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BUTTT JUS IN CASE.
Add my snap- brxttt.shaishai
Or my discord - Shai.So.Pretty#9433
My freaky discord ;) - 𝓢𝓱𝓪𝓲#4017
I'm always active on those.
AND if any of those do not workkk for youu.
Email me. Lmao Shailynn948@gmail.com

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been a while

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Lets try this actually being active thing a g a i n.

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Lets try this actually being active thing a g a i n.

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I really wanna go back in the day when hard work and being kind really did pay.

I really wanna go back to when I didn't have to worry about whether he liked me or not to when I didn't have to be worried about being labeled a thot.

I really wanna go back to when my hair was just my hair and a stare was simply just a stare.

I really wanna go back to when everything seemed fair and to be honest I didn't give care.

I just want to go back to when I was innocent.

That's ok though because now I realize I just have to push through and finish it.

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Swear I jus wanna get over this feeling
Swear I'm tired of getting by by jus dealing
Swear I need something new in my life
Swear I need to let go of the knife
Swear there's water in my lungs
Swear his niceness speaks like different tongues
Swear I don't even know what I'm doing at this point

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Mundo Shoy - "How Im Feeling" | Shot By @Shooter.Co

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No Guidance - REMERS Version (Official Video)

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Chris Jedi, Anuel AA, Chencho Corleone, Ñengo Flow - La Llevo Al Cielo

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14. Zion - Periodico de ayer (Audio Oficial) [The Perfect Melody]

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S L I P P I N G
Right out of My grasp.
Right Before My eyes.
Right in front of My Face.
You're slipping and I know it
You're slipping and I can feel it
You're slipping and I'm worried about you
You're slipping and I need you
You're slipping and I'm begging you to stay
You're slipping and I'm hoping today won't be your last day
You're slipping and I'm starting to slip too
You're slipping and I hope you know I love you
You're slipping and you doubt everything
You're slipping and it's breaking me
You're slipping and and
You're slipping and I'm scared
You're slipping and...I can't lose you
You're slipping out my grasp
Slipping right in front of my eyes

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Chapter one of "The life" Escape (Roses point of view)

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Chapter one of "The life" Escape (Roses point of view)

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I watched as it dropped.  The only thing my Mom truly cared about slipped from my fingers. It seemed as if everything was slower. I tried to catch it but it just wasn't happening. “Great” I thought “This is one thing she’ll never get over. What am I going to do now!”  I looked around and  there was no getting out of this. Unless, I shivered at the thought but it was the only way I knew now. I had made my decision. I ran upstairs and packed some clothes and  books. I ran back down and grabbed a few non-perishable food items, my phone, her portable charger, and my charger and put them in my bookbag and a few other things. I checked the list in my head again. One other thing I would need. One thing everyone needs. Money….. And the note. I scribbled Sthe note down. Now would be the hard part. I walked into their room, went to the safe, put the code in and emptied it into my bag. There should be about $150,000 in there. That would be enough. I went through the house again to see if I needed or wanted. I grabbed a picture of all of us, an empty journal and 3 pens. One last check I ran through the house again. I didn't want to admit that I was scared to leave but I was. Protection! That's what I forgot. I grabbed a pocket knife that I was all too familiar with, put it in my pocket, and finally left and locked the door. I put the key in the mailbox. Taped the note to the door and walked away. I cried as I left but this was for the best.

“Hey!” This is what I woke up to. I didn't realize it yet but I was on a bus. I panicked as I came to the realization. “I fell asleep!”. I jumped up and looked out the window. “Where are we?”, I asked. This was the first time I had looked at the person who woke me up. It was a girl around my age with short red=ish orange-ish hair and bright green eyes. She had a fierce “I don’t take Shit” look. She replied,” I’m not exactly sure either..? I just wanted to make sure you were ok and if u needed to get off you could” I analyzed her again. She was clearly nice and cared about others but she also knew not to be “too nice” so she wouldn't be taken advantage of. It was admirable. I had been staring off as she responded and as I was thinking. I shook my head and said,'' Thank you” I smiled slightly, “I am ok I’m not sure where I am headed so I don’t care where I get off..”  Then stood up and walked to the front of the bus and asked the driver, “ Excuse me sir, Where are we?” He replied with a gruff voice,” Maynard” I thought for a moment and said,”Thank you!” with as much of a smile as I could manage and walked back to my seat.

