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How do teenagers deal with flashbacks or memories of the traumatic event?

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How do teens go about accepting the aspects of their lives that have changed after the traumatic event?

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How do teens go about grieving, especially since this is likely their first time experiencing grief?

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How are the different relationships in a teen's life affected by the effects of the traumatic event?

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Novel Study: The Burn Journals by Brent Runyon

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Novel Study: The Burn Journals by Brent Runyon

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In this memoir, Brent Runyon tells the story of what led him to light himself on fire in an attempt to kill himself, the immediate results of his actions, and his healing journey following his suicide attempt. Besides all of the expected struggles that come along while healing from severe burns, Runyon is shocked when superhero movies, hot water in a bath tub, or the sight of his old bathroom trigger flashbacks that make it hard for him to live a normal life. He struggles to find a new normal while not letting the memories of that one night pull him down.

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Novel Study: A Heart In The Body In The World by Deb Caletti

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Novel Study: A Heart In The Body In The World by Deb Caletti

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Annabelle has witnessed her best friend and her boyfriend be murdered by a jealous boy in school, and finds comfort in running. Throughout the story, Annabelle starts a movement by running the length of the entire United States before she has to go to court and testify against the murderer. Annabelle's support system, made up of her family and some friends, are strong. However, Annabelle struggles to deal with the fact that her lifelong best friend and the boy she was in love with will not be there waiting for her at the finish line. Annabelle's journey of accepting these new changes is inspirational.

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"This is one for the ages." -Gayle Forman, author of the #1 bestseller If I Stay "A book everyone should read right now." - The New York Times Book Review "A vital and heartbreaking story that brings together the #MeToo movement, the effects of gun violence, and the struggle of building oneself up again after crisis." - Elle "Equal parts heartbreaking and hopeful." - BookPage A Printz Honor Book Each step on Annabelle's 2,700 mile cross-country run brings her closer to facing a trauma from her past in National Book Award finalist Deb Caletti's novel about the heart, all the ways it breaks, and its journey to healing. Because sometimes against our will, against all odds, we go forward. Then... Now...

Annabelle's life wasn't perfect, but it was full-full of friends, family, love. And a boy...whose attention Annabelle found flattering and unsettling all at once.

Until that attention intensified.

Annabelle is running. Running from the pain and the tragedy from the past year. With only Grandpa Ed and the journal she fills with words she can't speak out loud, Annabelle runs from Seattle to Washington, DC, and toward a destination she doesn't understand but is determined to reach. With every beat of her heart, every stride of her feet, Annabelle steps closer to healing-and the strength she discovers within herself to let love and hope back into her life.

Annabelle's journey is the ultimate testament to the human heart, and how it goes on after being broken.

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Amazon.com: A Heart in a Body in the World eBook : Caletti, Deb: Kindle Store

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Novel Study: It Ends With Us By Colleen Hoover

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Novel Study: It Ends With Us By Colleen Hoover

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In this novel, Lily experiences not only the childhood trauma of her mother be abused by her father, but the same kind of physical and sexual abuse from her boyfriend as a young woman. Through witnessing and healing from this trauma, Lily's relationships with her mother, a boy she was in love with in high school, and her abusive boyfriend's family are strengthened as they provide comfort and support to her as she heals and moves on from the Trauma. As for her relationships with her late father and her abusive (now-ex) boyfriend, there is a wall built between them that is too large to ever be torn down.

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From the #1 New York Times bestselling author of It Starts with Us and All Your Perfects , a "brave and heartbreaking novel that digs its claws into you and doesn't let go, long after you've finished it" (Anna Todd, New York Times bestselling author) about a workaholic with a too-good-to-be-true romance can't stop thinking about her first love- soon to be a major motion picture starring Blake Lively and Justin Baldoni. It Ends with Us is "a glorious and touching read, a forever keeper. The kind of book that gets handed down" ( USA TODAY ).

Lily hasn't always had it easy, but that's never stopped her from working hard for the life she wants. She's come a long way from the small town where she grew up-she graduated from college, moved to Boston, and started her own business. And when she feels a spark with a gorgeous neurosurgeon named Ryle Kincaid, everything in Lily's life seems too good to be true.

Ryle is assertive, stubborn, maybe even a little arrogant. He's also sensitive, brilliant, and has a total soft spot for Lily. And the way he looks in scrubs certainly doesn't hurt. Lily can't get him out of her head. But Ryle's complete aversion to relationships is disturbing. Even as Lily finds herself becoming the exception to his "no dating" rule, she can't help but wonder what made him that way in the first place.

As questions about her new relationship overwhelm her, so do thoughts of Atlas Corrigan-her first love and a link to the past she left behind. He was her kindred spirit, her protector. When Atlas suddenly reappears, everything Lily has built with Ryle is threatened.

