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Thank you for all the ways the you have led me back to you this past year. You have opened my heart and helped me fully understand the gospel. I am eternally grateful that you fully know who I am yet you fully love me.

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You allowed yourself to be separated from God, bearing the full wrath of God turning his face away from you, so that I wouldn’t have to be abandoned and left to my sinful state. Thank you for being the perfect sacrifice that saved me from my dreadful self and gave me this undeserved identity as a beloved daughter of God and your coheir!

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Too often do I forget my identity, my true identity as a sinner in need of forgiveness. A sinner deserving of condemnation and justice that would involve my death on the cross, my eternal separation from you, yet you chose to take my place and die the death that I deserve. Father, too often do I fall back into the delusion of the narrative that I am a victim, when in reality I am the perpetrator, I am a sinner against the backdrop of your holiness.

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I am sorry for how I can so quickly forget the centrality of my identity as a sinner, feeling like I am not bad because of all the things that I "do", rather than all the things that I don't do.

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Help me to lean into the truth of my sinfulness that I may understand the depth of your love for me, and be able to hear your heart that is asking - who will go? It starts with knowing who I am before you, and then experiencing your cross as something so dear and personal to me, and then being able to see your heart that wants all men to hear about the good news of the cross.

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I want to remember that in order to see my holiness I need to have God’s holiness as the backdrop, not whatever my surroundings are. Also comparison is draining and takes the focus away from God and puts it on myself—it’s better to put our identities in the cross!

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Whatever causes me to see the depth of my sinfulness is a good place to be. When my identity is placed in anything else, I'll just react to life with frustration.

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The various tensions and pressures that pull at me that seem so important and practice can make Jesus and gospel truths inconvenient and irrelevant in my life. But this is a picture of what it looks like to reject Jesus, and the core of evil. Pilate's attendance and focus to the practical realities (an ensuing riot, his position, etc) were what caused him to put Jesus on the cross

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Thank you for paying the gruesome cost of my Sins and liberating me from the separation Sin put between me and God. Thank you for your obedience and love to the Father as well as your love for Sinners like me.

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Far too rare are the moments when I really get a clear picture of how sinful I am, how the cross was done by me. Please help me to clearly see myself as a stain against the backdrop of your holiness, that I wouldn’t be fooled by my own lofty views of who I am.

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Related to the shame of suddenly discovering you are way worse than you thought you were. But also encouraged by the fact that Jesus’s prayer was not that Peter wouldn’t fall but that he would be able to turn and strengthen others afterwards and that my own personal failings do not have the final word.

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YOU are the protagonist of life and the cross is what's at the center. Woe is me for I am so blind to this because I'm too busy trying to be the protagonist as I daily walk around committing sin after sin all the while being ignorant of what I'm doing. Thank you that you have prayed for me, because it's true that I don't know what I am doing. Thank you for your preemptive grace that invites me to lay down my pride and confess who I really am.

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The identity that the cross gives me- a sinner whose callousness is ultimately attributed to my own selfishness, living in a bubble and refusing to see the effects of my actions on other people and on God.

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Pilate was relatable in the there were many truths he felt surrounded by and relevant, and he ended up pushing out the truth he could discover through Jesus. The day to day and even duties becoming that greater reality that can push out God's truth is a warning...

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It's because of my great pride that I experience great shame when I find myself lacking or see my sinfulness. But was thankful that what Jesus prays for for Peter is that his faith would not fail, in the sense that his faith in grace, forgiveness, to be able to repent, and turn around would not fail.

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Proper context always is holiness of God, not comparison to others nor consulting of feelings. things not done, sin of omission.

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I really want to remember how important it is to be introspective and see how I am not good as I often think I am. This means not crowding my headspace with social media/shows/etc. but creating a space in my mind where I can meditate on God's word.

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I related to Pilate because of his neutrality, I find myself wanting to stay lukewarm in my commitment to follow Jesus. It was a timely reminder that "there is no neutral ground in a battle that is total."

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I found pilate to be so relatable in his desire for comfort, his being so close, face to face to the truth yet ultimately experiencing the voices of the crowds prevailing over the voice of Jesus. I saw that this is my state as well, the reality that I often let the voices of my desires, of other people, narratives that I've heard from the world prevail over the voice of truth that Jesus is trying to get through to me.

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Who I really am is who I am before a holy God. It's the sins of omission (the things left undone) that are sin before God

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My identity as a sinner is shrouded underneath all these other identities related to beauty, competence, just trying to be better than other people. Caused by (1) comparing myself against the backdrop of other people rather than the holiness of God, (2) the identity given to me by the cross of Jesus not being central in my life.

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Recognizing our sinfulness personally is an essential part of understanding the need for the need and grace of the Cross and God's love for us.

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It's because I'm stuck in the drama of my life, how I'm not competent enough or good enough at x, y, z that I am forgetful of the centrality of the cross. My self absorption causes me to be deluded from seeing as God sees me, a blemish on his holy canvas. But he's prayed for me that I may have faith to return again and again.

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I am someone who often believes that I am righteous because I do good deeds. I find myself trying to cover up the evil within me with these deeds so that I can look good in front of other people.

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I’m someone who has a lot of difficulty with receiving undeserved grace and needed to hear that in order to strengthen the brothers, one needs to turn and colossally fail and receive colossal grace

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- "what is that to us? see to it yourself"
- hypocrisy: talk about God, but don't know him

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- truth is irrelevant, inconvenient
- totality of our response, no middle ground

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- "safe distance"
- faith (in grace) would not fail

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- "save yourself"
- pre-emptive forgiveness

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- heart untouched and unaffected

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- unmet expectations