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Hauser on Late Night with Seth Meyers about her new book Family of Origin A Novel.

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"I’m not a person who writes a ton of nonfiction. Every once in a while, I feel like I can’t do the next fiction project until I get something off my chest. Perhaps that is what was going on here. I came up as a writer idolizing the voices I was told were good and powerful."

Hauser had said this herself about writing "The Crane Wife". It sounds like she is writing from a personal experiance which gives this story a bigger meaning.

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Even now I hear the words as shameful: Thirsty. Needy. The worst things a woman can be. Some days I still tell myself to take what is offered, because if it isn’t enough, it is I who wants too much. I am ashamed to be writing about this instead of writing about the whooping cranes, or literal famines, or any of the truer needs of the world. (Hauser)

Citation #6

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He said he wanted to be with me because I wasn’t annoying or needy. Because I liked beer. Because I was low-maintenance.

I didn’t say anything. A little further down the road he added that he thought I’d make a good mother.

This wasn’t what I hoped he would say. But it was what was being offered. And who was I to want more?

I didn’t leave when he said that the woman he had cheated on me with had told him over the phone that she thought it was unfair that I didn’t want them to be friends anymore, and could they still?

Ciation #5

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"He hadn’t said one specific thing about me or us during the proposal, and on the long trail walk out of the park I felt robbed of the kind of special declaration I’d hoped a proposal would entail, and, in spite of hating myself for wanting this, hating myself more for fishing for it" (Hauser)

Citation #4

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“This [society’s] narrative of what it means to look like a strong woman needs to be wider and more inclusive. There are some things that we want, and we wish we didn’t want them, but we do, and to deny that we want them would be crazy. They’re not going to go away just because they seem inconvenient or unflattering” (Reardon).

In this article, Hauser is explaining to Reardon that strong, independent women still have needs. An example referenced in “The Crane Wife” is the idea that just because a woman wants to feel loved does not mean that she is needy or dependent. Showing emotion is in many people’s minds a sign of weakness when in reality it just shows that everyone has needs.
(Citation #4)

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Sanderson: '“I don’t know, who’s going to listen to me for eight pages?”'

Hauser: 'And I sort of flipped my lid. Here’s Infinite Jest. Here’s Paul Auster’s 4 3 2 1. Here are all these epic, huge books by men, and I plopped them on the floor and said, “People listen to them for thousands of pages. You can take up eight pages. Just take up that space”' (Reardon).

When one of Hauser’s talented students, Lauren Sanderson, questioned whether anyone would be interested in her writing, Hauser assured Lauren that she was worth eight pages. Sanderson's insecurity in her writing mimicked Hauser's timidity in her past relationship.
(Citation #4)

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“I think I was afraid that if I called off my wedding I was going to ruin myself. That doing it would disfigure the story of my life in some irredeemable way… What I understood on the other side of my decision, on the gulf, was that there was no such thing as ruining yourself. There are ways to be wounded and ways to survive those wounds, but no one can survive denying their own needs. To be a crane-wife is unsustainable” (Hauser).

Hauser realizes after years of compromises and emotional torture that it is ok to have needs. The thought of calling off the wedding was preposterous to her at first because she was convinced that it would destroy her life. She then recognizes that life with her fiancé would be more devastating than calling off their wedding ever could be.
(Citation #1)

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While reading “The Crane Wife,” the reader sees how determined Hauser was to make her relationship work. Women are expected to be in a relationship, get married, have kids, and live a long life with their special person. The idea behind this is great, and those who have that life are blessed. Hauser wanted this life so badly that she was willing to sacrifice her happiness for it. She hoped for years that if she just learned to be content with her relationship that she would eventually be happy.

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In “The Crane Wife,” CJ Hauser exposes her relationship with her fiancé to show the reader the standard that has been set by our society for women in relationships. Women are expected to comply with their husband’s wishes in every circumstance, not to question any of his decisions, clean the house, cook and bake whenever asked, accept compliments and criticism regardless of motive or context, and offer their opinion whenever they are asked. When women are self-confident and opinionated, they are labeled as “bossy” or “overbearing” even though men are praised for “having a good head on their shoulders” with the same qualities.

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“More than once I’d said to my fiancé, How am I supposed to know you love me if you’re never affectionate or say nice things or say that you love me.

He reminded me that he’d said “I love you” once or twice before. Why couldn’t I just know that he did in perpetuity?

I told him this was like us going on a hiking trip and him telling me he had water in his backpack but not ever giving it to me and then wondering why I was still thirsty.

He told me water wasn’t like love, and he was right” (Hauser).

Even though Hauser’s emotional needs were basic, her fiancé not only refused to meet them but would also gaslight her for wanting anything from him. Instead of being the emotional support that she longed for he consistently chose to make her feel like less of a person.
(Citation #1)

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Hauser took this picture while in Texas on the scientific expedition that she wrote about in "The Crane Wife." Although she was experiencing many different emotions during this trip, one can see her newfound relief and happiness in this picture.

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“I had arrived in my thirties believing that to need things from others made you weak. I think this is true for lots of people but I think it is especially true for women. When men desire things they are “passionate.” When they feel they have not received something they need they are “deprived,” or even “emasculated,” and given permission for all sorts of behavior. But when a woman needs she is needy. She is meant to contain within her own self everything necessary to be happy” (Hauser).

