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Changing Your New Baby’s Nappy | Parent Education  | Mater Mothers

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To give you the best experience, BabyCentre's website and emails use cookies and similar tracking systems to personalise the content and ads we provide to you. We use your health information to make our site even more helpful. By clicking the button, you agree to our policies and to get emails from us.

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Before babies are able to understand language, we often communicate and comfort them through touch. If a baby cries, for example, parents will hold, cuddle or stroke them. Baby massage is part of this natural impulse.

Find out about the benefits of baby massage for you and your baby in this video.

What is baby massage?

Baby massage is the gentle, rhythmic stroking of your baby's body using your hands. As part of a massage routine, you might gently manipulate your baby's ankles, wrists and fingers.

"You might also talk softly, hum or sing to them while massaging to create a sense of calm and reassurance for your baby".

What are the benefits of baby massage?

Baby massage was introduced about 30 years ago in neonatal wards to support the development of premature babies in intensive care units. A study in 2004 found that babies in intensive care units who were massaged spent less time in hospital, had slightly better scores on developmental tests and slightly fewer postnatal complications.

Today, there is widespread belief that baby massage can increase a mum's awareness of her baby's needs and support their early bond, as well as improve her sense of well-being if she is suffering with postnatal depression or other mental health issues. The evidence is inconclusive on these points but parents do say they find baby massage a lovely way of bonding with their baby.

Many talk about the following benefits:

Becoming more confident in handling their child and better at recognising their needs.

Improved positive interaction with their baby.

A great way for partners, family members and carers to bond with baby.

Improved sleep for their baby.

When can I start baby massage?

There are no set guidelines regarding the minimum age for when to start baby massage. Although nurturing touch can be given from birth, some babies may find formal, structured massage too stimulating in the very early weeks.

When it comes to baby massage classes, some babies may find a formal class overwhelming in the early weeks. It can also be hard for parents to make it to a class on time or consistently with a newborn. As a result, many parents prefer to wait until their baby is about six weeks old when their routine is more settled and their behaviour is sometimes more predictable.

"It can also be helpful to start baby massage after your baby's six week check so any issues with development, such as hip dysplasia, might be identified".

Getting ready to massage your baby

Here are some tips to help you try baby massage at home:

Choose a time when your baby is content and alert, not tired or hungry, and interested in what's going on around them. This makes it more likely that they'll be ready to interact with you.

Try sitting on the floor, bed or sofa, with your baby safely on a towel in front of you.

Find a position that's comfortable, gives you good eye contact with no overhead lights and where your baby is warm.

It's up to you whether your child is nappy-free, but it can help to at least loosen their nappy when massaging the tummy.

It can be a nice idea to introduce a massage after bath and before bed as part of a bedtime wind-down.

How to give your baby a massage

Before beginning 'ask permission' by rubbing a little oil between your hands near your baby's ears, and ask 'can I give you a massage?' This may sound a little strange but your child will become familiar with this cue and know that massage is about to start. It also gives your baby a chance to let you know if they don't feel like a massage.

It's great to massage the whole of your child's body using a range of techniques. To get you started, we describe some strokes below for the legs and feet.

Once you have 'asked permission', gently hold one of your baby's legs between your palms.

Then, with one hand, hold your baby's ankle securely. Mould your other hand around the top of your child's thigh, then slide it down the leg towards the ankle.

Swap hands and repeat. Always keep your child's ankle supported and use slow, flowing strokes.

Next, cradle your child's foot in your hands and use your thumbs to stroke over the sole of the foot from heel to toes, one thumb after another. Hold your fingers in a tripod grip and gently tug each toe between thumb and finger.

Holding your child's foot in your hands, walk the thumbs across the middle third of the foot from one side to the other like a little caterpillar crawling on a leaf.

You could also do circles on the palms of their hands singing 'Round and round the garden like a teddy bear'. Continue with finger and thumb tugs.

Finish by repeating the stroking action in the opposite direction, i.e. from ankle to thigh.

You can repeat each stroke a few times, always responding to what your child seems to enjoy.

What oils/products should I use for baby massage?

While using oil can make massage easier for parents and more relaxing for their baby, there is limited evidence on what oil is best to use for baby massage.

Most research into the use of oils on a baby's skin has not focussed on their use for baby massage but for skincare issues, such as dry skin or eczema. This is important to note because there may be a difference in the effect of using oils in baby massage once a week compared to every day for skincare reasons or for more frequent massage.

The NHS also recommends parents do not use any oils or lotions until their baby is one month old. This is because at birth, the top layer of a baby's skin is very thin and easily damaged. Over the first month (or longer in premature babies), a baby's skin matures and develops its own natural protective barrier.

Here is a list of oils and what is know about them:

Cold-pressed oil - while there is a lack of evidence on its benefits, some parents prefer to use a cold pressed oil, which is manufactured differently to cooking oils and has fewer impurities.

Mineral oils or petroleum-based ointments are an option if your baby has dry or broken skin, as they have been found to be effective and safe for treating skin problems, such as dermatitis and eczema.

Mustard oil can have a toxic effect on the skin barrier, causing irritation and potential damage to delicate baby skin.

Olive oil is not recommended for baby massage because of its high oleic acid content. This can make some layers of a baby's skin dryer.

Other oils, such as grapeseed oil or coconut oil - these have not been effectively tested in research trials so there isn't much information about their effectiveness or risks.

Peanut oil contains proteins that may sensitise a baby to an allergic reaction to peanuts or cause a reaction on a baby's skin.

Sunflower oil is often recommended for baby massage but recent research has suggested it might have adverse effects on a baby's later skin barrier function. This was only a small trial though and more research is needed to establish the exact risk.

Vegetable oils high in polyunsaturated fats may be gentler on your baby's skin.

Safety tips for baby massage

Here are some tips to help you massage your baby safely:

* Make sure you use oil that is safe for your baby's skin and if it was to get into their mouth (see list above).
* When massaging your child's arms or legs, always support the ankle or wrist with one hand.
* When massaging your child's tummy with a circular motion, go clockwise rather than anti-clockwise.
* If your child becomes upset or falls asleep, stop massaging.

Enjoy baby massage

If your baby doesn't seem to enjoy massage right away, don't worry. It's a new experience for you both and it can take a bit of getting used to. Try a few minutes the first time and build up as your child gets more used to it.

Further information

Our support line offers practical and emotional support with feeding your baby and general enquiries for parents, members and volunteers: 0300 330 0700.

Why not try one of our NCT Mother and Baby Yoga courses or baby massage classes?

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Before babies are able to understand language, we often communicate and comfort them through touch. If a baby cries, for example, parents will hold, cuddle or stroke them. Baby massage is part of this natural impulse. Find out about the benefits of baby massage for you and your baby in this video.

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The Positive Birth Company is on a mission to support you from the moment you start thinking about planning for a baby, to the day they eventually go to school. We do this through life-changing online courses, incredible online communities and access to some of the best minds in the fields of birth, health and psychology. Our resources are affordable and accessible to all, no matter where you are or how busy your life is.

We are The Positive Birth Company and we are your virtual village.

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coping with other people's opinions about how you should parent your baby!

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Learning how to deal with unsolicited advice seems to be a right of passage for most new mums. For me, it took learning about the deeper issue of boundaries, to know how to navigate unsolicited advice.

A massive light bulb moment was when I read Joanne Ketch's blog post on Boundaries and Parenting Choices. I have shared the post with numerous clients and in online parenting groups.

The term "I was able to bean dip" is now used as a verb in my mum's group, to describe when one successfully uses boundaries!

A long time ago, as a developing parent educator, I found many new moms uncomfortable and frustrated with unsolicited advice - or inadvertently soliciting advice and then feeling uncomfortable with the discussion that followed.

As a result, I developed a summary lesson on boundaries that eventually become known as "The Bean Dip Response", "Pass the Bean Dip" or even used as a verb "Bean dip" someone.

I wrote the summary from the perspective of an attachment or homeschooling parent - but the principles are transferrable to any constellation of parenting choices.

The "Bean Dip Response" is best used when you do not wish to defend or engage with a person over a parenting choice. If you are discussing issues with a person and you welcome their feedback, the Bean Dip Response is not needed.

I've found new moms often confuse boundaries and trying to convince someone of the rightness of their choices.

The best thing is to assert your boundary and not try to defend your choice.

Parenting choices should be on a "need to know" basis. Most people don't "need to know". If asked "how is the baby sleeping?" Answer: Great! Thanks for asking! Want some bean dip?

"Are you sure you should be picking her up every time she cries?" Answer: "Yes! Thank you! Want some bean dip?"

"When do you plan to wean" Answer: "When she's ready. Thanks! Want some bean dip?"

Now, with some people you will need to set firm boundaries. The offer of bean dip will not be sufficient to redirect them. They are either not intuitive to gentle redirection or they have emotion tied to the issue and a desire to "go there" more deeply. In such a case, a stronger "Bean Dip" response may be needed. You may be able to anticipate persons for whom this is true: If it's a pattern of intrusion, for example, seen in other circumstances. In these cases, the redirect will need to be backed up with action (like hanging up, leaving the room or even the event, unfriending them). Remember, boundaries are not about forcing another person to comply. You cannot "do" that. Boundaries are about what YOU will do/not do.

Practice kind but firm responses:

"I know you love us and the baby. We are so glad. Our sleeping choices have been researched and made. I will not discuss it again."

Also, don't confuse setting boundaries with trying to convince someone of the rightness of your choices. It's a common and understandable desire to present the same information that lead you to your choices. The problem with that in dealing with a person who has boundary issues is that engaging with content invites discussion. New moms often struggle with this. The boundary is that no one else has an inherent right to tell you how to parent. You set boundaries by doing the above. Where new moms often invite problems is by citing authors, studies and sites to "defend" themselves. Each time you do so, you create more time for discussion and rebuttal and send the message that your decisions are up for debate. Don't defend your choices beyond generalities, and then only once or twice. "The doctor is in support of our choices. Want some bean dip?"

Finally, look them in the eye and say simply "I want us to have a good relationship. I want you to enjoy the baby. I'll parent the baby - you enjoy them. Let's not discuss this anymore. If you bring it up, I will leave the room."

Finally, an important corollary to the "Bean Dip Response" is reciprocity. The content of the parenting choices should not dictate the interaction. You may be totally convinced that babies should co-sleep, never be left to "cry it out" and that they should be allowed to follow their own weaning path. But if you post those opinions on Facebook (or communicate them in other ways), you invite (and therefore solicit) feedback and advice. You need to give the "other side" the appropriate respect in the same manner you'd like the respect.
https://www.joanneketch.com/ParentingChoiceBoundaries.en.html
As well as being a mother to her two spirited children, is an EFT (Emotional Freedom Techniques) Practitioner working via Skype with parents all over the world. Charlotte uses her Charlotte Watson empathetic and validating approach to help parents use their stress, overwhelm, triggers and struggles to guide where to support them in healing from the inside out using EFT. This allows them to parent with confidence and clarity as the best versions of themselves.

Her friends would tell you that is engaged without judgement, strong without aggression, and truthful without inflicting pain. She is compassionate with accountability, empathetic with professionalism, and she is very effective at moving people through change to their best selves.

When she is not working with her EFT clients, Charlotte can be found exploring the beautiful outdoors of her home in British Columbia, Canada. This includes the ski hills in the winter either skiing with her 2 children or working as a Ski Instructor specialising in teaching nervous women.

If you would like to know more about how Charlotte's EFT Practice can support you to parent with confidence and clarity, please schedule a free 20 minute phone or Skype call www.charlotteeft20min.youcanbook.me
www.charlotterwatson.com

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"Pass The Bean Dip" - Boundaries and Parenting Choices - Charlotte Watson

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Learning how to deal with unsolicited advice seems to be a right of passage for most new mums. For me, it took learning about the deeper issue of boundaries, to know how to navigate unsolicited advice. A massive light bulb moment was when I read Joanne Ketch's blog post on Boundaries and Parenting Choices.

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synapses & neurons explained in 2 mins!

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Center on the Developing Child at Harvard University

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Early experiences affect the development of brain architecture, which provides the foundation for all future learning, behavior, and health.

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how babies learn

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Researchers in Cambridge believe that babies learn best when their brain waves are in sync with their parents'.

The study has also shown that infants are attuned to baby talk and nursery rhymes.

The research indicates that babies need to feel safe, secure and loved for brain connections to be properly formed to enable them to learn effectively.

The findings are emerging from a baby brain scanning project at Cambridge University.

The behaviours that love produce are good for learning
Dr Victoria Leong, Cambridge University

To a newborn, the world is a rush of sights and sounds, an overload of information. But then the world gradually comes into focus. Babies soon learn to recognise faces and voices and over the coming months learn how to move, understand language and make sense of what is around them.

This is a crucial moment in all our lives when important connections are being formed in the brain.

To learn just how this happens, researchers at a baby lab in Cambridge are scanning the brains of babies and their mums while the two are interacting in learning activities.

The early indications are that when the brain waves of mothers and babies are out of sync, the babies learn less well. But when the two sets of brainwaves are in tune they seem to learn more effectively.

Dr Victoria Leong, who is leading the research, has discovered that babies learn well when their mums speak to them in a soothing sing-song voice which she calls "motherese".

Dr Leong's research shows that nursery rhymes are a particularly good way for the mums in her study to get in sync with their babies.

"Although it sounds odd to us, babies really love listening to motherese even more than adult speech. It holds their attention better and the speech sounds clearer to them. So we know the more motherese the baby hears, the better the language development," she said.

Dr Leong says the same is undoubtedly true if infants hear baby talk and nursery rhymes from fathers, grandparents and any other carers, but her experiments to date have focused on the interaction between mothers and their babies.

"The baby brain is set to respond to motherese, which is why it is such an effective vehicle for teaching babies about new information," she says.