An honest, evocative, and tender novel,

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It Ends with Us: A Novel (1) [Hoover, Colleen] on Amazon.com. *FREE* shipping on qualifying offers. It Ends with Us: A Novel (1)

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Novel Study: The Firekeeper's Daughter by Angeline Boulley

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Novel Study: The Firekeeper's Daughter by Angeline Boulley

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Daunis loses her lifelong best friend to a violent ex-boyfriend in the midst of dealing with her involvement in an FBI investigation, the death of her uncle, and the relationship forming between the new boy at her school. The death of her best friend breaks her, but Daunis stays strong by staying close to her Native American culture, and celebrating her friend's journey into a pain-free afterlife instead of dwelling on her absence in the present. Her resilience is nothing short of incredible.

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Nonfiction: What Happens in Your Brain During a PTSD Flashback? - Tiffany Chi

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Nonfiction: What Happens in Your Brain During a PTSD Flashback? - Tiffany Chi

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This article focuses on the neuroscience behind flashbacks, explaining in detail exactly what is going on in different parts of the brain while someone with PTSD is experiencing a flashback of a traumatic event. Several suggestions of ways to help someone who is in the middle of having a flashback are also given.

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Table of Contents:

Our Editorial Standards

PTSD

Read Time: 5 Minutes

Overview

Haunted by nightmares - unable to shake memories of explosions, death, and visions of war - veterans can struggle with these images, even while awake. Many experience feelings of anxiety, depression, and anger; confused about how to make sense of what they have witnessed. Post Traumatic Stress Disorder(PTSD) often makes it hard for soldiers to return to normal life.

Although people often associate PTSD with veterans affected by the horrors of war, the condition can develop in anyone who has experienced a dangerous, shocking, or life-threatening event such as rape, childhood abuse, or a serious accident. According to the National Institute of Mental Health, PTSD will affect 6.8%of U.S. adults in their lifetime. With gun violence on the rise in the United States, survivors of mass shootings and those who reside near a mass shooting might also experience these symptoms, as fireworks can often sound like a gunshot.
PTSD is defined by symptoms like panic attacks, depression, and insomnia, but one of the most characteristic and debilitating symptoms of PTSD involves "flashbacks," the feeling of re-experiencing a traumatic event. During 4th of July festivities, fireworks - the sound, the smell, the smoke in the air - can trigger flashbacks to those suffering from combat related PTSD, or PTSD related to gun violence.

Flashbacks

Flashbacks are like waking nightmares. They are intense, repeated episodes of re-living the traumatic experience while you're fully awake. Flashbacks can come on suddenly and feel uncontrollable. They are more like a nightmare than a memory because sufferers often cannot distinguish between the flashback and reality, feeling like the traumatic experience is happening again. Flashbacks are vivid, sensory experiences. During times like the 4th, veterans might feel they are back on the battlefield, re-experiencing a fellow soldier dying from an explosive, or re-living their own trauma during their time serving in the armed forces. Those impacted by gun violence might be taken back to the terrifying moment or moments of their lives.

Impact of Trauma on the Brain

You might be wondering how can flashbacks be such an all consuming, visceral experience? How can they transport you back to the traumatic experience almost instantly? To understand that, we'll explain what's happening in your brain when a flashback occurs.

What happens to different parts of the brain

Memory is a complex process that involves many parts of your brain, but to keep it simple, we'll focus on two of the key players: the amygdala and the hippocampus. The amygdala is associated with emotional memory - especially the formation of fear-related memories. It evolved to ensure your survival by strongly encoding memories of past dangers you've experienced so that you recognize and respond to those threats if you see them again.

The hippocampus, the other region of your brain heavily involved in memory, acts like the brain's historian. It catalogs all the different details of an experience - who was there, where it happened, and what time of day it was - into one cohesive event you can consciously recollect as a memory. In your typical, day-to-day life, your amygdala and hippocampus work together to turn your experiences into distinct long-term memories.

However, during a traumatic event this system works a bit differently. Because you are in danger, your body's built in fight-or-flight mechanism takes over and your amygdala is over-activated while the hippocampus is suppressed. From an evolutionary perspective, this makes sense: the processes involved in building a cohesive memory are deprioritized in favor of paying attention to the immediate danger. As a result, your memory becomes jumbled.

After the threat has passed

When the threat has passed, you are left with a strong, negative emotional memory of the experience, but you lack clear recollection of the context of the event. In other words, you may learn to associate individual sights, smells, and sounds from the event with danger, but be unable to recall the sequence of events clearly.

Later on, if you encounter things that remind you of the traumatic event, like a smell that was present when it happened, your amygdala will retrieve that memory and respond strongly - signaling that you are in danger and automatically activating your fight-or-flight system. This is why during a flashback, you start sweating, your heart races, and you breath heavily - your amygdala has set off a chain reaction to prepare your body to respond against a threat.

Normally when your amygdala senses a possible threat, your hippocampus will then kick in to bring in context from past memories to determine whether or not you are really in danger. But because the hippocampus wasn't functioning properly during the traumatic experience, the context of the memory wasn't stored, and there's no feedback system to tell your amygdala this situation is different and you're not in danger. Also, since the memory is retrieved without context like where or when the experience happened, you might even feel like the traumatic experience is happening again.

