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Abuse

(800) 799- 7233

Thehoteline.org

(715) 384- 2971 (Marshfield based)

www.childhelphotline.org

www.ndvh.org

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Every 68 seconds another American is sexually assaulted

1 out of every 6 American women has been a victim of an attempted or completed Rape in her life (14.8% completed and 2.8% attempted)

More than 2 out of 3 women’s rapes are not reported

About 33% (1 of 3) American men have experienced an attempted or completed rape

From 2009-2013 63,000 children a year were victims

34% of victims were 11 or under and 66% of victims were 12-17

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Abuse

Withdrawl from friends or usual activities

Changes in behavior

Frequent absences from schol

Depression, anxiety, or unusual fears

Self-harm or attempts at suicide

Not wanting to leave school or activties, as if they don’t want to go home

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Physical abuse

Physical force to harm a child

Any nonaccidental injury to the child

Includes punching, slapping, kicking, strangling as long as it causes injury

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Rape

Most common emotional and psychological reaction is depression

Flashbacks of memories from past trauma

PTSD making to hard to cope for some time afterwards especially if you see certain clothes, a certain smell, and even looking at their own body

Bruising or broken/dislocated bones

Suicidal thoughts or attempts from people holding their grief

Dissociation, including not being able to focus on work or school

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Rape

Physical injuries

Isolation from others

Problems with going to bed

Fear of certain people or places

Loss of appetite, or trouble eating

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Rape

(800) 924- 4132

Doj.state.wi.us

1-800-656-4673

800-656-4673

www.rainn.org

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Emotional abuse

A way to control another person by using emotions to criticize, embarrass, or shame another person

Tearing down a person’s self-esteem and undermine their mental health

Enforced social isolation or preventing someone to accessing services

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Verbal abuse

Shouting or yelling to silence the child

Giving the child silent treatment

They use name-calling or personal attacks

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The Walls family just moved into Welch. Their living conditions were ruff when they had to live with Erma. Erma was hateful person who had really strong rules. In the time they were staying there, Jeannette parent’s had to leave to go back to Phoenix for their car they left behind with all of their things. As their parent’s were gone the kids were watching tv when Erma walked in drunk asking Brian to follow her into her bedroom to sew his pants. “They had been gone for a minute or two when I heard Brian weekly protesting. I went to grandpa’s bedroom and saw Erma kneeling on the floor in front of Brian, grabbing his crotch of his pants, squeezing and knealing while mumbling to herself and telling Brian to hold still” (Walls146).

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Billy Deel, being three years older than Jeannette, and had a crush on her. Jeannette told Billy that she just wanted to be friends and he promised her that was all he wanted. One afternoon, Jeannette and some neighbor kids were playing hide-n-seek. Jeannette hid in a tiny shed. “Billy crawled inside. The shed...I wasn’t about to say so, but being that close to Billy scared me...Billy smushed his face aginst mine, then grabbed my hair and made my head sideways and struck his tongue in my mouth...I felt his fingers tugging at my shorts. His other hand was unbuttoning his own pant...I bit him hard on the ear. It must of hurt, because he yelled am hit me in the face” (Walls86).

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Neglect

Failure to successfully care for your child when you have different options to do so, but chose not to

Not taking account of educational, social, and recreational needs

Failure to ensure privacy and dignity

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“I looked in the refrigerator. There was nothing inside but a half gone stick of margarine...It was sort of crunchy, becuase the sugar didn’t dissolve it, and it was greasy and left a filmy coat in my mouth. But I ate it anyway” (Walls68). Lori and Jeannette were so hungry that they decided to mix sugar and margarine as a frosting and eat it. When their mom found out, she started yelling stating that she was saving it. Jeannette later thinks how she thought her mother was perhaps saving it for herself. Later on in the book, the Walls children catch their mom eating a chocolate bar as she used the excuse that she is a sugar addict. This goes to show how selfish her mom was being by letting her children starve while she snacks down a chocolate bar.

