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Lindo sacrificed her childhood and her life with her family to marry Tyan-yu, a boy she did not know, to make her parents proud, demonstrating the sacrifices she will make for her family. Lindo was betrothed to Tyan-yu Huang at a very young age by a mutual agreement between the families and “sacrificed [her] life to keep [her] parents’ promise”, by leaving her family to live with him at twelve years old (Tan 42). Lindo did not love Tyan-yu and neither did he, but she was “determine to honor her parents” (Tan 49). Lindo moved into Tyan-yu’s house and was treated like a maid for many years as she cooked and cleaned for the family. Lindo never once complained and was headstrong about honoring her family her whole time living in the Huang’s residence. This indicates that Lindo was laser focused on honoring her family and staying true to the promise made so long ago no matter the costs. She did not want to embarrass or disappoint her family, so she put herself through years or hardship and neglect to prove to her family is true to their word. After years of these hardships, she finally finds a way to break off her marriage to Tyan-yu and still keep honor to her family’s name. This confirms Lindo would make extreme sacrifices for her family due to her love for them further proving love is full of sacrifices.

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Lena losing her mom to depression causes her to no longer see love; she must feel it, which causes her marriage to fall apart. After losing her child, Ying-Ying spiraled into depression by having random fits of sobbing. These inconsistent fits of babbling, followed by long durations of silence, begin to take a toll on Lena. Lena ponders on her feelings by confessing, “I had such fears inside, not in my head but in my stomach. I could no longer see what was so scary, but I could feel it. I could feel every little movement in our silent house” (Tan 118). To Lena, her house looks the same, but everything feels uneasy. She could no longer see problems; she could only feel them. This inability of being able to see others’ emotions carries into her marriage with her not being able to see Harold’s love. Lena confesses that “Lately, however, this business about being equals started to bother me. It’s been on my mind, only I didn’t really know it. I just felt a little uneasy about something. And then about a week ago, it all became clear. … I touched his hand and said, ‘Harold, I love you.’ And he looked in the rearview mirror, backing up the car, and said, ‘I love you too. Did you lock the door?’ And just like that, I started to think, It’s just not enough” (Tan 174). When Harold only says that he loves her instead of showing it, causes Lena to believe that her marriage is no longer enough. This shows that the trauma from her past seeps into her relationship with Harold.

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Lindo pushes her daughter Waverly in many aspects to do better in life. She knew that Waverly’s talented abilities would lead her far in life and with that, consequences may occur. Waverly admits that her mother taught her “the art of invisible strength” (Tan 271). With this strength she endures the knowledge of her own self-worth. The self -worth she acknowledges that runs through her, blossoms into new beginnings. Lindo yearns for Waverly to have an amazing marriage and family. So, she criticizes Waverly’s fiancée Rich Shields by talking about the “many spots on his face” (Tan 196). Lindo degrades Rich for looking differently than them. She believes that with this information Waverly will leave him and find a better fitting husband.  Lindo thinks with this information Waverly will prosper from this information while she tries to connect with her daughter.

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First, grief is affected by the loss of loved ones for Rose Hsu, who loses her brother Bing, and for Jing-Mei Woo, who loses her mother. Rose Hsu expresses her sorrow over losing her brother when she says, “I think about Bing, how I knew he was in danger, how I let it happen” (Tan 140).  Rose Hsu was told to watch her brother, Bing, while he was playing near the ocean. She took her eyes off Bing for only a moment before Bing was swept into the sea and never seen again. Rose Hsu feels an immense amount of pain from losing someone whom she loves so dearly, especially because she feels as if his death is her fault. Similarly, Jing-Mei Woo expresses her anguish over the death of her mother when she declares, “I lay awake thinking about my mother’s story, realizing how much I have never known about her, grieving that my sisters and I had both lost her” (Tan 327). Jing-Mei Woo feels as if she never discovered who her mother really was while she was alive. Her father tells her of her mother’s astonishing story that helps Jing-Mei understand the kind of person her mother truly was. After hearing her father’s story, Jing-Mei Woo becomes incredibly sorrowful that she was not able to know her mother better before losing her. To conclude, Both Rose Hsu and Jing-Mei Woo underwent pain from losing a family member whom they loved and held dear to their heart.

