# data[].attributes.body
you're sad all the time and i dunno how to fix it.
you're laughing all the time but inside you're missing,
the person who means the most to you.
and i'm scared of the things you want to do.

so i'll stay with you till 3am.
i'll be there to hold your hand.
i'll sing that stupid song you like.
and i'll be the shining star so bright.
just so long as you're okay.
i'll be here to stay.

i'm sad all the time, but i'll keep it to myself.
inside my mind, it's all a living hell.
creeping up thoughts in the back of my brain.
thin red lines, they block out the pain.

so you'll stay with me till 3am.
you'll be there to hold my hand.
you'll laugh with me on quiet nights.
and you'll be the shining star so bright.
just so long as i'm okay.
you'll be here to stay.

i made a pinky promise,
so i'm gonna keep it.
but if you don't find out,
then maybe i'll break it.
i don't want to hurt you,
so i'm gonna keep it.. to, my-self.

and i stayed with you till 3am.
i was the one who held your hand.
i even sang that stupid song you like..
and i was the shining star so bright.
you were the one who got away.
but i'll still be here to stay.

# data[].attributes.body
Coffee on an October afternoon.
Little did we know about the impending doom.
Life has its ups and downs.
We didn't know how we'd turn out.
A different person, to say the least.
This is me, I cry, I plead.
You don't know about the things I seek.
Most things don't matter to me.
To hell with schoolwork; to hell with friends.
I am fine being my own man.
I cut my hair and donned new clothes.
To hide from the one I needed most.
I changed my name, I chose new people.
To get away from the garden steeple.
And you, my friend, you dyed your hair.
You never wear your glasses with skin so fair.
You grew your hair out and got a new style.
Just in hopes of an escape for awhile.
My shoes make me taller, they're my armor, or sorts.
I've always worn skirts over my shorts.
And on days I can't breathe, black is my color.
And I have to, have to, wear my armor.

# data[].attributes.body
How does is feel?
Why didn't you make a sound?
Your buried underground.
You need him
He doesn't need you
And you feel a little used
And abused
You want to run away
Ask for another day

The warmth in his arms
The beating of your broken heart
But then you stop breathing
You stop seeing
And now your blind

Take me high
Leave me in the sky
I don't want to be here without you
I know you'll never love me too
So I won't be here
Without you

Said I couldn't love someone
Because of the snake
If your gonna die
By mistake

Killing yourself for someone who doesn't want you
Scarring your shoulders for someone who abused you.
Why the fuck does he have such a impact
Weren't you afraid of human contact?

His black hair mixed with your brown hair
You felt needed there
His heavy breathing concentrated
on a girl who was barely breathing
A shell of a happy sadistic
Mind so twisted

Came back with a chain
Then things weren't the same
Why can't you find your piece of mind
Why can't you see are you blind?
Sticking your fingers down your throat purging yourself
Going through hell
To be a skinny shell
Because he'll love you then
oh, oh
He'll love you then.

I never saw you leaving
Now i'm slowly bleeding
Not really seeing
Why
Why I want to die
Tell me the reason

Oh, oh
He'll love you again
Be thankful for what he had
when she breaks him
Oh, Oh He'll love you then
Because you'll be dead
and finally he said
"i'm sorry"

~Sage

# data[].attributes.body
But of course.
Really, it's okay..
Everything is fine.
All that I ask, though.. is
That you give me a smile.
Hate.
Everything. I hate everything
about you

# data[].attributes.body
I'll be there.
But only if you let me.
Because if you don't let me help..
Then I can't help.
So don't call me fake
When all I did was take
What I loved away from the truly fake friend.

# data[].attributes.body
I can feel your hands around my throat
Muttering lost phrases as I choke
The bruises left from your reign of pleasure
Left me broken in pure terror
It's not as easy as they say it is.
I'm not as pure as they think I am.
Cold blood runs down my neck
A pain i'll never forget
Two years passed by
I was your drug and I took you high
Your common sadistic
My blood left you hysteric
The taste of it
The smell of it
Your unreal vampire
Choked me with a wire
as I took you higher
The crimson stained not only my skin but yours
Then It starts to pour
You realize what you did but it wasn't to late
You used me for the last time and trotted to the devils gate
My suffering didn't end there
It was too hard for them to bare
You came back at last
After all that time had past
More blood you craved
My heart as I caved
Now all that's left of you are the scars
on my legs and my arms
-Sage

# data[].attributes.body
Nightmares are a fragment of imagination.
We have them all over the nation.
But when I open my eyes there still there
Staring me down
My skin is there's to tear.