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Maureen was the last child born and was never payed attention too. Later on in the book when they were all in NY, Maureen stabbed her mom. “Six months later, Maureen stabbed Mom. It happened after Mom decided it was time for Maureen to develop a little selfsufficiency by moving out and finding a place of her own” (Walls174). Since Maureen was neglected as a kid, stabbing her mother is a long-lasting affect of neglect.

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Sexual abuse/rape

Both physical and non-physical components

Withholding someone or using sexual abuse as a weapon

An abusive partner uses sexual abuse to judge their other partner

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“As we fought they called me poor and ugly and dirty, and it was hard to argue the point. I had three dresses to my name, all hand-me downs or from a thrift store, which meant each week I had to wear two of them twice. They were so worn from countless washings that the threads were beginning to separate. We were also always dirty. Not dry dirty like we’d been in the desert but the grimy dirty and smudged with oily dust from the coal-burning stove. Erma allowed us only one bath a week in four inches of water that had been heated on the kitchen stove and that all of us kids had to share” (Walls140).

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The parents can’t even keep a job to provide for the family. Rex, the dad, always spends his money on alcohol and has been let go from many jobs. This shows that he only cares about what is good enough for him. He doesn’t care about the condition the children are in and what he’s putting them through. Due to Rex and Rosemary’s neglectful parenting, they have a choice to go to Erma’s house which made many other incidences occur causing Erma to also neglect the children.The children get little care by only taking one bath a week when they are so dirty.

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Abuse

Severe emotional abuse can lead to depression

Physical abuse can lead to chronic pain, guilt, aniexty etc...

Children can also expirence sleep disorders, regression, and social withdrawal

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March 23, 2017

The commonly held definition of abuse, which we use in all of our trainings, is "a pattern of behavior used by one person to gain and maintain power and control over another." One thing to note about that definition is that we are talking about a pattern of behavior, in other words, not just one incident. These behaviors can take on a number of different forms. Many people, when they hear the word "abuse," think of physical violence. It's important to note that physical force is one means of power and control and it is far from the only one. It's often not the first one an abuser will use. Below are six different types of abuse we discuss in our training with new volunteers or employees.
1. Physical
This is the type of abuse that many people think of when they hear the word 'abuse.' It can include punching, hitting, slapping, kicking, strangling, or physically restraining a partner against their will. It can also include driving recklessly or invading someone's physical space, and in any other way making someone feel physically unsafe.
2. Sexual
While sexual abuse can be a form of physical abuse, we put it in a category by itself because it can include both physical and non-physical components. It can involve rape or other forced sexual acts, or withholding or using sex as a weapon. An abusive partner might also use sex as a means to judge their partner and assign a value - in other words, criticizing or saying that someone isn't good enough at sex, OR that sex is the only thing they're good for. Because sex can be so loaded with emotional and cultural implications, there are any number of ways that the feelings around it can be uniquely used for power and control. It wasn't until 1993 that marital rape was illegal in all 50 states, so some people may still assume that sex is something a partner is entitled to, and not recognize it as a larger pattern of power and control.
3. Verbal/Emotional
As one survivor puts it, "My ex-husband used words like weapons; like shards of glass, cutting and slowly draining my life, until I had nearly none left. I didn't think I was abused because he didn't hit me- usually... I had begun to believe his awful lies- how worthless I was, how stupid, how ugly, and how no one would ever want me." Other survivors have pointed out that while the signs of physical abuse might be noticeable to a friend or family member, the effects of verbal/emotional abuse are harder to spot, and harder to prove. Emotional scars can often take longer to heal.
4. Mental/Psychological
Mental or psychological abuse happens when one partner, through a series of actions or words, wears away at the other's sense of mental wellbeing and health. It often involves making the victim doubt their own sanity. We've heard stories of abusers deliberately moving car keys (and in one case, the whole car!) or a purse, dimming the lights, and flat-out denying that certain things had taken place. The result of this, especially over a sustained period of time - and often with the isolation that abusers also tend to use - is that the victim depends on the abuser more and more because they don't trust their own judgment. They also hesitate to tell anyone about the abuse they're experiencing, for fear they won't be believed. Angela, a participant in one of our Support Groups, said, "He had called me crazy so many times, I was unsure if anyone would ever believe me about the abuse."
5. Financial/Economic
Because abuse is about power and control, an abuser will use any means necessary to maintain that control, and often that includes finances. Whether it is controlling all of the budgeting in the household and not letting the survivor have access to their own bank accounts or spending money, or opening credit cards and running up debts in the survivor's name, or simply not letting the survivor have a job and earn their own money, this type of abuse is often a big reason why someone is unable to leave an abusive relationship. Many of the survivors we work with have problems with their credit, because of an abuser's past behavior. A bad credit history can affect your ability to get an apartment, a job, a car loan, and any number of other things necessary for self-sufficiency. We work with survivors to get these issues resolved, but social safety nets such as food stamps, cash assistance, and health insurance can provide a much-needed bridge in the meantime.
6. Cultural/Identity
Cultural abuse happens when abusers use aspects of a victim's particular cultural identity to inflict suffering, or as a means of control. Not letting someone observe the dietary or dress customs of their faith, using racial slurs, threatening to 'out' someone as LGBQ/T if their friends and family don't know, or isolating someone who doesn't speak the dominant language where they live - all of these are examples of cultural abuse.