I rummaged through my bookbag looking for my journal and a pen then decided against it and grabbed my phone to see if it was charged enough or if I needed to charge it and the battery while I was on the bus. I plugged my phone in and then charged both portable batteries. I glanced at the girl a few times during this process. She was writing in what looked to be a journal but who’s to say what it was. I analyzed some other people on the bus. I wondered where I was going to get off. I reached behind me and tapped her leg. She looked up at me. “Yes?” I thought for a moment then realized I hadn't thought this through. “Yes?”, She said again. I replied with an unsteady voice,”Where are you headed?” She stared at me. It almost felt as if she was looking through me. I shivered and looked towards the ground. I looked back at her after a few seconds. She looked baffled like she didn't really know what to say  or where she was going or even why I would ask. She opened her mouth as if to respond then closed it. She repeated this several times then finally said,”I am not sure where I’m headed either.”. This surprised me; she seemed as if she was the type of person who knew where they were going and didn’t just “wing it”. My mouth hung open but just for a moment then I caught myself and thought “Rule Number 1.Don't show what you feel or what you're thinking.”. My face went blank. I looked up at her, I was having a hard time comprehending this new piece of information that didn’t fit into the story I had come up with. To evaporate the awkwardness I decided to just get to know her, to fix the story...fill in the blanks. After clearing my throat I asked,”What is your name?” She thought for just a moment,”Elizabeth but I liked to be called Eliza. What about your’s?”. I wondered for a second if that was her name I decided it was and then pondered if I would tell her mine? I would tell her my name no reason not to because she was not a threat to me and hopefully she wouldn’t become one. “Rosetta, but just call me Rose, I hate my name.”  She looked at me thoughtfully “It is a pretty name.”. I turned back around in my seat. Just at that moment I had a vision. In the vision this girl was with me at a gas station we had snacks and different clothes on. When I came back to reality, I gasped and jumped out of my seat. I took a few deep breaths. What did this mean? Would we become friends? Was she a runaway? Were our situations similar? When was this? Why weren't we in the U.S? I could feel her eyes on me. I turned to look at her hesitantly. I couldn't hold her gaze and turned back around. She chuckled and then tapped my shoulder. I turned to her but didn't exactly make eye contact “Yea?”. She smiled at this. I didn’t exactly know what made me act like this. Usually I never was “embarrassed” or “intimidated” by someone but this girl made me feel lesser than I already knew I was. I turned around. I thought of greek mythology for a minute. She was like the goddess I was supposed to worship but it was all too confusing...What made her different from any other girl I came in contact with? The question was all over my face I could tell. Once again I had slipped up. Once again it involved talking to her. I would have to think about this later. When I fell back asleep”. I chuckled to myself at the thought of “going to sleep”. I snuck a look at Eliza again. I'll also call her by her name. She was still staring at me. I looked away. It was a nice name. It had a I didn’t know what to call it. My thoughts started racing. What was I going to do? Where was I going? Why was I wasting my time on this bus? Why did it seem like she had a hold over me? What did that vision mean? Was it going to happen? I checked my phone. I had many missed calls and text messages that would not be answered but I still checked them. A few of them interested me but not enough for me to answer them. Once again I felt her looking at me. I was so tempted to turn but forced myself not to. I couldn’t show her the power she had over me. I couldn’t let her hold power over me. This was going to be a hard fight but I would keep it on the inside. Maybe I shouldn't fight it or should I? I was looking out of the window for a while when all of a sudden she was next to me. I looked over at her and attempted to smile. She said,”Why are you on this bus? I can see a distressed soul from afar.” I ponder this. What to say? I realized I couldn’t lie to her and I didnt even know why. This was getting worse. My thoughts scrambled again as she cleared her throat. Just because I couldn't...didn't want to lie to her didn't mean I had to tell her the truth. “I don’t know actually. I could be anywhere else but I’m here?” I replied in a questioning tone. Honestly I didn’t know why I was here. On this bus.  Or Why I hadn't gotten off yet? I looked out the window then at her through my peripheral vision. She caught me and chuckled. I screamed in my head. Why was I embarrassing myself? “Ok act cool” I thought to myself. Why did her opinion matter anyway? Outside the sun was setting and the sky was the most majestic color. It calmed me and made me smile. I grabbed some Peanut butter and crackers out of my book bag and had a few. I snuck glances at the girl and the way the light shone on her was Insane! It was amazing! I slowly put a new story together for her. I got up and went to the bathroom. I never knew Coach buses had showers? Well it couldn't hurt to take one. Good Thing I packed a few sets of clothes. I took a shower the next stop I would go and buy some tolitteries. I decided I wouldn’t get off the bus until she did and if she had a home I would just stay at the closest hotel. Why was I doing this again? I didn’t know? Eh whatever she was a nice person.

I had long ago realized that I always buried my feelings and only knew what was on the surface. I walked back to my seat.

Looked at her and she was asleep. I smiled my second real smile in a long time. Maybe this would be a good thing. I sat back in my seat and closed my eyes. Sometimes not sleeping was a bad thing, like right now. What would I do while everyone on the bus was asleep? I couldn’t be awake because eventually someone would see me awake. For now I will just read. I had read and watched Eliza through the night. I took a shower really early in the morning.  I had bought some toiletries that night when the driver stopped to rest. The days passed with more embarrassment and long nights of staying up reading and watching her. She had such a peaceful inviting smile it had to be her biggest weapon. She always talked to me and I always made a fool of myself.

I wrote down what I knew about her: Name: Eliza short for Elizabeth Favorite color:Red Favorite book series:Harry Potter She didn’t know where she was headed. She was sweet and very nice. She had this sense when I was lying. She had red hair and green eyes. She had cast a spell on me. (This was my best conclusion of why I was so attracted to her. I thought she could possibly be a witch. Anything Is possible.)  After a week and a half Eliza got off the bus and I followed. She said to me.”Why are you following me?” I didn't know what to say to this so I simply replied,” You shouldn't have cast a spell on me”. Smiling, she said,” You think I cast a spell on you!”  “I sure do Ma’dam.” She thought and started walking north. So I asked,”Do you have any particular plans?” “No and Why do you think I would cast a spell on you?” I laughed and replied,”You don't deny the fact you are a witch you just ask why?” “Well, yeah.”, she said. This was going to be an interesting conversation. I paused as a vision came along. It was her and me being attacked by...a person in a black cloak she was a witch! She used her magic to confine them. I gasped as I came to reality. After I pulled myself and my thoughts together. I stared at her. I whispered, “You are a witch!”. She didn’t seem fazed at my inquiry. “And you are a vamp who hasn't fed in days” “How-?” She chuckled and said.” You don't sleep. You are on the run from I don't know what. You don’t answer any texts or calls you get and you force down human food. Also you are immensely attractive!” My eyes widened, “First off I am not attractive, second off How did you know That I was forcing the food down and that I haven’t fed in days?” She looked at me like really,” Your eyes tell it all sister and What is with you and that stupid blank expression!” It was my turn to smile,”So it works? And I will have to invest in contacts. I forgot about the whole eye change color thing.” We continued walking North throughout this conversation. I asked her,”Why are you on the run?” She trusted me because she explained how the police were after her and that she couldn't stay with her parents who were overprotective and fully human.  “Oh I see.” Was the only thing I could come up with. “Now I’ve explained my story: Why are you on the run and from who?” I sighed as I explained to her the story of my adoption and mistreatment and what had happened with my mom's stuff. She copied the same “Oh I see”.  “Yea..” I replied ``We walked in silence for a while then she asked me,”When are you going to feed?” This was an unexpected question that I didn't know the answer to. So I played it off with a shrug. She said,”Well you need to before something happens and you can't control it.”  I nodded my head along to get out of answering. She drove a hard bargain and didn't let me get away with anything. I laughed to myself.

We reached a hotel.  I followed her in. We both walked up to the desk. I asked her,” Are we getting separate rooms or a room together with two beds?” She hesitated,”Uhh I guess we could get a room together. It's not a big deal to me as long as you don't eat me” I laughed at this “Me eat you? You cast a spell on me and analyzed a secret I have been holding in my whole life for a week and a half. I'm not going to eat you. I need you but I am very thirsty….” I surveyed the hotel as we got to the front of the line that had formed. They had a few cameras but not too many and there was security.