Ways to Help Those Around You

Although you may not know whether someone close to home suffers from combat related PTSD, there are small precautions everyone can take to make the holiday a safe, fun experience for all.

Be courteous

Be courteous in timing of fireworks. Often, the problem for PTSD sufferers isn't on the day of the 4th because they prepare for fireworks during this time. Fireworks may be more of a trigger during the middle of the night, the days prior, and the days after the 4th of July while they're no longer expected.

Offer a warning

If you are aware you live near a veteran, please give them a warning of the times you will be using fireworks, be courteous of your neighbors.

Consider other ways of celebrating

If your community has been impacted by gun violence, consider skipping the fireworks on the 4th of July - you never know who you could be helping, and consider other ways of celebrating. Grilling and apple pie may be all that you need.

Therapy Can Help You Overcome Flashbacks

Understanding what's happening in your brain during a PTSD flashback can help you learn strategies to cope. You can work with a therapist to identify triggers for your flashbacks, such as certain objects, people, or places. Then, you can work with them to identify ways to respond calmly to these triggers through relaxation techniques as well as exposure and cognitive behavioral therapies..
While PTSD can be a debilitating condition - in some cases taking years for the survivor to be stable and healthy enough to process the trauma - with appropriate treatment it can be successfully overcome. Work with a licensed therapist to manage PTSD symptoms in the workplace, at home, and in your day-to-day.

Effective and affordable mental health treatment

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What Happens in Your Brain During a PTSD Flashback? - Talkspace

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During a PTSD flashback, the brain undergoes rapid changes, including an overactivation of the amygdala and suppression of the hippocampus.

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Nonfiction: What are PTSD flashbacks really like? - Michael G Quirke

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Nonfiction: What are PTSD flashbacks really like? - Michael G Quirke

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This article focuses on the science behind a flashback along with the different things that can trigger a flashback. There are also several helpful coping strategies for someone to try when they are experiencing a PTSD flashback like journaling, mindfulness, and grounding techniques.

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Michael G. Quirke, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist

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What Are PTSD Flashbacks Really Like? - Michael G. Quirke, MFT

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PTSD flashbacks are a hallmark symptom of PTSD. Learn more about PTSD, trauma and what you can do to recover.

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Nonfiction: Growth After Trauma - Richard G Tedeschi

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Nonfiction: Growth After Trauma - Richard G Tedeschi

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This article lays out the different steps of growing after grief and goes into detail explaining what goes on in each one. Someone experiencing trauma must go through education, emotional regulation, disclosure, narrative development, and service in order to heal. Following these steps can lead to a number of significant positive effects in the life of the person who experienced trauma.

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"At some point we will be able to reflect on the long-term consequences of this terrible time," the author writes. "Almost certainly [they] will include some good along with the bad." Negative experiences can bring a recognition of personal strength, the exploration of new possibilities, improved relationships with others, a greater appreciation for life, and spiritual growth.

Post-traumatic growth often happens naturally, Tedeschi says, but it can be facilitated in five ways: through education (rethinking ourselves, our world, and our future), emotional regulation (managing our negative emotions and reflecting on successes and possibilities), disclosure (articulating what is happening and its effects), narrative development (shaping the story of a trauma and deriving hope from famous stories of crucible leadership), and service (finding work that benefits others).

What good can come of this? In times of stress, crisis, or trauma, people often ask that question. This year we've been hit by a pandemic that has caused hundreds of thousands of deaths, unprecedented unemployment, and a global economic downturn. In the face of such a tragedy-personal and collective-it might appear that the answer is "Nothing."

A version of this article appeared in the July-August 2020 issue of Harvard Business Review.

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"At some point we will be able to reflect on the long-term consequences of this terrible time," the author writes. "Almost certainly [they] will include some good along with the bad." Negative experiences can bring a recognition of personal strength, the exploration of new possibilities, improved relationships with others, a greater appreciation for life, and spiritual growth.

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Nonfiction: How To Embrace Change When Trauma Symptoms Feel So Familiar - Rhonda Kelloway

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Nonfiction: How To Embrace Change When Trauma Symptoms Feel So Familiar - Rhonda Kelloway

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This article describes the importance of change in the life of someone who has experienced trauma, but the difficulties that it can present. Change can feel like it is dangerous when you are dealing with traumatic memories, and so in order to feel like you aren't being swept away by the emotions that come along with change, it is important to anchor yourself.

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Change can be challenging for anyone. However, for trauma survivors, it can be even harder. Especially when change feels uncomfortably familiar. It may seem easier in the moment to push change away, refusing to accept it. Yet, that robs you of the opportunity to overcome and make meaningful change. So, how do you embrace change when trauma symptoms feel so familiar?

Why is Change Especially Risky for Trauma Survivors?

Trauma can happen to anyone, and in some ways, trauma arises for everyone. Trauma occurs when you experience an event as physically or emotionally harmful or even life-threatening. Your body's ability to cope is overwhelmed. This last part is what makes it trauma.