Dr Leong's team has also found that babies respond better when there is prolonged eye contact. Mums who sang nursery rhymes looking directly at their babies held their attention significantly better than those who gazed away, even occasionally.

So should busy, multitasking parents worry if they occasionally glance at their phones while caring for their babies?

"No, not at all," says Dr Leong. "By-and-large, most parents do a wonderful job with parenting. Brain development is only affected in extreme cases of neglect or lack of attention."

Dr Leong's findings, that babies respond well to good face-to-face interactions and conversations is well established in behavioural studies. But what is new is that her team is trying to learn what happens inside the brain when babies are receiving quality attention.

"My work is to understand the neurological underpinnings of these effects," she said.

"How is it that the baby's brain treats the social interactions with its mother and how is it that it is helping learning?"

Babies learn by making physical connections in their brains when they learn something new. Human brains take years to develop because we have so much to learn. Babies explore different ways of making sense of the world mostly through play until they suddenly make a breakthrough and it is then that a connection is formed and strengthened in their brain.

But, according to Dr Kirstie Whitaker, who is a brain researcher at Cambridge University's psychiatry department, sometimes this can happen too quickly.

"If babies experience stress early in life, their brains develop a little too quickly and so rather than work out the very best connections they should make, they go with ones that are good enough.

"And so one of the reasons I would urge a supportive and nurturing environment is to allow children to explore and stay in that particularly curious and flexible brain development for as long as possible."

And so, is the research suggesting that love helps form the physical connections necessary for brain development?

"The behaviours that love produce are good for learning," says Dr Leong. "Drawing each other into conversation, giving each other attention and being in the moment together are all good for learning."

Follow Pallab on Twitter

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Researchers in Cambridge believe that babies learn best when their brain waves are in sync with their parents'. The study has also shown that infants are attuned to baby talk and nursery rhymes. The research indicates that babies need to feel safe, secure and loved for brain connections to be properly formed to enable them to learn effectively.

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Neurodivergence & postnatal mental health

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Neurodivergence & postnatal mental health

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beautiful videos exploring baby behaviour and communication

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Tweets by DanWuori

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Learning What Your Newborn Is Saying

Right from birth and well before your baby speaks their first words, they are communicating with you through their behaviour. This communication can be as clear as a good loud cry or as subtle as a slight movement of their eyebrow. Think of all your baby's movements, expressions and responses as phrases they use to communicate with you- the unspoken words of their first language. Watch for, observe and interpret the meaning of your baby's signals and cues and you will soon become familiar with what they are saying and get to know them very well.

Window Into My World

Your baby's cues are completely trustworthy and authentic responses giving you information about what care they need and what they like and dislike. Unlike adults, there is no discrepancy between the feeling and its expression. Your baby cannot mask their feelings so what you observe you can trust unconditionally.

My Favourite Toy

Your baby not only knows your face and voice but also loves nothing more than connecting with you when they are in a quiet and alert state. They are much more engaged with your expressions and slow directed speech than they are in a toy. Have your face at a distance of around 10-18 inches. They will enjoy following your face and finding your voice- see their inborn hunger to connect with you.

Watch and Wait

When your baby's eyes are heavy or flicker open and closed, they are in a kind of 'no man's land' between sleep and wakefulness. As much as you would love to play, your baby is asking for you to wait for them during this transitional state. You will soon see if they are going back to sleep or ready to wake up.

Do Not Disturb

At this early stage, your baby will sleep for long periods in the day as they grow and develop rapidly. Your baby has an amazing ability to selectively tune out sounds and bright lights to preserve their sleep. They also appreciate your support in minimising disturbances in the environment.

Learning Emotions

Your baby feels validated and learns to understand how different emotions feel when you reflect those for them. When they have bright smiling eyes, beam back at them. When they are upset show them you sympathise with what is bothering them are ready to help.

Clever Me

Along with support from you, your baby has amazing inbuilt abilities to help himself/herself stay calm and organised; especially if they are beginning to feel a little overwhelmed from the environment and stimulation around them. Admire how focusing in on an object or the rhythmic suck of their hand calms them.

Grow My Brain

Your baby is exquisitely sensitive to your touch, words and affirmation. Every loving response and every social experience will leave imprints on their brain, major transformations at this time of rapid brain development. When your baby is in a quiet, alert state, take every opportunity to interact. You will be deepening their sense of security and laying the foundations of a relationship that will last a lifetime.

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Learning What Your Newborn Baby Is Saying – Brazelton Centre UK

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Right from birth and well before your baby speaks their first words, they are communicating with you through their behaviour. This communication can be as clear as a good loud cry or as subtle as a slight movement of their eyebrow. Think of all your baby’s movements, expressions and responses as phrases they use to communicate with you- the unspoken words of their first language. Watch for, observe and interpret the meaning of your baby’s signals and cues and you will soon become familiar with what they are saying and get to know them very well.

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Whether it's sleep deprivation, money worries, new responsibilities, or the relationship dynamic shifting, dads also have a lot to take on board. This is a huge life change for both parents. On top of this, dads might feel guilty about what their partner is going through, knowing they aren't the ones breastfeeding at 3am or healing from labour and birth.

Here's what you need to know about postnatal depression in men.

1. Dads can experience depression in the first year after birth

The number of men who become depressed in the first year after becoming a dad is double that of the general population (Davé et al, 2010). First time dads are particularly vulnerable (Fatherhood institute, 2010). One in ten dads-to-be will also become depressed during their partner's pregnancy (Stadtlander, 2015).

2. Postnatal depression in men often goes undiagnosed

The peak time for postnatal depression in men is three to six months after the birth (Fatherhood Institute, 2010). As with postnatal depression in mums, it often goes undiagnosed. The symptoms can look a lot like the everyday stresses of having a newborn (Musser et al, 2013).

"If you have concerns about your own or your partner's mental health, do seek help from your GP who can help you to access support services."

3. Hormonal changes can play a role

Just as with mums, changes in hormones might make postnatal depression in dads more likely (Saxbe et al, 2017). Hormones including testosterone, oestrogen, cortisol, vasopressin, and prolactin may change in dads during the period after their babies arrive (Kim and Swain, 2007).

4. Postnatal depression in dads is more likely if there is maternal postnatal depression too

If one of you is experiencing emotional or mental health difficulties, it's more likely that the other is too. Of fathers with depressed partners, 24% to 50% experience depression themselves (Fatherhood Institute, 2010).

5. A range of factors can make dads more likely to get postnatal depression

Dads who are under 25 are more likely to go through postnatal depression than their older counterparts (Davé et al, 2010). Yet age isn't the only risk factor for postnatal depression in men. Other major risk factors include a history of depression and anxiety; financial pressures, and evidence also shows that not being in a relationship with the child's mother (Huang and Warner, 2005; Wee et al, 2010; Nazareth, 2011).

Other factors that make postnatal depression in men more likely include: sleeping or crying issues with the baby; drug abuse or dependence; and feeling unsupported by their partners (Huang and Warner, 2005; Fatherhood Institute, 2010; Stadtlander, 2015). However, the cause and effect is unclear so these factors might not necessarily be the direct cause of mental health difficulties.

6. Postnatal depression in dads can show itself in different ways

Symptoms can include:

fear, confusion, helplessness and uncertainty about the future

withdrawal from family life, work and social situations

indecisiveness

frustration, irritability, cynicism and anger

marital conflict

partner violence

negative parenting behaviours

alcohol and drug use

physical symptoms like indigestion, changes in appetite and weight, diarrhoea, constipation, headaches, toothaches and nausea.

(Musser et al, 2013; Stadtlander, 2015)

7. Postnatal depression in dads can take its toll on their relationships

Postnatal depression in dads canaffect their relationship with the baby's mother. It can also affect the relationship they have with their child. They may play and engage less with their children and talk more negatively about and to them. They may sing and read less to their children, and may discipline them more harshly.

8. Postnatal depression in dads can have an impact on the development of their child

Dads' depression is associated with emotional, social and behavioural problems as well as developmental delay in their children (Fatherhood Institute, 2010). The association is stronger when a father experiences antenatal as well as postnatal depression, and when his symptoms are particularly severe. There is also a stronger association when mum also has mental health problems (Stadtlander, 2015).

9. Screening is available

You might associate screening more with physical illnesses but mental health diagnoses are slowly catching up. Men who are concerned should pop over to NHS Choices and use the depression screening tool. If you're concerned, see your GP or call NHS 111.

10. Postnatal depression in dads is treated the same as postnatal depression in mums

The treatment of paternal postnatal depression is in its early stages. Currently, the options for treatment are the same as for mothers with psychotropic medication and/or talking therapies (Nazareth, 2011; NHS Choices, 2016). Relationship counselling may also be useful (Musser et al, 2013).

Most, importantly share how you're feeling. You're not alone and support is available.

This page was last reviewed in February 2018

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Postnatal depression in dads: 10 things you should know

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Whether it's sleep deprivation, money worries, new responsibilities, or the relationship dynamic shifting, dads also have a lot to take on board. This is a huge life change for both parents. On top of this, dads might feel guilty about what their partner is going through, knowing they aren't the ones breastfeeding at 3am or healing from labour and birth.

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When will they sleep through the night??

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When will they sleep through the night??

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xpecting your first baby? An inescapable truth is that you are about to lose a lot of sleep. You will know by now that seasoned, weather-beaten parents relish sharing this news. "It's all about survival in the early days," friends would say, when I was pregnant. "Enjoy those lie-ins while you can!"

By the time my daughter arrived, I had collected a small armoury of tools for the battle against her anticipated wakefulness. Swaddles, blackout blinds, a white-noise machine; for months after she was born, I used apps to obsessively track her "wake windows" and sleep totals to the minute, determined to crack the code for a good night's sleep. When I think back to her first summer, I'm transported to my in-laws' attic bedroom, where I spent hours in the dark, sound machine blaring, rocking her - willing her - to nap. But no matter what I did, my daughter never slept well, and I nearly drove myself mad in pursuit of discovering why.

Sleep deprivation can be so mind-bendingly hard that many parents are, understandably, consumed by it, and studies have shown poor sleep quality is an indicator for postpartum depression. But, looking back, I can't help but feel that part of what made infant sleep such a charged subject for me was mismanaged expectations.

By the time my daughter was six months old, the question on everyone's lips seemed to be: "Is she sleeping through the night yet?" The idea that those hazy, sleep-deprived early days pass just as quickly as they come, in a blur of milk stains and unwashed hair, is deeply entrenched. As is the notion that if they don't, it is a result of "bad habits", parent codependency or worse, incompetence.

The truth is more complicated. Yes, there are things any parent can do to encourage sleep, but the reality is some babies sleep well and some don't. And sleep can be tricky to navigate well beyond the baby phase. Nearly 30% of two-year-olds have frequent night wakings, according to one study. Nightmares, illness and separation anxiety can all prove extremely challenging to manage when a toddler can get themselves out of their bed at night and call, unrelentingly, for Mum and Dad in a tiny, frightened voice. Another study found that new parents can expect to be sleep-deprived for up to six years after the birth of their first child. And yet, telling people my two-year-old still wakes at night has a tendency to elicit a gasp of horror.

Sleep seems to have morphed in our collective understanding from an innate biological process that we have little control over to the ultimate show of parenting competence: if you just master the right formula, a full night's sleep will be your reward. Partly this is fuelled by a lucrative industry of sleep consultants that has emerged in recent years to "fix" families' sleep problems, with many promoting the holy grail of baby sleep - 7pm to 7am, independent and uninterrupted.

But a one-size-fits-all approach to sleep is often incompatible with healthy biological instincts. For instance, babies waking to breastfeed at night for the first six months and beyond is normal and healthy, both for their development and a mother's milk supply. Also, such attitudes stoke feelings of shame and anxiety in parents whose babies won't conform, and force them into making distressing choices, believing them to be in their child's best interests.

One parent told me he stopped his toddler's night-time wakings by holding his bedroom door shut every night for a week while his son screamed inconsolably on the other side. Some parents simply have to prioritise their mental health when it comes to sleep, and I can't blame them. But I don't need to trial this method to know it would break me before it would break my daughter's resolve to make her way into my bed in the early hours and sleep pressed against me, nose to nose.

A creeping commodification of baby sleep pathologises what could be more accurately described as simple "CBS" - or "crazy baby shit" - a term coined by a friend when our babies were small to describe those maddening, unexplainable inconsistencies in baby behaviour in the first year and beyond: why one week they slept and the next they didn't; why one day broccoli was their favourite, the next it was refused, never to be touched again.

Division of responsibility is often cited as a helpful way for parents to understand their duties towards their kids at mealtimes. Parents decide what to serve, but ultimately it is up to the child to decide if and how much they eat. It has also proved to be a useful formula to follow for many of the negotiations that come with raising a toddler. I decide when and how I put my daughter to bed; she decides when she will sleep through the night. I know that day will come - sooner or later.

I can't deny there is some shame attached to our current situation - am I failing her in some way? Is it my fault that I'm still this tired? But when I meet expectant parents now, I try not to burden them with the horrors of sleepless nights. Instead, if they ask, I tell them that my most valuable lesson since our daughter came barrelling into our lives has been trying, wherever possible, however hard, to relinquish control.

Lucy Pasha-Robinson is the Guardian's assistant Opinion editor

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Baby sleep has become a sign of parenting competence - and a source of shame | Lucy Pasha-Robinson

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Expectations around infant sleep are often way off, says the Guardian's assistant Opinion editor, Lucy Pasha-Robinson

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Basis information sheets are provided for you to download and print as required, free of charge. Download and/or print our latest A5 flyer - ideal for introducing Basis to parents or colleagues. Our Info Sheets on 'Where Babies Sleep' and 'Bedsharing & Safety' have been endorsed by NICE as suitable resources for health practitioners to use in implementing the new NICE cosleeping and SIDS recommendations in UK.

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Mention you've had a baby, and almost everyone will ask one thing: how is she sleeping?