This was a nice hotel. I let her do the talking but when she said we would pay with a check I asked if we could talk for a sec. I told her about the money I had. She told me the check would be real and how she had a credit card that she was cashing it off of and that we could put the money I had on the card If I wanted. We went back to the counter and she finished making arrangements and then asked for a map.  “Thanks” I said as we walked to the elevator. We got to our room. It was really nice with a bathroom, a kitchen, a bedroom with two beds and a living room area. I unpacked my clothes and put them in one of the dressers they had in the room. She had like one set of clothes. “Do you want to go shopping and put this money on the card?” I asked her.  She nodded her head in agreement. I grabbed her hand and teleported to an alley way about a block away from the mall. We put the money on the card and went crazy shopping. It was so much fun. As I watched her go from outfit to outfit I realized How cute she was. Her red hair and green eyes just went together. She was very pretty and her voice was incredibly settling. It was like each word she spoke was carefully picked and said. By the time we left we had so many bags it was unbelievable. I couldn't even believe we were carrying them. We got back to the hotel, put everything away, then went out so I could feed and so she would have food to eat. We walked around looking for a nice place to eat and just getting familiar with the place. It was a beautiful place and there were lots of good smelling people.Blood type A sweet. I was in the zone. I  shook my head to get out of it and continued walking past all these people. It was hard but doable. I held my breath. “Keep up the act” I told myself “Don't let go” I managed to stay by her side. How long has it  been since I last fed? At least two months. I couldn't lose control. I saw a nice looking restaurant and pointed to it. “How about there?” I asked, still holding my breath. She looked at me as she nodded her head. “How about we take out? You don't look too hot.” I nodded at her. I knew if I talked now I would breathe. It was a habit and I couldn't take it there were too many people. My nose was burning and the venom was flowing in my mouth. I clenched my teeth. My insides were screaming at me. I stood there trying to regain control. I walked to her quickly and grabbed her arm. No! She was so warm and the blood flowed through her veins… Such a stupid decision. Why the fuck did I grab her?! I tried to let go but my mind and my body were not working together anymore. I wanted to sink my teeth in her soft skin. I was screaming at myself to get off of her. She clearly didn't know what to do to get me off neither did I honestly. I looked up at her and compelled her to get as far away from me as possible. She pushed me off of her and ran into the restaurant. I teleported to a safe place and I sat there crying. I almost bit her! I couldn't stay with her. I couldn't risk her life! I found a homeless person and led them away from everyone else and fed. It wasn’t pretty and I needed another person. One person wouldnt do it this time. I led three more away from everyone else and fed again. I had almost lost control! I tped to the hotel and grabbed my backpack, packed it and tped out of the room. I went to the restaurant and watched her as she opened the door to come out. I used my phone to take a picture of her and tped away. I wrote a message on  a page of my journal, ripped it out and tped it to her bed. I couldn't let that happen ever again. I got close to her and almost hurt her. This was a vicious cycle. Everyone I cared about either hurt me or got hurt by me. I couldn't risk that with her. I stared at her picture. I cried as I walked down the sidewalk. I put my phone away and looked up to see where I was going. I was still crying and trying to forget about her. Not to forget but just get her off my mind. I passed something and walked back. He was standing close to the wall. A vampire?! Or a Witch?!  He was hiding from something or someone because he was “invisible”. Not counting how I could see him, I was a vamp so I of course could see him. I grabbed his arm and tped to an empty field. “What are you doing kid?”. He was young. I wiped my face and got myself together as I waited for his answer. He just stood there with a confused look. I wanted to slap him but didn't.  My patience was running out so I screamed “What are you doing and who are you hiding from and why?!” He said,”How can you see me?” I ground my teeth and replied,”I am a vampire.” I bared my fangs and continued,” Vampires and witches can see whoever whenever they want. So even when you are invisible to other things I can see you.” I rolled my eyes as I finished. He thought for a moment and asked me,”Why did you leave?” This question caught me completely off guard. So I slapped him as hard as I could, sending him flying across the field. I growled at him then walked to him and lifted him by his neck. “Mind your own business!” I screamed at him. I dropped him and paced back and forth. “I could eat him….”I thought. He laughed at this. At this point I was pissed off. I Teleported him in the air and brought him close to me and bit his shoulder. “What are you?!” I roared. I let him bleed and grabbed the back of his neck and tped to the hotel room. I took off my jacket and backpack, set him in a chair, tied him up, then taped his mouth. Eliza was sitting on her bed crying. I didn't realize this at first but she was. I was too wrapped up in myself. I went to the kitchen and grabbed a knife and walked back to him. Eliza was out of her bed and standing in front of him. I tped her to her bed and slapped him once again. I held the knife to his neck and took the tape off of his mouth. “I will only ask you one more time. What are you?!” I saw his mouth open and close so I pressed the knife in his neck. “Don't think I won't do it!” I screamed in his ear. Eliza got up and pushed my hand away from his neck. “First off Quit your screaming we are in a hotel! Second off YOU LEFT ONLY LEAVING A NOTE BEHIND AND THEN YOU COME BACK WITH HIM!” Even now she choose her words with such precision it was so cute. I smiled accidentally and she slapped me. Her hand was so light it was hilarious but I had to hold it in. I wanted to apologize so bad but I didn't want to show her I cared. “I wanted to help him but I am probably not good enough for that so I will leave him to you….” I tped outside of the hotel. I cried as I left once again. Maybe I didn't need to leave, but I couldn’t risk it. I was a monster. I didn’t deserve to be around her but what if I was hurting her by leaving. I thought of her face when she was standing in front of me. I could see the tracks of her tears. Why was she crying? Was it because I left or because I almost bit her? Did she care or not? Should I go back or not? Would it even matter? Someone was watching me could feel them. I turned around. He was behind me. I growled at him then wiped the tears off my face and cleared my head of anything I didn't want him to know. “What do you want?!” I snarled. Burying my feelings wasn't new to me so that is what I did. I didn't want him to know I cared either that would ruin everything or would it? I shook my head, nothing he shouldn't know. He said,”You have already given me everything I need.”.  