An abusive relationship can include any or all of these types of behaviors, sustained over a period of time and often escalating. If you or someone you care about is experiencing this and you want to talk to someone about your concerns, REACH's hotline is available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year. Call 1-800-899-4000 to speak with a trained advocate who will listen without judgment.

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The commonly held definition of abuse, which we use in all of our trainings, is "a pattern of behavior used by one person to gain and maintain power and control over another." One thing to note about that definition is that we are talking about a pattern of behavior, in other words, not just one [...]

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It has been estimated that roughly two-thirds of those harming a vulnerable adult are family members, most often the victim's adult child or spouse. Research has shown that in most instances the abuser is financially dependent on the vulnerable adult's resources and have problems related to alcohol and drugs.

Stay alert to the different types of abuse

The word abuse covers many different ways someone may harm a vulnerable adult.

Physical abuse is intentional bodily injury. Some examples include slapping, pinching, choking, kicking, shoving, or inappropriately using drugs or physical restraints. Signs of physical abuse.

Sexual abuse is nonconsensual sexual contact (any unwanted sexual contact). Examples include unwanted touching, rape, sodomy, coerced nudity, sexual explicit photographing. Signs of sexual abuse.

Mental mistreatment or emotional abuse is deliberately causing mental or emotional pain. Examples include intimidation, coercion, ridiculing, harassment, treating an adult like a child, isolating an adult from family, friends, or regular activity, use of silence to control behavior, and yelling or swearing which results in mental distress. Signs of emotional abuse.

Exploitation occurs when a vulnerable adult or his/her resources or income are illegally or improperly used for another person's profit or gain. Examples include illegally withdrawing money out of another person's account, forging checks, or stealing things out of the vulnerably adult's house. Signs of exploitation.

Neglect occurs when a person, either through his/her action or inaction, deprives a vulnerable adult of the care necessary to maintain the vulnerable adult's physical or mental health. Examples include not providing basic items such as food, water, clothing, a safe place to live, medicine, or health care. Signs of neglect.

Self-neglect occurs when a vulnerable adult fails to provide adequately for themselves and jeopardizes his/her well-being. Examples include a vulnerable adult living in hazardous, unsafe, or unsanitary living conditions or not having enough food or water. Signs of self-neglect.

Abandonment occurs when a vulnerable adult is left without the ability to obtain necessary food, clothing, shelter or health care. Examples include deserting a vulnerable adult in a public place or leaving a vulnerable adult at home without the means of getting basic life necessities. Signs of abandonment.