After all, many exhausted parents look forward to the time when their baby finally sleeps through the night. Particularly in the West, an industry of sleep coaches, books and articles has sprung up, promising to help families achieve what many see as the holy grail: a baby who sleeps in a crib, alone, all night, and has several long naps during the day. Even some paediatricians warn parents that, if these goals aren't reached, children are less likely to get the sleep they need to grow and thrive.

But not only is this idea of independent, uninterrupted baby sleep far from universal, it is also very different to how human infants have slept through most of our species' history. Taken too far, it can cause a great deal of anxiety and stress for parents - and even be unsafe for the babies themselves.

"The way in which we sleep now in the 21st Century is kind of odd, in an evolutionary sense, because we weren't evolved to sleep like we're dead for an eight-hour period, and not wake up, in total silence and total darkness," says Helen Ball, professor of anthropology at Durham University and the director of the Durham Infancy and Sleep Centre. "But that's what people in Western societies have become accustomed to.

"And that affects the way in which we think about what babies should be able to do, and how babies should be treated." (Read more about how sleeping through the night is a relatively new phenomenon, even for adults.)

Sleeping enough?
Worrying about whether babies are getting enough sleep isn't new. The first "scientific" guidelines date as early as 1897, when, in a book on sleep for the London-based Contemporary Science Series, a Russian physician recommended that newborns should sleep 22 hours a day. Throughout the following century, although these suggested amounts declined, recommended sleep consistently ran around 37 minutes more than the actual sleep babies were getting, paving the way for decades of concerned parents.

Experts agree that sleep is crucial for babies and young children (and, for that matter, for adults). A lack of sleep has been associated with cardiometabolic risk factors, an increased risk of ADHD and low cognitive performance, and with poorer emotional regulation, academic achievement and quality of life.

Many of these longer-term findings, however, involve school-aged children, not babies. They are also correlations, not causations. The only way to know if a certain amount (or lack) of sleep "causes" a specific condition such as ADHD, as might seem to be suggested by research showing a correlation between children who consistently slept less overnight and ADHD, would be to set up a randomised controlled study. This would involve sleep-depriving one group of children over years. That's obviously unethical. So, it is difficult to unravel how much of the association may be the reverse: children with ADHD may simply sleep less.

In a global context, the 7pm bedtime can seem quite arbitrary. In plenty of cultures, babies and children go to sleep later - around 10:45pm in the Middle East, 9:45pm in Asia and 10pm in Italy - and wake up later, too.

A number of studies have associated an earlier bedtime with outcomes like better academic performance and a lower risk of obesity. But that research has involved preschoolers and older children, not babies. It's also unclear if it's the bedtime that inherently makes any difference. Since school and other routines for children tend to start earlier in the day, the early-to-bed children tend to get more sleep overall, for example, and families who put their children to bed early may prioritise healthy habits in other ways. Unravelling these other factors is not simple.

Family Tree

This article is part of Family Tree, a series of features from the BBC that explore the issues and opportunities that parents, children and families face all over the world. You might also be interested in some other stories about brain development and education:

You can also climb new branches of the Family Tree on BBC Worklife.

There also is limited evidence that younger children release melatonin, the "darkness hormone" which makes us drowsy, earlier in the evening than adults. But it's not quite as early as many people think. One small study in Providence, Rhode Island, found, for example, that even in the US, where children tend to be put to sleep early, the average toddler didn't experience dim light melatonin onset until 7:40pm. Naps can also push back melatonin release. And it is worth noting that because this hormone release is a process, not an on-off switch, that's not to say that 7:40pm is an optimal bedtime - it could be even later.

For some families, a seven-to-seven nighttime works brilliantly. But for others, trying to force it can cause its own sleep issues. "Our data suggest that if young children are put to bed at a biologically non-optimal time, they will not feel ready for bed and will resist (e.g. come out of the bedroom for another drink of water, call-out, refuse bedtime, tantrum)," write the researchers of the Rhode Island study. And if your baby turns out not to need a full 12 hours of sleep per night, then getting him or her to sleep at 7pm can have unintended consequences - like "split nights", where a baby wakes for an extended period of time in the middle of the night, or an extremely early start.

A more flexible approach to sleep may also facilitate responsive feeding, which means responding to a baby's hunger cues, rather than feeding on a set schedule. Also known as "baby-led" or "on-demand" feeding, responsive feeding is recommended by associations like the UK's National Health Service (NHS), Unicef, the UK parenting charity NCT and the American Academy of Pediatrics, regardless of whether breast- or bottle-feeding.

Studies suggest that a baby-led approach has a number of advantages over a strict, parent-imposed schedule or routine. Research has found, for example, that the more parents controlled their baby's feeds, the more likely the child gained either too much or too little weight (although, as the authors note, "does nonresponsive feeding cause child obesity, or do parents of obese children react to concerns about their child's obesity by using nonresponsive feeding strategies?"). It also can affect breastfeeding: feeding responsively is key for establishing a milk supply, scheduling feeds is also linked to stopping breastfeeding earlier, and mothers who read books promoting strict sleep and feeding routines were less likely to breastfeed at all.

"It could either be that mothers who want a routine stop breastfeeding, or that the routine lowers milk supply," says Amy Brown, public health professor at the UK's Swansea University and director of the centre for Lactation, Infant Feeding and Translation and author of two of the latter studies. "Both, probably."

Observing and following the baby's needs may also benefit the parents' mental health. Parent-led routines are linked to higher levels of reported anxiety among mothers. Another study co-authored by Brown found that mothers who used baby books that promoted strict routines were more likely to say they felt depressed, stressed and less confident in their parenting abilities - though it's worth noting that stressed-out parents might be more likely to turn to these baby books or routines to begin with.

Ultimately, sleep researchers say, it doesn't have to be that complicated. To know what's optimal for any individual baby - whether a strict routine organised around seven-to-seven sleep, or something else - look at that baby.

"I always say to parents, if your baby during the day is generally happy, then they're probably fine. If they're grumpy, they're irritable, maybe it's their sleep," says Hiscock.
Sleeping through the night
If hitting a certain number of hours of sleep at set times weren't enough, many parents are also told to aim for another goal: for their baby's sleep to be "consolidated".

Sleep coaches and books often say that this deeper, non-stop sleep is better for an infant's development (not to mention less disruptive for parents). But even if 12 hours of sleep without any arousals were an optimal goal, it's a biologically challenging one - as well as one that, if successful, could put babies at risk. (Read more about what really happens when babies are sleep-trainedWhat).

All humans wake between sleep cycles. As adults, if we have our basic needs met (we don't need another blanket or to go to the toilet) and relaxed (who hasn't woken up worrying about a work presentation or an argument?), after we rouse slightly, we go right back to sleep. This is why most of us don't remember these arousals in the morning.

But adult sleep cycles tend to be longer, about 90 minutes. A baby's can be half that length. And, unlike adults, babies can't meet their own needs, so they often arouse more fully.

The most obvious example is for feeding. Compared to other primates, humans have relatively large brains but narrow birth canals, possibly to help us balance while walking on two feet. As a result, babies are born far more neurologically immature than other mammals - a newborn's brain volume is one-third an adult's.

This means that human newborns need a lot of energy to develop quickly after birth. They're also relatively helpless, requiring constant closeness to their caregiver. As a result, instead of being high-fat - which would satiate a baby and allow them to be left alone for longer periods - breast milk is high-sugar, which is digested quickly and requires more frequent feeds. Add to that the fact that newborns have tiny stomachs, holding just 20ml (0.7fl oz) at a time (around four teaspoons), and it's clear why they need to feed so frequently day and night.

"Young babies, they wake. That's what they do: they feed and they wake," says Wendy Hall, a professor emeritus in the University of British Columbia School of Nursing and a long-time paediatric sleep researcher. "Over time they start to develop a longer biological sleep period at night. By three months, that could be five or six hours if you're doing well. And that's a gift.

"But it doesn't mean you're not getting up two or three times a night to feed them. It just means there may be a little bit longer stretch in there where they have a little bit longer sleep."

As babies get older, feeding around the clock becomes less common. By six months of age, many sleep researchers say that healthy, normal-weight babies don't "need" to feed at night, at least in terms of nutrition. (Lactation experts often disagree, pointing out that, left to their own devices, babies still wake to feed after six months of age.) But waking and needing a caregiver for other reasons is still common. This is especially true throughout their first year of life, when babies are most vulnerable and their nervous systems the most immature.

One recent study of 5,700 Finnish children found that three-month-olds woke and needed resettling an average of 2.2 times a night - though the range was anywhere between 0 and 15 times. This persisted throughout the baby's first year. Eight in 10 parents of both three-month-olds and eight-month-olds said their babies woke more than five nights a week. After 12 months, this changed dramatically - almost two-thirds of 18-month-olds, and nearly three-quarters of two-year-olds, no longer needed resettling at night. The study also found that sleep quality was "highly variable", especially until the age of two.

Other studies have had similar findings. One study using time-lapse videos of 80 infants over four nights, for example, found that the number of night wakes didn't change over the first year of life. Interestingly, however, caregivers responded to them less frequently over time. "Infants continued to awaken as much throughout the first year of life but were not removed from their cribs for as long at older ages," the researchers write.

It is important to note that, while wakes may still be common among older babies and even toddlers, it's worth getting a medical assessment to rule out any health reasons for frequent, sustained waking, such as reflux or a tongue tie. (Read more about the dangers of tongue-tie).
Why waking isn't bad

As frustrating as it can be for tired parents, there is another reason babies have evolved to arouse frequently: their own protection.

When it comes to sudden infant death syndrome (SIDS), one potentially risky stage of sleep for babies is deep sleep or "slow wave sleep". In this stage, babies can suddenly stop breathing. A healthy infant will rouse. But a baby with risk factors (potentially undetected, like a brainstem abnormality) may not.

Prematurely pushing a baby towards longer, deeper sleep, therefore, can increase SIDS risk, says James McKenna, the founder and director of the Mother-Baby Behavioral Sleep Laboratory at the University of Notre Dame and endowed chair in anthropology at Santa Clara University, California.

The most infamous example is putting a baby to sleep on their stomach, or "prone". While this does seem to help babies sleep more deeply, it also makes SIDS up to 13 times more likely. After campaigns around the world told parents to put babies to sleep on their backs, SIDS rates plummeted.

"We created the SIDS epidemic," McKenna says simply. "We wanted to promote this idea of early consolidation of sleep - deep sleep, uninterrupted sleep, with less arousals. So we promoted this notion of putting babies prone so that they didn't wake as much and rouse as much, an independent risk factor for SIDS."

What about longer, deeper chunks of sleep, without arousals, being better for babies' development? While a common perception, it's not one that the research bears out.

Sleep researcher Jodi Mindell looked at 117 infants and toddlers at regular intervals over an 18-month period. "What we found in our data, which was done in the United States, is no real relationship between sleep and later cognitive development," says Mindell, who is an associate director of the Sleep Center at the Children's Hospital of Philadelphia. Her team even found a modest relationship between more night wakings and better cognitive outcomes.

Another study, from Canada, looked at the sleep of more than 350 six- and 12-month-old infants and their mental and motor skills at 36 months of age. There were "no significant associations between sleeping through the night and later mental development, psychomotor development, or maternal mood," the authors write. However, "sleeping through the night was associated with a much lower rate of breastfeeding", they add.

And the largest, longest longitudinal study done on babies who received behavioural interventions to reduce sleep problems like night wakes found no difference between the children's sleep habits, behaviour, emotional regulation or quality of life at six years old.

What does sometimes show up is a relationship between a lack of sleep and poorer social and emotional development - though that's regarding less sleep overall, not whether a baby is waking frequently.

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Mention you've had a baby, and almost everyone will ask one thing: how is she sleeping? After all, many exhausted parents look forward to the time when their baby finally sleeps through the night.

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a lecture about the science...

What is Normal Infant Sleep: the view from Anthropology

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Why does my baby want to be held all the time?

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Why does my baby want to be held all the time?

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"He sleeps really well but only when he's laying on my chest, he hates his moses basket" "She cries every time we lay her on her play mat" "He hates going in his pram, he cries the second we put him in it".
If I had a pound every time I heard these from a new parent I'd be a very rich lady by now! What amazes me though is that society in general doesn't get it, they don't get why so many babies need to be held by us to settle and what perplexes me even more is that we do spend so long trying to put them down! We spend more than time though, the 'putting babies down' industry is worth millions, rocking cribs, battery swings, vibrating chairs, heartbeat teddies and the list goes on..................having been a first time parent who bought all four of the items listed above I am embarrased to admit now it honestly didn't enter into my head that perhaps the answer was to *not* put my baby down and I certainly didn't consider why these things might help. It took me a long time to understand and empathise with my baby, to see the world through his eyes so to speak.
"Empathy: the intellectual identification with or vicarious experiencing ofthe feelings, thoughts, or attitudes of another."
To empathise with our newborns feelings we need to put ourselves in their place, to imagine experiencing their world - but which world? The world they have spent most of their life in, their 'womb world' or the world they are in now - our world. To fully understand we must appreciate the enormous transition they have made - a concept known to many as 'The Fourth Trimester' -some make the womb to world transition easily, others less so and it is this latter group in particular "the clingy babies" we can learn so much from through this concept.
"Birth suddenly disrupts this organization. During the month following birth, baby tries to regain his sense of organization and fit into life outside the womb. Birth and adaptation to postnatal life bring out the temperament of the baby, so for the first time he must do something to have his needs met. He is forced to act, to "behave." If hungry, cold, or startled, he cries. He must make an effort to get the things he needs from his caregiving environment. If his needs are simple and he can get what he wants easily, he's labeled an "easy baby"; if he does not adapt readily, he is labeled "difficult."" - Dr. William Sears.
So lets quickly compare the two different 'worlds' your baby has lived in:

Pretty different huh? On top of this the big thing to understand is that in utero the baby's world was constant, each day was the same, the stimulation didn't change, but now they are born each day is different - ever changing, ever stimulating!