I growled and charged at him but he was faster; he showed me images of her after I left. I crashed to the ground as the images started flowing through my head one by one. I cried. She was devastated. She didn't know why I left and she blamed herself. I screamed internally. It was painful to feel what I made her feel and see it from his point of view. He let me back into reality. “Now you are going to go back there and tell her how you really feel. Or. I will do it for you” He smiled at the end of this. I growled at him. I didn't like the fact he had power over me or that he knew everything I was thinking and feeling. I sat up and just sat there. I closed my eyes and thought. I allowed myself to feel everything I had ever felt and allowed him to feel that same thing I allowed myself to think of my entire life and let him see that as well. Maybe If I just showed him he would understand the reason behind my logic. Why I didn't want her to care about me and Why I didn't want her to know I cared. I showed him how everyone left me and nothing good ever lasted and how everyone eventually left or finally realized I wasn’t good enough. How I felt each time this happened and my reaction. I showed him the pocket knife that I had repeatedly cut my arms and wrists with. I let him feel the same pain I did. Somewhere in this process I resumed crying. I let go of everything and let him in. When I was finally done I cleared my throat and asked,”Now do see Why it must be like this?” He was silent as I'm sure he was taking it all in still. I put my head on my knees as I waited for an answer. He finally replied,”Give it a chance and when you do I will show you something Ok? If you go back to the hotel and let her see just a tiny bit of how much you care I am sure you would be pleased at her reaction inside.”. I thought about this for a second and grabbed his arm and tped to the door to mine and Eliza’s hotel room and knocked on the door lightly. I heard sniffing and rummaging as she came to the door. She opened the door and I pulled her into a tight embrace. I took a deep breath and apologized in a quick rumble of words, “ I am so sorry I didn't mean to hurt you. I was just afraid of hurting you or being hurt so I thought it would just be easier to leave. I am so sorry.” She hugged me back and let out a deep breath. He showed me how she was feeling and the relief and passion she felt. I blushed as I saw this. I never knew a vampire could blush. He laughed behind me as I thought this. Suddenly I wanted to kiss her but I didn't. That was extremely dangerous but it was this indescribe sensation. As I looked up at her I couldn't stop myself from closing my eyes and kissing her. I was blushing like crazy as I pulled away. Her lips were so soft and warm. It was indescribable. I looked at her and she was blushing. He showed me what she was feeling and this made me blush more. She liked it as much as I did. She walked in and I walked in after her and the boy followed. I realized I didn't even know his name. I turned around and asked, stuttering the first few times,”Wh-What is your na-name?”  He replied,”Andrew but my friends call me Slip and before when I was invisible I was just hiding from my girlfriend we were playing hide and seek. ”  My eyes widened, “Oh my god I am so sorry she is probably wondering where you are. And you have a girlfriend at your age?”  He shrugged, “Yes, and at least she won't find me.” Me and Eliza laughed at this. “True” We said in unison. I blushed a bit and laughed. “So shall we go find her?” “Lets” he said smiling. I grabbed Eliza’s hand and pulled her a bit and she walked to my side and we walked outside to go find her. He laughed and said in my head,”Your bubbly feelings are hilarious and did you know that I could manipulate feelings as well?” My eyes widened. “You did what!!!?” He laughed out loud. I swiveled on my heels. “You!” He said,”I just intensed what you were already feeling.” I wanted to scream at him but I just turned around and cursed him out in my head because I knew he could hear me. Eliza said,”What are you talking about and What is your Girlfriend’s name?”  I would let him tell her if he wanted to and if not I didn’t really care. He said,”Her name is Alexis and Nothing we were talking about nothing.”  I rolled my eyes and continued walking. I thought of the Alexis I knew. What if this was the same person? I shrugged at this new idea. I asked him how he developed his powers in my head and what exactly was he? He said that he goes to school for mythical creatures aka vampires, witches and werewolves etc. and he was an empath.  This was surprising. I thought about if me and ElIza went to this school. Would we be accepted since we were runaways? Was it close? Would we have our own rooms or would we share one?  How many kids actually went there? There were so many unknowns and yet it was fascinating that a school for us existed and it hadn't been found out. “Does your girlfriend go to that school as well?” I said aloud. “Yes,” He replied. “How does it work?” I asked. “We share a room but there are separate beds. There is a headmaster there and her assistant. It was funded by the headmaster for her daughter's protection.” he replied. I nodded my head.  He continued,”And yes both of you are already very powerful but your powers of course can always grow.” I looked at Eliza to see her reaction. Her face was conflicted but her eyes danced with excitement at this. I smiled and grabbed both of their hands and tped to Alexis. We wound up in a coffee shop. I let go of his hand and slowly forced myself to let go of hers. He walked up behind Alexis and tapped her shoulder. She turned around abruptly and laughed. “Ha I found you!” She said and got up and kissed him. I turned away from this. “Gross” I thought. I wondered what Eliza was thinking. He turned around and then said,”Technically I found you and this is uhh idk her name but she” He pointed at me “found me when I was hiding from you and bit me in rage because I didn't answer her questions right away and she was already very angry already but calm down because we solved it and this'' he pointed at Eliza “is her partner? I guess I’ll say partner in crime” he said then whispered,”partners and lovers you see I had to tell her how she actually felt and the other one was taken off guard that that on” he pointed at me “actually cared for her” “So” He said “long story short I just saved lives and hearts.” He said while smiling. She laughed at this and said,”Young love is always worth saving” I blushed a bit and asked in my head what she was? He said aloud “She is a werewolf. A very cute werewolf” I rolled my eyes. Then me and Eliza replied in unison,”Gross!”.  I screamed internally. Why was Eliza so cute and why did she have to think the same thing as me and say it? I blanked my face. Eliza back slapped my arm and said,”Didn't I tell you to stop doing that!” “Doing What!” I responded. She glared at me but not intensely,”You know what, quit doing that blank face shit”.  “Oh.” I said and bit my lip intensely. I zoned out into my thoughts as Eliza and Alexis were doing introductions.  Next thing I knew my lip was bleeding and Eliza was tapping my shoulder. “Hello earth to Rose!” I almost snarled at her and then caught myself as I realized who it was. “S-sorry Just thinking” I said almost bashfully. She wiped the blood from my lip. “You must be thinking hard…” she said.  I blushed as her finger grazed my skin. Her hand was so warm and soft. I continued biting my lip unconsciously. She almost whispered,”Stop, don't do that.” I stopped and looked up at her.  Out of the corner of my eye I saw Slip nudge Alexis and chuckle. I stutterd my next words out,”T-thank you! I didn't even realize I was doing it. S-sorry”  She just nodded her head and wiped the blood off of her finger. Why was I acting like this?! I screamed at myself. Out of habit I blanked my face to hide what I was thinking.  I didn't want it to be like this so why was it? I realized I couldn't always have my feelings one-hundred percent under control and that it was probably natural for someone to feel like this. “Just get used to it”. I told myself. Out of the blue I felt calm and collected. I glared at Slip. “Fuck you” I snarled. He laughed and I felt calm and collected again. I would just have to deal with his manipulation. I looked over at Eliza, her face was so adorable and just so cute. I asked,”So what's next?” She looked at Slip and Alexis then at me.