# data[].attributes.body
Blood for blood
Drip for Drop
Drop for Drip
Equal in Meaning
Unequal in size
Equal in the time it takes to run
down my thigh
Sangre Por Sangre
Cuts caused by steel
Cuts to make me feel
Cuts leaving scars, reminding me
the past is real
Equal in meaning
Unequal in size
Equal in the way each one makes
me feel alive
Sangre Por Sangre
Each I regret
Each they yell that
it makes me uglier
Each time caught
causes me hell.
Equal in meaning
Unequal in size
Equal in the time it takes for me to
wish I'd die.

# data[].attributes.body
Quarters in your pockets to gain more weight

But damn I gotta admit you look so fucking great

With your skinny little thighs and see through skin

I'm not skinny, this is the worst I've ever been

She's the smallest of us all

She's the skinniest on the shelf

While we're all normal

I'm just tryna be myself

Don't go to the doctor

He'll tell you the truth

He'll tell you to feed her

But your plans never go through

She's a stubborn little bitch

With no self awareness

Next thing you know

She'll be dead in a ditch, so

She's the anorexic girl

She can't possibly eat

It's beyond her world

She's got the whitest teeth, and the loveliest smile

Little did we know, she's been dying all the while

The anorexic girl

# data[].attributes.headline
This Thing Called Love is a Little Fucked up

# data[].attributes.subject
This Thing Called Love is a Little Fucked up

# data[].attributes.body
Underneath the kitchen sink. I hold my breath, don't notice me. Stomping steps passing by, I hold my breath and try not to cry. A whimper breaks out, and there he is. Grabbing my arm as I scream and hiss. I hate this I hate this I hate this. Let go of me, I can't form words. His grip on my arm only gets worse. My fingers, they claw at open air. But sadly there isn't anything there. I cannot breathe and this is getting out of hand. But that's when his fist actually lands. I hear a thump, pain shoots up my leg. I can breathe again, feeling only pain. It fills me to the brim, and I scream at him. I scream at him to stop this nonsense. Only my words still don't form, I'm a weak little lass. I just don't know how to react. I loved him, I mean, he's my dad. How could you surpass that? He hit me though, in places that won't show. She turned a blind eye for "love". This thing called love is a little fucked up.

- Ally

# data[].attributes.body
They say the apple doesn't fall far from the tree. I want you to stay the hell away from me. I'm a horrible person, a freak, to say the least. I can't even stand on my own two feet. I feel pathetic, the worst, of sorts. It was kind of you to walk out that door. To this day, I can recall my fear. And nowadays I hope my screams are all you hear. Shrill little things, why, I was only a child. Curly red hair, I was born wild. I go against the norm, but you were the storm. You ruined my sunshine-y madness. You hit me in places that no one would see. And she.. She didn't even look twice at me. I am slowly descending into this downward spiral. I hope that you'll be there to make me smile. I never trusted people, not before you. But you both showed me kindness, through and through. So to both: I love you.

- Ally

# data[].attributes.body
S-Secluded
A-Aesthetic
G_Goddess
E-Eternally.

# data[].attributes.body
Caught up in the games you play,
the way you call out my name,
the way a single glance can make me wild or tame.

Caught up in the way you make me feel,
how everything you say feels real,
how this is a great, big ordeal.

Caught up in this web called love,
a web big enough to catch a dove,
we fit each other like a glove,
Please tell me what I'm feeling is love...

Not another emotion I've yet to name, as I wait for your sweet and warm embrace, just the slightest taste to calm my need, just the slightest touch to keep me calm and freed.

# data[].attributes.body
• Sadistic comments into my hair.
• Many thanks given because you are here.
• I can’t seem to stop loving you.
• Love, love, love, oh, what shall I do?
• Every day is another fight.
• For every morning is another battle.
• Other days I’m just fine.
• Remember,  my sweet, that I’m glad you’re mine.
• My love, my caution, my fear, I’m watching.
• Every day I fall deeper and deeper into love with you.