The concept of the fourth trimester helps us to understand the transition a newborn must make over their first few weeks earthside and once we understand we find so many ways we can help - but to me the most important facet of the fourth trimester is parental understanding and empathy, once that exists everything else will flow naturally.

Here are some common newborn calming techniques that tend to work quite well, but remember each and every baby is different, if you don't already know, you will soon learn what your baby likes best and that's what matters, that it is unique to *your* baby. Prescriptive 'do this/don't do this' baby calming lists don't help anybody - because they forget they are dealing with individuals - both parents and babies! Some things on this list will be inappropriate for you and your baby, some simply won't work, some you won't like - and that's OK! because really it isn't about these tips it's about you and your baby getting to know each other!
Movement
The womb is a constantly moving space, Braxton Hicks would squeeze your baby at the end of pregnancy and each time you moves your baby was wobbled around inside. Imagine how walking upstairs feels for a baby in utero! Babies tend to love movement but so often we put them down somewhere completely still. You could try dancing, swaying from side to side, going for an exaggerated quick walk or bumpy car ride.
Skin to Skin Contact
Such a brilliant baby calmer! Being in contact with your warm, naturally (un)scented, skin is heaven for a baby, it helps to stabilise their body temperature, heart rate and stress hormones and stimulates the release of oxytocin - the love and bonding hormone - in you both. Topless cuddles, shared baths, baby massage and bedsharing are all great skin to skin experiences for your baby and you.
Bed-Sharing
Sharing a bed with your baby is an amazing way of getting more sleep for everyone, babies are generally much calmer and sleep more easily if they sleep with you in your bed, yet it is such a taboo topic and although 60% of parents will share a bed with their baby at some point it's a subject that makes society very uncomfortable, but...it is an *amazing* baby calmer! It's really important that you think about how bedsharing will work and follow some important safety guidelines HERE.
Swaddling
Imagine how snug your baby was at the very end of your pregnancy inside of you - now imagine how strange it must feel to them after they have been born and have so much space around them! The absolutely best thing you can do is to envelop your baby in your arms, but for times when you don't want to or indeed can't then swaddling is an option. Swaddling is becoming increasingly popular, however there are important safety guidelines to be followed if you choose to swaddle your baby, if you are breastfeeding please make sure feeding is established before swaddling and take care not to miss your baby's hunger cues if you are feeding on demand:

Never swaddle over your baby's head or near his face

Never swaddle your baby if he is ill or has a fever

Make sure your baby does not overheat and only swaddle with a breathable/thin fabric

Only swaddle your baby until he can roll over**

Always place your baby to sleep on his back

Do not swaddle tightly across your baby's chest

Do not swaddle tightly around your baby's hips and legs, his legs should be free to "froggy up" into a typical newborn position.

Lastly start to swaddle as soon as possible, do not swaddle a 3 month old baby if he has not been swaddled before.

** The American Academy of Paediatrics recommends swaddling for babies 0-14wks. Babywearing
Wearing your baby in a sling is one of the ultimate ways to keep them calm and happy. It increases the time a baby spends in a state of "quiet alertness" - a time of contentment when they learn the most. When a baby is in utero they spend 100% of their time in physical contact with us - yet the moment they are born this is estimated to drop to only 40%! Babywearing also means 2 free hands!

Choose your sling carefully. A good sling will be easy to use and will support both yours and your baby's spine whilst not placing any pressure on your baby's growing hips - newborns should always be carried facing inwards with a "frog leg" pose, not a crotch dangle pose so commonly used by commercial baby carriers. Also seek to carry in an 'in arms' position - i.e: how your baby would be held if you were holding them! This great picture from JePorteMonBebe highlights this newborn hold position perfectly.

Babywearing is a great way for dads to bond with babies!

It is quite common for a baby to cry once placed in a sling, this does not mean that they hate the sling - it just means that you need to move, so get dancing! As with swaddling,babywearing is becoming increasingly popular, however there are important safety guidelines to be followed, the TICKS acronym below neatly sums them all up:
Position
The "tiger in the tree" position below, taken from baby yoga, is often magical, stopping a crying baby in an instant!

Noise
Babies love sound, but for many not the sound you might think. For many babies a hoover is much more calming to a baby than a lullaby. A special white noise recording, such as , can be played on loop whilst your baby sleeps to help keep them calm.
Feed
If your baby is hungry nothing will calm him, so watch for his hunger cues. Feeding is always better if it is baby led, not led by a routine - whether you are breast or bottle feeding. Remember as well that your baby may not always be hungry for a full feed, they may want a quick drink, a quick snack or just some comfort sucking. Babies also find sucking the ultimate relaxation and comfort tool. Sucking helps a baby's skull bones to return to their normal position after birth as well as providing them with comfort and security. If you are not breastfeeding you might find your baby will relax when given a dummy/pacifier.
Deep Bathing
The womb is a wet, warm place. The world as we know it is dry and cold! Sometimes a nice deep, warm bath can stop a baby's tears in seconds - even better if mummy or daddy goes in the big bath with baby too as skin to skin contact is a wonderful baby calmer.
Outside
If all else fails many babies stop crying the minute they hit the open air - I'm not sure if this is because we are usually moving (e.g.: walking over cobbles with the buggy/ bouncing in a sling and the drone and movement of a car) or because of the change in air - but it works!
What have you found calms your newborn? The NEWLY UPDATED Gentle Sleep Book - out now! If you would like to understand and learn how to improve your baby's sleep WITHOUT cry-based conventional sleep training, this is the book for you! p.s: Come and chat with me on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram Or watch my videos on YouTube You can also sign up for my free parenting newsletter HERE.

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The Fourth Trimester - AKA Why Your Newborn Baby is Only Happy in Your Arms

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"My baby is only happy in my arms, the minute I put her down she cries" "He sleeps really well but only when he's laying on my chest, he hates his moses basket" "She cries every time we lay her on ...

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What is Normal Infant Sleep? the view from Anthropology

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PND Awareness & Support

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Association of Postnatal Illness

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Postnatal depression is a type of depression that many parents experience after having a baby.
It's a common problem, affecting more than 1 in every 10 women within a year of giving birth. It can also affect fathers and partners.

It's important to get help as soon as possible if you think you might be depressed, as your symptoms could last for months or get worse and have a significant impact on you, your baby and your family.

With the right support most people make a full recovery.

Depression during pregnancy

Depression in pregnancy (antenatal depression) is also common, affecting more than 1 in 10 women.

Other mental health symptoms that can occur during or after your pregnancy include anxiety, panic attacks and psychosis.
Read more about mental health in pregnancy

Symptoms of postnatal depression

Many women feel a bit down, tearful or anxious in the first week after giving birth.

This is often called the " baby blues" and is so common that it's considered normal.

The "baby blues" do not last for more than 2 weeks after giving birth.

If your symptoms last longer or start later, you could have postnatal depression.

Postnatal depression can start any time in the first year after giving birth.

Signs that you or someone you know might be depressed include:

a persistent feeling of sadness and low mood

lack of enjoyment and loss of interest in the wider world

lack of energy and feeling tired all the time

trouble sleeping at night and feeling sleepy during the day

finding it difficult to look after yourself and your baby

withdrawing from contact with other people

problems concentrating and making decisions

frightening thoughts - for example, about hurting your baby

Many women do not realise they have postnatal depression because it can develop gradually.

Speak to a GP, midwife or health visitor as soon as possible if:

you think you may be depressed

Many midwives and health visitors have been trained to recognise postnatal depression and have techniques that can help.

Remember that:

a range of help and support is available, including talking therapy

depression is an illness like any other

it's not your fault you're depressed - it can happen to anyone

being depressed does not mean you're a bad parent

it does not mean you're going mad

your baby will not be taken away from you - babies are only taken into care in very exceptional circumstances

Treatments for postnatal depression

Postnatal depression can be lonely, distressing and frightening, but support and effective treatments are available.

These include:

self-help - things you can try yourself include talking to your family and friends about your feelings and what they can do to help, making time for yourself to do things you enjoy, resting whenever you get the chance, getting as much sleep as you can at night, exercising regularly, and eating a healthy diet

talking therapy - a GP may be able to recommend a self-help course or may refer you for a course of therapy, such as cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT)

antidepressants - these may be recommended if your depression is more severe or other treatments have not helped; your doctor can prescribe a medicine that's safe to take while breastfeeding

Local and national organisations, such as the Association for Post Natal Illness (APNI) and Pre and Postnatal Depression Advice and Support (PANDAS), can also be useful sources of help and advice.

Causes of postnatal depression

The cause of postnatal depression is not completely clear.

There are a number of things that may make you more likely to have postnatal depression. These include:

a history of mental health problems, particularly depression, earlier in life

a history of mental health problems during pregnancy

having no close family or friends to support you

a difficult relationship with your partner

recent stressful life events, such as a bereavement

physical or psychological trauma, such as domestic violence

Even if you do not have any of these, having a baby is a life-changing event that can sometimes trigger depression.

It often takes time to adapt to becoming a new parent. Looking after a baby can be stressful and exhausting.

Preventing postnatal depression

There are things you can do during pregnancy to help you keep well, such as maintaining a healthy lifestyle and having someone you can talk to and turn to for support.

Going to antenatal classes and making friends with other pregnant women or new parents can also be helpful.

If you are pregnant or thinking about getting pregnant, talk to a GP or your mental health team if:

you have a history of depression or mental health problems

someone in your family has had mental health problems after childbirth (for example, your mother or sister)

This is so they can offer you appropriate treatment.

You can also talk to a midwife, who can support you or refer you to specialist mental health services if needed. If you have had a mental health problem while pregnant, your doctor should arrange for you to be seen regularly in the first few weeks after birth.

The mental health team, maternity team and GP will work closely with you during your pregnancy and after you have given birth.

Myths about postnatal depression

Postnatal depression is often misunderstood and there are many myths surrounding it.

These include:

postnatal depression is less severe than other types of depression - in fact, it's as serious as other types of depression

postnatal depression is entirely caused by hormonal changes - it's actually caused by many different factors

postnatal depression will soon pass - unlike the "baby blues", postnatal depression can persist for months if left untreated and in a minority of cases it can become a long-term problem

postnatal depression only affects women - research has actually found that up to 1 in 10 new fathers become depressed after having a baby

These factors are equally true of antenatal depression.

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Postnatal depression is a type of depression that many parents experience after having a baby. It's a common problem, affecting more than 1 in every 10 women within a year of giving birth. It can also affect fathers and partners.

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especially if they miss the 6-8 week check

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What is swaddling?

Swaddling is a traditional practice of wrapping a baby up gently in a light, breathable blanket to help them feel calm and sleepy. They should only have their body wrapped and not their neck or head, to reduce the chance of suffocation.

The idea is that being swaddled will help your little one feel snug and secure, just like in your womb.

What are the benefits of swaddling my little one?

Some people say that swaddling seems to help their little one to settle more easily and sleep for longer, others find that it can help calm their baby. Research has shown swaddling, used alongside sound and movement, to be effective at soothing crying babies (Möller et al, 2019; Nelson, 2017). It can also encourage babies to sleep deeper and for longer (Nelson, 2017).

Another study found that babies who were born early and were swaddled were calmer and had improved neuromuscular development and better muscle tone, and it soothed pain and discomfort (Sleuwen et al, 2007; Kitase et al, 2017).

What are the risks of swaddling my baby?

It has been suggested that early swaddling could affect breastfeeding if babies are prevented from having skin to skin contact during feeding. However, research has not found long-term negative effects on breastfeeding (Nelson, 2017; Kelly et al, 2017).

Some people have questioned if encouraging a baby to sleep more deeply at night is beneficial for them as being asleep for longer periods reduces the time they are awake, interacting with and learning from their environment (St James-Roberts, 2012).

Natural positioning

Some evidence suggests that tightly swaddling a baby's hips could increase their chance of developing hip dysplasia (a developmental problem with a baby's hip joint) (Clarke, 2014; Nelson, 2017). Making sure your baby's legs have enough space to be able to bend up and out at the hips allows for the natural development of the hip joints (Clarke, 2014).

Is swaddling my baby safe?

Swaddling presents a very low risk for babies, if you follow safe sleeping and hip friendly swaddling guidance (Nelson, 2017; McDonnell & Moon 2017). Current baby sleeping advice is to always lay your little one down to sleep on their back and avoid front or side positions for sleep, particularly if your baby is swaddled (Pease et al, 2016). In addition, you should stop swaddling your baby when they show the first signs of rolling over (Nelson, 2017).

What safety points do I need to consider?

Follow these seven safe and hip friendly swaddling tips:

1. Consider your baby's temperature and their environment to prevent overheating. Check their temperature regularly and make sure they are wearing suitable clothes for the weather. Do not swaddle them if they are unwell or have a fever (Lullaby Trust, 2021).

2. Swaddle your baby using thin materials such as a small, cotton sheet or muslin square. Do not place any additional material on top of a swaddled baby, for example a blanket which could cause them to overheat. Follow safe sleep guidance, laying your baby on a firm, flat surface clear of any other items (The Lullaby Trust, 2021).

3. Don't swaddle your baby above their shoulders - their neck and head should never be swaddled. Ensure any material is secure and won't come loose as your baby moves, to avoid suffocation (The Lullaby Trust, 2021).

4. Use hip-healthy swaddling techniques to reduce the chance of hip dysplasia. Make sure your baby is able to move their hips and knees freely to kick. Your baby's legs should be able to fall into a natural position (like frog legs) rather than straight down.

5. Always put your baby to sleep on their back. Never put a swaddled baby to sleep on their front or side (The Lullaby Trust, 2021; McDonnell & Moon, 2017; Pease et al, 2016; Nelson, 2017).