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Jadiel El Incomparable - Quiere Janguiar (new 2009_____)

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As I sit here in my room...and try to let the silence around me fill my loud head....I want to pick it up...and slit my wrists so deep i'll bleed out before anyone notices my absence... god i wanna do it so so bad....so imma waste my time here...before i can convince myself otherwise...i don't really know what to write...so...maybe i'll try writing a poem..anything to let the time...pass....but first i have to get dressed...i can't keep looking at my skin...if i layer up about 4 times...i prolly be too lazy to roll back all the sleeves....and at some point i won't be able to- so...two long sleeve shirts and two sweatshirts should be goood for now

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I'm terrified...like...actually terrified...

Terrified that even though everything seems so okay that it's all falling apart and I can't control it

I'm terrified that maybe I shouldn't be holding everything in because now it gets worse

I feel bad for lying but feel okay for not having to always be so sad even if I am just pretending to be happy

I feel like even though they make me happy when I'm away from them all i feel so empty

I feel like shit.

Like shit.

That's what I feel like.

I constantly have a headache I constantly am smoking I'm constantly doing something I shouldn't be doing

I feel like I wanna die.

D i e

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It's Okay When You Yell At Me. It's Okay When You Make Me Feel Little. Make Me Feel Like A Piece Of Shit. It's Okay It Really is Ok Bc When I Fucking Die I Hope You're Not Okay And I Hope You Realize This Was Partially Your Damn Fault Bc Clearly I'm Not Good Enough For You To Text First Or Call FIrst Not Good Enough For You To Give The First Hug Or Kiss Not Good Enough For You To Break UP With Me To My Face Not Good Enough For You To Talk To Me...SO Ukw fuck it, it's okay...do what u want to treat me how u want to be in the end know u had a play in my demise.

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HOOK

I wanna be understood

So I keep my mouth closed

And I wanna be good

So I'm your puppet, I suppose

But I wanna be myself

But I cannot be exposed

And I cannot seem to choose

What I want more(want more, more)

VERSE 1

(Yeah)I say I'm doing fine(yeah)

I say that I'm alright(yeah)

(Yeah)that's a lie(yeah)

You'll never see what's inside

Or the conflict in my mind

Or the things behind my eyes

Or the desire left behind

Or happiness to find

Or the dreams locked inside

Or the anger in my veins(yeah)

It fills me up with rage

Some things that you say

All these prisons and their chains(yeah)

I want to fly away(yeah)

You want me to escape

Yet you still keep me tamed

And am I the one to blame?

All this anger in my veins(yeah)

Burn the sun to flames(yeah)

(Yeah) I want to change

But I don't know the true lane

So I guess I'll stay the same

Stay the same yeah

Cause I'm

Trapped in my mind(yeah)

Can't

Seem to decide(yeah)

Trapped in my mind(yeah)

Gotta leave something behind

^Yeah^

(Music slowly escalates)

PRE-CHORUS

I wanna be understood

So I keep my mouth closed

And I wanna be good

So I'm your puppet, I suppose

But I wanna be myself

But I cannot be exposed

And I cannot seem to choose

What I want more

CHORUS

And I know I'm just rook

Cuz I never learnt how

And I wanna be good

But it never worked out

Learn by the book

All I do is go south

Cuz I wanna be good

But I keep on going down

POST-CHORUS

And I want to be heard

So I keep it all disclosed

I wanna be myself

Imaginations I suppose

And I try to do better

But it never really works

So I'll keep on feeling empty

Yea I'll keep wantin' more

VERSE 2

Cuz I really wanna learn(yeah)

I really wanna explore

And I really want to find(yeah)

Cuz I can't be bored

So let me be myself(yeah)

Let me choose my board

Cuz you're confusing me

Do you want more?

So just let me be passionate
Always after it
Got a goal and I'm grasping it
Gotta master it
But now I'm going backwards and
It's really happenin'
And I don't think I'll ever understand
But I'll keep fightin'
For a dream no one to me to reach
But it comes from the heart yeah
I really dig deep
Cuz you don't understand
What this truly means
But now I'm fighting monsters
It's all behind the scenes
And once it starts emerging
That's when you seem
To not understand
This human being
That you're talking to and
Man, it's such a feat
To go back into hiding
But that's what I ^need^
But that's what I ^need^
(Yeah that's what I need
That's what need
Yeah that's what I need)
Yeah

PRE-CHORUS

Yeah I wanna be understood

So I keep my mouth closed

And I wanna be good

So I'm your puppet, I suppose

But I wanna be myself

But I cannot be exposed

And I cannot seem to choose

What I want more

CHORUS

And I know I'm just rook

Cuz I never learnt how

And I wanna be good

But it never worked out

Learn by the book

All I do is go south

Cuz I wanna be good

But I keep on going down

POST-CHORUS

And I want to be heard

So I keep it all disclosed

I wanna be myself

Imaginations I suppose

And I try to do better

But it never really works

So I'll keep on feeling empty

Yea I'll keep wantin' more
-----------------------
Songwriter: Nevaeh Mitchell(Echo)
Note: This is one of my more recent songs(and one of the ones I'm more proud of. I think I based the chorus off of the "NEFFEX - Numb" beat? ). I just now wrote those last 26(50 lines if you include the Pre-chorus, chorus, and post-chorus) lines, even though I stopped writing songs. Should I keep on writing songs, even if I gave up on that dream?
Signs: ^^ = echo effect