- Ally

# data[].attributes.body
I can't remember the sound of his voice, the warmth of his hug, and the feeling of his laughter.
I can remember words he'd said, how he looked, and that he was there for us when no on else would.
I can hardly remember a day when he couldn't turn my frown upside-even when my mom skipped town- a day when I couldn't run to his house.
I only think if I could have stopped him from rushing out so quick, I wouldn't be in this thick.
The day he left, I kept my feelings inside, I felt there was nowhere to hide, I left everyone behind, there was no one I walked beside.
When I was young, I felt I was too dumb. I was left without a trace of the man I wish I could embrace.
I wonder, if he was still here, how would I be different?
I can hardly remember how he talked.
I can remember that his eyes were blue, he was pale, and his hair was like mine, the same colour and kind.
I can't remember how my brothers were with him.
I can't remember why I spent all my time worrying, instead of enjoying what little moments I had left.
I could feel for a week there wasn't time left, I could feel for a week that he would soon be at rest.
I could feel for a week that I should have been there. I could feel for a week that life wasn't fair.
The day I came home there was nothing to show except for the circle in the living room.
That day time slowed down, I never changed my frown, my whole life turned around.
In an instant, I remembered when I was five, and felt there was no time. I remembered when I was four, my only wish was to walk out that door. I remembered when I was three, the time I had no teeth. I could only remember when I was two, the thoughts of my being too few, and that I wish i could've flew. I could only remember when I was one that I'd wished I was done. I remembered when I was six, and time continued to tick. I remembered when I was seven, and had almost went to heaven. I remembered when I was eight, everyone had almost been to late. I remembered when i was nine, i had lost track of time. I could only remember I was ten, not eleven, and I couldn't follow him to heaven.
Now, I only remember, time goes forward, never back. I can only remember the few years he was there, and that life will never be fair.
I can remember every word he said. I can remember he's probably better off dead.
I can imagine that he's still here. I can't imagine what would have changed if he was here.
I an only remember I'm right here.
I wish I didn't remember that he isn't.
I can only remember the love I have for him and what he had for me.
I wish I didn't remember any day I didn't want to live when he was alive.
I wish I could guess what he would have done if he had more time.

# data[].attributes.body
Don't fall
To far.
They say were just kids and we don't know how to feel.
Then why is this so real?
I fall
to far.
Just tell me how to feel
Can't tell what's real.

She flew down to help me.
She caught me.
I was falling.
My emotions are all mixed.
Bout time I was fixed.

Please just tell me how to get through this.
I probably won't be missed
Not that I care
For what's there.

# data[].attributes.body
If I loose my best friend-
I will be at fault.
Imperfect again
I have a very complex system.
He makes it work-
We went through it all together.
Acceptance is free where i'm from
It's rare it happens.
Today was the first day I cried for a while.
Today was the first day I yelled.
Today was the beginning of the first imperfection.
If this keeps happening i'll be completely imperfect.
Again.

# data[].attributes.body
Caring often ignites confusion
And
Radiating joy
I love him more than anything and
everything
Nothing will change that
Gods, help me...

# data[].attributes.body
Lemons are bitter
But when you give them sugar and water
You get sweet lemonade
My life is kinda like that.
I'm a lemon.
My love is the sugar
And my friends are the water.
I was really bittersweet.
Now, I'm an orange,
I'm sweet. And citrus filled.
_Sage_

# data[].attributes.body
Someone once asked me what love's like. I said it was like a supernova, hell froze over, an impossible tragedy; a total meant to be. They didn't understand I'm in love with a woman. Tell me our feelings our wrong, so's this life I've been living.

I love her; she loves me.

Someday I might wanna be a family.

But I can't.

I'm
falling
deeper
every
day.

Deeper into everything, but I'd rather stop feeling.

Pain makes me numb. I like that.
- Ally

# data[].attributes.body
Respirare means "breathe" in Latin. Breathing is when you can leave without asking. Breathing is screaming in my face. Breathing is the warmest embrace. Breathing is shaking all over because you can't stop living, breathing is when you're friends are livid.
Maybe I'm a failure.
Maybe I'm a fraud.
Perhaps I should just leave here.
Without a second thought.
Respirare. Respirare.
Breathe, breathe,  my darling, my sweet.
Always remind yourself to breathe.
- Ally

# data[].attributes.body
In my mind, love was all I needed
Love I thought you were offering.
The first few days we were lock and key.
I really thought you loved me
But I lost my key when I told you, my membership revoked
I thought you cared, that you'd be there
But you set my mind aflame, who knew Angel would be my saving grace?
He helped me through that rough day, rougher than when I was beat half to death in 5th grade
I will be cold, but still kind
Broken, but I'll still shine
Because I have something stronger than our "love" and attraction.
I have my friends and our fractions...

# data[].attributes.body
in vain, my friends. I'm already at my ends
Fight,
I won't, not for him. He's happy w/o me, Better off w/o me, hurting me.
Fight,
In vain, my love. You knew my time had come when you said you were done.
Fight,
But I'm tired, and she's better than. I'll just keep going  unseen.
Fight,
in vain,  Myself. Just give up, he hates you as yourself.
Fight
the neverending fight against life, I love you all, but I can hear Death's call.

# data[].attributes.body
I drag myself from bed and from inside my own head
Day by Day
I think about how others feel,  when I should be thinking about how I feel instead.
Day by Day
I get asked how I feel, I say I'm feeling great, but inside I feel dead
Day
is bright and red, I just want to be
by
his side. I just want to be
freaking
free. I know I'll die, maybe I'll be free that
Day
Free from his memory, free from this misery, free from the neverending thoughts of him, free from the time I spent falling in love with him, but until then I'll keep trying to hold out
Day by Day
Day by neverending day...