Even though the event passes, trauma has lasting adverse effects on a person's mental, physical, social, emotional, and spiritual well-being. Trauma symptoms can easily go unrecognized for many years, possibly an entire lifespan.

When emotional trauma symptoms are unrecognized or unresolved, stressful events in life can re-activate unsafe feelings that stem from the past. Trauma changes the way your brain, emotions, and nervous system respond to stress, making you more sensitive to potential danger. And in response to a potential threat, your body may automatically transition to hyperarousal or become numb, sinking into hypo-arousal.

So when change feels like a danger, it's hard to give yourself the space needed to adjust and feel comfortable with change. It starts with taking positive steps towards increasing adaptation and tolerance in a way that supports healing.

Body Work for Trauma

Still wondering how to embrace change when trauma symptoms feel so familiar? Positive steps towards healing from trauma and improving your tolerance with change begin with understanding your nervous system and becoming familiar with it again. Trauma can create a significant disconnect between your body and mind, separating you from your physical body.

This disconnect can make it very difficult to understand your emotions and naturally flow with them. Instead, you may find yourself not understanding what you are feeling, numbing it, or flat out rejecting it.

The first step is to understand why your nervous system is on high alert and to recognize the alerting cues it is giving you. From there, you can begin to determine whether there is actual danger present or if this experience is a memory of past danger.

With the knowledge that comes from realizing the source of your bodily sensations and emotions, you can learn to roll with your emotions, allowing a greater range of experiencing emotions and widening your tolerance.

But having the knowledge only gets you so far. The trauma feelings you may experience with change can be so familiar that it is hard to react differently than you typically would, even when you know it's the trauma driving your body's reaction. You may feel like you are being swept away by the emotional storm inside.

When struggling with change or that emotional storm, try these steps to anchor yourself:

Notice what in your external world is still the same. Amongst change, there is always some familiar, even small. It could be everyday items around you, a familiar face, or the relationship with those you are with. Find that familiar thing and focus on it.

Ground yourself: When you feel like you're about to be carried off by the feelings inside, it can help to anchor yourself in the present moment by becoming aware of your senses - what you can see, hear, touch, taste, and smell. One excellent tool is the 54321 technique; find 5 things you can see, 4 things you can touch, 3 things you can hear, two things you can smell, and 1 thing you can taste.

Notice what is going on internally. Now that you are more centered, you're ready to shift back into your inner world and explore who you are. Maybe noticing the strengths you have, the tools you can use, or even the wisdom and ability to allow for change.

Why Change is Good

We have no control over what happens around us; change is an inevitable part of life. However, all that you have learned and the skillsets you hold are always with you. And those tools can help you work through change and even grow from it.

Change is good because it teaches you to adapt and develop resilience. Your brain needs you to keep exposing yourself to change so it can remain healthy. However, for change to be experienced as good by your nervous system its effect needs to be within your window of tolerance. So understanding your own capacity and gently challenging its thresholds allows you to grow that window of tolerance.

Embracing change when trauma symptoms feel so familiar can be hard on your own. Working through trauma with a trauma-informed therapist will be a huge benefit to you through this process. Therapy can allow trauma survivors to work through their experiences and feelings in an environment that is safe with someone acting as a container and guide.

If you are in the Chicagoland area and are struggling with change or trauma, give Life Care Wellness a call at (630) 423-5935. We have trauma specialists in Glen Ellyn, Jefferson Park (Chicago), and Sycamore who can help you heal from trauma and feel better in control of your emotions and life's changes.

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How to Embrace Change When Trauma Symptoms Feel so Familiar

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Change can be challenging for anyone. However, for trauma survivors, it can be even harder. Especially when change feels uncomfortably familiar. It may

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Nonfiction: The Grieving Teen - Helen Fitzgerald

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Nonfiction: The Grieving Teen - Helen Fitzgerald

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This article focuses on the factors that make grief more challenging for teens than for adults. Teens are likely to hide the way that they are feeling and instead express their pain in ways that are unhealthy. Teens are also less likely to come to adults for support, as they often feel that their friends are the only ones they can comfortably confide in. Group therapy is suggested to teens experiencing grief.

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By Helen Fitzgerald, CT

Teen years are already tumultuous years, and the bereaved teen needs special attention. Under ordinary circumstances, teenagers go through many changes in their body image, behavior, attachments and feelings. As they break away from their parents to develop their own identities, conflicts often arise within the family system. Life becomes even more complex when a father, mother or other significant person dies - a shattering experience faced by one child in every ten before the age of eighteen. (See TEEN GRIEF: CLIMBING BACK, a video by Hospice of Metro Denver). While people in all age groups struggle with such losses, teenagers face particularly painful adjustments following the death of a loved one.
Do teens grieve like adults?
Teens grieve deeply but often work very hard to hide their feelings. Fearing the vulnerability that comes with expression, they look for distractions rather than stay with the grief process long enough to find real relief. Feelings can be turned off quickly, much like flipping a light switch. Teens can act as if nothing has happened while they are breaking up inside. You may observe teens who take on the role of caregiver to family members or friends, in effect denying their own grief.