-----------------------

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Words and rhymes
I write them whenever my life is in its primes
Words and expression
I write them whenever I need out of my depression
Words and Deeds
I write them whenever my body has needs
Words and Lives
I write about them whenever I'm much too worried about knives
Words and Lies
I write them whenever my family cries
Words and smoke
I write them whenever I'm so messed up I'm about to choke  Words and feelings
I write them when ever I'm tired of lives dealings

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The Girl With The star *To be continued*

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The Girl With The star *To be continued*

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Every year….there is a star...this star grants the wish of the first person that sees it, gets to keep it as a wishing star there is no limited number of wishes so any can Wish For Basically anything and everything. There once was a young centaur who had been the first to spot this star. She gasped as it gleamed upon her milk chocolate skin and her gold hair. She was the first Centaur to ever spot the star! She had to tell the others! She quickly galloped back to her clan leaping over the beautiful river that separated the regular land and the centaur grounds. She had never ever gone so fast in her life! The wind rushed past her face and ran it’s long breezy fingers through her hair. She was amazed at this speed. She finally reached the grounds of her people and shouted for her father. He quickly came running in a second he was in front of her examining her to make sure she had not been hurt. She smiled and pulled the star from the pouch that was slung over her waist. He gasped and stared between her and the star in utter awe. He was speechless and didn’t know what to say or how to describe how he felt. “A-amazing” he finally stammered! It was beyond amazing. It was miraculous! She could become anyone she wanted to do anything she wanted to help anyone she wanted! She was speechless as well. She didn’t have many words to describe the beauty of the star or how great this was! The clan would never need to worry about another drought or famine again! She could help some of the male centaurs get into the royal army like they had always wished! Her thoughts were racing as she thought of the millions of possibilities. It was splendid! She could even…..get what she had always wanted. She laughed and twirled around almost tripping over her own four hooves! She laughed some more as more people crowded around and gaped at her and the wondrous star. Whispers turned to rumors quickly and then everyone in the clan knew! Kids tried to suck up to her so they could get their various toys and what not. She didn’t exactly know what she was going to do. One day she had gone on a walk and was picking flowers when she was stopped by a boy who had been in training with her when they were just young kids. He had to have been 15 now! She wondered if he had courted his wife yet? The full moon had passed just a little while ago. He had to have courted someone by now but then again he always broke the rules because his father was chief she wouldn’t be too surprised if he hadn’t courted anyone yet. He was very handsome with dirty blonde hair and grayish blue eyes. She had had a crush on him since forever “Bridget!” He called frantically “Come quick! It’s a fawn!” She gasped and quickly ran through the clearing which he had appeared from as he led the way. He abruptly stopped and at his feet was a bleeding fawn. It must've been shot by one of the hunters! She quickly pulled out the star and made her first wish! She wished it to good health. It sprang up just a few minutes later and leo threw his arms around her. She blushed and sat there awkwardly. “You’re a lifesaver!” he shouted. She smiled at this new found attention.he had never paid her much attention in their youth. She quickly pushed any hope from her head. He was probably just using her for the star. “Thanks” She replied. She laughed a bit. "It wasn't really me though it was the star". He shrugged and took a long look at her. He smiled at what she was. She was one of those girls who was pretty and shy so people never paid much attention to her. She never expected or really wanted them to. Until...just now..she wanted him to give her all his attention! What was happening to her! She quickly got to her hooves and smiled then walked away. She didn’t want to be used even if she had always longed for his attention, the real thing….was even more incredible than she would have imagined! She went back to the lake she had visited many times. She loved it’s majestic reflection and surroundings. There were beautiful trees everywhere and the meadow in front of her was worthy of all the gold her father had to his name. She was so glad to be able to be here! “Beautiful isn’t it” She heard Leo's voice call. She quickly got to all fours and turned to see him approaching. “Y-yes it is” She stammered over her words surprised he was here or had ever been here before. It had been many many moons since she had seen him here and that was during training. She wondered how often he came here. “I was planning on taking a quick...bath..would you like to join…” He asked her. Her face flushed and she nodded her head before she could even think about it! “Gods! What am I getting myself into!” She wondered. He smiled at her as he unbuttoned the vest that covered everyone’s top half yet...his looked immensely better than any other she’d seen before. Before she knew it he had his vest off and was walking into the water. He was so masculine it was astonishing! His chest was almost perfectly chiseled; he looked like he was beyond any other centaur or species she had ever seen before and he was asking her. HER of all people to bathe with him. He chuckled “I don’t bite….you can come in..” She slowly unbuttoned her vest. She was even more shy than usual! Most women centaurs didn’t even wear vests. “Baby! get over yourself” She scolded herself internally. She quickly unbuttoned the rest of the buttons and slipped into the lake. He grinned at her and handed her some of the ground leaves he must’ve been collecting when he had found that poor fawn. She washed up and watched..not in a strange way but in a fascinated way as he washed up as well. His hair seemed to sparkle in the sunlight. It was mesmerizing. One second she was rinsing her hair next he was kissing her! The color completely drained from her face and she kissed him back. They had been kissing for about ten minutes when he broke it off taking deep shallow breaths. He stared at her with an almost bashful grin. She was looking at the water. Her face was completely drained of color and her heart was racing! She had never felt anything like what she felt at this moment! “Gods!” She thought to herself. He lifted her chin with his finger  and kissed her again resting his hand on the furry horse part of her body. She kissed him back lustfully. Her arms were around his neck and her hands were in his hair. They got out of the water hands linked and he made love to her in the soft grass by the lake. This was an experience and feeling she’d never forget. She woke up to his arms around her tightly. It was pitch black out. She looked up at the moon but it wasn’t there! “Oh yea...a new moon” She mumbled quietly . “How will I be able tell what time it is?!” she thought. He awoke beside her and they both smiled as their eyes locked. She relived the hours previous to her falling asleep as his grin widened. He ran his hands through her hair then looked up at the sky. “Oh yea it’s a new moon” he said. She laughed, “That’s that i was just saying!” He chuckled, “Great minds think alike,” he said joyfully. She smiled and said,”Yes, yes they do...Shouldn’t we start making our way back to the clan tho…?” she questioned worriedly. He nodded. “Yea...we don’t want the whole group of guardians coming to search for us.” They both laughed at this. She started untangling her legs from his. He slipped his hands out of her hair and they both got to their fours. He slipped his vest on and she did the same. Leaving the top two buttons unbuttoned. She twisted her hair up. He looked at her “I already know you’re beautiful no need to show off” he stuck his tongue out at her. She giggled a bit “Can’t a girl just look nice?” He nodded “but...when that girl always looks nice and doesn’t need the extra then” he shrugged. She smiled and blushed. She’d almost forgot her pouch in the grass but turned back and then put it over her head and adjusted the strap on her shoulder. “Okay now let’s go!” She smiled. He laughed a bit then grabbed her hand and they walked through the dark starry forest talking and laughing all the way. It was dawn when they finally got back to the clan and there were a few guardians up expectantly waiting for them. They weren’t surprised to see them holding hands or together. “Skies! What happened was bad enough for us to get the head guardians to greet us!” she exclaimed in her head. They looked at each other then back at the guards. The guards' solemn faces made them serious quickly. One of the guards stepped forward and motioned for Bridget to put her hand out and she did as the guard who she recognized as Kiea took her hand in hers and mumbled an incantation. Bridget drew a deep breath as the picture that filled Kiea’s thoughts filled her head. “Father!” She cried out. Her legs collapsed from under her and she wailed into the dirt. All of a sudden she felt the warmth of the star from her pouch and she realized what she had to do. She wiped her face and grabbed the star from the pouch. She looked up at Kiea. Kiea nodded her head. Kiea had never talked much; she showed what she was thinking through visions. Bridget had never thought she’d be blessed with seeing one of Kiea’s visions but as it turned out her first wasn’t much of a blessing as a curse! Another guard Drake stepped forward. “But beware ‘cause with great magic comes a great price….” he said to her solemnly. She nodded as she knew. With the first wish used to heal the fawn and only shortly after her father dying! What if she could trade their lives back and let the fawn die to save her father! She would do anything to get him back. The guards disappeared one by one, a thing that usually Bridget would’ve thought to be cool but right now….she couldn’t even focus on what was happening in the real world only on the plan she was coming up with in her head. She knew if she called on the gods they would help her do this if it was their will.  This was so unexpected she was still freaking out when she felt Leo’s arms wrap around her shoulders’ “It’ll be okay” he coaxed her. She nodded her head grimly. "Yes...Yes it will be." She kept nodding her head as she spoke. After a little while of just sitting there with his arms wrapped around her shoulders she got to her hooves. "Thank you" She basically whispered tonight was great...but for now..i have to focus on the consequences of bringing him back. "Who?" he questioned her. She looked to his eyes and said "My father" she realized that he didn't even know what was going on right now.  "He...risked himself to..save a child from falling off a cliff."  At this moment she realized that his death couldn't have been at the cost of her saving the fawn. What if it was just his time and this was just how it was supposed to go?! What if...he had traded his life for the childs life and fate was now set. She started crying again and leo pulled her into a tight embrace. He rubbed her back. "Shhhh...I'll be here to help the whole way don't worry...." After a few minutes she stopped crying but he didn't let go. she rested her head on his shoulder and closed her eyes. When she woke up she found his arms wrapped around her as they both layed on the softest patch of moss she'd ever felt. She closed her eyes again just as he stirred awake. She pretend to still be sleeping. He brushed the hair out her face and just layed there. She didn't know what to expect but this surely wasn't what she was expecting him to do she smiled. "I knew you were awake" Leo said in the handsomest voice she'd ever heard she could hear the grin on his face.  She shook her head no with her eyes still closed she said "i'm not awake!" "Is that so" he taunted. "Sure is" she was grinning ear to ear but then last night's events came rushing back and her grin faded. "What's wrong?" he practically whispered. "L-last night" she stammered. He pulled her in closer "Like I said last night I'm going to be here the whole way even if it takes 5 moons. I promise" She didn't know how