6. If you use a swaddle product or blanket check that it conforms to safety standards and is well fitted, without fault or damage. Follow the manufacturers guidance on age or weight ratings and consider using a lower tog rating to minimise overheating risks (McDonnell & Moon, 2017; The Lullaby Trust, 2021).

7. If someone else looks after your baby, make sure they also know about safe sleeping advice and how to swaddle safely. Take your time to show them and explain safe swaddling and make sure they know to always put your baby to sleep on their back (The Lullaby Trust, 2021).

How long can I safely swaddle my baby for?

Swaddling should only be introduced when your baby is a newborn. As soon as they show signs that they're learning to roll over or they can already roll over, you need to transition them away from swaddling (Pease et al, 2016; The Lullaby Trust 2021; McDonnell & Moon, 2017; Nelson, 2017).

For more about how to swaddle your baby read our step-by-step guide to swaddling.
This page was last reviewed in December 2021.
Our support line offers practical and emotional support with feeding your baby and general enquiries for parents, members and volunteers: 0333 252 5051.

You might find attending one of NCT's Early Days groups helpful as they give you the opportunity to explore different approaches to important parenting issues with a qualified group leader and other new parents in your area.

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Swaddling a baby: the benefits, risks and seven safety tips | Baby & toddler articles & support | NCT

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Swaddling has been used in different forms throughout the world since 4000BC and around 1 in 5 babies in the UK are swaddled in the first few weeks of life (Day, 2015). Some parents say it helps their baby to sleep, reducing crying and stress, but there are risks to be aware of (Day, 2015).

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"Is he in his own room yet?" is a question new parents often field once they emerge from the haze of life with a newborn. But sleeping apart from our babies is a relatively recent development - and not one that extends around the globe. In other cultures sharing a room, and sometimes a bed, with your baby is the norm.

This isn't the only aspect of new parenthood that Westerners do differently. From nap ping on a schedule and sleep training to pushing our children around in strollers, what we might think of as standard parenting practices are often anything but.

Parents in the US and UK are advised to have their babies sleep in the same room as them for at least the first six months, but many view this as a brief stopover on their way to a dedicated nursery.

In most other societies around the world, babies stick with their parents longer. A 2016 review that looked at research on children sharing not just a room but a bed with one or more of their parents found a high prevalence in many Asian countries: over 70% in India and Indonesia, for example, and over 80% in Sri Lanka and Vietnam. Research on bedsharing rates in countries across Africa is patchy, but where it does exist suggests the practice is near-universal.

Debmita Dutta, a doctor and parenting consultant in Bangalore, India, says that despite Western influences, bedsharing remains a strong tradition in India - even in households where children have their own rooms. "A family of four has three bedrooms, one each for each child and for the parents, and then you would find both the children in the parent's bed," she says. "It's that common."

Bedsharing is one way to reduce the burden of babies waking up at night, says Dutta. Her own daughter had a rollout bed next to her parents' that she could sleep on until she was seven years old. "Even after she stopped breastfeeding, she still liked to sleep with us in the same room," she says.

Many parents in Western societies instead turn to sleep training methods, the most extreme version of which involves leaving a baby on their own to "cry it out", in an effort to encourage their babies to sleep for longer stretches so their parents can get some much-needed rest. In Australia there are even state-funded residential sleep schools parents can check-into, to sleep train their children.

Encouraging early independence aligns with a typical Western cultural focus on individualism. For that reason, bedsharing can seem to some like giving in to your child, and encouraging them to stay dependent on their parents. But parents with a more collectivist mindset, like Dutta, usually don't see it that way. "You give them some self-confidence and some independence, they will separate from you on their own," she says. "They will not stick to you forever."
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Cultural factors affect not just where babies sleep, but when and how much they sleep, too.

Research by Jun Kohyama, CEO at the Tokyo Bay Urayasu Ichikawa Medical Center, and colleagues has found that babies in Japan tend to nap less than those in other Asian countries once they reach three months of age, possibly, he says, because "sleep is considered a lazy attitude in Japan".

Kohyama also found that children in Asian countries tend to have later bedtimes than their counterparts in predominantly-Caucasian countries. He thinks parents wanting to spend time with their children in the evenings is partly to blame. Bedsharing - the cultural norm in Japan - could also be a factor. "Parents feel their baby is a part of his or her own body," he says.

Though, as in the UK, the US American Academy of Pediatrics advises parents to share a room with their baby to reduce the risk of sudden infant death syndrome (SIDS), it warns against sharing a bed because bedsharing has been associated with an increased risk of SIDS.

But Rashmi Das, a professor in paediatrics at the All India Institute of Medical Sciences, Bhubaneswar, and author of a review on bedsharing safety, says that a lack of high-quality research on the topic makes it difficult to say whether bedsharing itself increases the risk of SIDS in the absence of other risk factors like smoking and drinking. "We could not tell whether bedsharing is actually increasing the risk of SIDS," says Das.

Studies on the topic mostly come from high-income countries, where bedsharing is less common. But low-income countries, where bedsharing is traditional, also have some of the lowest SIDS rates in the world.

It doesn't seem to be a simple issue of geography: when someone living in the West has imported their cultural practices from elsewhere, they bring the lower SIDS risk with them too. Families of Pakistani origin living in the UK, for example, have a lower SIDS risk than white British families - despite mothers commonly sharing a bed with their baby.

"It's the cultural practices that are associated with the lower SIDS," says Helen Ball, a professor of anthropology at the University of Durham and director of the university's Parent-Infant Sleep Lab. Mothers of Pakistani-origin in Bradford have higher rates of breastfeeding and are less likely to smoke, drink, and put their baby to sleep in a separate room - all factors that are known to reduce the risk of SIDS.

Das says he'd like to see bedsharing encouraged but "with a caution note that those persons who are bedsharing should not smoke, should not take alcohol, should not be very obese". UK SIDS-prevention charity The Lullaby Trust has advice for parents who want to make their bed a safe sleep surface for their baby.

Just as bedsharing keeps babies close during the night, babywearing provides a way to keep them close in the day while parents run errands or work around the house. Rather than a new trend, carrying children in a sling is something humans have done for as long as we've been around. It was only when prams became popular during the Victorian era that traditional baby carriers became less common among some sections of Western society. In the rest of the world, there are seemingly almost as many different ways to carry a baby as there are cultures in which babies are carried.

Even parents who don't use a sling will probably have noticed the instant calming effect of picking up their baby and moving with them. "They intuitively know that this kind of rhythmic motion, between 1-2 hertz, has some power to calm down a baby," says Kumi Kuroda at the Riken Centre for Brain Science in Japan.

Kuroda began looking into the physiological effects of carrying infants when she saw that previous research, which used parental diaries rather than real-time physiological measurements, didn't find any correlation between the amount of time babies were carried and the amount they cried. "I couldn't agree with that," she says.

Her research found that carrying a baby reduced their heart rate and movement as well as how much they cried. She says subsequent research found that movement without holding, such as transporting a baby in a pram or car seat, as well as holding without moving, also calms a baby over time, but that they work faster in combination.

Close contact, day and night, is what babies expect, biologically-speaking. In their first months they need to be fed frequently around the clock. Even when a baby's circadian rhythm develops and their sleep begins to consolidate during nighttime hours, waking during the night for at least their first year is normal.

"Babies' biology has not changed dramatically over hundreds or thousands of years," says Ball. "But our culture has changed dramatically, and our expectations of babies and of parenting has changed dramatically over the course of a few decades."

But the idea that night-waking is normal is not the message that new parents in the West are getting from family, friends and the wider culture. "We've sort of developed this cultural myth that babies shouldn't wake at night," says Ball.

That myth has consequences. Disturbed sleep in early parenthood has been associated with postpartum depression. But Ball says that trying to "fix" a baby's sleep isn't getting to the heart of the problem - instead, supporting the parents directly is more likely to improve their mental health.

"Parents who are depressed experience their baby's sleep disruption worse than parents who aren't," she says. "Our argument is that actually, we need to fix what's going on in the parents' heads, we need to support them to think about all of this in a different way." She put together the Baby Sleep Info Source to arm new parents with accurate information on baby sleep.

The idea that older babies "should" be able to sleep through the night comes from research from the 1950s that found, out of a group of 160 babies living in London, 70% began "sleeping through the night" by three months of age.

But the researchers defined "sleeping through" as not waking their parents by crying or fussing between the hours of midnight and 5am - far from the unbroken eight-hour stretch that many new parents long for - and not whether the babies themselves were actually asleep during that period. In any case, 30% of the babies hadn't begun sleeping longer stretches by that age, and half of the babies that were "sleeping through" reverted back to waking more at night later in their first year.

Even today, much research on infant sleep only looks at a specific subset of the global population. "So much of the research over the last several decades has been done on Western babies," says Ball.

While there are undoubtedly differences between cultures when it comes to how we care for babies, there are many differences within them, too. Not everyone in the West thinks a baby sleeping in their own room is ideal. In one study, for example, Italian parents called it "unkind".

Personal circumstances play a big part in how people care for their babies, and every parent finds their own particular way to do things. "All families are different, so a wide diversity is OK," says Kuroda.

For her part, Kuroda co-slept with her four children as a way to adapt to being away from them during the day. "I'm working full time and if I separate the whole night, it's really minimal time for the baby. We can intensely communicate, even in the nighttime. It's real communication and time together."

But she says, as with all parenting choices, people should find what works for them and their baby, rather than worrying too much about what anyone else is doing. "I think the parent and the infant can adapt to each other," she says. "It's like a tango."

The key to thinking outside the Western box might be to remember that babies are not out to manipulate us, no matter how tempting it might be to see it that way at 3am. "What we really need with babies is to stop thinking about them as hard-to-please bosses," says Dutta. "They're helpless little beings that have come into this world, and we must look at them with empathy and compassion."

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Is the Western way of raising kids weird?

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"Is he in his own room yet?" is a question new parents often field once they emerge from the haze of life with a newborn. But sleeping apart from our babies is a relatively recent development - and not one that extends around the globe.

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includes safer co-sleeping
advice

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reducing the risk of SIDS

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The safest cot is a clear cot

The safest cot for a baby is a clear cot. That means removing anything that isn't essential. Babies need just two items in their cot:

It's important to remove anything that isn't essential because items such as toys, blankets and bumpers could cover their face and obstruct their breathing.

When preparing your baby's sleep space, remember:

No pillows or duvets

No cot bumpers

No soft toys or comforters

No weighted or bulky bedding

No products designed to keep your baby in one sleeping position, such as wedges or straps

No pods or nests, rolled up towels or anything soft placed on top of the mattress.

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Safer sleep overview - The Lullaby Trust

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An easy guide to practicing safer sleep for your baby and reducing the risk of sudden infant death syndrome (SIDS, or cot death).

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Yoga for Pregnancy, Birth and Beyond.
Baby Massage classes.

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infant sleep

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Tog values explained

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from babyem.co.uk

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Bellies, brains & (front!) bottoms!

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How can MUTU System help you?

We'll empower you with the knowledge and tools you need to feel more in control of how your body looks, feels and functions. We'll guide you step by step through 12 weeks, so you know what to do to stop leaks, heal your diastasis recti and
reconnect with your body again.
94% of women* who completed MUTU felt better about their bodies and what they are able to do. Ready to feel better about your body? Use code NHS20 to enrol in the MUTU System programme with 20% off
*906 MUTU customers surveyed in October

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How can MUTU System help you? We'll empower you with the knowledge and tools you need to feel more in control of how your body looks, feels and functions. We'll guide you step by step through 12 weeks, so you know what to do to stop leaks, heal your diastasis recti and reconnect with your body again.

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Birth Trauma Association

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The Birth Trauma Association

Welcome to the Birth Trauma Association (BTA). We're a charity that supports women who suffer birth trauma - a shorthand term for post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) after birth.

About 30,000 women a year, according to the most recent research, experience birth trauma in the UK. Instead of being joyful and happy, the experience of giving birth has been frightening. Perhaps the baby's heartrate dipped, leading to an emergency caesarean section. Maybe you or your baby suffered injuries as the result of the birth. Or maybe you felt that you weren't well looked after in labour, or you weren't told what to expect.

If something like this has happened to you, you might have felt scared that you or the baby were going to die. As with any other traumatic experience - a car accident, or a sexual assault, or seeing a bomb explode - a traumatic birth can lead to symptoms of PTSD: flashbacks, a sense of heightened anxiety, constantly feeling on the alert, avoiding anything that reminds you of the trauma.

Birth trauma means that it can be difficult to bond with your baby. You may find your symptoms are triggered by reminders of the birth: pregnant women, other babies, programmes such as One Born Every Minute.

Witnessing someone else's trauma can also be traumatic, so partners can experience PTSD too.

We're here to help people like you - if you want to know more about how we can help, please select the Parents menu.

If you're a health professional and want to find out more about birth trauma, select the Health Professionals menu.

In the video below, five women talk about their experience of birth trauma and how they found help.

Keep up to date with The Birth Trauma Association (BTA) on social media

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The Birth Trauma Association Welcome to the Birth Trauma Association (BTA). We're a charity that supports women who suffer birth trauma - a shorthand term for post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) after birth. About 30,000 women a year, according to the most recent research, experience birth trauma in the UK.

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The Bright Sky app provides support for those experiencing domestic abuse as well as those concerned about friends and family members

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Jen Brister shares her experiences

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Things You Only Know If You're The Other Mother

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Comedian Jen Brister shares what it's like being in a two-mum family. Read more on Grazia.

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How men's bodies change after birth

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Dr Oscar Duke discovers how pregnancy, birth and childcare affect the father

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support from Cry-sis

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Support For Crying And Sleepless Babies | Home | Cry-sis

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Cry-sis, the only UK charity offering help and support to parents with babies who cry excessively or have sleeping problems. Call the helpline now...