Signs of physical abuse

bruises, black eyes, welts, lacerations, and rope marks

broken bones

open wounds, cuts, punctures, untreated injuries in various stages of healing

broken eyeglasses/frames, or any physical signs of being punished or restrained

laboratory findings of either an overdose or under dose medications

individual's report being hit, slapped, kicked, or mistreated

vulnerable adult's sudden change in behavior

the caregiver's refusal to allow visitors to see a vulnerable adult alone

Signs of sexual abuse

bruises around the breasts or genital area

unexplained venereal disease or genital infections

unexplained vaginal or anal bleeding

torn, stained, or bloody underclothing

an individual's report of being sexually assaulted or raped

Signs of mental mistreatment/emotional abuse

being emotionally upset or agitated

being extremely withdrawn and non communicative or non responsive

unusual behavior usually attributed to dementia (e.g., sucking, biting, rocking)

nervousness around certain people

an individual's report of being verbally or mentally mistreated

Signs of neglect

dehydration, malnutrition, untreated bed sores and poor personal hygiene

unattended or untreated health problems

hazardous or unsafe living condition (e.g., improper wiring, no heat or running water)

unsanitary and unclean living conditions (e.g., dirt, fleas, lice on person, soiled bedding, fecal/urine smell, inadequate clothing)

an individual's report of being mistreated

Signs of self-neglect

dehydration, malnutrition, untreated or improperly attended medical conditions, and poor personal hygiene

hazardous or unsafe living conditions

unsanitary or unclean living quarters (e.g., animal/insect infestation, no functioning toilet, fecal or urine smell)

inappropriate and/or inadequate clothing, lack of the necessary medical aids

grossly inadequate housing or homelessness

inadequate medical care, not taking prescribed medications properly

Signs of exploitation

sudden changes in bank account or banking practice, including an unexplained withdrawal of large sums of money

adding additional names on bank signature cards

unauthorized withdrawal of funds using an ATM card

abrupt changes in a will or other financial documents

unexplained disappearance of funds or valuable possessions

bills unpaid despite the money being available to pay them

forging a signature on financial transactions or for the titles of possessions

sudden appearance of previously uninvolved relatives claiming rights to a vulnerable adult's possessions

unexplained sudden transfer of assets to a family member or someone outside the family

providing services that are not necessary

individual's report of exploitation

Signs of abandonment

deserting a vulnerable adult in a public place

deserting a vulnerable adult in his/her own home or living space

individual's report of being abandoned

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It has been estimated that roughly two-thirds of those harming a vulnerable adult are family members, most often the victim's adult child or spouse. Research has shown that in most instances the abuser is financially dependent on the vulnerable adult's resources and have problems related to alcohol and drugs.

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Recovering from sexual assault can be a lengthy process. Survivors, as well as friends and family, should be aware of the long-term effects of sexual assault and the resources available to aid in the healing process. This handout presents some issues that survivors may confront after an assault.

Emotional Recovery

Sexual assault is a crisis, and we all handle crisis in different ways. Some survivors go into shock after being assaulted, or experience overwhelming fear, anger, shame or anxiety. The emotional reaction to sexual assault is complex and often confusing. Survivors should remember that their feelings and experiences are not abnormal and that they are not alone. Friends and family should have patience with the healing process. It could take weeks, months or years for the healing to take place, and healing time varies from person to person.

After the initial shock of the assault, survivors may want to forget the attack or may find themselves withdrawing from people and trying to give the impression that they are all right. Survivors may try to regain control by the way they think about the problem, by not caring or through anger. Survivors may also find themselves not caring about things that are usually important to them. They may be dealing with certain fears, such as fear of death, or being fearful in situations that serve as reminders of the assault. They may have fears of seeing the assailant again. Survivors may feel depressed or guilty, and they may have negative feelings about themselves. All of these feelings are common. However, it is important for survivors to deal with their feelings to prevent a problem later in their recovery.