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In the beginning of the novel, Lindo Jong tells the story of her laborious and monotonous life as an obedient wife in an arranged marriage she cannot leave. At the young age of two, Lindo met the matchmaker who soon arranged her to marry Tyan-Yu, a wealthy, spoiled boy younger than her. She recounts “that was how backward families in the country were. We were always last to give up stupid old-fashioned customs” (pg 51). In this quote, Lindo describes her opinion on arranged marriage and implies that she does not agree with the way China mandates these customs. Overtime, as she learns to be an obedient wife under Tyan-Yu’s mother’s guidance, Lindo realizes her relationship is not what she wants. She contemplates “… how I would escape this marriage without breaking my promise to my family… I made the Huangs think it was their idea to get rid of me.” (Tan 63) This connects the importance honor is to traditional Chinese families, if Lindo left this marriage, she would bring disrespect to her family. It also exhibits that one of the only ways Chinese women at this time were able to have free will and leave their marriages would be to strategically escape them. Lindo’s story illustrates the struggles for women to find independence and have their own opinion in traditional China.

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Furthermore, the effects of trauma can be represented through young Ying-Ying’s life. During the night of the Moon Festival, she falls off her family’s boat and into the deep waters below. She thrashes around for a while until she is pulled out by fishers close to the lake. As the fishermen try to figure out where Ying-Ying is from and if anyone has lost her, Ying-Ying felt as if she “had turned into a beggar girl, lost without her family” (Tan 79). She went unnoticed by her family when she fell into the waters and leaving her to feel as if she doesn’t have one. When hours pass and her family finally finds her, she thinks, “even though I was found / I never believe my family found the same girl” (Tan 83). After her experience of feeling lost without any hope her whole life changes. She’s not the wild child she used to be. This not only affects the rest of her childhood, but it also affects her adult life and her relationship with her daughter, Lena.

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·         In Lena’s chapters, Amy Tan expresses how an imbalanced homelife made her life miserable and it leading to her striving for balance and equality in her marriage. Lena’s mother went through a multitude of traumatic experiences as an adult; however, she unfortunately reflected these intense emotions onto Lena and her family and home environment. During her pregnancy and after the baby, she was so obsessed with having a balance in her home that she ultimately became an extremely cold and reserved woman and became someone that Lena could no longer rely on. Lena could hear her neighbor through her walls, and she could hear her and her mother screaming and fighting, sounding like she was being brutally murdered. But towards the end of her chapter, Lena meets her neighbor and realizes that her and her mother were screaming out of love, and Lena was longing for her own parents to nurture her but also fight with her: “I was crying for joy with them, because I had been wrong. And in my memory I can still feel the hope that beat in me that night. I clung to this hope, day after day, night after night, year after year” (120). Lena had nothing in her home that made her feel important from her own family. When she was first listening to her neighbors, Lena was glad that she was not going through that and being “murdered”. After realizing she was missing out on being cared and prioritized, she felt incredibly empty and longing for emotion. She continued hoping for someone to care about her throughout her adult life and reflected into her marriage. Lena’s childhood led her to need complete control and equality in different aspects in her life. Eventually, she could not take feeling important and equal, and she lashed out to Harold desperately asking, “And then wouldn’t I feel worse? … None of it seems right. Nothing makes sense. I can admit to nothing, and I am in complete despair” (180). Lena had been holding in her emotions thinking she needed complete equality, and letting Harold make most decisions and, but she was tired of not being prioritized. Lena needed a well-rounded homelife as an adult and as a child, but she was never given this love and nurturing, leading her to feel imbalanced and desperate to feel something in her life.

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In the novel, Rose suddenly loses her younger brother, Bing, when he drowns on their family beach excursion. Her emotions brought out from the tragedy show that “When something that violent hits you, you can’t help but lose your balance and fall. And after you pick yourself up, you realize you can’t trust anybody to save you- not your husband, not your mother, not God. So what can you do to stop yourself from tilting and falling over again?” (Tan 128) After he passed, she learned that she couldn’t count on people, even herself. She gained trust issues and became indecive in future relationships. Later on, Rose’s talks about how she feels blind to the things that she saw were happening. She digests the similarities from her marriage to Bing’s death when she says, “I think about Bing, how I knew he was in danger, how I let it happen. I think about my marriage, how I had seen the signs, I really had. But I just let it happen. And I think now that fate is shaped half by the expectation, half by the inattention, but somehow, when you lose something you love, faith takes over. You have to pay attention to what you lost, you have to undo the expectation” (Tan 140). The original loss scared her, and the effect of that scar is present in her current relationships. Rose is still learning the lesson from her lost, and it took her into her adulthood to stand up for herself.