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Unspoken words. The Unknown haunts us. What was she gonna say? What is he really thinking? How long will they lie? What are they really thinking? I can't sit here and pretend I don't also filter my words but what if everyone spoke their truth? What if every unspoken word had to be spoken?
I wonder what would happen If I actually told everyone how I really felt. I wonder what would happen if I no longer filtered my thoughts and everyone had to listen to my big mouth and the truth that lies on my tongue.

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I DON'T USUALLY DRINK DRINKINGS NOT WHAT I USUALLY DO HE MADE ME GO AND SINK NOW THE MONSTERS FIZZ AWAY LIKE MOUNTAIN DEW THEY GO FLAT TOO NOT LONGER SEEMING SCARY AND I DID IT ALL JUST FOR- NO BECAUSE OF YOU. I HOPE YOUR HAPPY WITH WHAT YOU'VE CREATED BC THIS TIME WHAT I'M DOING WONT BE UNDERRATED I HOPE UR FUCKING SCARED THAT UR GONNA LOSE UR DAUGHTER I HOPE U FUCKING THINK UR A BAD FUCKING MOTHER I HOPE YOU FEEL THE PAIN I DO BC U DROVE ME TO DRINKING...AND DRINKINGS NOT WHAT I USUALLY DO"

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im fine as in im fine with the pain
im fine with the endless sadness im fine with having the abilty to not trust people im fine with being scared of just a mans stare im fine with staying upo at night and sleeping during the day to avoid humanity im fine with wishing each breath was my last im fine with hoping each day was my last
I AM FINE
trust i am

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I just wanna love her

I just wanna kiss her (kiss her)

Make it to where I'll never have to miss her

Tell her she ain't gettin me outta her hair

That i'll always be there

She know I just can't resist her

Make it to where I'll never miss her (never miss her)

I'ma marry her and no one can get me outta her hair

I'm Always gonna be there (thereeeeeeee)

There never will be another!

We'll always have love for each other

She's my true love

Ain't gonna be a new love

Looking like a real dove

Always gonna be my true love (veeee)!!