The gender of a person should not change someone else’s perspective of what he is going through. Sadly, people succumb to this view purely because that is the way so many people have been taught to think.
(Citation #1)

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“I need you to know: I hated that I needed more than this from him. There is nothing more humiliating to me than my own desires. Nothing that makes me hate myself more than being burdensome and less than self-sufficient. I did not want to feel like the kind of nagging woman who might exist in a sit-com” (Hauser).

Hauser communicates directly with the reader pleading with him to understand her situation. Wanting nothing more than her fiancé’s few words to suffice, she knew that his emotional support, or lack thereof, would never be enough to comfort her.
(Citation #1)

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"And in the thick of our celebrations, I realized how sad it was that I’d bet so low. That I wouldn’t even let myself imagine receiving as much as I’d hoped for" (Hauser).

Hauser's relationship took away her acceptance of herself. She was continuously shamed for needing more and praised for being "easy." When she was with the biologist, during the Whooping Crane field research, they put a bet on how many pigs they might see on the way out of the reserve. Hauser said four pigs, while a fellow member said 20 pigs. She saw this as "optimistically, too high" (Hauser). The situation relates to the same idea of her needs; her wanting the bare minimum was asking too much in her thoughts.
(Citation #1)

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"Even now I hear the words as shameful: Thirsty. Needy. The worst things a woman can be. (Hauser).

Since Hauser has been with her fiance and his family, she has been conditioned in believing that a woman's emotional needs are less than a man's. When she thinks of expressing her wants for more verbal love and more consideration, her conditioned thoughts diminish it entirely for being bad and ridiculous.
(Citation #1)

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"He said he wanted to be with me because I wasn’t annoying or needy. Because I liked beer. Because I was low-maintenance" (Hauser).

Hauser was able to identify that her wants and needs were seen as an annoyance for her fiance, therefore she stopped herself from expressing them. She formed her personality to be more manly and expressed this by enjoying beer, a common male-dominated drink. Her fiance applauds this behavior because she is easier for him to deal with, without the "annoying" and "needy" womanly traits.
(Citation #1)

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“The Crane Wife” by C.J. Hauser challenges the social stigma labeling women burdensome for having emotional needs.

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"There are worse things than not receiving love. There are sadder stories than this" (Hauser).

This quote indicates that Hauser constantly rationalizes her fiance's actions. She is unable to see how toxic her relationship is due to an unmet need for approval that she is doing something right. When you are consistently gratified for doing the "right" thing, you start to believe it actually is the right thing to do.
(Citation #1)

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1. Hauser, CJ. "The Crane Wife." The Paris Review, 16 July. 2019, www.theparisreview.org/blog/2019/07/14/the-crane-wife. Accessed 1 October 2021.

2. Taggart, Shannon." CJ Hauser." Penguin Random House, www.penguinrandomhouse.com/authors/2189938/cj-hauser.

3. "Hunca Munca Mouse Cleaning inspired by Beatrix Potter Counted Cross Stitch Pattern." Orenco Originals, www.orencoorginals.net/products/hunca-munca-mouse-cleaning-inspired-by-beatrix-potter-counted-cross-stitch-digital.

4. Reardon, Amy. "'The Past Is No Reason Not To Eat Sandwiches': A Conversation With CJ Hauser." The Adroit Journal, 2 Oct. 2019, theadroitjournal.org/2019/10/02-the-past-is-no-reason-not-to-eat-sandwiches-a-conversation-with-cj-hauser.

5. Hauser, CJ. "Crane Shot: Professor CJ Hauser on Researching Research for Her Novel Family of Origin." Colgate Research, 2 July 2019, https://news.colgate.edu/researchmagazine/2019/07/crane-shot-professor-cj-hauser-on-researching-research-for-her-novel-family-of-origin.html/. Accessed 30 September 2021.

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Photo of Hunca Munca from "Peter Rabbit & Friends" by Beatrix Potter- Citation #3

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"I chose Squirrel Nutkin, a squirrel with a blazing red tail—an epic, adventuresome figure who ultimately loses his tail as the price for his daring and pride (Hauser)."

"Instead, I found a mouse. A mouse in a pink dress and apron. A mouse holding a broom and dustpan, serious about sweeping (Hauser)."

Hauser wanted to be seen as a strong woman but ultimately was put in a sensible woman's position by not only her fiance but his family. The mouse is almost the exact opposite of the squirrel, and Hauser had noticed that key aspect. All of these small details gave her the strength to call off the marriage for her own emotional safety. Later, Hauser has said that Twitter brought knowledge to Hunca Munca as being a "badass of a woman." *
(Citation #1)
(Citation #4) *

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Every morning, the crane-wife is exhausted, but she is a woman again. To keep becoming a woman is so much self-erasing work. She never sleeps. She plucks out all her feathers, one by one.(Hauser)

Citation #3

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"Why did I need to know that we’d been monogamous? Why did I need to have and discuss inconvenient feelings about this ancient history?

I would not be a woman who needed these things, I decided.

I would need less. And less.

I got very good at this." (Hauser)

Citation #2

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"What I learned to do, in my relationship with my fiancé, was to survive on less. At what should have been the breaking point but wasn’t" (Hauser)

Citation#1

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Photograph of CJ Hauser for her most recent work " The Family of Origin," published in 2019.