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The is a new way to help parents understand this time in their baby's life, which is a normal part of every infant's development. It is confusing and concerning to be told your baby "has colic" because it sounds like it is an illness or a condition that is abnormal. When the baby is given medication to treat symptoms of colic, it reinforces the idea that there is something wrong with the baby, when in fact, the baby is going through a very normal developmental phase. That is why we prefer to refer to this time as the Period of PURPLE Crying. This is not because the baby turns purple while crying. The acronym is a meaningful and memorable way to describe what parents and their babies are going through.

The Period of PURPLE Crying begins at about 2 weeks of age and continues until about 3-4 months of age. There are other common characteristics of this phase, or period, which are better described by the acronym PURPLE. All babies go through this period. It is during this time that some babies can cry a lot and some far less, but they all go through it.

Scientists decided to look at different animal species to see if they go through this developmental stage.
So far, all breast feeding animals tested do have a similar developmental stage of crying more
in the first months of life as human babies do.

When these babies are going through this period they seem to resist soothing. Nothing helps. Even though certain soothing methods may help when they are simply fussy or crying, bouts of inconsolable crying are different. Nothing seems to soothe them.

During this phase of a baby's life they can cry for hours and still be healthy and normal. Parents often think there must be something wrong or they would not be crying like this. However, even after a check-up from the doctor which shows the baby is healthy they still go home and cry for hours, night after night. "It was so discouraging," said one dad. "Our baby giggles and seems fine during the day and almost like clockwork, he starts crying around 6 pm. He is growing and healthy, so why does he cry like this?"

Often parents say their baby looks like he or she is in pain. They think they must be, or why would they cry so much. Babies who are going through this period can act like they are in pain even when they are not.

In my own case, I know my son was not sick. He was in the top percentile for growth, he giggled and was happy other times Then he would start to cry, and cry, and cry. The doctor kept telling me he is just fine.

After learning all of this, we decided we needed to share this information with other parents. We had to take this information and put it into a statement that told the story about this phase in a baby's life. Dr. Ronald Barr, a developmental pediatrician who has likely done more studies on infant crying than anyone in the world, came up with the phrase the Period of PURPLE Crying. His idea was to explain this phase to parents of new babies so they would know it was normal and they would be encouraged that it would come to an end.

The acronym PURPLE is used to describe specific characteristics of an infant's crying during this phase and let parents and caregivers know that what they are experiencing is indeed normal and, although frustrating, is simply a phase in their child's development that will pass. The word Period is important because it tells parents that it is only temporary and will come to an end.

Parents, after learning about Period of PURPLE Crying have said, "Finally they have called it something that describes what we are going through. This word colic was hard to get a handle on."

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Adam Miconi, Ryan Steinbeigle, National Center on Shaken Baby syndrome, Period of PURPLE Crying

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The is a new way to help parents understand this time in their baby's life, which is a normal part of every infant's development. It is confusing and concerning to be told your baby "has colic" because it sounds like it is an illness or a condition that is abnormal.

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Calming a crying baby

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Every parent and caregiver knows from first hand experience that babies calm down when they are picked up, gently rocked, and carried around the room. New research published in the journal Current Biolog y on April 18, 2013 shows that this is a universal phenomenon. Infants experience an automatic calming reaction when they are being carried, whether they are mouse pups or human babies.

"From humans to mice, mammalian infants become calm and relaxed when they are carried by their mother," says Kumi Kuroda of the RIKEN Brain Science Institute in Saitama, Japan. Being held in a mother's arms is the safest place for a baby to be, and the mother can have peace of mind knowing her baby is happy, content, and relaxed. The fact that babies are neurobiologically wired to stop crying when carried is a part of our evolutionary biology that helps our species survive.

This study is the first to show that the infant calming response to carrying is a coordinated set of central, motor, and cardiac regulations that is an evolutionarily preserved aspect of mother-infant interactions, the researchers say. It also helps to have a scientific explanation for the frustration many new parents struggle with. . . a calm and relaxed infant will often begin crying immediately when he or she is put down. When my daughter was young, swaddling her seemed to create a compact posture and sense of security that triggered an automatic relaxation response when she was put back down and helped break this cycle.
What triggers this calming response?
Kuroda and colleagues at RIKEN determined that the calming response is mediated by the parasympathetic nervous system and a region of the brain called the cerebellum (Latin: little brain). The researchers found that the calming response was dependent on tactile inputs and proprioception. Proprioception is the ability to sense and understand body movements and keep track of your body's position in space. They also found that the parasympathetic nervous system helped lower heart rate as part of mediating the coordinated response to being carried.

Both human and mouse babies calm down and stop moving immediately after they are carried, and mouse pups stop emitting ultrasonic cries. Mouse pups also adopt the characteristic compact posture, with limbs flexed, seen in other mammals such as cats and lions.

The idea that the familiar calming dynamic was also playing out in mice occurred to Kuroda one day when she was cleaning the cages of her mouse colony in the laboratory. She says, "When I picked the pups up at the back skin very softly and swiftly as mouse mothers did, they immediately stopped moving and became compact. They appeared relaxed, but not totally floppy, and kept the limbs flexed. This calming response in mice appeared similar to me to soothing by maternal carrying in human babies."
The Role of the Cerebellum in Calmness
As an athlete, I have written extensively about the cerebellum and its role in coordinating fine-tuned muscle movements, balance, and proprioception... The cerebellum is always on guard to protect your body from danger and prepare you for 'fight-or-flight' by keeping track of everything going on in your environment.

Among many other jobs, the cerebellum has a huge responsibility to maintain your safety and physical well being. This takes a lot of brain power and energy. Although the cerebellum is only 10% of brain volume it holds over 50% of your brain's neurons. Neuroscientists are perplexed by everything that the cerebellum does. This study offers one more valuable clue.

Scientists have known for years that the cerebellum is directly linked to a feedback loop with the vagus nerve which keeps heart rate slow and gives you grace under pressure. As adults, we can calm ourselves by practicing mindfulness and Loving-Kindness Meditation which puts the cerebellum at peace and creates a parasympathetic response of well being. This appears to be the same response that occurs in infants when they are being carried.

Interestingly, the only time during the day that the cerebellum is allowed to let down it's guard and go offline is during REM sleep when your body is paralyzed to prevent you from acting out your dreams. It makes sense that being picked up and carried would send automatic signals that allow the cerebellum to relax and create healthy vagal tone which would lower heart rates in infants.
Conclusion
The researchers believe that these findings could have broad implications for parenting and contribute to preventing child abuse. "This infant response reduces the maternal burden of carrying and is beneficial for both the mother and the infant," explains Kuroda. She goes on to say, "Such proper understanding of infants would reduce frustration of parents and be beneficial, because unsoothable crying is a major risk factor for child abuse."

"A scientific understanding of this infant response will save parents from misreading the restart of crying as the intention of the infant to control the parents, as some parenting theories-such as the 'cry it out' type of strategy-suggest," Kuroda says. "Rather, this phenomenon should be interpreted as a natural consequence of the infant sensorimotor systems." If parents understand that properly, perhaps they will be less frustrated by the crying, Kuroda says. And that puts those children at lower risk of abuse.

The authors conclude that, "Although our study was done on mothers, we believe that this is not specific to moms and can be used by any primary caregiver."

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Every parent and caregiver knows from first hand experience that babies calm down when they are picked up, gently rocked, and carried around the room. New research published in the journal Current Biolog y on April 18, 2013 shows that this is a universal phenomenon.

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Currently, time and time again our parents and newborns are suffering colic, reflux, lactose and dairy overload because of misleading, non-factual information. These widely taught beliefs has parents, unknowingly, pushing their baby's digestive system beyond their natural function. In order to reduce what I call Digestive Overload - (colic, reflux, lactose and dairy overload) these three teachings and more must be changed - we must begin to work with the newborns biology (with Bio-logical Care). Three of these misleading teachings are:

1. Babies need regular feeding because of their small stomachs.

2. Feeding your baby every hour to three hours is healthy and normal.

3. Cluster feeding in the evening is normal.

So, what are the known biological facts that science tells us which means these teachings should be left in the past if we are to stop these detrimental behaviours for our newborns:

On average it can take four to five hours for milk to move from the stomach. Biologically, "gastric emptying and transit are naturally delayed in neonates." 1

For newborns aged one to three months it has been reported to take, "on average, eight-and-a-half hours for milk to travel from the mouth through the digestive tract onto a bowel motion (known as transit time)." 2

"Milk feeds override the intrinsic, fasting, motor activity of the colon, and induce regular defecation at a frequency determined directly by the volume of the products of digestion that reach the rectum." 3

This means, when newborns are fed in quick succession - before three-and-a-half to four hourly given the amount of time milk takes to digest naturally and leave the stomach - the sheer volume pushes the food through to the duodenum and onto the large bowel before the stomach enzymes and acid have processed the milk fully. This places unnecessary pressure on many physiological components which creates heightened communication - leading to diagnosis of colic, reflux, lactose and dairy overload.

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3 taught myths that lead to colic and reflux

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Currently, time and time again our parents and newborns are suffering colic, reflux, lactose and dairy overload because of misleading, non-factual information. These widely taught beliefs has parents, unknowingly, pushing their baby's digestive system beyond their natural function.

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Does My Baby Have Colic Or Is It An Allergy? | This Morning

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evidence around babies & sleep

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Lullaby Trust advice

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Choosing what items your baby might need can be overwhelming. To help with this we have put together a product guide with information on how to choose the products or items your baby needs to reduce the chance of sudden infant death syndrome (SIDS), what types of products you should avoid and what the marketing actually means.

Our evidence-based advice on choosing baby sleeping products

The number of products available can be confusing, so sticking to this simple guideline can help parents make an informed choice:
The safest place for a baby to sleep is in their own clear, flat, separate sleep space, such as a cot or Moses basket. We recommend a firm, flat, waterproof mattress.
We would not advise using products like swings and baby bouncers as sleep spaces as they are not firm and flat. If your baby falls asleep in a swing or baby bouncer, they should be taken out and put in their own clear separate sleep space, such as a cot or Moses basket.

Even if you are planning to co-sleep with your baby, we recommend that you have a cot or Moses basket for times when sharing a bed with your baby may be high risk, for example if you are ill, on medication, have drunk alcohol etc. Click here for more info on co-sleeping.

More information about products

New baby sleep products come on to the market regularly. We don't generally recommend for or against any individual brand of product. We do have some corporate partnerships with key manufacturers, but these do not influence the research that our safer sleep advice is based on.

The research that backs up our safer sleep advice has found that the safest place for a baby to sleep is in their own clear, separate sleep space, such as a cot or Moses basket that has a firm, flat surface with a waterproof cover, and that the sleeping surface is in good condition and undamaged.

Things to check

Does the item comply with British Standards? If so it should say on the product itself, its packaging, instructions or website.

If the item is something for your baby to sleep on such as a mattress is it:

* firm? (baby's head should not sink in by more than a few millimetres)
* entirely flat with no raised or cushioned areas?
* does it have a waterproof cover?

A few essentials that you need

For safer sleep you don't need to buy lots of products or spend more on expensive items. There are just a few items that we would recommend

* cot or Moses basket
* portable sleep space such as Moses basket, travel cot or carry cot
* mattress
* sleeping bag or sheets and a blanket
* room thermometer
* car seat

Products that we would advise you not to buy

There are some items that we would not recommend

* pods or nests
* pillows, duvets or thick heavy bedding
* cot bumpers
* hammocks
* sleep positioners
Download our product guide for additional information on British Safety Standards, buying second hand, safer sleep essentials, and more.
Frequently asked questions

Is this product safe?

Some products clearly do not fit within our guidelines. We don't comment on individual brands but have put together a product guide on what to look for and what to avoid when buying sleeping products for your baby.

The key things are to make sure the mattress is firm, entirely flat with no raised or cushioned areas and waterproof and the cot is kept free of bumpers, toys and loose bedding. Pillows and duvets should not be used for babies under 12 months.

This product claims no baby has ever died of SIDS whilst using it?

Our safer sleep advice is based on extensive research but the research only looks at SIDS, not individual products. As new products are launched all the time, it would not be possible for us to to test them and so we have to look at the evidence collected over many years that shows a firm and flat surface is best for sleeping babies.

As the number of babies dying of SIDS in the UK is now thankfully very low, this does not help to tell us whether or not a product is safe.

This product says it has passed safety tests - does this refer to Safer Sleep?

We encourage parents to make sure that any product they buy has a British Standard, particularly when buying a product over the internet. A British Standard does not mean that a product helps to reduce the chance of SIDS, but just guarantees a certain level of general safety (e.g. will not fall apart or set fire easily). You should also carefully follow the manufacturers' instructions for any product you buy and contact the manufacturer directly with any questions.

Still confused about a baby sleeping product?

If this advice seems confusing then it may be easier to remember our simple sleep advice. For sleep, a 'clear cot' with a firm, flat, waterproof mattress is fine.

A 'clear cot' is one that only includes the essentials a baby needs: a flat, waterproof mattress and some bedding, but nothing else. Three key questions you could ask are:
For help with choosing products, please download our product guide below.

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Choosing what items your baby might need can be overwhelming. To help with this we have put together a product guide with information on how to choose the products or items your baby needs to reduce the chance of sudden infant death syndrome (SIDS), what types of products you should avoid and what the marketing actually [...]

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website & daddydebates podcast

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Music Football Fatherhood | Men's parenting and lifestyle platform - Music.Football.Fatherhood is the UK's most exciting parenting and lifestyle platform for men. Providing advice, tips and guidance for all the exciting and challenging times during fatherhood.

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lessons from other cultures

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info and advice

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Latest nappy news, help, advice & videos:

The Very Best Brand Names

Recommended by The Nappy Lady

The Nappy Lady Recommends

Free Expert Help & Advice

Need Advice or Support?

Making cloth nappies work is all about getting the right sort of cloth nappy advice first. Cloth nappies can be a very cost effective solution but could be an expensive decision to get wrong without the right advice. You may well be using your washable nappies for at least two years per child, so you want to get it right from the start. This is where my real nappy experience comes in.