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As young Chinese women, the mothers in the story were taught to listen to their parents and follow orders. This is shown throughout the novel. An example of the expectations is when Ying-Ying is young and living in China. Amah tells Ying-Ying to stop asking questions and listen, saying, “You do not need to understand. Just behave, follow your mother’s example” (Tan 66). As a child, Amah and other authority figures constantly told Ying-Ying this and similar sentiments. Because of her wild nature, she is encouraged to stay quiet and told that running around is for young boys. Lindo also grew up in China and has been taught the same values. After she moves to America and has Waverly, she tries to raise her with those principles too by saying, “Bite back your tongue… In Chinese we say, Come from South, blow with wind—poom!—North will follow” (Tan 89).  Lindo believes Waverly should grow up with similar teachings as she was taught in China. She believes this will make Waverly strong and respectful. However, she also wants Waverly to be American, which poses conflicting ideals.

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Through abortion, Ying-Ying suffers through the raging pains of her grief.

In the moments following the abortion Ying-Ying fights through her pain: “my body flowed with terrible revenge as the juices of my man’s firstborn son poured from me” (Tan 281). In the midst of her pain, Ying- Ying makes the effort to overcome the rage of voices in her head telling her she did wrong. Ying-Ying’s desire of not giving birth to a son of a man so terrible puts her in a dark place of mental struggle, Ying-Ying endures many mental obstacles as she fights the ache and sorrow of her loss. As a result of suppressing all her pains this turns her feelings into the grief of her son (Tan 282). This grief turns into the loss of her strength, Ying-Ying feels her pains transformed her into a “shadow” and that she has no true identity. This further portrays how Ying-Ying’s pains of grief put her in a dark mindset

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Rose’s life is affected by her little brother, Bing, dying while she was responsible for him. After Bing passed away, Rose “had expected to be beaten to death… [She] knew it was her fault. [She] hadn’t watched him closely enough” (Tan 135). This quote illustrates the overwhelming guilt that Rose feels after her little brother passes away. Rose being responsible for Bing when he died leads to her avoiding responsibility in her adult life. This can be seen in Rose’s marriage with Ted, when “After a while, there were no more discussions. Ted simply decided. And I never thought of objecting. I preferred to ignore the world around me” (Tan 126). Rose avoided all responsibilities in her marriage, therefore avoiding all possible blame. Instead of being held accountable for potential mistakes, Rose never took action in the first place, so mistakes were never a responsibility. A traumatic event that Rose was responsible for in her childhood affected her adult life up to her divorce with her husband.

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Trauma can change a person’s personality and we can see this in the story about Rose Hsu. For example, on page 140 Rose Hsu reflects on her childhood thinking about the loss of her brother Bing and how she blames herself, “I think about Bing, how I knew he was in danger, how I let it happen.” This shows that she still has that wound that prevents her from healing. Because of this she now doesn’t want to make decisions on her own as she feels the same thing will happen as it did in the past. This carries on to adulthood where she is enabled to make any decisions, with her spouse ted pointing it out on page 127, “’Nothings important to you then.' … 'Did you just say, " I do " because the minister said, "repeat after me?’". This can infer that the event hurt her so bad that she didn’t open to others about it, the trauma making her silent even to the love of her life. As we can see trauma from the past can affect a person’s personality as they grow, it still weighting on them even after all the years.

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The unequivocal devastation that a mother feels when she loses her own son is shown when An-Mei loses her son Bing to a drowning incident. An-Mei had held out hope that she would find Bing, but “At that moment, and not until that moment, did she give up. My mother had a look on her face that I’ll never forget. It was one of complete despair and horror, for losing Bing, for being so foolish as to think she could use faith to change fate” (Tan 139). This moment shows the complete desperation and horrification any parent could have which is the realization that their child is gone forever. At this moment, An-Mei shows the impact of losing a child can do to a parent, she shows the emptiness and fragility left behind of the person. Later on, Rose understands that her mother recognizes Bing’s death but still had hope for him when Lena saw that “On the page before the New Testament begins, there’s a section called “Deaths,” and that’s where she [An-Mei] wrote “Bing Hsu” lightly, in erasable pencil” (Tan 140). The erasable pencil is a key part of the quote because it is to suggest that An-Mei was hoping that somewhere out in the world was her son waiting for her. An-Mei never gave herself the proper mourning time, she carried on with her life as if there was nothing wrong which negatively impacted her. The devastation of Bing’s death permanently impacts An-Mei in a negative way, his death causes her to fall apart and the loneliness forever leaves a mark on her.