(((There is music to this one….but….it was a gift and yea- I lost the music but i'll find it soon)))

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Pushing my problems away
Stay awake all night and all day
Living in the shadow of who I should be
Thinking about everything that could be
Shatter beneath even the tiniest bit of pressure
Showers and time alone was supposed to be a refresher
A clouded mind to function with I just need a break from all the shit
Every time I turn around it seems like my brain is throwing another fit
Telling me I don't fit in I don't belong
My inevitable demise y'all just prolong

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In your eyes My black makes me..

Nothing but a culprit
Nothing but a thug
Nothing but a mistake
Nothing but a fatherless little girl
Nothing but an angry black women
Nothing but a failure
Nothing but ghetto
Nothing but a lower class citizen
Nothing but a little "too lightskin" for the black kids and a little too black for the "white kids"

In your eyes My black makes me

Anything but innocent
Anything but respectful
Anything but kind
Anything but "rich"
Anything but pretty
Anything but happy
Anything but smart
Anything but successful
Anything but good enough
Anything but privileged

In your eyes my black makes me anything but what I wanna be and everything you think I am

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These arms are the diary of my life so far
These lines tell you more than I ever would
But those spaces between them
the not so bad parts
must become my focus for good

This one was rejection
The past aching to make it past your lips
This one was no protection
They took more than I wanted to give
This one was a fatherless youth
This one was various women mothering me
This one was setback
This one was school
This one is the deepest cut
This one is still a wound

This one doesn't ever really heal
I look up and gaze in the mirror
Because I have recognized where the healing must start and that's gonna be the hardest part

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Police aren't after  conversations
they're after culprits
They don't sharpen they're fangs to make us feel safe

He wakes if he's lucky
with bite makes lining his back
branding his black
with empty court dates
and arrests made in vain
Anything to sow shame
Anything to make sure he never feels safe

So of course I ran
I've read this story over 100 times
And I'd rather ran and remain alive
When stopping could be suicide

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When your world is full of worries and fears.                                 Overbearing parents                                                                    Burning ears                                                                                    Poor choices                                                                                  Followed by loud voices                                                                And not that much space left to breathe                                        Find me.                                                                                            When you’re not feeling your world come into mine

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I wail in the pouring down rain as she walks away. I’m screaming for her to come back and chasing after her. “Please!” I beg her but she keeps walking without a care in the world. I scream and cry for her to come back. After half an hour of chasing and screaming for her to come back I finally quit. I slump down the brick wall behind me and bring my knees up to my chest and hug them laying my head in my lap and cry some more. After what feels like forever I look up towards the sky. I pray she comes back. I pray she’s being safe and that no one hurts her. I know I haven’t lifted up a prayer in a long time but now just seems right. All is lost in my world. I push up on my hands and stand up. I’m dizzy and can barely see after all that crying. I walk back to what used to be our..home. I take one look at the door and break down in tears again. I slowly walk up the stairs to the porch and sit in the chair we have out here. The chair..to where she used to hold me tight and I used to beg her to never let go. The chair to where we shared jokes and rivers of tears. Dawn is breaking and I've spent my whole day crying. I’ve accomplished absolutely nothing! I was such a worthless piece of Shit I don’t blame her for leaving but...i never thought she actually would and after all our promises and forever she’s gone. She doesn't care anymore. I take a deep shaky breath wiping my face with my jacket sleeve and stand up, jaw quivering as more tears trickle down my face. I go in the house and make dinner for four even though it’s only me. I smell like a wet dog. I go to the bathroom and turn on the tub water and peel off my soaked clothes. I make sure the water is scorching hot before I get in and wash up. When I’m done I wrap myself in a towel lightly and tip toe to what used to be our room. Immediately I'm alerted that the lights are on! I never turned the lights on! Who else is here?! I pull the towel tighter just as it’s yanked off. “Damn!” I hear an all too familiar voice breathe out. I spin around on my heels and snatch the towel back and re-wrap it around me. She’s just as drenched in rain as I was. I look down, blushing.  Why was she even here!?  “Damn you” I mumbled and spin back on my heels telling her to go shower while I go get dressed and reheat the food. She grumbled but follows orders and just a few minutes later the shower was running again and I was reheating the food. She comes out fully dressed just as I'm setting food on the table. Food we both know won’t all be eaten. She looks up at me "i'm sorry" she mutters. "It's...fine...It..was my fault"  "No...it's not...Look...I love you with all my heart...and that's not gonna change" She stepped in front of me and knelled and pulled a small red box from her jacket pocket. I gasped it felt like all the air had left from my lungs. "Rosalie...Jones....Will you..." She took a deep breath. "...Marry me?" I stood there in utter shock not knowing what to do. I couldn't move or talk. My brain was in hyper drive. "What if she hurt me?!" As if she read my mind. "...I know...I've scared you a lot before..and I've left too....but that's because I wanted to make sure you truly loved me and wouldn't get with someone else..and just because I was being stupid....but i'll do right by you..I promise. There is no one else for me baby. I want to be with you forever." I let out the breath I didn't know I was holding. "....Y....yes. Yes of course I'll marry you!!!" She got off her knee and picked me up and kissed me. "I love you...I love you with my whole heart" she breathed into my ear.

And They Lived Happily Ever After

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Infatuated:
possessed with an intense but short-lived passion or admiration for someone

It was going to be infatuation..
But it has become so much more...
He makes me smile...
When he isn't even there...
He gives me butterflies...
Like monarchs..
My favorite kind...

The idea of my hands in his hair...
His hands around my neck...
Me in his hoodie...
His head on my chest while we watch..
Our favorite movies..
His smile...
Oh how it makes me feel..
Late nights..
Unable to fall asleep...
Thinking about him..
How many nights hes saved me from collapsing..
And he doesn't even know..
Oh how I wish..
How I hope..
That it's more than just infatuation..
For him..

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This feeling fills my soul and keeps me warm
It tells me I'm okay and that I don't needa run away
There's glory in feeling this safe
I feel victory settling in
I lower that guard for just a second to just take a break from being so mean

One second was all it took though.
All they needed to get to me.
Stabbed repeatedly
Let down again and again
Trust broken over and over

They wonder why I don't talk to anybody.
Why I stay on edge, stay stressed.

I recover.
Put my protection back in place.
Grab that mean I was gonna throw away
Put it back on.
Remind myself to never take it off again