Fill in our nappy Advice Questionnaire and get a FREE personal recommendation from Wendy Richards, 'The Nappy Lady'. We'll also send you a 5% discount code to use on all future orders.

The Home of Cloth Nappies!

- isn't worth knowing!

We are the nappy specialists! We have been selling cloth nappies (also known as washable nappies, real nappies or reusable nappies) and offering free comprehensive nappy advice since 1999.

We only stock the best performing real nappy products, all thoroughly tested by The Nappy Lady. If we don't stock a product there will be a very good reason why. We are completely independent and are not tied to or "own" a particular nappy brand. We don't have a vested interest in promoting one cloth nappy over another. Read more about us over on our About Us page.

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Reusable nappies, real nappies, washable nappies, cloth nappies sold at The Nappy Lady

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Latest nappy news, help, advice & videos: The Very Best Brand Names Recommended by The Nappy Lady The Nappy Lady Recommends Free Expert Help & Advice Making cloth nappies work is all about getting the right sort of cloth nappy advice first.

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...in case you're worried...

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The average baby gets through 4,000 disposable nappies by the time they're potty-trained, costing families £400 a year and creating the equivalent of half a tonne of carbon dioxide.

Most toddlers are out of nappies - during the day, at least - by the time they're two-and-a-half, by which point parents will have spent £1,000-plus on disposable nappies and upwards of £250 on the associated paraphernalia such as baby wipes, nappy bags and nappy bins.

These figures, from an Environment Agency study and consumer group Which?, may be enough to prompt parents to consider opting for reusable nappies instead. The reusable nappy information service Go Real claims parents can save at least £150 by switching away from disposables, with parents who go for the cheapest renewable brands able to save a lot more. And then there are the environmental benefits: experts claim disposable nappies take up to 500 years to break down.

Reusable nappies involve set-up costs, but while you can spend hundreds of pounds on kit, you don't have to. Go Real reckons £80 will cover a pack of 20 of the cheapest reusable nappies and three waterproof wraps. Along with the cost of washing, it says the first year's cost can be as low as £132.

By contrast, recent research by MoneySavingExpert found that using branded disposable nappies costs an average of £970 over 24 months, while own-brand nappies can cost £750.

But the decision to use disposables is not just about cost, says Rachel Burrows of UK parenting website Netmums. "Parents also factor in convenience, time and environmental ethics before deciding which works best for their family," she says. "More parents are beginning to combine cloth and disposable, using disposables when their baby is out and cloth nappies at home where they are easier to clean."

Burrows says that while cloth nappies are a lot more expensive to buy, they can save significant amounts of money if they are reused for later children. But parents must factor in laundry costs, which can range from a few pounds a week at home to £15 a week for a professional nappy laundering service.

Electricity and water bills also need to be taken into account. The Energy Saving Trust estimates that a 30C wash costs an average of 15p a cycle for water and 4p for electricity. As you turn up the heat, the cost of electricity rises: a 90C wash will cost 15p. Tumble drying costs a further 21p for each cycle.

However, many local councils offer incentives such as free trials, laundry services and cashback on reusable nappy purchases.

Guardian Money spoke to two mothers and discovered there were considerable savings to be had, even when mixing reuseables with disposables.
Michelle: £575.56 per child
Michelle Rankin, 36, is mother of three sons - Thane, six; Harris, four; and Lennox, three. They live in Bromley, Greater London.

The decision to use reusable nappies was an obvious choice, Rankin says. "From the very beginning I decided I didn't want to be filling up landfill with nappies. I got the whole pack and actually ended up using them for all three children."

The set-up cost was around £500 for 38 reusable nappies and parts, but Rankin is convinced that overall they were far cheaper than disposables, even though she used more expensive WaterWipes (£25 per calendar quarter). She also managed to recoup £80 when she resold the nappies online.

I got the whole pack and ended up using them for all three children

Michelle Rankin

Rankin used 26 Motherease pre-folded popper-fastening nappies with an outer wrap and inner liner, which she bought in bulk for £15 each, including all three parts. She also bought 12 of the cheaper terry towelling nappies and rubber pants for around £10 each, plus £6 for a pack of five crocodile clips.

The liners and nappies were washed together twice a week on average, on a 70C wash. The nappies were then line-dried, apart from the terry ones which would be given 10 minutes in the tumble dryer to avoid them becoming "cardboard-like".

Rankin says there were occasions when it was necessary to use disposable nappies."The only time I used disposable nappies was at night, as reusables were not as nice on the skin all night. I also used disposables when we were travelling up to Scotland to see my mum."

With her oldest child being out of nappies at 18 months and the other two at around two years, Rankin's largest outlay was not on energy but on wipes and washing products.

* Total estimated cost for three children from birth to potty trained (total of 5.5 years): £1,726.68, giving an average cost per child of £575.56.

Made up of: reusable nappies £436 (including £80 resale cost); disposable nappies £200.75; wipes £550; washing products £360.08 (based on two washes a week); electricity £85.80 (washing and tumble drying); water £94.05.
Sarah: £698.59 per child
Sarah*, 27, is mother of 15-month-old Theodore, from Kettering, Northamptonshire. A self-confessed "flitter" between reusable and disposable nappies, Sarah did not start using reusables until her son was six months old, and reverts to disposables in the winter or while on holiday. She uses Aldi's Mamia nappies, which average 8p a nappy.

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Reusable nappies involve a big outlay at first, but can ensure large savings. Photograph: David Cook/blueshiftstudios//Alamy

The pretty designs and comfortable fit of reusable nappies are the continued draw for Sarah now that she has ditched the disposables.

"My mum used cloth nappies with me and my two siblings. We had the terry ones with the pins. I thought I would give it a go, with the idea of saving money."

Sarah signed up to a free cloth nappy trial with Kettering borough council, which meant she had a range of different brands to try before purchasing her own. She also received a £25 rebate from the council for buying reusable nappies.

Sarah started with gNappies (nappy covers that you use with biodegradable disposable inserts) during the day and Littlelamb cloth nappies at night, but soon found they did not suit her. They cost her £50. She briefly tried rewashable wipes but found them "more trouble than they are worth", and now uses Pampers disposable wipes (£40 a year).

The gNappies include cloth pants, waterproof pouch and insert, all of which are machine-washable. Sarah spent around £140 on the gNappies pants, £28 on pouches and £30 on inserts. She also has four washable nappy bags for the wet and soiled parts, costing £16 altogether.

The pants and pouches are washed with normal loads, while Sarah washes the inserts about three times a week at 60C and once a month at 90C. These are then line-dried. She hopes to use reusable nappies when she has a second child, but thinks she will not start until he or she is around six months old, due to the quantity of nappies newborn babies go through, and the convenience of disposables.

* Total estimated cost for one child from birth to potty trained (assuming potty trained at 30 months): £698.59.

Made up of: reusable nappies £223 (including council rebate); disposable nappies £167; wipes £100; washing products £145.99 (based on three washes a week); electricity £27.70; water £34.90. (Figures based on using disposables for three winter months a year and three holiday weeks a year, plus disposables until six months old.)

* Did not wish her surname to be published
Topics

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Nappies: which are best - disposables or reusables?

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The average baby gets through 4,000 disposable nappies by the time they're potty-trained, costing families £400 a year and creating the equivalent of half a tonne of carbon dioxide.

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And here's the Barnet one too: https://www.barnet.gov.uk/recycling-and-waste/reduce-and-reuse-barnet/real-nappies

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If you’re worried your baby is unwell, our free Baby Check app helps you decide whether they need to see a health professional or not…

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Find out what routine vaccinations are offered free of charge on the NHS to all babies and children in the UK

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"How long should my baby be in a car seat?"

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"How long should my baby be in a car seat?"

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"Is 12 minutes too long?????"

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Gay and lesbian parents have been around for a very long time. But until the late 20th century, most of then kept their sexual orientation a secret for both their own and their children's sake. Today, gay and lesbian parents in the UK have equal legal rights than heterosexual ones and the society is no longer as homophobic as was in the past. Nevertheless, gay and lesbian parents face a number of issues that are virtually unknown to heterosexual families.

The public view of gays and lesbians raising children, adopting and fostering has without a doubt changed dramatically in the last few years. But there are still many people who view gay and lesbian parenting as unnatural and even harmful for children despite the fact that most studies demonstrated that there are any significant developmental differences between children from heterosexual and those from homosexual families. Besides the usual parenting issues that are experienced by all parents regardless of their sexual orientation, most gay and lesbian parents also have concerns about the negative attitudes towards their sexual orientation affecting their children.

Some of the most commonly reported concerns by gay and lesbian parents include:
Children will be teased or bullied by other children at school.
Kids can be very cruel and sometimes an unconventional name or physical characteristic such as a bigger nose is all that is needed for a child to be teased or bullied his/her entire childhood. The number one concern for gay and lesbian parents is therefore that their children will be teased or bullied due to their sexual orientation.

Children/their family will be excluded from school and extra-curricular activities.

Despite the fact that same-sex families are legally equal to heterosexual ones, many gay and lesbian parents worry that disclosure of their sexual orientation may result in exclusion of their children and their families from school and extra-curricular activities.
Children will have to answer difficult questions.
Many gay and lesbian parents said they worry that family related questions may make their children feel uncomfortable or even ashamed.
Children will blame them for being "different".
Although kids generally like to stand out and be different from other children, some homosexual parents worry that their children will hold their sexual orientation against them or blame them for being "different".

Unfortunately, many gay and lesbian parents' concerns aren't unjustified. Their children are indeed more likely to be teased or bullied at school, face discrimination and other issues along the way. But if they are prepared for the challenges they may face, how to deal with them and above all, that they can always count on unconditional love and support from their mums or dads, they will do just fine.

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Gay and lesbian parents have been around for a very long time. But until the late 20th century, most of then kept their sexual orientation a secret for both their own and their children's sake. Today, gay and lesbian parents in the UK have equal legal rights than heterosexual ones and the society is no longer as homophobic as was in the past.

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First Aid: What to Do if a Baby is Choking

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First Aid: What to Do if a Baby is Choking

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Watch this short video to find out what to do if your baby starts choking. For more first aid information read our article here.

NCT and the British Red Cross run First Aid courses for parents with babies and children up to 12 years old on life-saving topics, such as CPR, stopping bleeding and what to do if your child is choking. Find your nearest course.

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First aid: What to do if a baby (birth to 12 months) is choking - NCT Matters

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Watch this short video to find out what to do if your baby starts choking. For more first aid information read our article here. NCT and the British Red Cross run First Aid courses for parents with babies and children up to 12 years old on life-saving topics, such as CPR, stopping bleeding and what to do if your child is choking.

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A recent study found that children raised by lesbian couples were often brighter, happier and more confident than kids brought up in more traditional family units. Here, four women-only households describe their experiences of parenthood – and why tolerance and honesty are the key

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how to swaddle a baby

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How to Hip-Healthy Swaddle your Baby - IHDI

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Ingredients:

Fold the top corner of the blanket down, and place your baby's shoulders level with this fold.

Hold his hands to his chest with his arms slightly bent.

Pull the left side across and under his right shoulder.

Tug the blanket at the top to make the wrap snug and tuck in the excess.

Pull up the bottom corner, wrap it over the same shoulder and tuck under. Leave room for your baby to bend his legs up and outwards.

Pull the right side across to make a V-neck, and hold with your thumb.

Wrap the rest of the blanket over his shoulder, around his back and tuck into the front fold.

Sleep like a baby.
The diamond can also be done with your baby's hands out.

Bend your baby's arms, and place his hands by his chin.

Now follow the steps above.

Swaddle #2: the square

Fold the top third of the blanket down, and place your baby's shoulders level with this fold.

Hold his hands by his chest. Fold the left side across, and tuck it under.

Pull the right side across to make a V-neck, and hold it with your thumb.

Wrap the corner over his shoulder and under his back.

Take a bottom corner of the blanket in each hand. Fold it up, and tuck the sides under.

Sweet dreams.

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Ingredients: Fold the top corner of the blanket down, and place your baby's shoulders level with this fold. Hold his hands to his chest with his arms slightly bent. Pull the left side across and under his right shoulder. Tug the blanket at the top to make the wrap snug and tuck in the excess.

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https://www.unicef.org.uk/babyfriendly/baby-friendly-resources/relationship-building-resources/building-a-happy-baby/

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This leaflet offers advice and information for parents on getting to know their baby and setting up the foundations for a close and loving relationship.

We now know that building a strong relationship between parents and their new baby will give them the best possible start in life and will help them to grow up happy and confident. This leaflet is free to download and helps parents to develop that strong relationship, starting in pregnancy and continuing into the early days, weeks and months of a baby's life.

Health professionals may want to use this leaflet in conjunction with the Baby Friendly guide to antenatal and postnatal conversations and accompanying signature sheets.

Printed copies cost £15 per pack (1-9 packs) or £11 per pack (10 or more packs). There are 50 leaflets per pack and this price includes P&P within UK. Order using the Baby Friendly Resources order form, which you can download from our Resources page.
Please note: Orders for UK delivery only, and include postage and packaging costs. Orders may take up to 7 working days to process. The Baby Friendly Initiative reserve the right to re-print items at any time. If you are looking to order audit tools or e-learning please use our digital resources order form. Our myth buster posters show the key Happy Baby messages in bright and colourful poster form - find out more.

Building a Happy Baby: A Guide for Parents

Baby Friendly standards

Support to build a close and loving relationship is a key element of the Baby Friendly standards. Find out more about embedding our standards in your service.

Find more relationship building resources

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Building a happy baby: A Guide for Parents Leaflet - Baby Friendly Initiative

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This leaflet helps parents to get to know their baby and to set up the foundations for a close and loving relationship.

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With so many baby products on the market, it can be hard to know what you really need and what is just a nice extra. Here's a rundown of the essentials to help you with your shopping list.