Gender makes no distinctions when it comes to experiencing grief, but the outward signs may be different. Young men of this age may have a particularly hard time when they have been taught that showing emotion is something that girls do - but macho guys don't.
Who do teens trust and talk to?
Teens often trust only their peers, believing that no one else can understand how they feel and how they react to life's problems. Relationships with friends can be deep and meaningful, sharing conflicts occurring at home and details of their love lives.
How can adults gain the trust of teens?

To gain the trust of teens, adults must become good, nonjudgmental listeners. Let teenagers know that you are interested in them, in their views, in their ideas and thoughts. Let them know that you like and care for them. Support their ideas or gently introduce new ways to approach their ideas. Acknowledge their grief and offer your thoughts of how to ease their pain.
Does peer counseling work?
Because teens are most open to fellow teens, one approach to providing help is through peers. And it works. Peer counseling is now an elective course in many schools for teens. Peer counselors are trained to look at all kinds of life problems on a personal level and then at ways to help their peers. They are introduced to different situations that may occur, and speakers are brought in to teach them about specific topics.

Because teens are willing listen to other teens, peer counseling can play an important role in establishing communication with distressed classmates and friends, as well as steering them to professional help if it is needed. Peer counselors learn about depression, grief, communicating with parents and other adults, suicidal ideation, etc. At the same time, they learn their limitations and are assured of the support and expertise of their peer counseling teachers for consultation.

Selecting the right teacher for this is of course critical, since he or she must gain the trust and respect of the students - just as students will seek the trust and respect of the peers they may be called upon to counsel.
Do grief support groups work?
Another approach is through grief support groups, and they work, too. By sharing feelings with one another, teens find out they are not alone and that others are also struggling to rebuild shattered lives. Grief groups help teens feel understood, accepted and supported.
How do you start a group?
Decide on the format that will work best. There are three possibilities:

Opened-ended. Using this format, new kids can arrive at any time, and group introductions will need to be made often. The advantage is that teens have more time to work on their grief, especially after sudden, violent or traumatic deaths.

Time-limited. These groups work best in the school setting. School schedules often do not allow the flexibility for an ongoing group. Teens may also be more comfortable knowing there is a beginning and an end to the group. The number of sessions is usually 8-12, but shorter groups could be offered along with the opportunity for teens to request an additional session or sessions.

Walk-in. This format frees the teen from any commitment and fits into the busy routine of school life. The difficulty is not knowing who or how many kids will attend.

How do you select the group members?
Group leaders have to decide on the parameters of the group. Is this going to be limited to teens who have had a parent die, or will it be more general? If there are enough teens to do a group focusing on parent loss, this type of focused group may work best. Grief groups that are broader in nature work well, too.

The Loss Inventory (page 6 of the Grief at School manual) is a good tool in identifying bereaved teens. Other sources for referrals will come from teachers, coaches, counselors and parents. The PTA newsletter or the school web site can be a good place to advertise the group.
What activities work with teens?
Teens will tell you that they just want to talk and not have any activities. For some grief groups this is true, but you need some ideas to fall back on if a particular group is silent and non-responsive. The following activity gets group members comfortable with each other because it immediately addresses the reason why they are there.
My Story

The person who died in my life is _______________________.

The cause of death was ______________________________.

I found out about the death when _______________________.

After death, I believe my loved one is_____________________.

My first feeling was _________________________________ because_________________________________________.

Now I feel _______________________________________ because_________________________________________.

What makes me most angry is _________________________.

I worry about _____________________________________ because_________________________________________.

The hardest thing about school is ______________________ because_________________________________________.

My friends are ____________________________________.

The adults in my life tell me ___________________________.

What helps me most is ______________________________.

What helps me the least is ____________________________.

Other ideas for activities are:

Writing or drawing spontaneously on mural paper taped to the wall

Creating a collage using pictures and words cut from old magazines

Constructing a book that can be used as a journal or a memory book

Writing a poem, eulogy or song

Launching a balloon after writing messages to the person who died (Use biodegradable balloons and clip the string for environmental reasons.)

Going on a field trip to a funeral home, cemetery, etc.

When should a referral to professionals be made?
It can be difficult to separate normal teen behavior from that of a grieving teen in trouble. Some of the indicators that let you know when a teen needs more than the help group or peer counselors offer are:

Dramatic behavior changes. A teen's home, school, and social life are the arenas for observing behavior changes. Listen and take notes if comments and concerns are being expressed.

Extraordinary pressure. Get to know the teen and invite discussion regarding his or her activities at home or at school. Find out if keeping up with work is a problem or if the teen is feeling overwhelmed with what needs to be done. Ask if there is some time to spend alone or with friends.

Isolation. Is the teen spending too much time alone, canceling on dates and parties, or dropping out of after-school activities?

Depression. Discuss the differences between bereavement depression and clinical depression. Encourage the teen to consider further help, if indicated. Supply information about where to go to get counseling.