The fear and confusion will lessen with time, but the trauma may disrupt the survivor's life for awhile. Sleeping and eating patterns may change and may include sleeping disorders, nightmares, or eating disorders such as anorexia and bulimia. Survivors may think about hurting themselves or others, or turn to alcohol or drugs to block out the problem. They may experience dramatic mood swings, crying spells or panic attacks, become irritable and short-tempered, and have difficulty making decisions. Survivors may also develop Posttraumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), which is the result of a traumatic experience, especially person to person crimes such as rape. Symptoms include persistent re-experiencing of the traumatic event, avoidance of stimuli associated with the event, numbing of general responsiveness and symptoms of increased arousal.

Talking with someone who understands can help survivors sort out the emotional aftermath of a sexual assault. A counselor who has knowledge of trauma related to sexual assault can help survivors gain perspective on the situation. No matter how difficult the coping process is, it does not mean that the survivor has serious mental or emotional problems. The recovery process may help survivors develop confidence, strength, insights and abilities.

Those who are close to someone who has been assaulted may also seek counseling. This can help them cope with the stress the incident has brought to their own lives, and help them to be understanding and supportive of the sexual assault survivor. See the Info for Friends and Family web page for more information.

Flashback and Nightmares

It is normal for survivors to experience flashbacks or nightmares after an assault. Here are some things that may help afterwards:

Remind yourself that the feelings and sensations are memories of the past; that you survived the trauma; and that you are safe now.

It is normal when you are scared to stop breathing regularly, which intensifies feelings of panic. Take deep breaths. Breathing helps re-orient you in the present. Focusing on your senses can also help. Ask yourself what you are seeing, hearing and feeling right then.

Take time to recover, and reach out for support as you need it. Tell someone that you had the flashback or nightmare. Call a friend, family, or crisis hotline.

Take steps to keep yourself safe. Identify ways in which you feel vulnerable, and work with friends, family or advocates at a crisis center to make a plan that will keep you safe.

Sexuality After Sexual Assault

Survivors: Rape can affect your feelings about sexuality for some time afterwards. You may find that sex stirs up frightening feelings associated with your assault. If you are single, take time to decide if and when you want to share your experience with potential partners. Communication is the key to maintaining healthy intimacy. If you are in a relationship, it is important to tell your partner how you feel and talk about your comfort level with intimacy. A loving partner should respect your needs. On the other hand, you may experience no difficulty in this regard, distinguishing quickly between assault and consensual activity, and might welcome your partner's desire for intimacy. In any case, a lover must recognize the possibility of temporary or permanent change in an intimate relationship.

Partners: If your partner wants to refrain from sexual activity for awhile, it is essential that you honor her or his wishes. Otherwise she or he may feel rushed or frightened by your desire to be sexual. Try to talk openly about this issue even if you have never talked openly about this subject before. It is vital to communicate now. If your partner hasn't brought up the subject, gently ask her or him about it. As in other aspects of recovery from assault, your partner's needs should be of primary concern and should guide your actions. Your partner's attitude about sexuality may be an impact on you. The opportunity to talk about this with someone outside the relationship has been helpful to others who have been intimately involved with a survivor. Consider seeing a counselor to discuss your feelings. Remember that even though some things may change between you and your partner for some time, most survivors recover from the trauma and have healthy, loving lives.

Professional Help

Find out about community resources for survivors of sexual assault. These may include a twenty-four hour crisis hotline, support groups, and individual therapy. Be aware that not all therapists have training in the special needs of sexual assault survivors. Get referrals from your local rape crisis center, and ask potential therapists about their experience and background with this issue. Do not hesitate to change therapist if you are not satisfied.

**Additional information can be obtained by contacting OCOSA at (614) 268-3322, RAINN at 1-800-656-HOPE, or your local rape crisis center.

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Recovering from sexual assault can be a lengthy process. Survivors, as well as friends and family, should be aware of the long-term effects of sexual assault and the resources available to aid in the healing process. This handout presents some issues that survivors may confront after an assault.