Baby clothes

At least eight all-in-one suits will be very handy. Small babies tend to live in these during their first few months and really don't need to wear anything else, apart from a vest underneath in winter and a cardigan over the top if it is cold.

At least six vests, also known as body suits, with envelope necks and poppers underneath. These can be worn under all-in-ones, or on their own if it's hot. Short and long-sleeved versions are available for different times of the year.

One or two cardigans to provide an extra layer of clothing.

If it is winter, your baby may need a coat or all-in-one suit. If you spend a lot of time in the car, choose one that is not too thick, otherwise there's a risk your baby will get too hot.

A soft cosy hat will be essential in winter. If your baby was premature, or the weather in summer is cool, a cotton jersey pull-on hat is also useful.

If you choose all-in-one suits that cover your baby's feet, you won't need socks. They are very fiddly on newborn babies anyway and tend to keep falling off or get lost!

Nappies

As newborn babies will need their nappies changed 10 times to 12 times a day, buy enough to keep you going for at least the first few days or so. You will also need nappy sacks and wet wipes (or cotton wool).

If you are planning to use reusable nappies, you will need at least 15 nappies suitable for your newborn baby. You will also need a bucket, nappy liners, and some nappy steriliser. It's also probably a good idea to have at least one packet of disposable nappies handy too, in case you get behind with the washing during the early weeks.

Feeding equipment

What do I need for my baby's bedding?

A Moses basket, crib, or cot.

If your baby is going straight into a cot, you will need sheets and cellular blankets, or a fitted bottom sheet and a baby sleeping bag. If your baby is going to have a Moses basket or crib, you will need three sheets or four sheets, and several pram-size blankets.

A mattress that fits the Moses basket or cot.

A lightweight, cotton jersey or cotton wrap is useful to make your baby feel secure without overheating during the early weeks.

Bathing

A baby bath can be useful, but they do take up a lot of room if space is limited. A newborn bath support will hold your baby safely in the main bath and is much cheaper.

Baby towels are useful, but not essential. Babies are just as cosy wrapped in a small bath towel.

A mild, liquid baby cleanser or bath emollient to protect your baby's delicate skin, cotton flannels and/or cotton wool.

Travel

A pram, pushchair, or buggy that lies flat, so is suitable for newborn babies. You'll need a raincover and, in summer, a sunshade.

A rear-facing car seat, if your baby will be travelling by car. Sun blinds for the car are also useful in the summer.

Other essentials

A changing bag is essential for holding all the bits and pieces you now need to take with you whenever you leave the house. Choose a bag with a changing mat and space for wet wipes, lots of nappies and your baby's bottle (if you're bottle-feeding). If you're very organised, you may prefer a bag with lots of compartments. Otherwise, choose a simpler style, as you can end up wasting a lot of time looking for that vital, but buried, item!

Muslin squares have a multitude of uses. Don't leave home without them! As well as protecting your clothes from the inevitable baby sick and mopping up dribbles, they provide a soft surface to rest your baby's head on.

Check out our Mums' picks section to see what products BabyCentre mums really rate.

Visit our community

Find out what other parents have bought and compare tips in our friendly BabyCentre community.

Last reviewed: April 2014

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With so many baby products on the market, it can be hard to know what you really need and what is just a nice extra. Here's a rundown of the essentials to help you with your shopping list. At least eight all-in-one suits will be very handy.

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book recommendation

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What Every Parent Needs To Know: Love, nurture and play with your child

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Buy What Every Parent Needs To Know: Love, nurture and play with your child 2 by Sunderland, Margot (ISBN: 9780241216569) from Amazon's Book Store. Everyday low prices and free delivery on eligible orders.

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laid back breastfeeding

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How a child's brain develops through early experiences

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NCT video

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Step-by-step guide to massaging your baby

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Why does my baby wake so often?

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Cats protection advice on cats and babies

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As a first-time parent, it's easy to feel that money is just slipping away from the moment you have your first scan printout in your hand.

The average family spends £3,000 or more on their first baby in just a year. But the truth is that you can prepare yourself for your new arrival for less than £200, if you're clever.

What is essential for a baby?

Very little, is the answer. What you will need to have ready for the birth is lots of maternity pads, some nappies, a few babygros, a baby blanket, a warm suit, booties and a hat if it's winter, and a car seat. Even the car seat isn't necessary on day one if you give birth at home. These are the basic essentials, but before you rush out and buy anything else, ask yourself if you know anyone who can lend you the items you want.

What do I need to transport my newborn baby?

The reality is that almost all families will buy a car seat, unless they live in a very urban area and always use public transport and a pushchair.

In the case of car seats, there are convertible models available that last from birth to four years. If suitable for your car, a convertible model will save you the expense of buying a new car seat each time your baby outgrows the old one.

It's best not to carry your newborn baby around in a sling, car seat, or pushchair that doesn't lie flat for long periods of time. If you plan to be out and about for more than two hours, it's a good idea to think about buying a cheap second-hand pram.

All-terrain pushchairs are phenomenally popular. Before you buy one though, ask yourself if you plan to go running around the park or walking in the country with your little one. If the answer is "yes", then the expense may be justified. However, all-terrain pushchairs can be tricky to get in and out of car boots. If you'll be mostly walking to the shops, or hopping on the tube or bus, it may be not the best choice.

Few parents with older babies use anything other than a lightweight buggy or stroller. And the classified ads are packed with second-hand prams and travel systems.

Should I buy a crib, Moses basket, or cot?

Another key question is where your baby is going to sleep. It's a good bet that your baby will eventually sleep in a cot. So you may want to skip the expense of a Moses basket or crib, and go straight for the cot.

What other items are desirable?

Once you've solved the problem of sleeping arrangements and transport, there are plenty of other gadgets such as monitors, breast pumps and battery-operated swings that you may consider buying. However, none of them is essential, so you may want to wait until after your baby is born to decide whether or not you really need these items.

What needn't I buy at all?

While there are plenty of useful items you can buy on the cheap, there are some you needn't buy at all.

For example, you can use your sink or a washing-up bowl instead of a baby bath. And you don't need to buy new baby towels and muslin squares when you've probably already got something suitable for the job around the house.

What about bottle-feeding?

Bottle-feeding costs over £450 a year, and that's not including all the sterilising equipment you have to buy and the bottles themselves. However, you can still save money.

Sterilising equipment can be expensive, so if you are planning to bottle-feed, think about using the boiling-water method or cold sterilising your baby bottles. These methods require little equipment and are cheap to use. Just make sure that the bottles you buy are safe to sterilise in boiling water or in a cold-water solution.

Bottle warmers are also not necessary. Formula feeds should be made up fresh for each feed, so they will be warm anyway. But if you are using expressed breastmilk or a ready-made formula, you could just warm up your baby's bottle using some warm water in a container. To save time during night-time feeds, put some hot water in a flask so that you can pour it out in to a bowl whenever you need it.

Should I use cloth nappies or disposables?

It will cost you around £600 to keep a baby in disposable nappies until he or she is potty trained. Washing reusable nappies at home can save up to £270 for baby number one, and more for subsequent children, because you will use the same nappies for both babies. If you do choose to use disposables, then buy the cheapest supermarket own-brand value ones. If you only want to use the premium brands, stock up when they're on special offer.

Should I buy second-hand?

So few parents consider stocking their nursery with second-hand goods that there are some fantastic bargains to be had. The best sources are friends and family, car boot fairs, charity shops and classified ads. The National Childbirth Trust is another great place to look because it holds Nearly New sales in most parts of the country.

You can buy virtually anything you need second-hand, but visit our guide to buying second-hand baby goods for safety information.

I prefer to buy new. How can I save money?

If you must buy new, then shop around, buy budget brands and never miss a sale. Many supermarkets and large retail shops sell stylish baby clothes at a great price. If you spot something you love, but don't like the price, shop around first. You may be surprised at what bargains you can pick up.

If you can't live without the more expensive brands, then go straight to the sale rail or visit outlet stores.

Are budget brands OK?

Budget brands have to pass the same safety tests as the expensive brands and are often made by the same companies. You may be able to add your own finishing touches to simple items bought cheaply. For example, you could decorate a basic wooden cot with stencils and make it look like a £500 designer one.

Familiarise yourself with discount shops in your area, too. You'll find lots of offers and sales.

What about a baby gift list?

Penny-wise parents-to-be could always prepare a baby gift list. Your friends' and family's money will be better spent if you do. Send your list out with the birth announcement, or give it to your best friend to organise for you. Make sure you exchange unwanted gifts for something useful.

What are the golden rules of buying on a budget?

Prepare a wish list of nice but non-essential items to give to friends and relatives when they ask you what you would like.

Ask experienced parents what they found really useful and read our buying guides to help you decide on a purchase.

Assume that all gadgets and gizmos are cons until proved otherwise.

Find out how much you're likely to spend in advance and see where you can cut costs.

Buy in bulk whenever you see a good offer.

Plan ahead so you can take advantage of sales.

Question every purchase. Is it really essential?

Only buy new if there's a safety issue involved.

Exchange unwanted gifts. Most shops oblige.

Tell the world that you want hand-me-downs.

Use your local library and toy library.

Borrow items wherever possible.

Buy second-hand.

Last reviewed: April 2014

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Coronavirus (COVID19): Advice for parents

Everyone should follow the government advice on coronavirus:

This guidance was published on 11 May 2020. As this is a fast-moving situation, we will be reviewing and updating the guidance as it changes. Please keep checking this page for updates.

Yes. Newborn screening appointments are continuing as normal. You should go to your appointments unless you, your child or someone you live with has symptoms of coronavirus.

If you have symptoms of possible coronavirus infection, you should contact your GP or Health Visitor to postpone appointments until you have stopped self-isolating.

Yes. Routine vaccinations for babies and pre-school children are continuing as normal. You should go to your appointments unless you, your child or someone you live with has symptoms of coronavirus.

If you have symptoms of possible coronavirus infection, you should contact your GP or Health Visitor to postpone appointments until you have stopped self-isolating.

Yes. There is currently no evidence to suggest that coronavirus can be carried or passed on in breast milk. The well-recognised benefits of breastfeeding outweigh any potential risks of transmission of coronavirus through breastmilk.

The main risk of feeding your baby is the close contact between you and your baby. A discussion about the risks and benefits of breastfeeding should take place between you and your family and your maternity team.

Find more information for women with suspected or confirmed coronavirus who have recently given birth from the Royal College of Obstetricians and Gynaecologists

If you have suspected, or confirmed coronavirus, wash your hands (for at least 20 seconds) before touching your baby and try to avoid coughing or sneezing on them while they feed. Please take care not to fall asleep with your baby.

If you're feeling unwell, it may be easier to carry on breastfeeding (rather than expressing) during this stressful time. Alternatively, if you have been expressing your breast milk, you may prefer someone else (who is well) to bottle feed your baby.

Breast milk provides natural (germ killing) antibodies that help your baby fight illness and infections - it's also the best source of nutrition for them.

We recommend babies are exclusively breastfed until they are around 6 months old - then breastfed alongside solid foods (until they are 1 year at least).

Have a look at more benefits of breastfeeding on Start4Life.

If you have suspected, or confirmed coronavirus, make sure you wash your hands (for at least 20 seconds) before touching your baby. When you are feeding your baby - try to avoid coughing or sneezing on them.

Expressing breast milk: If you're expressing your breast milk, always wash your hands before handling your breast pump and bottles. Have a look at the Start4Life guide to expressing breast milk.

Sterilising equipment: If your baby is having formula or expressed milk, make sure you sterilise the equipment carefully before each use. You should not share bottles or a breast pump with anyone else. Have a look at the NHS guide to sterilising bottles.

Making up formula feeds: When making formula feeds, carefully follow the manufacturer's instructions. Use the right amount of formula and water - ensuring the water is hot enough (at least 70C) to kill any germs in the powder. Have a look at the NHS step by step guide to making up formula.

Because we're indoors a lot of the time, we might not be getting enough vitamin D from sunshine. You should consider taking a vitamin D supplement - available from most pharmacies, supermarkets and other retailers. You just need 10mcg (micrograms) a day - this applies to adults and children.

From birth, all breastfed babies should be given a daily supplement of vitamin D (8.5 to 10mcg). However, if your baby is having more than 500ml (about a pint) of first infant formula a day, they do not need a supplement because formula is already fortified with vitamin D.

There have been some news reports about vitamin D reducing the risk of coronavirus. However, there is no evidence for this. Find out more about vitamin D

If you can't get hold of your usual first infant formula, don't worry - you can switch to another brand. They are all very similar and contain the right nutrients for your baby because all brands have to meet strict legal standards. Remember, follow-on formula is not suitable for babies under 6 months.

You can find lots of fun activity ideas for 0-5 year olds from Hungry Little Minds and the BBC's Tiny Happy People

There are lots of things you can do with your child to help them learn, such as:

chat to them about everything and anything - take turns to babble or talk

play make believe games together

read together - help them name pictures in the book

sing songs with actions

If you or someone you know needs help and advice - there is support available from Safe Lives and GOV.UK.

With more time being spent at home, it's important to ensure that your home is safe so that accidents are prevented.

Read about staying safe and preventing accidents in the home:

NHS tips to prevent your baby or toddler from some of the most common accidents in the home.

ROSPA advice on keeping children safe at home.

Safe sleeping advice from the Lullaby Trust.

Soothing crying babies can be challenging, particularly when families are spending a lot of time together in the home. ICON have some useful tips for parents. If you are worried about your child or family, contact your health visitor for guidance and support.

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Everyone should follow the government advice on coronavirus. Have a look at our Q&A's for pregnant women and parents on Start4Life

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Skip to main content Home Baby Coronavirus (COVID19): Advice for parents Everyone should follow the government advice on coronavirus: This guidance was published on 11 May 2020. As this is a fast-moving situation, we will be reviewing and updating the guidance as it changes. Please keep checking this page for updates.