Death wish. Always take any talk of dying seriously and explore the teen's thoughts and feelings on the matter. Listen carefully to messages from the teen indicating there is a death wish. When a loved one has died, it isn't uncommon to make statements such as, "I just wish I could go to sleep and not wake up in the morning," or "I don't care if I get in a car wreck." These are passive death wishes - something or someone causing a death.

On the other hand, if a teen starts talking about when, where and how to do "it," or if there is a history of depression or suicidal behavior, this is a much more serious matter and needs immediate attention. Get prompt professional help.

Anger. Anger can often create problems at home, at school or with friendships. Anger needs to be expressed, but in appropriate ways. Unspoken anger can become depression. If the angry teen is creating problems, and normal ways of expression are not helping, this teen may need further counseling for anger management.

Guilt. Feelings of guilt often leave the teen isolated and alone, with an absence of self-esteem. The shame that accompanies guilt takes the form of deep, dark secrets - a very heavy weight to carry around. You can help the teen find some relief from these feelings by being a good listener and by not trying to talk him or her out of it. Suggest writing a letter to the person who died asking for forgiveness, perhaps even taking that letter to the grave and reading it out loud. Or list the things that are most guilt inducing on a biodegradable helium balloon and let it go. If measures like this don't help, don't hesitate to refer the teen for further therapy.

Substance abuse. Have information about the perils of substance abuse available. There are times when teens use drugs or alcohol to try to take away the pain. Look for denial, anger and guilt with teens you suspect are using drugs or alcohol. When referring such a teen for additional help, find a therapist who specializes in grief and substance abuse.

Skipping school or dropping grades. A normal part of grief is not caring about anything and a lack of motivation or interest. Help the teen understand that these intense feelings of grief are temporary, and that the more they skip school or don't do their homework, the harder it will be to catch up. Teens who are staying away from school may not know that, if this continues, they could be brought before a judge and sent to a probation home or juvenile detention center.

Acting out sexually. The pain of grief is so great and the emptiness so profound, it is not uncommon to look for a warm body to fill the void. This closeness is usually only a temporary fix that may lead to regret, shame, and fear of disease and pregnancy. If a girl is thinking that sex will make her feel better, help her understand her displaced needs and what she may get herself into. If a boy is showing the same tendency, help him understand that the issue goes beyond contraception; what is involved is his own need to address his grief in way that will bring him real relief.

Making Referrals and Offering Resources
Develop a list of mental health centers and know what services they offer. Put together a list of private therapists who specialize in adolescents, grief, substance abuse and depression. Update this list yearly.

Working with teens is both challenging and rewarding - challenging because you need to break into their world and develop a trusting relationship; rewarding because of the pleasure you will have in being a confidante to their secrets and concerns, seeing smiles and cheery greetings gradually replace those frowns and stares. Becoming a part of a teen's life as he or she struggles with life-shattering grief is a privilege to be exercised with care, but a privilege all the same.

©2000. American Hospice Foundation. All Rights Reserved.

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By Helen Fitzgerald, CT Teen years are already tumultuous years, and the bereaved teen needs special attention. Under ordinary circumstances, teenagers go through many changes in their body image, behavior, attachments and feelings. As they break away from their parents to develop their own identities, conflicts often arise within the family system.

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Nonfiction: Teens & Grief - Donna Schuurman

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Nonfiction: Teens & Grief - Donna Schuurman

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This article goes in depth on the different kinds of grief that can be experienced by teens and how each will affect them differently. Since teenagers are still getting used to their emotions and how to handle them in a healthy way, this article suggests a lot of really helpful things that adults can do to help teens as they are going through the grieving process.

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Nonfiction: How PTSD Can Affect Your Relationship - Rubin Khoddam

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Nonfiction: How PTSD Can Affect Your Relationship - Rubin Khoddam

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This article touches on the variety of ways that PTSD in one person can affect their romantic partner and how that couple can go about working through their struggles. In relation to their PTSD, someone may struggle with emotional regulation, self-isolation, depression, anxiety, avoidance, or hopelessness. As a person handles their trauma, these new symptoms, and trying to keep up with their day-to-day life, they can become overwhelmed and the effects of that can be hard on them and their partner.

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Key points

Couples counseling can help you both gain a better understanding of how PTSD is affecting your relationship.

Post traumatic stress disorder can make interpersonal relationships more challenging to maintain due to the impact of the trauma.

Trauma shapes our view of the world around us and the intentions of those we love the most.

If you or your loved one are struggling with the emotional fallout of PTSD, you're not alone. Couples counseling can help you both gain a better understanding of how PTSD is affecting your relationship and what to do about it. First, let's start with a basic look at some of the ways PTSD might be harming your most intimate relationship.

The Challenges of PTSD in a Relationship

There's a growing body of research to suggest that post- traumatic stress disorder makes interpersonal relationships more challenging to maintain. The following are some of the main attributing factors that you might be experiencing in your own relationship. If they look familiar, trauma therapy can help you find a way forward.