# data[].attributes.body
Life
might be easier. He is a major
complication. Something
important to stress about.
But what
Would
my days look like, emptied of
him? Scrubbed clean of his
warped humour. His energy.
His presence. I
have
been in love before and,
doubtless, would love again.
But could I love like this--
Overwhelmed, overboard,
No
holds barred? I tell him I'm
fine, that this strange
condition is temporary.
Says not to worry. But there is
meaning
behind my silence. My
binging. My extraordinary
need. How weak am I?
and how strong is he?

# data[].attributes.body
It's okay.
Did the sun shine today?
Yes, it did.

# data[].attributes.body
I am a lover, I am a daughter. I am the sunlight that pours out of laughter. Yet I am the pain on a bright summer day, but I can also be there and keep the demons at bay. I can stand there and cry, live a white lie, or I can scream out in the pouring rain. I'll dance through the pain, I'll call out your name.

But you never hear me.

No, you never see me.

I am invisible. Invincible. A stone wall of fury and rage. Injustices of the world, it's just a natural way of life.

I promise I won't pick up the knife. To release the pain and suffering of life. As I bleed, I watch my problems flow away, in a river of red, suddenly I'm dead dead dead.

- Ally

# data[].attributes.body
No matter what I try, nothing is good enough for anyone.
They try to tell me it's fine, or it's good enough, but I see the disappointment hidden deep in their eyes.
My only release now is steel to skin, blade drawing blood, letting my brokenness and feelings of lost pour out, nothing but relief and adrenaline left.
Then fear seeps in, fear of the future, fear of the past, fear of everything except my anger-rage building up over the years of my life- my anxiety- which I do fear, but it is usual fear- and my depression. I want to feel, but music is the only thing that gets me close.
I see nothing over the horizon, only quickly developed darkness, calling to me.
Darkness is death.
Death waits impatiently outside my door.
We are betrothed, and she wants to set a date.
It will be a marriage of shadow and light, matrimony is sepia.
Death waltzes on my lawn- a delicate dance meant for two.
But I'm not sure of the steps, and I don't want to look like a fool.
So I watch from behind the glass.
Death calls to me in breathless whispers. Coaxing. Coaxing.
Her voice is soothing, and she hums, her song is a lullaby.
I close my eyes.
And listen.
I sway to her music, calm settling.
I might join her soon taking her hands and letting her show me the steps to her beautiful dance.
We would waltz forever, intertwined as she leads the way away from my pain...

# data[].attributes.body
There's this feeling in my stomach. I can't really name it, but I kind of love it. It's a feeling of rage, a feeling of pity. Like I can burn down my enemies in the awful city. I was forced to move here beyond my will, but that doesn't mean I stay here, but still. People say the way I feel is wrong. So maybe I'll write my words in a hopeful song. Society nowadays is so messed up. Like my mind, my thoughts, look up. The daughter you had doesn't love boys. Men are too loud; they can stick to their toys. No, girls are for me (not in a pervy way) but I can't tell anyone. My parents won't love me so I have to run. Before they find out my love interest is a girl. That thought, for them, would make them hurl.. They say "We gave you the whole world." but honestly, I'd rather just have you and nothing else, than be in a room where I can't even trust myself.

- Ally

# data[].attributes.body
I hate my hair, I wish it wasn't there.
I'll cut it very short to show my mom what she had isn't me, but a boy who is scared
The daughter she had was really a son,
A son who wants to be done
Done with lying, with hiding, with trying to be someone he's not
Who he is isn't a she, he isn't name Emma, but he is ME
My name is Asher Una Wahl, Una for my dad, the name he wanted to give me. I am a 14 year old, Pansexual male, I'm not telling a tale
He had a son who is a star, a dart of light shining off the chart, who was not given a head start
He's terrified, would he be scared if I
died, we think of it a lot, but we wish it would stop, we wish it to be dropped.
Would it be better with a GSA?
An association where we could happily be gay?
I think not. I will not be bought.
We feel alone, nowhere at home.

# data[].attributes.body
Not free, to be myself
Not free, to ask for help
I look in the mirror and see a girl, but in my eyes my future unfurls
When I search inside, I see Myself, who I've denied.
When I hear him talk, I suddenly deny the urge to walk.
I am a boy, not a barbie toy
A boy's in my closet, hidden like a hobbit
He's been named Emma, proving a dilemma.
He is blonde, hair like the dawn
He has grey-silver eyes, shining hopefully through our lies
I keep him hidden to my very own demise
He likes Soccer and Baseball, and he's five foot six inches tall
He haunts my dreams, yearning to be see, even though he can't, he can only rant
Rant in vein, chant, and maybe someday
you may be heard by someone other than me...
Maybe it's all just a dream
Or maybe I should face reality.
The world isn't safe for us, they'd leave us in the dust.
I'm sorry, Asher, but we have to hide instead of rush.
-Emma "Sarang"