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When Bing passes away Rose no longer trust herself to make decisions nor depend on herself for daily life activities. The loss of Bing has long-term effects on Rose leaving her dependent on her husband, which later leads to a divorce. She has a challenging time trying to make decisions on any given occasion for "each decision meant a turn in another direction" (Tan 213). Throughout the novel Rose is caught up in whether she is doing the right thing. She blames herself for being the reason Bing is no longer here; she was the one who was watching him, she was the one who took her eyes off him, she was the one who was worried about other things. Rose frequently believes that she needs recusing. Throughout her marriage with Ted, she relied heavily on him to make the important decisions, and the not so important decisions. Rose convinces herself that she is one always in danger and Ted is the one there to rescue her (Tan 125). The death of Bing causes Rose to forget that she has authority over her life She is so nervous about ruining it she doesn’t give herself any room for freedom. Ted is her only source of stability and when he leaves, she has nowhere left to turn, since she believes she can’t rely on herself.

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During An-Mei’s time as a young mother, she experiences a loss which ultimately leads to a separation of an aspect of her life that has been of great importance to her for many years. During An-Mei’s family’s time at the beach, putting on the act of a true American family, her four-year-old son, Bing, gets lost. In a moment of curiosity, Bing slips into the water, disappears, and the water returns motionless. After being released home to grieve, An-Mei cannot stand losing Bing, and must go back to look for him the next day. When she got to the still sea where Bing was last seen, she began praying to God, with bible in hand, begging Him to bring her son back because she will do better (Tan 133-136). An-Mei gets sent home without answers on her son, making it very hard for her to except his loss and grieve. Loss is a feeling that is extremely difficult to swallow, and without answers it is near impossible to cope. An-Mei begs for her son to come back to her in prayer because she cannot except his absence and is unable to digest the loss of her own flesh and blood. God does not answer An-Mei’s plea, and Bing is forever lost. An-Mei’s daughter, Lena, recognizes her mother’s devastation and realization, “At that moment, and not until that moment, did she give up. My mother had a look on her face that I’ll never forget. It was one of complete despair and horror, for losing Bing, for being so foolish as to think she could use faith to change fate. And it made me angry – so blindingly angry – that everything had failed us” (Tan 139). An-Mei uses her faith, something she has held close to her for most of her life, in an attempt to not have to accept the loss of her son and swallow the pain. Her faith does not answer in ways she expected and ultimately fails her. This failure leads her to abandon her faith life. Loss is difficult to accept and tends to create separation between aspects of one’s life.

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Ani-mei’s mother sacrifices her own flesh for her mother, Popo. In the last moments of Popo’s life, Ani-mei’s mother makes a soup by “[cutting] a piece of meat from her arm. Tears poured from her face and blood spilled to the floor. My mother took her flesh and put in it the soup” (Tan 41). Ani-mei’s mother places her own flesh in a soup because ancient Chinese tradition says that it will heal Popo from her illnesses. Ani-mei’s mother’s painful sacrifice for her mother demonstrates the great love and respect that she has for her mother. Popo dies that night leaving Ani-Mei’s mother to think “this is how a daughter honors her mother. It is shou so deep it is in your bones. The pain of flesh is nothing.” Honor and respect of family members is of upmost importance in the novel. Ani-Mei’s mother believes that in order to honor her mother she must sacrifice something that is truly painful, her own flesh. She thinks that this is the way to prove her love and to show respect to her mother.

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Rose is significantly impacted by the loss of her brother, which later affects who she becomes as an adult. When Rose is younger, she reflects on when her brother died and blames herself, saying, “I knew it was my fault. I hadn’t watched him closely enough, and yet I saw him” (Tan 135). Rose puts a great deal of guilt on herself when she thinks about Bing’s death. She contemplates how she could have stopped his death but, did not. Even though it is known that it was not Rose’s fault, she continues to blame herself for something that was inevitable. Later in life, Rose tries to move on from Bing’s death and stand up for herself but “There was so much to think about, so much to decide. Each decision meant a turn in another direction” (Tan 213). In this moment in the novel, Rose struggles with finding herself. After Bing’s death, she lets people walk all over her in fear that she would make the wrong decision again and later regret it.

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This novel displays the importance of independence when Waverly defies her mother’s direction and acts on her own will. At the young age of ten years old, Waverly “decided to quit playing chess” even though she had become a prodigy and won countless competitions (Tan 171). She shocked everyone with the rashness and impulsiveness of her decision, especially her mother who took great pride in her daughter’s accomplishments. A child making such an important choice to throw away her talent showed the extent of Waverly’s independence. As an adult, this independence persisted. Waverly told her mother that she was going to marry a man that she knew her mother did not like (Tan 181). Waverly fully knew that her mother did not approve of her fiancé, and she did not care. She blatantly told her mother about her decision to marry him, even without her mother’s support. Waverly’s independence is shown because she feels at ease with both of her decisions, and is content in them, even if no one else agrees with her.