Anger & Emotional Regulation

Struggling with the loss of emotional regulation can have devastating impacts on a person's closest relationships. Excessive or seemingly out-of-place anger can be a trait of PTSD, as well as outbursts or an inability to emotionally self-regulate. Unfortunately, this can also lead to abusive behavior in some situations. If your partner is abusive, a therapist can support you in finding a safe way out of the relationship.

Self-Isolation

People who have survived a trauma that resulted in PTSD are also more likely to lose interest in things they once enjoyed participating in. They may also seem more distant or emotionally unavailable, which can be distressing for the romantic partner who is trying to get through to them.

Trauma Can Shape Our Interpretation of Reality

It's important to note that trauma can also shape our view of the world around us. For instance, someone who survives a traumatic event may be more likely to interpret future interactions in a more negative light. Unfortunately, this outlook can also affect how a survivor views themself as well as their loved ones. Here is what one study found regarding how trauma can inform our world view.

Depression and Anxiety

If you or your partner experienced a life-changing trauma, you might also notice depression or anxiety surfacing in your relationship. Either or both can have a staggering impact on your connection as a couple.

Nightmares

Another common occurrence is nightmares, intrusive thoughts, or even traumatic flashbacks. These experiences often wake up the partner, putting the partner in a position to wake up their loved one from the bad dream. Additionally, someone who isn't getting enough sleep is more likely to be cranky or lethargic during the day, which means fewer quality interactions with loved ones. There are physical side effects to a lack of sleep as well. In the long run, a lack of high-quality sleep can potentially contribute to negative health outcomes.

Avoidance

Someone living with PTSD might also avoid things or situations that remind them of their trauma. For example, a veteran might have a hard time with 4th of July events because fireworks remind them of gunfire. For someone who associates colorful fireworks with fun and celebration, it might be tough to really understand the full extent of their partner's struggle.

Emotional Numbness

Trauma survivors may also feel emotionally distant or even numb. This sense of having a more limited emotional depth and range (emotional blunting) can make it harder for survivors to relate to loved ones or enjoy life in the ways they used to.

Hopelessness

PTSD can also lead to a general sense of hopelessness that things will ever get better. This is a particularly worrisome connection because longstanding feelings of hopelessness can be linked to suicidal ideation, not to mention that PTSD is especially common among combat veterans who have weapons training and better access to firearms.

Out-of-Body Symptoms

Many people with PTSD also experience symptoms of depersonalization, derealization, or dissociation. In fact, as many as 30 percent of survivors report out-of-body sensations that the world around them isn't real. Trauma can change the neural activity in individuals, which can continue to fundamentally alter their perception of reality in devastating ways. Creating a new perception of reality that is more balanced can ultimately help individuals heal from PTSD.

How to Help

If you or your partner are living with post-traumatic stress disorder, know that there are resources that can help. PTSD isn't a choice and it's not something that anyone can just "get over" on their own.
If you love someone with PTSD, here are some simple guidelines to help you support them:
Seek Professional Couples Counseling

If you aren't already in couples counseling, encourage your partner to seek professional help from a licensed therapist who specializes in trauma therapy. Attending sessions with your partner can provide the solidarity they need to seek outside help.

Avoid Blame

While it may be difficult at times not to blame your loved one for their PTSD symptoms, take care to avoid minimizing their trauma or lashing out in frustration. There are times when you may need to excuse yourself from certain interactions and remind yourself that you aren't equipped to handle the situation, but a professional is. This also includes not telling your loved one how they should feel. Remember that couples counseling can provide you with much-needed support as well.

Empathy and Reflective Listening

Allow your partner to share their feelings if they find it helpful, but don't push them to open up. Showing empathy instead of offering unsolicited advice will help deepen their trust in your ability to support their healing process. We often just want to say the right thing or make things better, but honing your reflective listening skills is a gift for everyone in your life.

Understand Your Partner's Triggers

Couples counseling can also give you a deeper understanding of your partner's triggers, as well as how to help minimize their impact on your relationship.
To find a therapist near you, visit the Psychology Today Therapy Directory.

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PTSD not only impacts the victim, but it impacts those they are closest to.

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Nonfiction: PTSD & Relationships: Supporting a Partner With PTSD - Meagan Turner

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Nonfiction: PTSD & Relationships: Supporting a Partner With PTSD - Meagan Turner

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This article touches on the ways that PTSD can make a romantic relationship challenging and suggests a number of ways in which someone can help their partner when they are dealing with trauma. Some of the things they can do to help are validating their feelings, encouraging them to seek treatment, avoid shaming them, and becoming aware of the things that trigger them.

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Video - What are Flashbacks? - Dr. Todd Grande

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Video - What are Flashbacks? - Dr. Todd Grande

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This video explains what flashbacks are and how they can differ in experience, intensity, or frequency. Grande talks about triggers and how they can be very clearly connected to the traumatic event, or they can be seemingly unrelated but still trigger a flashback just as much as a more obvious trigger.

