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Of course, I was aware that the death of our son would highly impact our life. I would be lying if I said I knew the outcome would last this long. As time and time progresses, days to weeks to months go by, the spark that we once had becomes nothing but a distant memory. I do not blame her for the way pain she feels; there's no way to prepare yourself for this sort of event. Things like this always takes time to deal with and I understand that because it wasn't just her son...it was OUR'S. We do not see eye to eye anymore. I want her to see and understand that it is okay to go through the pain and hurt but she doesn't have to do it alone. I dread going home to the indifference and the silence. I desire more

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I can't say truthfully say that I've been happy these past months. My heart has a void that needs to be filled and my home is nothing but a pure darkness. I think about all these concepts and understand and accept that I'm truly unhappy then i remember the patients I see at the doctor's office and I realize that things could be worse. I live to see another day and I thank God for that. Everyday that I get to live, is a day of hope. It tells me that there's time to be positive and time to spread that positivity. As time goes on, I learn to understand that life gets hard as long as you allow it to be. When you dwell on the past, you tend to stay stuck in the past. I want to gain my happiness back. I will take it day by day.

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Today, on the tour, I met with the Das family. They are blessed, beautiful, and grand. Usually on the tours, most families act in the same ways and appear the same way. Something about the Das family caught my attention.  I couldn't quite put my finger on it until I observed them a little more. I pay attention to the actions of the kids and then the reactions of the parents. I notice the absent mindness of both parents. I also realize the difference between the couple. With all of that gathered, I finally come to the conclusion of why this family catches my eye so strongly...thus family is almost an exact replica of my wife and I's marriage! The constant bickering, the indifference, absent mindness, and more. Well this can get really interesting...

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It's been about an hour since I've met and began observing Mr and Mrs Das. I can see that both parties are unhappy. I know the silence like I know my own mind. The toxicity is overpowering and you could cut the tension with a knife. To my luck, Mr. Das asks what is it that I do. I then explained to him that I am an interpreter at a doctors office. In that moment, Mrs. Das comments, "That romantic." and suddenly becomes intrigued with what it is that I do. At home, I don't receive that kind of attention from my wife. She calls me names like "doctor's assistant." She's upset that I work for "someone who couldn't save our son's life." When Mrs. Das engages with the topic of my job, I begin to feel something that I haven't felt in awhile. It was that spark that had vanished after our son passed. I understand that these feelings aren't right but this is what I want from my wife and only God knows when I feel this way again. I choose to indulge and take advantage of the moment.

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Time and time passes by with the Das family. I'm fighting temptations...

Mrs. Das an I get a moment to ourselves. It makes me happy at first. She then confesses to me that "their" son isn't Mr. Das.She had been holding on to this secret for 8 years now and not even Mr.Das knows. The feeling that I once felt for her slowly begins to fade. I feel sympathetic towards the whole family. I realize how torn they are. I wouldn't want to live my life with guilt if i was to intrude on this family. I also definitely wouldn't want to turn out like her, completely lost. For that reason I choose not to reach out to her after today.