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I am persistent

I wonder what the future holds

I hear clapping as I walk across the stage

I see a beautiful sunset

I want to make the right choices in life

I am persistent

I pretend to be strong at times

I feel hopeful and dreadful

I touch the hearts of the future

I worry for my future self

I cry at the hard truths

I am persistent

I understand that life is the way it is

I say, “it is what it is”

I dream of being a great teacher

I try my best

I hope the future is bright

I am persistent

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One of my growths is accepting non-standard English. I was raised in a household where my parent always corrected my English. We could not speak in a southern dialectic and would often be told not to speak that way. It is my instinct to correct others in my head. It makes me cringe a little bit, too, when I hear non-standard English. As I have grown into an adult, I understand now that language is a part of who we are. Language brings people together and keeps cultures united over land and sea. I am working my hardest to let my bias go and become a better teacher for my students.

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First day at Jones, student-teacher year 

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A personal strength of mine is open-mindedness. I try to be as open to other people and their opinions as much as I can. It allows for me to welcome different cultures and how others might act more efficiently.

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One of the most critical literary experiences I had was reading A Southerner's Reckoning with the Myth of the Lost Cause Robert E. Lee and Me by Ty Seidule. This book started a transformative look at the south for me as I am approaching teaching Georgia history. This book dives deep into the deep secrets of the South and its contradicting issues. This book directly impacts me because it discusses Walton county and social circle area, which is about 20 minutes from where I live. Having lived in the South my whole life, issues in this book are often not discussed and were revolutionary to me.

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Some books I have been reading lately or have on my list to read 

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My favorite literacy practice would be reading in my free time. There is nothing that gives me more joy than reading a book that I enjoy. I love books that discuss social justice or a good romance novel. I can read a good book in a day if time permits. I read a lot over the summer, and that was a great joy for me. Reading brings me the most joy because it prevents me from not scrolling on Instagram or Twitter.

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My literary practices

I engage in everyday practices by simply scrolling on Instagram every day. I read social posts, like tweets, and scroll through Snapchat stories. I read bulletin boards and engage in casual readings throughout the day. Those who say they never read do not recognize how much literature surrounds us every day.

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Fears of being white...are there any?

Is it fair to say I have fears when I am a white person? Of course, I fear death and the occasional school shooting, but these are acts that know no color. I do not fear the police or even another white person. I fear walking alone at night but not because I am white; because I am a woman. In this case, I am strictly discussing race. As a white person, I do not fear hate crimes or racial slurs. I have no fear of entering a room because I know another person of my color is already in the room.

but as a woman

I do fear for my safety. I fear my ability to say no and choose what I want to do to my body. I do fear the judgment that comes from an older white woman who will judge me for not having children. I am simply not doing "God's work."  I fear the day when I say No, and that is not enough. These fears know no color and can be even worse in other ethnic groups. As a white woman, even my fears are privileged.

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We have to be honest, do white people have culture? In this case, let us say we do; what does this consist of in today's society? In particular, we have to look at white southern culture and the beliefs and values that surround that culture. In white southern culture, there are strong values that I do not identify with, but they get associated with someone who looks like me.
Values of this culture (white southern) would be a religious female who does no wrong. They go to church twice a week, and more than likely have a boyfriend involved in the church. They are daddy's little girls that probably go hunting and are involved in local clubs. She does not cuss or drink and is very hospitable to all their guests. She is expected to marry young and start producing grandchildren as soon as possible.
The beliefs surrounding this culture are that God is number one and America is number two. Political leaders can do no wrong, and we should never question them. They believe strongly in the second amendment, and nothing can change that.
I say all this to say that white southern culture is very strong. It can be seen just driving down the road. Several people identify with this way of life and are happy to do so. As a young white female with parents from the North, this culture looks different to me. I have been in the south my whole life, but we never idolized these values growing up. I can recognize these values and beliefs but do not necessarily identify with them.

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The Miraculous Journey of Edward Tulane by Kate DiCamillo was among one of the first chapter books I ever read. I read this book in the third. I had moved from Gwinnett county to Jackson county. I have had this book ever since. I think it really sparked my love for reading and I remember so vividly how much I loved this book. I could read it over and over.

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My privileges:
I am a white woman. My parents are white and our ancestors are white. This comes with the obvious white privilege that every white person has at birth. I am a typical woman with brown hair and blue/green eyes. I do not stand out in any manner and this can be both good and bad. I probably will never be stopped by police for looking "suspicious" or be questioned in my motives for doing something that might seem out of the ordinary. I will never be questioned for pursuing college and choosing teaching as a lifestyle. It is my job as a white woman to "protect the children". I will never be seen as "aggressive" or "overbearing" when I am opinionated. My hairstyle never gets questions or wants to be touched. All of these characteristics allow me to glide through life with very little friction.

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I have discovered a lot about myself over the years. I know there is much more to discover, but this is what I know now.

I am a strong and independent woman. At times I can feel walked over, but we cannot all be strong all the time. I will always fight for what is right and fair for myself and others. I believe in the struggle; not all things can be handed to you on a silver platter; some things we have to break a sweat for. In the end, you have to know that no one cares what you are doing, so do whatever you feel like doing. I try my hardest to be positive, but sometimes reality seeps right through the cracks.

One of my favorite characteristics about myself is how honest I can be with myself and others. At times the truth is most needed to be pushed forward in life. On the other hand, we don't all need to hear the truth. We know the truth deep down inside. On that same note, one of my least favorite characteristics is how little empathy I feel for others. I can feel sympathy (a sense of pity) for others, but it is very challenging for me to feel empathy (you have compassion and understanding for their situation). I can be perceived as having a "no excuses" mindset for others.