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First page

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e

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The headline is good

Yii Chern

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I like your lead but you could improve in how formal you write.

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Yii Chern

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Pleas

Yii Chern

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You deleted the post and edited the e

Yii Chern

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You could try using third person instead of first person

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Good headline I like that it was informative and helped me tell what the article was about.

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I like your lead because it has all the 5 Ws

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Good headline but there are many articles with that headline

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Good headline but there are many articles with that headline

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Yii Chern

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Good headline but I saw another article with the same headline

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Good headline but I saw another article with the same headline

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Yii Chern

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Great conclusion because it summarizes what happens.

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the writing is very faint

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I like your caption because you described it very well

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Good headline but I saw another article with the same headline

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Good headline but I saw another article with the same headline

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Yii Chern

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The sentence starter is attractive, but maybe you could add a better conclusion then stopping there?

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Amazing report Chi Fung I liked your vocabulary.
I wouldn’t use a fake phone number if I were you because it could be another persons phone number.

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ikr

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Your lead is very catchy and descriptive but maybe you can make it a little bit more formal and try to make the title a little catchier.

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Owen

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Ok, thanks😊

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I agree with kaye

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Try not to randomly use capital letters before the full stop

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let me correct the grammar….
disrespected and* defaced teachers for the headline

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Try to use a different headline as others have already used that one. There are many other headlines you could have used.

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Good headline but I saw another article with the same headline

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Good headline but I saw another article with the same headline

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Yii Chern

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I like your headline because it isn’t the same as others.

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Good approach, try not to put capital randomly. Well tried. :)

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The writing is good but could you please add some paragraphs.

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The writing is good but could you please add some paragraphs.

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landon

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on the first picture, try not to make your words go out of the box. maybe move them to another line.
also why are there spaces in the first two lines??
also the headline is the same as multiple other headlines go check.

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Amazing lead and a amazing quote good job

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Bro, the headline is too long.

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I like your lead because it consists 5Ws.

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I feel like your lead is revealing to much information

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next time, maybe come up with a more unique headline as countless and multiple people have this same exact headline.

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The headline is catchy and it’s a well describing one.

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I like the way you written your headline in a bold way

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I think your lead reveals too much info

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Nice headline creative

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the first paragraph is good but where is the second paragraph?

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the first paragraph is good but where is the second paragraph?

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landon

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try to make the words not go out the box. also, the spelling of visitors in your lead is wrong.

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I can’t see your words. Too light

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On the* open day. also, i like how you  have written down how many teachers there were on the Open Day.

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Good headline but I saw another article with the same headline

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Good headline but I saw another article with the same headline

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Yii Chern

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You have added a very catchy headline that pulls the reader in.

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The headline is good but could you please make the head line catchy.

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The headline is good but could you please make the head line catchy.

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Landon

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I like how you used the words ‘popped out’ in your lead.

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I think you should take your picture in a place with better lighting

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On the first page after the date, the “The” has a capital letter which is not supposed to be there.

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In your lead, you could write vandalised instead of vandalism because it’s past tense

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the lead is good but could you add more info on the scene.

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the lead is good but could you add more info on the scene.

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landon

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The first paragraph got me interested I think so good job.

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The correct spelling for the headline is ‘vandalism’.

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You have a very informative lead while letting out suspense for the reader to find out by reading more, maybe you could add a more formal conclusion.

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Why did your writing suddenly go very faint?

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The second page says
At least 50 families came to visit H.I.S on its Open Day. Mr Shane said in the interview that he would check the security cameras but the camera nearest to the destroyed year 5 starboard was blocked by the countless lockers which made them unable to see what happened and who did it. The bored teenagers was a suspect aswell because they were in or near the year five corridor and so they could be the one to do it but, there were also some parents in or near the year 5 corridor who were comparing the school to other schools and they said things like “That other school has more trophies” and other similar comments.

hope this helped