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This first stage is incredibly important to the growth process of an individual. They learn from those who are responsible for their wellbeing, how to react to the world. A caring, attentive parent sets the stage for an individual's understanding that their needs will be met. Conversely, a child that is often left alone will struggle to make those connections. My mom has said that I was a very happy baby. She called me sunshine because when she would come into my room in the morning or after a nap, I was always smiling and playful. While that may have been my natural demeanor, I believe it was in direct relation to the bond I formed with her. Erikson describes basic trust as "a sense of reliability of people and objects." My mom has always been the constant in my life, and it developed from day one.

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Stage 2: Autonomy versus Shame and Doubt

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Stage 2: Autonomy versus Shame and Doubt

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Toddlers are emerging into self-awareness. Erikson's second stage, toddlers are finding that balance between what they want to do versus what they can do. By expressing themselves and their desires, they are seeking independence while still maintaining their need for their caregiver. My father was an alcoholic. He asserted his dominance through physical, emotional, and verbal communication. He was temperamental and scary when he was drinking, which was all the time. It has been stated that "the strength that emerges during this stage is will." Walking on eggshells, even as a toddler, taught me that I should be quiet and reserved. While I do not remember much during this time period, what I can remember it not good. There was always the fear of doing or verbalizing something too loudly and being reprimanded for it.

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In this stage of development, children are figuring out what is acceptable and what is socially frowned upon. They are growing up while grappling with the feelings of right and wrong. Guilt is a strong emotion, one that drives me to this day. During this formative stage, making decisions and learning from them are crucial. While I made mistakes, the repercussions of some of those mistakes were often greater than the event itself. When I was five, I loved walking around in my mom's heels. By this point, my parents were going through a contentious divorce. My sisters and I were at my dad's apartment with his new girlfriend. I was walking around in her heels when I got too close to my dad and accidentally stepped on his foot. Now mind you, my feet were nowhere near the size of hers and I did not step down all the way. The response I received was disproportionate to the slight on my part. I was yanked up out of the shoes, forcefully slammed on the table at eye level, and screamed at while he tightly gripped my arms and shook me back and forth. The second part of this stage, guilt, has been described as, "the part that is becoming an adult, constantly examining the propriety of motives and actions." This event in my life along with many others, has caused me to constantly question and reevaluate my decisions and actions.

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Erikson's fourth stage involves obtaining and successfully utilizing skills that society deems important. Living up to expectations while finding the motivation within you. Often failing to meet these expectations, causes low self-esteem while developing a sense of inadequacy. Motivation is both intrinsic and extrinsic. Through the previous stages of development, my self-esteem was waning. My inner ability to see the worth of proving myself was nonexistent. Time and time again, I had been shown that my existence was appreciated but I contributed nothing else. I yearned for positive attention in classes and from classmates. I just did not have the tools to positively assert myself. Gabriella Martorell in her book, "Child", stated "If children are unable to obtain the praise of others or lack motivation and self-esteem, they may develop a feeling of low self-worth and thus develop a sense of inferiority." My inability to see myself as anything more than existing was a direct result of feeling inferior.

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Stage 5: Identity versus Identity Confusion 

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Stage 5: Identity versus Identity Confusion 

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This stage involves figuring out your role in society and values to live by. Friendship, fidelity, and sense of self are at the forefront of development. While my past may have contributed to a lot of negative views regarding myself, it allotted insight into how I viewed my relationship within society. High school lends itself to many different people from different walks of life in a collaborative space. I was bullied and teased for items and attributes I did not possess, as well as for being shy and timid. Although, at times, I struggled, it taught me a lot about how people should be treated. I have an inclusive view of the world. While I may not have known what I wanted at this stage, I did know what I did not want. It has been stated that, "Adolescents who resolve the identity crisis satisfactorily develop the virtue of fidelity." I know my place in the world and how to interact within it. I am an ally, to anyone who needs it and to those who do not.

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The relationships you make within this stage are about acceptance and respect. Whether platonic or romantic, how you interact and build foundations with others sets the stage for personal intimacy. This stage of development is described as a "person who makes commitments to others or may suffer from isolation and self-absorption." The friends I have made up to and through this phase of life are relationships that I have cherished. Support and understanding are the cornerstone of great friendships. I have many friends from during this time period in which I still interact. Although, as we have gotten older it has become more difficult to consistently get together, the sentiment of the relationship is the same. I will always be available for them and them for me.

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Stage 7: Generativity versus Stagnation 

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Stage 7: Generativity versus Stagnation 

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As an adult matures it becomes important to pass on the knowledge you have gained for the next generation. During this stage, offering wisdom and helping others to succeed is important for personal growth. Feeling as though you have nothing to offer can lead to stagnation. This stage is dear to my heart, as it is my current stage. Becoming a teacher to guide our future is a gift that I am humbled to have. Generativity is being "concerned with establishing and guiding the next generation." It is my job to set the stage for an environment in which my students feel safe and comfortable to learn lessons and make mistakes. I am an advocate for their success and am honored to do so.

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This stage is all about acceptance. Acceptance of the life you have lived. While perfection is unattainable, one must be able to understand that they have done the best they could within the time they had. Without this one "despairs over inability to relive life." While I am not in this stage, I have faith that I will live with integrity. My family, friendships, and community have played a significant role in my ability to thrive. I will continue to give my all to them and learn from my past, for it is what made me who I am today.