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An’mei’s mother sacrificed her own life to save the dignity of her daughter. An-mei is still too young to understand the intention behind her mother’s seemingly selfish action right away, but she begins to ponder, “why else did she die two days before the lunar new year? Why else did she plan her death so carefully that it became a weapon?” (Tan, 271). An-mei’s mother suffered a painful suicide by an overdose of opium in a strategic manner in order to secure respect for her daughter in the eyes of both her husband and his other wives. She made a point to make clear her intentions to An-mei by reassuring that “she would rather kill her own weak spirit so she could give me a stronger one” (Tan, 271). It is the time at which she decided to commit such a grave act that is so significant in the restoration of An-mei’s dignity. In the Chinese culture, it is understood “that on the third day after someone dies, the soul comes back to settle scores. In my mother’s case, this would be on the first day of the lunar new year. And because it is the lunar new year, all debts must be paid, or disaster and misfortune will follow” (Tan, 272). Wu Tsing’s, An-mei’s stepfather’s, fear of an end to his great fortune motivated a changed opinion of An-mei. He now took priority in showing her great respect, which pushed his other wives to emulate this behavior. An-mei’s mother went through with the greatest sacrifice humanity can offer: one’s life. Her commitment to saving her daughter proves the genuine, profound love she possessed. This love could never have been understood to the level of its authenticity without the sacrifice brought forth.

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Next, in Lindo and Waverly's relationship, Lindo's ideas about Waverly's chess successes and her daughter's marriage to Rick are not portrayed in a way that reflect positive intention.  Beginning as a child, Waverly questioned her mother’s motivation behind showing her off in public as a chess champion. Waverly can recall “I had to accompany my mother on Saturday market days when I had no tournament to play. My mother would proudly walk with me, visiting many shops, buying very little. ‘This is my daughter Wave-ly Jong’ she said to whoever looked her way” (Tan 101). Waverly, from a very young age, resents her mother for this behavior. She views it as her mother using her for her own personal gain. This stems from their lack of communication because of the dynamic of their relationship. Waverly is unable to speak up to her mother and her mother feels no desire to explain her thoughts to Waverly. This poor communication continues to grow a frail relationship. After criticizing Rick’s gift to Waverly, Lindo reveals her thoughts “That is why I worry” “You have a career, you are busy. You want to live like a mess, what can I say?” (Tan 186). It has been previously stated that Lindo has many concerns with her daughter’s relationship, but this is kept from Waverly until this vague revelation. Lindo can sense the troubles of the relationship but lacks the communication skills necessary to help her daughter understand her point of view. Without any explanation, Waverly is left to question the origin of her mother’s comments and how accurate they may really be. She has now gotten the idea that her mother doesn’t approve of the relationship but is unable to get past her mother’s passive aggressive conveyance.

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Waverly Jong, a conceited, former chess-champion, struggles to connect with her mother, Lindo Jong, and she exhibits the importance of being culturally educated when she introduces her mother as being from the wrong city. A compassionate and endearing mother-daughter relationship, as portrayed in hundreds of movies and books, is nowhere near similar to the relationship between Waverly and Lindo. When meeting her parents for dinner with her fiancé, Rich, Waverly mistakenly announces her mother to be from Taiwan while cracking a joke about the abundance of products she notices to be manufactured there (Tan, 202). Lindo becomes enraged, infuriated that her daughter would mistake Taiwan for her hometown, Taiyuan. While an effortless mistake to make, the difference between Taiwan and Taiyuan represents much more than just a spelling change; Lindo is heartbroken because she recognizes that Waverly does not consider their heritage to be of significance. However, when Waverly apologizes for her mistake, Lindo is given the chance to explain her culture to Waverly, and for the first time, Waverly begins to understand. Her eyes are opened to the true kind of person her mother is: “But in the brief instant that I had peered over the barriers I could finally see what was really there: an old woman, a wok for her armor, a knitting needle for her sword, getting a little crabby as she waited patiently for her daughter to invite her in” (Tan, 204). Waverly’s newfound knowledge of her culture proposes a fresh start for the relationship between her and Lindo. Because she pursues her heritage, Waverly deepens her connection with her mother.