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Hi, SAMPY DAMPY! I loved the concept of your piece and what it turned out to be. My favorite part was what ended up happening with the book. Something you could’ve done better was add some more detail to your writing.

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Ruby                                                                                   Em

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Ruby                                                                                   Em

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Hey sam, One thing I strongly enjoyed about your piece was the figurative language such as “ Meg was crying a trillion tears. The tears looked like a river rushing down her face.” These pieces of the story really show the reader that Meg really was crying from the soul. Another thing I liked was the word choice like “mysterious” and “ferocious ” . These words show that you really understand the task at hand and that you are an exquisite writer. On wish I have for you is to go over the spelling and grammar of your piece.   :))

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I liked how you said “Picture this, a little girl that had just moved to a new school sees that she has to wear a school uniform. The little girl was surprised that she had to wear a revolting uniform. The little girl loved picking her clothes for the day and expressing herself.” I thought that that was a good word choice.Another thing I saw in your essay that I liked was when you said: “this scenario shows how much emotion kids can go through just for having to wear a uniform. These kids don’t get a choice if they want to wear them or not, they are just forced to wear them and it's so cruel.” A wish I would have you edit is the title because you wrote “Then end of uniforms” rather than “The end of uniforms” or “Then end uniforms”  just a little something to consider.

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Hi Sam, as I was reading I noticed one good thing you did was your persuasive words, and the way you use certain words to make it sound better. Throughout the essay the words were really good and picked well, and it really made me want to be on your side on this debate on uniforms. Another thing you did well was your anecdote, on all of your warrants you had a really good and descriptive anecdote. But one wish is that in your second warrant you used “I” but that is my only wish other then that its really good and you should be proud.

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Hi Sam! A strength of your essay is how much detail your intro paragraph and your conclusion paragraph. Your body paragraphs were also really detailed but not as much as the intro and conclusion. In addition, how you wrote the essay was just phenomenal. However, you could’ve improved on some of your claims and your reasons but other than that everything is amazing.

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Hi Sammy One of the things you did really well in your peace was you put your punctuation where it needed to be and in the right place. You also liked how you started with “picture this” my one wish is that maybe you capfuls add more of a fun zinger.

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Hi Sam, I loved how you engaged the reader with the story in the beginning saying “Do principals enjoy seeing or hearing kids talk about how much they hate their uniform?” Another thing I liked Was when you said “Given the information noted, this matters because some kids could be getting hurt because they are forced to wear a uniform.” It really showed how uniforms don’t stop fighting in schools but many more fights will happen because of the uniforms. One wish I could offer is that when you said “The little girl cries over the uniform because she really doesn't want to wear it. Also to her the uniform looks ugly.” This could maybe you can spice 🌶 it up a little by saying something like “Tears pour down the little girl's eyes because she wants to burn up the hideous outfit.” This could give an example of emotions that the girl is feeling. :)🌶🌶🌶🌶

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Nice job tall Sam! I am sure you found your sister because your rhyming powers. Sam saw swimmers on Sunday. There was a slight typo you might want to check though. It said “my mom told me to stay at the table so I would get lost”. Stay tall!

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A 2nd Wild Tommy M appears! (Check cjs memoir for the 1st)

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A 2nd Wild Tommy M appears! (Check cjs memoir for the 1st)

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Very nice word choice! I really like the moment you realized that your sister was missing and how you immediately got to searching, no second thoughts just gotta find that sibling! I also like the descriptive word choice for how you described what you were feeling on the inside and outside, they were mixed perfectly. But i do believe you could improve the emotions you were feeling like “Sadness crawling around my body emerges from my head cover my body, first my face tears up and next I’m shaking” i think that would be pretty cool, just a opinion though.

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My first star is all the similes and metaphors. They were great, my favorite was they were race horses. Also the amount of them you had was great, they really helped me understand either how you felt or how something looked. My second star is the detail, you really explain how someone or something is. Especially when you were sitting down and talking about what you saw and heard. My favorite detail was the gunshot water slide. My one wish is that i thought the beginning was lacking some detail, i thought maybe it would be better if you described it more.

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A strength of your memoir is how you described where you were and what was happening in the moment until you lost your sister.  I love the description at the beginning.  I can see everything that is happening in my head.  Another one of your strengths is how you were feeling.  I really enjoyed how you explained your emotions while your sister got lost.  I would probably feel the exact same why if my sister got lost.  Something I wish you did was explain what it was like for her and what else she felt.

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One of the things i liked about your memoir was when you described how scared you were and not a lot of the others i read really described how much you were scared. I also liked the way you described how the water park looked it felt like i was there with you. No wish.

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A good part of your memoir is when you said I can’t get mind of lucie.  Another part of your memoir is your sensory details. One thing i would change in your memoir is your figurative language good job.

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When I was reading your piece I thought I was in the moment with you. It felt like I was crying with you. In addition, I like that you added a lot of emotions in there too. “ Her black one piece bathing suit was the perfect color of what I was feeling”, that was a great emotion.

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sams writing wonders. I like how you really described your words and I also liked how you don’t like homework. I don't like it either. I also liked how you. Describe your likes and dislikes. But I don’t think you should use also so much i make that same mistake to some times.

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A strength in you about me is your quote. I absolutely love your quote, “GET OUT OF MY SWAMP”-Shrek. That’s the best quote ever. In addition, I love your word choice, your cranky when you get up, and so am I. The red hot takis are also delicious with the orange cheesy Doritos.