# data[].attributes.body
Hello Sam. One part of your narrative task I think you did very well was how you described how the book was affecting Blake. I felt like I could feel what he was feeling when you wrote it. Another well-written part of your story was how you described the cemetery very well. I think you did very well describing the moist dirt and dark sky. This really helped me make a scene in my mind. One part of your story I think you could have elaborated on more was the ending. I feel like you ended the story to fast if you could have slowed down the moment some more and elaborated on the events.

# data[].attributes.body
I liked how you nice intro anecdote because it really pulled me in and I was ready to read your piece. I also thought you did good on your zinger because it was a good way to end of your piece. My one wish is that you made some parts more detailed.

# data[].attributes.body
Hi Sam! A strength of your essay “unis are going down “ is your thesis statement. It is really descriptive and has a strong idea. You are supporting your claim with 3 great reasons too! Overall a great thesis statement. I also like your zinger. It is a great quote and it spices up the story. It gives the story a great ending and it supports the story greatly. But I have one suggestion for your essay.I think you could expand on your 3rd warrant. I feel like I didn’t get the good explanation that a warrant should have. I also would like a better, more descriptive warrant. But in all

# data[].attributes.body
Hi Sam, Your writing was outstanding! One strength of yours was when you said that if someone spilled on their uniform then they wouldn’t be able to change. It would be really bad having to wear a wet smelly uniform all day. Another strength was when you said 12 or 13 year olds may get really attracted to an outfit but then get disappointed because they have to wear a uniform. One wish for you is that your last sentence of the essay was a different quote. I saw that it was the same one as your evidence.

# data[].attributes.body
Hi sam a star for your essay is the start of your essay is the first paragraph because it was really descriptive. Another star from your piece is the first warrant because it was a really good word choice. A wish i have for your piece is to make your ending more beefy but overall you did great.

# data[].attributes.body
Hey Sam. One strong part of your essay was all of your strong transition words. They were all very fitting and they helped me travel from place to place. This helped the essay go very smoothly. I also think you did a very good job citing your evidence in your body paragraph. This helped give strong valid evidence for your reasons. This helped me understand the topic better and helped me want to agree with your side of the argument (which I agree with). One part I think you could have improved on is your conclusion paragraph. Your claim in the conclusion paragraph didn’t state the topic and you talked about how it can be beneficial when you want people to think it isn’t beneficial.

# data[].attributes.body
Wow Sam! The amount of detail that was in your piece is crazy. There we so many sentences packed with so much detail it was amazing. For example when you said the sweat was dripping down onto your head from your sweaty head into your dry mouth and that you could feel it splashing in. I also like how much action there was going on in your piece. Your price was so great I’m going to give it a third star. I really loved your intro and how it pulled me in and I wanted to read it more.

# data[].attributes.body
Your writing is amazing. Detailed like no other, and the way you described the pitcher and your coach was absolutely amazing. The way you made the story more and more intense as it went on, it made the story feel like a flash when you read it. I wish you said the way the ball went so I could make a better picture in my mind of how you won the championship.

# data[].attributes.body
Hey Sam, this was a really good piece. I enjoyed how much action and inner thoughts they're was in this piece. I also enjoyed how you gave everyone a play by play of you're at bat and how you were thinking “dang it I’m not good when it’s wet”. This really made me think and wonder ooh no is he going to hit the ball he is standing in wet sand. Something no else you did well was describe what you were doing. You said I hit my Marucci bat against my cleats to get off the wet sand. This made me see and picture this inside my head. Something I wish you did was add more and maybe include you running the bases but besides that it was beautiful

You’re bff cooper

# data[].attributes.body
One part of your great memoir that you did very well was you added great inner thoughts. It really helped me get more hooked into the story. One time you did this very well was when you wrote “I can do this. I have been doing this since I was 3, can I really do this though, yes I can.” Another thing you did very well in your writing was you added lots of get descriptions of things like the plate, the pitch and your bat. One example of when you used this really good strategy is when you wrote “Then I stepped on the rock hard plate. I hit my light royal blue cleats with my maroon marucci bat to get the moist sand off my cleats” I feel like you did a very good job overall but one thing that I think you could have improved is stop repeating thing you wrote in your piece. One time you did this that left me confused was when you wrote “The sweat was dripping from my sweaty head into my dry mouth. I could feel the sweat dripping down into my mouth splashing”

# data[].attributes.body
You're a very good writer! You used a lot of inner thoughts, which really showed what was going on inside your head that moment. It made the story clearer and easier to read and see what you were feeling in the moment.

The lesson you learned was very relatable, and it was a very strong and meaningful lesson to pick up from that moment. The story adds all up to the lesson which helped me see this lesson clearer.

However, I would like to know a bit more why you think you learned that lesson. It would help to add onto the ending.

Overall great memoir!

# data[].attributes.body
I like that you didn’t let being small get you down even though you are the tiniest on the team

Ryan Singh

# data[].attributes.body
one part of your memoir that i really liked was when you were deeply describing the moist sand and how you said it was raining like snakes and alligators. This showed me that it was pouring rain and the sand was wet adn slipperry which makes it harder to hit. another part was when you said your heart was beating so loud that is sounded like a beat to a song. That showed me how intense the scene really was. One wish for is that i wish you had more description to the ending when you were running to the base or maybe when your teammates came running out of the dugout. Overall i really enjoyed your piece it really showed how intense it was

# data[].attributes.body
I found your quotes inspiring and I like how you just grabbed the reader and just pulled them into your writing like the part where you said “Hello fellow readers are you ready for my extreme writing”. However a suggestion is that you say some stuff you hate because we heard a lot about like so what about your dislikes?

# data[].attributes.headline
Hey Sam, I loved your peace and how you incorporated your goal to hit a home run in cooperstown. I like how you wanted to connect with the reader and tell them youre goal to become a better baseball player.  Another thing I like is how in the beginning you told us that you like baseball and are committed which is accurate and I like how you told the reader something cool you did in baseball like how you won by a walkoff 6-5.  Something i think you could’ve done better is decorated you're slide and be more descriptive to be honest youre peace was so good it was hard to think of a wish.

# data[].attributes.subject
Hey Sam, I loved your peace and how you incorporated your goal to hit a home run in cooperstown. I like how you wanted to connect with the reader and tell them youre goal to become a better baseball player.  Another thing I like is how in the beginning you told us that you like baseball and are committed which is accurate and I like how you told the reader something cool you did in baseball like how you won by a walkoff 6-5.  Something i think you could’ve done better is decorated you're slide and be more descriptive to be honest youre peace was so good it was hard to think of a wish.

# data[].attributes.body
I really liked how much detail you put in. I felt like I was there and you put a lot of work into it. You did a good job not repeating words over and over. 1 thing I would work on is to explain a little more. If somebody did not play baseball they would not have understood your writing. You did a great job, Shiny!

# data[].attributes.body
One thing I thought you did well in your writing is you added in so much details on your likes of baseball. You told me so much about your goals and your past as a baseball player. Another amazing thing you did in your writing was describe the moment. When you talked about the games you played in I felt like I was experiencing the moments you described as they were happening.One thing I think you could have done a little better in your writing is talk about some other topics other than baseball. You did a great job adding details but I would add more details to the other topics.