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Sometime in the 90's, my parents married each other and started a family together years after. The idea of a heterosexual marriage between a man and woman, with hopes to build a family can relate to readings in class about patriarchy. In general, there are many different attributes to the wedding that adds onto the role of men leading and controlling the atmosphere of the female figure in these relationships. Another aspect that I resonated with that ties to patriarchy and marriage would be my parents' maiden names. As a child, I vividly remember asking my mom why my brother and I took after my father's last name and not hers. She later explained to me that it's just what happens after marriage to show that we are a family and our father had some authority or tied connection to his children.

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Years later, my parents have been married for about 25 years and raised two children - my brother and I. Although there were many aspects of my family that were extremely traditional, there were also many attributes in my upbringing that were not so conventional. In comparison to the typical, patriarchal family, my mom was the head of the household and everyone had to listen to what she had to say. My mom and dad's roles were completely reversed. Until this day, my mom is an empowering, boss businesswoman who is even in charge of my family's bills, expenses, etc. Although both of my parents worked their butts off from morning to night, my dad was always very in tune with his feelings and acted as emotional support to my brother and I.

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In one of the videos linked during week 4, a group of Asian Pacific American women discussed their struggles with adhering to different beauty and societal standards. Growing up in an Asian-American household, things like weight, colorism and skin-lightening, and flat noses were always heavily talked about. The photos I attached above are both of myself at different points in my life. As an early teen, I not only struggled with my appearance, but being a woman who was deemed as feminine as well. For example, around the time of when this photo was taken, my mom desperately wanted me to lose weight. Although I was already playing basketball at the time, she put me in dance lessons since dance was a "feminine" and graceful sport. Growing up, there were many things I was interested in, but was prohibited from doing. My family was very traditional with how women were supposed to act and be perceived as.

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My grandparents at the beach with my cousin

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During the Vietnam War, my grandparents and my mom travelled to the United States by boat. My grandma acted as the backbone for my family. She worked multiple random jobs simultaneously and worked relentlessly everyday to put food on the table for her children. While she was caring for her family, she would help sponsor other relatives in our family to immigrate to the United States. Amongst those relatives, many were transnational mothers who immigrated on their own to provide for their families who were still living in their home countries. Something that all of the mothers had in common was wanting to provide a better life for their children. Though my family immigrated together, it made me feel empathetic for other distant cousins who were living alone in Vietnam while their moms were working every day to send money back home.

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My brother and I at Universal Studios Florida in 2008

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In this photo, I was six years old while my older brother was eight. Growing up, my brother heavily influenced my taste in everything and I wanted to be just like him. According to my mom, when I was younger, I only wanted to wear dark-colored, baggy t-shirts and sweatpants. Four hours before this photo was taken, I was crying my eyes out in the hotel, because my mom made me put on a bright pink top and lace skirt to wear to the theme park. I was absolutely devastated. During my adolescent years, my mom constantly tried to push ideals of femininity onto me. My mom believed that putting me in pink-colored clothing and dresses would help others perceive me as a girl and it was her way of doing gender. Another aspect of doing gender that my mother constantly pushed onto me was different mannerisms and etiquette that was associated with being a woman. For example, closing or crossing my legs when I sit was something I was taught as a way of expressing gender.