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What are Flashbacks? (Posttraumatic Stress Disorder [PTSD] - Intrusion Symptom)

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Video: What Trauma Taught Me About Resilience - Charles Hunt

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Video: What Trauma Taught Me About Resilience - Charles Hunt

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This video focuses on the importance of resilience and how it can change the trajectory of your life. Hunt talks about the struggles he has faced in his life and the choices that he made to change the course of his life, and suggests ways that we can do the same.

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What Trauma Taught Me About Resilience | Charles Hunt | TEDxCharlotte

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Video: How Teens Deal With Grief - Parents for Window Blind Safety

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Video: How Teens Deal With Grief - Parents for Window Blind Safety

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This video features a young man sharing the way that he grieved his twin sister when she passed away, and also how her passing affected the way his parents raised him and how cautious they were constantly. He talks about the way that he should have handled his grief, and then the way that he did while emphasizing the importance of dealing with your grief in a healthy manner.

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Video: Why Traumatized People Struggle With Friendships - Crappy Childhood Fairy

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Video: Why Traumatized People Struggle With Friendships - Crappy Childhood Fairy

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This video focuses on how difficult it can be to trust others or build relationships with others when you are struggling to handled trauma that you have experienced in the past, especially if that trauma relates to how you were treated by another person. She shares her own experiences and the valuable lessons she has learned throughout her life, dealing with trauma from her past and still trying to live a normal life.

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Why Traumatized People Struggle With Friendships (and How You Can Heal)

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Additional Resource: Emotional Flashbacks and CPTSD (Podcast) 

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Additional Resource: Emotional Flashbacks and CPTSD (Podcast) 

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This podcast episode focuses on how you can experience flashbacks and work through them in a way that also doesn't make you feel like you are shaming yourself for having the emotions that you do. It also focuses on how you can recognize your triggers and use them as a tool to heal from your trauma.

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Listen to this episode from Complex Trauma Recovery on Spotify. This is an episode talking about the concept of Emotional Flashbacks, and sharing my thoughts about how to use awareness of emotional flashbacks to foster self-compassion and interrupt shame cycles. I also talk about how triggers can be a helpful aid to recovery.

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Additional Resource: PTSD by Guillaume Singelin (Graphic Novel) 

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Additional Resource: PTSD by Guillaume Singelin (Graphic Novel) 

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This graphic novel features Jun, who has experienced a significant amount of trauma in her time serving in the military. The story follows her through her travels back home and all of the hurdles she must jump through to tackle her PTSD and try to survive amongst all of the new challenges she faces.

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After returning home from an unpopular war, Jun becomes an outsider in an indifferent world. Alone, desperate, and suffering from wounds both mental and physical, she seeks relief in the illicit drugs she manages to purchase or steal. Jun's tough exterior served her well in combat, but she'll need to nurture her vulnerability and humanity to survive at home. With the support of her fellow vets, the kindness of a stranger who refuses to turn away, and the companionship of a dog named Red, Jun learns to navigate the psychological trauma that she experienced in the war.

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PTSD [Singelin, Guillaume] on Amazon.com. *FREE* shipping on qualifying offers. PTSD

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Additional Resource: Why We Need To Talk About Adolescent Grief - Are We There Yet? (Podcast)

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Additional Resource: Why We Need To Talk About Adolescent Grief - Are We There Yet? (Podcast)

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This podcast episode features Ann Faison who talks about the grief she experienced as a young teen and how that age makes the grieving process so much different from how it would be for an adult. Being an adult and now being able to look back at her past experiences, she discusses the importance of acknowledging grieving teens and ways to support them.

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Play

Why We Need to Talk About Adolescent Grief

"Are We There Yet?" is about gaining a better understanding of grief by looking at the consequences of an early loss. It's also about helping kids and their communities better understand the short and long-term consequences of grief. Ann Faison is an artist and grief specialist who has read, researched, and written extensively about grief since losing her mother to cancer when she was fourteen. In this trailer, she discusses why grief still fascinates her and why she interviews other adults who have grown through and thrived from an early loss. There are dozens of podcasts about grief, but not many that look at adolescent grief from an experiential adult perspective. Are We There Yet? is for anyone looking for a different take on grief, or who would like to better support teens and young adults who are suffering a loss.

Music by Josephine Wiggs from her Album "We Fall."

Show more

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Why We Need to Talk About Adolescent Grief | Are We There Yet?

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Listen to Why We Need to Talk About Adolescent Grief from Are We There Yet? . "Are We There Yet?" is about gaining a better understanding of grief by looking at the consequences of an early loss. It's also about helping kids and their communities better understand the short and long-term consequences of grief.

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Additional Resource: The Perks of Being A Wallflower (Movie) 

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Additional Resource: The Perks of Being A Wallflower (Movie) 

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This movie does an amazing job at depicting the different ways that trauma can impact different relationships in someone's life both positively and negatively. Charlie forms close and emotionally tight friendships with Sam and Patrick due to his feelings of not being like others in their school. However, Charlie's relationship with his family become rocky as a result of the progression Charlie has made with his own trauma throughout the film.

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An introvert freshman is taken under the wings of two seniors who welcome him to the real world.