on the Tranzwiki page on the Gender Identity Research & Education website.

What help is available on the NHS?

If you have strong and continuing feelings of distress because of a mismatch between your sex assigned at birth and your gender identity, there are options available.

These include talking therapy, hormone treatment and, after 18 years of age, surgery if appropriate.

Your GP, other health professional, school or a gender support group may refer you to the Gender Identity Development Service (GIDS) at the Tavistock and Portman NHS Foundation Trust.

This NHS service specialises in helping young people up to the age of 18 with gender identity issues. It takes referrals from anywhere in England. Its main clinics are in London and Leeds.

What can I expect from the service?

The team at GIDS considers the individual needs of each young person, including their age and their stage of development.

The GIDS will support you, involving your family as appropriate, your school and any other services that may be involved.

All sessions are confidential and information about you will only be shared with your consent (unless there is a concern that you are at serious risk of harm).

Assessment

The first stage is an assessment, which will usually involve between 3 to 6 appointments over a period of time (usually up to 6 months).

You will have a key worker who will co-ordinate your care. 1 or 2 members of the clinical team will oversee your assessment, such as a clinical psychologist, child psychotherapist, child and adolescent psychiatrist, family therapist or social worker.

The assessment will include exploring your past and current gender identity, your relationships with family and friends, your emotional and psychological wellbeing and your physical health.

For more serious emotional issues, the GIDS team may refer you to your local child and young people's mental health service if you are not already in touch with them, where mental health specialists will support you.

Continued support

After you have been assessed by the GIDS, you and your family will be offered support for as long as you need it (up to the age of 18). You may find that this support is enough to help you live in the gender role with which you identify.

Hormone therapy

If you have lasting signs of gender dysphoria and you meet strict criteria, you may be referred to a hormone specialist (consultant endocrinologist) to see if you can take hormone blockers as you reach puberty. This is in addition to psychological support.

Hormone or puberty blockers allow a young person to consider their options while exploring their gender identity.

GIDS advises that blockers are physically reversible when treatment is stopped. However it is not known what all the psychological effects may be. The decision to have any kind of healthcare treatment always involves weighing up the different benefits and risks involved.

Fertility

Gender-affirming hormones may affect your future fertility, so it's important to consider this before choosing to move on to hormones.

The GIDS team will help you to consider your options and recommend you seek further specialist advice via your GP regarding gamete storage. This is the harvesting and storing of eggs or sperm for your future use.

Gamete storage is sometimes available on the NHS.
Find out more information for trans and non-binary people seeking fertility treatment on the HFEA website

What next?

Through the help and support of the GIDS, many young people become at ease with how they express their gender identity.

Once you are aged 17 years, you can ask for a referral to NHS adult gender identity services if you wish to explore your gender identity further.

NHS England review of gender identity services

NHS England has commissioned an independent review of gender identity services for children and young people. The review will advise on any changes needed to how services are delivered for children and young people.

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.title
Worried about your gender identity? Advice for teenagers

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.description
Find out what support is available on the NHS if you're worried about your gender identity.

# data[].attributes.body
There are lots of emotional support resources here. The link takes you the website so have a scroll.

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.readable_text
Our use of cookies

We use necessary cookies to make our site work. We'd also like to set optional analytics to help us improve it. We won't set optional cookies unless you enable them. Using this tool will set a cookie on your device to remember your preferences.

For more detailed information about the cookies we use, see our Cookies page

Necessary cookies

Necessary cookies enable core functionality such as security, network management, and accessibility. You may disable these by changing your browser settings, but this may affect how the website functions.

Analytics cookies

We'd like to set non-essential cookies, such as Google Analytics, to help us to improve our website by collecting and reporting information on how you use it. The cookies collect information in a way that does not directly identify anyone. For more information on how these cookies work, please see our Cookies page. If you are 16 or under, please ask a parent or carer for consent before accepting.

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.title
On My Mind | Resources for Young People | Anna Freud Centre

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.description
On My Mind aims to empower young people to make informed choices about their mental health and wellbeing. Click here to find out more.